amphinewt

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DnD party drawn in VR – A commission for @schnoodly.

3D model | twitter | instagram

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my condolences to anyone who slept with kyle

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I have been waiting all my life for this

listen im a gay man, i see fjord, i see orville peck, i make fjorville peck. you look at me and tell me this man is straight

✨ kofi link in bio if you’re feeling generous ✨

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I hate Freud. His whole weird theory about penis envy and children being sexually attracted to their parents and secret desires and all that shit actually came straight out of an attempt to ally himself with wealthy and influential rapists and was a direct form of victim blaming.

He had started the research looking into “hysteria” which at the time was really usually referring to women’s symptoms of PTSD. It turned out that the reason so many woman had these symptoms is because so many of them had experienced sexual violence– especially CSA and incest at the hands of their fathers. 

At first he was making real progress, and it was through working with these women that he discovered that talk therapy could be used to treat trauma. The symptoms of PTSD were lessened when women were able to safely speak about their experiences out loud and be believed. 

But it wasn’t the women who paid for the therapy. It was their fathers, husbands, the same men who were perpetuating the violence in the first place. And Freud didn’t want to validate his patients (the women) if it meant making his clients (the men) unhappy.

So he came up with a new idea. These symptoms weren’t from trauma. The memories weren’t real. These women were just sexual beings as children and had penis envy and it made them lust for their fathers and fantasize about the rape that they had reported to him. That’s where the shittiest parts of Freud’s theories emerged. Another part of it besides just the monetary aspect, though, was that there was a feminist movement on the fringes starting up at the time and by publishing work about women’s CSA he would be aligning himself with it and therefore losing support, respect, funding, prestige from his male peers and from the psychological community at large. He literally made that gross victim blaming shit up to keep his own reputation with these fucks and to make sure he still got publication and fame.

By coming up with fake theory about little girls fantasizing about incest he not only fucked over generations of women, the feminist movement that was arising, and the entire psychology field for years to come, but he also completely swept away any progress made in understanding trauma and so we didn’t have any clue why men coming back from war had “hysteria” like women during WWI.

And our research on PTSD and trauma is still lacking to this day, especially because of the stigma that maybe traumatized people deserved it or wanted it or imagined it. People don’t want to believe it’s real. Perpetrators of traumatic violence want everyone to forget about it, not acknowledge it, or trivialize it.

And they have Freud’s cultural legacy to help them.

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there is no heterosexual explanation for this.

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good morning to all the breasts, honkerz, bazongers, knockers, bongos, tatas, titties, tits, racks, papas, bosoms, bazookas, boobers, tatas majores, mammary glands, bazooms, baps, tig ol biddies, chesticles, bazoombas, cha chas, hunka hunkas, awooga boogas, badonkers, dobonhonkeros, hadonkadonkas, milkers, tetas and titty tity boing boings

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Orville Peck for Gay Times Magazine Autumn 2020 by Franz Szony

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crystal cowbxys

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All this “Fjorester came out of nowhere” nonsense has gotten me thinking about how, while it OBVIOUSLY didn’t come from nowhere and has in fact been building up to this for a while, there does seem to be a new sense of speed to it that wasn’t quite there before.

I think that, Travis and Laura being the amazing role players that they are, this is all based around a lot of little canon things that have been slowly but steadily adding up. So let me list a few:

Fjord going paladin: I think it’s fair to say that this class change has had a major impact on Fjord. First of all, Jester was his biggest supporter from day one and the kiln talk clearly motivated him to let go of Uk’otoa and risk everything to pick his own path. And ever since then, since that “check in [Fjord] needed” in his own words, he’s been far more open about who he truly is and what he wants and how much he loves his friends. This has, also, clearly translated in him being more open and vocal on how much he appreciates Jester. Like, remember Travis made a direct correlation to Fjord losing his powers momentarily to him realizing how much her constant support meant to him in comparison, something he had maybe taken for granted and suddenly realized was the rock he could lean on. By the time they were about to leave ti Traveler Con, he was already pushing forth tentatively with things like asking her in a casual date night at the chateau.

The build up to Traveler Con: we got to see Fjord increasingly worrying about Jester’s relationship with The Traveler. There was some jealousy in his reactions even before (“He’s not THAT handsome”) but there was also the fear that he would somehow harm Jester in the process. Add to that his confession to Beau thy for a while he worried that TC would mean the end of the M9 and you get a mindset where Fjord has clearly been pondering about the possibility of losing said constancy and support in a blink (wouldn’t be the first time for him to lose a home in a violent way).

Fjord died: sadly they haven’t talked much about it in canon but, like, Fjord literally died. And that puts things into perspective. I don’t think that his admitting to Jester he’s “actually enjoying” her physical search for the orb in his abs right after he died is a coincidence. I mean, if you could die at any given moment because you forgot to be ever vigilant at sea, that puts a lot of things into context and makes you bolder to take some risks and grasp life and happiness wherever you can.

Fjord’s death affected Jester too: I mean, it isn’t just the way he’s dealing with it but she also had to see him dead, she was present and anxious during the resurrection and visibly shaken through the whole thing, even as they pulled the orb out (which you could see she wanted to do herself before Cad stepped up). It puts things in perspective for her, too, how close she was to losing her closest and oldest friend aside from her god.

Jester has been going through a lot: and while that was definitely a deterrent for either of them to properly make an romantic advance, it was also the catalyst for him to be there for her, just like Jester was very vocally supportive of him during the pirate and the paladin arcs. These two, by their own definition since ep 3, look after each other. So she going through a rough spot with her god and confidence has definitely been a catalyst for Fjord to step up his game and offer the same steadiness he’s received on her end.

Fjord just found out he’s not the sole competitor: Beau really helped open Fjord’s eyes to the fact that Jester’s attractiveness and magnetism aren’t something exclusive to him. Others notice. Others see her like that. Of course they do. For the first time, maybe, Fjord’s insecurities are contrasted with the urgency of knowing his reluctance or lack of action could make him lose his chance with her. If he truly wants and hopes for more, he needs to get over his fear and take action.

Words have power: there’s just something about Fjord finally admitting his feelings out loud to Beau (as much as he danced around them) that makes them more tangible for him. You can see it during the hex thing and after, in Nicodranas and in Rexxentrum. It’s like, since he has admitted it to his friend, he can no longer lie to himself either. He has finally accepted there’s something there that, until now, was left unspoken.

Jester is heading to a better place: with Traveler Con left behind, she doesn’t have so much on her plate and with the pressure gone she is finally open to let others in, to be more vulnerable, to re-evaluate her relationships with herself and others and take stock of what (and who!) she wants. Jester telling her mother that by the end of TC she realized what is truly important to her, when we literally saw her hesitate between Artagan and Fjord and later said she was glad Fjord was hanging on to her, is a huge indicator of where her intentions might be heading.

So, to sum up. Fjord is in a better place, has been reassured that their relationship is a long term thing he can hold on to and has a growing sense of urgency with the realization that “life is short”. So, of course he’s being more vocal and present and forward in the affections he’s been harboring for a while. Meanwhile, Jester is too in a better (though not yet ideal) place, learning to open herself up to others that love her and reevaluating the importance of her relationships to both her oldest friend and her newer ones.

They are both in a place where moving forward feels exciting and necessary. There’s a sense of rush and excitement to them, as they finally take steps to figure this out. The past three weeks for them —leading to Rumblecusp (with Fjord’s dead), building up to Traveler Con (with Jester’s vulnerability) and the mess of the final event (both of them faced with some of their worst fears)— have been intense and brining with raw emotion. Of course it feels like everything is moving fast. It is. That’s the point. So are they, and that’s the beauty of it.

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Turn me inside out and Scrub me gently in a bucket with warm, diluted water based soap.

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the noise she makes.....

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sonc

Do not patronize me.

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this is actually insane men are unwell