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How to Help Your Child to Deal With Exam Stress

With the exam season upon us – stress, anxiety,restlessness are bound to be common emotions around the house.

But there are ways to ease these emotions and support your child during the stressful lead up to a major exam.

Identify exam stress early

Look out for warning signs that your child or teenager is stressed or suffering from anxiety. Some common signs of stress include:

•    sleep disturbances

•    erratic or poor eating (skipped meals, picking at the food on their plate, etc)

•    low mood

•    low confidence

•    frustration or anger

•    queasy tummies, headaches and flaring up of skin conditions such as eczema.

Make sure you child eats well

A balanced diet is vital for your child’s health and can help them feel active and well during exam time.

While high-fat, high-sugar and high-caffeine foods and drinks seem very tempting, avoid the colas and sweets, these foods tend to make children irritable and moody. Opt for healthy and nutritional options around the house to satiate their late night hunger pangs.

Fruits & Vegetables are rich in fibre and have all the essential vitamins and minerals that are needed to boost your child’s body and mind. You can make up an interesting salad with fruits, veggies, and nuts.

Yoghurt is rich calcium and protein and increases mental alertness. If they don’t want to eat it plain, make some buttermilk or lassi.

Omega 3 fatty acids found in fish, mustard oil, mustard seeds, methi, urad dal, rajma, soybeans, lobia, walnuts, bajra,flaxseeds (alsi) are good for the brain and to enhance memory.

Make sure child gets enough sleep

Most teenagers need anything between 8 to 10 hours of sleep a night. While everyone loves the panicky last-minute study plan, cramming all night before an exam is usually unfruitful. Lack of sleep will make last-minute bits of information more difficult to recall.

They might disapprove of having you monitor their sleep patterns, but stress upon the fact that good sleep will improve thinking and concentration.

Stay calm and positive yourself

Parents need to be flexible around exam time. When your child is revising all day, don’t worry about household jobs that are left undone or untidy bedrooms. Be around for any help your child may need – even if you don’t understand the subject. Maybe they just want to rattle off a theory they just understood or walk you through something they have been trying to put logic too.

Staying calm and positive yourself can help. Remember, exams don’t last forever.

Encourage free time during the exam

Insist that they unwind between study time. Exercise, watch TV, deep breathing, talk to someone, listen to music, walk around the house or just about do anything which is remotely distant from books, syllabuses and examinations. This can help boost energy levels, refresh the mind and relieve stress.

Make sure they drink enough water

In between study schedules and helping friends on the telephone,

Having a jug of water with mint leaves available on the study table is a great idea.Water keeps one hydrated, aids digestion, boosts immunity and memory and keeps the body systems regulated.

Make sure to cut out the other stress

The lengthy syllabus already has them irritable, depressed, loosing sleep and appetite- ensure the environment isn’t adding anything more.

•    Plan to leave home well in time and not be late/stuck in a traffic jam before the exam

•    Ensure Uniform, Stationery Kits and everything they need are in order.Everything they need should be close at hand so they don’t have to spend time searching for things.

•    Avoid too many guests at home, this can hamper study schedules

•    Avoid asking the ‘Are you well prepared’, ‘How many more chapters to go?’ questions. These add to stress and anxiety levels for the child

•    Ask how each exam goes, but don’t push them to talk about it if they don’t want to. Sometimes it’s best not to dwell on these things, but just move on.

Tell them not to fear failure

Your child can feel like if they don’t succeed at this or get the highest score in the class, it means their whole life is a failure.

Failure (or not getting exactly what you want) is a normal part of life.Help them be positive during this period.A quick ‘summary’ conversation at the end of the day in which you give positive feedback can also work wonders, as it’ll show that your child’s hard work is being recognized

Because, as long as they have put their best foot forward ( irrespective of the results) it is success in your eyes.

Courtesy: Prerna Joon, http://silverrattle.in

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An Extra Laughter with Kids...

No one would ever imagine that laughter has the power to heal an individual, both physically and mentally. When children laugh, it can be uplifting for anyone listening to it, and it benefits the child in untold ways. And, the sound of children laughing can be very compelling too!!

The sound of children laughing genuinely is one of life’s most beautiful sounds. Whether it’s straight from the belly, a loud chuckle or a full-throated laugh, anyone listening to it can smile at the sound. It also makes one feel liberated and alive and fills one up with joy. Truly said, laughter is indeed the best medicine. Here are some widespread ways in which children can reap the benefits of their own laughter.

A sense of humor can brighten family life. You can blow raspberries on a baby's belly, put on a silly hat and chase a 3-year-old, or pretend to fall into a pile of leaves to amuse a first-grader. As kids grow into preteens and teens, you can share puns and jokes as their sense of what's funny grows more sophisticated.

Laughing together is a way to connect, and a good sense of humor also can make kids smarter, healthier, and better able to cope with challenges.

We tend to think of humor as part of our genetic makeup, like blue eyes or big feet. But a sense of humor actually is a learned quality that can be developed in kids, not something they're born with.

What's So Funny Anyway?

Humor is what makes something funny; a sense of humor is the ability to recognize it. Someone with a well-developed sense of humor has the ability to recognize what's funny in others and can amuse them as well.

A good sense of humor is a tool that kids can rely on throughout life to help them:

see things from many perspectives other than the most obvious

be spontaneous

grasp unconventional ideas or ways of thinking

see beyond the surface of things

enjoy and participate in the playful aspects of life

not take themselves too seriously

Kids with a well-developed sense of humor are happier and more optimistic, have higher self-esteem, and can handle differences (their own and others') well. Kids who can appreciate and share humor are better liked by their peers and more able to handle the adversities of childhood — from moving to a new town, to teasing, to torment by playground bullies.

And a good sense of humor doesn't just help kids emotionally or socially. Research has shown that people who laugh more are healthier — they're less likely to be depressed and may even have an increased resistance to illness or physical problems. They experience less stress; have lower heart rates, pulses, and blood pressure; and have better digestion. Laughter may even help humans better endure pain, and studies have shown that it improves our immune function.

But most of all, a sense of humor is what makes life fun. Few pleasures rival yukking it up with your kids.

Different Ages — Different Humor

Kids can start developing a sense of humor at a very young age. But what's funny to a toddler won't be funny to a teen. To help your kids at each stage of development, it's important to know what's likely to amuse them.

Babies

Babies don't really understand humor, but they do know when you're smiling and happy. When you make funny noises or faces and then laugh or smile, your baby is likely to sense your joy and imitate you. He or she is also highly responsive to physical stimuli, like tickling or raspberries.

Sometime between 9 and 15 months, babies know enough about the world to understand that when mom puts a diaper on her head or quacks like a duck, she's doing something unexpected — and that it's funny.

Toddlers Toddlers appreciate physical humor, especially the kind with an element of surprise (like peek-a-boo or an unexpected tickle). As kids develop language skills, they'll find rhymes and nonsense words funny — and this will continue well into the preschool years.

And it's around this time that many kids start trying to make their parents laugh. Your child might deliberately point to the wrong facial feature when asked "Where's your nose?" or put on your shoes and clomp around the house.

Preschoolers

A preschooler is more like find humor in a picture with something out of whack (a car with square wheels, a pig wearing sunglasses) than a joke or pun. Incongruity between pictures and sounds (a horse that says moo) is also funny for this age group. And as they become more aware of bodily functions and of what gets a parent's goat, preschoolers often start delighting in bathroom humor.

School-age Kids

As kids move into kindergarten and beyond, basic wordplay, exaggeration, and slapstick will increasingly funny. They may discover the pleasure of telling simple jokes (it's fun to be the one who knows the punchline!) and will repeat the same jokes over and over.

Older grade-schoolers have a better grasp of what words mean and are able to play with them — they like puns, riddles, and other forms of wordplay. They'll also start making fun of any deviation from what they perceive as "normal" forms of behavior or dress, and gross-out jokes related to bodily functions are a hit too.

But kids this age are also developing more subtle understandings of humor, including the ability to use wit or sarcasm and to handle adverse situations using humor.

Humor Basics

It's never too early to start developing a child's sense of humor. Babies' smiles and laughs are so delightful that we often do this intuitively — smiling, blowing raspberries, or tickling them many times a day just to hear a chuckle.

It's important to keep up this encouragement as kids grow. When you're playful and humorous with your child, delighting in silliness and laughter, you help him or her develop a playful and humorous attitude about life.

One of the best ways to do this from the toddler years on is to spend time every day being receptive to the many opportunities your child gives you to smile or laugh. Be spontaneous, playful, and aware of what your child finds funny at different ages. Also be game enough to laugh so the jokes don't fall flat.

What else can you do to encourage your child's sense of humor?

Be a humor model. One of the best things you can do to develop your child's sense of humor is to use your own. Make jokes. Tell funny stories. Laugh out loud. Deal lightly with small catastrophes like spilt milk.

Take kids' humor seriously. Encourage your child's attempts at humor, whether it's reading (potentially unfunny) jokes from a book or drawing "funny" pictures of the family dog. Praise your child for trying to be funny and be open to surprise — the first time your child makes you laugh is one of life's great pleasures.

Teach kids that adults are funny — and that they can be too. Make humor a part of your day-to-day interactions with your kids and encourage them to share funny observations or reactions, even when you're around other adults.

Create a humor-rich environment. Surround your kids with funny books — for toddlers and preschoolers these include picture books or nonsense rhymes; older kids will love joke books and comics. Also check out funny TV shows, movies, and websites for all age groups — help your child make good choices and then enjoy them too.

Where to Draw the Line

You don't want to rain on their parade, but kids need boundaries when it comes to humor, just like they do in other areas. You don't want to encourage mean-spirited or off-color jokes, so be a good role model and avoid using humor in this way. If someone tells a hurtful or inappropriate joke, don't laugh. Take the time to explain to your child why that joke isn't funny.

You also might want to gently discourage bathroom humor or at least not participate too heartily. It won't hurt anyone's feelings but kids may have trouble determining when it's OK to make such a joke (at home, with family) and when it's not (in the classroom, at church).

The Family That Laughs Together...

Above all, humor is social. That's why you laugh harder at a funny movie when you see it in the theater with other people laughing around you than all alone on your couch.

A key aspect to developing your child's sense of humor is to take time to have fun as a family. Share jokes, play games, and watch funny movies together.

You might even adopt your own offbeat family traditions, whether it's hanging spoons off your noses or wearing matching pajamas. It will be funny now — and maybe even funnier in years to come, when you and your kids remember those silly family times.

Courtesy: parentinghealthybabies.com, kidshealth.org

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How to think like a Child?

Picasso once said: "Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist after he grows up." He certainly had a point, and now researchers at North Dakota State University think they may have found an answer. Darya Zabelina and Michael Robinson, who carried out a US study into adult creativity have discovered that the more an adult act and thinks like a child, the more imaginative he or she becomes. "Thinking like a child is entirely possible for adults," says Robinson. "And we found that doing so is beneficial for certain types of creative activities."

While we're not suggesting you regress into making loud personal comments about people on the bus, or screaming when you want something, there are many things you can do to tap into your inner child. You could try not taking yourself too seriously, for one. Or be spontaneous, inquisitive and generally more chaotic. Or simply take life more slowly – enjoy a nice long bath instead of darting in and out of the shower. "It's all about finding anything we can do to relax ourselves," says chartered psychologist Mark Millard. "Most of the time most of us are too tight. We all need loosening up."

So if your creative impulses haven't dried up or been beaten out of you entirely, here's a handy guide to bringing out the best in yourself by behaving like a small child.

Lose your cool

Ever watched a child dance or sing? As the old adage by American author William Purkey goes: "You've gotta dance like there's nobody watching ... sing like there's nobody listening." This is exactly how children do it. It may not be in time to the music, and it may not look cool, but it's as spontaneous and as free as it gets. "Children have an enormous capacity to be uninhibited," says chartered counselling psychologist Martin Lloyd-Elliott. "Adults always thrive when they have at least a few areas of their life in which they allow themselves to let go completely."

This is about more than just not taking ourselves too seriously, says Michael Dunn, senior lecturer in business psychology at the University of Derby. He cites new research done into the way the brains of jazz musicians work which suggests that lowering our barriers can be highly productive. "Scientists discovered that when jazz musicians improvise, their brains turn off areas linked to self-censoring and inhibition, and turn on those that let self-expression flow," he says. "And in doing this they are coming to the task more like a child would."

Have a bad idea

How many of us have sat around in meetings with a half-decent idea in our head, yet not spoken up because we're worried people will laugh? We've all learned through bitter experience that if you say the wrong thing or express a dodgy idea, then chances are you'll be ridiculed.

"Children are much less inhibited about saying the things that might not be right," says Dunn. "To be creative, what we are looking for is not one idea but dozens of ideas – some good, some average and some rubbish. We need to go through the wrong stuff to get to the right stuff. So no matter how wild and wacky an idea is, we need to learn to suspend judgement and get it to the table. Kids aren't bothered about doing that, they have no fear of saying what they think." In other words stop being so paranoid and speak up. As Einstein once said: "If at first the idea is not absurd, then there is no hope for it."

Learn to dawdle

If you've ever tried to get a child to school in a hurry you'll know: short of dragging them down the street, it's impossible. They don't seem to have a speed setting other than extremely slow. Do as they do and drag your feet whenever possible, stop to gaze into any shop window you fancy and miss the crossing when the green man comes up. "Going for a walk, letting our minds wander and having a really good rummage around in our mind is a very good problem-solving technique," says chartered psychologist Mark Millard. "Don't go out with blinkers on. Walk around and see what captures your attention. It's a great way to help us bust out of our usual mindset." Which is common sense: it's about slowing down and giving ourselves more time to see things.

Be bored

Many of us can remember issuing that pitiful lament: "Mum! I'm bored." Well, these days we just don't say it enough. When we're not working, we're doing our chores, watching TV, or Facebooking our friends, we just don't allow ourselves any proper down time any more. The psychoanalyst Dr James Hollis says all of us should "create space to invoke possibility". But it seems we have forgotten how.

"We need to make time and space to daydream, to meditate, to let our minds wander – to allow ourselves to be bored," says Lloyd-Elliott. "Most people seem to be allergic to stillness and silence and dreaded boredom. They have to fiddle with their phones, games consoles and laptops rather than just be. Too much human doing and not enough human being. Children embrace dead space and time and fill it with imagination. The greatest creative ideas often emerge from the gloom of boredom."

Break the rules

We have all had it drummed into us that there is one correct answer to everything and it's wrong to make a mistake. Children have no idea about these rules; they are chaotic and willing to search for many different answers. "We all got educated into a fixed way of looking at the world," says Millard, "which is really very good if you are a banker an accountant or someone who drives a car. But it's definitely very unhelpful if you are faced with a problem where you need to be more imaginative." Dunn also believes we accept convention too readily. "My students, for example, sit in the same seat for class week after week, for no reason other than that's what they have always done," he says.

"Try folding your arms with the other arm on top – it feels wrong. Without making the effort to mentally suspend any rules or conventions, creative output will be limited. "Children don't know theories," he concludes. "Their brains are not conditioned. They haven't learned the shoulds and have-tos of the adult world. They don't know what's possible and what's not. How many adults would crawl around the floor trying to pick up a sunbeam?"

Get yourself a babysitter

Not literally of course, but putting someone else in charge, even if just for a little while, can be hugely beneficial. There's a phase in psychology known as "executive control", which is all about how we are driven by deadlines, chores, work or whatever else, which means our attention is narrowed and so therefore able to be less creative. "We believe," says Millard, "that if we don't attend to these pressing issues something dreadful is going to happen." When we are stressed we limit our focus and home in on the things that are troubling us. "We tend to ruminate and turn things over and over and over and get fixated, which is not very helpful if you are trying to come up with new ideas," Millard adds. So, try handing over the reins, let someone else take control and sit back and think of higher things.

Sit in the back seat of the car

Another way of relinquishing control. Aside from giving up all responsibility for map reading, CD-changing and arguing about directions, occupying the back seat gives you a different perspective on life – it's simply a way of looking at things from a new angle. "It's just about changing age-old habits and breaking out of routine," says Millard. "Occupying a different physical space does wonders to change your outlook." Strapped down like a child, you are pretty much powerless to do anything (even to get out if there are child locks), so you might as well relax and enjoy. There's no need to go as far as getting yourself a booster seat.

Get an imaginary friend

Bear with us here, it's not as crazy as it sounds. We're not suggesting you launch into elaborate role-play or incessant chatter to an invisible being, but visualisation exercises have long been a valuable tool for the psychologist.

"One technique that I often use is to get people to imagine that they are an adult holding the hand of a child who is frightened of the situation they are in. It enables them to see the situation more clearly," explains Dr Rachel Andrew, a chartered clinical psychologist.

I have a friend who, when faced with a tricky situation, always asks himself the question: what would David Bowie do? It isn't quite an imaginary friend, but it seems to work for him.

"What someone like this could provide for an adult is a sense of comfort, security, friendship and belonging," says Millard. "It could just be someone you can sound ideas off, or someone who pats you on the back and keeps you going, or who sees things in a slightly different way. Anything that encourages positivity or changes your perspective can be very helpful."

Just try not to chat to them too much while out you're in public 😊

Courtesy: Lena Corner, independent.co.uk

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No Excuse to Fitness: Working Women of Now

For centuries, women never concerned themselves with fitness or staying active. They dieted to lose weight and the most exercise they got came from chasing their children. There were of course, exceptions to this rule. There were women who participated in physical games with their kids or maybe a bike ride with their husbands. But for the most part, women, once they were grown, didn’t make it a point to exercise. Only a few women understood why fitness is important to women.

Today, women are beginning to consider fitness and exercise an important part of staying healthy. As information becomes available about the benefits of exercise and the dangers of a sedentary lifestyle, women are paying close attention and doing something about it. They are making fitness a higher priority in their lives.

With a workforce of women earning nearly as much or more than their male counterparts, women have been plagued by many of the health problems that men have encountered for years. Women are often in higher managerial positions now and stress related illnesses and diseases associated with certain lifestyles have increased for women. Fighting off these life-threatening diseases is one more reason why fitness is important for women.

Staying physically fit helps to strengthen the heart, respiratory and mental functions. Studies have shown a direct link between fitness and brain function. By sticking to a regular fitness program, women in decision-making positions find it easier to perform their jobs and will be able to better deal with the stress.

Fitness is important for all women, regardless of their occupation. Whether reaching up while stacking shelves or bending down to pick up children, women use large and small muscles throughout their bodies to do every day tasks. Staying physically fit can aid in every moves made throughout the day.

Regular physical activity includes a combination of resistance and cardio exercises. Be sure to mix it up to get maximum results during each workout. Cardio activities raise the heartbeat and help the body to burn calories. Choose activities that you enjoy like walking, jogging, swimming, or cycling, for starters.

Women are busier today than ever and many may think they don’t have time for exercise. 30 minutes of exercise each day is all it takes to stay in shape. You don’t have to spend hours at the gym—just commit to exercising at least 30 minutes a day and reap the full benefits of fitness.

Let's know how challenging it was for Working Mother Editorial Director Jennifer Owens, as communicated to Laura Flynn McCarthy.

The time is now. For many years, she’s put her own health at the bottom of her priority list. “I went back to work three months after each of my two kids was born, and I made a bargain with myself that all my free time would go to them,” says Working Mother Editorial Director Jennifer Owens. “Now I see I’ve let my own needs slide. While I did power walk every other morning after my first was born, that slowly ebbed with the birth of my second child, the advancement in my career and economic changes that left me with more financial responsibility.”

Jennifer has a close-knit family and a job she loves, but the years of neglecting her well-being have left her overweight, frequently tired and concerned about the example she’s setting. “I can’t put it off any longer. I need to show my kids that personal health is important. I haven’t always been a good role model for that,” she admits. “It would be an amazing gift to my family to create a lifestyle in which healthy eating and exercise are as ingrained as brushing teeth and reading every night.”

To the rescue: a realistic food and fitness plan that fits Jennifer’s nonstop schedule (can you relate?), designed with top getting fit experts: nutritionist Elizabeth DeRobertis, MS, RD, director of the Nutrition Center at Scarsdale Medical Group in Scarsdale, NY, and fitness trainer Liz Neporent, co-author of The Thin in 10 Weight-Loss Plan and a spokesperson for the American Council on Exercise. Not a quick fix, this is a can-do program for the long haul. These strategies will help Jennifer swap out bad habits for smart choices that can become automatic and lifelong and allow her to achieve three goals: lose weight and keep it off; become more fit, more energetic and less tired; and make healthy eating and exercise a natural lifestyle for her family.

Food That Works

Don't skip breakfast!

As part of her getting fit plan, Jennifer should aim to lose about a pound per week by consuming 1,200 to 1,400 calories a day. Or she can reduce her current daily intake by 500 calories (or by 300 calories and exercising off the other 200). “You can’t rely on willpower,” says DeRobertis. “Healthy-weight adults don’t have more will- power than overweight people. Rather, they put an effective plan in place.” DeRobertis targeted the problem spots in Jennifer’s day that thwart good eating and devised plan-ahead solutions.

Problem Spot 1: The Morning Rush

Jennifer gets up at 7 a.m. and gets herself ready for work and everyone out the door by 8:30, when she walks her kids three blocks to school and then hops on the subway to her office. She eats nothing until about 10 a.m., when she has a chai tea and sometimes a greek yogurt at her desk.

Solution: Eat earlier and spread out your calories. “Women who skip breakfast often have trouble with food the rest of the day, often eating too much after dinner,” says Derobertis. One way to eat less later on is to eat something in the morning. Greek yogurt is a good choice because it’s rich in protein, and many find they eat healthier overall when they start the day with protein. Jennifer needs to eat before she gets to work (even just a cheese stick or hard-boiled egg), have the Greek yogurt at 11 a.m. and then eat something every few hours throughout the day to keep her metabolism going and control her appetite.

Problem Spot 2: Skipping Lunch

Because her workday is nonstop, Jennifer has programmed her work calendar with the reminder “Don’t forget to eat lunch.” Still, it’s often 3 p.m. by the time she realizes she hasn’t. By then she’s ravenous and prone to making poor food choices.

Solution: Pack lunch and snacks. “Bringing your food to work is the top change you can make,” says Derobertis. “It can offer the best weight control results because it stops you from getting too hungry and making bad food choices under stress.” One good choice: a basic sandwich with lean turkey, ham, roast beef or chicken. “One slice of these proteins has about 15 calories,” says DeRobertis. “Put three or four slices on two slices of 50- or 60-calorie bread, add mustard or a 35-calorie cheese spread (such as Laughing cow), and you’ve got a satisfying lunch for about 200 calories.” Ordering in or eating out? Start with a broth-based soup, then have a lettuce-veggie salad with a baked or broiled protein like chicken, salmon or shrimp, a fat-free dressing and, if you want, one “fun” topping like croutons, sunflower seeds or shredded cheese. Try to start lunch by 1 p.m.

Problem Spot 3: Afternoon Snack Attack

By mid-afternoon, Jennifer feels she not only needs a snack (especially if she’s skipped lunch), but she deserves one as a treat for the stress she’s faced. The vending machine and corner bakery beckon with snacks she might down with a diet cola.

Solution: Snack strategically. In her lunch pack, Jennifer should include three or four healthy, pre-portioned snacks with 130 or fewer calories (see below). In addition to a mid-morning snack, if lunch was at 1, she should have a snack around 3 p.m., another at 4:30 and, if she’s working late, another at 6. “Choose pre-portioned foods and avoid handfuls of anything, because one handful quickly becomes many, and you lose track of your calories,” says DeRobertis. One sweet snack like a 100-calorie bag of cookies can be okay, but Jennifer should monitor how she feels when she eats it. If it acts as a trigger to eat more sweets, she should stick with healthier choices. Diet cola may also stimulate appetite, says DeRobertis. Water and flavored seltzer are better choices.

Problem Spot 4: Mindless Munching

When Jennifer gets home, her second shift begins: making dinner for her kids, helping them with homework, reading logs and baths, packing lunches for the next day—all before she and her husband eat their own dinner around 9:30 p.m. Both she and her kids are hungry and need something to munch on while all of this activity is going on.

Solution: Beware of BLTs (bites, licks and tastes). “The snacking you do when you first get home or while preparing or cleaning up dinner adds up,” says DeRobertis. If you’re all hungry, eat foods in order from lowest calories to highest calories. Heat a cup of soup, microwave a bag of low-fat popcorn or put out a plate of raw veggies and fat-free dip, hummus or portion-controlled guacamole for you and the kids to munch on before dinner.

Problem Spot 5: Eating Late

On a typical work night, Jennifer and her husband eat dinner at 9:30. She’s often still hungry after and may snack while they watch television together.

Solution: Think green and lean. “There’s no magical cutoff time to stop eating at night,” says DeRobertis. “If you eat carefully, you can have a late dinner and still lose weight. But you need to avoid foods that are easy to overeat, such as pasta, rice and bread. Instead have one lean protein, such as broiled or baked chicken or fish, and two vegetables.” After-dinner snack? “That’s probably more habit than hunger,” says DeRobertis, who suggests eating more protein and vegetables at dinner if it’s really hunger. If late snacking is a habit, change your routine: Sit in a different room; do something other than watching television. Still want a snack? think 100 calories.

On the Move

You can even exercise in your chair at work. Try it!

Fridays are Jennifer’s “perfect days.” She works at home. after walking her kids to school, she works out for 40 minutes at the gym, comes home, eats breakfast, showers and dresses and is at her desk by 9:30. The rest of her workweek? Not so perfect. “Mondays through Thursdays are stress, stress, stress,” she admits. “I can’t exercise in the morning because I’m tired and need my sleep, and the office is non-stop work until i get home, sometimes not until 9 at night, when I want to collapse on the couch. Fitting in a workout is just unrealistic.”

Solution? Exercise in short spurts throughout the day. “There are advantages to working out in small bursts,” says Neporent. “You can exercise anywhere and not need to change clothes or shower. It boosts your mood. Research shows you burn more calories per minute with several 10-minute bursts of exercise than one longer one. and you may eat less. People who do one-hour workouts often feel ‘I burned it; I earned it.’ But with 5- or 10-minute workouts, people don’t feel that sense of entitlement because they’ve ‘only’ done 5 or 10 minutes. It’s a psychological advantage.” Neporent’s plan to get Jennifer moving while maintaining her schedule:

Mondays Through Thursdays

“Start each day with a chart divided into four sections of 5 minutes each,” suggests Neporent. “Your goal is 20 minutes of extra activity each day, in whatever spurts you can. You’ll burn at least as many calories as doing 20 minutes all at once and rev your metabolism each time.” Before work: get off the subway one stop before your usual one and walk to your office. Check off your first 5-minute block of the day.

At work: Check off 5 or 10 minutes of activity by doing any combination of the following:

While talking on the phone, stand up and pace or do squats, leg lifts or toe raises.

Sitting in your chair, increase flexibility and core strength with roll-ups: Sit up tall; bend forward slowly, a vertebrae at a time, until you’re hanging down. Slowly roll up a vertebra at a time until you’re sitting straight in your chair again.

Squeeze a ball while reading through emails or manuscripts to strengthen your hands.

Walk to co-workers’ desks rather than emailing or calling. “you save time because you accomplish something in one conversation rather than 16 emails,” says Neporent, “and you move more.”

Walk and talk. meeting with one or two others? Do a walking meeting instead of sitting around a table.

In the evening: Do a 10-minute DVD workout. Get a DVD that offers five 10-minute workouts and cue it up on Sunday night so it’s ready when you walk in the door on Monday. “Let that workout help you decompress from work to home, and let your kids see you exercising on a daily basis,” says Neporent. Some DVDs to try: the “10-Minute Solution” series, “Exhale Core Fusion” series, “10 Pounds Down” or “Thin in 10.”

Fridays

Stick with your usual workout that includes a combination of cardio (treadmill, bike or elliptical machine) and using weight machines.

The Weekend

Exercise as a family. you want to have fun with your family and raise your heart rate with sustained aerobic activity. Suggestions:

* Take a one-hour urban family hike.

* Jump rope. It burns about 15 calories per minute. “alternate with your kids doing 5 or 10 jumps each; after 15 minutes it will be a better workout than going to the gym,” says Neporent.

* Go to a playground and do everything your kids do.

* Scooter, which Jennifer’s kids love. “Get an adult scooter with four wheels and a helmet and scooter with them,” suggests Neporent. “You’ll get a great workout, and your kids will think you’re the coolest mom around.”

The ultimate key to getting fit and staying healthy? Turning on your internal GPS. “Eating well and exercising is not about being perfect all the time. It’s about how you respond when things don’t go perfectly,” says Derobertis. “If you take a wrong turn in your car, your GPS tells you to recalculate and puts you back on track. It doesn’t raise its voice and reprimand you. your internal GPS should do the same. If you have an occasional slip, don’t give up and think, I blew it. I might as well eat whatever I want now. Get back on track that same day, and you will reach your goal.” Go team Jennifer!

Courtesy:  Laura Flynn McCarthy and Karen Ficarelli from

workingmother.com and fitness4her.com respectively.

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Why it’s good to be a boring parent

Really, it is okay to be a boring parent! Seems counter-intuitive because we’ve been told for so long how good it is to be involved in our kids’ lives and how we must spend quality, fun time with them. Yes, that’s all good and I completely agree with all that but there is a place for boring.

Your four year old asks for the 100th time, “Can I have a biscuit?” and you say for the 100th time, “Yes, when you’ve had your dinner.” Your eight year old comes to you and asks again if they can go and play at the neighbour’s and you say again, “Sorry, sweetheart, we’re going to Nana and Pop’s today. Can you remember to ask me again tomorrow?” Your 11 year old comes to you and says yet again, “Can I go to the mall with my mates? Everyone else is allowed!” and you say yet again, “When you’re 14, we’ll talk again. In the meantime, I’m happy to come with you and be somewhere else in the mall for an hour while you’re with your mates. Got your phone charged?”

What I mean is it’s good to be consistent or ‘boringly repetitive’. Sometimes our kids are genuinely trying on their strength, but sometimes they’re just checking to see if the rules are the same as they were yesterday. It can be really reassuring for them to be met with the same consistent, boringly repetitive rules and reasons. Either way, it’s great if we can respond with warmth and firmness, good reasons if they need to be restated, and brevity.

What I mean is it’s good to be consistent or ‘boringly repetitive’.

Never underestimate the effectiveness of the brief reminder. No need to get tied up in knots because, “They should know this already because we’ve talked about it enough!” or to take it personally because, “Clearly they’re not listening.” Just restate the boundary and move on with the expectation that they will take it on board. We know that our kids tend to rise to our good expectations of them and usually that’s all that needs to be said. If that doesn’t settle it, you may need to redirect the four year old with, “What are you going to do until dinner? Play outside or with your dinosaurs?” The 11 year old might need to be reminded that, “The choice is go to the mall or not – it’s up to you. Let me know when you’ve thought about it,” and give them some space to process the decision.

Another stylish way of dealing with this is to get them to do the thinking. By that I mean simply asking, “What’s our rule about this?” or, “You’ve got a good memory, what did I say last time you asked me?” Please note sarcasm has no place in these conversations, which is a great shame because I’m quite good at it and my kids would agree! There are a number of good things about getting them to do the thinking. One is that they’re joining the dots for themselves, using their energy not ours and internalising our family values. They’re also exercising the frontal cortex – the executive functioning part of their brains which is crucial the older and more independent they get. We know in terms of brain plasticity that whatever we use gets stronger and more efficient.

So there you go. If your kids complain you’re boring, just smile knowingly and say, “Yeah, I know. Cool, eh?”

Courtesy: Jenny Jackson, theparentingplace.com

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Why should you say 'No' to Multitasking?

When I ask people at what age they feel they were (or are) the sharpest, it is shocking to me that no matter their current age – 20s, 50s, 80s – they always say their peak performance was 10, and often 20, years earlier. It does not have to be that way. Your best brain years can be ahead of you, not behind. Recent studies show that if you can change the way you think, you can change the wiring in your brain to improve its function and health.

I have spent my career researching how the brain best learns, reasons and makes sound decisions, as well as how to strengthen it. My goal is to accelerate the discovery of ways to ensure our brains remain more vibrant, supporting our need to make sound financial decisions, solve problems and retain creativity. In my recent book, Make Your Brain Smarter: Increase Your Creativity, Energy and Focus, I condense 30 years of research into tips on how you can rev up your brain's performance at any age.

Many scientifically proven strategies to boost your mental performance involve easily embraceable, common-sense tactics that can have an immense impact on the long-term health of your most important natural resource. One such tactic is eliminating toxic multitasking.

Why Multitasking Fails

So often we find ourselves in environments that erroneously place a high value on being able to multitask, the prevailing perception being that the more you can do at once, the more expertly intelligent and efficient you are. Alarmingly, some people even believe that multitasking is a good workout for the brain.

This type of thinking is damaging to your health

Multitasking is a brain drain that exhausts the mind, zaps cognitive resources and, if left unchecked, condemns us to early mental decline and decreased sharpness. Chronic multitaskers also have increased levels of cortisol, the stress hormone, which can damage the memory region of the brain.

The truth is, your brain is not designed to do more than one thing at a time. It literally cannot achieve this, except in very rare circumstances. Instead, it toggles back and forth from one task to the next. For example, when you are driving while talking on the phone, your brain can either use its resources to drive or to talk on the phone, but never both. Scans show that when you talk on the phone, there is limited activation of your visual brain – suggesting you are driving without really watching. This explains how we can sometimes end up places without knowing exactly how we got there.

Frequently switching between tasks overloads the brain and makes you less efficient. It's a formula for failure in which your thoughts remain on the surface level and errors occur more frequently.

Multitasking, though, can be a difficult habit to break. It's more common among teenagers and young adults who are constantly connected to email, smart phones and social media apps, but older technology users also seek the immediate satisfaction of beeps, dings and buzzes. Each creates an addicting release of dopamine in the brain, which perpetuates the need for speed and ceaseless stimulation, making the cycle more difficult to break.

Time for a Change

If you are a chronic multitasker, there is good news: You are never too old (or too young) to be proactive about brain health and performance. Recent studies provide evidence that adopting healthier thinking habits and improved cognitive strategies can rejuvenate your mind, reversing its clock by decades.

When you train your brain to think more strategically and efficiently, measurable improvements register on the biological level. Our own studies show that after only six hours of training, subjects can experience upsurges in neuron-nourishing blood flow, the genesis of new brain cells, improved communication between regions of the brain and increased white matter growth.

Consistent single-tasking helps ensure that your decision-making skills last late into your senior years. In "Healthy Brain, Healthy Decisions," a recent study of rational ability in people age 50 to 80, sponsored by the MetLife Mature Market Institute, the biggest predictor of a sound decision-maker was a high capacity for strategic attention, the ability to filter the most important information from less relevant data. Even better, the study found that strategic attention actually increases with age. And single-tasking is one of the best ways to prime the mind for strategic attention. (See tips for making better decisions from the study's authors here.)

Steps to Single-Tasking

Start your journey toward better brain health by adopting a single-tasking lifestyle in which getting things done sequentially is the rule. Your brain was wired for deep and innovative thinking, but that's impossible to achieve if you're trying to make it go in two or more directions at once. It takes a concerted effort to leave the chaotic addiction of multitasking behind, but the benefits are immediate and immense. It will increase your creativity, energy and focus. Here are a few tips to get you started:

Give your brain some down time. You will be more productive if, several times a day, you step away from mentally challenging tasks for three to five minutes. Get some fresh air, for example, or just look out the window. Taking a break will help make room for your next inspired idea because a halt in constant thinking slows the mind's rhythms to allow more innovative "aha" moments.

Focus deeply, without distraction. Silence your phone, turn off your email and try to perform just one task at a time. Think it's impossible to break away? Start with 15-minute intervals and work your way up to longer time periods. Giving your full attention to the project at hand will increase accuracy, innovation and speed.

Make a to-do list. Then identify your top two priorities for the day and make sure they are accomplished above all else. Giving the most important tasks your brain's prime time will make you feel more productive. Or, as Boone Pickens said, "When you are hunting elephants, don't get distracted chasing rabbits."

These tips — along with a healthy diet, adequate rest (about eight hours a night) and regular aerobic exercise (three times a week for 50 minutes) — will keep your mind and body functioning well. Thanks to medical advances, more of us will live to 100 and beyond, but our peak brain performance comes, at best, at about half that age. So our bodies live almost another lifetime after our brains' natural peak. This is why we all need to make a concerted effort to make our brains smarter. Don't let your brain go backward. Your future depends on it

Courtesy: Sandra Bond Chapman, Forbes.com

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Discipline that works

All children "misbehave" sometimes, and all parents wonder how to stop the misbehavior. But that's only half of our mission as parents. The other half is raising a child who internalizes our guidance to become "self-disciplined." The most effective "discipline" for your child is always positive, loving, gentle guidance. Here's why.Why Peaceful Parenting?

What is a Peaceful Parent? A parent who commits to regulating her own emotions, instead of taking them out on her child. A parent who commits to not using violence or shame to control her child, and instead uses connection and coaching to motivate him.

Why Peaceful Parenting? Because it works, from toddlers to teens. Peaceful parenting raises a child who WANTS to behave.

Strict Parenting raises angry kids who lose interest in pleasing their parents. Permissive parenting raises unhappy kids who test their parents. In both cases, the child resists the parent's guidance and doesn't internalize self discipline.

Peaceful parenting is using love and connection to keep our kids on the right path. Research shows that children are more open to our guidance when we empathize, and resist any temptation to be punitive. That's what helps kids learn consideration and responsibility, and makes for happier kids and parents.

"Children misbehave when they feel discouraged or powerless. When you use discipline methods that overpower them or make them feel bad about themselves, you lower their self-esteem. It doesn't make sense to punish a child who is already feeling badly about herself and heap more discouragement on top of her."

How to Use Peaceful Parenting

"One generation full of deeply loving parents would change the brain of the next generation, and with that, the world." —Charles Raison

Peaceful Parenting has three parts:

The parent commits to regulating his or her own emotions.

The parent prioritizes maintaining and strengthening the parent-child connection, which is the only reason children cooperate.

The parent loves the child unconditionally, rather than using "love withdrawal" or other punishment techniques to control and manipulate the child with punishment or rewards. Instead, the the parent sees him or herself as a coach, offering the child loving guidance so the child learns to manage emotion, and therefore behavior.

Below are the ten tips for practicing peaceful parenting instead of punishment at your house.  If you're wondering whether that's a good idea, the short answer is that punishment undermines your relationship with your child, makes kids feel worse about themselves (which makes them act worse) and sabotages your child's development of self-discipline. Isn't your goal to help your child feel good and act better? Click here for more information on WHY peaceful parenting raises great kids.

1. Peaceful parenting starts with regulating your own emotions,

...so that you can be the patient, emotionally generous parent you aspire to be -- and that every child deserves.

2. Evaluate all teaching based on whether it strengthens or weakens your relationship with your child.

The most effective discipline strategy is having a close bond with your child. Kids who feel connected to their parents naturally want to please them. Think Loving Guidance, not punishment. Punishment is destructive to your relationship with your child and ultimately creates more misbehavior. Loving guidance is setting limits and reinforcing expectations as necessary, but in an empathic way that helps the child focus on improving her behavior rather than on being angry at you.

3. Start all correction by reaffirming the connection.

Remember that children misbehave when they feel bad about themselves and disconnected from us.

Stoop down to her level and look her in the eye: "You want your brother to move, so you pushed him. No pushing; pushing hurts! Tell your brother, 'Move please!'"

Pick her up: "You wish you could play longer but it's time for bed."

Make loving eye contact: "You are so upset right now."

Put your hand on her shoulder: "You're scared to tell me about the cookie."

4. Don't hesitate to set limits as necessary, but set them with empathy.

Of course you need to enforce your rules. But you can also acknowledge her perspective. When kids feel understood, they're more able to accept our limits.

"You’re very very mad and hurt, but we don’t bite. Let’s use your words to tell your brother how you feel." "You wish you could play longer, but it's bedtime. I know that makes you sad." "You don't want Mommy to say No, but the answer is No. We don't say 'Shut Up' to each other, but it's ok to be sad and mad." "You are scared, but we always tell the truth to each other."

5. In any situation posing physical danger, intervene immediately to set limits, but simultaneously connect by empathizing.

"The rule is no hitting. You can tell your sister what you want and how you feel without attacking her."

6. Defiance is always a relationship problem.

If your child does not accept your direction ("I don't care what you say, you can't make me!"), it's always an indication that the relationship is not strong enough to support the teaching. This happens to all of us from time to time. At that point, stop and think about how to strengthen the relationship, not how to make the child "mind." Turning the situation into a power struggle will just deepen the rift between you.

7. Avoid Timeouts. They create more misbehavior.

Timeouts, while infinitely better than hitting your child, are just another version of punishment by banishment and humiliation. They leave kids alone to manage their tangled-up emotions, so they undermine emotional intelligence. They erode, rather than strengthening, your relationship with your child. They set up a power struggle. And they only work while you're bigger. They're a more humane form of bullying than physical discipline.

8. Consequences teach the wrong lesson if you're involved in creating them.

On the face of it, Consequences make sense: The child does (or doesn't do) something, and learns from the consequences. Which, when it happens naturally, can be a terrific learning experience. But most of the time, parents engineer the consequences, so that any child can explain to you that consequences are actually punishment.

If the parent is not involved in the consequences (for instance, if they don't study and flunk their test, or they don't brush and get a cavity) -- and if you can handle the bad result -- kids can learn a lot from suffering the consequences of their actions. Of course, you don't want it to happen more than once, or their self image becomes that of a person who flunks test and gets cavities, and they have learned an unintended lesson. My own view is that it works better, if possible, for them to skip such lessons, but as a last ditch strategy, we all certainly learn from letting things go wrong.

Unfortunately, most kids whose parents use "consequences" as punishment don't think of them as the natural result of their own actions ("I forgot my lunch today so I was hungry"), but as the threats they hear through their parents' clenched teeth: "If I have to stop this car and come back there, there will be CONSEQUENCES!!" If parents are in charge of consequences, then the consequences aren't the natural result of the child's actions, but simply punishment.

To the degree that Consequences are seen as punishment by kids -- and they almost always are -- they are not as effective as positive discipline to encourage good behavior. Using them on your kids should be considered a last result and a signal that you need to come up with another strategy.

9. What you think and feel is more important than what you say in how your child responds.

Kids will do almost anything we request if we make the request with a loving heart. Find a way to say YES instead of NO even while you set your limit. "YES, it's time to clean up, and YES I will help you and YES we can leave your tower up and YES you can growl about it and YES if we hurry we can read an extra story and YES we can make this fun and YES I adore you and YES how did I get so lucky to be your parent? YES!" Your child will respond with the generosity of spirit that matches yours.

10. How you treat your child is how she will learn to treat herself.

If you're harsh with her, she'll be harsh with herself. If you're loving with her while firm about setting appropriate limits, she'll develop the ability to set firm but loving limits on her own behavior.

Harsh discipline and punishment, ironically, interfere with the child's ability to develop self discipline. The problem with internalizing harshness isn't just that it makes for unhappy kids and, eventually, unhappy adults, it's that it doesn't work. Kids who are given discipline that is not loving never learn to manage themselves constructively.

To the degree that we're harsh with ourselves because of the way we were parented, we respond to it by rebelling (how many times do we cheat on our diets?) or martyring ourselves (trying hard to be good girls and boys but building up resentment and lashing out at those we love, or not giving ourselves a break and ultimately breaking down.)

To the degree that we can accept our own loving guidance because we've learned from our parents to treat ourselves that way, we are able to set goals and use our self-discipline to attain them. Ultimately, loving guidance and positive parenting result in the child's developing the holy grail toward which all child-raising is aimed: the child's own self-discipline.

Courtesy: ahaparenting.com

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To Raise Happy Kids, Put Your Marriage First

Want better-adjusted, more successful children? The answer is not to cram their free hours with Kumon math, Mandarin lessons and violin classes. Nor is it to be a "helicopter parent", forever hovering.

Devoted parents do not produce happy children, says a new book that has become a bestseller in America and is about to be published in the UK. Adults who want the best for their children should spend less time trying to be the perfect parent and more time striving to be the perfect spouse, according to David Code, author of To Raise Happy Kids, Put Your Marriage First.

"Today's number one myth about parenting is that the more attention we give our kids, the better they'll turn out. But we parents have gone too far: our over-focus on our children is doing them more harm than good," said Code, a family therapist and writer for the Wall Street Journal. "Families centered on children create anxious, exhausted parents and demanding, entitled children. We parents today are too quick to sacrifice our lives and our marriages for our kids. Most of us have created child-centered families, where our children hold priority over our time, energy and attention.

"But as we break our backs for our kids, our marriage and self-fulfillment go out the window while our kids become more demanding and dissatisfied," he added. Code believes today's children are troubled because they receive too much attention. "That's why children seem to have many more problems nowadays than we did, or our parents did," he said. "By killing ourselves to provide a perfect, trauma-free childhood for our children, we're wasting our energy. The greatest gift you can give your children is to have a fulfilling marriage yourself."

But what if your child has problems and issues that demand a parent's full attention? Code believes that any worries parents have about their children are much more connected to their anxieties about their marriage than they realize. "We often believe we just don't have time for our spouse. But when two parents drift apart, often one parent will drift closer to the kids," he said. "We parents convince ourselves that putting our children first is child-friendly, but we make two main mistakes by doing so. First, it becomes harder to respect and enforce the boundaries that shape a child's character, so he simply badgers his parents until he gets his way. Future bosses and spouses may not be so patient with this behavior.

"Second, we put tremendous pressure on our children to fulfil our emotional needs, which may lead to the child acting out. This draws even more attention to the problem, as parents seek a diagnosis and physicians increasingly rely on medicating children. What had been a molehill becomes a mountain, creating a self-fulfilling prophecy that can cripple the child's development," he added.

Competitive, intensive parenting is a modern trend that counts Kirsty Wark, presenter of Newsnight, among its devotees. But while Wark happily admits to having been a "helicopter parent", the backlash has begun. Psychologist Dr Madeline Levine recently claimed that children of over-involved parents are three times more likely to suffer from depression and anxiety. Over-involved parenting was a thinly disguised attempt to correct what had not gone right in the parents' own lives, she said.

Kirsty Young, presenter of Desert Island Discs, agrees with Code. She called pushy parenting "the real modern disease". Young, a mother of two, said the "cult" of intensive parenting "sickens" her. "Parents today are preoccupied with children as an extension of their own success," she said.

But parents who admit they are putting their marriages first risk harsh public censure. Writer Ayelet Waldman said she has still not recovered from the furious reaction last year when she admitted she loved her husband more than her children. "I long for the day when an eminent sociologist publishes a definitive study of marriage where the parents openly admit they love each other desperately, ardently and even more than they love their children," said Waldman, author of Bad Mother, a Chronicle of Maternal Crimes.

"It would be wonderful if it could be established once and for all that the children of these marriages are more successful and have happier and healthier lives than children whose mothers focus their desires and passions on them."

Courtesy: Amelia Hill, www.theguardian.com

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Your Kids Dont Need A Perfect Mom, they need a happy one......

Prior to this weekend, I had a different plans to bring a blog or news on something creative for mommies or we young parents. But the spicy busy last two days reminded me what I am looking for as a happy mom, as a happy parent and as a happy individual. Its Break. Yes indeed ! Of course I love my hubby and my cute kids and we all love each other...but I think I am wishing for days where somebody else ensure that my kids and my daily chores are well ensured and managed. Aha!!....is it....I am full of blush and dimples once I start feeling that I am on such a short sabbatical.

About a year after my second child’s birth, I was running myself ragged.  I ended up getting mono, compliments of my daughter, and was in bed for a week.  I don’t get sick very often, but when I do I get really sick.  It is as if my body is trying to tell me to slow down.  Since I am sure that I am not alone, I wanted to share why every mom needs a break.  Based on what happened to me this weekend, I realized I was long overdue.

Morning Run

I took Friday off to get some business work and errands done.  Prior to getting down to business, I went on a morning run.  I had so many things on my mind and I got lost in my thoughts as I was running.  I was listening to an amazing podcast called Mother’s Quest and it was so relatable to what I was going through at the moment.  You see, the morning started with my daughter pushing my buttons and I lost my patience with her.  I was angry with her and I was angry with me as I was running and my adrenaline was already high prior to my feet even hitting the pavement.  As I was listening to the podcast, I kept thinking about how I should have handled things differently.  Unfortunately, my run and my reflection session were cut short.

I have no idea what happened, but one minute I was running away and the next minute I was face first on the sidewalk.

Thankfully, outside of some pretty bad scrapes, I am okay.  I did ruin my favorite pair of running leggings, but at least I do not have any broken bones.  It could have been a lot worse.  I didn’t realize it at the time, but this fall was something that I needed.  Like they say, everything happens for a reason!

After my run, I had every intention of coming home and being a badass.  I had errands to run and a lot of business work to get done before the kids got off the bus.  I cleaned myself up and met a friend for brunch.  We had a good time catching up.  However, as soon as I got up from the table, I knew that I was going to have to change my plans for the day.  My hand was pretty sore and there was no way I was going to be able to do any house cleaning.  Yeah, I got out of cleaning bathrooms!

Change of Plans

When I got into the car, I received a call from the school.  In the interest of keeping my daughter’s life private, I am just going to say that it was not good news.  I was devastated and I went home and I cried.  I cried for so many reasons that I am not comfortable sharing at this point.  No one wants their child to experience pain and I was upset just knowing what she has been going through.  When she got home,  I was strong and let her cry.  She needed me and I needed her at that moment.  Thanks to Only Love Today, a book that I have been reading, I knew that I needed to put everything aside and love her.  I needed to be there to hug her and listen to her.  The work and the to-do list could wait.

The next day, I woke up and knew it was going to be a long day.  My knee was swollen and my leg was aching.  I had a training class to go to in the morning, so I got ready and headed out.  The class was great, but sitting for a long period of time was not easy on the knee.  I got home and I was in pain.  Once again, I put the list aside and sat on the couch and read and watched Nicholas Sparks movies.  It was a relaxing evening and one that was long overdue.  If you are a regular reader, you know that in addition to this blog I also have a full-time corporate career and run two different side business.  I love every minute of it, but I don’t typically have a lot of time to just take a break.

I figured that I would use Sunday to catch up on everything that did not get done over the weekend.  Life had a different plan.

While my daughter was doing better, I could tell that she needed me.  She helped me with some of the household chores that had to get done and then we cuddled and spent the day together.  In the morning, I was a bit annoyed because I knew that I had so much that I still had to get done before the workweek started again.  As the day progressed, I realized how much we both needed this special bonding time.  We do spend a lot of time together, but it is usually doing chores or running errands together.  Lately, there has not been many days in which we just hang out together and do nothing.

Why Every Mom Needs A Break

Listen to Your Heart

As moms, we need to give ourselves the time to breathe and recharge.  Despite all of us trying to be superheroes, our bodies and our minds have limits.  There were so many signs that indicated that I needed to just stop and take a break.  While it would be great to have that break be on a tropical island, it does not have to be anything extravagant.

My “break” looks different depending on what is going on in my life.  There are days in which I know that I just need a kid free day to just to be Diane and not mommy.  That is the nice thing about being a working mommy, you can take a day off while the kids are in school.  Stay at home moms or work from home moms, I know that you do not have that luxury.  If you need a kid free day, do not feel guilty about leaving your kids.  They will be fine and you will find out you will be an even better mom if you are happy and are taking time to give yourself a break.

Mom Needs a Break

There are days, especially since my kids are in school, in which I need to recharge by spending time with one or both of my kids.  I know there are times of the year in which I need to lean into work.  During that time of the year, I am most productive when I get to recharge by spending time with my kids and being reminded of why I live the life that I do.  There are other times in which I need to reconnect with my husband.  Being a dual working, busy family makes it a challenge to find one on one time. If we cannot get a date night in, we will both take a day off of work and spend the day together.  I love those days!

No matter what your break looks like, you need to take one. You will find that you are a better mom if you take the time to make you happy.  My best advice is to schedule those breaks on calendar.  Do not wait until you are forced to take one and have a crash on the sidewalk, like I did.  While I am still recovering, it was a good reminder of where my priorities need to be.  My health and my family always need to be the priority in my life.

What do you do to give yourself a break?

Courtesy & Inspired by: diariesofaworkingmommy.com

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#happy #holi to all. #life is filled with #color enjoy the Beauty of each and every color and have a blast this holi. . Warm wishes from #kiddylanes #family to you and your family. . . #holi #holi2020 #happyholi #happyholi2020 https://www.instagram.com/p/B9i32yBg9Pb/?igshid=i0ws0888k4o9

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Why for Kids Playing Alone Is Also Important

With our ages we all have realized how important is for children to play. At times we as a parent also join them when they are playing, and most of the time they play in the company of other sibling kids or with someone from the neighbor house or common school. But likewise playing in groups, playing alone is also required and it also brings a lot of  value addition to the child. It doesn’t mean that we should encourage them to always play alone, rather we should make them learn to play in groups, as well as how to play when they are alone.

When children play alone, they learn many valuable lessons they'll carry with them throughout their lives. Solo playtime helps your kids become well-rounded individuals who are happy whether they're in small groups, large crowds or alone. Here are the explicit eight reasons why playing alone is important for children. Playing alone:

Teaches Children to Have Fun Independently

Kids who play by themselves learn to have fun on their own. They don't count on others for their happiness and entertainment.  As your children grow, they understand that they won't always have someone by their side every waking moment. They'll be more confident and satisfied individuals.

Brings Out Their Imagination

You may already feel like your child is full of imagination. Just wait until you step back and let them play by themselves. The time alone will draw out superheroes, princesses and other play situations you wouldn't get to see if they weren't engaging in solo playtime. They'll be quick to think on their feet, and their creativity will shine.

Develops Their Social Independence

Playing alone develops a strong sense of independence in children. They don't have to be around another person or a group of people at all times. This social independence will help them feel comfortable in any situation.

Playing by themselves doesn't encourage your children to shy away from others with this new-found independence. It actually prepares them for whatever your day holds, a morning of solo play, an afternoon with your playgroup or an evening sleepover with a friend.

Encourages Calmness

Playing outside gets them riled up while playing with others gives them a lot of interaction.

Playing by themselves brings a sense of calmness to your kids. This time playing alone takes their mood to a different level as they peacefully play with their toys.

Shows Children How to Soothe Themselves

Kids want to know we're there for them when they need us, but learning how to play by themselves also teaches them to self-soothe. They count on you always, but they also learn to look inward to become their own problem solvers. Your children begin to understand their own emotions better and can start communicating those feelings to you too.

Lets Them Feel Comfortable When Alone

As much as you would like to, you can't interact with your children 24/7. You have chores to do and meals to put on the table.

When your kids know how to play by themselves, they don't rely on you as much to be their entertainment director. They also realize you're not ignoring them by not playing with them. They'll soon look forward to their time for individual play.

Gets Kids Ready for School

For preschoolers, you're probably the number-one playmate your children have ever known. As you back away and show them how to play by themselves, they understand that you're not always physically going to be there with them.

Playing alone gets children ready for school since you won't be able to sit in the back of the classroom with them every day.

They don't feel abandoned because one day you drop them off at school, making them feel like you've left them alone for the first time. Instead, they've developed those calm and self-soothing feelings and can feel comfortable taking on a new adventure without you there.

Gives You Some Downtime

Everyone deserves time to themselves. Even the grown-ups. Another perk of teaching your kids to play alone is that you earn a much-needed break. This isn't your primary goal, of course, but the time you spend alone is also a good example to your children. Your kids can see you enjoy doing the things you love alone and that you don't need someone else's attention 100% of the time to be happy.

Courtesy: Apryl Duncan, verywellfamily.com

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Working Mom's Success : Forget Balance | Make Your Own Recipe of Success !!

As an executive at a leading financial services and technology company with two young children, I’m often asked how I maintain a balanced personal and professional life. The answer is simple—I don’t. After many hours of self-reflection, conversations with friends and family, and debates with my husband, I’ve found a recipe for success with life-work integration rather than work-life balance. For me, it’s not about striving for a perfect balancing act but rather integrating across all aspects of life so you can bring your whole self to everything you do.What does integration really mean? Just a few of my daily mantras:Make trade-offs: dropping my preschooler off at school once a week or taking that 5:30 p.m. call from the car.Declare priorities: getting home for dinner knowing there will be a little late-night email.Ask for help: thank goodness for meal delivery services and handyman companies.Breathe: which works for my toddler and it works for me too!📷This isn’t rocket science, and I am by no means the first person to share. And I realize not everyone can say they work for a company that values the importance of being your true self in the office. But I’m grateful to be able to do this throughout my career at Capital One.Working mothers bring a diverse and powerful set of experiences that can contribute to a successful team in the workplace. Research shows that a team of people with different backgrounds and perspectives leads to lower costs, higher revenues and increased profits—which translates to delivering for our customers in a better way.

 One of the greatest joys of my career has been my experience working in so many parts of the business, from front-line customer support to process management and even branding. In moving across functions, I’ve been able to learn from colleagues who approach challenges, manage teams and create solutions in unique ways, giving me an ever-increasing appreciation of diverse perspectives

.Over the course of my career, I’ve become a better teammate and leader because of how I’ve responded to the opportunities that I’ve been given—as well as the ones I asked for. That’s not to say that I’ve taken advantage of all of them in the way that was expected, but sometimes walking away from an opportunity is as powerful as accepting one.A few years ago, I was in a role that I absolutely loved! I was close to our customers and hearing what they needed. I was close to our product development teams and helping to influence the next generation of service experiences. I had a fabulous manager who challenged me and was my best advocate, plus I loved my entire team.

The challenge was: My work required travel all over the world, and that didn’t integrate so well with my life. I knew I wanted to keep growing in my career, but I also wanted to be home for all of the milestone moments with my family. I had two young children under age 3. I wanted to be home for bedtime. I wanted to take them to swimming lessons once a week. I wanted to carpool with my husband to work to catch up and enjoy simple moments together.

At the peak of that role, I went to my manager and explained how much I enjoyed what I was doing, but that I needed something at that time that empowered me to find a better life-work integration. With support from my entire management team, I found another role within Capital One that stretched me in new ways while enabling me to be the best me—in life and at work. While it was a hard decision, I’m so glad I found the courage to ask for what I needed.Managing life-work integration is always easier when your company offers flexible work solutions and great benefits—so be selective

.Here are 10 ways I believe working moms can gain success at work:Find what you enjoy. Work to capitalize on those skills and tell others about your passions and aspirations. Opportunities will present themselves when others know.

Don’t let your degree hold you back. Never stop learning new skills. Request positions across the company leveraging your skills to enhance your expertise.

Communicate openly with your manager. Develop a relationship with your boss so you can comfortably discuss your career and how it impacts your family.

Identify and reflect on weekly priorities. Take time at the beginning of the week to identify top priorities and then reflect at the end of the week.

Recognize accomplished goals. And identify distractions that have kept you from goals. Don’t be afraid to ask for help, and continuously refocus your true goals.

Let yourself off the hook. Things don’t always go as planned. Instead of beating yourself up, give yourself permission to let it go and move on.

Enjoy a little spontaneity. It doesn’t have to be all about planning and structure. Be flexible enough to jump on an opportunity if it presents itself.

Stay organized at home. It’s always easier to leave for work when you’re organized at home. Institute a weekly meeting to plan meals, date nights, child care, travel and such.

Seek help from working parents. Take a minute to look around. Set up lunch with another working parent to swap ideas and advice.

Mentor and give back. Relationship building is always worth the investment of time. And when we feel more connected at work we are more successful.

Managing life-work integration as a mother is always easier when your company offers flexible work solutions and great benefits, so be selective. Research and ask questions and make sure that any company you consider working with truly has an inclusive culture.

My entire career has been at Capital One, which provides associates with award-winning benefits, training, healthcare and recognition programs. I am so very grateful for the environment where I get to work. One benefit I’m especially proud of is our recent increase in maternity leave to 18 weeks and paternity/secondary parent leave to 12 weeks, in addition to our adoption/foster care leave. For this and so many other reasons, I’m proud of Capital One’s consistent recognition on Fortune’s 100 Best Places to Work For and the Working Mother 100 Best Companies lists. I encourage all working moms to find the culture that not only accepts them as mothers but also celebrates the value all parents bring to the workplace.

Courtesy: Melissa McDevit, workingmother.comFor more of such news feeds, visit https://kiddylanes.com/blogs/newsVisit www.kiddylanes.com for kids stuff shopping

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Let's Learn How To Make Kids Responsive

Kids are experiential learners. They learn what they experience. The first teacher or mentor for every kids are their parents and their way of interaction together as well as with Kids has huge impact on child's behavior. The chemistry between mom and dad makes this learning phenomenal. Every child first learns the language of his mom and dad irrespective of the region and academics. So altogether interaction between the family members as well as with them, make the kids to learn and experience conversation responsiveness.

The WAY we talk to our kids has a huge impact on their learning and ability to listen to us. We are constantly modeling to our kids how to act and behave and the way we talk to them fits right into this category. The way we speak to them and those around us is showing them how we want them to speak back to us. I have found that there are generally three different ways that parents communicate with their kids. The first one is in an aggressive way. These parents yell a lot, put their kids down and use attacking words. Their children respond in many different ways, mainly by playing up a lot more, feeling fearful, yelling back and ignoring their parents’ constant orders.

The second form of communication commonly seen is a passive form. These parents mutter soft, cautious words and tones to their kids finding that they run riot and walk all over them. Unfortunately these parents are so passive that sometimes when they are pushed to their limits, they suddenly turn their communication into an aggressive tone. Lastly the third way that parents can communicate with their kids is in an assertive way. This is what I have found to be by far the most effective way to communicate with kids at all levels. An assertive way of communicating is firm, consistent, clear, positive, warm and confident. Communicating with kids in an assertive way is a real skill yet it shows your kids that mum and dad know what they’re going on about and to listen.

Here are 20 top tips for improving the WAY we talk to our kids:

Use your child’s name. Your own name is music to your ears. Our kids are no different, plus it helps to get their attention before delivering your message. eg “George, please go and get……..”. Young children can often only concentrate on one thing at a time. Call your child’s name until you have their attention before you speak. Eg “Helen”. (Wait until she stops kicking the ball and looks at you.) “Lunch will be ready in ten minutes”.

Use positive language– try not to being saying “no” or “don’t” all of the time. There is no doubt that if we say “Don’t drop that glass” or “No running inside” or “Don’t drag your coat in the dirt” your child has that image and thought imbedded in their mind and more times than not, they will drop the glass!Instead, try to word what you want them to do. Eg “Only walking inside please” or “Hold onto that glass, it is a special one” or “Hold the coat up so it doesn’t drag”. This requires much thought and practice but is well worth the effort.Try to eliminate words you use that may be ridiculing (“You’re being a big baby.”), name-calling (“You’re a really bad boy.”), and shaming (“I was so ashamed of you today”). This type of language achieves very little except leaving your child feeling worthless. Kids will often cut off communication with those who use these words with them and begin to develop a poor self-concept. Positive and kind words give your child more confidence, makes them feel happier, helps them behave better, encourages them to try hard and achieve success. They learn to imitate you and deliver the same respect and praise to others. Examples of positive words are: “I like to way you remembered to pack up your toys”, “Thank you for helping me clean up this mess”, “You tried so hard to share your things with your sister, it made me feel really happy”.

Connect with your child with eye contact. You may need to get down to their level or sit at the table with them. When you are chatting with your kids, this shows them also what they should do. Not only is it good manners, it helps you to listen to each other.Say your child’s name until you get their eye contact, especially before giving them a direction. It is important that they give you their attention, and you should model the same behaviour for them.

Use volume appropriately – When in the classroom teaching, I used to have a class next door to me whose teacher always yelled. The kids used to put in their earplugs and eventually stopped listening at all. The teacher was always trying to yell over the noise of the kids, what a nightmare!The same applies for at home, don’t ever compete with a yelling child. When they have calmed down, then talk. If you use the volume of your voice appropriately for the majority of the time, raising your voice in an urgent situation should not be ignored. They will sit up and take notice because it doesn’t happen all of the time. Yelling orders or directions from another room may also fall on deaf ears after a while, for example yelling “Turn off the TV now please Chad” or “Hurry up and get dressed” from the kitchen gives the impression that you’re busy and not too serious. Walking into the room, joining in for a minute or two and waiting for the commercial break will go down with far more cooperation. You are modeling respectful behavior to start with and you have come to them with your direction, so they know you mean it!

Suggest options and alternatives – When you want your kids to cooperate with you, it is far easier if they can understand why they need them to do something and how it is to their advantage to do so. They need to see the importance of following your directions. For example, “When you get dressed, you may go outside with Daddy”, “Which jumper would you like to put on, the red one or the blue one?”, “When you do your homework, you can then watch tv”, “Which book would you like to read, this one or that one?” “When you are dressed for school, you may then play with your toys”. By adopting words like “when” and “which” makes the child feel as though they have choices, even though there is no room for negotiation. This works far better than using “if” words. Also, try to include your child in helping you solve a problem. For example, instead of saying “Don’t leave your toy trucks out there”, try saying “George, think about where you should store your toy trucks so they’re in a safe place, come and tell me when you’ve decided on a good spot.” Try to offer alternatives rather than saying a straight out “no” or “don’t”. For example “You can’t get the paints out just now, but you could draw with the crayons instead”.

Keep it simple– Young kids have trouble following too many directions given at once. We can probably relate to that when we ask someone for directions to a destination and are bombarded with instructions we later forget. Try to stagger your requests into small blocks. Eg instead of saying, “Helen, go and pack up your toys, but first put your dirty shoes outside and then feed the cat”. Chances are, Helen will feed the cat then go outside to play because feeding the cat is the last thing she remembers you asking. Even though we want to improve our communication with our kids, be preceptive to their level of interest in the conversation. If they are getting the blank stare, call it quits. If you feel as though you’re waffling on, try to use a more direct approach next time you visit the subject.

Keep away from nagging – At the end of each school day, I wanted the children in my class to tidy the room before home time. I felt that they should learn to tidy up after themselves and take pride in their room. I knew that if I went around asking each child to pick up their rubbish, wipe their desks, empty the rubbish bins, and clean the sink nothing would get done. So I created a job chart. Each job had a child’s name next to it and I showed it to them at the start of each week. I would rotate the jobs weekly to avoid monotony. I explained that five minutes before home time each day it would be “job time”. Just before the bell, I would walk around the room and pick which job or jobs were completed to perfection. That child or children would receive a bonus or prize. My room was immaculate each day and I hardly had to say a thing! This can work well at home too. Either writing things down or having a chart with incentives in place, eliminate lots of nagging. It is important to make sure you recognize and praise effort, and reward desired behaviour. Try to set a time where kids know what is expected. They thrive on routines. For example, set a time to do their chores in the afternoons. When they are playing they don’t like to be interrupted, just as much as we don’t when reading a good book. If they know what is expected and when you shouldn’t have to nag all of the time.

Model and expect good manners– Good manners at home or anywhere shouldn’t be optional. If you model good manners to your children and everyone else, they will see that good manners is expected and displayed on a consistent level. Start teaching your children to say the basics like “please” and “thank you” before they can talk. Children deserve the common courtesy of manners that adults use with each other. They will often imitate the speech and behaviour of their parents and carers. Say “please”, “thank you” and “you’re welcome” to your kids as you would anyone else.

Be gentle but firm – if you have made your decision about something, stick to it. Make sure you and your partner agree on the issue and stay united on your decision. Your kids may not like the decision at the time, but they will know it stands firm and won’t bother persisting with either of you or playing one parent off against the other. Make your requests important and speak as though you mean it. Requesting made in a wishy-washy tone gives kids the impression you are not that concerned whether they follow your request or not.

Ask open-ended questions – If you want to get your kids to think more and open their minds, you need to ask them open-ended questions. That is, questions that are not answered with a simple ‘yes’ or ‘no’ answer. They are invitations to say more, and share their ideas and feelings. For example, instead of asking “Did you enjoy Peter’s party today?” you could ask “What was the best part of Peter’s party today?” Respond to their ideas to show them you are interested in what they have to say and that they are important to you eg “Really?”, “I understand.” “What about…” “That is interesting”.child not listening to parent

Check for understanding – if you find that your child is not responding to your requests or getting confused by your instructions or conversations, remember to check for their understanding before moving on to the next topic. Ask them to repeat what you have said. If they can’t, you know that it is too long or complicated for them to understand. Try to rephrase your choice of words with shorter and simpler sentences.

Explain what you want with “I” messages – When asking your child to do something, you will receive a greater response by explaining what you want in terms of thoughts and feelings by sending “I messages”. This is far more effective than using orders or sending “you messages”. It lets your child know how their behavior makes you feel. Kids sometimes don’t consider how their behaviour will affect others. By using this strategy, it may help them give more consideration to their actions and it gives them more responsibility to change their behavior. For example “I would like you to come over here please” instead of “Come over here” or “I would like you to give Oliver a turn please” instead of “Give Oliver a turn!” It is a softer approach and children who are willing to please will respond to this type of language. Explaining how you feel also helps kids to see why they should comply. For example “When you run away from mummy in the store I feel worried because you could get lost”. Use “when you…. I feel….because….” words.

Give notice – If your child is fully engrossed with something or an activity and it is time to move on or leave. Give them some advance warning so they get used to the idea. For example “George, it is nearly time to go. Start saying good-bye to the puppy please”.

Use enquiry-based listening – Show your kids that they have your full attention and you care enough to listen to them. Reading the paper, vacuuming and working on the computer are too distracting to give your kids your full attention. If you really cannot talk at that point, don’t pretend to be listening. Promise them a time when you can listen and be sure to follow through. Show that you are interested in what they have to say by using inquiry based listening. This is when you respond to them with words that encourage more conversation. For example “Sounds like you’re saying…….” Or “How did that make you feel?” or “Do you mean……?”

Make time for one-on-one conversations – This is especially important if there is quite an age gap between your kids. Sometimes older siblings talk over the top of the younger ones, and sometimes the younger ones just prefer to let the older siblings do all the talking. Conversations with older siblings can sometimes be over and above the younger kids level of communication. Plus older siblings require stimulating conversations where they can learn and inquire for more information. Therefore, try to get some one-to-one time with your siblings alone at different times so you can really talk at their level and use appropriate vocabulary. It might just be while walking to the park, reading a book together before bed, or driving to get an ice cream. It doesn’t have to be structured time, but make quality use of opportunities as they arise.

Don’t sweat the small stuff. By all means, enforce your serious rules firmly, but try not to sweat the small stuff. Often times kids will tune out from listening to their parents if they tend to lecture over little things a lot. For example, telling your child what they “ought” to be doing all the time will eventually fall on deaf ears. They are not thinking for themselves what they ought to be doing because they are always being told. For example, instead of saying, “You must listen to your teacher at school, or else you won’t understand”. Try to use an approach where they can think for themselves what they should do. Use inquiry based questioning such as “What do you find hard to understand at school? Why do you think you find this difficult? What could you do in class to learn more from your teacher?” With this approach you are able to have a more connected discussion where the child has to think of a resolution and strategy for improving their behavior or problem. When you do need to enforce a more serious rule that is not negotiable, your kids are more likely to listen.

Be considerate. Think about the way that you talk to your friends. Then think about the way you speak to your kids. Is it with the same consideration and tone? More wonderful relationships with kids would develop if adults gave as much thought and consideration talking to their kids as they do when talking to their friends.

Show acceptance. When you show your kids that you accept and love them just the way they are despite their differences, they will be more likely to share their feelings and problems with you. They will know that as they grow and change, you will be there for them no matter what. We do not have to accept inappropriate behavior such as violence or teasing. We can however accept and love our kids as they are by their character, personality and individual interests. For example: Oliver says “Mum, I am feeling scared to go to bed”. A response to encourage more communication would be: “That’s okay Oliver. I will leave the door open and turn on your night light. I will pop in later to check on you”. A poor response would be: “Don’t be a big cry baby Oliver. You’re old enough to know better than that. Only baby boys get scared!”

Don’t interrupt. Try not to interrupt of scold your kids when they are telling you a story. Kids will lose interest in sharing their feelings with you if you shift away from their story and use the time to teach them a lesson. For example, Henry came home really excited from Sally’s place and started to tell his mother all about the great time he had playing down by the dam. His mother rudely interrupted his story and began to lecture him on the dangers of playing around water. Henry didn’t finish his story and thought twice about sharing his experiences with his mother the next time. Henry’s mother certainly should remind him of the rule about playing near water and ensuring there is an adult present, but at another time or at least when he has finished his story.

Make conversation a priority with your kids. Open and comfortable communication with your kids develops confidence, self-esteem, good relationships with others, cooperation and warm relationships with you. Take the time and effort to foster your relationship and communication skills by talking with your kids as much as you can. Remember that talking with kids is a two way street. Talk with them and then hear what they have to say. Listening is just as important as talking.

Courtesy: childdevelopmentinfo.com

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