bathtimejebshler

[bathtimejebshler]

[bathtimejebshler]

UPDATE: so it did! And I am very upset :)

So anyway my college is probably going to close because of the c*ronav*rus so what's up with yall

#im happy to be home cuz i missed all my friends that are here #but i cant go back to living how i did before college #i cant go back to using the wrong name and pronouns #i cant live with my father #i cant be stuck in this much clutter 24/7 #i cant be away from the people who know me as well as the people on campus do #im actually able to ve myself on campus #im sick of hiding everythkng from my family in order tl not be kicked out #i keel crying about it #like i feel dumb for crying and i feel bad because i do love and miss my friends here #but its about so much more than that #i hace a different life back on campus that im able to live freely without the limitations my parents and preconceptions have placed on me #i just #im finally happy #for the first time in my life #and its being taken away from me #anyway #im fine #i promise #personal

[bathtimejebshler]

So anyway my college is probably going to close because of the c*ronav*rus so what's up with yall

#i wont know for sure til Thursday but like #its probably gonna happen #this feels surreal #mal: *disappears for months at a time only to reappear with news of plague and danger* #personal

[bathtimejebshler]

there's nothing like listening to slowtown and going through the five stages of grief in the span of five minutes

[bathtimejebshler]

It really is one of those sleepless nights huh

#:/ #is it because im overthinking everything today? #is it because i had caffeine this morning for the first time in awhile? #is it because im excited for tomorrow? #is it because ive had to pee twice in the last hour? #its probably #all of those #me: tries to sleep cuz its midnight and i have to wake up at 6:30 #my brain: ohoho would you care for some self-doubt? #what about a large portion of overanalyzing your recent thought patterns #and newly developed behaviors? #we also have a side of the lingering fear that you dont truly know yourself #more than the context of youre trying to discover your passions in life #but that you truly dont know what traits define your personality #because you change yourself so flippantly depending on who youre around #and what traits best merge with theirs #so you have no idea who you really organically are #and even worse youre afraid that the traits youve always been sure #are definitely parts of your personality - #- youre loyal n kind n analytical n dumb sure but thats ok because you mean well - #arent actually how you are but how youve tricked to yourself into believing you are #when really youre selfish and mean and rude and hypocritical and bitchy and a dick #it's #a time #personal

[bathtimejebshler]

#genuinely can't tell if this is a photo or someone's art #rubber duck

[bathtimejebshler]

brush yer teeth, joshua

#he stinkey #ethereal sun

[bathtimejebshler]

The eternal struggle is: am I actually not qualified for this or do I just believe I'm not because I think so lowly of myself

#personal #feel free to ignore

[bathtimejebshler]

these two 🥺

#he looks dead and also 50 years old #jyler

[bathtimejebshler]

tyler joseph circa 2011

[bathtimejebshler]

tear in my heart//twenty one pilots

[bathtimejebshler]

I have a really bad ear infection in my left ear and my brain is dissociating the left half of my body ONLY and this is uhhhh a wild experience I never thought I'd live through

#dissociation is wild #i have chronic pain due to my skeletal disorder #so im used to pain-related dissociation #but its usually full body #this is just left side #and its #boy howdy #personal

[bathtimejebshler]

Soooo are we ever gonna talk about how tyler made his fictional mind battlefield a theocracy or am I just gonna have to do it myself

#:/ #dema

[bathtimejebshler]

#josh #specifically trench era

[bathtimejebshler]

#tyler #literally tyler

[bathtimejebshler]

#Tyler

[bathtimejebshler]

happy birthday to vessel (january 8, 2013)

#damn she's 7 years old #fuck #birthdays