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This shows up on the digital calander:
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All the avengers: are yOU FUCKING KIDDING ME-
All of the Avengers: thank god this fucking year is over
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Reporter: Mr. Stark! Any words on your teammates?
Tony, taking off his sunglasses, revealing bags under his eyes: If idiots could fly this place would be a fucking airport.
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Straight friend groups be like: *blonde girl* *chad* *the funny one* *kyle* *brunette girl* *frat boy*
Gay friend groups be like: *genius billionaire playboy philanthropist* *Russian spy* *frozen 1940s war mascot* *angry scientist* *21st century Robin Hood* *Norse god*
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Sam: yeeted
Peter: yote
Sam: YEETED
Peter: YOTE
Steve: I just want to know who the FUCK threw Bucky out the window
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Peter: Man, 2000 was a simpler time for me
Tony: But you were born in 2001?
Peter:
Peter: Man, 2000 was a simpler time for me
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Peter: Hey, May, what's for dinner?
May: It's a soupprise.
Peter: Is it soup?
May: I souppose it could be.
Peter: Stop that.
May: Soup what?
Peter: Saying soup puns.
May: No.. soup.
[The next day while Tony and Peter were talking]
Peter: It was TACOS!
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Alex: Here's a list of suspects I've put together.
Chase: Your name is on here.
Alex: I don't remember where I was last Friday. I've been tailing myself for the past three days.
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*at the zoo*
Peter: what are they in for?
Tony: this isn't a prison
Peter: so they can leave?
Stephen: well, no
Harley: *pointing at a penguin* i bet that one killed someone
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Stephen: *using tony's phone*
Stephen: *sees contact named love of my life*
Stephen: aww
Stephen: wait, this isn't my number
Stephen: *calls number*
*on the other side of the line*: this is sam's burgers. hello mr stark, would you like the usual?
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thor: so, do i have a brother or a sister today?
loki: since you ate my last piece of pie, today you have an enemy
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Tony: there was a bunny at Lowes eating all the flowers today.
Nat: Go for it! Fight the power!
Clint: Go on little bunny! Feast!
Steve: A criminal.
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Stephen: I wrote a poem for Tony
Christine: Aww... that’s so sweet!
Stephen: Roses are red but sometimes they’re pink
Christine: Go on,
Stephen: Now get your dirty dishes out of the sink
Christine:
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Peter: -and then he snapped.
Ned: Did you die?
Peter: Sadly, yes.
Ned: Oh, no!
Peter: But I lived!
Ned: Oh thank goodness.
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Yes
miles: dad can i please get airpods
jefferson: no
miles: but come on, everyone has them
jefferson: do you see spiderman running around with airpods?
miles: 
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Peter- Attention, due to personal reasons, I am going to take an extended leave, to curl up in a hole and die.
Matt- It's because he burnt his pop tart in the toaster.
Deadpool- We all respect your decision, and why you choose to do this.
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(Matt and Foggy during that episode)
Foggy- Am I in heaven? Oh, wait Matt is here. I'm in hell.
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Peter: A pet rock is a fun pet until you realize that it’s essentially immortal and you’ve damned it to an eternity of watching its loved ones die.
Happy: Tony, I swear to god your kid won't leave me al-
Tony: No, no, let him finish.
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