"Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to (others), and to practice these principles in all our affairs." Step 12 of AA
This time of year can be hard for a wide variety of reasons. The days are dark and cold (northern hemisphere). Expectations are jacked way out of proportion, and reality often falls far short. So I don't want to add one more iota of crap to anyone's load. We've hit the final month of the year. It's OK to absent yourself from any and all festivities. It's OK to work on the "light inside" and leave the rest alone. Twelve Step processes don't work for everyone, and that's OK. It doesn't always work for me, either. If Bah, humbug is the best you've got, then it's your best. I liked Scrooge best when he was real and hadn't been tormented by the spirits of holidays past, present, or future. He might have been a miserable old bugger, but at least he knew the season wasn't for him. But then again, he was willing to listen. He was willing to go where the spirits led. He was willing to accept that there might be a better way, and he accepted that with just as much umph and gusto as he had despite his miserly urges. That was OK, too. Scrooge did Scrooge. You can do you.
Is this why I feel a sense of sanctuary at AA Meetings like no other place? Haven't encountered homophobia yet, but as I've learned from others, "if nobody gets on your nerves at a meeting, you just haven't been going to enough meetings." All are welcome, and where the hell else can you speak your mind and people at least are quiet enough to listen?
It's also very draining. I'm in extreme mental pain right now, and I seemto absorb and feel way too much, so sometimes I feel it's NOT good for me to go so much. My life is hanging by a thread, and I have nowhere else to go, and people have been kind to me there. I can't help it.
And a weird thing too. It's taking me a little to break through my isolation and low self esteem, so it hasn't been easy going to my AA group, but in ways I feel more at home there than at NA. In one way it's because of my queerness. At my AA group it feels like that doesn't have to matter and I can leave everything else at the door while I come in and focus on my self and experience. The NA group does have many more queer people, I think like 40% of the group I went to was such and while the rules are the same, I feel more almost pressured to make that part of my recovery. I do have some resentments regarding the gay community and how I've been incapable of forming relationships that aren't anything other than chaotic and painful.
Is this internalized homophobia? Have I been fucked up for so long, and not knowing who I am for so long, and having used "coming out" alcoholically, I still really don't? Have I snapped my own mind? Am I an empty, hungry ghost, unliving and hating it, with no energy to pick up tools for my liberation from this life, from this cruel, ravenous world?
If you used to be a heavy drinker & now you just smoke weed! YOURE DOING GREAT
if you used to smoke weed 24/7 and don’t now, but you just have a few beer or drinks every blue moon, YOURE DOING GREAT
if you were a pill head and now on methadone or subs, YOURE DOING GREAT
if you were a down head or a meth head and now you just smoke weed to cope with the side effects those drugs put on ur body for the rest of your life, YOURE DOING GREAT.
If you went cold turkey on everything all at once and never put a single substance in to your body after that, I’m proud of you! You’re doing great!
We are all just doing the best we fucking can!
don’t ever let someone tell your recovery journey isn’t “considered” recovery!
So I work at a rehab center and I am faced with the 12 steps of AA daily and frequently. Now I agree with AA at its core but have never liked the phrasing of the 12 steps. They are based in American Evangelical Christian ideology and while they do work, I find them to be a bit outdated. As well as hard for people to truly get what they are saying. So, I basically decided to try and rephrase the 12 Steps of recovery without the Evangelical, American, Christian lens.
1. Abandoned our pride and understood that we can no longer overcome our addiction(s) on our own.
2. We have come to understand that a higher power can aid us back to sanity. May that be God, Spirit, higher self, family, the cosmos, etc.
3. Made a decision to trust our higher power to provide and watch over us as we heal.
4. We have made a personal, deep inquiry into ourselves. We have discovered our faults and have grown to understand how they have come about within us.
5. Admitted to our higher power, ourselves and a trusted companion exactly what our faults are.
6. We are fully and truly ready to rectify our faults and become a better person.
7. We have come to trust and rely on our higher power to guide us to freedom from our addiction(s).
8a. Made a list of everyone we have harmed due to our addiction(s), and became willing to make amends to them.
8b. Made a list of those who have harmed us and became willing to let go of their hold over us.
9. Made direct amends to the people we have harmed wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
(The following steps are ongoing and serve as maintenance to keep us from falling back to old habits.)
10. We continue to take responsibility for our actions both past and present. When we are wrong we admit it but do not let it consume us.
11. Through prayer and/or meditation we strengthen our connection to our higher power and weaken our addiction(s)'s hold over us. Through prayer and/or meditation we ask only for the wisdom to stay sober, and the knowledge to aid others on their path.
12. As a result of our growth and healing we carry these lessons to others who have become sick with the illness of addiction.
i wanna drink i wanna drink i wanna drink i want to drink so bad god i want a drink i need to drink fuck im supposed to be sober but i feel like i have to have a drink right now or i'll die god i need a drink so bad i want to drink i want to drink i want to drink and do pills and smoke weed and take psychedelics and shoot up god i need something in my system right the fuck now or i'm gonna explode
Imagine sin as a skin disease that covered the bodies of every man, woman, and child, and that with the extent of our sins, the sicker we would be. Would we need to be quarantined? Would we need medicine or surgery? Would our appearance scare people away? Would we be total outcasts that were separated from our friends and family? That’s the thing with sin though. It can’t be seen or cured by man.…