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“your name will always stay etched too deep in my heart.”

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person doing a tedtalk: live the life you want to live.

me: you know what? they’re right.

me in the mcdonalds drive thru: i want a Cheese Burger. And make it a meal. i’m not kidding

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https://www.instagram.com/p/BTVYHDSlfda/

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via weheartit

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Clouds by straychi1d

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A Letter to Myself Dear Diego, You’re doing it, you’re actually doing it, you’re doing what you once thought was impossible and what you never cared to do. You’re changing. You’re changing for a better outcome in your life and hopefully a rewarding end goal of being with the person you love most. You’ve learned a lot of things in this short span of time. You’ve learned again how to be comfortable in your own skin. You’ve learned to wake up every morning and look into the mirror and accept who you are. You’ve been able to literally pick out and write down every single insecurity that existed. You chose to be an adult and deal with your issues. You chose to get help. You chose to acknowledge that there was a problem and that problem lied no where else except inside you. You’ve learned to accept that not taking the easy way out is much more rewarding. You’re learning that patience often has a much more important reward and meaning than just waiting at a bus stop. You’ve learned that even in your darkest moments you have a light. You’ve learned what true love really is. You’ve learned to not only think of yourself but also be thoughtful of others. You’ve learned that you are not right all the time. You’ve found comfort in making your mistakes now and fixing them instead of dragging them on for later. You’ve learned that something that seems so impossible is always possible as long as you persevere. You’ve learned to say “I can do it” and take action for it. You’ve learned to take responsibility for your actions. You’ve learned that the ultimate way to show someone you’re sorry is by demonstrating behaviors because saying it is easy but doing it is another thing. You’ve learned to be less self critical. You’ve learned to not criticize people just to compensate for your own wrong doings. You’ve learned that the most unbelievable definition of love lies in the word sacrifice and you’ve learned to sacrifice those negative traits. You’ve learned what it really means to miss someone. You’ve learned to capitalize on your mistakes to make you a better person. You’ve learned that finding the wrong in you is the first step in fixing it. You’ve learned what it truly means to trust someone. You’ve learned to accept the fact that someone loves you and they wouldn’t do anything to jeopardize what you have. You’ve learned that its okay to trust when you have someone who facilitates all sorts of reassurance. You’ve learned to trust when someone says they’re not leaving. You’ve learned that faith has its way of working and God always is watching. You’ve learned that God does answer your prayers after every night and every morning making sure you have the right mindset and positivity. You’ve learned that not everything is going to happen on your time and thats okay because great things come to those who wait. You’ve learned to be sure in what you feel. You’ve learned not to victimize yourself and see that you are the antagonist. You’ve remembered what it feels like to look good for yourself and someone else. You’ve learned how to actually be able to listen to yourself when it comes to the heart and mind. You’ve learned that no one can change you except for you. You’ve learned to put your part in to be the difference you want to see. You’ve learned so fucking much. You’ve learned not to give up when shit gets rough. You’ve learned to fight for what really matters. You’ve learned that being able to love someone is a blessing but is not a right. You’ve learned that with love everything is possible. You’ve learned that you’re strong enough to take anything you may put your mind to on. You’ve learned how to be you. You’ve learned that your words may not mean anything to anyone but getting your words out does so much for you. You’ve learned how to do so much. You’re learning more about patience every day although they’re the hardest lessons. You’re learning more about communicating in the proper ways. You’re learning more about how to carry a healthy lifestyle. You’re learning more and more that it is “happy wife happy life”. You’re learning so much about what you can do. You’re learning so much about absolutely everything. You’re learning what its like to be doubted and the reward of proving the doubters wrong is much sweeter than any compensation. You’ve learned to accept yourself and love yourself and better yourself. You’ve learned that growth never stops. You’ve learned not to doubt yourself. You’ve learned so much Diego. You’ve learned that actions truly speak louder than words and I know that you will demonstrate that. You’ve learned that your guardian angel is always with you. You’ve learned to overcome adversity. You’re doing it Diego and I’m so fucking proud of you man. Sincerely, Yourself

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4:41 am

4:41 am

Everyone’s heard and probably experienced missing someone or something, we all know that. Let me ask you have you ever missed someone so bad that it hurts? Undeniably missing someone to the point where you feel your heart ache. To the point where laying in your own bed and turning over and hugging a pillow has become your only consolation. Have you ever missed someone so bad that you dream about them so many nights in a row? I’ll add onto that by saying that my someone is now literally and figuratively the girl of my dreams.

The girl of my dreams…yes that one who’s radiance is enough to blind an entire population, the one who’s “fuck off” is my own little interpretation of “i love you”. That one girl who impresses you by never tiring even though she’s been running back and forth through your mind at which point you just want to say “baby girl it’s okay to stop because theres no one else to compete with”.

Imagine that, imagine not being able to show the person who means the most to you something that you’ve been working so hard on, a project you never thought was possible, the project that lies within you. Just for a fucking second imagine that. Imagine having patience when you’ve never had it before but everything is a learning experience and theres people you’re willing to learn for and people you’re not willing to.

Imagine telling people you sleep but in reality you sleep the bare minimum which is honestly the biggest effort that you can make but somehow you’re still waking up countless times reaching over to a pillow just to realize that its not them. Imagine missing every single feeling, touch, rush, and thought that went through your head when they gave you goosebumps….shit imagine missing those goosebumps. Imagine missing the sound of their breath, OF THEIR BREATH and having that be your number one soother because of the fact that they were still there and everything would be okay. Imagine fucking MISSING someone.

I’m going to state the obvious here but it’s hard as fuck and let me share that Pink Floyd’s Wish You Were Here, hits different because I really wish she were here, Russ’s “you make me a better me, I make you a better you” from Wife You Up begins to feel like a model of what’s truly happening….making me a better me. Then going onto listening to Me Haces Falta and realizing it for yourself that this person really is missing from you. Some people don’t fucking value what they have or had even after they fuck up… that in itself makes me so mad because while they’re doing nothing, I’m fighting my best battle so no chance in hell I’m like that cause just like a fuck ton of people in the world right now, I’m missing someone and crying and to be frank….it’s past missing and is now craving.

God fuck I miss absolutely every single fucking detail. As I said before…..Me Hace Falta

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De Sol a Sol

I’ve always said that sunflowers are my favorite flowers and have always correlated them to my mom and my mom only because these flowers are a key symbol for growth. I would say that my mom would be my sun seeing that sunflowers grow facing the sun but I never imagined that this world of mine could have two suns.

Often times people tell you that you should aim to find a partner that remind you of your parent and I never really thought about it until now that the love of my life would be just that…

I say this because like my mom, she has been the only person to ever make me realize that a change was truly needed, this change I’m making is to be a better me and I wouldn’t have been able to come to terms with that if it wasn’t for losing the love of my life. I would always tell Claudia that she was my Sun not knowing what it truly meant but I just felt like she was. It’s one of those instincts we sometimes have as humans to say things only later to find out the meaning. Today I truly say with everything I have, Claudia, you are my sun. You are the Sun that looks down on me providing me with such radiance, observing my growth as I grow taller and taller with change. Growing, looking up at you.

See some people don’t know what its like to lose the love of your life yet and that in it self is something you can’t prepare for. It’s genuinely feeling like a fish jumping out of its bowl and jumping around struggling to breathe because all that it needs lies in that bowl. The water to breathe in, the nutrients to grow with and lastly the familiarity with every single detail that existed in that home.

Losing the love of your life is wishing that your arms could stretch all the way to wherever they may be just to wipe their tears away. It’s praying every morning and every night for their well being not knowing if they will be staying and waiting but still doing so to make sure they’re good.

People often say that love is like the wind…you can’t see it but you can feel it and to be honest i’m yearning for a gust of wind. Matter of fact sweep me up and turn into a tornado but just as long as its you who is supplying it. True love is hearing colors and seeing sounds, yes I said that right…because when you have this feeling there really is no explanation for it aside from just saying that you’re truly in love with them. Theres no formula for it aside from “me + you” but there is no me & you without the you in it.

A couple days after I lost her, I met up with one of my friends and he tells me that his girlfriend and him bought me something. He tells me he didn’t know if I believed in any of this stuff or if I would like it but he thought of me and decided to buy it for me. Pulls a baggy out of his pocket and in it was a little stone known as the Transformation Stone. He said it was geared more towards change and being able to let go of negative traits and literally help with transforming you into a better person. He later reveals that the stone is an Opal…..ironically enough the Opal is the birth stone for October….the month in which the love of my life was born… He started to apologize saying he didn’t know but I told him that it was perfect, I now carry this stone everywhere because in it lies one of, if not the biggest motivations that I have in making this change aside from it being for myself. That picture above is the Transformation Stone. I carry Claudia with me everywhere I go….

Day by day my transformation continues and never stops, day by day my love for her grows and never stops, day by day I grow….and that will never stop.

De Sol a Sol te tengo presente en mi mente.

Diego