goat744

[goat744]

Quarantine, day 29th

I am dy*ng to go outside, but I’m proud of myself because of how well I’m handling it.

Sure, life was truly a bitch to show up with a pandemic where the most cases and deaths are exactly in my city atm, especially when I was just about to find mental peace.

It’s not like this is going to stop me, this is an extra trial and I’m going to absolutely destroy it.

To everybody outside of Italy, or even Lombardy: stay home, please, this is not some kind of government overreacting, people are suffering at an increasing rate, it’s scary but it’s easy to prevent.

Unless you have no choice, please STAY INSIDE

#mental health #mental disorder #mental illness #recovery #mental recovery #mental health recovery #Getting Better #quarantine #italy #staythefuckhome

[goat744]

Things you DON’T do if you suspect your son is hiding self harm scars:

-Forcefully pull up his sleeves

-Guilt trip him for your own emotional issues

-Send him to school right away only to never touch that subject ever again

Thank you!

#past experiences #tw #cw #self harm #depression #personal #mental health #mental disorder #mental illness #mental ill health #mental breakdown #scars #cut #cuts #parents #parenting #mother #mom

[goat744]

I was today years old when I found out I was allergic to pears

I had my first anxiety attack today after months

And I’m fine.

I’m shaken up, I’m scared, I ate less then usual and I still feel that familiar tension inside my head, usual symptoms that I wish weren’t usual.

But heres the thing: I used to to extreme stuff to calm down. Isolate myself, hurt my body, starve, give up. 

Today this didn’t happen, because I spent the last months of my life learning how to shift those extremes to a healthier opposite: vent art, writing on this blog, drinking relaxing herb tea, drawing comics, writing on my skin, crying as much as I need to. Those are my extremes now. 

No matter how much anxiety I had, my mood barely went down as it used to do.

I have improved do much.

I love my improvements.

#it cut my tongue #help #ouch

[goat744]

23. Being shirtless and drawing, not a care in the world 24. Being shirtless and drawing on myself 25. Drawing on my body an body art in general 26. being able to calm someone down  27. herb tea 28. my girlfriend’s laugh 29. aquariums ! 30. doodles that turn out to be works of art

A list of what I like (will keep updated) , reblog with your own if you’d like

Incense

my cat Pablo Noah

South Park

my budgie Basquiat

Basquiat (the artist)

Pucca

When i’m so hungry i keep eating

lactose free sweets

to make oil paintings

to sculpt

stray cats that show affection

to play cards against humanity with my friends

to play with fire

horror art

space facts

biology

to look for frogs around the creek

musicals

2D animations

minecraft

physics

everything about math

#recovery #mental health #positivity #fish #art #drawing #draw #artist #love #happiness #happy #depression #update #anxiety

[goat744]

worst decision I made tho was to eat a pear with the skin. my tongue feels like I've been rubbing it on the dry wall. 

the GOOSEBUMPS 

I had my first anxiety attack today after months

And I’m fine.

I’m shaken up, I’m scared, I ate less then usual and I still feel that familiar tension inside my head, usual symptoms that I wish weren’t usual.

But heres the thing: I used to to extreme stuff to calm down. Isolate myself, hurt my body, starve, give up. 

Today this didn’t happen, because I spent the last months of my life learning how to shift those extremes to a healthier opposite: vent art, writing on this blog, drinking relaxing herb tea, drawing comics, writing on my skin, crying as much as I need to. Those are my extremes now. 

No matter how much anxiety I had, my mood barely went down as it used to do.

I have improved do much.

I love my improvements.

#pear #fruit #lol #personal #depression #anxiety #mental health #food #eating disorder #eating disoder recovery #recovery #ed #tw #cw

[goat744]

I had my first anxiety attack today after months

And I'm fine.

I’m shaken up, I’m scared, I ate less then usual and I still feel that familiar tension inside my head, usual symptoms that I wish weren't usual.

But heres the thing: I used to to extreme stuff to calm down. Isolate myself, hurt my body, starve, give up. 

Today this didn't happen, because I spent the last months of my life learning how to shift those extremes to a healthier opposite: vent art, writing on this blog, drinking relaxing herb tea, drawing comics, writing on my skin, talking to my loved ones, crying as much as I need to. Those are my extremes now. 

No matter how much anxiety I had, my mood barely went down as it used to do.

I have improved do much.

I love my improvements.

#getting better #depression #tw #cw #eating disorder #anxiety #panic #attack #anxiety attack #mental health #mental issue #health #food #recovery #positivity #mood #depressive disorder #disorder #art #feeling good

[goat744]

psych ward, the surreal experience

Finally, I am able to talk about it!!

First thing first I got hospitalised here in Italy, so before saying I am making stuff up (I get that a lot here on the internet!) please consider that, and ask me questions in case I need to specify.

In general: Alright, psychiatrist hospitals, surely useful and saved my life, but not a fun place to be in, at all. Bad thoughts were still there, they just monitored me all day every day, filling me up with drugs I did not want to take, but I was too numb and high on said drugs to refuse, high 42/7 in a truly tiring way. They would call you in a room during specific times of the day, and watched you as you took all of your meds, then let you go.

Social life: Doctors and nurses could not care less about you, your true allies and friend were other patient: most of them were fun to hang around with, oversharing every single detail of their life, others would just not talk- with no in-betweens. I of course overshared, there were NO social rules, NO awkwardness, we were all too high and looking for human contact to care about those. I met A LOT of sweet people over there, they all got out before me so I hope they're alright 

Free time: tv was allowed in our section, the remote however wasn't. There were a lot of puzzles, and I spent a lot of time redoing the one with bunnies on it. There was a little dining room with a good view where I would spend most of my time sharing stories with other patients.

Rules: No shoelaces, no shoes, no pencils, no sharpeners (so no drawing, unfortunately), no lighters (police had to come in to light up your cig), no scarves, no phones. There were 4 “levels”, from 1 to 4: if you were a 1 you couldn't exit the facility, a 4 however could get out with permission whenever they wanted to. Also, we were all locked in with a code that could be unlocked only using the staff’s ID cards.

Pros:

Being so high I couldn't understand the gravity of the situation

walking in public in my pjs and comfy slippers

tea

Cons: yes

A few surreal events:

Guy took off his shirt, yelling he was free to do whatever he wanted to

Two girls getting in a fight because ?

This one guy who only talked to me saying he got sent to the psychiatrist hospital because his parents put a camera in his bedroom and he did heroin in front of it to show how much he didn't care

This doctor who held his hand up as to high five me, and when I did he laughed, saying I was supposed to shake his hand. how was-

That guy who sometimes slept on the floor until someone picked him up

walked in the smokers room, saw this guy receiving a blowjob, walked out of the smokers room

#mental health #mental ill health #mental disorder #mental illness #mental recovery #mental breakdown #psychology #psychiatry #psychologist #psych #psych ward #hospital #hospitalized #depression #panic #disorder #illness #panic disorder #anxiety #anxious #depressed #personal #experience #ward #mental health recovery #recovery

[goat744]

A list of what I like (will keep updated) , reblog with your own if you’d like

Incense

my cat Pablo Noah

South Park

my budgie Basquiat

Basquiat (the artist)

Pucca

When i’m so hungry i keep eating

lactose free sweets

to make oil paintings

to sculpt

stray cats that show affection

to play cards against humanity with my friends

to play with fire

horror art

space facts

biology

to look for frogs around the creek

musicals

2D animations

minecraft

physics

everything about math

#positivity #mental health #mental recovery #depression #anxiety #frogs #woods #nature #pets #animals #animal #budgie #parakeet #bird #feline #cartoon #animation #south park #sp #pucca #pucca netflix #pucca funny love #likes #videogames #tv series #videogame #gaming #recovery #happiness

[goat744]

Reblog if:

- You support recovery.

- You support those in recovery.

- You support seeking help.

- You want  people to seek help.

- You think everyone is beautiful, regardless of their weight.

- Even if you yourself, aren’t seeking help or are in recovery, want others too.

[goat744]

scheduling my anxiety is by far the hardest thing

I noticed it peaks as soon as I open my eyes in the morning, and at around 5 in the afternoon, so i have to try my best and “focus” all of my anxiety and worries there.

Panic starts rising at 2pm? Sorry bro, just had my dose this morning. You gotta wait three hours now

[goat744]

Nobody ever talks about how anxiety messes up with your physical health.

I suffer from frequent fevers and terrible headaches, which turns out they’re caused by stress and anxiety.

Let’s not forget the good old nausea and dizziness.

For real, how are they expecting me to go to school in these conditions ?

#mental health #depression #tw depression #depresjon #depressive #disorder #mental ill health #mental illness #psychologist #psychiatry #psychology #mental health recovery #panic #anxiety

[goat744]

something about me

I’m not going to say my name nor exact age, just know I'm a student, over 18.

Ive suffered from anxiety since I can remember, my first anxiety attack occurred in middle school, I was about 12, I was in class. Ever since then I became “addicted” to anxiety: in specific situations and events i feel like i have to experience anxiety.

I got diagnosed with depressive disorder, panic disorder, and agoraphobia (they give you a diagnosis for that? I had no idea)

My first panic attack came two years ago on the 27th of august.  I got into a psych ward in April 2019 and got out in August. I am now starting to recover from all that crap. It’s a hard journey, with its own ups and downs, but I am proud of where I am now.

I will cover the time span that went from august 2018 up until now through my posts.

thank you and welcome

#mental disorder #mental heath support #mental ill health #mental health #depression #tw depression #cw #anxiety #panic #disorder #psychology #psychiatry #psychologist #personal #introducing myself

[goat744]

Getting better

I can’t even recall how many times I had to hear the same terrifying statement “Depression can’t go away, you just get used to it”, or “You can't cure depression, you can just treat the symptoms”

I can't lie, I used to have full blown weeks lasting panic attacks thinking about this. But now I get it, and it’s much more beautiful, hopeful, calm.

It’s true, the thoughts are there, the feelings did not go away, but the key was to ignore it all- easier said than done.

I used to reply to my depression, fuel it with the attention it needed. I used to give it my usual “I don't care”, “please shut up”, “go away”. I tried to reason with it, spend hours and hours trying to find a reason why I was feeling like that, trying to find something rational about my depression’s behaviour. 

There is nothing rational about it, you can’t reason with it.

I stopped answering and trying to understand why I was feeling like crap, if it wants to treat me like that, go on, I allow it to happen. At first I felt like I was making a huge mistake, feeling almost worse, but then I realised it saved me so much energy both mentally and physically.

Depression is like a toddler throwing a tantrum: you can’t give it any positive nor negative attention, you can’t pretend it’s not there because it is, you just let it blow off steam.

So it doesn't matter if I got “used to it”, what matters is how I feel without giving it too much thought, and I feel fantastic

#advice #mental heath support #mental health #depression #tw depression #cw #anxiety #anxious #thoughts #psychiatry #psychologist #health #mental disorder

[goat744]

How is depression cruel to us

It works so differently compared to other mental issues I have(had), it won't give you the chance to get better: it turns progress into regression, also framing you for that crime.

There will be improvements in your life, big or small, but depression will always force you to look down on them.

 You managed to get out for a walk one hour ago? Big deal, you can’t even go out for a SECOND walk right now, whats the point? You ate? So what, you’re either gonna feel sick or still feel like starving by tomorrow.

And so on

You try to tell it to stop, but its comeback sounds something like “I’m not doing anything, that’s your way of thinking, that who you really are, who you’ll be forever”

That’s not you talking, but it’s hard to listen to your rational side when depression is screaming in your brain

#depresjon #mental disorder #mental heath support #mental ill health #anxitey #anxious #depression #brain #psychology #personal #rant #experience #anxiety