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Things that Tim Drake did while Sleep Deprived:
Cradled Titus’s snout in his hands and whispered whilst sobbing, “You are so important. You are the backbone of this family.”
Was found crouched like a gargoyle on the kitchen counter at 4 am scooping Nutella out of the jar with his bare fingers.
He was muttering unintelligibly under his breath through mouthfuls of the stuff.
Stephanie, who got up for an innocent early-morning snack, was found nearby, huddled in the corner and brandishing a spatula.
“Steph–?”
“I’ll hold him off. Run while you still can.”
Rested his forehead on the counter, sobbing about how Alfred is his ‘rock’.
“Is he talking about the man or the cat?”
“I mean, either way…”
Accidentally donned Batgirl’s costume for patrol.
No one said anything.
The GCPD didn’t even notice.
But he totally made those boots work.
Poured three bottles of Five-Hour Energy into his coffee and toasted everyone as he deadpanned, “I hope this kills me.”
Slipped into a mini-coma after the fact.
Leaned down to comfort the thugs he and his siblings had just beaten up with a soft ‘it be like that sometimes’.
Impulsively bought out the entire stock of Hostess snack cakes from a local grocery store.
Proceeded to place all of them
All of them
In various kitchen appliances because he couldn’t be bothered to stick them in the pantry.
Jason had to dump sixteen individually-wrapped Ding-Dongs out of the blender before he could make his morning protein shake.
And when Alfred opened the oven the next morning to make a quiche……
Went missing for twenty-one hours straight.
Bruce found him in the chimney.
He’d found a secret entrance to the attic. It’s his go-to hiding place now, and no one else dares to go near it. Unless they need an emergency snack.
Who even knows how many Twinkies are stashed up there.
Called Bart to tearfully apologize for eating all his pizza rolls.
Three years ago.
“That was yOU!?”
Accidentally shot his grappling line through a twelfth-story window.
It took out a potted plant, a laptop computer, and an employee’s toupee.
Looked at the window. Looked at the grapple gun.
Softly whispered, “Oops.”
Built a blanket fort in the Cave.
Stole all of Dick’s fluffiest fleece blankets. And all of Steph’s pillows. He even took Jason’s teddy bear.
“W-What? Pssh, no, I’ve never seen that thing before in my life!”
“Oh. Well, in that case, we’ll let Titus–”
“Hand me the bear before I rip out your spleen.”
Caused an international incident by ‘accidentally’ breaking into the Biyalian Embassy.
He thought it was the Cave.
“Tim, I don’t even want to know.”
“Y’know, cause it’s all dark and smells like years of unaddressed inner turmoil–”
“Hilarious. Dick, come get your brother, I need to make a few calls.”
Poured ketchup on his waffles.
Proceeded to devour them while Steph looked on in abject horror.
Showed up at Red Robin (the restaurant) to ask for a free burger.
Threatened to sue for copyright infringement when he was denied.
Escorted from the premises by three Even More Tired employees.
And Cass.
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“What? Oh, no. Not you, Bernard. No, I was just yelling at my…mother’s urn…”
(Click for Better Quality)
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any headcanons about jason and the lazarus pit?
Jason is a trans guy and the pit healed his dysphoria by giving him an instant transition
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I’m sick of debating who gets to become Batman after Bruce ok. Why can’t Batman just be four robins stacked in a trench coat
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Cass and Steph: *sneaking around the Manor trying to find the holiday gifts before they're wrapped*
Cass [walking into the garage]: *gasps*
Cass: Steph! Found Tim's!
Steph [over her walkie-talkie]: OooOOh! Me too! Poor boy's gonna get a LOT of socks this year...But what'd you find?
Cass [excited]: It's a bisexual!
Steph:
Steph: *inhales*
Steph: Can you...describe them, Cass?
Cass: *crouches*
Cass: Wheels. Bell. Green.
Steph: I--
Steph: *trying not to laugh*
Steph: I mean, cool. Cool. But did you mean bicy--
Someone on the other end, muffled: Steph, why are you in my laundry hamper?
Steph: Oh, hey! Cass, guess what *I* just found?
Cass: ?
Steph [voice shaking like she's trying to hold herself together]: Tim.
Tim [over the walkie-talkie]: What are you guys doing? It's literally 10am, everybody's asleep.
Steph: Except you, obvees.
Cass: Hi Tim!
Cass: I found your bisexual!
Tim:
Steph: *holding her breath so she doesn't lose her composure*
Tim:
Tim:
Tim [hushed and frantic]: Listen, you CAN'T tell Bruce about Bernard, okay? He's already so weird about dating civvies and I still haven't--
Cass: You named it?
Steph: *finally breaks*
Steph: HAAAHAHAAA!
#batfam#dc#batfamily#batsibs#batgirls#cassandra cain#stephanie brown#tim drake#in this universe bruce knows tim's bi but he doesn't know the boy has game#still up for debate tbh#timber#merry holidays#love y'all <3
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battle for the cowl would be so much funnier if none of them wanted to be batman and they were throwing the cowl around like it was the cheese touch
#batfam#batman#robins#HA#it would literally be like#dick: 'oh i just remembered--you were bruce's favorite'#jason: 'YOU were the favorite--and tim is better for it'#tim: 'Im just a chronically tired and clinically depressed teen dont give me a cowl or I swear to god I'll give ra's al ghul my spleen'#damian: 'I'm ten so....'
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Nobody:
Tim:
I like to think that Tim has unnerving eyes. People joke that he doesn’t blink because he is always looking very intently at everything around him. If you meet him, you’ll feel like he is staring straight into your soul with the way he just takes in your entire being with a look up and down. It’s a good thing that they wear masks at night because he has very recognizable eyes. There are gothamite memes about Tim Drake Wayne either being able to see your future and tell you your death date just by looking at you, or about there being nothing behind those eyes.
He knows about them and purposefully doesn’t debunk them. He fuels them by barely blinking the next time he attends an event. it’s very funny
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Barbara: All these women out here saying they want equal pay, equal rights, equal opportunities, blah, blah, blah--
Barbara: And yet none of them are stepping up to commit 50% of phishing scams.
Barbara: None of them are stepping up to commit 50% of the cyber attacks against the Russian government.
Barbara: None of them are stepping up to commit 50% of Twitter account fraud, calling big corporations out on their greedy bullshit economics.
Barbara: It's literally just. Me.
Dick: *Just trying to enjoy his evening coffee in peace*
#batfam#dc#birds of prey#barbara gordon#oracle#batgirl#dick grayson#nightwing#robin#dickbabs#just a hint#as a treat
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#myart#batfam#batgirls#dc#stephanie brown#spoiler#batgirl#robin#stretch marks#cause girl had a whole-ass baby#did i have lavender haze on repeat the whole time i was drawing?#perchance
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Had to make this after seeing @codenamed-queenie s post, hope y’all like it!!!
The post :
#I literally love everything about this#bruces guilty face#the single tear#damian being absolutely straight faced#'still damian'#can i thank you somehow?#cause like#i laughed so hard#and i think you deserve compensation
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You are absolutely correct.
Batman: Jason, do you think I’m a bad father?
Robin:
Robin: I’m Tim.
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dick “would you still love me if i was a worm” grayson
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Batman: Jason, do you think I'm a bad father?
Robin:
Robin: I'm Tim.
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Damian: Well, I suppose it's because I have an impressive body count.
Dick: *spits his drink out*
Jason: *drops his phone*
Tim: *head whipping around 180 degrees*
Dick: ...Oh.
Dick: Well. If you ever wanna talk about it, I'm...I'm here?
Dick [covering his ears with his hands]: Actually, I take that back. I'm not. Don't tell me. Don't even say that ever again. You shouldn't know what that means, you're literally a BABY, WHY DO YOU--
Jason: *wheezing*
Tim [doesn't know which meaning of the phrase is worse]: I...how many was it, Damian?
Damian: I've lost count?
Jason [throwing his head back]: HA!
Dick: *visibly upset*
Tim:
Tim: *sucks teeth*
Tim [turns back to his tablet]: Well, then.
Steph [walking in]: Gooood afternoon, mofos.
Steph: Why's Dick crying?
Damian: I was trying to explain that I could handle the Las Vegas mission on my own by virtue of my substantial body count.
Steph:
Steph [starting into the five stages of grief]:
Steph: Your substantial what.
Jason: *dying for the second time*
Damian: What in the world are you all going on about?
Dick: *lowers his hands*
Tim: *is confused*
Jason: *still laughing into his elbow*
Steph: Uh-huh. I really need you to explain yourself right now, bucko.
Damian: Oh, you too, Brown?
Damian: For your information, I can actually hold my own--
Jason [wheezing]: PLEASE--
Damian: --in the video game tournament in Las Vegas that I will be infiltrating this weekend. Actually, I have beaten Gordon on Call of Duty at long last, so that means I am actually OVERqualified for the mission.
Jason: *still cackling*
Tim: Well, congrats. But for YOUR information, body count has another meaning other than a shooting game. So maybe next time you announce that--
Damian: I know what it means, Drake.
Damian: I have another body count other than my top score.
Dick:
Damian: Because I've killed many people.
Steph:
Tim:
Jason:
Dick [throws his head back]: Oh thank GOD--
#batfam#batfamily#dc#batbros#batkids#dick grayson#nightwing#jason todd#red hood#tim drake#red robin#stephanie brown#spoiler#batgirl#damian wayne#robin
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Flight Attendant: Is there a doctor on board?
Alfred: *nudges Bruce* That should have been you.
Bruce: Not now, Alfred.
Alfred: They aren't asking a maniac who dresses up as a flying mammal every night for help, are they?
Bruce: This is a medical emergency.
Alfred: Why don't you throw a batarang at him, sir? See if that helps.
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Stephanie Brown has stretch marks.
#i can't believe i forgot that#please hold#while i get to sketching#stephanie brown#batgirl#spoiler#robin
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“Do any of you Gen-Z kids understand the concept ‘Stranger Danger’ at all?”
“Oh yeah, we do. We just don’t care.”
(Click for Better Quality)
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