Bilbo: I think you owe me an apology.
Thorin: I’LL APOLOGIZE TO YOU IN HELL.
Bilbo:
Thorin:
Bilbo:
Thorin: I don’t actually know what this is about. Sorry I took such a hard stance.
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Dis: Kili, can you pass me the onions?
Dis: I mean the carrots! No! The lettuce! No! The forks! No! The fridge!
Fili: Do you mean the salt?
Dis: …yes.
Fili: Also, I'm not Kili.
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Pippin, desperate for an excuse: Um, because....?
Gandalf: Because you lack common sense?
Pippin: Yes. NO!
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Thranduil: Careful, Oakenshield. You wouldn’t like me when I’m angry.
Thorin: It’s courageous of you to imply that I would ever like you at all.
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*ghost sound*
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Legolas: Why’d you agree to this date?
Tauriel: My boyfriend died last year, so I’m just trying to get back into the dating scene, really.
Legolas: Damn, that’s sad.
Legolas: We should use a Ouija board to get his permission to smash.
Tauriel: What the fuck is wrong with you?
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Thorin: It doesn't feel like Christmas.
Bilbo: Maybe we should listen to some Christmas music.
Thorin: That seems a little too Christmas-y.
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HAPPY HOLIDAYS, EVERYONE!! ❤️
Legolas: It’s almost time to switch from our regular weapons to our holiday weapons!
Aragorn: Is there a difference?
Gimli: Yes. The holiday ones light up!
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Fili: Fili. At your service.
Bilbo: Nice to meet you, I’m Bilbo.
Kili: HEY HOW’S IT GOING MAN?
Bilbo: …
Fili: You got a name?
Kili: I'M KILI.
Fili: Is this your first time meeting somebody? Why are you so weird right now?
Kili: YOOOOOO.
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Thranduil: I know how you must feel.
Thorin, doubtfully: Do you??
Thranduil: Lost. Alone. Hopeless.
Thorin: Oh, so, yeah.
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Aragorn: You’ll have to use your instincts.
Frodo: About that… I, uh, don’t have any.
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Arwen: I don't know. What would you do?
Aragorn, instantly: I’d change my name and move to another country.
Arwen:
Aragorn:
Aragorn: But that’s just me.
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Legolas: Maybe Aragorn doesn’t like you! Did you think about that?
Gimli: Yes… that actually did cross my mind…
Gimli: But then I thought “oh, no, he hangs around with Legolas. His standards must be pretty low.”
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Kili: I'm not scared!
Bilbo: Well, I’m scared, and I’m not afraid to admit it.
Bofur: You were admitting it before we left.
Bilbo: Well… I’m not afraid to re-emphasize it.
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Boromir: Why shouldn't you put a toaster in a bathtub full of water?
Pippin: Because then the toast would get all soggy?!
The Hobbits: *cheering*
Boromir: *facepalms*
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Bilbo: It's so dark.
Kili: Don't worry. I got this.
Kili: *stomps foot* *Sketchers light up*
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Aragorn: Lady Galadriel, in your educated opinion, how will I die?
Galadriel: Murder by an angry god. We never find the body.
Aragorn, nodding solemnly: That's a shame.
Pippin, excitedly: What about me?
Galadriel: You crave toast while taking a bath.
Pippin, under his breath: I do love bath snacks.
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