apolloforgetting

[apolloforgetting]

i’m having a hard time sleeping under electric light when i spent a week in perfect darkness my best friend against my side

the moon was so bright i cast a shadow but in the shelter of our cabin too small for two the darkness was pure

the kind you can’t find in the city the kind that is terrifying if you aren’t accustomed

but i grew up in that darkness and it’s there that i am most at home there that i am cradled to sleep no light to keep me up

#original #poetry

[apolloforgetting]

being alive is hard right now We’re getting older now I know I know it’s hard to breath down here but Damn I was raised by wolves and I know how to howl

It takes full lungs and babe you’re the full moon

It’s gonna be okay cause we made a pact we got a pack You and me against the world against the cold nights and the long days against everything but always always for ourselves

#original #poetry #sort of #old #i think i wrote this when i was drunk?

[apolloforgetting]

go tell the bees knock on their hives and let them know

go tell the bees autumn is here and It’s time to go

#original #poetry

[apolloforgetting]

when i’m drunk i’m a poet

a writer and a lover

i think about love life and death

and i think under all of this

if he died

maybe i’d finally start believing in god

#original #poetry #old #oh god this is terrible #but there's something in the end

[apolloforgetting]

i don’t know what i look like and i don’t know if that’s normal or maybe i do and i just want to forget

i want to forget myself i want to hurt myself i want to tell my therapist that’s why i started this list

i want to sew together my lips

i go round and round in my head disassociating being afraid not seeing myself is it because i thought it into existence does it even matter

#original #poetry #old #unfinished

[apolloforgetting]

was the news always this bad or is this just what growing up feels like?

if so, let me be a kid again or better yet just another statistic in the articles let me drop dead so i can stop reading

then again those two things childhood and death are no longer mutually exclusive

#original #poetry #old #tw #death

[apolloforgetting]

i’m 26 and i spend a summer saying goodnight to my best friend

at lights out we giggle like we’re young talk too late whispering like we aren’t allowed

like the adults will come tell us to sleep as if we aren’t the adults

#original #poetry #old

[apolloforgetting]

it’s your dead sisters birthday the one who died before i was born the one who i look like the one i remind you of

and it’s my anniversary with the love of my life fated from the day we met years before we knew each other

just like Leigth and the way i will always know her in the way that i do not her soul lives with me

the way i am eternal

#original #poetry #old #unfinished

[apolloforgetting]

i was born into the internet age all dial up and binary everything shiny and new but i was raised in the mountains growing up under treetops harvesting fiddleheads for dinner my school was the woods i was taught what was edible what could heal or hurt there’s still a notch in my finger where a bowstring fits perfectly a reminder that i’ll never go hungry  but where do i fit barefoot and dirty in the information age here where everything is instant access clean and untouchable but the click of a keyboard under my dirty nails sounds so far from the crickets outside my window

#original #poetry #old #unfinished #early 2022

[apolloforgetting]

memory is such a fickle bitch it’s late 2021 9pm  then it’s 10pm 10:30 then it’s 2014 again he’s in his bedroom the way i remember him in his wooden chair with the red cushion teenage heartbreak at it again i ask him if he’ll drive me far from home i don’t tell him why still he agrees i’m surprised but i don’t have time to remember that until it’s 2021 and that’s what stuck that’s the way i chose to encapsulate him memory is so funny  i wonder what it means that that’s how i chose to remember him

#original #poetry #old #unfinished #late 2021

[apolloforgetting]

i’ve been daydreaming about this moment for a decade and i froze all the things i planned to say gone as soon as i saw you i thought about calling out but it caught in my throat when did your name become foreign in my mouth when i can still feel your hand in mine your jacket on my shoulders  your scent on my clothes and my old name on your lips

#original #poetry #old #unfinished #summer 2021

[apolloforgetting]

i want a friend group  that kisses to say hello  i want us to touch each other  and it’s always casual  a hand on a hip  lingering too long  i want strangers to look at us  and wonder how long we’ve been together  i want a friend group  that has sex to say i love you  but in the best friend way the platonic  i love you like i’d kill someone for you  i love you like a piece of myself  i love you  in the only way i know how  with this burning body  i want a friend group  in a tactile  and desperate way  i’m just making up for lost time  years of having lovers  of having best friends  and never touching them  not once  not in any way  not until it was too late  until they were gone  until i left them  until they left me until they left this earth dead and gone i’m making up for lost love  and i don’t care about  your arbitrary rules  i want to touch  i want to feel i want to breathe my love  into your mouth 

#original #poetry

[apolloforgetting]

i don’t think about you every day anymore the song we sung at your service doesn’t get stuck in my head as often so it’s funny how in the early morning hours of the anniversary of your death exactly one decade ago i overhear someone speaking about saint jude patron saint of lost causes and the song comes back to me and i close my eyes and hum it to myself and you are not lost to me

#original #poetry #death #cw

[apolloforgetting]

soft boy with the black belt calls to me like a home every time someone calls me sensitive i think of him but still i raise my fists like him i fight like him but dirtier scrappier because here there are no  wooden blocks no training mats no mantras just my own bloodied lips bruised knuckles and his ghost at my back whistling an old tune in my ear

#original #poetry #death #cw

[apolloforgetting]

it’s been a decade today since you died and i still hate riding shotgun still live in a city where the snow never sticks twins look like heartbreak and brown eyes feel treacherous a decade gone and it’s finally setting in that i’m growing up and you’re not

#original #poetry #death #cw #i miss you

[apolloforgetting]

autumn sends me back in time the reek of dead things in the air

age 6 walking up my driveway lighting the luminaries crunching leaves under my little feet i do not yet know nostalgia

age 12 my first best friend a wand and a wig was all I needed when everything was simple and we still belonged to each other

age 17 abandoned houses next to the airport his hand takes mine and for the first time i am safe

age 21 red wrapped around my waist we play at ghosts too old for make believe we dress as dead things instead

autumn the time for death and nostalgia makes me so sad i often think i could lay down with the decaying leaves and die there.

#original #poetry #autumn #nostalgia

[apolloforgetting]

it should be my birthday the high heat of summer when i’m always far from home and the knowledge   of fireworks in france

but it’s halloween that does it costumes and make believe that chill up my spine the air that reeks of dead things that brings it all back

those dead boys our dead lives dead not gone

#original #poetry #halloween #unfinished