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project-sekai-facts · 4 months

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How are we feeling about ensekai’s emu3 translation!!! (I’m mad)

(if you remember the 3 whole posts i made when asahi got de-gayed on EN you'll know i am mad too and that this is probably going to get long)

i don't like to be too cynical but it was so obvious that they were going to change that line, i had a feeling since the event first released on JP and after the incident with Asahi where I went through and tracked down multiple other examples of EN removing queer subtext it became clear to me that in no way shape or form was "emu-chan really loves nene-chan" making it to EN without getting changed. what i didn't expect was them changing Nene's line after Luka's comment, which actually makes this whole situation far worse than many of their other instances of toning down queer subtext.

for anyone who isn't aware of what happened, in chapter 5 of the current Emu event, there's a scene where Nene, Rui and the Virtual Singers are talking about what would cheer Emu up. The vsingers all talk about how much Emu loves spending time with Nene, leading to the following exchange

If you look for them, any fan TL of this scene will be something similar to this:

Luka: ...Fufu. Emu-chan really loves Nene-chan, doesn't she? Nene: Th-that's nothing special...

EN's official translation is this:

So what's the issue? I'll start with Luka's part. In the original text, she uses the word daisuki, which can mean to "like a lot" or "love". It's a word you will see frequently in the idol/idol-adjacent genre of games, due to its ambiguity in that it can be read as either platonic or romantic when used towards a person, and often will be used in ambiguous situations so that it's harder to confirm the writers' intentions either way. so here, fans of the emu/nene ship could view the fact that emu loves spending her time with nene as more on the romantic side, but people who don't like the ship could view it as platonic and move on.

while they didn't translate daisuki directly, Luka's line still works, and still contains the ambiguity that works as ship tease in the original text. it's a perfectly fine localisation that still conveys the original intent. despite that, there is something to be said about EN's consistent refusal to translate daisuki as love in most instances when it's not used on An/Kohane (but then again, EN has literally teased An/Kohane on their twitter account so is it all that surprising?).

Here's some examples:

Aibou no koto ga daisuki de / he loves his partner -> he cares about his partner very much (The Power of Unity chapter 7 when Kaito is comparing Arata to Akito and Toya)

HARUKA-CHAN, DAISUKI DAYOOOO!!! / HARUKA-CHAN, I LOOOOOVEEE YOU!!! -> You're the best!!! (Dear Me, As I Was Back Then chapter 4 when minori is at an ASRUN concert. this one isn't actually that great of a localisation)

Honachan no koto daisuki dakara. Kore de iinda yo. / I love Honachan, so this is fine. -> I want what's best for her. And this is it. (Leo/need main story chapter 14 after Saki tells Honami she won't bother her anymore)

Minna daisuki de - taisetsuna tomodachi na no / I love them all - they're my dearest friends -> They're all amazing, and very dear to me. (Leo/need main story chapter 17. this isn't good either)

What's particularly amusing about that last one is that there's a second official translation for it that I assume was done by JP staff (since EN never promoted doing the Journey to Bloom subs like they did back when they provided subs for Petit SEKAI) that actually keeps the word daisuki as love.

Yeah. I love all my friends - and they mean the world to me.

It's a better localisation than the official EN team one.

Questionable localisation choices aside, Luka's line is fine and is actually in line with the original. The issue with this localisation very much lies with Nene's part, because that is an entirely new line.

In the original text, Nene's "that's just normal" or "that's nothing special" or however you choose to TL it, is meant to be her questioning Luka's statement, since all the things that the other vsingers said that Emu liked were pretty normal things like going shopping and playing video games with nene. To Nene, these things are normal activities for them to do together, so she gets embarrassed by the fact that Luka concludes from that information that Emu loves Nene. When I dissect it like that I think you can really tell what the writers were going for here lol.

"That's just us being friends" does still convey the idea that Nene thinks these activities aren't anything out of the ordinary and she isn't sure why the vsingers are picking these out as some of Emu's favorite things to do, but it's very different from the original line. "But those are just normal things we do together" is something I just came up with on the spot, but it's a lot closer to the original text and still conveys the same meaning. The fact they changed the line to "that's just us being friends" is, honestly, not even subtle that they're covering up queer subtext. The original scene was very clearly written in as ship tease, and EN mentioning "friends" for no reason, especially since the word nor anything close to it was not used in the original, is instantly a red flag because it's like the go-to for queerbaiting and censorship. This was intentional. There was no need for them to specify that the relationship is platonic, Luka's part is ambiguous for a reason so that fans can view it how they like.

Just to top all this off, here's Rin's original line just before that Luka+Nene interaction:

Oh, and! And! She said that playing games with Nene-chan is also super fun!

And here's Rin's line from the official EN translation:

That's not the same thing, but even more weirdly, the incorrect part (super fun->really loves) is a correct translation for the part changed in Luka's line. So, they can do it, they are willing to say "really loves", just not in the right places. Maybe because Rin's part is less personal than Luka's part? It's strange actually, this isn't the first time they've done this either. Off the top of my head I can think of an example from Shiho's Varied Kindness 2* story where they translated the word "suki" as really loves, despite that being much stronger than the original word used (and the fact that daisuki is used a lot in the Leo/need stories and it's incredibly rare if not entirely unknown for them to translate it correctly).

It's not subtle that they're trying to remove implications of the characters possibly being queer, they did it in curtain call and they did it in walk on and on, and multiple times before then too. And considering some of the content in this year's events and the amount of times they say daisuki alone, it's gonna keep happening. honestly i hate the fact that i keep trying to justify the translations in these posts. these translations are intentional. what happened in the curtain call translation back in october says enough. when a character who uses explicitly romantic language towards another guy passes as a straight character in the translation you know they're doing it on purpose.

oh and once again, it's only the EN server that has this issue. The scene in question was translated almost word-for-word on the TW and KR servers.

read fan translations. they're better than what EN gives us and people put a lot of effort into them.

#since the EN translation qualifies as a leak i am scheduling this to post when the event drops #asks #mod talks #i'm going to leave this in the tags because i don't want to make the post any longer #but something that's been really annoying to see recently on twt has been the gradual uptick of players saying that there's no queer #characters/subtext/etc in the game outside mizuki being trans. and i do wonder if EN's consistent habit of toning down #or outright removing moments of heavy subtext and other more ambiguous shiptease moments has anything to do with it.#that or people live under a rock because even EN keeps most of An and Kohane's relationship intact and there's still plenty of #moments that were impossible to edit or tone down due to being plot relevant or being part of longer interactions that wouldn't make sense #if part of it was changed. like the An wedding event.#eh maybe people are just ignorant.#but anyway it does bug me immensely that EN-only players are getting a censored version of the game. it's 2024. staff can do better.#also like i mentioned in the part about rin. they /add in/ things occasionally. so why the hell are they removing so much?

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quinns-art-box · 3 months

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(late) for gonta week day 3: friendship/promise!! because i am biased towards my faves i think about gonta and kaede postgame friendship often…. they both promised to end it, promised to keep everyone safe, but at least for now they can promise to be there for each other (and to get some rest)

plus more friends yayyyy i want them to hang out!!!

@gontagokuhara-week

#danganronpa #danganronpa v3 #gonta gokuhara #kaede akamatsu #kiibo #miu iruma #kaito momota #himiko yumeno #gontagokuharaweek2024 #i absolutely jumped at the chance to draw silly character interaction btw HFGDHJFGHJD #even though kaede's a little bit rude to him in the ftes....... i will cut her some slack they literally just met #kaede could listen to him talk about bugs she could love a bug......#she could understand him way better postgame after their shared trauma & shared sense of guilt like they shouldve done better.......#he tearfully apologizes to her for not keeping their friends safe & shes like you don't have a single thing to be sorry about i should be-#and he's like no you don't either. and they hug

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iwritenarrativesandstuff · 1 year

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When discussing or analyzing Dazai, one thing I hope you will keep in mind when reading anything I write about him is that from my perspective, he is always, always both.

What do I mean by this? Well, I find there tends to be a general split among people who hold the opinion that "he's a manipulator and will always be manipulative" and "he's doing his best to be good and helpful and live up to Oda's last wishes for him", of which, neither is completely right - because he is both. But even among the people who hold to this dual-nature interpretation, I find that his individual actions and motivations still tend to be thought of in a dichotomous manner - is it manipulative, or genuine?

Again, I think it's always both.

Dazai has a very pragmatic view on a lot of things - he is always looking for the usefulness of things and people so that the situation turns out in his favour. He's incredibly adept at this, and his prediction and placement and careful reveals are all manipulation tactics to get his allies and enemies doing exactly what he needs them to. I don't think anyone can contest this since we see it over and over in the series.

But that's not all there is to it. He's not solely manipulative and he does, to some extent, sympathize with others - I think there are several instances of this in the series, but I want to stress that this has been apparent since Chapter 1!

For context, Dazai is recalling what Atsushi said to him a few minutes earlier, but it's very interesting that it should be this specific part of the conversation. He could've flashed back to the part where Atsushi said he had nowhere to go; no money, no food - he is about to trick him into joining, after all, and this is the key piece he uses to basically force Atsushi into the Agency. But instead it's Atsushi's self-deprecation that catches his attention, and it really does, because even during the conversation, he turns to look at him after he says this with an odd expression.

You could say that this makes Atsushi easier to manipulate, if that's your angle, but that can't be solely it, because in the later conversation with Hirotsu, we know Dazai was planning to bring Atsushi into the Agency and set him up as one half of the new Double Black the moment he met him. The panel shown there is the riverbank, set much earlier in the day than this scene. He was already planning to pair him with Akutagawa since he figured out he was the tiger, so what's with this reaction?

Well. Sometimes the simplest explanation is the best.

He manipulated Atsushi into joining with the intention of utilizing him in his future plans. He also helped him and gave him a place to belong, and importantly, he likes this kid! It's both.

I think much of it might be that his brain just kinda works way too fast - he's such a natural at crafting these elaborate plots and seeing how things connect and gathering useful people like resources that it's practically automatic - though this is not a great means when you're trying to be a kinder person. There's an omake, I believe, that has him saying "I like using my head for justice", i.e. using these underhanded means to act for the better. Not great, but those are the kind of gifts he has. He's way more suited to exploitation, but is choosing to use these tactics to save people now, which is quite reminiscent of what he tells Kyouka. Kyouka's talents lie in killing people - when what you're good at isn't who you want to be, what do you do? Well, I expect you use what you have, even if it's not ideal.

Now, about the current situation with Sigma - I think he definitely likes him, and is intrigued by him and his situation. We did get a little thought bubble where the guy amusedly compares him to Atsushi, and you can't tell me he doesn't care about Atsushi (listen to the onsen drama cd, or read 55 Minutes if you somehow don't believe me). But also, it's undeniable that Sigma is in a very vulnerable position of being homeless and having had no one be genuinely kind to him before. His trust is very easy to earn, and with the latest chapter, Dazai has now saved his life multiple times. There is, as always, a practical purpose he needs him for. And I have to be somewhat amused because Dazai is quite literally telling Sigma everything he ever wanted and needed to hear. It's a brilliant means of quickly endearing himself to Sigma - but I don't think that's all it is.

Look. The most honest moments we get in this series from Dazai are, interestingly for an expert manipulator, when people are at their most vulnerable. In spite of every pointlessly cruel act he inflicted on Akutagawa, his first meeting with him was open and transparent; much like the orphanage director, it seems he thought this treatment would make him strong and adaptable (he's wrong but that's not the point of this). He cuts Kyouka off in irritation and says "don't give me that" when she implies that she would fail the entrance exam. He tells Atsushi it's normal to cry after losing a father figure and to feel however you feel, even if that person caused you nothing but incredible pain and cannot be forgiven. He refuses to entertain Sigma's assumptions that Dazai sees himself as a superior being to him.

Selective honesty can also be utilized to great effect; Mori does this, and undoubtedly it serves this purpose for Dazai too. But I want to stress that I do sincerely believe this is all still honesty from him. Manipulation, or genuine?

Both. It's both.

#or to summarize: Dazai is a gemini (derogatory)#<- said as a fellow gemini (also derogatory)#the few exceptions to the always both rule are basically any of his interactions with odasaku #and the bit in sb where he tells chuuya about what activating corruption will entail #most everything else appears to have a dual reason.#to be clear: there's lots of ways to interpret dazai - but this is the approach i personally use in my analyses #so i'd love it if you guys would read my dazai analyses keeping this standpoint in mind :)#i think instead of debating 'is dazai bad' which is seriously kind of irrelevant to me #i'd love to talk a bit more about how dazai is actually quite helpful but also equally presumptuous about what will help people #we could also talk about the fine line between protectiveness and possessiveness with him too.#or about how drawn he is to kind people who value life likely because he's hoping to find answers or a vicarious experience #anything except the 'is he good or bad' debate. i don't like it. :/#bsd #bsd meta #bsd analysis #bsd dazai #storyrambles #oof i never know how things like this are going to go over.

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screamingatanemptyroom · 3 months

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Please Fix the Story- pt 27 The Higher Realm

Here it is guys, a new part! Not very long, but it's new and I'm happy. Thanks for everyone who waited.

Masterpost linked here for anyone who wants to re-read.

___________________________

*** Soul transfer 25% complete. ***

As the words formed in front of me, I felt a sudden surge of dark power from deep within my soul. It crackled just beneath my skin, an incredible, immeasurable force. I could feel it, knew it was there with a deep certainty I couldn’t explain. But while I could sense the enormity of it, I couldn’t touch it, couldn’t reach it or use it in any way. I stared down at my hand in frustration, wishing I understood what “soul transfer” meant, and how it was connected to this power within me.

“Umm… are you okay?”

A soft voice broke me from my reverie. I glanced up to see Liam staring at me with a look of concern. “If this is a bad time, I can come back later…” He was still extending a hand down to me to help me to stand.

How long have I been sitting here, staring at my hand, like a crazy person?

“Sorry.” I took Liam’s offered hand, sucking in a shocked breath once I did so. There was a sudden connection when our hands touched. Something deep within my soul that had felt empty and alone had filled the moment my hand touched his, like a puzzle piece clicking into place. The connection was strange to me, but at the same time achingly familiar. I shook my head, trying to clear it of the shock, and used his help to stand next to him. I was somewhat surprised to realize how tall he was, his thinner frame disguising his height. I tilted my head back, my eyes meeting his own quietly amused gaze.

“Sorry.” I repeated. “I’m just a little confused and lost.”

“Ah. No worries about that! You’re in good company, I happen to specialize in being lost and confused.” He answered with a smile.

I couldn’t help but laugh at that. “I’m Bel.”

“I know.”

I sighed with relief. “Good, I wasn’t sure, since we looked so different when we last saw each other!”

“You knew that was me?” He blurted out, obviously surprised. “How?”

I tilted my head. “You have the same name? We had coffee? You were the assassin who wasn’t a cat?”

“Ah… Yes! The assassin world. That’s definitely the time I was thinking of, and not any other lower realm.” Nodding enthusiastically, he avoided my curious look, but didn’t step away from our close position.

It was then I realized, somewhat uncomfortably, that I had not let go of his hand after taking it to stand up. With a regret I couldn’t quite explain, I released him, my hand feeling immediately empty and cold. Besides that, I felt a deep fatigue slowly settling in, an unexplainable tiredness as if my energy was slowly being sapped away. It had started from the moment I woke up here, and slowly became more noticeable over time. I looked over at Liam, who seemed unaffected by any similar exhaustion.

There’s something so familiar about him, I feel it even more so than I did in the assassin world. Which reminds me…

BAM!

“Ouch!” Liam rubbed his upper arm where I softly punched him. He looked down at me, confused. “What was that for?”

Avoiding his puppy dog eyes, I forced myself to scowl and explain. “THAT’s for poisoning yourself, you jerk!”

“Oh. That.”

“YEAH THAT! Do you know how hard I cried when I realized what you did? Just casually drinking poison and sneaking off to an alley to die?”

“I’m sorry, I…” He stuttered as he rushed to explain himself. “I didn’t think…”

“Didn’t think what?”

“Didn’t think it would matter.” His voice was neutral, almost carefree, which made the certainty of his words even worse. He truly didn’t think there was anyone who minded that he died in that world. “I’m the villain, Bel. I had to die if that lower realm world was to avoid being destroyed. I didn’t want you to feel sad or guilty, and that seemed the best way.” He paused. “Wait… why did you cry? Weren’t you happy the world was saved?”

I shook my head, resisting the urge to knock some sense into this man. “I cried because I thought you were dead! I thought I would never see you again!”

“You wanted to see me again?” His excited tone threw me off.

“Well… yes, but you’re missing the point!”

“You’re right, I’m sorry.”

“Do you even know why are you apologizing?”

“Because I made you sad when I drank poison and died in the lower realm. So I’ll try my best not to drink poison ever again.” He paused. “Is that right?”

I rubbed my forehead. “Not just poison, Liam, try not to get hurt at all.”

“That would be difficult.” He now had a solemn expression on. “Villains have to have a bad ending for the story to end happily.”

The villain? I felt a dull burning ache in my heart at his words, a memory just beyond reach.

“Why do you think you’re the villain?”

He shrugged. “It’s my role.”

“I don’t think you’re a villain. Villains don’t drink poison to protect a world from being destroyed.”

“I never said I was good at being a villain.”

I sighed at his amused words, and gave up trying to convince Liam for now. Turning away from him, I finally took a good look at my surroundings. The sense of fatigue was growing stronger, I felt dead on my feet, but curiosity overcame the tiredness as I examined my new location.

“Where are we?”

It was a forest, somewhat similar to the one that surrounded the castle in the Higher Realm, but a dark and twisted version. The sunlight around us was a muted, almost grayish light, piercing through the rotting branches, barely reaching the ground that was mixed dirt and dying grass. The trees pierced through the earth, tangled dark wood fighting each other for the slightest hint of light and air. The shadows were just a bit too dark, not matching the objects casting them.

“Is this still the higher realm?”

“…No. I’ve never seen that place, but I heard it’s beautiful. This place is different.” Liam looked around dully.

“It’s not a lower realm though, there’s no story or mission prompt. So where is it?”

“It a separate realm, with a specific purpose.” He was now staring at his feet, avoiding eye contact.

“What purpose?”

“It’s a cage, Bel.” His blue eyes met mine, and I could see the deep sadness within it. “And you can’t stay here.”

I was shocked at that. “You want me to leave?”

“What?!” He almost fell in shock at my words, stumbling over his words as he tried to explain. “No, that’s not what I mean at all! I would love for you to stay! Nothing would make me happier than if you could live here… I mean…” He seemed to realize what he was saying, and flushed with embarrassment. “It’s this place that’s the problem… watch:”

He reached out and touched a tree branch, which fell to pieces in his hand.

“This place destroys life, slowly draining the energy from everything in it until only death remains. Nothing good can survive here.”

That explains the tiredness I felt. For a moment I remembered Adonis showing me a blood red door. What had he called it? “A higher realm like ours. But a place of pure evil.” He told me something similar at the time, that nothing good could survive there. Looks like I managed to explore the scary portal in the end. But if what they are saying is true…

“What about you, Liam? How can you live here if it’s so dangerous?

“I told you.” He shrugged. “This world is a cage. And I’m the monster it’s meant to hold.”

“You’re not…” I wanted to protest his words, but I stopped at the look in his eyes. Changing tactics, I asked instead: “So how do we escape this cage?”

“I don’t know.” He frowned. “How did you get here?”

I thought about my last memory before I woke up, and then cursed loudly. “That IDIOT!”

“…I’m sorry?”

“Not you! That jerk who drugged me and tossed me in here!” My stomach growled. “And he did it before I could even eat BREAKFAST! He couldn’t wait until I had a chance to eat?” I shook my head sadly. “That’s almost as much of a crime as the kidnapping itself!”

The tree Liam’s hand had been resting on snapped like a twig, falling to the ground with a loud crash. Ignoring the carnage, he turned towards me, his face grim. “Who did this to you?”

“The kidnapping? He calls himself Adonis, I, however, have much more descriptive and fun colorful names for him.”

“Adonis…” Liam thought the name over for a moment. “Blonde fellow? Acts as if he’s the most important person in the universe?”

“That’s him!”

Liam growled under his breath. It was difficult to make out words, but I barely made out “Should have bit him harder.”

I raised an eyebrow at that, “You BIT him?”

“In another world. Wish I could snapped his neck, or at least ripped a limb off, rather than just take a bite...” He stopped, seemingly realizing what he just said, and looked over at me with an embarrassed expression. “Not that I’m normally biting people!”

I waved a hand at his distressed expression. “Don’t worry, I’d bite a few limbs off of the guy if I could right now. Especially with how hungry I am.” I laughed bitterly. “He better HOPE I get some food in me before I see him again!”

“Well, if Adonis the Great and Full of Himself was the one who put you here, then we have a bit of a problem. He’s the only one that I know of who has been able to open the portal to here.”

“Not that I want to go back anyways.”

“I told you, this place will kill you if you stay.” He shook his head at that. “First, we need to figure out food. Follow me.” He started walking deeper into the forest. I had to trot to keep up with his longer stride at first, but he quickly slowed down to allow me to walk at a regular pace. Even that was tiring, but I pushed forward. I looked at the forest, wondering what there would be to scavenge in such a dead place. Deciding to ask Liam, I tugged at his hand, noticing idly his ears turning red at the brief contact.

“What kind of food do you normally eat here?”

Liam blinked, seeming almost confused by the question. “There’s a few beasts… kind of. They should be edible for humans.”

“Okay. Cooked meat doesn’t sound too bad.”

“…Yes… cooked…because that’s how normal humans eat. I eat it like that too.”

Eyeing his dodgy appearance, I decided not to ask.

After a few minutes of walking, during which I became progressively more winded, we finally came to a large cave.

“Here’s my home!” Liam smiled proudly as we entered. “I carved it myself!” He proceeded to show me the fairly spacious cave with roughly made, mostly empty rooms, boasting about the thickness of the walls and the special rocks he had collected along the way.

I smiled at his boasting, the stared at the enormous claw marks in the carved stone walls, and silently looked away.

He pushed a roughly made stool close to me. “Here, have a seat.”

“Thank you!” I sat down, breathing heavily. “I’m beat!”

Liam’s expression was concerned as he watched me rest. “This place is already draining you, Bel. I’m worried what will happen if you stay here too long.”

“I’m fine!” I waved a hand tiredly. “Just need to catch my breath.”

He wasn’t reassured. “I don’t want you getting hurt.”

“Maybe I’m just out of shape, have you thought about that?”

“Sure, that’s it.” Liam laughed quietly, almost seemingly in spite of himself. “Either way, while you rest, I’ll get you some food.”

“I’ll help…” I stood up, but my legs gave out beneath me and I started to fall. Liam, surprised, caught me, lifting me up in a careful hold. Silently, he moved deeper into the cave, entering one of the carved rooms. A single cot sat on a dirt floor, and he gently laid me down on it.

“Umm, thanks.” I looked up at Liam and paused saw an embarrassed expression, his eyes avoiding my own as he turned away.

“Rest here. I’ll bring you food.” He muttered quietly. “Cooked meat. Cooked.” He seemed to be reminding himself as he hurried out of the room, leaving me alone with just my thoughts and the sound of a rumbling, empty stomach.

I stared at the empty room for a few seconds, and then laughed. “What a cute villain.”

*** Soul transfer 28% complete. ***

______________________________

“Where are we?”

I looked up at the stranger who called himself Liam. His face was indifferent, his dark blue eyes cold as he shook his head slowly. “This isn’t a place for you. That’s all that matters. You should leave.”

“I can’t leave.” My voice cracked into a soft sob as I failed to hold back tears. “I’ve been betrayed, I don’t have anywhere to go.”

“You can do what you like, but you shouldn’t stay here.” He tried to laugh, but the sound couldn’t really be a laugh, it was far too sad and bitter of a sound to be called something so cheerful. “Otherwise, you’ll die, just like everything else.”

_______________________

“Bel, wake up.”

I blinked, the vision in my dream fading away as Liam’s face came into view.

I thought about the scene I had seen, similar to my recent interaction with Liam, but different. It felt real, like a memory. I’ve been here before. I’ve met Liam before in this place. It’s the same… but different.

But what is different? If I had to pin down what had changed from what I had remembered, it was Liam and I. The “me” in that memory was far more devastated by Adonis’s betrayal. I on the other hand, was more pissed than sad, wanting to save my mental energy towards plotting my revenge rather than mourning the friendship.

Anyone who is willing to stab me in the back doesn’t deserve my tears.

The Liam in my memory was different too. He was harsher, colder. The current Liam’s eyes were gentler, filled with a deep strength that hadn’t been there before.

We were both stronger, but it was more than that. There was a connection between us, not present in the brief memory of him from before. Something had changed in us. Something that had happened to bring us here again. I had a feeling that as the “soul transfer” continued I would learn more. If only I could figure out what made it increase!

“Bel, are you okay?”

I smiled at Liam, trying to reassure him. “I’m awake.”

“Good! So I made you some food…” He held out some charred meat that had been roughly cut up into bite sized chunks. It did not look very appetizing.

“I’m sorry.” He noticed me looking the food over and put his head down. “It’s my first time cooking it like this.”

I tried not to wonder how he usually ate meat if he didn’t cook it and took the burnt food from his hands. “Thanks, I’m starving!”

I ate it slowly, surprised at the not-terrible taste. Finishing the portion, I gave Liam a thumbs up. “It’s good!”

“Really?” He lit up with excitement. “I’ll keep working on my cooking and make it even better!”

Support spouse. The thought came and went, the words seeming strange and familiar at the same time.

“Hopefully I’ll be able to track down some fruit on the edge of this realm that are still alive and edible.” He said with a grin as I continued to eat. “That should at least keep you going until that Adonis the Jerkwad can come back to save you.”

I put down the meat in my hand. “I mean it Liam, I’m not going with him.”

“But you’ll die here.”

I didn’t hesitate, meeting his dark blue gaze with my own. “I’d rather that then agree to his broken idea of fate.”

The word fate seemed to twist within Liam, and for the first time I saw rage instead of amusement deep within his eyes. “Fate.” He spat the word out like a curse.: “… So you want to stay here?”

“Yes.”

“Okay.”

“Look you see we should talk about this before you say no…” I paused. “Did you just say ‘yes’?”

“I actually said ‘okay’ but essentially yes.”

“But… but…”

He was grinning again. “Did you want me to say ‘no’’? Or did you want to finish convincing me? Because I can pretend to say no if you want to say your piece.”

“Aren’t you worried I’ll get hurt?”

He pointed at me. “You don’t want to be under Adonis the Asshat’s control, under the control of fate.” His finger pointed at himself. “I happen to really really like having you around.” He shrugged. “So I guess we’ll just have to come up with a way to help you survive here.”

“Just like that?”

“If that’s what it takes.”

I grinned. “Then it’s settled. I’m staying with you AND not dying!”

*** Soul transfer 29% complete. ***

Eyeing the silent glowing words in the air, and curious about their meaning, I went back to eating the meat, which seemed to taste even better than before.

_________________

After eating I fell asleep again, feeling drained. This time I didn’t dream, but when I woke up, I still felt tired. Liam wasn’t kidding when he said this place would drain my energy from me.

…

Where is Liam?

Looking around, I saw that Liam, who had been by my side since I first woke up in this realm, was gone. I felt momentarily lost, and a bit lonely. Shaking my head in mild frustration, I forced myself to stand, bracing a hand against a claw marked wall.

Bel… you’ve been just fine being alone in the higher realm before this. In fact, you used to be excited when you could ditch Adonis the Buttface and spend time by yourself! How can you be so affected by just a few minutes without Liam?

…

… as the uncomfortable silence stretched on, I twiddled my thumbs, feeling a strange urge to juggle.

BAM!

A loud noise sounded out from a different part of the cave. “Thank goodness for that!” I didn’t even care if it was a deadly monster that broke into the cave, it was better than sitting bored and silent. I walked out, holding onto the wall for support, my feet shuffling oddly as I forced them to move. Taking short pauses to catch my breath, I continued to go slowly to the source of the noise. When I exited the room into the large open common space of the cave, however, I stopped, this time due to shock rather than exhaustion.

A glowing portal had opened in the air. It was similar to the ones in the higher realm, but different in several ways. The edges glowed a blood red, and the whole space gave off a malicious energy. As I watched, the tear in space closed, leaving only the feeling of unease behind.

And on the floor beneath where the portal had hovered, lay Liam.

“Liam!” I stumbled forward, half kneeling, half falling towards him. He was curled in a ball, his clothing damp with sweat. His face was paler than it had been, his face drawn in a silent mask of pain.

What had he gone through in a lower realm? I knew from experience that injuries from the lower realms didn’t follow you to the higher realms.

But the pain did.

Before I could investigate further, Liam turned over onto his back, his blue eyes still showing pain… but triumph as well.

“I got it!”

“You got what?” I asked. “Beaten up?”

“No! … I mean yes I did but that’s not the point!” he laughed. “I tricked Dumbo into slipping up and telling me what we need!”

“Dumbo… you mean Adonis?”

“That’s what I said, Adonis the Great and Mighty Dumbo.”

I couldn’t help but chuckle, having to sit down as even kneeling became too much. “So what did he tell you?”

“You don’t belong here… your very nature makes this realm reject you. Just as my nature, my energy allows me to live here trapped but fine. Which means you just need a different energy to survive in this world! One that won’t be sapped away. And who happens to possess an energy that this realm doesn’t feed off of?” His grin widened.

“You?”

“Yep!” He stood up, muttered “excuse me” and picked me up again, carrying me back to the cot in the other room.

“Wait! So if that’s the case why are you taking me back to bed? Can you just give me the energy? Also how do I get your energy? Do we have to do it on the bed?”

Liam turned a bright red. “No, it’s not what you think! I’m just letting you rest while I go prepare stuff…” He very quickly but gently set me down and rushed out of the room, as if afraid to hear anything else from me.

“Ummm…”I was asking in earnest, but my words seemed to make Liam misunderstand. Thinking for a moment, I groaned and covered my face in my hands, feeling the heat radiating off it “Stupid Bel.”

After what seemed like an eternity Liam returned with a cup. Still slightly embarrassed, I took it from him, looking at the liquid inside.

It was gold.

“What is this?”

“This?” He seemed confused by the question. “It’s blood.”

“No, it’s not.”

“What do you mean?”

“The blood of what? A magical creature?”

Liam laughed uncomfortably. “No, just my blood.”

“Why is it gold?”

He hesitated at that. “Normal blood is a gold color. That’s what regular human blood looks like. Yep. That’s it.”

“No… it’s red.”

“Maybe you’re confused?” He flinched at my expression. “Maybe everyone has gold blood and it just seemed red at the time? Because of bad lighting?”

I watched him bend his head uncomfortably, looking almost scared that I would ask further. My heart ached.

“Sure, Liam. It’s just normal, human blood.” I smiled as I saw him sigh with relief out of the corner of my eye. “Now what do I do with it?”

“You drink it. Thus, the cup.” Seeing my blanching expression, he continued to explain. “You see, it’s how to transfer some of my energy to you. It won’t fix everything, but it will help with the worst of it. I promise it won’t hurt you!”

I believed him. “Thank you, Liam.” I tipped it back and drank it. It was warm, but strangely sweet.

Yeah, definitely not “normal human blood” even if the color didn’t make it obvious.

As I drank it, I felt a good portion of energy return to me. I was still a little tired, but at least I should be able to walk without falling or passing out. I stood up, turning around, and gave Liam a hug. “Thank you!”

He stiffened in shock, but reached out to hug me back before stepping away, blushing. “S-sure… anytime…”

We smiled at each other, and for the first time that I could remember, for the first time since I had woken up in the higher realm, I felt at peace.

I felt at home.

*** Soul transfer 30% complete. ***

#writing #please fix the story #pfts #i wrote something!#mostly interactions between the two #but i'm happy to let them talk again!#hope you guys enjoy #I'm posting this shorter part as an encouragement to myself to keep going

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captainjonnitkessler · 2 months

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"Likes are WORTHLESS and the ONLY way to respect an artist is to REBLOG their stuff!"

Damn . . . sounds like you should either get over yourself or make better content then tbh

#this might be a little meaner than is warranted but in my defense #i am in a lot of pain. haven't slept more than 40 minutes at a time in 3 days #and am REALLY fucking over being haughtily lectured about how my blogging habits are directly responsible #for the death of art #like yeah sure. talk about how reblogs keep things circulating and increase an artist's reach. that's fine!#but so many of those posts are just like. YELLING at people for DARING to not interact with their art 'properly'

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joifee · 9 days

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Why making friends is hard

at least for me

#my social skills are weird #i can call somewhere infamiliar with no problem #talking to strangers? no problem #building up positive relationships? gosh i am lost #i listen and listen and listen but i never manage to get a hold of the other persons likes #or how to interact with them #and then i keep overthinking and then my chance is gone #joifeeramble #kinda vent #honestly i am not shy but socially awkward the moment i get close to someone #i think it coexists with my mind telling me i am never welcome and that everyone dislikes me #which isnt true #but its hard to overcome this hurdle

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ganondoodle · 8 months

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i often really do feel like an .. unwanted part of the fandom, i dont draw beautiful landscapes, i have unpopular but strong opinions im constantly annoying about and rarely change, dont like/dont draw the pretty young popular twinks and hot gurls to fanboi over nor do i turn characters into one, the opposite moreso, draw only one ship no ones heard of really, got little energy to interact with the few people that are nice to me and send me asks so it probably looks like im ignoring everyone and unfortunately but still rarely get so stressed i get overwhelmed and emotional about pehaps seemingly minor things and spiral almost into a breakdown feeling super embarrassed about it afterwards but the damage is already done and i look like a freak or agressive weirdo

#ganondoodles talks #also probably sounds like self pity #but this feeling hits everytime i see a super popular artist be the popular cool artist #i am a little weird i know that and thats not somethign bad i think #but the internet never gets to see that much of me #i tend to write posts when i am at my worst bc it has to go somewhere #so the image it tells people is that im a weirdly strong opiniod freak that gets breakdowns over nothing #i also dont feel like im otherwise -cool tm- enough to balance that out #i dont think my art is as stylized or as inventive as others nor am i cool to interact with bc idk how to be cool to interact with #i feel double bad when i misstepped with someone i used to talk to bc of something stupid ... or just dont know what i did wrong #im guessing its especially when i am in that spiraling state of mind where i really am not myself tbh #it still feels very bad bc i feel like i can never make it up to anyone again #sorry i acted like a jerk my brain was exploding in emotions in a desperate attempt to deal with something idk how to deal with-#-and made me not act like myself but now i feel really dumb about it #doesnt sound like a good excuse #... i want to thank those that do stick with me #even if i acted strange sometimes- even if i disappointed sometimes- even when i couldnt keep a promise #there are little things that still make me angry at myself #like that one time i asked in the tags whod read as long as the end of them and if someone did shoudl send me an ask so id draw a lil thing #and i got two #and i kept trying to remeber oh shit i need to do that and forgetting again/not having energy for it in a loop #i still feel like a jerk about it but now its probably too late #i wish i could answer all asks i get but man my energy for that is always rock bottom #no matter how much i enjoy the ask #and i love getting asks!!!#im sorry :((

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happyk44 · 3 months

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The thing was Percy didn't like being a bad kid. Every time he got kicked out of a school or wound up in the counselor's office over some incident he wasn't completely blameless for, his mom's brows would pinch. The line on her lip dipped. He knew what she was thinking each time: lost wages, job risk, who was going to watch him if he got suspended, where would she send him if he got kicked out, and so on.

He hated that he did that to her. Being a bad kid meant being a bad son. He refused to be a bad son - not on purpose anyway.

Well, he used to. She wasn't here anymore. Her brows weren't going to furrow. Her lips wouldn't thin. Her shoulders wouldn't draw up and tense before the principal even opened their mouth. It was over.

He didn't have anyone anymore. Nobody at cabin eleven would look at him. Other cabins steered around him like he was carrying the plague. Grover was off doing whatever satyrs did - probably getting ready to infiltrate some new school, befriend some new kid, save their lives. He didn't need Percy. It’d only been a few days but they'd barely interacted. Older satyrs would yank him along into the wood before Percy could get close or even open his mouth. Even Annabeth just eyed Percy with scrutinizing eyes - like she was assessing him for something. But every time he tried to approach her outside of their lessons, she brushed him off.

No one wanted Percy around.

What was the point of being a good kid anymore? There wasn't anything or anyone forcing him to keep his head above water. He was tired of the murmurs. He was tired of the avoidance. Tired of the glares from the Ares cabin. Tired of trying to keep the quake in his stomach tamped down.

He was just tired.

He thumbed along the flat edge of his sword. His new best friend was the pervasive feeling of loneliness. With a miserable sigh, he tucked the sword into the holster on his hip. People barely wanted to spar with him now so he was stuck to sweating it out on the dummies by himself. At least only when Luke wasn't pushing him as hard as possible.

But even with Luke there seemed to be pause. The first time Percy felt his gut yank after being claimed had been in training with Luke, and as soon as the feeling caught him, Luke begged off. Like he'd seen something in Percy that unnerved him. Sometimes when Percy looked in the mirror, he saw something in his eyes that unnerved him. A foreign thing - like a contact lens put in the wrong way.

No amount of poking or prodding at his eyes was going to get it out though. It was inside him - in his blood. He was sure of it.

He was starting to worry that it was the very thing he'd been keeping back, the very thing his mom was trying to keep him safe from.

The clang of metal against metal was loud as he walked past other trainees. There were a couple people leaning against the wall near the water fountain. As expected, they shifted away as he neared. Mistrust was bright in their eyes.

He did his best to ignore it. Not the first time people had stared at him like they thought he was dangerous. Or beneath them.

The water sprayed for a moment before he lowered his head. It was clarifying. He'd noticed it before, a burst of energy with every sip whenever he was tired, but ever since being claimed, he'd noticed the alertness more and more.

As he let go of the button, he caught the tail end of the muttering nearby. His stomach dropped.

“... should've ditched him sooner,” one boy grumbled. His friend snorted. “Maybe then she wouldn't have died.”

“What did you say?” The two startled. Percy understood why. He barely recognized his own voice, the eerie coldness to it frosty on his own tongue. Still, he repeated as he twisted on his heels to face them. “What. Did you just say?”

Panic besot them. For a second, the barest of a second, he could feel it kick in - be a good boy for me, Percy, be a good kid for Mom.

But she wasn't here.

She wasn't here.

So what was the point?

He took a step forward. “What,” he snarled, saliva coating his tongue like froth, “did you say?”

The others shifted away but he just crept forward. “Nothing, man,” one of them finally bit out, but they were lying. He could see it in their eyes, hear in their voice, feel it in their veins.

“You're lying,” he said. A bitten off laugh echoed from his lips. “You were talking about my mom.” Another choked laugh. “You think it's my fault?”

One of them raised his hands - a mock surrender. “Hey, dude-”

“You think I wanted her to die?” A sharp sensation coiled through Percy's chest. It thrummed hot and heavy, piling, piling, piling on his lungs. “You think I asked for ANY OF THIS?”

Someone's hand came to rest on his shoulder and it was like the crashing of the waves against his bare feet. Cold, clarifying, clear.

Freeing.

His fist drove straight into the jaw of whoever was behind him. He could barely tell who he was seeing - it might've been Luke, or any other tall blonde guy. But as soon as whoever it was stumbled back, he whirled around and punched whichever kid was closest in the stomach. They went down and he clambered on top to wail. Fist and fist upon whatever body part he could reach. He wasn't the most elegant hand-to-hand fighter but there was something to be said for the voracious and vicious energy boiling through him.

Distantly he was aware of yelling around him, aware of people pulling at him, aware of the person beneath him crying, arms over their face, arms Percy was tired of hitting. He needed to get their face, get their tongue, rip his mom from their mouth. How dare they speak about her.

How dare anyone talk about her.

A dozen hands finally yanked him back. He screamed. Bodies toppled. He grabbed the closest one by their hair, driving his knee upwards over and over again until hands ripped him away again. Swung blindly and caught someone. The two of them fell. His stomach pulled back. They choked. They weakened. He swung himself over until he was on top.

I want you all to drown, he thought, grabbing at their jaw. Don't ever speak of her again.

Saliva smeared across his fingers. His stomach pulled back even more. What was that - blood, water? On his hands, on his knees, on their skin, on their faces, in their veins.

His free hand drew out. He wanted it. It was his. Didn't they get that? She was his, and she was gone, so he would take and take all else that belonged to him until the hole in his chest was gone. Until the water they had coursing inside them filled him up.

“Percy,” someone whispered.

Their voice was familiar, breath hot against Percy's ear. He twitched. The feeling of nearby water, nearby fluid, was clenched tight in his fist. He just had to pull back. Yank it. Make it his.

The voice turned pleading. “Percy.”

He froze as two hot hands came to clasp his cheeks, dark brown eyes and curly hair blurring into view. Grover's face.

“Grover,” he breathed. For the first time since he'd ended up at camp, he relaxed.

Grover's thumbs stroked his skin. “Yeah, it's me.” He leaned in closer. “Percy, you need to stop.”

“Stop?”

“You're hurting people," he said. “You have to stop.”

Why? Percy thought. He didn't care. He didn't care if they hurt, didn't care if they drowned where they laid choking, didn't care if they suffered. It didn't mean anything to him. They didn't mean anything to him.

But this was Grover.

And with his mom gone, Grover meant the world.

“You want me to stop?”

“Yes,” Grover said. His breath was warm, his skin hot, his body close. Distantly Percy remembered nights at school like this - Grover tucked up next to him, trying his best to help Percy study when most people would've bailed. “I want you to stop.”

His lips were wobbling. His eyes were thick with wetness. His voice was unsteady - trying to be calm and rapidly failing. Even his hands shook.

Percy grabbed at his wrists. “Okay,” he whispered as he clung. His stomach relaxed slowly, the crash turning into a tickle. “I'm good, I'm good.”

Shakily, Grover exhaled, pressed his forehead to Percy's, and murmured, “I know, I know.”

His hands pulled away from Percy's face, but not away from him, arms wrapping around his neck and pulling him in for a tight hug. Percy's breathing wobbled as he tucked his face into the crook of Grover's neck. He clung tight and desperate. Pleading.

No, he couldn't be a good son anymore. He didn't have to bother keeping in check to avoid the thin line of his mom's lips. But he could be a good friend. To keep the tears out of Grover's eyes, the tremble from his skin.

“I can be good,” he promised quietly, for Grover's ears only. “I promise I can be good.”

“I know,” Grover said. His cheek pressed against Percy's. “I believe you.”

The fountain nearby trickled quietly. The steady flow soothed the unease between Percy's shoulders. Still, he squeezed the pillow in his grip tighter to his chest as he watched Grover flit around the bunk closest to him. He snapped the final end of the sheet around the mattress. Hooves clopped quietly against the tile as he stepped back. His gaze flickered between Percy's bed and his own.

Then he grunted and began pushing it closer.

Percy hopped up. The discarded pillow slipped from his fingers and onto the floor. He nearly tripped over it trying to get to Grover's side. They pushed the other bunk over until it was pressed into Percy's.

While Grover unfurled his blanket, Percy stepped back. Awkwardness choked him. He didn't know what to do, what to say. So he picked the pillow off from the floor and pressed it into his chest. Grover didn't spare him many glances as he worked to make up the bed. Leaning across his bunk, he yanked Percy's blanket from between the seam where the two bed frames connected and began tying the edges of both blankets together. It was shoddy work, no way it wasn't coming apart just from them lying on the sheets, much less sleeping.

But Grover did it anyway.

As he shifted back, hooves scraping the floor, Percy held out the pillow. Grover dusted off the top then laid it against the headboard. With both hands on his hips, he admired his work. Percy stared at it too. It was nice. Joined bed. Grover within direct reach.

His palms itched.

“Are you scared of me?”

Grover twisted around. His brows furrowed, but the edges of his lips were quirked upwards. It was reminiscent of school - Percy stumbling over something he read and Grover, lost but amused, over why Percy thought it was a man-of-war that Theseus fought.

He was partially grateful Grover cut him off before he could finish what he actually thought the sentence was trying to say. It certainly wasn't fight.

“I mean,” Grover started and Percy's stomach drew back. Behind him the trickle of the fountain silenced. Like the water was holding its breath too. “I'm scared for other people, but I'm not scared of you.” He punched Percy's arm with a quiet smile. “I know you're not going to hurt me, Percy. That's why I stopped you.”

The fountain began to trickle again. “And that-” He faltered. The ghost Grover's touched goosed up his bicep and across his shoulder. “-that doesn't worry you?”

That you might have to stop me again went unspoken but Grover was always good at understanding Percy's unspoken words, at knowing his unspoken feelings - even the ones Percy wasn't even aware he felt.

He sighed. “It worries me. But not because it's you.” He shook his head. “And definitely not because I'm scared of you hurting me.”

His eyes scanted away, brows furrowing deeper. Then he relaxed into the bed. After teetering on his heels for a couple seconds, Percy joined him. He gripped the edge of his shorts so tight his palms burned. Grover reached over to stroke along the back of his hand.

He exhaled slowly and let go.

“You remember Pan?” Grover asked.

Percy paused. “The satyr god, right?”

“Yeah.” Grover pulled away to tug at his fingers. “He's been missing for a while. Ever since the industrial age took off. And no one knows where he is. It's the dream of every satyr to find him, so that nature can return to the way it was.”

“That your dream?”

He nodded solemnly. “You have to be a Protector first, before you can get your Searcher’s license. But I'm not like the others.” His gaze fell down. His hands sat in his lap, cupped around nothing but air. “I don't want him just so we can bring nature back to its peak.” He sighed. “We were a lot different when Pan was still around. More free. More wild. I want satyrs and nymphs - all of us to be us again!”

Percy leaned into him. “What's stopping you?”

Grover snorted. “People forgot. We were more than just Pan's disciples. We fought to protect the wild from mankind. We didn't just sit around waiting for him to tell us what to do. But nobody wants to do anything.” He scowled. “They think when Pan returns he'll fix it all and I-” He bit his lip, then shook his head. “The world has changed. And gods don't get involved like that. Not to the extent they want him to. It's not in their nature. But if he comes back then maybe…”

He faced Percy. His eyes were watery, darkening the already dark brown of his eyes into shots of black. The welled tears glistened ever so slightly. Like the night sky, free of pollution.

His lips wobbled into a gentle smile. “But that's why I'm not afraid. You’re like nature at its purest form - chaotic, wild, unburdened.”

Normally those words wouldn't hit Percy as compliments. Insults, degradation - things that would deflate him and make his mom frown. But Grover sounded so earnest, his heart swelled.

“You can't tell, but I can feel it.” He swung his arm over Percy's shoulders and tugged him in close. “Your demigod essence, this sense of the wild that I've been searching for my whole life.” He gestured loosely. “Even the Demeter kids don't have that. Their mom is all agriculture and farming and that's great and all, but it's not pure nature, it's not the wild.” He squeezed Percy's shoulder as best he could with one hand. “You remind me of home, Percy.”

The frog Percy hadn't noticed in his throat jumped out with a burst sob-laugh. He tried to tile away, but Grover just tugged him close, bringing around his other arm to keep Percy pinned. Nonetheless his hold was fairly loose, like Percy was a stray cat he didn't want scratching him if he felt like running.

Or like he knew that Percy was the ocean through and through, unwilling to be contained, wanting to flow wherever he saw fit.

Percy practically crawled into his lap, sniffling into Grover's shoulder. Warm hands stroked up and down his back. He laughed quietly - a half-distressed noise marrying the sound, but managed a breathy wheeze of, “You remind me of home too.”

Grover kissed the top of his head. For the first time since arriving, he shattered. All his twisted up emotions committed out in a tidal wave of tears and broken gasps. All the while Grover held him. As tight as Percy clung to him, he didn't complain. Just held on even tighter. Wetness from Grover's own tears smeared across Percy's skin.

Ever the empathetic. Like his mom.

Percy squeezed his eyes shut. “Please don't leave without saying goodbye,” he begged in a hollow, hoarse whisper.

“I won't,” Grover promised.

They held onto each other even as tears and cries faded away. Grover kept stroking his back with both hands. Percy continued to cling.

Shoulders shaking, Percy wound the fabric of Grover's shirt over his fingers. After a few minutes of toiling silence, he whispered. “I think I'm changing.” He pressed his forehead to Grover's collarbone. “I'm scared.” He pulled back and stared into Grover's eyes. “What do I do?”

“Be my best friend,” Grover said, like it was the simplest answer in the world. And as soon as the words fell off his tongue, it did. How silly was Percy not to think of it before? “My best friend is a good person, the best kind of wild.”

“I can do that,” Percy promised. “I swear, I can do that.”

“I know,” Grover said, squeezing Percy's cheek. His thumb swiped away at a still wet tear under Percy's eye. The stroke was soft, gentle. Kind. “I believe you.”

#percy jackson #grover underwood #i dont remember percy really having time to mourn his mom in tlt so i figured id give him a moment with grover #happy talks pjo #my writing #my fanfic #pjo fanfic #anyway grover is sleeping witj percy in his cabin to quote unquote keep an eye on him bu really they're just gonna play games #because percy is calm when grover's around #and i haven't read tlt in a while but i dont remember grover doing much with percy post arrival #so im headcanoning that its an unspoken unofficial rule that protectors arent supposed to interact yoo much with their former protectees #in order to allow for a better transition into demigod living and also so the protector in question can go out and find other demigods #🤷‍♂️ whatever whatever but grover 1) knows that percy is possessive and insane and 2) is also Percy's bestie so hes been TRYING #and Percy's attempted murder(s) came in handy for them to chill out with each other

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