peterparkersshitlist

[peterparkersshitlist]

peter: if girls just want to have fun...

mj: yes?

peter: then what do guys want? tap dancing? because to me that does NOT seem like fun

#i'm just spewing shit #out of me arseshole #lol xd so funny haha guys arent i funny #but like #anyway #here are the normal tags #peter parker #mj #spiderman #peter parker incorrect quotes #spiderman incorrect quotes #spider man #marvel #tom holland

[peterparkersshitlist]

sam wilson: *minding his business*

peter parker from the shadows: i have a lot of ideas, a lot of ideas that people don't agree on me with.

sam wilson: wh

peter parker: the letter q should be eradicated

#i got bored and i wanted to shit post #im not in this fandom #but i wanted to shit post #so here i am #uhhh #how the fuck do i tag shit again #okay #so like #here are the normal tags #peter parker #spiderman #peter parker imagines #spiderman imagines #peter parker incorrect quotes #spiderman incorrect quotes #sam wilson #the falcon #captain america #marvel

[peterparkersshitlist]

funny how my blog is active and i LOSE 20 followers a day

hmm shameless promo on my semi active gay rants and weird thoughts blog that also loses followers @tepyss :) 

[peterparkersshitlist]

incredibly funny how this blog is inactive but i’m getting like 20 followers per day

[peterparkersshitlist]

Peter: Mr. Stark do you ever think about.. I dunno, like, alternate universes?

Tony: Can’t say I do kiddo. I like this universe the way it is.

Peter: Yeah yeah but what if there was a universe where we were all animals!

Tony: I don’t want to think about that.

Peter: Would I be a spider? Or like... a pig? I don’t know why but a pig feels right.

Tony: You’d only be a pig because of the way your room looks.

Peter: Oh yeah well you’d be a mouse because of how small you are!

Tony:

Peter: I-

Tony: You’re dead to me

~~~~~

Bonus:

Spider-Ham: *walks out of a magic portal and stands infront of Tony* Nice ta meet cha! Peter Porker, at your service.

Tony: *blinks, turns to Peter then back to Spider-Ham*

Tony: I need a vacation...

[peterparkersshitlist]

Why NYPD hates Spiderman:

Cops: *pepper spraying peaceful protesters*

Peter: HEY! *swings down and webs up the officers*

Peter: You people are supposed to protect innocents, not attack them! You are either children, idiots, or just assholes! I’m a literal child and an idiot, but I can understand that what you’re doing is wrong! So, by process of elimination that makes you all assholes! And I beat up assholes for a living!

Peter: *backflips and crowd surfs as he flips off the webbed up cops* Fuck off!

_______________________________________________

Bonus:

Tony: Peter, why did I get a call from NYPD demanding Spiderman’s removal from the Avengers for charges of assault on multiple officers?

Peter: *eating chips on the couch* Easy. Black Lives Matter. Asshole Lives Don’t.

Tony: *tearing up* that’s my boy...

[peterparkersshitlist]

no i do not take constructive criticism on this

[peterparkersshitlist]

Peter: I’m gonna do what’s called a ‘pro gamer move’

Peter: [has a panic attack]

[peterparkersshitlist]

☕️ 

Y'all still stanning peter parker when miles morales exists?? 😬

[peterparkersshitlist]

Peter: You made me who I am.

Tony: That’s a terrible thing to say.

[peterparkersshitlist]

me

Who is Spider-man?

(Wrong answers only)

[peterparkersshitlist]

Peter: *Eating a bag of sour gummy bears* These are my favorite.

Tony: I thought gummy worms were your favorite?

Peter: They were but these are superior.

Tony: Oh yeah, how so?

Peter: -Because they’re sour and they’re gummy and they’re bears.

Tony: …

Peter: …

Peter: Stop judging me!

[peterparkersshitlist]

peter parker would 100% help rioters over helping the cops

#acab #peter parker #riots2020 #spiderman #tom holland #peter parker imagines

[peterparkersshitlist]

Spider Sk8ter 

[peterparkersshitlist]

Shuri: Birth certificates are just receipts for human beings. Peter: How and where can I return myself?

[peterparkersshitlist]

MJ is my quarantine mood

[peterparkersshitlist]

Tony: Please, don’t do anything overly dramatic and stupid. Peter: You could sooner divert an entire river from its course than deny me my nature.