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stolethekey · 3 years
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i woke up just in time, now i wake up by your side
hello! this is for the (final!) @b99fandomevents—i can’t believe how far these two (and this show) have come, and i’m gonna miss them so much. i got to write this for @amydancepants-peralta, who wanted a fic where jake and amy have a disatrous first date, and then amy decides to transfer to chicago—jake has three days to convince her to stay.
enjoy! (you can also read this on ao3.)
It’s their first date, and it’s a disaster.
Neither of them has said anything in the ten minutes since they’ve sat down. Jake buries his nose into the menu, hoping that he looks occupied enough with choosing an entrée to excuse the heavy silence that has settled over the table. A few feet away, in the other side of the booth, Amy does the same thing.
A young man in a pressed suit and tie approaches their table, a small, nervous smile on his face. “Are you all ready to order?”
“Yes!” Amy nearly leaps at the chance to talk to someone who is not Jake. Jake tries not to feel too hurt by the desperate excitement in her voice. “I’ll take the chicken piccata, please.”
Jake lingers around the chicken parmesan but ends up going with a steak, because he’s determined to show Amy and maybe himself that he can eat like an adult. They pass their silk-embossed menus to the waiter, sip their waters, and suddenly it’s too quiet again.
“You got a haircut,” Jake notices, wringing his hands nervously under the table.
“It looks nice.”
“Thanks.”
There is a beat of silence that stretches just a little too long, and then Jake says, “This is awkward.”
Amy chokes out a laugh. “Yeah.”
Another moment passes. Jake swallows the non-existent saliva in his mouth. Their waiter, mercifully, returns with their food a few minutes later. Jake doesn’t want him to leave. He does, of course, and then they’re left in that terrible silence again.
Jake makes it through half his steak before speaking again. “Should we, um, just get really drunk?”
Amy grimaces, reaching for her water. “I don’t think so.” Her voice is quiet, almost defeated. “If we can’t do this sober, what’s the point?”
Something twists uncomfortably in Jake’s stomach, but he stabs his fork into his a piece of broccoli anyway. - It’s the day after their first date, and Amy asks for a transfer.
Jake learns about this through a wail from the evidence lockup that he hears from a good twenty yards away. He bursts through the door, frantic, to find Charles curled in a ball on the ground, rocking back and forth.
Charles gets out the details in between sobs, or at least enough details that Jake gets most of the picture. Amy put in a transfer to Chicago, it’s been granted on account of an emergency vacancy that needs to be filled, and she has three days left at the Nine-Nine.
“Three days,” Charles gasps, tears streaming out of his eyes. “Three days, you have to convince her to stay, Jake, you have to—”
“Hold on,” Jake says desperately, watching Charles dab at his face with a completely saturated tissue. “Let me get you another box of Kleenex.”
He opens the door to leave and runs straight into the source of Charles’s despair, in the flesh.
“Oh,” says Amy.
Jake closes the door behind him before Charles can see her and have a heart attack, then crosses his arms. “Is it true? Are you leaving?”
Amy has the grace to look self-conscious, shuffling her feet and shoving her hands in her pockets. She nods, and Jake feels strangely like the walls are swimming around him.
It just makes sense, she says. She has family there, and New York is too crowded, too expensive, and maybe Chicago is a better place to live anyway.
“Is this because of me?” Jake demands. “Because of…you know…our date?”
“No, of course not.” She doesn’t look at him as she says it.
Jake scoffs before stalking past her into the bullpen, ignoring her half-hearted call of his name. He blinks back the hot, furious tears forming in his eyes, and internally he starts a calendar. - On Day One, Jake calls in sick to work.
He responds to the “r u ok??” texts from Charles, Rosa, Gina, and Terry with a copy-and-pasted “I’m ok. Just feeling gross.” He ignores the ones that mention Amy. He also pretends like he doesn’t notice that Amy hasn’t sent him anything.
The morning is spent mindlessly scrolling through his social media beneath his blankets, with no regard for time or his grumbling stomach.
At noon, Charles posts a picture of the squad from Halloween with the caption “Gonna miss my favorite Halloween-hater. #SayonaraSantiago.” Jake decides he’s had enough Instagram for the day and finally hauls himself out of bed.
He orders a pizza, then turns his phone off and the TV on. Inadvertently, the pizza becomes both lunch and dinner and one Die Hard movie becomes a marathon—and before he knows it, the sky outside his apartment is dark.
“Well, that was productive,” Jake mutters, brushing the pizza crumbs off his lap before standing up to toss his trash into the garbage.
On Day Two, they aren’t talking to each other.
Amy looks up almost timidly as he walks out of the elevator, then waits until he reached his desk to let out a small, hesitant “Hi.”
Jake grabs the file waiting for him on his desk and walks out of the bullpen without looking at her.
So, strictly speaking, this is mostly his fault.
That fact does not do anything to quell the mixture of anger and hurt writhing in his stomach. He spends the day furiously completing paperwork in an empty interrogation room, jabbing his pen so furiously into the paper that he rips a hole in an I-918 and has to start over.
At noon, Rosa stops by with a turkey sub, which she drops wordlessly on the desk in front of him before sliding back out the door.
At five, he has completed more paperwork than he has in the last month combined. He drops the stack of files on Terry’s desk, forces a smile, and says, “Finally caught up on all those forms you’ve been hounding me about.”
Terry, his eyes piercing and slightly concerned, does not laugh. “Dismissed.”
It’s Day Three, and Holt has had enough.
He assigns Jake and Amy to label evidence in the lockup together, much to Jake’s chagrin. Amy turns and speeds off without a word. Jake turns towards Holt with a big, reproachful protest on the tip of his tongue but is cut off by Holt’s raised eyebrows and stern expression.
“Peralta, you need to get over yourself.”
“What?”
“You need to get over yourself,” Holt repeats. “Your partner of six years is leaving tomorrow, and you haven’t spoken to her in three days.”
Jake snorts, crossing his arms defensively. “Yeah, well, she’s leaving because of me, so—”
“I’m not sure that matters,” Holt says, not unkindly. “If you let her leave like this, you might never get the chance to talk to her again.”
Jake stares at the ground, furiously attempting to dig a hole in the ground with his toe.
“I know you don’t want this to be the way things end.” Holt’s voice is gentle, and Jake can’t bring himself to look up. “It would be unwise to let your pride get in the way of your last chance to save your friendship.”
“Whatever,” Jake mutters irritably, but something uncomfortable has begun to form in his gut. “Gimme that Sharpie so I can go write case numbers on a bunch of ziplock bags.”
Jake does not, in fact, get over himself—at least not for the first few hours. He chooses to instead label evidence in the same furious silence that has occupied his past three days, pretending he doesn’t see the furtive, almost timid glances Amy throws his way every few minutes.
Then he walks to a bodega for lunch and realizes mid-chew that this is Amy’s last lunch at the Nine-Nine, and the uncomfortable thing in his stomach grows a lot bigger.
He finally swallows his pride on his walk back to the precinct, and when he re-enters the evidence lockup the thing in his stomach has started feeling a lot more like guilt.
Amy walks in a few minutes after him, tossing a balled-up sandwich wrapper into the trash, and notices that he’s watching her. “You have something to say to me?”
“Yeah, actually,” Jake says quickly. “I do.”
She crosses her arms and narrows her eyes, and Jake’s heart sinks a little.
“I—uh—I’m sorry,” Jake says. “For how I reacted, and for icing you out the past few days. It was immature of me, and stupid, and I should’ve been an adult about it, but—well, I guess we both know I suck at that sometimes.”
Amy snorts, but her expression has softened slightly. “Thank you.”
“And I’m gonna make it up to you,” Jake continues, almost determinedly. “We’re gonna make this the best day you’ve ever had at the Nine-Nine.”
Amy laughs slightly. “I don’t think that’s possible, given the amount of work we have left.”
“Who cares?” Jake shrugs. “The best part of work has always been the people anyway.”
And for all the organizational skills Jake may lack, he sure knows how to delegate. All it takes is a couple text messages to a new, Amy-less precinct group chat and the rest of the Nine-Nine is off. Gina cashes in on a favor and gets Shaw’s to close its doors for the evening. Rosa makes a last-minute motorcycle trip to a local party store and uses a sizable amount of cash and her surprising aesthetic skill to acquire a large box of decorations. Charles says, “leave the food to me,” and no one is brave enough to question him about it.
Jake stays with Amy on the floor of the evidence lockup. They talk and laugh as they work, reminiscing about their years at the Nine-Nine and the particularly memorable perps they’ve brought in.
There’s also a supercut of the stuff that wasn’t work at all—the precinct parties, Charles saving Thanksgiving, the Boyle-Linetti wedding. There are the Halloween heists, the Jimmy Jabs, and there’s the Bet, with a capital B. Neither of them mentions the last one, but Jake is definitely thinking about it.
“Remember that time Terry tried to do the full bullpen and almost knocked a tooth out?” Amy asks, grinning widely. “I thought Sharon was gonna pull him out of the force immediately.”
“You have no faith,” Jake says, shaking his head. “I knew she’d let him stay.”
“You did not.” Amy points at him, narrowing her eyes. “You were so scared when she came to pick him up.”
“I was not—”
“So scared. I’ve never seen a grown man visibly tremble like that, but—”
“God, shut up.” Jake throws a balled-up piece of tape at her, and she laughs. It’s a real one, this time, one that’s bright and infectious.
They let it fade into a gentle silence, one that’s more comfortable than the ones of the past few days.
There’s a beat, and then Jake says, “Don’t go to Chicago.”
He expects Amy to be surprised by this change of subject—to recoil and give an affronted, “what?”
Instead, she sighs, long and slow, and closes the manila folder in front of her. “Jake—”
“I mean, I know it’s your decision, and I respect that,” Jake says quickly. “And if you truly meant what you said to me earlier, about how it’s important to be near your family and it’s a better place for you to live and you’ve grown out of New York—if that’s really the reason you’re leaving, then that’s fine. Just tell me, and I’ll shut up about it and we can just have a big blowout goodbye party and you can leave.”
Amy picks at the edge of her boot and says nothing.
“But if it’s not—if you’re leaving because of what happened on our date—I don’t want to be the reason you give this up, Amy. I know how much you love it here, and this place loves you too. Captain Holt is a phenomenal mentor to you, we both know that, and you might not get that in Chicago—you’ve done so much good work here that I know you’re proud of, and I can’t be the reason you don’t have that anymore.”
Amy looks at him, her eyes a stormy mix of unreadable emotions, but still doesn’t say anything.
“Look,” Jake says, splaying out his hands in front of him. “That date was kind of a disaster, we both know that. And I think it’s because we were both trying too hard, because we cared too much. Because we’re friends, Amy, and that’s what’s most important to me.”
He takes a deep breath, then says, “I don’t care if we never date. I don’t care if I never get to hug you, or kiss you, or do any of the things I’ve so desperately wanted to do. I just can’t lose your friendship. You’re the best partner I’ve ever had, and an even better friend, and I would be more than happy to just be friends with you for the rest of my life. God knows it’s more than I deserve.”
“You deserve plenty,” Amy says softly.
Jake swallows the way that makes his chest flutter. “I’m just saying—I’m laying my cards all out on the table, here. I want you to stay, and I respect it if you don’t want that. But please don’t let me be the reason for you leaving.”
There’s a beat of silence, and then Amy gives him a small, wistful smile that says everything Jake needs to hear.
“Okay,” he says, taking a deep breath and wiping his hands on his jeans. “Party at Shaw’s it is, then.”
Amy slaps the last label on a duffle bag, checks her watch, and stands. “I’m actually taking off early—I need to clear up some stuff at City Hall before I leave. I’ll meet you there?”
“Oh,” Jake says, a little dumbfounded.
Amy notices his expression and shakes her head quickly. “No, it’s not—I mean, this has been settled for days, Holt knows, I was always leaving at three today. So it’s not, like, spontaneous, you know. I would’ve told you earlier, but—"
“I was being an ass. Yeah.”
Amy gives him that little sad smile again, and Jake wants to kick a wall. “I’ll see you at the bar,” she says, almost gently.
Jake forces a smile and nods. “Yeah. Looking forward to it.” - When he pushes through the doors of his favorite bar a few hours later, Jake is expecting loud music, streamers, and—if Gina’s Instagram stories were credible—possibly Mario Lopez. Instead, the bar is completely empty.
There are no balloons, no decorations—the only set table is in the middle of the floor, and on it sits a pizza, two salads, and two glasses of water.
“What—what is this?” Jake mutters, mostly to himself.
“A dinner between two friends,” Amy says, emerging from behind the bar. She gives him a small, slightly nervous smile. “And if it goes well, a second date.”
Jake blinks.
“You were right,” Amy tells him, carrying a bottle of wine and two wine glasses to the table. “Our friendship is the most important thing, here, and it means a lot to both of us. I mean, that’s why we were trying so hard in the first place, right? Neither of us wanted it to fail.”
Jake nods in silent assent, not trusting whatever his mouth would say if he let it.
“But it did fail. Miserably.”
“Uh-huh,” Jake says, somewhat stupidly.
“So the worst thing that could happen has already happened, and we’ve gotten through it. And I think—I think, now, having gone through the past few days, we know enough to give it another shot. As long as we set very clear boundaries.”
“Boundaries,” Jake repeats. “Boundaries are good.”
“Yeah,” says Amy with a slightly amused smile. “So, we’re friends. Really good friends. And that’s what we have to protect, above anything. So this is not necessarily a date. It’s a dinner, and we’re a pair of very good friends who are gonna eat it. And if we want to, afterwards, we can decide to call it a date.”
“Can you do that?” Jake asks. “Label something a date after it’s already happened?”
“Who cares?” Amy smirks. “Since when have you followed rules?”
Jake swallows and shrugs.
“Anyway, if it’s awkward, or weird, then we move past it. It’s a slightly awkward moment between friends that doesn’t have to mean anything. No more silent treatment, no more rash decisions, just two friends who are still friends afterwards. Got it?”
“Afterwards,” Jake says slowly. “So—Chicago—”
“Yeah, I’m not going,” Amy says, her eyes sparkling. “That was a dumb thing I did to avoid this guy I went on a terrible date with.”
A broad grin starts to make its way across Jake’s face. “He sounds like he sucks.”
Amy laughs, then pulls out a chair and points at it. “So—pizza?”
The grin on Jake’s face softens into something smaller, something gentler. “Definitely.”
They each take a slice, then a bite, and Jake will never admit it—but it’s the best Meat Supreme he’s ever tasted.
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stolethekey · 3 years
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“Jake, are you crying?” “No…YES!”  First Look at the LAST Season (x)
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stolethekey · 3 years
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no you dont understand, i’m obsessed with him
no you dont understand i’m obsessed with him
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stolethekey · 3 years
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The Black Widow movie highlights all the problems I had with the way Joss Whedon approached the forced hysterectomy aspect of Nat’s background.
As Yelena notes when she shows Nat her vest- the girls of the Red Room don’t have bodily autonomy. They can’t make any decisions for themselves. The hysterectomy bit in the plane acts as a very vile and vivid example of this.
Joss Whedon chose to put all his focus on the “no kids” angle instead of the bodily autonomy angle. In his eyes the horror was the absence of child bearing, not the absence of choice. To him- it’s a given that all the girls in Red Room would’ve had babies if their lives had gone differently- bc women who can’t have children are monsters and societal outcasts.
When Nat inquired about Yelena wanting kids she replied that she wanted a dog. I take this as Yelena doesn’t want kids, BUT she still mourns the loss of that choice. She resents how she never had a chance to come to that realization herself. Which, for most women, will hit home more than just “shes infertile and it’s the worst possible thing that could happen to her.”
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stolethekey · 3 years
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daniel sousa » Agent Carter 2.08 “The Edge of Mystery”
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stolethekey · 3 years
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Natasha Romanoff & Yelena Belova parallels | Black Widow (2021), dir. Cate Shortland
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stolethekey · 3 years
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I mean, don’t get me wrong, it’s a job. If jobs were fun, they wouldn’t pay us to do it. But occasionally there were moments that weren’t so bad. And for whatever reason, those are the only things I can remember right now. You know, most jobs suck 99% of the time. So you really… really gotta enjoy those moments that don’t.
Those bits of fun you have during downtime. Or an interesting conversation with a coworker. Or something happens that you can laugh about later. Or you do something that you’re actually proud of. If you’re lucky, maybe you even get to be friends with a coworker or two along the way. Not sure what else you could want in a job.
At any rate, thank you for shopping with us. Cloud 9 is now closed.
SUPERSTORE (2015-2021) 1.01 Pilot | 6.14, 6.15 Perfect Store, All Sales Final 
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stolethekey · 3 years
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#are you kidding me
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stolethekey · 3 years
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me on a date
date: did u like the movie??
me: i mean….it was good but not as good as captain america: the winter soldier (2014) directed by anthony and joe russo 
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stolethekey · 3 years
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😩👌
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stolethekey · 3 years
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snatched yo “i’m not like other girls” ass real quick!!!
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stolethekey · 3 years
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Instagram ads are like here is a sexy feminist razor and a sexy feminist push up bra and sexy feminist leggings to enhance your sexy feminist ass 🙌🏽 if you support women please remove your body hair and get your tits out immediately!
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stolethekey · 3 years
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“You know what they did to me…for being a hero?”
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stolethekey · 3 years
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Here we go again, huh? Sharon’s first scene in Captain America: The Winter Soldier (2014) | The first glimpse of Sharon in The Falcon and The Winter Soldier (2021)
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stolethekey · 3 years
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i know it’s been said before but no book character will literally ever be as iconic as peeta “if it weren’t for the baby” mellark. like in book 1 when he confesses to having a crush on katniss on live televsion, that’s strategic. he knows he won’t win the games but he can help keep katniss safe and send her home and get district 12 a victor. but in book 2 he’s like “well we’re all gonna die and there’s no stopping the games so i’m just gonna fuck shit up and make every capitol official’s life a living hell for as long as i can” and then he does. nobody is doing it like him
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stolethekey · 3 years
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if there’s one thing the mcu knows how to do it’s chaotic trios
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stolethekey · 3 years
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Pick some Taylor Swift lyrics and I'll give you a book rec!!
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