mycptsdstory

[mycptsdstory]

It's okay if you hate your abuser. It's okay if you love your abuser. It's okay if you're indifferent towards your abuser.

[mycptsdstory]

[mycptsdstory]

You don't need everyone to like you. I understand this can be an overwhelming trauma response to being neglected and otherwise hurt as a kid without the comfort and reassurance of our parents. But please try to remember that your worth is not dependent on how many people can love you. You have something much more important and worth protecting-- your heart and soul and mind and spirit. Not everyone you meet in this world is gonna resonate and vibe with you on those same levels. You've got to get comfortable with the concept of being misunderstood or feeling out of place-- and, rather than fawn to fit in, take that as a sign to find the spaces and people who can better appreciate you for it.

[mycptsdstory]

[mycptsdstory]

I just want to sleep the day away, until I feel better. But that's not gonna happen.

My family got away with their attempted murder. They tried to murder me and they got away with it.

I wish I could leave England tomorrow and never go back.

No anxiety meds are helping me with this feeling; my family got away with attempted murder.

No meds will help me right now.

I don't want "thoughts and prayers" or "sending love". I want results.

My family really did get away with attempted murder.

They got away with stalking me, they got away with harassing me. They got away with talking to my friends. They got away when I lost jobs.

They got away with it.

No meds, no prayers, no nothing will get rid of this feeling. The feeling of, my family got away with attempted murder. My family tried to kill me and they got away with it.

I will never accept the reality of "but the police tried to give you justice" HA! My ass they tried. They got away with attempted murder. My family tried to fucking kill me and they got away with it.

#my thoughts #cptsd #c ptsd

[mycptsdstory]

Am I getting justice or not?

I can't have both.

#thoughts #feeling defeated #CPTSD #c ptsd

[mycptsdstory]

what’s best for others might not be best for you, and what’s best for you might not be best for others. and that’s okay. it’s important to understand that it’s okay. we don’t all live the same life.

[mycptsdstory]

So you don't want food stores in Israel because it's "anti Palestine". So you want average people to starve? Got it.

#frespalestine btw. But when you have to boycott every brand... So the average person can't eat. Now that's getting too far.

#Palestine #isreal #boycott israel

[mycptsdstory]

You're valid if you broke the cycle by learning to be a good parent to your kids.

You're valid if you broke the cycle by choosing not to become a parent.

[mycptsdstory]

[mycptsdstory]

You’re valid if you hate your abuser.

You’re valid if you love your abuser.

You’re valid if you miss your abuser.

You’re valid if you’re a mixture of some or all of the above.

[mycptsdstory]

Your trauma is still valid even if the person who caused it didn’t mean to cause it. 

[mycptsdstory]

I finally told my therapist my feelings about this because I just ignored it and pretended everything is fine. When I know it's not.

I tend to do this a lot because these emotions are overwhelming and I can't cope anymore. I just can't. It's hard for me to stay grounded and it's hard for me to stay positive, especially when there's no outcome.

I feel like I'm making it all up because there's no results.

Am I making it up? Should I be on psychosis meds to make me feel better? Am I being delusional? Idk anymore because I haven't heard anything. I just want confirmation. That's it.

I just want something and I'm getting nothing. It's making me feel worse. I cried so much last night. I feel like this will never be resolved and I will never get closure.

I didn't ask for this life. I didn't ask to be born.

I have so many questions and no one is answering them. Just "stay grounded bs". Wtf.

I hate it. I hate it. I fucking hate this fucking shit.

It's making me feel worse everyday.

When I tell people, they normally say "well the police would have done something by now". I'm like I FUCKING KNOW. So why is no one telling me anything? FUCKING WHY?

Idc that I will never go to court. I just want someone to tell me, am I making it all up or not? I can't have both. It can't be both.

I'm so tired and I'm so done.

I'm not doing okay and no one is telling me shit.

Idk what to do anymore

My family have been stalking me for 8 years, nearly 9 at this point. I've already told the cops, I've already reported them. My therapist knows... still nothing is being done about it.

The cops know the sperm donor raped me from the age of 6-16. The cops know I tried to report my family.

The cops know my mother tried to kill me, tried to kill me with poison, that's why I had to leave. My doctors found out and they had to report the police. I had to leave for my safety. I had to escape, there was no option.

The cops know, my mother used her work when she was working with Social services, she got into police files and blackmailed people. Why? For money. My sister, knew. Oh she knew alright and she joined in.

The cops know about my uncle (sperm donors older brother) used his position in the police, to bury my case and other nasty things he's done and all illegal btw. (He was forced to retire back in 2008).

Ever since I left all those years ago, my family goes into my friendship circle and lied about me. Saying I'm this "peadophile who's been convicted. She's this horrible person who abused children." When I don't even have a criminal background... I can legit, take a background check and prove it's clean. I don't need to do that. I don't have to prove that I'm innocent.

I tried, I begged for something to be done about this. I'm so fed up, I'm so drained. I just want it to stop.

I feel like, the reason why I'm so angry, so easily triggered... IS BECAUSE MY FAMILY WON'T LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE.

My cousins continue to stalk me, go into my friendship circle and say lies about me. Even talking to my neighbours and saying "she's a peadophile. Better watch out". WHEN I HAVEN'T DONE ANYTHING WRONG.

All I can do right now, is wait to move to America, give up my UK citizenship and never come back. I'm at my wit's end. I feel like I'm not being listened too, the people around me have failed me.

And no, i tried calling a solicitor and a lawyer and they don't fucking help.

My family still stalk me, my own EX friends think I'm this horrible person, when I did nothing wrong.

It's hard to stay positive. I don't want "sending love" or "sending prayers". I want results. It's like I'm begging for a miracle that won't even happen.

I lost jobs, I lost friends, I lost financially because of this.

Idk what to do anymore.

I'm so done

#stalking #tw stalking #stalker #stalkers #cptsd #c ptsd #cptsdhealing #living with cptsd #cptsd vent #cptsd problems #cptsd thoughts #actually cptsd #just cptsd things #tw cptsd #actually ptsd #cptsd tag

[mycptsdstory]

NO MEANS NO but so does: “i don’t feel like it” “not right now” “i’m not sure” “i’m not comfortable with this” “i don’t like that” “let’s just chill”

[mycptsdstory]

[mycptsdstory]

Your trauma is valid, even if you made mistakes that weren't always kind.

[mycptsdstory]

You're valid if you're jealous of people who haven't experienced trauma like yours.