Klaus: Fool me once, shame on you.
Klaus: Fool me twice, shame on me.
Klaus: Fool me three times, back at you again.
Diego: That’s… not how it goes.
he’s getting better at makeup
(please don’t tag as ship)
Ben: Whoops? WHOOPS? This is not a ‘whoops’ situation. We are far past whoops. Whoops is a distant speck in the rearview mirror. We are solidly in 'oh fuck’ territory, and I expect you to act like it.
Things I want to see in The Umbrella Academy season 2:
Klaus (a.k.a. No.4)
Klaus: When have I done something irresponsible?
Diego: We keep a list.
Ben: It’s alphabetized.
i love how klaus is Like That and refers to his past partners w he/him pronouns n yet we’re all so used to being queerbaited tm tht it didn’t fully click until he was fully making out w dave
Click for better quality.
Claire: *sat under the Christmas tree dressed as an elf*
Klaus: oh, wow, your decorations are great this year, Allison. Where’d you get the life sized elf from?
Allison: *playing along* oh, yeah, I had it custom made for me.
Claire: *super excited* IT’S ME UNCLE KLAUS!
Klaus: *genuinely surprised and scared for his life, jumps up on the table* holy shit, it’s a child.
Setting: the academy are sixteen-ish and are on a school trip to a different country.
Allison: *listening to Land Down Under*
Klaus: *bursts into room from window* HE JUST SMILED AND GAVE ME A VEGEMITE SANDWICH.
Dave and Klaus: AND HE SAID, I COME FROM A LAND DOWN UNDER. *pulling beers out of their pockets for everyone in the room* WHERE BEER DOES FLOW AND MEN CHUNDER.
Five: *to Allison* why were we roomed with these knobs?
Vanya: How did you get beer? None of us are old enough to drink?
Luther: How the fuck did you produce them from your pockets?
Diego: how the fuck does klaus do anything?
Klaus: I accidentally broke one of Diego’s knives, how long do you think I’ll live?
Klaus: Ten what?
Vanya: I’m going to get a coffee. Anybody want anything?
Allison: I’ll have a latte.
Klaus: I’ll have a blueberry muffin.
Ben: I’ll have a bagel with a little-
Vanya: You know I was just being polite.
Dave: If I had a penny for every time you crossed my mind I would only have one penny because you are all I think about.
Klaus, trying not to cry: Enjoy being broke, asshole.
Vanya: I just want to dance around a maypole with a flower crown on my head singing Celtic hymns.
Klaus: I just want to dance around a stripper pole with one hundred dollar notes hanging out of my jockstrap singing “my neck my back”.
Ben: like, what were we even expecting him to say, Jesus Christ.
Applebee’s waiter: What would you like to order?
Klaus: I’ll take the apple.
Waiter: We don’t actually sell apples.
Klaus, visibly frightened: Alright then, [gulps] I’ll have the bees.
Luther: *is severely lactose intolerant*
Luther: *eats an entire tub of yogurt*
Klaus: Wait, aren’t you lactose intolerant
Luther: yes, but I love yogurt so much, so I suffer for it
Klaus: are you sure?? Cause you ate way to much
Luther, overconfident: yes, it won’t be that bad
Five Minutes Later
Luther: *curled up on the kitchen floor, rolling around in pain, almost on the verge of tears*
Luther: ok I’m getting no more yogurt.
The Next Day
Luther: *goes to the store to get yogurt because the house ran out of it*
Diego: Klaus, I think it’s time we tell you your bacon allergy is a lie.
Ben: Allison rumored you so you’d eat healthier.
Klaus: What? No. No, I’m just allergic to a lot of stuff.
Klaus: Bacon, doughnuts, halloween candy, not saying ‘thank you’.
Klaus: Oh my god.