dietpiss

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Take a shower you greasy piece of shit. How much Burger King do you eat a day to get that natural shine?

coming out of my hiatus just to respond to this 3 year old anon that has been sitting in my inbox and making me chuckle for years bc the post that this was in response to was a pic of me with highlighter on my cheekbones LMFAOOO anyway i'm gonna crawl back in my hole for another 3 years

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i haven't been on this acc in 85 years sorry to whoever got tagged in those spam posts !!

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why the fuck did scooby have on a collar he never even wore a leash!! and he could literally tell anyone what is name is where he lives. hell he could get an uber home if he gets lost!! the fuck why is he wearing a collar

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a tradition: 9 selfies of 2018, and the most emotional growth i’ve ever had in one single year

#me #me shouting to the void #9 selfies

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what did frosty the snowman do other than come to life, do a little dance, then die

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snl auditions (x)

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the slogan for campbells soup in the 80’s was just “Soup is Good Food” and i wanna meet the young hotshot pussy destroyer who came up with that one

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reblog if you’re a slut for worm on a string

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weird old forgotten tumblr things that I never see included in this sort of list:

ah, the scalene triangle

loving Cole Sprouse

hating Cole Sprouse 

the tons of “social experiment” memes that followed

the first wave of Actual Cannibal Shia LaBaeuf memes from before there was even a video for it

trying to trick “hipster” blogs into reblogging fandom content 

the whole strict dichotomy between fandom and hipster blogs as a whole tbh

“I was here here before MTV!”

12.9 year olds

“what is air” and “my ovaries” 

non-tumblr people were peasants

nice legs daisy dukes

slideshows with comic sans and sometimes making your mom or sibling comment on some cringey show they’d never seen

homestuck

tumblr user pizza (what ever happened to them???)

tumblr user the-vashta-nerada 

Nine In The Afternoon jokes/references all the time??

imagine how is touch the sky

“you tried” stars and all the variations thereupon

do she got the booty?

“can you give me directions to the olive garden?”

night bloggers 

add more help me relive the past 6 years i’ve wasted on this garbage website

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White collar worker and executives: “Hurray, it’s labor day weekend! 3 full days off! We are so fortunate to live in a Great Country that Cares about it’s Workers!”

Service industry workers who know labor day weekend is one of the busiest 3 days of the year which means double or triple shifts and not seeing family all while being forced to be not only polite but cheerful:

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i think what’s wrong with me is that i don’t live secluded in a hut in the woods. i don’t bang enough rocks against enough things. i just haven’t forged any swords.

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hey quick question, why is this the funniest reddit comment i have ever read in my entire life

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not to be dramatic™️ but I literally don’t know who I am

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I’m opening ‘50 Shades of Grey’ to a random page and posting what I find. Part four.

Christian Grey stood on top of the end of the bed, shirtless, hands on his hips, wearing really good pants that he got at the millionaire pants store.

“Dong,” he said. “Dong. Dong. Dong. Dong. Dong. Dong.”

“What’s that?” said the girl, aware in some girl way that she was about to sex more than she ever had before.

“Open up,” he said, unzipping. “That’s the fuck doorbell.”

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i wish british accents were real and weren’t just invented for the ppcu (peppa pig cinematic universe)

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artists fuck better because we turn sex into art, masterpieces, mattresses become canvases where we can paint our love to someone with bodies.