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#020. the killer in the mirror — reverse ( love )
hxlfsoul · 4 years
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@unsuccesscr​
SOMETIMES IT HURT TO SEE IZUKU — not his Izuku, no, this was someone else, the mirror image of the person he adored & he wasn’t sure whether he adored it or wanted to curse his very name. Izuku  — Ikuno, the mirror calls him, not the Izuku he loved & adored, but Ikuno, a boy of many faces who had lied to him about who he was & that tore him up inside, left him angry & afraid & nothing other than broken —was not kind, was not caring & had never treated Shoto with anything other than with a dismissive annoyance, as if he were the scourge of the world, as if he’d only ever bothered him.
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❝You’re very different to him.❞ The words are quiet but they rattle him the same & there is despair on his face, haunting his soul & those eyes look like they’ve seen the ghosts of a past he never wanted to know. He wondered how he had managed to fall so deeply for the lies of a boy he barely knew back then, how he’d managed to fall so deeply for the person he’d become as he grew into something cold & cruel — even as he turned into a monster, Shoto had adored him & realising that everything was a lie had hurt more than anything else he could ever have experienced.
( they want to flee, want to scream. they want to go running back from red & white into the embrace of emerald green & fake promises. they want to go back to loving but they cannot, will not, for all they loved was not true & the mirror boy is only more evidence of their own stupidity. )
❝You seem to care for people, I suppose, or maybe you don’t... I can’t tell. I couldn’t tell with him, either.❞ It had always been difficult with Ikuno. He could never tell when the other had been upset, had been anything but angry & it had killed him, had eaten up at him until he was nothing but an empty shell vying for attention that would never be his, love he could never receive.
❝It makes me wonder if he’s anything like you, deep down — if he was ever capable of love, of any emotion.❞ It was all he’d ever wanted, to be adored by the object of his affections.
( they had always tried to be there for the liar, but they had never succeeded, for he had never wanted them & he could never be as kind as the boy they found in the mirror. )  
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hxlfsoul · 4 years
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valentines asks / @iactito​: Dark chocolate and white chocolate laid out in two small boxes that sit silently inside his desk. There's of course, no note left behind, but given the familiar emerald wrapping, one could deem it from a familiar face. ( Rev Izuku to Shouto, the good gift! )
HIS LIPS CURL INTO THAT USUAL BRIGHT GRIN AT THE SIGHT OF THE BOXES, fingers careful not to so much as crease the wrapping paper as he removed it removed it, eyes further brightening as he saw what was inside of the paper. He was quiet as he opened each to peek inside, almost not daring to, as if the magic of the moment would be ruined the second he did so. He is sure of who sent it, had been the moment he saw the vibrant green of the paper — it could not have been anyone else, no one else could ever care about him in such ways — & his eyes water, hands momentarily moving to wipe away the tears once he placed down the boxes back on his desk.
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He does not eat more than one of each, not yet — as much as he adores Izuku & even though he trusts him with his life, he cannot be certain there is no ulterior motive behind the gift & he cannot be sure it was actually Izuku, for it could have been someone wishing to tease him, to get his hopes up only for them to be crushed. For a moment, he waits, anticipating something he isn’t sure of — he remains feeling fine, however, & he must admit that the taste of the chocolate, the way it melts on his tongue & the silky texture of it, is wonderful. It was not a gift made for any reason other to show love, that much is obvious, & his heart flutters for a second when he thinks of it, before he pushes down such childish feelings for a moment.
The idea of Izuku picking out or, if he dares to think himself special enough that the other may bother, making it with Shoto in mind, is one he should not entertain, for the fastening beat of his heart could be deadly if given enough time to be. The gifts themselves are dangerous — the other must have known what game he was playing by showing such blatant reciprocation of the feelings Shoto had held for so many years. No one would approve of a relationship between him, if only for Shoto’s reputation as being soft — he wonders if perhaps his softness has rubbed off on Izuku, if the other’s heart had fallen for the first to show it something that wasn’t cold, that wasn’t cruel.
It is unbelievable that Izuku would ever think of him as someone on the same level, as someone worth his time & energy. It makes his pulse race & he knows that these emotions will be dangerous for him, no matter how much he adores feeling this way for Izuku.
( how pathetic of you, shoto. they think. however, they do not have the strength to push away their rising happiness.
& if later, they walk to izuku’s room with that bright smile refusing to fade in order to hand him a box of hand-made chocolates that shoto had made, they wouldn’t breathe a word of it to anyone. )
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hxlfsoul · 4 years
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@narrationis​
EVERYTHING SLIPPED THROUGH HIS FINGERS. There had been so many times he had been simply a touch away from something he wished for — from Toya the day he left, from freedom while he still lived with his mother & from falling apart under the weight of his own emotions, weighing heavy on his shoulders & his heart & his mind, when love would never be returned & he fought for it regardless because that was what it meant to adore.
Love was not his, it did not exist for him & he was starting to wonder if it ever would, for he had loved & loved & loved but all he had done was lose & it hurt, it was like knives in his heart whenever Izuku would reject his affections & his care & anything Shoto attempted to offer him. He knew, of course, that perhaps he shouldn’t push him, shouldn’t reach & reach for something that didn’t belong to him, but he wanted Izuku, wanted everything he had.
( they would rip his heart out only to hold it, they would destroy him only to rebuild. they were too merciful to dare try to hurt him, but that didn’t mean shoto didn’t want to try & perhaps they loved too much, to show care to someone who could feel nothing but anger. )
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❝Izuku. Is there anything I can do to be helpful today?❞ The smile stretched across his face is joyful yet it isn’t quite genuine, melancholy tinting the edges of his usual expression as he reached out, not daring to hold his hands yet he held his own out, hoping that perhaps Izuku would take them for once & allow Shoto to have that small bit of affection. However, he knew if Izuku dared give him an inch then he’d take a mile & perhaps that was why the other never allowed him to be close, because he knew he would push boundaries until something broke, whether it was his heart or Izuku’s fingers.
❝If you need anyone taking care of, just let me know, or I could go & get you some breakfast or I could carry your books...❞ Perhaps he was being overeager & that was why Izuku pushed him away time & time again until there was no time left, only seconds falling from his fingertips as he ran out of time & like the sand of an hourglass, it would all fade away eventually until there was nothing left of Shoto but glass.
( they wanted to walk by his side for the rest of their life, but that was not for them, that was not what they were allowed — even so, shoto would let izuku ruin them if it meant that, just for a moment, he would be allowed his touch. )
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hxlfsoul · 4 years
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@rnultimuse​
THERE WAS NOTHING BUT HAUNTED EYES IN THIS PLACE — he could see it in the way they all tiptoed around him, as if his smile were so fragile it would fall apart at the slightest touch & he wonders what their Shoto was like. If he was fragile enough to fade away or if he was much like the people he knew: cold & calculating & cruel, hiding their softness behind shards of glass primed to hurt, weapons of destruction that did not attempt to lock away the monsters inside like these people did.
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❝You’re very different to who I’m used.❞ It is a quiet comment as he gazes at Katsuki — no, Bakugo — & he isn’t sure what else to say or why he’s talking, perhaps it is the dim light of the common room in the evening when everyone else was gone. Training or sleeping or socialising — he doesn’t ask, he knows they don’t want to share anything with him, that they think he’s an impostor, an infiltrator, & on some level, he knows they’re right.
❝What was he like, your Shoto? The rest of you have little in common with the people I’m used to, so I’d assume I have next to nothing in common with him. It’s odd, though, being here. It’ll take some getting used to if I’m stuck.❞ & he would be stuck, for he didn’t even know who had swapped him with the other Shoto, who had decided he didn’t fit in so badly that they banished him to another timeline, another world, that he could never escape from  —
( it was fitting that his prison would be the one place he’d be tortured so: seeing all he loved but knowing it isn’t his to hold. he is a replacement, he knows, & they’ll cast him away like the rest — he’s sure of that. )
— he hopes the other Shoto is faring fine, that he isn’t too lonely. He hopes his Izuku doesn’t love him more.
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hxlfsoul · 4 years
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@ingenxum​
THIS IS NOT THE TENYA HE KNEW & IT WAS EVIDENT, from the way he seemed genuinely concerned by Shoto’s disoriented state to the fact he was not mocking him, was not laughing at his unfortunate state & was not treating him with malice, unlike the Tenya he knew. He inhaled a deep breath, moving to push him away & glower at him, attempting to seem as threatening as he could but the smile was ever-present & it seemed he couldn’t manage to fight off his default expression for more than a moment.
❝Where am I?❞ The question was asked quietly, confusion in his voice & he did not hold back any emotion, did not allow himself to stop feeling at any point, for that was not how he was. He remembered splashes of colour — purple & blue & swirling as someone gazed at him with horror, not Izuku, never Izuku, but who else could it have been that watched him fall through?
( they don’t know where they are, don’t know who they can trust & if they dug deep enough, perhaps they could even say they have no idea who they are themselves. )
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❝You seem worried, Iida-san. I don’t understand why. You & Izuku tend to enjoy torment more than anything...❞ It wasn’t as if he & Tenya were even friends, considering the other boy only ever stuck around to get in Izuku’s good graces & even then, he treated Shoto as if he deserved nothing more than to die, as if he were a waste of the air he breathed & sometimes he had to wonder if Tenya was right or if Izuku agreed.
( if izuku thought so little of them, he’d never say it, for shoto was an important asset, they had been made aware of such a fact, & that only ever dug the knife further into their heart. )
❝Is Izuku-kun around? We were meant to meet for lunch.❞
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hxlfsoul · 5 years
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♡ / @leftoverquirks
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❝MAYBE YOU DON’T ANYMORE, but I haven’t forgotten when we used to be friends as children... What happened to that?❞ He questioned, lips upturned into his usual gentle smile, eyes fixated on the other. ❝That nickname isn’t really hurtful, Iida. Actually, I don’t care much for what you call me. I just... I’d like to understand.. Why did you start hating me so much?❞
   ( I want to know before I leave everything behind. )
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hxlfsoul · 4 years
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messages / always accepting. @narrationis​: "I need you to get out of here." He presses a hand against his shoulder, fingers curling within the fabric of his shirt. Izuku's injured, there's blood, and it's seeping into his vision. "Get out of here, Shouto. Get out and be free, I'm begging you." ( oops reverse angst. )
HOW COULD IZUKU EVER THINK HE’D LEAVE HIM LIKE THIS?
There was, of course, the temptation to listen — to run, to flee, to be with his brother again & to be happy, but Shoto was a loyal man, fiercely so, & how could he ever leave behind someone he loved? ❝I can’t.❞ Mumbled, the words were barely audible as he knelt down in front of Izuku, gently cupping his cheeks. For a moment, he was silent, simply staring at him with sad eyes & a sadder smile playing on his lips. ❝Not like this, Izuku.. If you want me to leave after, so be it, but I’m not leaving you like this.❞
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He wondered when he’d started to put Izuku before himself, when he’d fallen so deeply for someone that he’d stopped being selfish. Perhaps, if he’d been like this when he was younger, before he ever met Izuku, Toya would have taken him with him — but he knew he shouldn’t be thinking like this, not when Izuku needed him, not when for once maybe he could do something good for the first time in his life, not when he could save someone.
❝Even if it kills me, I’m not leaving you.❞ It would, wouldn’t it? Being around Izuku when he was always telling him to go, staying for the other when he’d be happier elsewhere — but would he be? Would he be happy with the gap in his heart Toya left was whole but the ache of lost love would consume him? He wasn’t sure, in the end, if he would feel more empty without Izuku or if the other was all that kept Shoto from being complete & it terrified him, the idea of chasing the emptiness his brother left behind only to leave a larger hole where Izuku’s presence had been, & he didn’t know if he ever wanted to find out.
❝... Unless you have a good reason why I need to leave, I’m staying.❞
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hxlfsoul · 5 years
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♡ / @narrationis
HE HADN’T MEANT TO UPSET IZUKU, nor did he want to make him uncomfortable. Often, he spoke his mind, but it seemed this had been a bad time to do so, a terrible attempt at making his feelings known. Gently, he placed his hand on the other’s face, cupping his cheek and leaning close, pressing a kiss to his forehead before pulling away. The affection was likely unwanted, but it was an attempt at calming him down, no matter how effective it was.
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❝I’m sorry. I’m not going to show you that side if you don’t want me to, and I know you don’t want me to. You know that I want you to be comfortable with me and that I’d never do anything to jeopardise that.❞ It wasn’t as if he viewed Izuku as a possession, per say, but as his to protect, his to love, his to be beside. If that made him uncomfortable, however, then Shoto would change.
The last thing he wanted was to lose Izuku’s companionship, after all.
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hxlfsoul · 5 years
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♡ / @narrationis
EVEN IF THIS WAS THE REACTION HE’D EXPECTED, he couldn’t help but feel sad. Whether it was due to the fact Izuku had laughed or the words he’d said, almost pained yet simply angry instead, as if the other couldn’t even express another feeling. Then again, Shoto was aware most people he was around had a very limited emotional range, him being one of the few outliers.
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❝That’s alright, Izuku. I know that you think I’m stupid for caring, but... I think it’s a good thing, that if some people can care, then the world’s not as messed up as we think, right?❞ Although, perhaps it was a terrible world and Shoto was just clinging to the light of it, to all the things that were good and wonderful which he could never have. Perhaps, at the end of the day, he wanted to be with Izuku because he wanted to be loved the same way he’d loved others his entire life, because he wanted someone to call his own, somewhere to call a home, and perhaps that was what he saw in Izuku and one of many things the other would never find within him.
❝I wouldn’t mind dying if it meant being with you... I’m dead anyway, aren’t I? You really think that people aren’t going to try to pick me off as soon as we graduate? I’d rather be happy until then, I’d rather let myself love... Maybe you don’t understand it. Maybe no one does, but... I’m at my best when I’m by your side and I’d like to stay there.❞
If love meant dying, Izuku had been holding his life for a long time.
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hxlfsoul · 5 years
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♡ / @narrationis
IT WAS UPSETTING TO BE TOLD TO LEAVE, but he knew that despite such words, Izuku simply wanted what was best for him. At least, that’s what Shoto wanted to believe — that Izuku cared, that he wanted Shoto to be happy and safe. It was the only reason that made sense to him for why the other often protected him, why he’d do his best to keep Shoto from fits of rage despite the fact he didn’t need to.
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❝You don’t need to stop anyone on my account, Izuku... I’ll leave. You won’t stop me, will you..?❞ Even if he wanted Izuku to say that he would, wanted Izuku to keep him there, he knew it wouldn’t happen. Shoto had spent too long staying somewhere he wasn’t wanted, wasn’t needed, and perhaps it truly was time for him to leave them all behind, no matter how much he didn’t want to.
❝You’re right.. I stayed for you, because I love you, but sometimes we have to give up want we want for what we need. I wanted to be with you, but... I need to be away, to let myself be happy instead of being here..❞ If only he could have happiness with Izuku by his side, but he knew that he wouldn’t follow Shoto, that Izuku had obligations and people to make proud while Shoto had been a failure since he was a child to the rest of them.  
            ❝Even when I’m gone... I’ll still be yours. Don’t miss me too much.❞
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hxlfsoul · 5 years
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Rev Iida: “Hey, it’s my least favorite waste of space.”
♡ / accepting / @leftoverquirks
WHILE PAINFUL TO HEAR, such words were true. Shoto was a waste, as far as society was concerned, simply because he didn’t hide away his feelings like the rest of them, because he wasn’t scared to feel, to love, to hurt. There was no shame in emotion, to him, but that wasn’t the way others viewed it.
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A small smile offered, albeit wobbly, as if he were about to cry.❝… Tenya. It’s.. nice to see you.❞ Perhaps once he’d have cried outright, but now he simply had to remind himself, he wouldn’t have to deal with this much longer.
He’d be treated better where he was going.
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hxlfsoul · 5 years
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REPOST, DONT REBLOG
These are for reverse AU Shoto, not canon.
a song that would play when your muse enters a room/their themesong? Outrunning Karma / Alec Benjamin
a song that goes well with their personality? 24 / Jem
a song that reminds the mun of their muse? Dream / Imagine Dragons
a song that reminds your muse of a past relationship? The Grey / Icon For Hire (relationship being the one with Izuku @hxroics)
a song that your muse would most likely listen to? Mercury / Sleeping At Least
a song that gives you inspiration when writing your muse? Believer / Imagine Dragons
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