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penelepole · 8 months
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"No one can make a plant grow. But if someone provides the right conditions - soil, nutrients, light, water - it will become the best plant it can be. No one can alter the genetic material of the plant, so no amount of effort will change a rose into a poppy. All you can do is surround it by what it needs and watch it bloom"
~ person centred theorists
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penelepole · 2 years
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When everything you do is for that person, you know that you'll never find that same feeling anywhere else. That feeling of being lost without them. Wanting to go everywhere with them and nowhere without them. That's your person. When everything you do, every move, every step, every choice is associated with them, you know you've fallen. Fight for it. Fight through it. Never give that up for anything or anyone.
-Tee
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penelepole · 3 years
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"Some old wounds never truly heal, and bleed again at the slightest word"
- George R.R. Martin
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penelepole · 3 years
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As I sit here listening to music and thinking back to my outburst this morning. I can't help but think about your smile and all the things you do to make me smile. Your character and your silly behaviour, like all the times you will sing a song in a silly voice it's the little things that attract me to you more and more.
You are my lifeline, no matter what I say or how many breakdowns I go through. My genuine feelings at heart are that I love you and you are my world, my everything.
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penelepole · 3 years
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Shattered
04:43 am (24.04.21)
~ Tee
In actual pieces rn, feel really heavy about what I might say or do tomorrow 😓
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penelepole · 3 years
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I think about all the things you do right and how much you've changed and acted upon but never get round to saying how grateful I am. Unfortunately this isn't one of those posts, I'd love for it to be but something else just triggered me now ( 04:20am Sat, 24th April 2021).
We literally made up quite a few hours ago like around 9ish last night saying we're tired of being stubborn and that we'll work through it like everything else. Your words, not mine.
I fell asleep to you not knowing what I'd be in for a little after waking up this early. It's really hurting me that I'm truly deeply insulted and embarrassed about what you've basically accused me of and really trying to keep it together. Yet you're having a go at me everywhere.
I find myself not losing hope but my hope being shattered when this sort of stuff happens. Making me feel weaker each time. Leaving had come up so much and we're both not okay with it because surviving just seems impossible.
We're so perfect rn and couldn't be better with ourselves. Doing everything to keep our lives on track for a future together. So why are these tiny problems getting in the way? Why does it hurt so much?
Despite my hurt, I wanted to leave it there and go sleep but you decided to carry on 😔 and then in your own time when you had enough, you said you're going sleep. Now I'm up here writing this because I can't think of anywhere to express it.
It's as if you were experiencing actual disgust when saying you're not in a state to talk to me or in the mood 😔 I'm sorry. I really try my hardest but if I'm not good enough you really should say so and leave it here as opposed to carrying on and building up the hurt.
~ Tee
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penelepole · 3 years
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You don't realise how happy you make me
Just hearing you right now playing online with the boys, laughing carelessly
I get so lost and have this sudden urge to give you the world
🥺🥰🥺🥰🥺🥰🥺
~ Tee
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penelepole · 3 years
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Sun, 21 Mar, 2021 (04:35am)
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penelepole · 3 years
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When silence feels like punishment
The company only hurts
-Sunday 21 March (03:30am)
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penelepole · 3 years
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Ever love someone so much it hurts?.. That it's physically painful. All you can do is cry and cry and that is what satisfies you...
Yeah that's how I feel about you
~Tee
30.12.20 (DuoW.U)
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penelepole · 4 years
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penelepole · 4 years
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Our pillow fights and tickle fights is something I get lost in. In that moment, everything seems to slow down where we just let go of every worry, every doubt and every pain. I'd do anything just to make those 5 minutes last a little longer.
~Tee
03/10/20
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penelepole · 4 years
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"I never thought it would affect you like this, that it would rattle you, thought it wouldn't phase you"
This is what hurts, you never realise how much loving somebody can take a toll on you, how it impacts you, shapes you. Only when love is that deep, that every little thing, causes so much pain and heartache.
How can you say that, it pains me that you never really knew how deep my love was and is, how much it kills me inside, more and more each day. You were part of my everyday, every moment of every day, how can it not affect me?
Regardless of how I am with everybody else, you are the one I love, surely I'd be the most bothered.
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penelepole · 4 years
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It hurts when you look at all those pictures, comment, somehow I feel disrespected, unworthy, not good enough. The fact that those very eyes scan others but also me.
When you love someone, you expect them to only have eyes for you, it hurts to see that your eyes roam everywhere..
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penelepole · 4 years
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Holding you close, I never expected to see what I had seen. There on your phone, was a picture of you and her, your face buried in the crook of her neck. As the clip played over and over I froze, completely still. You asked me questions but I couldn't respond. Something inside me cracked, I couldnt speak nor move, but I snapped out of it for your sake.
One picture can change so much, one event, one word, one sentence. The build up was all too much. Too much to handle, I never thought that I'd see you hold someone so close, let alone the way you used to hold me. It left me shattered, something beyond my imagination.
All these questions clouding my mind, but I can't stop loving you.
How do you call me special, say you've never had what we have but turn around and let me go so easily. Call me an ex. Someone you've let go, someone you're over, or trying to get over. That's when you give up on someone, when you promised to never do that.
How can I ever explain to you the pain I felt and the pain I still feel.
Sometimes we only need a certain memory to trigger us and give us flashbacks, but since that day, I cant seem to get it out of my head.
Im struggling to trust, to believe, I really really want to, but what hope is there if I keep getting hurt.
Why was the picture kept there, private, hidden. Did it mean something? If it did, why are we still here? All these thoughts, I cannot erase, but it stays simply to torture me.
That's what hurts the most, not knowing what someone keeps from you, what you're setting yourself up for.
How do I speak about this when I'm afraid of it being just another situation that is brushed off, with a bit of reasoning.....
I'm tired.
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penelepole · 4 years
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penelepole · 4 years
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