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i think the world is ready to see this one :)

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I keep seeing posts that are like:

Person #1: *Meme about breaking news* Person #2: I can’t keep learning the news like this. Person #3: If you’re going to a circus, expect to see clowns.

But the thing is, sure, everyone on tumblr expects to see clowns.

What we don’t expect is for the clowns to do this:

And this has been the exact energy of this website for months.

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Philosopher’s Stone AU where everything is the same but Dumbledore says something along the lines of, “And finally, the third door in the Dungeons, on the left-hand side, is strictly forbidden to everyone who does not wish to die a most painful death; thank you!”

Once the students are sent off to bed, the curious staff gather around Dumbledore. It’s Professor Flitwick who asks, “Headmaster, I thought we were putting the trapdoor on the third floor?”

“Ah,” Dumbledore wisely says, his voice hoarse from a century and a half of traversing the mortal realms. “It was originally my intention to put the trapdoor on the third floor. However, upon further analysis, it seems that…doing so would only lead to the second floor.”

(I originally wrote this joke for Lilypad (x,x) but it made me cackle so I thought it deserved its own separate post!)

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I live for terrible art. Note: I don’t like art that is intentionally or ironically terrible, I like things that are just so earnestly inept and/or bizarre that they fail as what they are trying to be but horseshoe back around into glorious postmodernistic portraits of their creators.

I went to a Goodwill today (my friend needed help carrying a couch and we practiced good social distancing!) and I found a DOOZY of a book. It’s called Decoded Dog, so I picked it up thinking “oh cool, a book about dog behavior or genetics or something, relevant to my blog an interests!” - I was NOT PREPARED for “A Canine Mystery Novel”

Then I turn it over and BOY HOWDY did I strike gold.

So it’s speculative fiction about a dog pandemic that takes a hard left into the guardrail about 2/3rds of the way through and becomes a big pharma conspiracy thriller with what seems to be (from the brief skimming I did in the car on the way home) a concerning amount of anti-vax sentiment. The author is a PhD geneticist and standard poodle enthusiast, so there are literal whole pages passive-aggressively espousing the merits of poodles written with the poetic nuance of a hard-science dissertation. The rest of the book is mostly pages upon pages of dense, stilted exposition trying desperately to explain graduate-level virology to an audience that would buy a “canine mystery novel”. The author also apparently rescues poodles with Addison’s disease, so there is a ton of information about canine Addison’s shoehorned in throughout - like, enough that it feels like paid product placement but for an adrenal disorder.

Overall, this book is topical, timely, dogs. 14/10 absolute masterpiece that I am so excited to dive into whole hog, please stay tuned for a review of the whole book

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this song

this fcuking song

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When Enjolras and Grantaire start going out, Courfeyrac and Combeferre sit R down to give him the “So, what makes you qualified to date our son?” talk. R goes along with it but thinks it’s ridiculous. What he doesn’t know is that, across the cafe, Joly, Bossuet, and Musichetta are giving Enj the same talk about him.

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Enjolras - Wouldn’t light help?

Grantaire - Huh… when did it get dark?

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Joly: in all the years I've known him. There's always been exactly one place Grantaire wanted to be. And he always fought like hell to make sure he got there and stayed there.

Enjolras: where's that?

Joly: wherever you were

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why does john mulaney look just a little bit like sid the sloth from ice age

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vibe

my patronus is scrat from ice age

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I’ve always wanted...

-An adult version of the baby from the first Ice Age movie to reunite with the rest of the herd.

-“A Bugs Life II,” with Dot growing up and learning the duties of a princess in Atta’s place.

-The Iron Giant II: He sacrificed himself at the end of the movie and his parts went ALL over the place…but he DIDN’T die.  I always expected a movie where his parts finally came back together and he reunited with Hogarth.

-The chipmunks singing “Boys and Girls of Rock and Roll” in one of their live action movies

-For Jack to be reunited with an older version of the baby he took care of in the first series (Samurai Jack)

-A modern crossover between the newer Sesame Street characters and the newer Muppet characters, just like the specials in the old days

-There to be consistency in the fact that in the first Monster’s Inc. movie, Mike told Sully, “You’ve been jealous of my looks since 3rd grade,” rather for them to make a completely new plot where the first time they met was in college.

-Consistency with the X-Men movies in general

-A live action movie of the Teen Titans

-A live action movie of Codename Kids Next Door

-The GALACTIC KIDS NEXT DOOR SERIES

….And so much more.

….but a girl can dream.

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hey. hey. how is it that like, everyone knows scrat from ice age’s name. literally not once is he referred to by name in any of the 5 ice age movies yet you can show that squirrel to basically anyone and they’ll be able to identify him as “scrat.” even /I/ don’t know where I first heard his name what the hell

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Wow that really just straight up applies to Kaz Brekkar

True Fact: Before the crowbar was invented most crows drank at home

#six of crows #kaz brekkar

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Kaz, noticing stupid people on the street: look at those idiots.

Kaz, realizing its Nina, Matthias, Inej, Jesper and Wylan: oh shit, those are my idiots.

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kaz: *beating the shit out of his emotions with his cane after inej laughed* don’t you ever fucking come back here again

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Nina, writing in her diary: Today…Kaz was…a big bitch

Kaz: I’m standing right here

Nina, shuddering: I can still hear his bitchass voice

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Cal: Why is Evangeline crying?

Mare: She took one of those “Which Red Queen character are you?” quiz.

Cal: Oh, who did she get?

Mare: Me.