riddledletters

[riddledletters]

I just wanna go away for the longest time)): and remember how it feels to read a book):

#I’m so fucking burnt out #literally just laying next to josh and crying all night lmaoo #ughugh the type of stress that makes you just a burden for everyone around you #yup that’s me

[riddledletters]

I will not fret on what I cannot control.

I will only think of me and focus on me.

I will not hold on to something that does not exist anymore.

I will not ponder or get lost in the what if’s, the maybes.

I will not live in this in between anymore, this small sliver that’s right in the middle of my reality and my fears.

#mine #December #all of a sudden I’m stuck on you in a way that I haven’t been in while #I can’t do this anymore #pretending like you don’t exist so I can think clearly and move the fuck on

[riddledletters]

Lolol tell me why the moment I have time on my hands and in solitude my mind is racing with comparisons and weird jealousy and self doubt and like??? I’m questioning everything like why am I alone why am still single why am I so nice to everyone even to the people that probably don’t deserve it. Why can’t I just be content and okay with where I’m at?? Like I totally am but also I just can’t escape all of the overthinking it’s exhausting):

#nov2020 #I literally am so hot and cold all the time I can barely keep up #it just must be soooo nice for the people who are so carefree and don’t let things get to them #I literally cannot stop questioning and overthinking goddamn

[riddledletters]

Doing a lot better. Feeling my petals bloom

#mine #oct2020

[riddledletters]

I miss my best friend):

#mine #lmao I’m so high listening to Sedona for the 100000th time this week #and it’s only Tuesday #I miss leenaaaa):

[riddledletters]

Today///: is just not my day////: but like all the days have been like this sooooo

#mine #I’m so sad #ya know when you’re that lonely that you can just feel all over and not think about anything else besides how lonely you are #yup that’s me

[riddledletters]

I’ll get there.

#mine #im high

[riddledletters]

“You cannot use someone else’s fire. You can only use your own. And in order to do that, you must first be willing to believe that you have it.”

— Audre Lorde

#a reminder #this is so important #sep2020

[riddledletters]

Someone let me sleep with them tonight please🥺):

#mine #life is HARD rn #im so so so so sad and i dont like it

[riddledletters]

It’s okay if you can’t get through the songs

Through the thoughts

Through the photos

Through the times

Through the tears

Through the hurt

It’s okay

#mine #thoughts #im high

[riddledletters]

It’s almost like you’re not there

We don’t talk

And then I’m high

And I play those songs I used to listen to with you

It’s almost like you never were there

And then I wish you were here

You you you

#mine #you #im high

[riddledletters]

Oh woww I’ve been doing so good, better than I thought!!, but I just looked at the time as I’m laying in bed and remember the times I used to call you instead?

#mine #thoughts #im drunk #aug2020

[riddledletters]

Lmaooo I genuinely cannot see myself with anyone anytime soon, not just because I’m hurt but literally just cus...I don’t wanna HAH. A bitch is tired love is fake you can’t trust anyone and that’s that on that!

#mine #thoughts #i dont even feel very bitter at this point im just literally not feelin it #i can barely handle myself at this point shit LMAO

[riddledletters]

I’m tired of thinking about you

I’m tired of missing you

I’m tired of getting hurt by you

I’m tired of seeing you in my dreams

I’m tired

#mine #me #thoughts #at this point i wish i never even knew you cus this shit suuuuckssss):

[riddledletters]

How things change...I used to look forward to the end of my days, the nights were the absolute highlight of my days. My nights were always spent with you watching the hours tick by so fast on my oven clock. Either spent together on my couch in my living room or cooking something in my kitchen. But now I dread the end of the day. I almost feel sick when the sun starts to set. All I can think about is you and the absence of you is way more evident at night. In the mornings I’m strong, things are clearer. I’m okay with you not being here. I wish I can say the same about my nights):

#mine #thoughts

[riddledletters]

I don’t know how it got to this point and I’m not sure how we got here at all but in all honesty I just want to let you go and for you to let me let you go):

#mine #about you #im tired #thoughts

[riddledletters]

Speaker Phone

I want to run away and hide in the warm tones of your voice that spill through the tiny speakers of my phone.

So small and microscopic i almost catch myself feeling like this is insignificant.

The tininess makes me feel as if what we have is so quaint in size that I can stomp all over it during the day and not think about it’s heaviness.

And then you answer the phone and your laugh pours through my ears and I’m home again.

#mine