littlestjoonies

[littlestjoonies]

i guess im back to my old ways, so im posting this kind of body check for myself, to know where im starting from again

#eating disoder things #body dysmorphia #anamia #to be thin #ed but not sheeran #th1n$po #4n0rexic #4n4m14 #4n4m1a #4n4r3x1a #those hips #hip bone #body check #th11n$po

[littlestjoonies]

early victorian whiskey decanter set (1841).

[littlestjoonies]

i was not built for college but unfortunately i was also not built for anything else

[littlestjoonies]

people say that eds are terrible and terrifying, but I've been in mine for so long that it's comforting more than anything else. there's something safe about scrolling through thinspo, something about body checks that feels like a hug, something about the empty feeling that feels like home. idk. i just know I'm not ready to let go of that yet.

[littlestjoonies]

Today i wanted to cry so badly, but couldn’t do it freely, cause i was at work, but it rained pretty much my entire shift and i felt like the sky was crying for me

[littlestjoonies]

I feel that life with a chronic illness is basically just trying to get back to our baseline. We experience setbacks, take weeks to recover, and we are finally at our baseline for a few days only to experience a situation that causes another health decline. Then the cycle restarts again.

People don't understand that it takes so much energy that is already deprived, to crawl your way back to your baseline so that you can be semi-fuctional only to be hit with another setback.

So when people say that we should try harder at getting better, it's really upsetting because we are trying our best just to function. And it is so tiring.

[littlestjoonies]

i’m off my depression meds for 3 weeks now and it would’ve been perfect if it didn’t make me gain weight

tbh i didn’t even know how much i gained, cause im too afraid to step on a scale but i see the difference and, that’s the worse, all my pants barely fit me

fuck this shit honestly

#eating disoder things #fuck my life #mental breakdown #mental illnes things #body dysmorphia #anamia #to be thin #lose weight #not pro only using tags #weight loss #tw weight

[littlestjoonies]

that’s enough emotions for a whole year. ciao

[littlestjoonies]

my psychiatrist isn’t completely sure, but she is close to diagnosing me with bipolar disorder

at this point i’m collecting mental illnesses like they’re fucking Pokémon

#mental illnes things #mental disease #depression #depressed #eating disoder things #bpd things #fuck my life #fucking hell #mental breakdown #body dysmorphia #anamia #to be thin #body dismorphic disorder #aneroxia #lose weight #slim #ribs

[littlestjoonies]

Monique Lhuillier S/S 2022

[littlestjoonies]

@domsli22

[littlestjoonies]

@julietfrlv

[littlestjoonies]

i’ve been trying to recover and just wanted to share how my body looks currently idk

#eating disoder things #body dysmorphia #thinspi #anamia #lose weight #slim #collar bones #ribs #to be thin #recovery #ed things #ed tw #ed #ed tumblr #skin and bones #ana #body dismorphic disorder #body check

[littlestjoonies]

You hate yourself so loudly. You hate yourself at the top of your lungs. Your loathing for yourself permeates your speech. “Sorry I’m just rambling.” “Don’t worry about it.” “Just ignore me.” “Sorry if I’m annoying you.” “Sorry I don’t make sense.” “Sorry about that.” Sorry, sorry, sorry. You act as if you have to beat everyone else to the punch. As if the punching bag is you. If you hate yourself first, if you hate yourself loudest, then nobody will hurt you. You clapped your hands over your ears and shut your eyes and balled yourself up so that you’d never have to experience people’s loathing for you. And it meant you never heard their love. You drowned it out. You screamed your hatred over it. And you never got to hear it. 

[littlestjoonies]

[littlestjoonies]

[littlestjoonies]

the only thing im good at is disappointing myself