dream-of-wanting-me

[dream-of-wanting-me]

me when frend is telling me an interesting thing

[dream-of-wanting-me]

Good surprises

He growls ♥‿♥

Then suddenly he sings ♪ ❀‿❀ 

He growls ♥‿♥ 

Then suddenly he sings ♪ ❀‿❀ 

He growls ♥‿♥ 

Then suddenly he sings ♪ ❀‿❀ 

✿◕ ‿ ◕✿    

[dream-of-wanting-me]

I talk to many people who say things like "oh I have trauma but I don't have PTSD", but then when I talk to them a little more I realize that they most likely do, they just can't recognize it as such due to how lacking PTSD awareness is, even beyond the whole "it's not just a veteran's disorder" thing.

The main reason they think they don't have PTSD usually has to do with flashbacks and nightmares, either they have one but not the other or have neither. But here's the thing, those are only two symptoms out of the 23-odd recognized symptoms. Flashbacks and nightmares are two of the five symptoms under Criterion B (Intrusion), which you only need one of for a diagnosis. The other three symptoms are unwanted upsetting memories, emotional distress after being reminded of trauma and physical reactivity after being reminded of trauma (i.e. shaking, sweating, heart racing, feeling sick, nauseous or faint, etc). Therefore you can have both flashbacks and nightmares, one but not the other, or neither and still have PTSD.

In fact, a lot of the reasons people give me for why they don't think they have PTSD are literally a part of the diagnostic criteria.

"Oh, I can barely remember most parts of my trauma anyway." Criterion D (Negative Alterations in Cognition and Mood) includes inability to recall key features of the trauma.

"Oh but I don't get upset about my trauma that often because I avoid thinking of it or being around things that remind me of it most of the time." Criterion C (Avoidance) includes avoiding trauma-related thoughts or feelings and avoiding trauma-related external reminders, and you literally cannot get diagnosed if you don't have at least one of those two symptoms.

"Oh I just have trouble getting to sleep or staying asleep, but I don't have nightmares." Criterion E (Alterations in Arousal and Reactivity) includes difficulting sleeping outside of nightmares.

"But I didn't have many/any trauma symptoms until a long time after the trauma happened." There's literally an entire specification for that.

Really it just shows how despite being one of the most well-known mental illnesses, people really don't know much about PTSD. If you have trauma, I ask you to at least look at the criteria before you decide you don't have PTSD. Hell, even if you don't have trauma, look at the criteria anyway because there are so many symptoms in there that just are not talked about.

PTSD awareness is not just about flashbacks and nightmares.

[dream-of-wanting-me]

#2024 #good choice ihmiset #ville valo

[dream-of-wanting-me]

No one is gonna say unalive in front of you. Calm your tits.

can't believe we're all adults being forced into the club penguin level of censorship in 2024

[dream-of-wanting-me]

“Why do you choose to be angry?”

I’m choosing anger because its righteous, satisfying, and safe. The alternative is a profound sadness that is so tangible I can almost drown in it.

I’m choosing anger for the baby girl who was neglected and abused and then abandoned. I’m furious she wasn’t treasured and loved.

I’m choosing anger on behalf of the little girl who was so confused, and didn’t understand why the world felt so cold and lonely, and why there was a deep missing space in her heart.

I’m choosing anger for the teenager who was ambushed one morning before school by a stranger who didn’t think twice about inflicting even more trauma on an already deeply traumatized child.

I’m choosing anger because never once was I loved, treasured, protected, or considered by her.

I'm choosing anger because its safe and as long as I'm angry, she can't win. She can't manipulate me. She can't hurt me.

Becoming a mother myself didn’t help me understand, it just made me more enraged.

The only peace I have is in knowing my children will always be loved, treasured, protected, and considered, and that generations of trauma ends here with me.

#Yes

[dream-of-wanting-me]

[dream-of-wanting-me]

When my kids were babies, I would hold them all day long. Every free second, I held them. I'll look at their beautiful faces and soak in every second of their sweet babyness.

I gave them a million kisses a day, I told them how much I loved them, I ran to them every time they needed me. They were and always will be my entire heart & soul.

Do you know how devastating it is to know that that wasn't my reality as a baby?

I was not a baby who was loved and appreciated and held and comforted by the woman who put me here.

I was poisoned by crack cocaine before I even made it earth-side and then further neglected and abused and later abandoned. I have the physical scars to prove it.

A baby.

She scarred a baby.

My father tells a story of the first time he ever met me as a newborn she had a blanket rolled underneath my bottle and she told him "Don't you go holding her when you feed her. I don't want her getting spoiled."

I was not loved by her. The woman who put me here did not love me.

I know how much babies need connection from their caregivers. And the first few months are crucial.

I did not get adequate attachment to a caregiver until my father and (real) mother came into my life.

And even then, my dad said it took me until I was about 8 months old to relax and lay my head down on his shoulder.

Normal babies do not act like that.

I was stressed and scared and traumatized. I WAS A BABY.

I loved my babies so much I couldn't bare to not have them in my arms. How the FUCK could she look at me and not love me? How could she resist holding me and soaking in my babyness?

This is why I have intense attachment and abandonment issues.

This is why I will never forgive her and I eagerly await the day I hear that she is no longer on this earth.

[dream-of-wanting-me]

[dream-of-wanting-me]

On this blog, Tim Mikkola will be worshipped.

#the vantages

[dream-of-wanting-me]

[Image description: A tumblr text-post, edited blackout-poetry style to read, "This is your gentle encouragement: give in to sin. feel good for a moment. I love you. okay?"]

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incorrect unreal unearth quotes

[dream-of-wanting-me]

I will send 1 euro to every journalist that interviews The Vantages without mentioning HIM.

#the vantages

[dream-of-wanting-me]

Ville Valo - H.I.M. "Pretending"

[dream-of-wanting-me]

The Vantages - Danger (Official Video)

🔥🔥🔥

#2024 #this stuff is good

[dream-of-wanting-me]

So 24 Israeli soldiers died yesterday while they were mining buildings in Gaza for demolition. They were destroying civil infrastructure. And I'm supposed to grieve them.

After surviving narcissistic abuse, I find it so weird to watch half of the world get gaslit by zionist propaganda. It's Twin-Peaksy. Uncanny.

#2024

[dream-of-wanting-me]

If I had 1 wish, it would be that interviewers would stop asking Ville the same 10 questions over and over.

We know what his musical influences were growing up

We know how he made Neon Noir

We know his mental state making Neon Noir

We know why it's called Neon Noir

We know how he feels about his dad's sex shop

We know why HIM ended

We know Ville doesn't want a HIM reunion

We know. We know. We know.

Don't get me wrong, I still listen/read so I can absorb as much VV into my brain as possible but COME ON.

Ask him shit like "What was your last nightmare about?"

"What dinosaur is your favorite?"

"What Netflix show are you watching lately?"

I WANT NEW VV BRAIN DLC TO DROP PLS

[dream-of-wanting-me]

Ahhhh~~~ *eternal scream* I love this pic, is awesome… Really… It hurts. (?)