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kimberlyborelli · 20 days

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How I'm doing now?

Well...I suffer from PTSD...

But I'm doing a bit better now. I have a job and studying now.

But the facility wasn't the reason.

Sadly it's not always possible to look behind closed doors what is actually going on.

It's so easy to create a lovely attitude and pretend an inviting atmosphere.

Also such conditions were normalized.

But it's not normal to experience: Solitary confinement, emotional neglect, threats, no privacy, restraints, time-out.

After a few months without any medications my hallucinations and paranoia faded completely.

#breaking code silence #emotional abuse #germany #tw abuse

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kimberlyborelli · 22 days

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My Story:

As a child I experienced already a lot.

September 2014: I started to visit a different school. I struggled with learning, my chronical sickness and bullying.

Winter 2014: I started to visit the social worker & counsler at school because my problems turned out worse. But sadly these counseling sessions weren't helpful at all. I had to visit a psychiatrist for further treatment. It was tried to fix my problems but sadly it wasn't helpful. I developed suicidal thoughts because I was that frustrated. The psychiatrist decided to try some medications. The psychiatrist explained. The first two weeks it could show some side effects. But two weeks after I took the first pill: I developed a serious rare side effect. My parents asked the psychiatrist but she just said: It will pass by soon. But the issue didn't passed by...It got worse.

Autumn 2015: I had a mental breakdown on my way to school. I was sent to a hospital by the ambulance and received tranquelizers to be more compliant. In the hospital I was in a strong delirium. A psychiatrist was talking to me and said: I should be sent to a therapeutic facility.

At the facility (third floor, the secluded ward): The bathrooms were locked. Everytime when someone had to use the bathroom we had to ask for permission and wait til it's unlocked. But often there were times where the staff refused to unlock the door. No makeup was allowed. Also there were some patients who were treated better. I wasn't allowed to have hair ties in my room. In both floors where I was spent my time there was the rule of Silence Time (stay in your room and remain silent). Also books were controlled. I spent the first days in solitary confinement (I was allowed to leave my room and talk to others after the isolation. But it was monitored about topics. When you critized the staff you got punished.) Shaving wasn't allowed. Deodorants weren't allowed. Questions/Suggestions were ignored by the staff. Once I had a short anxiety episode some of the staff made fun of me. The only right ting what they did: To stop my medications. At the third floor I didn't received any therapy (They told my parents I'm attending a program). The only situation where I had something therapy-related I'd got a questionaire. I also was told being too fat for having an ED. Well, I was underweight. I was once allowed to attend a group activity at the third floor. It was about crafting. After I left the room, one of the staff teared my crafting work apart and threw it away.

First floor, ward with "less stricter" rules: After over one week where I tried to behave. I was shifted to the first floor. I shared my room with a girl (and we became friends). Also the staff noticed that and weren't happy about that. We both were in seperate classes in school. The classes were more like: Just do something school related and try to look busy. We both had seperate therapy programs. In the "silence time" we were in our room together. But we just talked and didn't cared about the rule. One hour before bedtime you have to be in your room and remain silent to get ready for bed. We both had different bedtimes. But mostly I went with her in our room and we still chatted together during she got ready for bed. During bedtime we weren't allowed to talk. But we still talked to each other and we got scolded and punished once. The bathroom got locked next time. I was shifted to another room and I was forced to sleep on the floor. She was shifted to a single room and was in solitary confinement. At the first floor I received some therapy. The group therapy was very strange. We received a behavior diagram and it was used for behavior modification.

The Ending: At the end my parents got me out finally. The staff tried to sent me to another facility. My therapist told me and my parents were too overwhelmed and want to send me away. And to my parents he told: I don't want to see my parents anymore.

#breaking code silence #tw abuse #child abuse #emotional abuse #tw gaslighting #psych ward #troubled teen industry #germany

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kimberlyborelli · 22 days

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Researches Part 2

March 13, 2024:

I did part 2 of my research progress.

I read the reviews about that facility:

June 8, 2021: Only the illness counts and not you as person.

October 7, 2020: Staff wasn't friendly nor trained. No understanding of illness related behavior. Station was far too narrow for 10 people. Had to sleep on the floor. Anorexic had to walked up and down the narrow hallway.

May 12, 2020: I was there for six months. I wasn't allowed to leave my room. I also had to eat my meals alone in my room. I was only allowed to shower and go to the toilet if I was accompanied. If I behaved incorrectly, I received punishments. I self-harmed a lot in the beginning just to finally get out of my room. Worst time of my life.

WTF!

Why they get away with this?!

#child abuse #tw abuse #emotional abuse #breaking code silence

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kimberlyborelli · 23 days

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Researches

On March 12, 2024: I started to do researches about the facility, where I was sent to several years ago.

The facility is still running and is still offering programs for children and teenagers.

In the first phase I started with researches.

I started to look at the website of this facility...

#breaking code silence #emotional abuse #tw abuse #child abuse #troubled teen industry #germany

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kimberlyborelli · 24 days

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Me, aafter watching the program

Sadly these programs exists all around the world. I'm from Germany and was sent to a similar program several years ago. Still having nightmares and flashbacks...

#breaking code silence #tw abuse #emotional abuse

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kimberlyborelli · 2 months

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