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starlessskies94 · 2 months

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Consequence (Joel Miller x OC)

Summary: What if Joel survived his injuries from the Abby and Fireflies attack but ends up with really bad amnesia. He can’t remember his wife, Ellie, or the Outbreak; only before. How will his family bring back the man they once knew?

Pairing: Joel Miller x OC

Notes:I apologise its been so long since my last chapter, for some reason was struggling to get this one right but I'm satisfied with what I've ended up with...I personally think the first half of this is stronger than the second but now we can move onto the really juicy bits of the story and work our way towards the ending!! Hope you enjoy!! Please like and review!! <3

Chapter Twenty Nine

The building was empty as they forced their way inside. The roof had caved in, leaving the elements to claim back whatever it wanted. The floor was water damaged and rotten. The walls were green with damp moss and vines that engulfed any mark of man-made structures. And flowers had even started to bloom along the old stands that once held witnesses to face the injustices in the old world. Joel found there was a cruel sense of irony that even over two decades later there were still souls who thought injustices needed to be punished…only in this world they’d take on the role of judge, jury and executioner all on their own. Himself included. He didn’t know how to feel about the fact that Ellie seemed to be taking on those roles herself now…and it was because of him.

He watched with bated breath as she made her way ahead of him, kicking at the loose debris in her frustration of finding the building empty. “They’re not here! Fuck!” She hissed angrily. “Easy kiddo, we'll find her. Maybe Jesse and Tommy are havin' better luck, their side of town.” He attempted to reassure her... and himself if he was being honest. He already blamed himself for Ada getting captured in the first place. Those bastards had been searching for him and took Ada to use as bait. And now Ellie was hurting because they’d taken her mother.

They stood in the silence for a moment as Ellie looked around for any indication that the WLF had been here but found only debris and old shadows of a world long dead. Maybe now was the time to try with her… try to gauge what she was thinking…

“Ellie…” he tried but she quickly brushed it off as she fought through the broken building searching for supplies both of them knew weren’t there. She was avoiding him. Again. And Joel tried to ignore the dull sting of hurt he felt from it. “Ellie…” He tried again but he heard her slamming her way through the back room before storming out again. “Stupid…fucking door…nothing worth taking…stupid fucking roof and fucking water…god…damn it!” She slammed and kicked, throwing rocks at the cracked glass. Joel rushed to her side to hold her, comfort her. “Hey…hey...Ellie…easy okay…just…” He whispered in an attempt to soothe her. But felt his heart break when she pushed him away. “No! Fucking…don’t Joel! Just don’t…” He backed off hands held in surrender as he tried to tread carefully here. He didn't want a repeat of what happened when he and Ada had told her the truth back in Utah, he didn’t think could handle it again.

So instead he gave her space to breath, as she leaned back against one of the stands. Her hands shaking as tears rain down her face. And it killed him that he couldn’t hug her. Tell her that everything would be okay. He stood frozen in place as he watched her break down. Her sobs echoed in the empty space between them. Joel took a step forward and tentatively moved to sit beside her. “Ellie…” he uttered. “It's okay…just talk to me…”

She sniffled against the tears as she wiped at her eyes harshly, leaving them red and bloodshot. “I can’t…” She croaked brokenly. “Why not?” He asked.

“Because you fucking died Joel!” She sobbed and he felt his whole body turn cold at her words. He supposed he had. Even if it was just for a little while. And even when he’d woken up, he’d been a different person. He guessed to her and Ada their Joel had died. He sat beside her and said nothing. What could he say?

He glanced across at her as she stared at the floor, her hands still shaking, tears still escaping her eyes. “You fucking died and now you’re here and it’s like I’m talking to a ghost. It fucking haunts me.” She whispered, her nails picking at the skin of her thumbs until they bled. Joel resisted the urge to reach over and take ahold of her hands to stop her from doing it. She’d always fidgeted when she was stressed or upset. To the point he’d had to put bandages around her hands because she’d made them bleed so badly when they’d first arrived in Jackson. She’d been terrified that she wouldn’t fit in or that she wouldn't make any friends. He and Ada had done what they could to make sure she was settling in okay. But mostly she’d kept to herself.

He listened as she sighed and finally found the courage to look him in the eye. And Joel almost broke down himself when he saw just how red and sore her eyes were. “I was angry for so long… but when you came home I was a stranger to you and it seemed so fucking stupid to be mad at you for something you couldn’t even remember doing…I guess I’m just tired Joel…I’m so fucking tired.” She breathed softly as she slid down what was left of the stand and sat on the bench. It creaked slightly under her weight as she lifted her legs up and tucked her knees under her chin.

She looked so small. And he was tired of not being able to comfort her, he moved to take a seat beside her again. Nudging her side gently with his knee as she turned to look at him with those big green eyes, welling up with tears again. In the end he caves, reaching out for her and pulling her close in an embrace to comfort her.

“Oh baby girl…I don’t regret savin' your life. I will never regret that. But I’m sorry I took that choice away from you…I just wanted to keep you safe.” It's the best he can give and he hopes it's enough. Hopes it's enough to bring her back. Because he means every single word. Just like he did that night on the porch.

‘If somehow the Lord gave me a second chance at that moment... I would do it all over again.’ There is no doubt. Not even a speck of doubt in his heart. He hears her hiccup another sob but this time she doesn’t scream, she doesn’t pull away. She listens and so with his eyes squeezed shut, he takes a breath and knows he can’t lie to her again.

And so… he tells the truth.

“You wanted your life to mean somethin'…whose to say it doesn’t? Now? To me and your mom? And Dina…Jesse and Tommy…You may not have saved the world baby girl but you saved us. You saved me…”

“What do you mean?” She utters as she lifts her head to stare at him. And he knows he’s said too much now. There’s no going back. He has to tell her. As he does the guilt pulls at him when he realizes that he couldn’t even bring himself to tell Ada or Tommy.

“I wanted to end it…” he finally confessed. “When I got my memories back…I knew I needed to finish this once and for all. I was ready… I was gonna walk right in there and give myself up, I was headin' to Texas you know? I was gonna say my last goodbyes to Sarah and then that was it.” He feels her turn rigid in his arms as he speaks. But he tugs a little and rests his chin on her head and his heart warms at the sensation of her snuggling a little closer into his frame. “But then I found your mom and I knew I couldn't go through with it. I wasn’t ready to die…not yet. I remembered you tellin' me to get up…to fight back. It took me a while but…I’m listenin' now…I’m doin' it.”

She doesn’t speak after he finishes. Instead he feels her wrap her arms around his middle and hug him as she sobs into his jacket. He cradles the back of her head like he did when she was younger, like he did the day he found her after she killed David. And slowly he rocks her back and forth. He lets her cry, lets her break down. Because he can tell she’s been bottling it up for so long to protect everyone else. She may be older but deep down, Joel knows she is still only a kid. Only nineteen years old. And she will always be his baby girl no matter how old she is.

“I’m sorry…” She sniffles, its quiet. Barely there as she muffles the words into his jacket where she’s hidden her face in his chest. But Joel still hears her. And when he does he immediately pulls back and cups her cheeks. His callous thumbs wiping away the leftover tears that fall. “Hey now… don’t you ever apologize to me. You have nothin' to be sorry for.. you hear me? You had every right to hate me…”

“I don’t…I could never…” She hiccups again as she shakes her head. Gasping for air as she tries to fight away another sob that takes her breath away. Almost like she’s fighting to say the words. But she's determined to win.

“You’re…you’re my dad. And I could never hate you.” Joel smiles through his own tears that water in his eyes. Pressing a kiss on the top of her head as he hugs her again. He doesn’t know what he did to deserve this second chance with her but he knows he won’t waste it. He stands and dries his eyes as he composes himself as he reaches out to help Ellie to her feet.

This time she gladly accepts his help.

“Come on kiddo.. let’s head back hopefully Dina’s got some more intel over that radio.”

She smiles and nods as they both make their way out the broken building together.

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By the time they made it out; night had already fallen. Jesse followed Tommy as they made their way through towards the town hall. They’d decided to keep their flashlights off while they made their way through. Having already noticed some patrols moving through the streets; either on foot or driving around across the broken roads. Keeping to the shadows, Tommy kept on guard as he led the way.

“So how’d you get past Maria?” He whispered without turning to face Jesse. The young man breathed a laugh through his nose as he smirked.

“I didn't, she told me to go.” He explained quietly. “Was worried about you guys, you'd been gone too long.”

Tommy internally groaned at the implication in Jesse’s voice. He knew he'd been gone longer than he’d promised but they hadn’t expected it would take so long to find Joel and now they had, things seemed to be spiralling out of control. Tommy knew they wouldn’t rest until they’d either killed Joel or they wiped them all out. Either way he tried to spin it, he didn’t see things ending well.

“Yeah I bet that’s gone over well with her…” he muttered lowly, but Jesse just smiled kindly, nudging the man to stop for a moment as Tommy turned to look at him.

“She’s worried. Mostly about you. A little pissed that you’ve been gone so long though. But she gets it…I think.” he said the words gently, knowing that the older man was already feeling guilty. He appreciated Jesse trying to be considerate. He’d always liked the boy, he was a good friend to Ellie. And was always one of the first to volunteer for anything the town needed doing. Whether it was covering people’s patrols or helping with supply runs, nothing was too big or too much effort for him and Tommy found he quite admired the boy’s kind heart. He reminded him of himself when he was younger. Before the military and the fireflies had gotten their clutches into him and tried turning him into something he wasn’t. He was grateful that Jackson was a place where Jesse wouldn’t ever have to go through that. He’d been raised well. And he knew when Dina was ready to tell him; he was certain he’d step up and be a damned good father too.

“We’ve been through worse.” Tommy replied with a sigh. They had. He just hoped this time wouldn’t be the last. “However, as I was passing through a ritzy part of town back in Salt Lake City, I came across this necklace. It sparkles a lot. I think it’s real gold.”

Jesse smirked as he continued to follow the older man.

“You think it’s real gold?” He asked sceptically.

“Oh, it’s real gold.”

“Let's see it.”

“I know what real gold looks like.” Tommy chuckled as they continued through towards the town center.

“If it’s legit, can we say it’s from all of us?” Jesse asked with a muffled chuckle as Tommy rolled his eyes at the young man beside him. “Ha! Find your own damn bribes.” he retorted. He heard Jesse breath a laugh through his nose as the two slowed to a halt as they took cover behind an old car, its frame broken and half-burned. The street was busy with WLF soldiers though Tommy didn’t recognize any of them.

They waited and watched as the patrols made their way passed. A whole group of them moved through towards the riverside where old water pipes had burst, reshaping the old downtown subway into a new water system. A few men seemed to be preparing a boat while others moved supplies to the truck before continuing further down what remained of the streets. Tommy watched with narrowed eyes as a very familiar face emerged from a side street. The braid hanging down her back gave her away instantly. Abby. She walked along beside a soldier towards the makeshift dock as she helped load the last of the supplies before climbing in, starting the engine and speeding off down the river. Tommy felt his blood run cold at the possibility of her getting away. He couldn’t allow it. Not when he was so close. There was another boat tied to the dock; if he moved now, he could just about make it and still have a chance of catching her up. But as he moved to stand; a hand harshly pulled him back.

“Hold it! Tommy, look it’s the town hall…” Jesse hissed in a low whispered shout, Tommy glanced at where he was pointing, the building was large but seemed to only be guarded by a skeleton crew this late at night. Looking back at the dock, he knew he had to make a choice.

“No, we're taking that boat.” He said sternly. The younger man blanched at his words as he looked at him in earnest. “But you heard them right? They’re talking about Ada…” He knew he was referring to the message they’d heard over the radio. And while it was possible they were talking about Ada, Tommy knew she’d be grateful to him taking the chance to track down Joel’s would be- killer. He shook his head defiantly as he shrugged slightly. “We don’t know that.” He uttered. “Who else is it going to be?!” Jesse challenged in return but Tommy was losing his patience and he didn’t have time to argue while Abby was getting further away. And more importantly, towards somewhere Tommy couldn’t track.

“Ada can take care of herself, she’s already taken out one of their guys. Abby is who we’re after…if we just follow-” “...What if she’s in trouble? We don’t know what they're doing to her…” Jesse interrupted as he shook his head, huffing in frustration but the older man couldn’t find it in himself to care. They were wasting time! And Tommy needed to move now, if he had any chance to catch her up. Ada would understand that. Of course she would. Wouldn’t she? Would Joel?

“She’ll be fine.” Tommy decided. “They wont hurt her while they’re trying to get ahold of Joel. And Abby is behind all of this. We take her out, then this is over. This is our chance.”

“Jesus Christ.” The younger man swore as looked at Tommy with disappointment in his eyes, but he knew he wouldn’t see it from his side. He hadn’t been there that day. Hadn’t seen the hatred in her eyes as she’d beaten his brother to within an inch of his life. Left barely breathing and a shell of his former self. Tommy still felt the pain in his ribs from being held down as they tortured Joel. Even now it still haunted him. And there was no way in hell Tommy was just going to let her walk away.

“The best way to help Ada and Joel is to go after Abby.” He tried as he looked at Jesse with a pleading stare; hoping that he’d relent and agree to come with him. But he saw the determination his Jesse’s eyes that reflected back at him. It was the same look he’d seen in Ellie’s when they’d first learned of Joel’s disappearance. He realized in that moment that Jesse wasn’t doing this for himself. He was doing it for his loyalty to Ellie and his respect for Ada. There was no getting him to change his mind.

“I really hope you get her…” Jesse uttered with a kind smile before he took off towards the direction of the town hall. Tommy nodded in respect for the boy’s resolve as he watched him go before taking off in the opposite direction; as he headed towards the last boat that was left docked. He didn’t know it would be the last time he would ever see Jesse alive.

#the last of us #joel miller #starlessskies writes #writing #the last of us part 2 #joel and ellie #ellie williams #tlou #fanfiction

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starlessskies94 · 2 months

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If I Ever Were To Lose You (Joel & Ellie)

A/N: This one has been in my drafts for way too long, but i finally had the motivation to finish it. I hope you like it. This is obviously based on the flashback finding strings but I've tweak it to make it take place after Joel's attack with the fireflies Enjoy!!

What makes a dad? Ellie wasn't really sure. She'd never known her own father; he had already passed before she was even born. Then again she didn't know much about having a mom either. The closest she'd gotten to that was Marlene, and even then the woman didn't exactly have the best maternal instincts. She'd said so herself when Ellie had found herself bitten, immune and with nowhere else to go.

She figured Joel was kinda like a dad. But she'd never called him that. Joel was just...Joel. Right?

He did do dad stuff she supposed. He taught her how to shoot; how to craft weapons on the road, how to swim, how to play guitar and a thousand other things she could go on listing. He always kept an eye out for more comics while on patrol or supply runs because he knew they were her favourite. Not to mention the best freaking birthday she'd ever experienced when she turned sixteen.

But then he had lied and she had been so angry. So betrayed and hurt by everything that he had done without her knowledge. Taking away any and all responsibility and choices that had rightfully been hers. In the two years the teen had distanced herself; she could still never bring herself to outright hate Joel for what he had done. There were days she'd sit alone, idle fingers strumming against the strings of her guitar and lose herself in thought.

A string of endless questions raced through her mind. But the one she was always left with was:

Did Joel regret what he had done?

She eventually got her answer that night on the porch. The night she'd finally had the strength to reach out and try to heal some of the wounds that now scarred their relationship. The night before she'd almost lost him for good.

The moment she realised just how stupid this whole fucking argument had been. She didn't need to remember what had happened that day. She relived it every time she slept, it was forever burned into her mind for eternity.

She'd wanted nothing more than to go after those fuckers for almost taking away the only family she had ever known; her anger and pain shaking her down to her core. Never feeling that kind of hate before to the point she was almost scared of how far she'd been willing to go in order to avenge Joel. It quickly brought her to the realisation that was exactly what he must've felt almost losing her. She'd hidden from it for so long...her denial rearing its head to block out the truth that for once there was actually someone who cared enough to stop at nothing to keep her safe.

After months of recovery she'd insisted on going on every patrol Joel was assigned to; there had been no argument from either Tommy or Maria. They understood. And even though Joel had joked that he didn't need to be babysat by the teenage girl; he'd secretly enjoyed being out on the road with her again. The two quickly falling back into their routine of watching each other's back and splitting up to look for supplies and possible stragglers.

It had felt awkward at first; being out again. Finding their way to an old hotel after the road had collapsed; leaving their path blocked. Ellie had offered to crawl in through the small gap by the front door. Making it inside she was quick to take a quick sweep of the place before moving to unlock the door for Joel. She winced with narrowed eyes as the sunlight flooded through the door, greeted by Joel leaning against the doorway.

"Well hello," Ellie said with a smile.

"Howdy," Joel replied, waltzing in through the door. The teen stepped to the side as he walked past, taking a second to adjust his backpack.

"You impressed?" She asked smugly, but Joel just scoffed playfully. "Nope. You're just too skinny, you need to eat more."

Ellie just rolled her eyes and laughed, falling behind Joel's footsteps.

"Pssh...' Gee thanks kiddo, you're super helpful'." She imitated in her own version of Joel's Texan accent. "Oh yeah...no problem, you're welcome dad." She uttered under her breath, Joel paused at her words turning back towards her but she'd already darted into a room to check for supplies. He shuck it off as having misheard her as he moved into the hotel room adjacent to the one Ellie had disappeared into. He continued in his routine, checking the bedside table for supplies before moving across to the dresser, the wardrobe and then the bathroom. All of which had been picked clean. The two met up back in the hallway after coming up empty-handed, the older man looking around for a way to move further through the building.

He made his way towards an old vending machine that he noticed blocking a crumbling doorway.

"Ellie..." He called quietly catching the girl's attention. " I think I see a way through, but we got spores." Ellie nodded, both pulling their mask out of their backpacks. At one point there'd have been a conversation about her immunity but after everything that had happened, there were no more arguments. No more slip-ups. Ellie didn't even need to think as she pulled on her gas mask and followed Joel into the fog of spores. They continued on through the room, though it was difficult to see through the thickness of the fog. She followed closely behind as they both armed themselves.

"You ever been in here before?" She asked quietly; "No, we just paroled the streets." He answered as he peered around the doorway before moving out into the hall. "Feeling like a bit of an oversight now."

Maybe. Ellie thought. They both pushed on. Each taking opposite sides of the hallway, checking room after room. Until eventually the girl stumbled through a hole in a wall to find Joel kneeling by the body of a dead clicker. It had clearly been shot a while back. They had to wonder when the last patrol had come through the area, but given the state of the building and the amount of spores it was hard to tell. Moving on further into the building it brought them out into what looked like the old reception area of the hotel. And the all too familiar sound of infected caught their attention.

"Ellie...c'mere."Joel whispered sharply as they approached the doors. The girl simply shrugged. "Well we are on patrol. Right?" She heard him sighed then saw him nod; as he pushed the door open before creeping in. "Okay. Let's take em' out."

Even after years of hearing it; Ellie still hated the sound they made when they were killed. The gurgled gasps of the runners as their throats were cut, the ear-piercing shrill screeches of the clickers as their necks were broken. It was never something she wanted to get used to. She followed Joel's lead as he continued on, taking them out one by one. She did the same; just as he had taught her. Quick, quiet and clean. She wasted no time diving behind the bar as a runner clad with backpack and camping supplies ambled passed her, grunting to itself. This one had layers; it wouldn't be easy to get a hold of and kill quickly. She had to be smart. Moving swiftly she rounded around the bar and grabbed the runner's backpack and wrenched it backwards, flicking out her knife and driving into it's neck before it had a chance to growl out, alerting the others. Dragging the blade through the windpipe until it cut through to bone, Ellie let the runner flop to the floor dead.

She heaved a breath of relief as her heart raced with adrenaline until it was struck with panic when she realised she'd lost sight of Joel. Hurrying through into the other room, she caught a glimpse of him putting down another runner but he hadn't noticed the clicker stumbling up behind him. "Dad! Behind you!" Ellie moved without a second thought; charging across the room with her gun in hand as she raised it and shot with no hesitation. Joel turned just in time the see his would-be attacker fall to the ground with a dull thud. A single bullet hole shot through it's deformed skull. "You okay? I think that's all of them." She said as she rushed over to check he was okay. He took a gulped breath that trembled for a second as he nodded. "I think so. Good job kiddo."

"Yeah. You too." she smiled not wasting any time in walking ahead into the next room. Joel lingered taking a moment to think over what had just happened. She'd done it again. Hadn't she? She said it again without realising. Or maybe she'd said it on purpose. He wasn't sure. Joel shook his head as he dismissed it once again. No. He was certain he'd misheard again. He must have. Following Ellie through into the other room, they found themselves in the hotel gym. The older man slowing every few steps; his breath shallow and short. He was tired. It had been a long day and he found ever since gaining his injuries; he couldn't walk for long periods of time like he used too. The leg that had been shot was weakened now, it had healed though not thoroughly; muscles were damaged and his knee played up like all hell. And though most had told him it wasn't outright noticeable, he was certainly felt that he had been left with a slight limp afterwards.

It wasn't long before Ellie noticed he was lagging behind as she stopped to give a moment to catch up."Hey...You good?" She asked with her brows creased in concern. But Joel being Joel just chuckled and shrugged the way he always did. "Other than being really old?" He asked nonchalantly. "Ain't nothing a solid night of sleep won't shake off." Ellie nodded, either satisfied with his answer or agreeing, he couldn't tell which. But he was in complete agreement when she voiced her want to leave the place. They'd run into enough trouble for the day.

It was time to go home.

After finally finding their way out of the remains of the hotel, it was already sundown. The low rays of the almost slumbering sun laying it head down to rest below the horizon, cast down a warm haze across the sky of red and orange hues. The colours were painted across the landscape, reflected in the pools of the nearby rivers and lakes. It was breathtaking to all who witnessed its beauty and Joel wasn't paying attention to any of it. His mind was too preoccupied with what Ellie had said. At first he'd dismissed it as mishearing but he was certain the second time he'd heard her right. It couldn't have been misheard as anything else. The words repeated endlessly on a loop in his mind as they headed back towards the horses. He could tell by the way Ellie kept glancing back at him that she could tell something was bothering him.

Should he say something? Honestly Joel wasn't sure. It had taken some time to rebuild their relationship after everything that had happened. Expectedly it had been hard gaining her trust back, but they were getting better. She had become increasingly protective of him after his attack that had almost killed him. She'd never left his side while he recovered and then afterwards he couldn't remember the last time he'd been allowed to go out of town by himself. Always accompanied by either Ellie, Tommy or someone else. And he hadn't minded it, really he didn't. But to hear Ellie call him...that; it had thrown him, he couldn't lie. And yet surprisingly it hadn't bothered him either. Because when it came down to it; Ellie had called him dad. But Joel had also answered to it when she shouted it at him. He hadn't even thought about it. It had been instinct to react. Maybe-

"Joel?" Ellie asked, in a way that suggested it hadn't been the first time she'd tried to get his attention. "Huh?" He uttered; still half distracted by his racing thoughts. "Are you okay? You seem...off." He couldn't help but laugh at her choice of words. Yeah he supposed he was spiralling just a little. To put it mildly. He glanced back at her as she watched him with inquisitive eyes. He took a moment before thinking to hell with it. And tried to take his time to find the right words. "Uh...back there...before...a couple times actually..." He was rambling he knew he was, but didn't know how to say the words he actually wanted to say out loud. What if he upset her? Again. Or she got embarrassed and apologised and swore never to say it ever again. If Joel had a knack for anything; it was saying the wrong thing apparently. "Are you having a stroke?" She said in jest. He just exhaled a laugh through his nose at the playful jab. "It's just...back there...you uh...you called me dad." There he'd said it. Now Ellie could yell at him and he could kick himself all the way back to Jackson for ever starting this conversation. Instead Ellie pulled nervously at her sleeves and suddenly found new fascination in her shoes. "Oh." She whispered as her cheeks blushed. "Yeah. Sorry."

"No! No, don't apologise kiddo. It's fine. I'm not mad or anything." He said the words so quickly; he wasn't even sure they made sense, thankfully Ellie seemed to understand him. Or at least pretended to. "It's just...you kinda are like one right? And I never knew my real one...so...fuck, I made it weird...fucking idiot!" She chastised herself harshly but Joel wasn't about to let her beat herself up over this, he walked over towards her, grabbing her attention as she looked up at him with sadness and tears in her eyes. "It's okay kiddo...honestly...I'd be proud if you were my kid." he saw her eyes light up at the praise and it made his heart ache that there was the possibility nobody had ever told Ellie that before. She was a good kid. And any parent would be proud to have raised someone as brave and smart as her. He rested a hand on her shoulder as he smiled down at her. "And if you want to...call me dad...sometimes...then..." He swallowed hard as he struggled to get his words out. He wasn't ashamed to admit; but his eyes were misting up too. "Then that's okay too." He croaked out as his voice broke. Ellie sniffled at his words and he felt the wind knocked out of him as she bumped into him with a hug. He could feel the damp patches on his shirt as she sniffled again against the tears that fell. But as he returned the hug, he felt lighter for the first time he had in years. These were tears of happiness. Of relief.

"Come on kiddo, let's go home."

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starlessskies94 · 2 months

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@bearrycool

Thank you so much for this rec, I’m only on chapter 4 and I’m loving it!!

And if you have anymore baby Ellie fics (including any where she calls Joel dad because I love that!) please let me know!!! ♥️

Been thinking about what things would've been like if when Joel met Ellie, instead of a fourteen year old, what if she'd been an infant that was immune from birth?

How would that have changed the story?

How would Joel have acted having to look after a toddler in the harsh world outside of Boston QZ?

Would he have changed his mind about taking Ellie to the Fireflies and decide to just raise her as his own? Because if she was no older than two he couldn't exactly ask her opinion on things like he did in Salt Lake City. So would he have just taken her to Jackson and stayed there, hoping that the Fireflies would just assume he died trying to get Ellie to them??

Anyone have any other thoughts on this?

#tlou #the last of us

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starlessskies94 · 2 months

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I miss him.

I miss them.

“I don’t think I can ever forgive you for that..But I would like to try.”

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starlessskies94 · 2 months

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If you want something done right, do it yourself is my favourite 😅

So I was thinking. Maybe AO3 should have a tagline? [image descriptions under the cut]

(dear Archive, if you need marketing volunteers, hit me up)

Keep reading

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starlessskies94 · 2 months

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Also another thought… if Joel and Ellie had arrived at St Mary’s Hospital in one piece with Ellie completely conscious. And Marlene and the others had sat her down and explained that making the vaccine would have killed her and she accepted that and gave her consent for them to go ahead with the surgery…

would Joel have respected Ellie’s decision or would he still have fought it?

Just food for thought.

Been thinking about what things would've been like if when Joel met Ellie, instead of a fourteen year old, what if she'd been an infant that was immune from birth?

How would that have changed the story?

How would Joel have acted having to look after a toddler in the harsh world outside of Boston QZ?

Anyone have any other thoughts on this?

#random thoughts #the last of us #the last of us part one #joel and ellie

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starlessskies94 · 2 months

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Joel: "Not a lot of ammo"

Tess: "Well, make your shots count"

#ugh i love him so much #😫😫😫😫😫#just him and just… his… everything!!!#the last of us #tlou #joel miller #joel the last of us #the last of us joel

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starlessskies94 · 2 months

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Been thinking about what things would've been like if when Joel met Ellie, instead of a fourteen year old, what if she'd been an infant that was immune from birth?

How would that have changed the story?

How would Joel have acted having to look after a toddler in the harsh world outside of Boston QZ?

Anyone have any other thoughts on this?

#random thoughts #the last of us #joel miller #joel and ellie #tlou #ellie williams #the last of us part 2

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starlessskies94 · 2 months

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We all here are Joel Miller apologist. That man loved too much. Sue him for having a heart too big. You know you would've done the same for Ellie and she's not even real in your world. She is in his.

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starlessskies94 · 2 months

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Ugh someone tell me to write because I keep putting off writing this other chapter and I’m really struggling to find motivation!!

#consequence #starlessskies writes #the last of us #joel miller #joel and ellie #writing #the last of us part 2

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starlessskies94 · 2 months

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Mistakes (Ada x Joel)

A/n: A little while ago I got an ask about the possibility of Joel and Ada cheating on each other. While in my main story where two are endgame and I would never have them hurt the other like that because it would break my little writer's heart…I couldn't get the idea out of my head…plus the DRAMA THOUGH!! I was feeling in an angsty mood so…this happened. Sorry :(

Joel sat at the bar slumped over his third glass of whiskey; he and Ada had been arguing again and the fighting had gotten so bad that he couldn’t even remember what had started it. The Tipsy Bison was quiet this time of night and Joel was thankful for that. He didn’t need the whole town sticking their noses in his damn business. Seth had made a few snide remarks at his expense but a stern look and a grumbled ‘Go to hell’ to the bitter old bastard and he’d gotten the message and backed off. Leaving Joel to wallow in peace.

He sighed deeply as the thoughts rushed through his head; taking a swig of his drink.

“Hey Joel, everything okay?” A voice asked, it was Esther, a woman who worked in the hydro plant just outside of Town. He’d met her once or twice before; worked a few patrols here and there but other than that, he’d barely even said two words to the woman. Joel looked up at the woman who approached him and shook his head slightly.

"No...not really..." he muttered before sipping his drink once more, taking a long gulp before he continued. "Things have been a little rough lately..." Joel didn’t know why he was telling her this. Maybe getting things off his chest would ease the knot currently residing in his stomach.

“Oh sorry to hear that, everything okay?” Esther asked as she took a seat beside him at the bar. Joel frowned as he tried to think if he really wanted to open up to this person who was pretty much a stranger to him.

"Just...some personal things..." he said, hoping that she would find that an acceptable answer and move on.

“Are you and Ada fighting again?” She asked tentatively, catching him off guard. His head snapped around as he heard her ask the question...was he that obvious?

"How'd you know?"

“Just a lucky guess I suppose.” She shrugged as she flagged down Seth and ordered her own drink before turning back to Joel. “You know I’ve noticed you around here these last few years; you work hard for the town. And do a lot for patrol.” She said Joel looked a little surprised as she brought up his work and patrol duties. He wasn't really sure where she was going with this.

"Uh…Yeah...I do what I can to keep the peace…making sure things are safe around here..." He uttered. Smiled and Joel knew he was in trouble. “‘Folks appreciate that Joel, they really do.” She said softly before continuing “And I’m sorry that things aren’t going great with your wife right now.” Oh. Perhaps he’d misread the signals. Maybe she was just being polite. Trying to be a friend and offer him an ear to listen to his woes. Usually he and Tommy confided to each other about stuff like this, except…Tommy wasn’t here right now.

"Thanks," Joel muttered as he took another sip of his whiskey.

He was getting sick of the arguing between them. It was exhausting and he was starting to feel like he couldn't handle it anymore. He had really hoped that things would blow over, but now he was worried that this was going to lead to the end of them. Esther seemed to be kind enough to let him talk through his feelings, it wouldn’t be the worst thing to ask her for advice. Would it?

"Hey...can I ask you somethin’?"

“Sure thing.” She said, leaning back on her bar stool.

Joel looked away for a moment, as he tried to figure out if this really was the best question to ask at the moment. He didn't want to make the situation more awkward than it already was.

"Is it normal for married couples to fight this much...? Like...is this normal?"

Esther shrugged, taking another sip of her drink as she chuckled “I don’t know Joel, I ain’t ever been married.” She smiled. Leaning forward and stroking a hand up his arm. “But if you’re ever looking to blow off some steam, my door is always open.” she purred. And Joel went cold.

What?

Joel was taken aback by her blunt words; okay maybe he’d had been reading things right after all. He felt a small shiver when he felt her hand brush further across his arm. She was attractive...but he couldn't...

No...he couldn't. He wouldn’t.

Yet...a part of him wanted to act on this impulse, but he wouldn't because he wasn't that sort of man...He loved Ada and hated himself for even entertaining the idea.

He took another long drink from his glass before speaking again.

"I appreciate the offer...but...I don't think that's a good idea...for obvious reasons..."

Esther shrugged nonchalantly “Your choice, but you know where I am if you change your mind handsome.” She smirked and she walked away. He watched her go and he felt sick, rising to his feet and immediately running home to make up with Ada.

Joel's stomach churned as he rushed home from the bar, his mind flooded with guilt over the idea of entertaining Ester's offer.

He didn't want this...he didn't want to hurt his wife...but there was a part of him that was curious...curious to see if the offer was real...He shook that thought out of his head by the time he made it home. He was going to do the right thing and apologize to his wife.

He rushed in through the door not even bothering to knock. “Ada baby…we need to talk.”

Ada froze at the sight of him. “Joel would are you-“ he cut her off as he took her in his arms and kissed her. “Ada I’m sorry for fightin’, for walkin’ out and tryin’ to drown my sorrows at the bar all night.” Ada looked at him with confusion painted across her features. “Honey, are you okay, you’re shaking…”

“Something happened and I realized that I don’t want anyone else but you. It doesn’t matter what we were fightin’ about, I don’t care whose fault it was, I just want us to be happy.”

Ada smiled lightly “Joel… you’re right.”

There was an instant relief in Joel's face as he felt his wife take his words so well. He was terrified that this conversation would be the final nail in the coffin for their marriage.

"I'm sorry..." he muttered, burying his face into her neck, "I was out of line with how I've treated you...you don't deserve that."

“Joel, I'm the one who was in the wrong. I know you said it doesn’t matter whose fault it was but it was mine and I’m sorry.” She wrapped her arms around his shoulders and kissed him on his temple.

“Can I ask you something though?” She asked, pulling away slightly. Joel nodded "Yes?" he replied, looking directly in her eyes.

“What happened?” She asked with narrow eyes.

The question made Joel's stomach sink suddenly. He hadn't expected her to ask him...and part of him still felt like lying would be the safest option. Yet, he was tired of lying to his wife...and the only way that it would ever be right was to just be honest.

"Esther..she made a pass at him while I was at Seth’s bar." he mumbled, looking away with a sigh, "Don't be upset please..."

Ada nodded solemnly as she turned towards the door. “Esther huh?” She hissed bitterly. “I’m not upset…I’m just going to kill her.” She growled.

"Baby please...she's not worth making a big deal over-" he was quick to grab at her arm to keep her from leaving, "...and I put a full stop to it right when she tried to suggest somethin’..."

Ada froze and turned back towards Joel; “What exactly did she say to you?”

Joel swallowed and looked away again as he tried to remember the exact wording that she had used with him. He didn’t want to do this. Not now they were finally making up. But he knew Ada. And there was no way in hell she’d let things go until he told her. He exhaled a heavy defeated sigh as he found new interest in the floor instead of her eyes.

"She said...she said that everyone knew how hard I worked around here...and if I ever needed to 'blow off steam' then her door is always open…”

There he’d told her. He said the words. And as he gathered the courage to look at his wife, he saw a whole new side. She was shaking with anger, her blood boiling.

“So she was offering to sleep with you even though she knows you're married to me and that we were in the middle of a fight?!” Ada sighed “why would she do that?!”

Joel swallowed again as he kept his eyes on the floor as he uttered his next words.

"I-I think she thought that our relationship was in trouble...and I kind of...I kind of did think about going there for a moment… but just thinking about it was enough for me to realize I don't want to be with anyone but you..." Stop talking Joel, stop talking. He chastised himself.

Ada turned cold as she heard Joel’s words gazing at him with wide eyes. “What?” She breathed, “What do you mean you thought about going over there? Were you…tempted to sleep with her?” She asked with tears in her.

Joel flinched and he felt a hot rush of shame wash over him as he watched the way his words impacted her.

"I uh..." he muttered after a long breath, " I would have never gone through with it...I swear...I just wanted to pretend for a moment that everything was okay...that I could just forget about our fight and everything that's been happening recently and act like nothing was wrong..."

Ada scoffed, “Are you fucking kidding me?!” She cried. “How would you feel if I said I thought about sleeping with another man?” She asked in tears

He frowned, “Of course I would be hurt..." he mumbled, looking away as he struggled to even think of what to say at this moment, "But I promise...I would have never gone through with it...I love you..."

“How can I believe that you love me when you’ve just admitted that you thought about cheating on me? How could I ever trust you after that?” Ada spat at him, her heart breaking. Joel couldn't bear hearing this. He had really screwed up this badly then there was no way that he could ever earn back her trust.

"I didn’t mean it like that…it just made me feel…goddamn it I don’t know…" he said again, "Ada just...please…"

He tried to hug her but she pulled away and he felt hopeless as he watched his wife fall apart because of him. “No, I’m done Joel. I don’t think I can ever forgive you for this.” Ada cried.

There was an instant wave of despair that shot through him when he realized that all hope was lost.

"Please..." he said again, this time practically pleading for her to give him a chance.

She laughed harshly through her tears as she roughly wiped at them with her sleeve. “If you want comfort then go find Esther; because you’ll get nothing from me!” She said bitterly. “We’re over Joel..”

"I don't want Esther!" he said quickly, his voice getting louder as the desperation rose within him, "She's nothing compared to you...I just..."

He fell to his knees, looking up at her with eyes that were pleading her to forgive him, "Please...you don't understand how much I love you..."

Ada gasped a broken sob as she wiped at her eyes “I know how much you love me and I love you but I don’t think I can trust you anymore. I’ll make things work with Ellie so we can keep things normal for her but you and me; we’re done.” She said finally.

Joel slowly pushed himself back up from the floor, his body feeling numb as he realized he had just destroyed his family.

The hours seemed to drag as Joel found himself right back where he started. Sitting at the bar with number…he didn’t even remember anymore; of another glass of whiskey. The pain was too much. The alcohol wasn’t working anymore no matter how much he drank. He just wanted to make it stop, make it all go away. Even for just a moment. He found himself walking, his feet carrying him without even really thinking about where he was heading. When found himself knocking at Esther’s door, he felt as if he were in a daze the entire time...all he wanted was to feel what he once had with Ada...if he couldn't have her then at least he could find something else to numb the pain.

His hands were shaking as he stood at the door and finally after a few minutes he heard a small voice, "Coming."

Esther opened the door, her eyes widening as she saw him. "You came back?" she asked in amused shock.

"Yeah..." he muttered after a long pause, “Does that offer of yours still stand..." he stepped into her house and took a breath,

Esther's surprise was evident as she took in his question. She had been a little taken aback by the fact that he had actually come, yet now that he was there...

"It does..." she replied with a grin, stepping to the side to let him in.

Joel nodded, feeling a bit of a sense of relief come over him as he finally felt like something was going his way for a change. She seemed like she could make him forget about everything that was wrong in his life and that was all he needed right now.

Esther led him into her bedroom and to her bed, laying down as she tried to lure him towards her.

Joel's breathing was getting heavier as he followed along, this was a mistake...a big mistake...he told himself as he got closer.

Yet he kept going, he knew there was no turning back now and he couldn't bear to even think about how much he hated himself as his body was pressed up against hers.

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What a mistake.

It was the most idiotic thing he had ever done, yet the warmth of Esther's body was all he wanted in that moment.

And it left him feeling sick.

Joel was torn by the two sides.

One told him that this was wrong, that he needed to get back and try and fix things with Ada.

Yet the other...the selfish side of him was telling him to stay there for a little while longer...to forget about everything that had just happened.

He got dressed and left; disgusted with himself for betraying Ada like that…

Meanwhile Ada rushed through the streets looking for Joel. It was heading into the early hours of the morning and she had debated all night whether to go after him or hope he would come back on his own. She hated fighting. But Joel had hurt her with the stupid things he’d said. He’d been drunk and idiotic to the point of trying to be too honest in order to avoid another argument, only to cause one anyway.

He’d been flattered by her offer. That was what he’d meant to say. His drunken brain not being able to say the right words. Ada knew him enough to know that. She’d be lying to herself if she said that she hadn’t even looked at other men or even found them attractive but never in a million years would she ever act on it.

She’d been searching for him for what felt like hours to apologize for their fight getting out of hand, for overreacting. She loved and trusted Joel and she needed to tell him that.

But when she saw him leaving Esther's house adjusting his shirt, she froze, her whole body turning cold.

They stopped and stared at each other. They both knew what he had done.

“Joel….please tell me you didn’t...” Ada uttered with a sob.

Joel stopped and looked back at her, his heart sinking as she spoke. This was it...He slowly nodded his head and looked away from her, unable to even keep eye contact.

"I'm sorry..." he whispered…

#the last of us #starlessskies writes #joel miller #the last of us part 2 #writing #tlou #fanfiction #ada x joel

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