peace-and-light-poetry

[peace-and-light-poetry]

Since 3:30am

She was exhausted She got up exceptionally early And couldn't go back to sleep

She'd bemoan this, certainly. But such is existence

This would be fine otherwise If she didn't have work that day

She didn't eat much No, her appetite was lacking And she was figthting slumber

As she worked

She'd go to bed early Earlier than when she'd usually sleep.

#completed 4/23/2024 #reality subtext #written on the fly #exhausted #yes this happened #working from home #free-verse #short poem

[peace-and-light-poetry]

Kiyoko

I dubbed this child "Kiyoko". She was no more than two when she made her way into my life. The idea was unexpected but my allowing her a presence to stay was even more unexpected. I couldn't exactly explain why but things seemed to fit together, after she came along.

It all started on a rainy day, when I went outside to check the mail, finding her asleep. She was rather small, smaller than any toddler I've seen, her hair was messy, she was pale, seemingly bruised and she wasn't dressed properly, wearing rather dirty and ragged clothes. Certainly, I didn't know what else to do but I couldn't just leave her outside and whoever her parents were certainly didn't care about her. As I carried her inside, it didn't take long for her to awake and, when she did, she promptly buried herself in my arms, craving warmth, something she seemed to be missing. I briefly made eye contact with her, as I was sitting her down on the sofa, and the little thing just smiled and threw her arms up the moment she was on it. "I take it that you'd want to be picked up." I said, obliging her.

There was something about me that she was drawn to. I couldn't imagine exactly what the child was drawn to, even more as Little Sister candidly put it, I am not the most softest or easily approachable person to be around. The little one thought differently, as she was happy to be in my presence, wrapped in my arms. Thinking of this, I wondered as to how her parents could be so cruel and, within, I felt a bitter rage, however, in feeling that rage, I felt a sense of duty. If her parents weren't up to the task of caring for her properly, then I may as well. I wasn't sure how to care for a child but I told myself that I'd learn how and that it had to start somewhere. It would start with giving the little one a name. I couldn't think of too many names but "Kiyoko" made the most sense, so I dubbed her "Kiyoko".

That was the first step and the second step was feeding her. I wasn't sure of what she could eat, so I settled on porridge since she seemed a bit emaciated and probably couldn't handle food that wasn't soft. As I predicted, she was famished as she ate it quicker than I would've thought. Thankfully, she didn't vomit it up. Of course, that left the subject of keeping her clean. She was too young to be toilet trained and probably didn't have much digestive control yet, so I had to find diapers. I recalled that Little Sister would often use my house for when she babysat and so there were supplies, so that problem was sorted. She still needed clothes and I didn't have anything that fit, though, a little sewing didn't hurt.  There, now, she was fed, cleaned, and, from what I gathered, pretty settled, smiling and cooing at me along the way.

That was four months ago and, by now, I had grown more used to caring for her and providing for her needs. Getting and keeping custody wasn't particularly hard, as the authorities couldn't locate her parents (good riddance), considering the state she was in, and that the little one was very keen on staying with me. Legally, I'm considered her "mother" but I didn't much care for being called that, so I became "Auntie". I'll always be "Auntie", as "Mama" or its variants carry far too much weight and call to mind of terrible memories, so I'm "Auntie". As stated before, the idea of taking on guardianship of a child was unexpected and the others were in disbelief.

  "Alright, Sis, I have to admit, this feels a little bizarre, people wouldn't peg you as the motherin' type." Ryuuko told me. I conceded to that but I reminded her that I am Kiyoko's "auntie". That confused Ryuuko more and asked her why I was having her refer to me as "Auntie" because the idea didn't make sense to her, even more because Kyoko couldn't say that name.

"Because I'm not comfortable with the word 'mother' or any variants of that title. It's a title I connect with my worse memories and carries far more weight, so I have her call me 'Auntie' instead."

"Okay, I'll bite, why'd you take her in?"

"I'm not really sure, to be honest, but the little darling gravitated to me pretty quickly and wouldn't let go."

"How did ya' even meet her?"

"I found her on my porch on a rainy morning. I couldn't just leave her there, so I brought her inside. As I've said before, she took to me immediately."

"Do you even know her birthday or how old she is?"

"No, but I think we'll celebrate the day I found her instead and that she's about two years old."

"This still doesn't feel real, Sis."

"You'll get used to her and, eventually, it'll be like she was always here."

"Do you even know how to be a mom, Sats?"

"Not quite but I'm willing to learn what isn't instinctive."

At that moment, I heard Kiyoko calling with her pronunciation of the word "embrace." before climbing into my lap, saying, "Tauntie!" I would make a point to tell Ryuuko that I didn't consider the thought of nor did I know that I wanted children, until I met Kiyoko because I knew she'd mention that I've never spoken about children or the idea of them before. I knew I've wanted a family, of course, I just hadn't factored children into the idea until currently. As we conversed more, Kiyoko decided to crawl into Ryuuko's lap. "Well, it seems that she likes you."

"Huh?"

"She's usually so shy but she crawled into your lap. She wouldn't crawl into your lap if she didn't feel safe enough to do it."

"Okay, if you're called 'Auntie', what does that make me?"

"I'm thinking whatever she designates for you. Her bond with me is unique, so I've designated myself with the name 'Auntie', while, in your case, she'll have something more unique to call you."

"Hmmm."

"See? I told you it'll be like she was always here."

Nonon was still skeptical. Adoption or the concept wasn't something she was familiar with and asked me if there was something about the little one I didn't know, providing a hypothetical about medical history, to which I said, "Well, the doctors told me she's shown signs of being physically abused, that she was malnourished, and that she's likely to walk with a slight limp due to one her bones healing from an untreated break."

"What if her parents want her back?"

"I don't think that'd be an issue. The authorities couldn't locate her parents and, if they wanted her, they would not have mistreated her in the first place. Besides, if they try to reclaim her, no court would agree to it, as she's been adopted and is under the Kiryuuin registry. She's an orphan, as far legalities go."

"Is having a baby something you can even juggle?"

"Hmm, I think I can manage. Kiyoko takes priority and, if I need a bit of respite, I'll have Ryuuko watch her, as she feels safe enough with her."

"Don't you think she'll ask questions?"

"Yes, and I'll give matter-of-fact age appropriate answers, regardless, I'll remind her that she's loved."

That bit stuck with Nonon and, before she could ask, I flatly responded, "Nonon, I, Satsuki Kiryuuin, have much love to give, and Kiyoko is quite loved, you see." I reminded her about Ryuuko and the Mankanshokus, explaining that my adoption of Kiyoko wasn't any different, because a family is a family. Privately, I wondered if Nonon was jealous and, if she was, I'd make absolute sure she'd keep that to herself.

  At one point, Houka offered to help find her parents, rather, something more about her, to which I told him, "Her parents were so cruel to her in these first two years of her life, so it's good riddance they're absent from her life. If they want to take her back, it'd only be because I'm wealthy, and, to be honest, if she wants to know more about herself, then she's free to try to find out more when she's old enough."

"How would you feel if she were to?"

"I'd be supportive but I wouldn't hold it against her. I know, deep within, she'll always be my baby, and I love her all the same."

  Uzu wondered how I could be so patient with her crying, to which I told him, "She's about two and can't talk fluently yet. She doesn't cry too much, as she's found other ways of communicating, just resorting to crying when she feels those ways aren't working." I explained that I have more of a reason to be more patient with her, as she's quite young, while he, Ryuuko, Mako, and the rest of the Four are old enough to behave I can have higher expectations with. Personally, I hadn't really liked loud noises, much less high pitched ones, however, Kiyoko is still so young, so working around it is something I managed to do.

   Mako took to the idea of Kiyoko immediately and, like with Ryuuko, Kiyoko seemed to gravitate to her immediately. To her, this new playmate is interesting and can be just as energetic as she is. Ryuuko, or, as she'd call her, "Smooch" is someone's lap she'd sit in but Mako is someone who could match her antics, someone she could have a romp with, when I haven't too much the energy on a day that I would otherwise.

Gamagoori opted to be supportive of the idea, even if he didn't quite understand. Kiyoko seemed to take to him, too, an interesting connection born from curiosity. She marveled at how small she seemed to be in comparison to him, as it seemed that she could be held in the palm of his hand, her little hands wrapped around his fingers and trailing after him, trying to gauge how tall he is. Surely, he still held onto some habits from our Honnouji days, opting to address her as "Lady Kiyoko".

   Iori was still much unsure. He told me as much, to which I told him what I told Nonon and Ryuuko. "Shiro, I knew I've wanted a family, however, I didn't know I wanted children, until I met Kiyoko. Eventually, it'll be like she's always been here." I told him. His rather serious expression turned into surprise and he asked me as to how many children I wanted.

"That's a rather silly question."

"Well, you said you didn't know you wanted children until you adopted Kiyoko."

"I haven't decided on that, to be honest, however, I think I'd opt for adoption, as opposed to giving birth, supposing I'm able to."

"Have you thought about marriage?"

"It's been a passing thought, really."

"Are you afraid Kiyoko will leave?"

"As her guardian, I'm supposed to raise her with the love, care, and guidance she'll need when she grows up and goes out into the world. It'll be bittersweet when that time comes, but, until then, I'm here and she's with me, a journey we both share."

"....."

"Some would think I'd expect a reward for adopting her but, if anyone were wondering, I'd say my reward for my care of her is seeing her happy, healthy, and thriving, a far cry from the mistreated little one I found my porch that day."

"If you could meet her parents, what would you say?"

"I'll be civil but I'd ask them as to how they could be so cruel to someone so loving and innocent. I'd tell them that I am grateful that they brought her into this world but I despise them for their cruelty. I'd remind them that their cruelty didn't win because she's loved and she thrives."

"Will you let her call you 'Mama' someday?"

"Perhaps, when she's much older and that's only if she decides, until then, I am 'Auntie' and I can't picture my life without her."

As I spoke, I thought about how things had become since Kiyoko came into my life. I remembered how she burrowed herself in my arms, how she wanted to be held, how I comforted her when the doctors stuck the IVs in, how I'd stay up through the night to ensure she could sleep so soundly or how I'd arise especially early to be there when she awakes, how she wailed when they tried to put her with a temporary guardian for the interim, how she greets me in that songbird voice of hers, how she's soothed when she listens to my heartbeat, how she tries to converse though most of it's babble, how she's easily entertained, and how, while I didn't know how to set right any wrong in the world, I did make Kiyoko's world a better place, starting with saving her life.

As I recalled, I wondered if, from within, I felt that "mother" was a title I had to earn and my unease towards being dubbed "Mother" came from that. Ragyo was Ryuuko's and my mother but she didn't live up to that title in any stretch of the word, though Ryuuko did get a substitute mother in the form of Sukuyo. The woman's sweetness, patience, and care is something I have yet to get used to but I do know that she's a role model for motherhood. Perhaps, if I shall need it, I'll ask Mrs. Mankanshoku for advice.

Thinking of Mrs. Mankanshoku, I opted to introduce Mako's parents to Kiyoko, since Mako talked so much about her. I knew they could love Kiyoko, too, seeing how she wasn't as shy in greeting them. No, her curiosity overrode her shyness, eagerly approaching these new people in her life, saying, "Embrace!", not shying or protesting when obliged. Cohesively, in a short span of time, Kiyoko gained a family.

I would suppose, in thinking and caring for her, this would be healing for me as well. I didn't realize it at the time but I suppose I would when she asked for the teddy bear on my bed. For some time, I couldn't really sleep (as well) without it but, for some reason, without a second thought, I ended up giving it to her to ease her sleep one stormy night. I couldn't quite put together why I was able to sleep well that night but I would suppose that I could rest assured that Kiyoko has several elements of a childhood. I didn’t have a childhood but I found more ha

#ran out of things to post #fanfiction #one shot fic #kill la kill #canon divergence #kill la kill au #headlacanon #headcanon

[peace-and-light-poetry]

platforming palestinian joy is just as important as sharing the suffering they're enduring during this genocide. despite continued displacement and bombardment, you cannot steal their joy and spirit. happy birthday to this sweet baby 🖤🇵🇸 may they grow up to see a free palestine

[peace-and-light-poetry]

Liberation

She prayed for liberation

She's entertained a dynamic One that wasn't good for her And that she's entertained it for too long

Far too long Than what her sanity should have allowed

This dynamic held her by a chain Unseen shackles and she felt bound Those chains had to be broken

Otherwise, she'd break (in more ways than one)

These shackles will be broken And her guilt will subside But, mostly, she'd feel free

She prayed for liberation For freedom from these shackles For what's needed

She two decades and seven singular years old And, now, her existence begins.

#reality subtext #written on the fly #free-verse #short poem #musings #idle poem #dysfunctional family #breaking the chain #liberation #praying #written 4/22/2024

[peace-and-light-poetry]

Six Years

She was upset with her Her grandmother And she knew it'll pass

However, her feelings were just

Grandma is well-meaning She knew this but there's a line

She remembered that she went the big "NC" And she remembered when

Broken trust takes years to heal And, still, it's not completely mended But it was enough to sever ties

She's let Grandma back in After some time

Some wounds tore anew Grandma is well-meaning but there's a line And Grandma crossed it

(once again)

She won't cut her off again, no But she'd gray rock her

Loving and forgiving From a distance.

#free-verse #reality subtext #written on the fly #short poem #musings #venting #Grandma #dysfunctional family #gray rock #no contact #companion poem #boundaries #written 4/18/2024 #my heart hurts

[peace-and-light-poetry]

"What day is it?"

She's forgetful She's aware of this Musing that, if she were senile,

It'd be fine (as there'd be not much difference)

Today she forgot what day it was Mixing it up with other days Right down to the day number

She's self-aware Self-aware enough to not mind slipping However, she wondered

Idly, if something was wrong With her brain functions

However, she probably didn't want to know

Regardless, she's forgetful And wondering what day it was.

#reality subtext #free-verse #written on the fly #short poem #musings #memory problems #ill girl #written 4/17/2024

[peace-and-light-poetry]

"How many years?"

""How many years would it have been?"

She was asked this So far, only once Time is quite relative

It seemed like such a short time ago But, really, a significant amount has passed She'd answer this question

After realizing how many years it's been "Five years."

It had been five years Since that day

She wasn't completely well No, of course not, but she is getting better No one said "recovery" is something

That'll end

She "closer to well' Than she was yesterday

Some days, she faltered Other days, she had much improved But, still, she's getting better

With more good days Outnumbering her bad days She smiles more, nowadays

Before, she seemed so miserable

Sister sleeps a little better She still has nightmares but She's been sleeping a little better

She's not been so self-conscious About answering the question Nor the scars

(she used to hide them with bracelets)

It had been five years That she was pulled from that sea of red Five years that

She got help (or, specifically, admitted she's ill)

If she had succeeded, it would have been five years That she passed away

She was saved And, thus, she lived That day getting further

And further behind them

Looking at her now It seems practically unbelievable that She was so distressed

Unbelievable That she tried to end her life However, it was just as unbelievable

That she'd be smiling and laughing That her eyes would have life in them (that it started to return)

It had been five years Since she spiraled

She's still healing Healing is an ongoing process But she's much better than what she was then

Five years ago, She wouldn't have had the confidence But, currently, she was glowing

Radiant, a new lease on life.

She was broken But she's still beautiful She's not ashamed of her flaws

She's not incomplete She feels whole

How many years?

She could confidently say that it's been five And she's better than ever.

#completed 4/14/2024 #written on the fly #free-verse #kill la kill #kill la kill au #fanfic #satsuki centric #satsuki kiryuuin #time skip #no trigger warnings #revised #light at the end of the tunnel #hope

[peace-and-light-poetry]

How the house burned down: Satsuki's Poem

Such is it is

I suffered before But, now, I'm a bit at peace

I am ill But I am getting a bit better

I was frozen But I am thawing

I was bound, shackled But, now, I am constrained

By a sentence

Constrained but I am flying Flying as high as I can

Like birds as free as the sky

Loved.

#fanfiction #spoilers for said fanfic #short poem #written on the fly #free-verse #written 2023 #kill la kill #kill la kill au

[peace-and-light-poetry]

Foundling—Excerpt

She was always a secretive and sleepy sort with a colorful history, a history she never often liked to talk about. Many often came to her when they couldn't sort out what to do, especially in human-youkai matters. She often acted as a mediator of sorts, having dealt with both regularily in the past and present. To a certain degree, she was ostracized out of fear and out of aborance for her interactions with humans and, to a certain degree, she was highly revered because of them as well.

Revered, yet fear and abhorred, she was as she was the Yakumo matriarch, Yakumo Yukari.

#Touhou Project #fanfiction #ran out of things to post #writing

[peace-and-light-poetry]

Boundaries.

She felt guilt Guilt for this word

It felt like an ugly word But it wasn't an ugly word No, that was her guilt talking

She had these And she'd make a point to enforce them Damn everything else

However, it wasn't that simple No, she would become small and quiet Stomped on like a mouse

When she tried

Within, she was screaming Berating herself for not having the strength To put her foot down

She wanted to lash out It's instinctive to lash out However, it was just as instinctive

To remain a quiet mouse

(trauma response)

They wondered why she seemed distant Or so upset with them

She had her peace to protect And she didn't want to spiral—again (as such would be worse)

This word felt ugly It wasn't an ugly word Yet, her guilt made it sting

She questioned her reasonings She's oft conflicted about such matters But she knew that some need these

And hers have been stomped on

No wonder she seemed so distant No, she didn't have this word

She started to be more closed off Rather, more so than what she was initially They've earned that

She didn't have this word No, she just built up walls Built them up and further reinforced them

She felt guilt but such is existence They disregarded her feelings so much That she suppressed her own

Abandoning herself

They didn't respect this word when she used them Yet, they noticed her walls

If being closed off is how she can protect her peace Then so be it.

#boundaries vs walls #long poem #dysfunctional family #free-verse #written on the fly #reality subtext #musings #revised #just no family #sorrow #written from heartbreak #mental health crisis #upset #vent #respect boundaries #praying for better #completed 4/13/2024

[peace-and-light-poetry]

Potato Sprouts

At times, she left her potatoes To their own devices

Not the first time And, certainly, won't be the last time

Potatoes are fascinating Well, actually, tubers are fascinating But, still

She left them alone for a bit And came back to find them sprouted

Perhaps, they're not so fitting to eat No, not really, especially some looked greenish (she's not privy to how tubers work, exactly)

Still, she left her potatoes to their own devices And so opted to deal with the result of this action Another addition to her garden

—Amoridere, 4/11/2024

#short poem #free-verse #reality subtext #written on the fly #musings #poem with a pic #revised #canva cover #signatured #potatoes #slice of life

[peace-and-light-poetry]

The Killdeer

She's never seen this bird No, not to her recollections But she found herself colored

Colored curious

She knew not to get too close No, as that would be detrimental However, she was curious and pleased

At seeing something new

She knew this bird was perturbed And so she wouldn't stay long But she had to know

To sate her curiousity Snapping a few pictures Even a video

She thought this bird to be male But realized this bird is "Mom" ("Dad" is not far away)

She would leave Colored surprised, pleased, and curiosity Wondering about the identity

Of this bird she was fortunate to see

#short poem #reality subtext #written on the fly #free-verse #musings #revised #written 4/7/2024 #quickie #killdeer #poem with a vid #suburban ohio #nature #birds #birding #birdwatching

[peace-and-light-poetry]

In the Throes of Thyroid Woes

She would go in for an ultrasound Praying along the way

Her endocrinologist ordered one And she wouldn't get the results yet (maybe they'll oblige her request to look at them?)

This was to rule out masses In this region

Her fears were cropping up Bloodwork suggested things are typical (everything else be damned)

Hell, her ACTH is deemed "perfect" But, still, she remembered the horror stories Test results can be deceptive

(such is defeating)

She weighed the likelihood Odds looked like things would be benign However, she feared things being

Otherwise (a word sounding like a hiss)

She still has things to do And her plans did include long term But she was afraid

Terrified of what the findings will be

Still, it was better to know Than it was to stay in the dark And she'd go to find out

Praying along the way.

#short poem #free-verse #reality subtext #written on the fly #musings #iatrophobia #written 4/4/2024 #ill girl #praying #endocrinology

[peace-and-light-poetry]

Where'd the sun go?

It was sunny, initially Sunny with blue and puffs of white

At the moment, it's gray With muted hues The sun had vanished

She took it that she won't be in town long

No, she'd be finishing her business And then she'd go home

Certainly, the forecast was wrong

#short poem #free-verse #reality subtext #written on the fly #notebook poem #revised #musings #written 3/27/2024

[peace-and-light-poetry]

"Northgate is dying."

She opted to go somewhere For reasons she didn't quite know Perhaps, to see what changed

Much has changed Since she's last come

Not many stores remained And what remained Had discounts

She traversed its halls Her footsteps almost echoing

Her favorite store had long left And the theatre long shuttered The food court was down

To two eateries She may was well be in a ghost town

This place wasn't long No, it was quietly, slowly fading away Little by little

Another in a pattern

Places of her youth Disappearing, fading into memory Like her long passed halcyon days

Times arrow never stops

—Amoridere, 4/3/2024

#reality subtext #written on the fly #free-verse #short poem #musings #idle poem #poem with a pic #revised #notebook poem #Northgate Mall #canva cover #some nostalgia #written 4/3/2024

[peace-and-light-poetry]

What to make

She sewed Certainly, such is less taxing Than her crocheting

She got something in the mail

Fabric usually gets divvied She had some initial plans, certainly But those changed

She gouged the size Concluding this to be fitting As backing of some kind

(such would certainly save on batting)

She knew the top layer had to match Or otherwise compliment the bottom layer She just wasn't sure

How to go about constructing

Would just do patches? Or would she attempt a pattern? And then what?

She didn't know But she knew material had plans And how those plans changed

She knew she'd make it into something But she knew not exactly what

Regardless, sewing is less taxing Than crocheting.

#world poetry day #reality subtext #written on the fly #free-verse #short poem #musings #idle poem #poem with a pic #written 3/24/2024

[peace-and-light-poetry]

A Forest of Dead Nettle

It's a seasonal clove Frankly, she thinks the groundhog lied Spring is delayed

However, she knew,

The flowers didn't know They bloomed "on schedule" A juxtaposition

Betwixt a delayed spring And the cold air

(if she ever did note one)

At the moment, she made an observation

A curious observation Within an island of grass A particularly group

Of flowers growing In an interesting formation With a tree-like shapes

#reality subtext #written on the fly #free-verse #short poem #notebook poem #revised #idle poem #written 3/19/2024 #dead nettle