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A blogger in gaza, Amal alhenawi, shared a story yesterday explaining how the past few days have been. Of course there are no words to describe exactly how it is to live under constant bombardment.

She said that she misses sleeping alone in her room, instead of having to share a room with other 10 people. She said she feels guilty when she secretly admits she's terrified of death and that she wants to live. No internet, no food, sometimes when they get lucky each member of her family gets one loaf of bread for the day, other days there might not be anything to eat. She mentioned how everybody celebrated when her brother came back with water, but it tasted weird, turns out it was undrinkable but it was the only solution they had.

What horrified me the most, is when she talked about their neighbors building getting bombed by israeli air strikes. And how paramedics as well as civilian defense came to the scene only to leave minutes later. In their own words: "this building is four floors. We have no equipment to dig through or get anyone out." So they had to leave. People from the neighborhood started digging with their own hands, they could hear some people alive underneath, but no one could get out.

Amal talks about her two cousins who visited her and they're little kids who don't talk anymore. She said they saw their friend and neighbor dead, with his head sperated from his body, the trauma was too severe for them to process.

Amal wants to live. She came to gaza to celebrate her brother's wedding. Who was planning on leaving for his honeymoon before the genocide started.

Each person of gaza has a story, a life worth living. So we must end this genocide. Do everything you can, do not stop and do not get used to it. Annihilating an entire city is not normal and should never be.

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i woke up unfocused, angry, anxious--so anxious that i could feel the anxiety under my skin like a live electricity wire.

i hate waking up feeling like this, but i'm trying not to dwell on it. i've washed my face and braided my hair, and signed up to a freelance platform. if i can make just 5 bucks today i will consider it a success.

i'm so tired of being overworked and underpaid and stressed out all the time. i should try to change my niche or at least learn a second language or something so i can improve my cv somewhat.

what really irks me is that i have no control over my own time. i have so many chores and my family constantly interrupts me (i don't blame them because they need my help) but.. it's just too much. it had been months and i have yet to be able to concentrate enough to finish a course or apply to jobs, and i hate myself for losing focus.

#my STEM degree is getting me nowhere and it's heartbreaking #diary #depression #studyblr #freelancing #if u know any good freelancing platforms pls tell me #working while depressed

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All I wanna do with my life is to stay in my bed and drink coffee while listening to cnblue music 🌱🐈🌷☕️

ig: ultbluee

#this is such an uplifting photoset #im going to open the curtains wide and eat a fruit when the sun rises #healing #morning #all nighter #survival

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another sleepless night | 3:15AM

i was getting really sick of my social media presence so i decided to delete/revamp all my old profiles. i gave the task an estimate of 2 hours--it took a whole day and i'm not even done yet. it's crazy how little privacy you can keep nowadays and i'm angry at the websites that let me join as an innocent kid with my real name and age and all my information. that stuff is going to be out there forever and the thought of that is so distressing to me. i can't sleep without obsessively trying to remove my info and at least trying to do some damage control.

so here we are. a really pointless all nighter but i can't sleep. i need to learn to get a better handle on my anxiety.

tonight's a lost cause though so i am just going to go on and do my best to wipe off the past.

#dont give your info to the internet kids #or anyone really #i hate hate hate hate the fact that i cant get rid of so many profiles #my info has already been sold #i feel violated tbh #diary #mine

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today i will work very hard at not thinking of all that worries me, i will avoid conflict with my family, avoid stressful situations and i will try as much as i can to get some real work done so the quarantine doesn't stress me out any more than it already has. some days are for thinking deeply and trying to get to the root of the wounds in the soul and some days are for getting up and getting through. both kinds are authentic and both are valuable to the person i will become tomorrow, next week, next month.

#reflection #healing #diary #dealing with my family is hard difficult IMPOSSIBLE #they make me so angry god im pretty sure i have a high blood pressure 90 percent of the time #so fucking angry

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plans for today:

reflection

reconnection with friends

clean up the files on my laptop

back up my files

continue applying to jobs

search for freelancing jobs

#adhd #adhd accountability #to do list #job hunting #quarantine blues #quarantine blogging #diary

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~*♡to-do list for the nocturnally-challenged♡*~

so in light of my sleep schedule being fucked and my anxiety being through the roof, i have concluded that the stress i'm going to go through in trying to put myself to sleep early is going to outweigh any miserable sleep i will actually get.

so for this one night (i don't advocate for perpetually-fucked sleeping patterns, no matter how sexy they are) i'm going to be pulling an all-nighter.

goals:

drink a lot of water to reduce the exhaustion i'll feel tomorrow

clean the kitchen throughly and as quietly as possible (i miss living alone)

meal prep for tomorrow

create a list for the items i'll be taking to the hospital trip later this week

prep an outfit for tomorrow

sort my files

sort my cover letters

send needed emails

backup my files and courses

activate my temporary debit card

resist the late-night urge to reconnect with the shitty people i cut off

resist the overwhelming guilt i am feeling for not having a perfect sleep schedule. i am trying to make my life better but it cannot happen all in one go.

01:30AM. let's see how this goes !!

#im in the strangest moods tonight #diary #to do list #come kick my butt

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the covid-19 news, having to care for actual vulnerable people, being worried all the time, the constant cleaning, sanitizing, wiping, being locked-in and just the whole feeling of the world fucking ending.. it hasn't been easy for my mental health.

any other time i might have been able to see something else in it or at the other end of it but right now, under my specific circumstances, i just wanna die. i feel like my life is not going to be able to get anywhere. i don't want to even write down all the reasons that make me feel this way but i'm so idonthavethewordforit.

on one hand i'm glad i have already graduated and i'm not faced with the nightmare of being broke and kicked out of university accommodation in a foreign country, with a no-fly zone applied... but on the other hand watching the entire world come to a halt while i was just about becoming able to function, when i had jumped through so many fucking hoops to be able to make anything of my life and to beat the feeling that i was eons behind people my age, when i just started to volunteer and freelance and go out and my job search was getting somewhere..

it just all went up in smoke. it took two weeks for my life to come apart again. i just don't feel like i can handle being locked in. i'm going to go batshit

i know this post is really fucking selfish but i just want to cry about how things have lined up like.. i can't get anywhere or do anything. i just want to be able to be normal for one fucking week please please please

#diary #coronavirus #covid19 #covidー19

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no matter how hopeless you feel, how tired you are, how unmotivated you are, and how overwhelmed you are, keep fighting. it’s okay if you don’t have everything figured out. no one does. but know that sometimes you gotta step out of your comfort zone to do great things. please be patient with yourself. remember to nurture your dreams, even if at times, they don’t feel possible. always keep in mind that slow progress is still progress.

#motivation #you deserve better #glow up #self care

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about two days ago i had a rare burst of motivation and i decided to make the most of it but somehow i think i hyperfocused cause it is now two days later and i haven't eaten nor slept properly (i did shower obsessively tho).

the good news is that my to-do list with its months-old stale and putrid tasks is now all but clean

the bad news is that i am running on fumes and i have an interview i need to prepare for in a few hours so YIKES

#hyperfocus #adhd #studyblr #job hunt #job search #adulting #mine #diary

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a new concept: idiot academia

where u have book smarts but have absolutely no common sense

#concepts #academia

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job hunting gothic

The job posting looks like a great fit. You have the skills listed, and the responsibilities are relevant to what you would like to do. The requirements section asks for a PhD in a seemingly unrelated field. It pays minimum wage.

You upload your résumé to the website. An error message appears, informing you that only the following file types are supported: .rtf, .doc, .docx and .pdf. Your file is one of the document types. You try the upload again. An error message appears, informing you that files must be under 50KB. You reduce the file size. The first error message appears again. 

Your résumé file is finally accepted to the website. You continue to the next page, where you are cheerfully requested to manually enter all of your work and education experience. If you are lucky, a machine has helpfully used the résumé file you uploaded to autofill all fields for you. They are all wrong.

You send in fifty job applications in less than a month. You wait patiently for replies. When none come, you look for contact information to follow up with them. There is no information available. You wonder if the job ever existed in the first place.

You receive an email from someone who saw your profile on a jobsite and wants to offer you a job stuffing envelopes. You have a master’s degree.

Two months in, you have not received any viable offers. You start thinking about stuffing envelopes for a living.

You are finally contacted by someone: they want to interview you. You do the interview. A second. A third. A fourth. You start to wonder how many levels this process goes through. They give you nothing but positive feedback. You keep doing interviews.

#job hunting #employment gothic #job hunting gothic

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20 Common Interview Questions, What They Really Mean, and How to Smartly Answer Them

This is a sheet given to me by my college’s business department and I thought it was helpful so I’ve typed it up fr you guys. All credits to my college business department.

1. Tell me about yourself. What it means: What are your career goals for the next 1-3 years/5-10 years?

This question might come in different forms, but it is the most often asked question in interviews, especially at the start.  Have a short statement prepared that describes a little about your past, a lot about your present, and a little about your future that essentially answers the question, “Why are we sitting across from each other and talking today?” Be careful that it does not sound rehearsed and be sure you sound excited about the opportunity and fully engaged.  Limit your answer to relevance with the interview. Talk about things you have done that relate to the position you are interviewing for and show strategy in your thinking that led you to this interview.  Start with the item farthest back, work up to the present and touch on the future. Let the recruiter know how this position ties into the career map you have planned. Set the footing to shift from a mundane interview into impactful dialogue.

2. How did you choose this line of work? 

They are looking for people who are strategic and apply critical thinking to decisions. Have a good answer ready, showing passion for the field.

3. Why did you leave your last job? or Why do you want to leave your job? or What did you enjoy/not enjoy about your last job? 

Stay positive regardless of the circumstances.  Don’t refer to a major problem with management and never speak ill of supervisors, co-workers or the company.  If you do, you will be sullied.  Keep smiling and talk about leaving for a hopeful, forward-looking reason (i.e. chance to make an impact, use skills, etc.).

4. What experience do you have in this field? or Why should we hire you? or Give me an example from your experience or education that shows your readiness for this role. 

Speak about specifics that relate to the position for which you are applying.  If you do not have specific experience, get as close as you can (aka make it up). It is critical that you prepare by unpacking your brain, and know how to tie your experiences/skills to the position description. Give them your best pitch and smile!

5. What do co-workers/former employers say about you? 

Be prepared with a quote or two.  Either a specific statement or a paraphrase will work.  “Jamal Clark, a colleague at Smith Company, always said I was the hardest worker he’d ever known.” It is as powerful as Jamal saying it at the interview himself. Trouble answering this? Ask former colleagues and professional friends for their opinions!

6. What do you know about our firm? or Why do you want to work for us? Or Why do you want the job? 

These questions are the primary reason to do research on the organization before the interview.  Find out where they have been and where they are going.  What are the current issues? Who are the major players? Can you get behind their mission? Crucial research includes reviewing their “About Us” webpages, googling current events where they were involved, and looking on Glassdoor.com to get the scoop on positive things their employees are saying. This takes thought and should be based on the research you have done on the organization as a whole plus a mention of the specific position. Know that job description very well! Sincerity is extremely important. Relate response to long-term career goals. A flat answer here may end the interview, so be prepared.

7. What kind of salary do you need? 

It’s a loaded question and a thorny game that you will probably lose if you answer first.  So, try not to answer it. Instead, consider discussing how the experience this opportunity offers is the main compensation you are seeking. Or, if you want the conversation to unfold, try, “What is the pay range someone with my skill set and degree could expect for this position?” In some cases, the interviewer will tell you.  If not, say that it can depend on the details of the job and ask if you can discuss at a later stage in the interviewing process so you more fully understand the responsibilities of the position. If the interviewer presses, be sure you have done your research on appropriate salaries and give a $7k pay range that makes sense for your lifestyle, your experience, your location, and the position. Use salary.com, Glassdoor.com and Bureau of Labor Statistics to do your research.

8. Provide an example of your ability to think quickly and clearly on your feet. 

Companies are looking for innovative thinkers who do not need to be coddled and who truly are up to the challenges of business, most of which require timely, analytical, and creative people. Have a robust STAR** story ready to address this question.

9. Tell me about a time when you helped get a team focused and led them to success. 

You are, of course, a team player, right? Be sure to have examples ready: specific stories that show you often perform for the good of the team rather than for personal success are good evidence of your team attitude.  Do not brag; just say it in a matter-of-fact tone. This is a key point. Use the STAR** method to stay focused and provide a thorough reply.

10. Are you applying for other jobs? 

Be honest but do not spend a lot of time in this area.  Keep the focus on this job and what you can do for this organization.  Anything else is a distraction.

11. Have you ever been asked to leave a position? I

f you have not, say no.  If you have, be honest, be brief and avoid saying negative things about yourself, the people or organization involved. Find the positive spin.

12. What is your greatest strength? Follow Up: Tell me about a time when this professional strength made the difference between success and failure. 

Numerous answers are good, just stay optimistic and truthful.  A few good examples: ability to prioritize, work under pressure, solve problems or focus on projects, perhaps professional expertise, leadership skills, positive attitude, reporting skills… but be able to prove your reply with a STAR** story.

13. What kind of person would you refuse to work with? 

Do not be trivial. It should take disloyalty to the organization, violence, or criminal behavior to get you to refuse to work with a colleague.  Minor objections may label you as a whiner. If the version of this question is, “What type of person do you prefer not to work with?”, again don’t be trivial, lengthy, or negative. Focus on discussing your ability to work well with just about anyone.

14. Tell me about a time when you had an idea to improve a process. 

They are looking to see that you can (a) take enough ownership to even think about improvements, (b) think creatively and challenge norms, © present enhancements to others with emotionally intelligence, and (d) consider risks of change. Have a great STAR** story!

15. Tell me about a problem you had with a supervisor. 

This is a test - If you fall for it and start tearing up an old boss, you failed. Stay positive and either reply that you have not had any trouble with a supervisor if that’s the case, or provide a short STAR** story about how you constructively worked to solve the issue and how your relationship was strengthened as a result. Focus on the happy result!

16. What motivates you to do your best on the job? or What do you expect from your employer?

This is personal - be accurate and honest, yet relevant to the job - but examples for motivation are: Challenge, Achievement, Recognition, Positive Impact, Helping Others. For expectations, you can discuss motivation first and then add something like, “I expect that my employer will communicate her needs clearly so I can drive toward strong results.” Add anything you deem fitting here, but avoid coming off as entitled or high maintenance.

17. Do you have any blind spots or weaknesses? 

Tricky question - Do not reveal personal areas of concern but focus on how you want to grow professionally. In discussing weakness, focus on the BUT, i.e. “In the past I have put a lot of pressure on myself, but I have been overcoming that as my skills sharpen and challenges lessen.”

18. Tell me about a time that you had to analyze several solutions to make a sound decision. 

This question dives into the ability to create a framework for strategic thinking and proves you have a set process to make good decisions. Tell a STAR** story where the situation is not simple and you can give specifics on the pros and cons assessed, the sources of information tapped into, the info gathered, and insights made to come to a conclusion.

19. How do you stay organized? 

Attending to details, planning, organizing, and prioritizing work takes skill. Talk about how you manage your life or work using specific methods, as well as tools you use. You can even provide a STAR** story that speaks to how these qualities led to a success at some point in your life, career, or education.

20. What questions do you have for me? 

Interviews should go both ways. Have about 5 good questions ready to ask so you can gather the information you need to make a well-informed decision. These questions should be informational in nature and allow you to understand the position and company better while reinforcing your interest and enthusiasm. This is not a good time to talk about benefits, pay, etc. That info will come in time.

**The STAR Technique is a way to frame answers to behavioral questions in an organized manner that will give the interviewer the most information about your past experience. (This is the part where the paper says to have at least 10 of these ready but I think that’s insane. Have a couple and be prepared to tweak them based on the question. Don’t use the same few for the same interview. i’d say having about 3-5 ready is good enough.) As you prepare to answer each question, organize your response for clarity by answering each of the following components of the STAR technique:

What was the Situation in which you were involved?

What was the Task you needed to accomplish?

What Actions did you take?

What Results did you achieve?

IMPORTANT TIPS: Give a good amount of detail to paint a very clear picture at each step, focus on YOU versus the group, and if the Result wasn’t very positive or does not place you in a great light, that it is not interview material!

#interview #job interview tips #job hunting #job search #adulting

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pro tip: if you have a Bastard™ for a brain like me, and you find it hard to keep in touch with people through texting/calling, try this little trick:

keep a social to-do list, just like the one you'd keep for other tasks.

keep short little notes on your friends, their birthdays, the last thing you talked about with them, and any stuff you should be checking up on when you talk to them next:

"how did your mom's surgery go?" , "did the exam you were stressed about end ok?", "do you need my help for your upcoming move?"... basically all the things that most people are able to remember effortlessly and yet they slip right through the ADHD Sieve Brain.

it may feel a little too mechanical, a little fake, but it will make a huge difference in the way you connect to the people close to you.

#loneliness #social anxiety #texting #platonic #spiritual healer #reconnecting #mine #my art #diary

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right now, i'm taking longer to figure things out, and the logical part of my brain tells me this will hurt me in the long run. it will hold me back. the logical part of my brain is right. when i take things slow, they will go slower--i will only reach so far. what the logical part of my brain does not know is that, sometimes, there is no way around this slow progress. so i can take it slow and reach only so far--or take it slow, and beat myself up over it on the way, and reach the very same place, hurt and angry and unable to go further.

#growth #self love #productivity #self improvement #enpowerment #it doesn't matter how slow you go as long as you don't stop #my writing #mine #diary

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“Don’t allow your wounds to turn you into a person you are not.”

—

#self love #growth #healing

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#growth #self love #studyblr #healing