time goes so fast. im not morally ready. i feel shattered and going out of my mind due to personal problems, but i hope at least the day i waited for so long and so much will cheer me up at least a little. i wish i could disappear and give up, but i'll continue to draw fukase at least. i don't care about how fictional he is, how virtual he is.
im not happy to say so, but if i promised to leave notes and thoughts there... the day started not bad but ended up awful in full strength it really can.
speaking about good things, well, I started to make the final piece and I was excited to drown in it again, the same as it was in the last year. this powerful and energetic bright atmosphere, that makes you sweat and scream because of drive and excitement, that urges you want to jump and sing in all your voice to support and cheer delightfully. to see these movements, dances, charm, shine, power, voice and what this voice can do piercing all your mind rapturously to the echo. i bet you don't know what am i talking about but soon you'll get it, I promise. I tried to imitate all this atmosphere for myself and i hope to transfer it into art.
i don't like what is it now. i really don't like. i'll make it better, i still have time.
i listened to random fukase songs today and threw them on my main twitter account, commenting some things. it was funny, i don't know is there anyone who followed it, but i have many thoughts about every song i tweeted, i notice most of details in pv, in cover, in voice, in author, i research a lot of things and can continue the theme. like, are you agree that fukase is better in covering high-ranged songs with hos lower range? jeez, it's amazing to hear every time!
also i have thoughts about drawing lenkase couple sometime in the future. i hate this ship, to be honest. or hated for a long time. recently i made a tweet asking people about its dynamics and someone told me something that make me interested. i'm used to hate it, i'm biased, but i always say that i want to appreciate all kind of content with fukase, at least, there's a lot of good people and great artists who draw them two. well, it'd be an interesting experience to draw notp but from the new angle.
also... i received a lot of support in this day. more than i've ever got in my life. i'm very thankful. i'm very grateful. i try. things don't get better, they get worse and worse and it's like a roller coaster.
people were supporting me yesterday as i struggled a lot because of many things. moreover, i received kind and adorable messages from people, i'm happy to be at this point with you all.