decembershades

[decembershades]

Is it just me or is anybody starting to feel like uhhh. maybe it wont pass

[decembershades]

I'm so much more sensitive than I thought

#why am i like this

[decembershades]

sometimes when people ask me about my day I just want to say I spent it mapping escape routes to each of my friendships but most of the time I say it was okay thanks

[decembershades]

No matter what we do, one day, one day I'll be just someone you lost

[decembershades]

There's so much I want to say to you. But if there's no time, I'll tell you with bated breaths and a beating heart the intensity of my yearning for you

[decembershades]

My world is made up of unspoken whispers and phantom smiles. Between the mourning of the setting sun and the new moon; it turns into a nothingness that is absolved by falling tears, fading stars, and broken promises. Where do we slip between the cracks of time as yesterday's memories fail to bring happiness to our already passing tomorrows? We stayed weighed down by all that has come to pass as sand fills our trodden shoes and we can no longer move.

A journey taken by a lost individual into a labyrinth of nothingness and cold is the only way to keep afloat a desire to go on, slowly, every day. We are who we are with what has come before us. The choices made have built us and torn apart all that we've desired. Forgiveness is a price we can no longer pay. While streams of undying consciousness surrounds our very being, we are still awash in the uncertainties of who we were before the fall. While tortured dreams die, we are left to wonder why we must go on.

What our purpose here is, I no longer know, nor care. I'll continue with my melancholic heart beats and pray that when it comes to my time, I'll be ready to forgive my loneliness and lies. Promises are empty forms of holding on, but I'm losing my grip on these lines.

-H. Murcia 10:41 AM 4/11/2022

[decembershades]

trying to find a metaphor for this headache but really it just fucking hurts rip

#forgot how much i love how no one here knows who i am #or cares #if u see this i hope ur having a nice day

[decembershades]

it’s a competition you see, a hell of a race

the whole goddamn universe is betting on which it will break first;

my spirit, or my heart

#twcpoetry #this has been the worst day of this year #im so tired

[decembershades]

“I will not stay, not ever again - in a room or conversation or relationship or institution that requires me to abandon myself. When my body tells me the truth, I believe it.”

— Glennon Doyle, Untamed

[decembershades]

spring is just like *wildly oscillates between feeling a gut-wrenching melancholy and happily basking in the sun like a cat*

[decembershades]

I don’t want to keep waking up this way

[decembershades]

things you said when you thought I was asleep (in no particular order)

fuck the light at the end of the tunnel okay, you’re brighter than it’ll ever be // get yourself a good lover, will you? // I always run to the edges of my promises but every cliff roars your ache and that is the only reason I keep them // wow, you really do fall asleep at 10pm // god, can’t we just skip to this ‘someday’ you always speak of // I’m sorry today was hard // I didn’t mind the storms, I don’t understand why you stopped letting me see them // how many more forevers do you have in you? // I sleep better when you’re the last person I talk to // one day I’ll say all these out loud

perhaps tomorrow

[decembershades]

The days just come, quietly, with no prior notice. When my lungs become a foreign engine, my heart a question I have no answer to

I’ve never been one to cause envy but these days, I swear, I could make gravity jealous with the way grief holds me. Put the ocean to shame with how much of me I manage to conceal; laughters for ripples— so they don’t see the aftershock of a half-erupted anguish

Under me is just more of me and, truly, I understand her no better

#twcprose #twcpoetry #poets on tumblr

[decembershades]

Sometimes I wish pain was a person, only so I could knock some sense into her lungs and ask her: what is it are you trying to prove?

[decembershades]

I know what we're doing — I know we're standing in flames for and despite a love that burns our palms and this will hurt far longer than you'll ever get to hold me but I guess we'll grow from it until we can’t anymore and I promise I'll hold you until you realise there are other things worth wishing for

If it weren’t for you, I would have drowned the sunrise instead of waiting for it to set on me

(what is the word for I love you, but it's too soon to say it?)

#twcprose #twcpoetry #inkstay #prose poetry #slam poetry

[decembershades]

“I think about the tulips blooming, the sun sinking into a lavender yellow dream and I thank every stalk of grass that I’m here in this place, in this soft moment… without you. I think of the way the breeze sweeps through me, stealing my breath to be of something greater and I have to repeat it but I’m so glad you are no longer here. Not in a vindictive way or with any form of hatred, I’m just simply glad you are not here. And in this simplicity, I realised I must have let go a very long time ago.”

— your front door aglow with golden light, splintering and casting shards of light across wooden floor boards. the taste of crushed mint in your iced lychee tea, a well worn sweater // archaic remains 64 

[decembershades]

Eliza Malkhasyan Silhouettes