#I've watched that movie so often recently but I still cry at the same parts every single time | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

pianostarinwonderland · 2 years

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ive seen ch3 ever since its release in jp and i happen to like it (for octatrio and other reasons) so i kept watching it

azuls breakdown always made me feel so much but even now

playing through it in eng by myself i literally started crying when i saw it

perhaps it was the way his voice wavered or that i can really relate recently or that scream (atsushi tamarus so talented istg)

but i just cant help but sympathize and lrkefgkjfkdlwk sorry for ranting like this ig im just oh my god

I had to sit on these asks because I have so many words about chapter 3 and Azul's breakdown.

First of all, I'm with you guys on the "cried because of book 3". Don't be sorry for ranting to me because fuck, I can relate with this deeply. Now, I won't say I cried cried. My eyes were dry the entire time, but every time I go through that particular scene, I always feel like I can't speak afterwards or else you'll hear the tears in my voice. And it did happen actually. One time, I read chapter 3 with friends through Shel's videos, and after Azul's breakdown, when I talked, my voice was broken. My eyes were dry, but my voice was shaking. Whenever I have to read or get a screenshot from that scene, I always have to mute my phone because otherwise, I would actually get stressed. XD

So the reason why I have so many words about this is because it managed to break my heart in a way that nothing else has. I've experienced heartbreak, and I've felt hurt very often in my life. And usually, it has to be something or someone that I hold close to me that would be able to make me hurt or break. Even when watching a movie or reading a book, I need to have developed a liking to someone to feel the pain of seeing them at their lowest. What's more is that I really don't cry. It takes so much to get me to cry.

Back when Octavinelle chapter's final part came out in JP, I didn't hold an attachment or any sort of liking to Azul at all. Heck, in fact, I wanted to see how he would be defeated because I wanted him to be defeated at his own game. I just thought, "Oh, I don't think he hurt me. Leona's emotional scene was meh, and as much as I respect Hanae, Riddle's crying made me want to laugh."

I was wrong. Dead wrong.

The fandom loves to meme "MOU YADDA", and it's really funny to see. 😂 No matter what language people speak, everyone gets amused by his scream, and it's beautiful. But I would be a liar if I said that that same scream was not what caused my heart to break. And I almost cried, damn it. I didn't like Azul then, so why did I want to cry? There was something in that scream, something in the way that he broke down, that made me angry at Leona, made me wish Azul didn't have to go through that, that made me want to clutch my chest as my tears finally pour out of my eyes and my voice goes hoarse from sobbing. When translations came out the day after Octavinelle concluded, reading the text was no less painful. The whole time, I was just saying, "Please God, please make it stop. Please make this stop." I do admit that I said that partly because I like being dramatic, but I also know that there was a reason why that was the first thing I wanted to say.

Frankly, my unique reaction to Azul's breakdown really got me to think about why. Why did I feel that way? And eventually, I realized. Without going personal, I realized that it was through that scene that Azul managed to reach into the inner child of myself that was still hurting from certain wounds. Azul didn't break me—I was already broken. But he just showed me the cracks and bruises that I long forgotten, that I long hid away from myself. It was like that inner child was crying, yet nobody heard them until Azul did, found them, and comforted them. It's really funny, Azul isn't real, and yet, without realizing, he granted some of my deepest wishes. 😂

I think that's what I find amazing about Azul. A lot of people can relate to him: the bullying, the discrimination, so many other things. It's not to say that I haven't heard others say, "Oh I relate to him." when they talk about the other OB boys or what. But for some reason, or maybe it's because I know way too many Octavinelle stans XD, when talking about Azul's backstory, people will almost always say that they relate to him, or if not, his backstory stirred something in them. Call it love, embarrassment, dislike, but damn, he made people feel something. And it's what I always love to hear whenever people discuss Azul and his breakdown in chapter 3.

#twisted wonderland #twst #azul ashengrotto #ask

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l-g-h · 10 months

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It's hard to be happy when you don't feel it

This blog post is my raw unfiltered emotions regarding my mental health status and so much more! This past week I recognized that I'm not happy and I haven't been for a long time. It's been almost 3 years since my divorce and an abusive substance abuse relationship that left me in fear and with so much trauma. Now that I am in a fulfilling relationship with someone wonderful I recognize I'm still not actually happy. My depression has gotten worse and my energy levels are often so low yet I still go to work and find the means to be apart of my family and a relationship. I've recently made mistakes and my relationship including sharing with my partner I never feel like anyone is enough for me. I criticize people and expect them to be up to par to my standards of life and yet I know it's because I'm not up to par with where I want to be.

My partner complains often about me treating him "like a child" and often he says that I "parent him." This makes allot of sense as many people in past relationships and my ex-husband used to say those same things about me. So much so that I truly believe that because I haven't changed it completely yet my last relationship I was perpetuated to the same abuse I have caused others. I know what it feels like to not feel like enough to a partner. To feel like your hair isn't right and your weight isn't right. The clothes you wear isn't right and who you hang out with is wrong! It made me question my very existence! and yet I do this to people. To my partner and I feel terrible about it. How can one be happy when there are large portions of your personality and characteristics that you hate! How can one be happy when you feel worthless sometimes and make others feel that way as well.

How can one be happy when no one seems like enough! How can one be happy when mental illness is running rapid in my body. These conditions of anxiety and depression that I am exposed to make me sometimes not want to eat, not want to wakeup, not want to talk to anyone let alone be apart of any relationship. Sometimes I don't even have the strength to be a daughter let alone a god-mother to my niece, an aunt, a sister, a friend, a co-worker. I believe I have just been living. My new profound soundtrack of my life is to find out how I can get happy hence L-G-T Blog "Let's Get Happy"!! I watched a movie on Netflix recently called Happiness for beginners and apart of that movie one of the characters said that she was "studying happiness", because so many people focus on how to overcome trauma so much so she decided she wanted to study "what makes people happy and love their life." That made allot of sense to me as a psychologist and therapist we often focus and teach our clients how to overcome past hurt; but never truly work on how to keep them from it. It's retroactive! I've come to consensus while also inspired by the author and book by Gretchen Rubin The Happiness Project (which I plan on reading soon) that I want my happiness to be now!!

I don't want to wait any longer to be inspired or hopeful for the future! I don't want to focus on past trauma anymore and how to overcome it!

I want to be happy now and that's start by acknowledging what makes me unhappy and focusing on how I can change that second by second, moment by moment!! Earlier today I made a decision to be happy today and I was for the most part until I wasn't! I'll be 34 in 18 days and I'd like others who feel like I do to find happiness with me.

It will look different for all of us! But we can do something about the depression and anxiety! One of my biggest questions along this journey is can I manifest myself out of depression and anxiety and I dare to find out and I will by speaking positivity over myself and being grateful and affirming everyday!

In the moments where I want to cry I will!

in the moments I'm angry I'll allow myself to be!

but in the moments where I can be happy I'll choose to be!

In the moments I don't feel like being a girlfriend, a friend, a daughter, a sister etc. I'll choose to be! Despite the negative emotions I will show up for myself and find a sliver of happiness in the day that is my hope for you as well Let's Get Happy!

#mentalhealth #letsgethappy #blogger #family #love #relationships #anxiety #depression

#mental health #lets get happy #family #depression #anxiety #trauma

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zeephyre · 2 years

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Sucked Into A Bagel.

A depressed person who has Not been having a great time lately tries to put their thoughts together in one coherent post about Everything, Everywhere, All at Once

CW: Depressive thoughts, existential dread. Maybe don't read this if you're gonna get bummed out.

I just... what the Fuck. First of all. Genuinely what the fuck.

I've seen vague reviews of Everything, Everywhere, All at Once, but I was in no way actually prepared to have an actual breakdown during the third act.

The movie in general is amazing. The actors were phenomenal. The visuals were gorgeous. The strange quirkiness of the general concept the story is built around made me giggle because it was so Fun to see. I loved every god. damn. second of it.

I especially enjoyed Joy, or well, being of chaos Jobu Tupaki, but all versions of Joy count anyway. When Jobu gets introduced, I fucking adored how cool she was. How strange and unhinged and detached she seemed. And I was like, "I wanna be like her. She's so fun... She's so powerful." Intellectually, I understood that the reason I loved her was because she "felt nothing," and as someone who feels Too Much all the goddamn time, it was easy to want to come to the higher conclusion that I was above all the bullshit, that because none of it mattered, nothing could hurt me.

When Jobu sang that iconic, "Sucked into a bagel," line, my thought was: "God, I wish I was sucked into a bagel," which kind of sounds ridiculous but later on, it gets Very Very depressing.

Near the end of the movie, when the bagel reveals Everything All at Once, and Evelyn and Jobu finally share the same conclusion that nothing matters at all, I realized (or well, I remembered) Joy has depression.

Not just Jobu, but actual Joy. When the two are staring at rhe bagel, and Jobu expresses that she was glad she wouldn't have to die alone, finally, I remembered the scene so much earlier in the movie where Evelyn was speaking to her Joy about Jobu like she was some monster that was ruining Joy's life. There was a specific line that implied Joy struggled with depression, at the very least.

Anyways, Jobu uncomfortably reminded me of myself, and while the entire family made me cry multiple times,

This whole scene, especially where Joy expresses how tired she is, really fucked me up.

More than anything, it felt like in real life, I was being sucked into a bagel - this empty nothing that's supposed to help everything else fuck off so I can finally be happy. I had been feeling like this for years, and it was no surprise, but it was getting worse recently. The conclusion that Joy and Evelyn had was cathartic and beautiful, but I did not experience that.

I just felt like I was being given hope, one of the most painful things I have ever experienced. Because being alive always hurts so much more when you're fighting for the right to be here.

The movie didnt... fix me. But, I cried. I was in so much pain, and I have no real way of describing it.

I have felt so tired for so fucking long, maybe I'm just hoping, just waiting for all of this to make some fucking sense. Maybe I'm clinging to whatever moments i can, like Edalyn said, struggling through the parts that make me feel like a pointless piece of shit, and maybe I'm just so fucking tired and so fucking lonely.

I don't really know what the hell to do with myself now. Every so often I come to this conclusion: I want to be alive. I do. But I hate it so much that it was always feels like I'm at war with myself. Everything sucks and nothing matters, except that some of it does. Some of it makes me so happy I could cry. But I still????? feel so pointless???

This... has been all over the place and very depressing, so. Anyway you should watch Everything, Everywhere, All at Once.

#everything everywhere all at once #jobu tupaki #sorry for being depressing #existentialism #i need therapy #Spotify

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lovequinn · 3 years

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mushy shit about some recent events

open the cut if you dare bc it's just me crying and rambling and being very sentimental over things but y'all asked so

over the past week and a half i was lucky enough to do two things that meant the world to me: i saw harry styles in concert (harryween n2 supremacy!) and i had the chance to meet/speak to anna kendrick.

i will start with harry bc i feel like that is the one that surprises people more lmao and to save myself the effort of typing this all twice, i will copy and paste my blubbering from instagram:

in 2012 i made it my mission to become as involved with one direction as possible. i was a closeted teenager in a hostile, primarily republican town who didn't know how to deal with the feelings i was feeling, and the obvious solution to me was to blend. so like every straight girl i knew, i bought all the albums, i went to the concerts, i even waited 5 hours on line to meet them and have them sign my cd (in the stone ages when people still did mall tours). not to say i didn't enjoy myself, because i really did find a lot of fun in being a part of that era, but for me it was never exactly the same as it was for everyone else. i often sat with the discomfort of knowing i was using this band to hide a large part of my own self.

watching harry styles, whose solo music did end up reaching me in a place one direction's never could, unabashedly ignore the norms of gender and sexuality has felt personal in a way i can't describe. the other night i got to watch him sing about confidence and kindness on a stage littered with pride flags, back to back with the song that was ever present when i was hiding all those years ago (wmyb) as if he were acknowledging how much things have changed. i watched the entire arena glow with a rainbow of lights. and while the me of 9 years ago was someone very different, that poor kid's heart would have been bursting the same way it is right now. in 2021, this feels right.

and now ANNA.

at the same time in 2012 that i was pulling my "yes haha i totally want to date the 1d guys i'm being so convincing" act, i also watched pitch perfect for the first time. and like any good blossoming gay, i saw beca and chloe together and went oh...oh. i had a tumblr already because of (surprise surprise) one direction, and i had already made my first forays into reading fanfiction (thank you degrassi), but i had never really experienced fandom before. much less lgbt fandom. i remember sitting one night and searching the pitch perfect tag, just out of curiosity. and i found the bechloe fandom, and these wonderful, friendly people of all kinds, most importantly other people like me. bechloe was my very first time participating in a community with other lgbt people in a time when i needed it most. i remember feeling lonely and ostracized at school each day, but being able to come home and find myself among a group of people who understood. i have never shyed away from saying that the bechloe fandom raised me, and i mean it; alex, cole, cam, hanna, so many others (some of you who are still mutuals with me here, some of you who became off-tumblr and irl friends, some of you who are out there somewhere even though we lost touch) were my family in so many of the ways that mattered. this fandom listened to me when i needed an ear, watched me try (and often fail) at my first attempts at writing, eased me through crushes, helped pay for my textbooks when i got older. even if your interests changed, or if you drifted away from social media altogether, i've never forgotten a single name or a single conversation. and it was all because we couldn't shut up about two girls awkwardly in a shower singing acapella who were OBVIOUSLY in love while having embarrassing urls like "tonerforsnow" (guilty as charged).

i've always felt like i owe that community to anna kendrick and brittany snow. despite every show or movie or whatever i jump to focus on next, they will always hold that special place in my heart. they didn't shy away from their lgbt fans, they played along with us and weren't afraid to talk about a wlw ship and in turn strengthened that little circle of family i'd found. over the years their other projects, onscreen or off (i.e. scrappy little nobody and love is louder) and even just their general attitude has brought much needed light into my life and given me many a smile when nothing else could. i am well-known in all my irl circles as the connossieur of all things anna and brittany and i wear that title with pride lol

i've never met brittany, and while i got to ask anna a question at her book tour a little over four years ago (still embarrassed over how nervous i sounded rip), i'd never spoken to her face to face. i was lucky enough to attend the season 2 premiere of love life last sunday (a great example of one of anna's projects that has touched my rotted heart) and by a stroke of luck had the chance to talk to anna and briefly thank her for how much her work has meant to me over the past 9 years. and whew nothing really compares to the feeling of finally telling someone "hey, what you've done and what you've put out there has changed me in a really profound way."

she could not have been kinder to me (suck it tiktok weirdos), which i'm super grateful for because i was admittedly shaking like a wet dog and didn't want to impede on her space at her event. i also had been having a really rough couple of weeks and didn't realize how much i just needed someone to say something nice or give me a casual compliment, and i especially didn't realize the person to give me that compliment would end up being anna kendrick.

anyway this was a lot of words that no one will read and it was mostly all for me to get it out but idk the past week and a half has been super cathartic for my inner child and my spirits are super high. i am the first person to criticize celebrity culture and toxic standom but i also have my fair share of good experiences with it all and i'm happy i had the chance to do some time travel of sorts lately. ok i'm gonna go watch anna on corden now ❤️

#personal #anna kendrick #harry styles #for the anons who wanted to know abt anna i'm sorry this is so long whoops

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portraitoftheoddity · 4 years

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So like I really like Steve and all and he's definitely got the right heart and that's what fandom likes about him, how he stood up to bullies and injustice with his fist raised. But recently I've rewatched avatar and Aang got me thinking, is going against the world fist ready really the right thing. Like Aang was no coward he still stopped Ozai but in most of his battles he tries for peace first. In fact Avatar as a whole talks about change in people.

Like Sokka turned from misogynistic to respecting women, and Iroh's love and patience redeemed Zuko. As much as I love Steve Rogers, fist fighting bullies and getting your ass handed to you or successfully beating them to a pulp isn't going to change them, and it sends a wrong message of fighting fire with fire and bullies don't learn when you punch them usually they get pettier. I agree Steve is right at not letting injustice go be it canon or fandom but Iove that scene in avatar when Aang got into a fire nation school and when a guy tried to fight him he was just like nooope but still managed to be on top as opposed to Steve (maybe just fan fic ver) who would try a punch. I mean I can see Steve screaming at the lies of the fire nation school instead of calmly informing the truth and throwing a dance party. Like Aang might be too pacific sometimes but is charging against people really a good lesson. Stand for what's right, but like in a chill way. And I'm not sure if this is just the fandom version of Steve but in TFS we did kinda see him in an alley fight against a just a ride guy. Sorry about the long rant but what do you think about Steve's fight me attitude being completely glorified in his fandom.

I apologize that I’m gonna gonna get a little long-winded here!

I agree with you that peaceful solutions are great to try first, but when it comes to this punch-happy version of Steve you reference, I think you’re kinda looking at a strawman version of the character, anon -- maybe from poorly-written fic or memes, but not exactly the Steve of film or comics.

Now, the respective approaches of both Aang and Steve are in part a product of the media they originated in. A show aimed at kids with a single overall plotline and arc is often going to aim for a peaceful solution and allow for linear character growth -- while comics, movies and shows developed around a character specifically designed to punch Hitler as a statement during WWII are less likely to have a core message of pacifism, and their structure and circular timelines make growth arcs more difficult to sustain. This doesn’t mean one character’s approach or the other is superior, just that they come from different contexts, narratively and in terms of medium. Plus, there are different kinds of fights, and not all are going to offer us the same options as solutions. Looking for ideological purity -- only ever opting for the ‘right’ solution -- can often lead to doing nothing when no ‘right’ solution presents itself, which can result in more harm than taking a less-than-perfect action.

Let us not forget that when an authoritarian army showed up to kill everyone and wipe out the North Pole, Aang does go all Koizilla with the ocean spirit and wipes out the Fire Nation fleet. Aang has fought people. Aang, albeit with the alibi of “a spirit was in charge”, indirectly kills people (Zhao ends up pretty dead as a direct result of Aang’s spirit rampage). This isn’t particularly glorified, but at the time there isn’t a better outcome presented. Doing nothing would have led to the massacre of the Northern Water Tribe.

That said, I LOVE ATLA and its messages of growth and compassion and I think it’s great to have a protagonist who opts to give people a way out.

...Which is what Steve does.

We see Steve do this more than once. In CA:TWS, Steve recognizes Bucky and tried to get through to him, to avoid a fight. One ensues, but Steve then refuses to fight him anymore once he’s disabled the helicarrier and saved everyone else, willingly putting his own life on the line to gamble on some part of Bucky’s inner self being in there and worth saving. He isn’t willing to put the lives of other innocents and noncombatants on the line -- protecting them is a priority, even if it means fighting Bucky -- but once that factor is out of the equation, he drops his shield and tries to reach him.

In the same movie, a few scenes earlier, Steve appeals to the personnel of SHIELD -- an organization that has labeled him a terrorist and been hunting him -- and paints out the reality of the situation, giving the good people within the opportunity to react and rebel against the element of HYDRA that has infiltrated -- which they do! But there isn’t a magical lionturtle showing up to tell him how to stop the helicarriers from taking off and murdering millions of people without any casualties, so, yanno. He does what he can.

Heck, Steve is occasionally teased by other characters for his speechifying -- not just to give pep talks, but to try to get through to people. He does this in the comics a lot. You’ve probably seen this page going around:

It doesn’t always work out. But he tries.

You suggest Steve would punch someone who was wrong in Aang’s Fire Nation School, but I don’t agree with that reading on the character based on what we see Steve do. Steve very rarely is the one to completely initiate a fight. Usually he is reactive. He sees a situation where someone is being a jerk, points out the injustice, and if the person is insisting on hurting someone, Steve inserts himself to make sure it’s him instead of anyone else. Whether the jerk in question is a single bully or an entire army.

You bring this scene up, but when Steve confronts the guy heckling in the movie theater (who is making a woman cry, I’ll add), it’s clear from the man’s posture when he stands up and Steve’s look of dread that while Steve has spoken up, the escalation to violence is not his choice. When we see him a moment later in the alley, he’s fighting defensively -- drawing the man’s ire, keeping him distracted. Steve is reactive in this entire scenario -- not the instigator. (and I think if Steve had Aang’s airbending, he’d love to dodge more punches instead of getting his ass kicked!)

The fact that Steve’s primary weapon is a shield -- a symbol of defense, not offense -- speaks to the fact his entire MO is protection. Violence not for violence’s sake, but to intervene in existing violence when there is no other recourse.

But Steve also admittedly has a stronger sense of responsibility than Aang does at the series’ start. Aang dodges, but he also gets called out by other characters for running away from a lot of his problems instead of confronting them. Steve, if he were a bender, I think would likely be an Earthbender like Toph; solid, stubborn, listening and reacting (though ironically, he would lose his shit over the willful obliviousness and apathy of Ba Sing Se’s leadership). Steve feels a deep personal duty to always be in the thick of it where things are already at their worst.

If there had been no deus ex machina energybending option presented at the eleventh hour, would it have been better for Aang to die and doom the world than to compromise his morals and kill the Fire Lord? It’s a question of hypothetical principles vs reality of harm in that instance. Aang as a character is allowed by the story to adhere to his principles and get a happy ending. Steve as a character does his best, but ultimately has to compromise with reality when he has to, when it’s not just his life at stake, but many others should he fail to act in time. In those high-stakes scenarios, his cards are often limited.

Steve as a character doesn’t arbitrarily start fights. But he goes to where the status quo is untenable, or where a fight is already raging, and he takes a stand. If he can convince someone to step down peacefully? That’s ideal! But usually by the time Captain America has shown up, there are megaweapons primed and loaded and fascists already hurting people or robots trying to destroy the planet or a Titan about to wipe everyone out, so the ideal option is rarely still on the table. No dance party is gonna be enough to change Red Skull’s crazy nazi mind about killing everyone (which is too bad, because I’d love to watch Steve do the lindy hop). There is no ‘chill way’ to stand for what’s right at that point.

And ultimately, I think we need both kinds of characters! I think it’s important to encourage diplomacy and compassion, to urge people to find common ground and to find nonviolent ways of diffusing and deescalating situations. To look at things from other perspectives, and to give people the option to learn and grow and be better than they were. I love a good rehabilitation arc, and think ATLA does this beautifully and has incredibly important messaging and philosophies.

But I also think we need stories that say, hey, when those options aren’t on the table? When no one is listening no matter what you try to say, when you’ve looked for a way around it and no lionturtles have showed up to save your ass? Sometimes, you have to put yourself in front of the guy swinging punches and raise you shield and stop him. Sometimes you don’t get the nice options that make you feel good; sometimes the world is messy and ugly; but sometimes, even if we can’t do the ideal thing, we can still do the right thing. Take action and put an end to the perpetuation of violence in the moment to protect the helpless. (Then work on rehabilitation and communication.)

#lena has thoughts #meta #avatar: the last airbender #steve rogers #captain america #Anonymous #lena answers things

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thebirdandhersong · 3 years

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Hey, so I've basically never watched any k-dramas, but I've read a lot of manga and manhwa and the automatic next step does feel like moving into k-dramas. You seem to have watched a number, so I was wondering if you could make a recommended list? Only if you felt like it of course, but it would be helpful! (Preferably of at least some which are on netflix uk, I looked up 18 again but it's unfortunately not on here in Britain :(. But if you have favourites I'd just like to know them so I can look out for them anywhere)

Also yay! Your term's ended!

(yanks open the door) did someone say RECOMMENDATIONS?? I DO have many!!! Boy do I have them!!!!

(YAY!! One last exam and I'm done for the summer!)

I love Eastern entertainment (manga, k-dramas, c-dramas, and movies from Korea and Taiwan) because of several reasons: the scripts are phenomenal nine times out of ten; Asian culture puts a strong emphasis on the importance of family, personal responsibility, learning from one's mistakes, expressing affection through gestures and acts of service, and friendship and I really love seeing that in a story; and they make good use of silence and stillness in shows and movies, which is pretty rare in Hollywood. The quiet moments between characters are more often than not some of the most important in the story and I Love That!!

The dramas I'm (briefly) listing are in bold if they're available on Netflix UK, and in bold and italicised if they're available on Rakuten Viki (which is a mostly-free drama streaming service, though unfortunately they're rather heavy on the ads). The Absolute Favourites are marked with stars (***). Though I can't actually see the whole list of dramas available in the UK, so some of these may be wrong, and it may be worth checking twice!

If you're in the mood for something fast-paced:

Descendants of the Sun (Viki); considered a Classic

- romantic comedy, medical drama, a bit of action

- The confident and charming leader of a Special Forces unit meets a reserved surgeon and they hit it off, after some... interesting misunderstandings. But after dating briefly and breaking up, they find themselves reunited on a peacekeeping mission in a war-torn country. Insert a lot of Suspense and Excitement but also a lot of Comedy and Sincere Declarations of Love.

- if you enjoy Song Joongki's performance, I'd also recommend his movie A Werewolf Boy. If you enjoy Song Hye-kyo's performance, I'd recommend her drama Encounter.

***Come and Hug Me (Viki, but I don't know if it costs money?)

- thriller/suspense, romance, this one genuinely stressed me out but the moments of peace and reconciliation (and the ENDING) were well worth it

- Their first loves during their youth ends in her mother's death and their separation. Years later, the lively daughter of the murdered woman is now an actress, and the introverted son of the serial killer has become a police officer. They meet each other again (Of Course) and have to tackle all sorts of Nonsense (including the serial killer's return, his murderous brother's return from prison, the Media, the ghosts of their past, etc. etc.) together. HUGE focus on forgiveness, hope, healing, unconditional and self-sacrificial love. Also one of the best redemption arcs (I did in fact bawl my eyes out)

- my friend just started crying when we first watched this drama together because the male lead is just so gentle and tenderhearted and steadfast :')

If you're in the mood for something a bit slower

***Goblin/Guardian (Viki); International Acclaim

- fantasy, drama, one of the funniest dramas I've ever watched, but also tears (I cried at a rate of around once every two episodes. This show talks a lot about life and meaning and the effect your actions and words have on the people around you.)

- Kim Shin, a general from the Goryeo Dynasty, is cursed to live as an immortal Goblin (a Korean mythical/fairy tale figure) until his destined Bride pulls the sword from his chest, thus breaking the 'spell' and ending his life. He really did not expect his bride to be the vivacious and irrepressible Eun-tak, though, and What's More!! He did not expect that he would start wanting to live again :))) Includes a surprising amount of comedy, a surprising amount of tears, and EXCELLENT screenwriting. (Descendants and Goblin share the same brilliant writer.)

- fun fact: parts of it were shot in Quebec!! One of the characters refers to Canada as "the maple nation" early on in the story and my friend and I just burst into laughter.

***Encounter (Viki, but I'm not sure if it costs money?)

- melodrama, romantic comedy, FAIRY TALE

- a cold and withdrawn woman, recently divorced because of her husband's infidelity, and a warm-hearted and optimistic young man meet on the streets of Cuba by accident, and upon separating without means of contact, find themselves back in Korea as boss and newly hired employee. This sounds like a recipe for disaster: stuffed to the gills with unnecessary workplace drama and gossip, etc. but the story focuses instead on family, vulnerability, transformation, sacrifice, about art, compassion, mending relationships, opening up to people, and about the beauty in bringing and receiving comfort and love.

- also. ALSO. Fairy tale!!! with illustrated opening and ending cards and everything!!! (they literally refer to her as the Ice Princess. And her Prince is the human equivalent of sunshine. I Love him)

- if you like Park Bo-gum's performance, I'd recommend Reply 1988, too!

***One Spring Night

- melodrama; quiet and understated but very beautiful

- A bright, clever, and sharp-tongued librarian meets a quiet, steady, and gentle pharmacist one day. It turns out that he's a single father, and she's trapped in a relationship that really isn't working out. Friendship! Family! Sisters standing up for each other and saying No I Won't Let You Treat My Sister Like This, You Jerk! Figuring things out! Learning how to love! I really don't know what else to say, except for the fact that I loved it very much!!

- if you enjoy Jung Hae-in's performance, I'd also recommend Something in the Rain (which should also be on Netflix!) for his acting alone. I just think he's neat.

Reply 1988

- slice-of-life, comedy

- In the late 1980s, five friends (four boys, one girl) who have grown up with each other since childhood are Going Through It in high school. This drama is all about the little things that happen in life, and about learning to understand your family and your friends. Deok-sun is just trying to survive all of This as the middle child, and as a young girl who is trying to figure this Romance thing out. In the present, adult Deok-sun is just as lively, and is now happily married..... but to whom? :))) A Lot of '80s Asian culture, daily antics, and good old friendship.

- if you like Park Bo-gum's performance, I'd recommend Encounter too :)

18 Again (Viki)

- romantic comedy, fantasy/time travel (sort of)

- Nearly twenty years of marriage, and things have been going Wrong all over the place. His wife wants a divorce, he's no longer close to his teenaged kids, and he's just lost the job he's been faithfully working at for years. Daeyoung wishes that he could go back somehow, and finds himself 18 once again.... except he's still in the present. Interesting things ensue. He enrolls in school (it turns out to be the same one his kids attend), and decides to pursue the dreams he had to give up when he was a teenager. Antics ensue! But also Healing: he gets to know his kids all over again, and is able to view his relationships with Dajung (whom he still loves. Of course) and his estranged father in a new light.

- I have not finished this drama yet but judging from the first third of it, it is both well-written and well-acted. There are a few things that I am not a fan of, but on the whole Lee Dohyun's performance is wonderful and I have already cried buckets.

Other honourable mentions:

100 Days My Prince: historical drama. Prince caught in an assassination plot, loses his memory, wakes up in a village right when the king issues a marriage law that results in his marrying the spirited 'spinster'.

Still 17/Thirty But Seventeen: 17 year old violin prodigy in a coma after an accident, wakes up when she's 30; the boy who inadvertently caused the accident runs into her again after she wakes up and helps her adjust to her new life. Lots of wacky humour, very sweet!!

#as per usual this is horrendously long #but i hope that this is helpful!!#k-dramas in the past have had some pretty questionable male leads #as in: the aggressively alpha male lead who thinks kindergarten bullying is a form of flirting #and i am very Not Here for that #so my favourite dramas tend to have Oak/Tilney/Wentworth-style male leads #ALSO!! storytelling in Eastern media takes a different approach than Western media #so it is so interesting to me to watch dramas like Goblin and 18 Again that take a pretty unconventional approach #songbird again

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topherfoxtrot · 3 years

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Ice cold eyes❄️

❄️Anders Cain smut yeahh. Don't worry you don't need to watch the movie, just keep in mind he's a hockey player with daddy and anger issues.

✨As usual reader is first person and neutral. The dialogue is fun but the text gets super explicit at the end. Be advised. TWs include sex obviously, daddy calling, feet kissing and cum swallow.

🙏Don't forget to like, reblog or comment anything if you enjoyed this piece of moral depravity ^^

Being Anders' neighbor was weird. Some days I could listen to him screaming at the tv or at the cellphone. Some nights I could hear his bed moving around while he had sex. Sometimes his apartment would stay in absolute silence for almost a month. Other times I could listen to him crying in the dark. Those usually came after he had a phone call with his dad.

Tonight was one of those nights. I have a really good hearing so I could always hear his cellphone's ringtone. I paused the Netflix show I was watching and silently walked towards the wall so I could hear him better. Anders' 'hey dad' was kinda of shy. There was some silence. He tried to speak but his father on the other end of the call interrupted him. Anders listened to whatever his dad was saying in silence, except for an occasional deep sigh. He tried to speak again but was interrupted once more. Anders finished the call with a "yes sir".

I knew what was coming but I couldn't take myself away from the wall. I listened to the few dragged footsteps Anders made before collapsing on what I assumed was his couch. Anders cried as silently as he could, I never saw his tears but I could listen to the sniffs. At this point a huge part of me had already decided going to his house so I could help him in some way. I had to wait for the next stage though.

Anders got up and growled. Like a feral animal he approached his punching bag and started to beat the shit out of it. After living next to Anders for more than a year I could actually pinpoint when he was casually training and when he was having one of those anger releasing moments. I walked around my house trying to come up with an excuse to pay him a visit while the punching continued.

There was not a cup of sugar or borrowed plastic pot or any favor to return. We barely ever talked to each other apart from the eventual good mornings and good evenings we would say to each other when we crossed on the hall. Hell I only knew his name because I heard some of his friends saying it in own of those boys nights they have.

I pressed my lips and frowned in disappointment before walking back to the wall. The punching had stoped. I took a deep breath while gathering the courage to actually go talk to him. I left my apartament and walked towards his door still minding my steps as if I was doing something imoral (like invading his privacy). It took me a couple moments to actually knock on his door. I heard him moving around, he clearly wasn't expecting anyone.

When Anders opened the door the first thing I noticed was the bandaid on his nose and the little wound on his left eyebrow. And of course his eyes were bloated due to the recent crying. We were both wearing the same clothes: sweatpants and an old t-shirt. He sniffled hard before talking softly.

"Can I help you?"

"I'm gonna be honest with you." I switched the weight on my feet, "I know you have been crying."

Anders looked at me like I've just caught him completely naked. His eyes traveled to my bare feet and up to my head real fast. They crossed the hall and then stopped at my eyes. It felt like there was more than one sentence forming inside his head at the same time. I purposefully passed my hands on my arms and elbows. He blinked a couple times before inviting me to come in as I knew he would.

The punching bag felt familiar even though I've never actually seen it. I spotted the couch too and the tv. His apartment had the same blueprint than mine and yet it looked really different. I could tell that some of the furniture was too expansive to be there. And the whole place smelled like the cleaning products I couldn't afford to buy. In an instant I remembered all the occasions I would hear the broom and the vacuum working at his apartment. Anders' voice took me out of my own thoughts.

"I'm sorry you heard me." He came from the kitchen holding a glass of water.

"You don't need to!" I reassured him.

"No." Anders shook his head, "I shouldn't cry like that. I'm a grown up. I can take it."

I actually chuckled upon hearing that. He looked offended so I quickly grabbed the glass of water to assert some kindness.

"I'm sorry! It's just that... that's not what being an adult is about. At all! Besides my relationship with my dad is also not good so I can definitely relate."

"You heard the call too?"

"Come on Anders we've been living next to each other for over a year man!" I almost spit the water when I realized what the silence he made actually meant. He never told me his name. I chuckled again, embarrassed this time, "Sorry, I heard your friends calling you that."

He quickly looked at the wall as if trying to see through into my apartment.

"My hearing is above average good, I guess." I smiled akwardly, "And the walls are super thin."

"Actually now that I think about it." Anders looked at me again, from head to toe like he did at the door, "I've heard you to."

Hearing that made my spine freeze. I replayed all my days in my mind. I work from home so I basically stay indoors 24/7. I often listen to music but never loud enough to disturb anyone. I also listen to podcasts while cooking and always end up crying with Netflix shows not targeted to my age. What has he heard??

"what have you heard?"

Anders actually smiled. He walked to the kitchen and came back with a bottle of expensive wine and two cups.

"Are you in a hurry?"

***

We spend some good forty minutes talking on his couch while drinking wine and eating sunflower seeds. Anders said it was about the gains. 'Sunflower seeds are for the winners!', on his words.

We exchanged cooking recipes and cleaning techniques. We also talked about how hard (yet good) it was to live alone. I talked about my work at the computer and he talked about his hockey games and how he would sometimes travel to play far away leagues, which explained his occasional absence.

As the alcohol made it's magic we started to talk about more silly stuff. He said that I had a really bad taste in music, which I agreed. I said that once I found out his name and heard his friends using all this sport vocabulary I googled 'Anders + hockey' to figure out who he was. And I was actually quite surprised he was considerably famous even though I had no idea who he was. I almost considered selling his address to crazy fans. That made him laugh

"How are they like?" I poured more wine into both our glasses, "The fans I mean."

"Eh, you know." Anders shrugged, "Some of them want to drink a beer with you. Some of them want to kiss you. And some of them want to kidnap you."

"And have you ever been kidnapped?"

"Only on purpose." Anders winked at me. That made me smile. His beard was not really my thing but looking closely he was indeed quite attractive. Or maybe that was just the wine talking.

"I mean, I'm at your house and you're drunk. I could very much kidnap you right now couldn't I?" without putting any thoughts into it I raised my feet to the couch because they're so so damn cold. Anders grabbed my feet softly and placed them on his lap.

"You're also drunk. Do you think you can keep me here?"

"At this point we both know that you can only get kidnapped if you're willing to. So the question is: do you want me to kidnap you, Anders Cain?"

He looked at me with those bright blue eyes of his while gently caressing my feet. Slowly and without taking his eyes off me Anders brought my left foot closer to him and kissed it. No one has ever done that to me. And very few people have looked at at me the way he was looking.

"How much do you think you father would pay for your rescue?"

"Honestly? Not much..." Anders placed my foot on his lap again and for a few seconds he looked away from me. I bit my lip in frustration.

"Let's put it this way then." I placed my almost empty glass of wine on the expansive mat, "What about you being daddy tonight?"

The look on Anders' face made it clear that no one has ever offered him such position before. And I was so glad I could be the first to help him explore such profanity. His hands moved from my feet to my ankles. I got closer to him and grabbed his glass of wine to placed it on the mat as well. From this distance I could see a little bit of gray in his eyes. We kissed.

At first softly. His beard felt weird against my cheeks and chin, but not for long. I could taste the wine on his lips and mouth. Once his tongue came into play I felt his hands on my thighs. That made me kiss him even harder. It's been more than a month since the last time I had sex, I definitely missed the touch. I tried to jump on his lap but he grunted in pain and quickly asked me to back away.

"What is it?" I asked worried.

"Hockey stuff." He briefly explained before taking off his shirt to reveal the wounds around his ribs and shoulders. In the heat of the moment that only made me desire Anders even more. I took my shirt off and got up to get closer to him. I gently placed my hands on his waist before kissing him again.

"Don't worry." I whispered, "I'll be gentle daddy."

That made Anders hyperventilate briefly, which of course only made me proud of myself. I kissed his big hands. Then I kissed his forearms and biceps. His shoulders were broad and strong and yet lean. I kissed his shoulders and back being careful not to put too much pressure of the wounds. He flinched slightly but didn't ask me to stop.

Facing Anders again I grabbed the sweatpants and lowered them slowly. His eyes followed mine like that scene from karate kid. That made me feel powerful but I promised 'daddy' I would be kind. I would bring him to orgasm. I would bring him to forget his problems for a while. I would bring him to relax.

I grabbed Anders' dick in order to pull him into his room, but he didn't move. Instead he pulled me closer and kissed my neck. His bite made electricity run through my whole body. When we parted he looked at me with such predator eyes. Blue as ice. Sharp as a knife. Terrifying is not the best word to describe it but it's the first one that comes to mind.

Suddenly I remembered all those videos I digged up online of Anders beating the shit out of other hockey players. Did he look at them the same way he was looking at me? Did they like it as much as I am? Unfiltered duo to the alcohol I whispered.

"You're crazy."

"You like it." He whispered back.

It felt like we should smile but we didn't. Our eyes kept locked in a horny stare. I grabbed his dick again and pulled him into his room without taking my eyes off his. Same blueprint. The thing that catch my attention was the daisy flowers on Anders' bedstand. They seemed out of place for some reason. Or maybe I just didn't know him well enough.

I made him sit on the bed, back on the headboard. He made himself comfortable and I got naked in front of him. He looked at me from head to toe for the third time that night. I licked my own lips in anticipation. His dick was rock hard. Inviting me.

I crawled towards Anders. My hands caressing his ankles and thighs. I kissed him in the mouth again before kissing his neck. He grunted with my weight on him, but only slightly. I then proceeded to kiss his chest and nipples. With my mouth I followed his blonde treasure trail. I kissed his balls testing their sensitivity. Then licked his dick from base to head. When I finally put his cock inside my mouth Anders shivered a little.

His dick was not too long or thick. It was avarage but it only made it easier for me to do my thing. I absolutely took my time. I payed attention to every moan and slight movement Anders made. Slowly deciphering what he liked best.

When I felt like he was approaching climax I went faster for the final prize. He started to moan louder like I've heard from my apartment. I recognized it. I knew it was time. I swallowed his dick into my throat until I felt my nose touching his pubes. He cummed hard into my mouth. I closed my eyes and moaned loudly as I swallowed spunk after spunk of his delicious cum.

After his orgasm I kept sucking his dick until it became soft again. Anders kept moving his finger toes around and grunting in pleasure as I finished my job. When I eventually got satisfied I moved to get off the bed but Anders pulled me back to a kiss. His eyes were still as blue as ice but they looked at me with much more kindness now. We both took a deep breath before kissing again.

***

I didn't like to sleep in the house of the people I had sex with but my apartment was literally a few steps away so I didn't mind. Anders and I took a shower together. We were more sober at the time and talked drowned in the kind of intimacy only an orgasm can grant you, even if temporarily. I slept on his bed with him. We woke up a few times because I would accidentally put my weight on one his hockey wounds.

In the next morning he left to train and I left to my apartment for working. He spend a couple days away and I caught myself checking the hockey leagues every now and then. We had sex some other times after that. I don't know if we consider ourselves friends but one thing is for sure: at this point we know each other better than anyone.

#Anders Cain #FoxtrotFanfic #Wyatt Russell #smut #goon last of the enforcers 2017 #as you know english is not my first language #I'm literally so proud of this writing #also this was the hornier i got so far #hope y'all enjoy :D

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twiststreet · 4 years

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I'd be curious for more of your thoughts on that Hibbs piece. I've read him for years and often find him insightful, but this one seems very reactionary in a very typical retailer way ("blinkered" was a good word Kim O'Connor used). Particularly, he seems to pretend that Diamond is just fine as is and that DC had no reason to want to switch distribution. I recently swore off DC, but I've noticed since the switch that those comics have been on time at my lcs each week. Diamond, not so much.

Yeah, I don’t really agree with that (I missed whatever Kim said), though I really don’t know what’s going on at a retail level. I haven’t gone regularly to a comic shop in years.

(Setting aside the health stuff, which is the most striking thing in there:) Hibbs is a retailer writing from a retailer perspective, so wishing that he was saying something else”... I mean, we know what we’re signing up for when we read it; we know how to slot it into our own personal worldviews. I’m not to going to complain that Hibbs isn’t going to tell me how long to cook a steak for, or that he’s not yelling that the Direct Market should be dismantled because if those were what I was looking to read, the egg should be on my face for pulling him up to begin with.

The question with Hibbs I think I always have is “how representative is he of retailers generally, as a store in San Francisco.” (And I think people slightly overstate how non-representative he is because if you hear him talk about his operations, he makes clear he operates differently for different retail audiences, when he had that second store going-- I don’t know if that’s still a thing, but. And also: I don’t fucking know what it means to be San Francisco anymore because what is that city even...). But generally, you know, you take that data point into consideration but still try to get at what you’ve signed up for, when you read what he says-- where are retailers’ heads at... You know, you go “well if Hibbs is at 8 then even adjusting -2 for factors x y and z, that mean Joe Median-Store might be at 6 and 6 is great / isn’t great, etc.”

Hibbs has always erred slightly worried, on the spectrum of human reactions, so you know, (even though I personally tend to be drawn to that more than optimism), I’m not sitting here going “I bet DC’s going to license all their characters tomorrow because he says so” because it’s not like the first time I’ve heard that-- though it remains entirely possible, possibly a good idea for the suits (though probably not for anyone else), who even knows. (Though if you’ve been listening to Rob Liefeld talk on Robservations about Heroes Reborn you’ll already know a significant challenge that would face-- that if they do a trial balloon, the people who already entrenched will do whatever they can to poison the trial balloon so as to make the case for not doing it and remaining entrenched...)(that becomes tougher after multiple waves of layoffs, though).

But what he’s talking about-- DC just did its own Heroes World...? As soon as I heard all that to begin with (and I didn’t pay close attention because the world was happening), my first reaction was “oh shit, Heroes World!” So a comic retailers saying “this is looking the same after __ months in these specific ways” ... I’m going to pay attention to that. I just remember how spectacularly unlikely it was that comics cleaned up the mess they’d made of themselves in the 90′s. It was a ridiculously unlikely set of events that turned things around, and I don’t think you can reasonably expect those events to happen again. (Especially after the “we learned a lesson from the 90′s” part turned out to be a lie, which is something I know I was yelling and screaming about for years and I was getting called like “ungrateful” or something by the Serious Comic Voices of Seriousness for it, there were entire CBR blog posts about how I didn’t understand how great things were now, etc, etc, etc... I don’t think they pull that “we learned not to rip people off” lie again, not this batch of assholes. Though who knows, maybe....)

I mean, sure there are criticisms of Diamond to be had, of trad retail to be had. And there’s the giant black box of “how desperate are people right now” that hasn’t been reported on. There was a time in ‘02-’04 or so when a book distributor or somebody like that went down, and it almost took out Fantagraphics with it. And this seems worse than that! Where’s the money flowing here and whose debts are getting paid first? I don’t have any idea. There’s all these systems in play that have been knocked out by COVID, and who knows who’s owed how much money or how much product is sitting in a warehouse collecting warehouse fees, etc., like this is all a fucking disaster and there’s no reporting on it (comic reporters are too busy encouraging Damon Lindelof to make Watchmen TV shows) and there’s ... DC is a black box in a black box in a black box (he said, having waited for 3 years for DC to answer an easy question once).

But even if DC had good reason to do whatever it did? It doesn’t seem to matter much if the rest of the comic market’s built around Diamond and if no one has the health of the Direct Market on its radar. And DC doesn’t if they fucking fired everyone who understands the health of the Direct Market as even being a fucking concept to begin with, which is extremely likely at this point. Or ... I don’t know-- it’s the old comic problem of people wanting to argue that “the thing is bad an we need to replace the thing.” Diamond’s bad and we need to replace it. Okay. With what? And with comics, the answer is usually “moonbeams and hopes and hugs.” There’s just a lot of wishful thinking out there that a Better Answer just shows up. I don’t know about that...

Comic retail’s built around selling Batman. For DC’s moves to be this impactful, that’s a problem at the core of the system. The undoing was in the origin. So i get that criticism, and it’s well taken (except to the extent there’s an entirely speculative argument built around it that either (a) there would be some other system that’d exist but-for and (b) there’d be some flourishing of human creativity but-for). But that’s still a lot of people and a lot of human energy that’s at issue. And the few life rafts that are out there, you’re not going to get a lot of people on them. Digital is a joke (according to me, a digital comic publisher! hahaha)-- hibbs if anything overstates the possibilities there because as a retailer, he doesn’t want to bring up that we’re in the Golden Age of Comic Piracy. (And ... I like being a digital comic publisher! I’m having fun. But). And bookstores-- bookstores are great, provided your readership expectation are 10-14 year old girls. Which might be better for comics if that became the default comic as compared to 35-50 year old bachelors that’s the DM’s bread and butter, but... I think you probably have to be okay with a lot fewer people having gigs. Bookstores can’t even remotely support the same level of human activity that comic shops can, by the look of things. (You know at some point you have a larger cultural heat death going on, that’s the part I find interesting, but...)

I don’t know. Hibbs might be to an extreme. I might be to an extreme. But having seen people voting for Biden and then going “wait, he’s going to hire racist industry-controlled centrists?? we got nothing for our vote? we’ve been betrayed!”... having seen people talk about what a great human being George Bush was (I saw a tweet fucking today that was like “George Bush was underrated because he was nice to a trans person once”)... I’ve become very cynical about the human memory or ability to learn lessons. I don’t think people remember 1995-1999 in comics, and just... how ridiculous it was when that got turned around. It was like watching them pull off a fucking heist to turn things around last time... Comics are selling-- people are buying comics. So it’s not as bad as last time. It’s nowhere close. But... People overestimate how structured the industry is, and obviously the DC layoffs suggest that the people looking purely at the bottom line don’t understand and didn’t account for the unique levels of institutional knowledge required for the industry... Other media, you don’t hear about hand-selling as much. When have you ever seen a movie because the guy who owns the theater told you it was good?? Or because you saw the director standing over a flea market table looking like they were about to cry...? Like... I don’t know.

I do know for me, I want to start thinking about a next project, and I’ve been looking again at what the Big Hit Books have been these last couple years (I kind of avoided new stuff when I was working on my things) and... You know, part of what changed things in the early 00′s was there were new voices with a new style ready to come in. Now? Jesus, I don’t know. At first blush, everybody’s writing books nearly identically, and it’s just this massive level of bombast and confidence (good for them!) and huge splash pages and hyper-emotional narration and... it all just is this blockbuster schmear that’s very impressive but entirely skippable anyways. None of it’s as a bezerk or strange or just weirdly interesting to me as 10 seconds of a Metal Gear Solid video essay... it’s a lot of big splash pages of Thanos or Thanos-for-creator-owned-comics... But it all seems like halls of mirrors-- none of it seems very outward looking... You know, Kojima did halls of mirrors by the 4th game, too, but in Death Stranding, he had like Amazon deliverypeople, and you’d play the game and go “oh shit, this gig economy is making my formaldehyde-baby cry” and like... he had something besides the hall of mirrors to him. (And I mean, the 4th game is a criticism of the hall of mirrors, according to a video essay I saw, but...). Or you know, it’s like the thing that Rebuild of Evangelion 3 is criticizing, they’re doing unironically... I don’t know. It’s weird; the books are weird; I keep wanting to ask like “what should I be reading here” because I’m mostly ignorant besides a Hulk or a Long Con or Sink or ... I never saw the end of Seeds but I thought Seeds had something...

Sorry to ramble.

#Worst Hobby or Worstest Hobby?

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freshapplecider · 4 years

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hi Olivia! so glad you're back! how are you? i've only recently come across the concept of "twin flame", and I understand that it's totally different than a soulmate, but don't really know the differences exactly if you know what i mean. what do you think are the main differences? hope you're well! :)

Hellooooo sweet! I’m doing very well, thank you, I just needed to get away from social media for a long time and focus on myself, but it’s nice to be back for the time being!

I will be long-winded trying to explain this, but my understanding is practically identical to this spiritual teacher I follow on YouTube, whose channel is NewWorldAllstar if you’re interested in a better explanation (addressed in his videos “What are Twin Flames?” in parts 1, 2, and 3). He has kind of a know-it-all personality, but he knows what he’s talking about in terms of physics and actual universal law as it pertains to true spiritualism.

I’m putting this under a “read more” because it’s obscenely long!

SOULMATES

Soulmates are two entirely separate beings whose “connection” is attributed to similar soul vibration in terms of their physical makeup. I’m literally talking about atoms and shit here. Many also believe soulmates agreed to meet in this life to have a relationship or to teach/learn. I believe both aspects, personally.

Regardless of what you believe in terms of what “makes” someone a soulmate, these connections are like idealized romantic connections that you see in movies. When you meet, you just “click” and your connection is immediate. You feel like you’ve known this person forever, and you get along with no problem at all, any conflicts usually being resolved easily.

In these connections, there is often mutual “telepathy,” like you reach for your phone to text them, and they text you at that very moment. Or you’ll think of something you’d like to say to them, and they say it to you first. I’ve experienced this many times, and it’s wild each time it happens.

In contrast to twin connections, soulmate connections require no kind of spiritual ascension or “energy upkeep.” If you are someone who struggles with severely low self-esteem, for example, this will not repel a soulmate in the same way that it would repel a twin. While both may love you unconditionally, a soulmate is largely unaffected by your energy, so they are able to stick around though it all without feeling that energy themselves. Many soulmates feel they’ve found “the one” and they stay together. If not, a break-up doesn’t feel like the end of the world because it’s usually on good terms.

TWIN FLAMES

Twin souls, or twin flames, are different in that they are literally the same being. To understand how that works, you have to first understand that we are not only what we see here in the 3D; our soul operates both within and beyond us in the form of our “other self,” or our literal polar opposite. The YouTuber I mentioned at the top of this post even says that, regarding the Theory of Relativity and the universal law of polarization, everyone has a twin flame because in order to exist in this universe, the soul has to polarize. The “awakened” twin is the positive polarity of the soul while the “unawakened” twin is the negative polarity, but most people refer to twins as the “divine feminine” and “divine masculine” respectively, even though gender actually has nothing to do with it.

Meeting your twin flame triggers an inner knowing that you are connected to this person in some way that you can’t explain, you just KNOW them, and you are drawn to them without reason, even if you don’t know each other well. I’m not talking about obsession, either, you just feel them like an echo in you, and you can’t forget them. I don’t know how to explain it in other terms. This meeting is usually followed by blatant interest in each other, heavy flirting, or even dating if you manage to squeeze that into the short time period before ascension kicks in and separation occurs for the first time. I didn’t date my twin after I met him because we hardly got to know each other within the few weeks before my ascension symptoms started, triggering an intense ego death, and we “separated.”

Ascension can look different for everyone, but it’s usually very ugly and uncomfortable. Refer to my other ask about ascension if you’d like details about what that is and what it entails! At the onset of separation with my twin (the second time, since we did not “connect” in a significant way when we met), my complete ascension was triggered. I was having crying fits literally every single day for 4 months, and I am not someone who has EVER been affected by another person in that way, let alone after merely texting with someone sporadically over the span of one month. There is no pain like ascension, but you are changed as a person once you initially come out of it.

After ascending, detaching from an outcome with your twin during your time apart, and finding wholeness within yourself, your twin will come back into your life again. This time, it can be sustained, but it usually ends and begins a few more times before twins are able to maintain anything long-term.

This coming and going, usually called “running,” seems to be the hallmark of the twin flame connection, but this alone doesn’t define the connection, which is why people often mistake abusive/manipulative partners for twins. Twins would never intend to cause each other harm in any way, and it’s that unconditional love coupled with ascension that is truly central to the connection.

“Runner” twins usually don’t understand why they feel the need to run and often don’t want to separate from you, as my own twin has said to me; they simply feel that they need to go.It is strictly energetic, and balance is required. Twins do often stay together once they are able to do so, but it is also common not to since some may come to feel that it’s a fruitless labor or they simply find someone else, like a soulmate. But no matter the physical circumstances, there is never an absence of love and understanding.

In terms of other phenomena related to the connection, dream “visits” are very common, and I experience them very often to receive information that my twin wants to relay to me; this is made possible through access to our akashic records in dreams, or our life blueprint, if you will. Telepathy is also common with twins, but it can only flow from the positive polarity to the negative (like in a battery), not the other way around, which is why energetic balance and wholeness are paramount. Most importantly, being with your twin physically feels like complete and indescribable peace, like that “zen” you are meant to achieve through meditation (as the YouTuber I’ve mentioned puts it.) You might have heard many times that it’s not a “romantic” connection, and that’s the truth. It’s a contentment that asks nothing else of the moment, and it’s mutual. On the first night I spent with my twin, he wouldn’t stop saying, “This feels so right!” even though we were just lying there, talking and cuddling, and I’ve heard many stories of the same experience from most twins. Individual gifts will often crop up as well, like I started writing, and others may gain similar “psychic” insights.

This post is far too long, so I will end on that note! I hope this is informational, but if you are still interested, just go to the channel I linked and watch a few of his videos because he explains it better than I ever could.

#LONG POST #so sorry #anonymous #ask

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snugabugabunny · 3 years

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I started doing 30 days a little bit ago but I missed some days and then didn't finish because some stuff happened and also, I'm not a 24/7 regressor and I even go chunks of time without regressing and I only use my blog when I am regressed. Soooo I'm just going to answer a bunch of these in a kinda long post!

1. Yes, I sleep with many stuffies actually! I have so many and I put them around me often. I recently got a Mickey and I love his texture!

2. I don't have a cg. I have a lot of chronic health problems so I live at home with my bio mom (who knows I openly enjoy childlike things, but not specifically that I regress). Because I rarely go out, and rarely interact with others even online, I haven't ever had a caregiver. A few years ago a considered asking my (now ex)bf how he felt about it but when I sort of tested the waters about his thoughts on regressors it... didn't go well so I never brought it up again. Also my bio mom does help me with some things, but she does that because of my health issues and not because I'm smol.

3. Aquarium! I like the museum and the zoo a lot too, and also just going to the mall, or target! But the aquarium is my favorite and I miss it!!

4. I don't use a paci, for a few reasons but mostly I don't tend to regress that young. I do have chewelry though! I use that when I'm big also.

5. Blue! I also like red! And green! And sometimes purple!

6. Stuffies! I love blankies too and have a handful of baby blankets, mostly because I am Very sensitive to textures and hate certain ones, but I like a lot of baby ones. I have so many stuffies though. I've loved them all my life and I still buy new ones when I find ones I love.

7. Fall! But I do like spring for how sunny it is, even if I normally stay inside.

8. I like watching movies/YouTube/TV and sometimes playing games (switch, board games, in phone games). I used to really like to color but one of my health problems affects my hands and I usually can't color very much.

9. Coloring better than drawing! When big, I'm kind of an artist, and so it's still hard for that part of my brain to turn off when little. Coloring doesn't matter how it looks but I can be perfectionist about my drawings.

10. It changes! I love love love Little Mermaid! Also Aladdin! And Lion King! When Tangled came out I watched it every day for months. Same with Moana.

11. Donald! At least out of the main crew. I also love Mickey and Goofy. I've always loved Eeyore. And Sully. And Tigger!

12. Probably Ariel + Eric, I love both! I like Belle and Beast too.

13. Octonauts is a top fave. I watch a lot of YouTube and less TV shows though.

14. I really like Fred Jones from Scooby Doo

15. Yes, I have a dog! He's a big white husky and I call him "silly butt" so often he responds to that just as much as his actual name.

16. I've always really loved dragons so probably one of those!

17. Tigers or Sharks!

18. I have many. It depends on the day to which one I snuggle or bring with me around the house. Most of them are baby blankets, one is a star wars blankie, and some are Cloak brand blankets (they're so big and usually silky-soft)

19. Lavender is one of my favorite smells! I also have a pain relief blend with lavender, peppermint, wintergreen, and more that I love! I also just got some candles and oils from Magic Candle Company and their Jungle Cruise scent (I think it's call Jungle Boat) is one of my new favorite smells!

20. I think it was Spiderman! And iron fist! It was a few months ago during a better day

21. Crayons! Sometimes markers and colored pencils!

22. I'm an Aries! But my moon is cancer and rising is aquarius which are both water signs! Which makes me a weird Aries sometimes!

23. Disney stores!!! It's like a little piece of magic! I live pretty far from either park (though Disneyland is my park) and it's nice to visit something like that without having to have a lot of money and travel. But sadly the one that's near me closed as part of a lot of closures Disney did. Now the closest one is at least an hour drive away and I don't like that mall as much. Also I do like build a bear but they don't always have things I actually want, especially cuz each store has different critters. I got Nala the last time I was in a Disney store.

24. Fave games... Hm well I'm deeply attached to Kingdom Hearts (even if I haven't finished the 3rd game). I really love the Dark Pictures Anthology games! They are spooky and werid but I am sometimes a spooky baby.

25. I really love fruit! Applesauce and fruit leathers are easiest for me to get myself, but sometimes my mom will help me with a clementine or cutting up an apple. Sometimes I have pudding, or dry cereal.

26. Juice! All different kinds!

27. Chocolate!!! I had ding-dongs for breakfast the other day when I was regressed early.

28. Lots of stuff and weirdly at the same time very few things. I have some pretty bad social anxiety, and also generalized anxiety. And yet there aren't as many specific things I fear. I really don't like creepy crawlies (spiders and most bugs) but I can deal with them, and when I'm outside I just leave them alone! I'm usually very paranoid about sounds and stuff but that fades when I'm regressed.

29. I'm really bad at finding something "unique" to talk about! I don't feel like I have any random of cool skills. I am also limited by my chronic health conditions and so I don't have exciting or relatable things to talk about very much... How about... I am super nerdy! I have a bunch of fixations that cycle around and they are all like, TV shows or movies or books or genres or games. Ummmm also I just bought my second official Mermaid tailskin. I have a mermaid tail my friends and I made a long time ago, but last year I finally got a monofin and actual professionally made tail! And I just got another tail to go over the same monofin. I don't have anywhere to regularly swim near me :( but I still really wanted a more bright/colorful tail than my first one!

30. This is gonna come off as odd maybe but being in a lot of pain can put me in little space. My chronic pain can fluctuate and sometimes when it's really bad or multiple of my issues are bad at once I involuntarily regress. It helps me stress out less and deal with my pain in a more simple way. And that it's okay if I need to cry. And it helps me get distracted by simple stuff and stop focusing on my pain level.

Thanks for getting to know me if you read this stupid long post! Also thanks if you just liked it because there's a picture of mickey and my dog!

#agere #sfw agere #safe agere #30 days of age regression #30 days of little space #tw chronic pain #tw chronic illness #long post

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