sapphic-courtship-for-dummies

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i dont hate you guys i swear i just have really shitty memory

#😭😭😭 #there’s still so many i just have awful executive dysfunction

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love

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friendly reminder that this blog supports:

wlw of color

bi/pan/ace/etc. wlw

trans wlw

he/him wlw, they/them wlw, she/her wlw, and anyone in between

neurodivergent wlw

i don't think i've ever made it explicitly clear, i kind of just assumed everyone knew i supported these groups, but i thought i should probably announce it.

if you have a problem with any of these groups, please see yourself off of my blog.

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ok ok ok so. i'm in a very complicated situation rn. lemme start from the beginning: -so i'm best friends with this girl for years -our friend group talks abt sexualities, me + other girl come to conclusion that we're bisexual, the best friend thinks she *might* be too -realize i'm in love with her -confess to her later -she doesn't like me that way

-i don't think she's straight????? -time passes -we're both in a religion btw -she asks me one day abt our religion's views on homosexuality -i tell her one of the views, that it's alright -she says ok -she's still questioning btw -i think she might be bi/pan leaning towards guys

-i move to a different country -i leave the religion, not out yet to anyone tho -but we still text -she sends me a post one day abt homosexuality -it's that other view, that homosexuality is wrong -she believes in that view and is trying to persuade me to undo my bisexuality in some way or ignore it -getting strong indoctrination and internalized homophobia vibes here -she thinks i'm still in the religion and is trying to convince me on her views on homosexuality -i try to argue back carefully since i can't let her know i've left -anyway we fight -and apologize a few days later -and she suggests we don't talk abt religious stuff because we always fight abt it

-i say ok -i do flood my insta story (that she sees) with lgbt posts out of passive aggressiveness -i know i know, but i couldnt help it because i have very liberal views and i feel very strongly abt religious homophobia and sexuality -i sort of wanted to punish and test her -'this is me, this sexuality is a part of me, not a test by god, and i'm gonna show it and make it obvious, and you have to choose between remaining with me despite it or not.'

-we don't speak for three months.

-our only interaction is viewing each others' stories -she texts me with something random a few days later -we're talking again -i've forgiven her at this point -after all, before i left, i was just like her, i believed the same things she did -i want to believe that just like me, she'll come around and see things for what they truly are. -idk what to do till then

-i'm still in love with her -i still feel elated whenever she texts -i still feel that spark when i hear her name

-i want to get over her, over it -but still remain her best friend -it's hard because a huge part of getting over someone is to cut them off completely -and for those three months i did not think of her, so it worked a little -but when she texted it all came flooding back.

-i'm so, so, so fucked. what do i do?

Hello dear anon. I am so, so sorry about your situation, and even more sorry I wasn't able to respond until now. I know it's been quite some time, but in the case that you are still struggling with this or that anyone else can benefit from hearing your story and my two cents about it, here's my answer.

It can be really complicated navigating relationships with people who do not share the same values or outlooks as you do, and not everyone has the ability or desire to cut ties with those people. My best friend growing up was one of those people who was very indoctrinated in her religious upbringing and beliefs, which led to the two of us having more frequent arguments as we got older, and eventually ended in a painful split and end in our friendship. I don't regret our separation, looking back I think it was for the best because we just valued, believed, and wanted different things in life. I still wish her the best, but if what allows us both to live our happiest lives is being apart, then so be it.

I understand your pain, and your conflict, however I know that I personally cannot tolerate any kind of...well, intolerance, like that in the people I associate with. I just don't have the energy. Ultimately it's up to you whether you believe your lives will be happier together or apart. That also includes whether you decide to move on from her romantically or not. I can attest that--at least in my own experience--it's not impossible to get over being in love with someone while still interacting with them or being friends with them. That's my track record so far anyway, having two exes that are still friends of mine and even speak to regularly. That isn't to say that it isn't still hard sometimes, or that it doesn't take a certain type of strength or maturity to be able to maintain these relationships and let go of the expectations and hopes you once had for what they could have been, but it is certainly possible and even worthwhile if you can stomach it.

I don't have a straight answer for you, as easy as I wish it could be. I see three main potential roads that you could go down, those being: continuing to wait and see if she'll ever come around to your side of things, letting go of your romantic expectations and moving on while trying to maintain the friendship, or just letting go. I don't know how much things may have changed or not since you sent this ask, but if you're still at a crossroads then there's a chance that you had a gut feeling reading those options. Only you know what you really need, and sometimes you don't know until you get it, or you start walking down that path. All I know is that you have to do what's best for you, as painful or difficult as that may be.

Change is possible in all people, you're living proof of that, but sometimes it takes people lifetimes to open their hearts and minds to learn or unlearn what they need to. Whatever you decide, I hope you are able to prioritize your own happiness in this short life that you have now. You deserve to live proudly as your most authentic self, to love freely surrounded by people who accept you for who and what you are--all of you. Time is precious, your time here is precious, so use it wisely. Use it to do right by yourself, your heart, and your values, to live the life that you truly want.

So, my friend, I leave you with a final question to ponder:

In the long run, what do you truly want?

I hope that this can be of some help or comfort, my DMs are still open if you ever need a friend. <3

All my love and best wishes always,

Your friend,

Sappho 💓

#asks #anons #ask #anon #wlw #sapphic #bisexual #queer #lgbtq+ #lgbt #lgbtq #religion #cw religion #religion mention #tw religion #homophobia #religious homophobia #queerphobia #friendship #crushes #love #romance #advice #love advice #romance advice #relationships #values

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So I want to share my thoughts a little for all of you that may think you'll never get the courage to be direct with a girl you like, even more if she's a STRANGER.

So I know how uncomfortable it is when a man comes to you and asks you for your number. Most of us are scared to say no or uncomfortable so we give it and then ignore their texte or block them when it comes.

It happened to me once and I'll never forget how it made me feel. I didn't want to do that, there's tons of videos online about dudes that give "advice" to other dudes by saying " when you ask for the girls number don't really ask but demand it. Don't say" can I have" but say "what's your number ". I absolutely hated that. I knew what their goal was by removing the choice out of their words and it's so manipulative I am disgusted.

I would never ever even consider doing that. I like giving people choices, space to be comfortable. It's why I gave my number and let her decide what she wanted. This is how it should be done, by letting her decide what she wants and not putting her in an uncomfortable situation by insisting or not making space for her to say no.

So everyone, give your number out don't ask for it. If they're interested they'll text you.

If they aren't move on and you'll find someone else that's interested.

Love you all❤️

#wlw #sapphic #lgbtq

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[ID: A tweet from Emily Gwen @/theemilygwen.

Did you know Disney sells lesbian flag pins? Bob Iger profits off the flag I designed for our community!

On another note, I can't afford to pay for my medication this month! Any help would be appreciated.

Donations: ko-fi.com/emilygwen

Store: emilygwen.threadless.com

END ID]

#lesbian flag #queer #pride flags

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#❤️

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happy pride month :))

🏳️‍🌈HAPPY PRIDE!!!🏳️‍⚧️

🖤🤎❤️🧡💛💚💙💜💖

#there’s no yellow text :[ #that’s homophobic #anyway #anons #asks #pride #pride month #thanks anon!!! #queer #lgbt #lgbtq #lgbtqia #lgbt+ #lgbtq+ #lgbtqia+ #rainbow

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happy pride to everyone unable to attend pride celebrations

happy pride to those who have to work during their local pride celebrations, or are too busy recuperating from work to make an appearance

happy pride to autistics (myself included) for whom the big crowds and noise are a dealbreaker

happy pride to those of us who aren't out, for those of us for whom being seen at a pride celebration could put them in jeopardy in their personal/professional lives

happy pride for those of us who live in areas where there are no safe pride celebrations, for those without access to adequate transportation, and for those for whom a long road trip is simply unfeasible

happy pride to everyone who simply has no patience for the commercialism of pride gatherings, who are tired of being marketed and being marketed to for 30 convenient days a year

happy pride to those of us who don't need a reason not to want to go

happy pride to everyone. happy pride to everyone every single damn day of the year

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“The first Gay Pride flag was made in 1978 by a man named Gilbert Baker. He gave a meaning to each color.”

Beginners (2010) - Directed by Mike Mills

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STAY SAFE!! [ID: the Gilbert Baker pride flag with the words “Happy pride to all those who are unable to celebrate openly and safely. You are loved and seen!” in all-caps black text over it. /end ID]

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As frustrating as it is to not be able to change the whole world, I can change my own world.

I can change my immediate future. I can help improve my own life and the life of others, even in the smallest of ways, even if I just exist. I can practice kindness and try to be gentle. I can have a soft heart full of love and desperate to give affection and do my best to show others how much I care. I don't have to prove to anyone that does not value me (and probably never will) that I have inherit worth as a human being. Maybe they will never acknowledge that, but it doesn't make it any less true. I can make the world a little better just by trying to improve my surroundings a little, and even if my positive actions to the world aren't huge in the grand scheme of things, it doesn't make me worthless or powerless. I can make a change by putting myself out there, even when people who have great power don't want to believe so. Even when those close to me don't believe so.

I still know I have value in trying my best every day and I my life is never devoid of worth even when some people might think I don't have anything to "contribute". We contribute in the ways we can manage to. Your mere presence makes a difference and contributes to the world in ways you may not know, and more people care about you being alive than they tell you. Just because someone failed to give you any value doesn't mean you don't have any. Know this in your heart: your presence in the world matter just because you're alive and showing up in whatever way you can.

You don't have to prove your worth to anyone, not even yourself, you should believe in it. And it takes time to finally believe in it after so much hardship, but you can slowly build that belief, I promise. That belief is so important to shape your relationship with others, with yourself, and to finally understand that the small impact you have in the world is always, always important, even if it doesn't change the greater scheme of things, it helps you find some peace of mind to know that you're trying.

[sapphic-courtship-for-dummies]

Is it awful that I kind of wish a wlw would flirt with me in real life. I just got broken up with just over a week ago and I am absolutely not ready to move on, but I feel like the validation would help my confidence right now.

It's not awful at all! In fact it's incredibly normal and human to crave affection, and especially in person because we are social and physically intimate creatures by nature--especially after a traumatic event like that when you're feeling especially vulnerable. I'm really sorry for the incredibly late response; if I recall correctly, I was going through it myself when you sent this. In fact, that was just a few weeks before I was broken up with too, so, I was right there with you.

The first thing I'll say is that it's no wonder you weren't ready to move on, it hadn't been more than two weeks! And even if it had been a month or six, or if you're still grieving even now, then that is perfectly okay. It takes time, and everyone heals and grows at their own pace. I know being dumped can deal a blow to your sense of self worth, that it can make you feel like this means you're unlovable, or unwanted. But that's all that those are: feelings. They are not truths. They are not set in stone. Your feelings will change, can change, if you let them, if you allow yourself to shift your perspective.

It took me months to feel somewhat normal again, and over a year for it to really sink in that it was over, and that I was okay with that. You need that time to reflect and take a step back, to realize all the things that were not your fault, along with the things that you can do better in the future. Not only are your self worth and ability to be loved not dependent on this person, those things are not dependent on anyone. Those things are inherent. They are always there. But even if someone else does try to show you that, you are not going to feel that way unless you allow yourself to. Unless you make the choice to see it, open yourself up to it, and find it in yourself.

Confidence does not come from relying on other people's opinion's of you. True confidence comes from within. And I am not saying that it's easy, because Goddess knows it's not. And I'm not saying that having friends/family/other people remind you of your greatness isn't helpful, because it is. It's very important to have a support system that can uplift you when you need it--to surround yourself with those who love you unconditionally and not just see your beauty but celebrate it as well. But, speaking from experience, that won't help you very much if you don't believe them, if you don't trust and try to see what they see in you.

You might not have this problem at all, and I might just be rambling, but I'd just like to remind folks that you can cultivate this love and feeling of worth for yourself. It's not easy at first, and it does take time and effort and practice, but it can be done. (It also gets easier with practice.) And even though you may still crave intimacy and affection from others, you will no longer rely on them to feel worthy, to feel wanted, to feel loved. Because you are, have always been, and will always be these things no matter what. And I mean that from the bottom of my heart. So I hope that at least one day you'll be able to see this and feel it for yourself, and know it as I know it to be the truth.

(Sorry not sorry for this being a long answer, I have a lot of feelings about it. >.<)

You are forever loved, and are never, ever alone.

Earnestly and eternally,

Sappho ❤️

#old asks #asks #anons #advice #breakups #break up #self worth #self love #confidence #self compassion #grieving #healing #wlw #sapphic #queer #lgbt #lgbt+ #lgbtq #lgbtq+

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Hey there! I did an ask about 4 months ago about this girl I’m now dating (the sapphic mess who drank tea and cleaned this lasses wound) anyway everything has been going good for us.

We’ve been dating now for 4 months and I want to ask her to be my girlfriend but I remember in a group conversation a while back her mentioning something about 6 months being her dating timeframe. I really like her, she’s so sweet and makes me feel so good. She’s even met my family and came over for my birthday just to see me. Do you think I should wait until she asks me? Or should I wait until 6 months? It just feels so right and I want to call her my girlfriend. She makes me feel safe and happy, I’ve never been in a relationship so health and I’m scared to ruin it.

Anyway, chaotic sapphic out 🌸💖🌻

I remember you! I'm so so sorry I didn't get to this sooner, man it has been a couple years hasn't it? Damn, well, assuming things have unfurled since then, I can only hope it worked out for the best and answer this to the best of my ability anyway.

Six months sounds like a reasonable time frame, perhaps as a general approximate amount of time to wait especially if you're not sure or not ready to commit to someone. That being said, I don't know how rigid her boundaries are around that. As we know, it's very important to respect someone's boundaries and preferences in these contexts; on the other hand, you don't know if this is a firm rule or a general guideline or if you can be an exception unless you ask.

If it feels right to you, and you're sure, I think it's important to tell her how you feel. Even if she's not sure yet, most people like to know where they stand with someone and what the other person wants. I trust you'd let her know there wasn't any pressure to use labels if she's not comfortable or ready yet, but I don't see the harm in giving it a shot.

As always, I promote open and honest communication! The truth will set you free, as they say.

I really hope everything worked out with y'all some way or another, and that you're doing well. Best of luck with everything!

Take care,

Sappho 💖

#old asks #asks #anons #dating #dating advice #relationship advice #advice #wlw #sapphic #queer #lgbt #lgbt+ #lgbtq+ #communication #honesty #boundaries

[sapphic-courtship-for-dummies]

oh ladyship,, help pls

ive been bestfriends with this one girl for like- ever since 3rd grade and Im scared that on the day i tell her i like her its just going to ruin everything we've built for the last few years

oh god why did i take the childhood besties route

Hi anon, I'm sorry for the late response and I know you may not need my help anymore, but I've noticed many folks coming to me with the same issue so I hope this answer can still be of some help.

I've always believed that every romantic relationship could benefit from a solid foundation of friendship--in terms of healthy communication, mutual respect, and understanding. I think it's important to have these things to fall back on when the idealistic allure of infatuation fails. I know you were afraid of the wonderful thing you had potentially changing, because change is scary. I know you were probably afraid of rejection or damaging this friendship, this constant in your life--no one wants to spoil a good thing. But in my experience, when you have this solid foundation of friendship supporting you when push comes to shove, (to quote The Bones - with Hozier) the house don't fall when the bones are good.

Maybe it's just my habit for remaining on friendly terms with exes, but for me, romantic feelings coming into the mix have never spoiled a friendship. I think I've mentioned it but I'll reiterate that I've had two friends express romantic interest in me within the past year, and even though I didn't reciprocate, we're still good friends because we were able to openly communicate and handle the situation with maturity and grace. I guess what I'm trying to say is: if you have this solid basis of friendship, then you telling them the truth and sharing your feelings shouldn't ruin that. It's an incredibly brave and vulnerable act to do, and regardless of the outcome, I think it's much more likely to make your bond with this person stronger.

So, as always, I encourage you to be brave. Speak from your heart. And have some faith in your friend, their reaction will probably be better than you think. Even if it's not, you will still be okay. But you'll never know until you try.

I hope everything worked out, and I wish you all the best. <3

All my love,

Sappho 💞

#old asks #asks #anons #crush #crushes #friendship #childhood best friends to lovers #best friends to lovers #advice #crush advice #romance #romance advice #relationships #communication #sapphic #wlw #queer #lgbt #lgbtq #lgbt+ #lgbtq+

[sapphic-courtship-for-dummies]

HAPPY LESBIAN VISIBILITY WEEK, LESBIANS!