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#5 Ingredients or Less
askwhatsforlunch · 8 days
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Strawberry Frozen Yoghurt
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It might be the first day of Autumn in Aotearoa today; but the sun was out, high and hot in Auckland this arvo! The perfect weather to enjoy this simple as yet very good Strawberry Frozen Yoghurt. Happy Thursday!
Ingredients (serves 2):
half a dozen medium, ripe Garden Strawberries 
2 teaspoons caster sugar
180 grams/ounces plain Greek Yoghurt
Thoroughly rinse Strawberries under cold water. Drain them well in a colander.
Dice Strawberries, and place them in a bowl. Sprinkle with caster sugar, and give a good stir, to mix and coat Strawberries in sugar.
Place the bowl in the refrigerator, 1 hour, occasionally tossing the Strawberries.
Then, add Greek Yogurt to the bowl, and gently stir to mix, allowing the Strawberry syrup to swirl into the Yoghurt.
Spoon mixture into a freezable container and close well. Place in the freezer, for at least 3 hours.
Serve Strawberry Frozen Yoghurt with fresh Strawberries, if desired.
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cjcooksvegan · 1 year
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Easy Vegan Buttermilk (Only 2 Ingredients!)
how to make vegan buttermilk (only 2 ingredients) #veganhacks #veganbaking #buttermilk #soymilk
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gonguji · 2 months
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may... send out lantern rite asks 🤭
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darkwood-sleddog · 11 months
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the country store in town got new owners and a new chef and MAN are they spoiling us.
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nomaishuttle · 4 months
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my worst trait in my life is that if there is any task i hsve to do st all either for seriousness or for funsies i will legit slways say Wellll i have to make s spreadsheet abt this. sighing looking st my apartment purchases spreadsheet and at the blank spreadsheet that will become my apartment hunting spreadsheet and ar my spreadsheet for every single game ive ever played
#idm to brag to you guys but my sdv spreadsheet is so spectacular. i havent played in a while but i slayed it kinda rly hard.#i should make a blank version of it 4 if anybody wants it... it consists of likee. oh it hss come to pass i have in fact made a blank sdv#spreadsheet...#at least i think i have. the checklist page might be missing some things but i dont wanna go through and check. the list. lol.#but anyways as i was saying it consists of 5 subsheets soo its got like a mods section for listing mods with links 2 their posts for easy#updates etc. and then a checklidt of all the items you need to complete every collection + all the bundles + i dont think ive added in the#ones for quests yet (like repairing the bridge or the boat or getting jodi a starfruit or whatever) but if i ever get bsck into sdv i may#add thise. but rn its just for every collection (including cooking so it has all the ingredients you need for each recipe)#n thenn theres a sheet to list all your animals with their names n everything n what coop/barn theyre in#n then one with every single event + requirements and how to access it bc sometimes#they r so specific and i will judt forget i havent seen them or whatever. n then i just have a calendar with every birthday and holiday on#it which i personslly use to track wedding anniversaries/kids birthdays.. since i play with the mod where you cn marry multiple ppl i like#to be able to plan my weddings in advance#basically its like a rly good sheet i kjnd of slayed eith it#some of it i do need 2 change bc it is specific to. the mods i play with just some of the like. smaller stuff#like i use a mod that renames the luau into the potluck and rethemes it to be less. Of the devil.. so on my calendar i list it as the#potluck etc which if i actually wanted to share it id have 2 edit that but also i think everybody should play with that mod bc its rly msde#wellmade i meant. originally the sheet was just to track all my mods bc i use umm. hold on#99 mods... but only 75 of those are actual fun mods the other 24 are just dependencies and stuff.
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sherryfrajer · 8 months
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Here is my "oh god it's still 95F at 7pm" dinnertime solution: shelled edamame, smoked tofu, rice vinegar, chili crisp, scallions
Is it a meal? techinically! but if the girlies can invent new supper terms then so can I!
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mxwhore · 1 year
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end of semester, end of month, end of everything
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ellcrys · 1 year
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tried a new recipe this morning to get rid of the extra scallions i had and holy smokes it was good
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totopopopo · 2 years
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The feminine urge to make really bad soup
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bitchapalooza · 6 months
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A LOT of people come here just for the overpriced cinnamon bread, waiting in line for anywhere between 45 minutes up to an hour at most, and I have every nerve to just point guests to the official website where they list the bread recipe just so I can have some peace and less frosting to scrape off at the tables
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askwhatsforlunch · 4 months
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Creamed Spinach Conchiglie (Vegetarian)
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These hearty Creamed Spinach Conchiglie are also bright with a touch of lemon, which make them a comforting lunch after an hour or two spent weeding, trimming, and planting bulbs in the garden! Happy Tuesday!
Ingredients (serves 1):
125 grams/4.40 ounces conchiglie
about ¾ cup leftover Creamed Spinach
1/2 lemon
In a pot of salted boiling water, cook conchiglie according to package's directions, generally 9 to 11 minutes until al dente.
Meanwhile, heat leftover Creamed Spinach in a large saucepan. Once hot, grate in the zest of the lemon halve.
Once the pasta is cooked, drain quickly, saving about 1/4 cup of its starchy water, and add both to the Creamed Spinach, stirring well to coat, until sauce slightly thickens.
Thoroughly squeeze in the juice of the lemon halve, and cook, another minute.
Enjoy Creamed Spinach Conchiglie, topped with a little freshly grated Parmesan, and with a glass of chilled dry white wine like a Marlborough Sauvignon Blanc or Pinot Grigio.
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cjcooksvegan · 1 year
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Easy Vegan Chocolate Peanut Butter Cups (Only 4 Ingredients)
vegan choco pb cups are sooo good, and so easy to make! #veganreeses #veganpbcups #vegandessert #chocopb
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anyroads · 1 year
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OK you know what, if we're gonna talk about Bake Off then fuck it, let's do this.
It used to be this wholesome, lovely show! We used to watch it for the bakers! And the learning! And the light banter and occasional bit of coy innuendo! What happened?
Channel 4 happened. When they bought the show they made a number of changes, most of them Not Good™️. Not just in the sense of them resulting in a lot of 😬 and 🫠 moments, but in the sense of how they changed the show's purpose, atmosphere, and brand.
Look, I know most people are just like, "whatever, it's just a baking show," and yeah, sure. But it's one of the UK's most successful TV exports, and where it once shifted the tone of reality competition to being wholesome and supportive of contestants, it's since moved towards creating tension at the contestants' cost. So aside from the fact that most people watching it signed up to watch a nice show, it has also shifted the goalposts of what that even means. And that, lovelies and gentlefolk, is some bullshit.
I decided to break my rant analysis into four main parts: theme weeks, the hosts, the judges, and the bakers. Let's get to it!
Theme Weeks:
If you watch Bake Off, you know the show's always had a specific theme for each week. The staples that come up in most seasons are:
cake
biscuit
bread
pudding/dessert
pastry
patisserie
Less common but consistent are things like caramel and chocolate week.
Then there are the fun episodes! When GBBO was on the BBC, this started out with things tea week, tarts, pies, tray bakes, basically little tangents still focused on emphasizing specific baking skills. In Series 6 (still on the BBC) they had their first nation-focused theme week with French week -- fairly innocuous given that a lot of patisserie is French, France and England share much more culture than either cares to admit [Norman Flag dot gif], and it was a nice change from watching Paul make the bakers do recipes that involved boiling things while talking about how wonderful boiled doughs are (are they, Paul? Are they?).
The show kept mixing it up with innocuous themes like advanced dough and alternative ingredients weeks, European cakes, Victorian week, batter week, and botanical week. And while it was frustrating to watch Paul Hollywood mispronounce things like the Hungarian Dobos Torta and lecture bakers on babka when he clearly knew nothing about it (or about Jewish baking in general, go off Past Me), the show's general attitude was that the judges had their own opinions, which were separate from the immutable facts around the chemistry of baking (more on this later) and shouldn't affect how bakers are judged.
After the show moved to Channel 4, the number of themed weeks increased and more of them focused on specific countries. In 6 seasons on the BBC, there were only two country-focused theme weeks, and in 5 seasons on Channel 4 there have been five. And while they've also had themes like vegan baking, roaring 20s, the 1980s, spice week, etc. the show has really started to go hard on exoticizing other cultures in outright disrespectful and racist ways. There's been Italian and Danish week, German, Japanese (it wasn't, it was East Asian week), and now Mexican week (which doesn't touch on interspersed Jewish bakes that didn't get a theme week, like versions of bagels and babka set as technical challenges that were borderline hate crimes and mansplained by a guy who has no idea how to make either and once wrote in a cookbook that challah was traditionally eaten during Passover). Each time the hosts played up the theme with racist bits and jokes that can be used as evidence in court if your case is "why should shows with scripted content have a professional writing staff."
Which touches on other issues the show has now...
The Hosts:
When GBBO was on the BBC, the show was hosted by ✨Mel Giedroyc✨ and ✨Sue Perkins✨. They encouraged the bakers! They'd hold stuff for them sometimes! They were interested in them! If a baker had a breakdown, they would start singing copyrighted material to render the footage unusable! When the show moved to Channel 4, they left, though I'm not unconvinced that Channel 4 offered them impossible to accept contracts to force them out so they could rebrand the show. They replaced them with Sandy Toksvig and Noel Fielding. Sandy was a lovely host in the vein of Mel and Sue, and she and Noel had a relatively sweet rapport, but she left a few seasons ago and was replaced by Matt Lucas.
Noel Fielding is mostly known for his quirky brand of comedy, a sort of British Zooey Deschanel who's goth from the neck up, an upperclass British gay divorcee from the neck down, and basically an early 60s Beatle re: trousers. Matt Lucas has almost definitely never watched a single episode of GBBO and his most redeeming quality is his thinly veiled contempt for Paul Hollywood.
The two treat the baking tent as their personal playground. Far from the supportive attitude of Mel and Sue, they tend to get in the bakers' way during the most stressful moments, especially when they try to do hilarious "comedy" bits (I can't not put that in quotes) like Noel's talking wooden spoon thing, or Matt talking over Noel to do time calls. During theme weeks like Japanese and Mexican week, they do culture-specific bits that are both racist ("just Juan joke" and "is Mexico a real place?") and unsurprising, given that both Matt and Noel did blackface on their respective sketch shows and absolutely could and should have known better because it was already the current fucking century.
All this to say, there's now a separation between the bakers and the hosts, as if they're on different shows. The hosts are doing their own thing and the bakers are doing GBBO. The show has gotten meaner to the bakers, and the hosts aren't there to support them anymore, they're just there to be comic relief. Because when you refocus your show on stressing the bakers the fuck out, you need a forced laugh I guess ¯\_(ツ)_/¯.
The Judges:
First of all, a sincere congratulations to Paul Hollywood who managed to squeeze I jUsT cAmE bAcK fRoM mExIcO aNd YeT sTiLL pRoNoUnCe PiCo De GaLLo As 'PiKa De KaLLa' and I aM aN eXpErT oN s'MoReS wHiCh aRe MaDe WiTh DiGeStiVe BiScUiTs AcCoRdiNg tO mE, aN eXpErT oN s'MoReS, just two in a giant pile of astoundingly wrong hot takes, into a short enough time span that they all aired within Liz Truss's term as Prime Minister. A true man of accomplishments.
In the interest of fairness, I need to preface this with a disclaimer that, due to the fact that I've been watching Bake Off for most of its run, I'm biased. Specifically, I can't stand Paul Hollywood's smarmy, classist, egomaniac ass because he's proven time and again he's more interested in looking smart than actually knowing what he's talking about. Since the show moved to Channel 4, they've changed the occasional handshake Paul would give bakers to the HoLlYwOoD hAnDsHaKe™️. It's gone from being an emphasis of someone's skill to a goal, a reward, and one that emphasizes the judges' place above the bakers.
The judges used to function as teachers, imparting their skills and insights to the bakers. When the show was on the BBC, the voiceover leading to a judging would focus on the bakers' work being finished, saying how it will now be evaluated based on their skill and how well they met the brief. The voiceovers now, on Channel 4, focus on the judging (literally saying something along the lines of, "the bakers will now be judged by Prue and Paul"). There is a clear distinction Channel 4's producers have made, to mark that the show is now about whether or not the judges approve, not whether the brief was understood and executed well. On the BBC, it was irrelevant whether the judges liked a particular flavor, as long as the bake was well-made. Now, the bakers are expected to know the judges tastes and cater to them, which is frankly bullshit. A judge doesn't have to like a flavor to know whether or not it was executed well, ie. is it carrying a bake and was it meant to etc.
The judges have been turned into a brand. Cynically, Channel 4 knows that by building them up and focusing the show more on them, they can exploit their image more for profit. In the process, they've become much more biased and their own biases have come out as well. Most recently in the flaming dumpster fire that was Mexican Week, Paul Hollywood tried to intimidate a baker by telling them he had just gotten back from Mexico (which must have been a fruitful learning trip if he couldn't even learn how to pronounce pico de gallo correctly). Where do I even start with this? Here's an amateur baker from England (the show specifically casts middle and lower middle class bakers for the most part??) who likely can't afford trips to Mexico, who lives in a country with incredibly limited access to Mexican cuisine, who is expected not only to understand the cooking and baking traditions of a completely different culture but to do so well enough to play with it and do something creative with it. On top of which, one of the judges is now using his privilege of traveling halfway around the world as some kind of leverage, as if this were a bar that any amateur British baker could clear.
Prue, meanwhile, has openly asserted her biases against cultural flavors and textures, prioritizing her own personal preferences over them, as if they were in any way relevant to the skills and knowledge necessary to execute the tasks she sets to the bakers. She has also been consistently elitist, criticizing bakers for choices they made that were clearly informed by their experiences within income brackets that are too low and foreign for Prue to comprehend. She once had a go at a baker on a Christmas special because his Christmas dinner themed bake didn't have a turkey, even though it was clear from the stories he shared of his own Christmases that his family likely couldn't afford one. "It's not really Christmas dinner without a turkey," Prue said into the camera angrily while sitting on a chair made of live orphans and telling the ghost of Christmas Future to come back when he had another museum gift shop necklace for her to round out her collection.
The show is no longer about which baker has the best skills. It's become about which mortal can appease the gods of Mount Olympus, ie. the judges.
The Bakers:
Remember when the show was about them? Channel 4 doesn't! Because this is a reality competition show, the bakers are chosen both based on their skills, as well as cast-ability. They're cast as characters, distinct from each other, from different areas, age groups, ethnicities. All of them are amateurs. All of them are middle or lower middle class. They've ranged from college students to supermarket cashiers to prison wardens to scientists.
Something I noticed when the show moved to Channel 4 is that the baker who goes home in the first week is always wildly behind the rest in skills. I have no proof of this other than my eyeballs and deductive reasoning skills, but I think that Channel 4 deliberately casts a ringer each season who they think will be an easy send-off in the first week, just to get the audience's feet wet.
Anyway, like I said, this show used to be about the bakers - about them building skills and learning, and having walked into the tent with a self-taught foundation and understanding of the processes and chemical reactions involved in baking. When the show was on the BBC, the end of each round had some (often brief) moments of tension - will they finish in time? Will they get their bakes on the plate before time is up? Did they forget to add sugar to their batter and only remember at the last minute? In the end, they usually managed to finish and we'd all breathe a sigh of relief and think, yeah! You go, Bakers Who I'm Rooting For!
Now, on Channel 4, the end of round drama has been stretched to be so much longer that they've composed extra music for it. The bakers often seem out of their depth, whether because the instructions for the technical challenge are too vague (bake a lemon meringue pie??? As if anyone in the UK under the age of 60 has had one in the last decade???), or because they were expected to bake something that required a more than a basic foundation they weren't told of. Often it seems like they just aren't given enough time, a tactic used by reality competition shows to manipulate contestants into giving the cameras more dramatic content. On top of all this, the hosts get in their way, instead of helping them plate their bakes. As has been pointed out before, when everyone fails the challenge, the real failure lies with whoever set it.
In conclusion:
The show no longer exists to teach the bakers - and the audience - skills or knowledge. It now manipulates contestants for dramatic effect and prioritizes showing conflict over wholesome content. Channel 4 sees the bakers as social media content they can churn out season after season, and don't care about them because in a few months there'll be a new batch to exploit. Meanwhile, the judges are also out of their depth, co-opting recipes from other cultures and butchering them horrendously, while the camera gives them nothing but status as they hold bakers to the expectation that they learn how to make things very much the wrong way. If you saw any of the tweets about Mexican or Japanese week, or read my post on how Paul Hollywood isn't allowed to go near babka ever again, you'll understand.
So what would fix all this? Scrap the current judges and the hosts altogether. Bring back Mel and Sue, and replace the judges with expert bakers who have a love of their craft and want to share it with others. The draw of GBBO used to be its warmth and comfort - if Channel 4 isn't going to start its own version of Master Chef For Bakers, then it needs to stop trying to find a balance of how it can insert that vibe into GBBO. It can't. That's not a thing. Stop trying.
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novalizinpeace · 2 months
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Have been a time since i had made a full post for the cartoon critters, so time to give them some love
I present to you... The Smiling Critters's Family Tree
1- Dogday & Catnap - Queen Gaia
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''Everybody call her your highness, but for us, mom is just mom''
Her introduction in the cartoon is a surprise for everybody, since nobody knew Catnap & Dogday were actually sibling (even when the two refer to the other as brother, they thought it was a best friend thing), even less knew they were princes! Queen Gaia is a calm, motherly figure, but after lost her husband in a war with another kingdom, she decide to hide her two babies from the public, and when they became old enough to have a pendant, let them live with their people in hope to teach them to overcome their weakness (arrogance in Catnap and cowardice in Dogday). Her original pendant was able to move both the sun and the moon, but she divide it to let her sons the responsability (the one she have now is a fake one, something important for the season finale of the cartoon)
2-Picky & Kickin - Mr. Piggy
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''Our dad is the best!'' ''No comparation needed!''
Mr. Piggy isn't a recurrent character in the cartoon, making his debut in Kickin's birthday just to tell the story of how he found a egg with legs running around his farm (all the episode is basically a retell of the poor pigman trying to catch the egg while also having her daughter in his back). He's a good apple, loving dad that enjoy spend time with his kids, been cooking something with Picky (he teach her about healthy ingredients) or going fishing with Kickin (is the only calm activity Kickin can do without get bored). The Apple pendant was originally his, while the star pendant was found by the own Kickin.
3- Bubba - Mr. and Mrs Tiny
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''I'm just... A tiny Bubbaphant''
The stork made a mistake, and Bubba end up with two parents that only shared with him the big ears, but not for this the Tiny couple stop loving their son, nor Bubba stop looking at his parents as the best he could have. Their debut is subtle, and they don't have a lot of relevance in the cartoon, but is funny to see them from time to time over Bubba's head in a event.
4- Bobby - The Bearhug Family
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''Don't worry! They don't bite, i teach them not to''
Yep, Bobby come from a ''wild'' family. Their debut episode talk about the differences between a ''critter'' and a ''wild'' (basically, any real animal is a wild in this cartoon), been the whole episode a explication of how Bobby become the critter she's now (and how she got her pendant).
5-Hoppy - The Hopscotch sibling
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''We're a team! A team that hops together stay together!''
There's no a debut of Hoppy's parents, but it's implied that they're still alive, just really busy. Meanwhile, her sibling show up from time to time, been as background characters, or with their our episode, been two: one where Hoppy is wants to participate in a sibling deportive event and can't find the perfect harmony with any of her sibling ('cause none of them are as sporty as her), and one where she need to babysit Huppy, but the lil' troublemaker end up causing troubles for all the critters. In the sibling event it explain that Hoppy got her pendant from her big sister, 'cause she wasn't able to control the power like it was suppose to.
6-Craftycorn - King Canvas
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''I... had never been enough for him...''
No showing his full design yet, but only leaving something clear: he's a villain, having his debut in the season finale, but there's mentions of him around all the cartoon, incluying the implication of him killing Queen Gaia's husband. Craftycorn isn't a big fan of her dad.
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clandestineloki · 10 months
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Cold Flower (NSFW)
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A/N: My public apology for going dormant on Tumblr for nearly 5 months.
tw: jotun!loki dom!loki, sub!cottagegirl!reader, loki’s cock is big but his size kink is bigger, corruption kink, praise kink, manhandling but very cutely if i may say!!, unrealistically fast paced because loki is horny ) >:D
read it on ao3!!
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The grass tickles your ankles as you step through the bushes, careful not to step on any pretty flowers in your path.
Sunset is nearing, and you've only gotten so much as a few ferns. But you don't mind. The forest will bloom when it wants to, and even if you haven't collected any flowers for your work you're having a wonderful time looking around at all the birds and the deer and the butterflies and nature; just getting away from the busy life in the village is enough of a treat.
Stepping through a clear patch, you look around for any deer traps. What deer traps? The ones that have hidden nets that burst out from the ground like flytraps and scoop up any poor being that just happened to be there, leaving them trapped up in the air by a rope tied to a tree.
Now that you think of it, a clear patch in the middle of the forest means one thing: a deer trap has been set off already.
Right above where you stand.
Realizing the danger of being anywhere near a threatened or harmed deer, you’re ready to bolt out of the woods when you look up, and see a net that’s filled with leaves, branches, and stray grass reeds.
And dangling out of the net is a leg— a leg that looks less like a deer’s… and more of a person’s.
You gasp in horror. Someone’s caught in it!
Running around the tree, you find the rope suspending the trap buried in the ground. You rummage for your shears and hastily cut it, grabbing the rope to pull it down with your weight and let the trap sink to the ground slowly.
When it does, you run over, cutting away as much of the net as you can, digging through the leaves until you reach someone covered in an enormous fur cape.
You gingerly pull it back, and stare in awe.
It’s a man, with dark hair and sharp features, no doubt very handsome despite the scratches and cuts he’s sustained. The linen top he’s wearing is littered with twigs.
Softly, you brush away the twigs when you touch his wrist and freeze.
And quite literally, because his skin is as cold as ice.
Almost as if he were a corpse.
“Sir! Sir! Please wake up!”
When Prince Loki’s eyes open and adjust to the glare of the sun— and the silhouette blocking it out— his breath hitches.
Is this Valhalla? Am I… dead?
Surely, he must be. For above him kneels the most beautiful girl, almost shimmering in the golden light, it’s definite that you’re an angel.
“Hello? Sir? Can you hear me?”
An even lovelier voice for a radiant woman. He nods, and you let out a sigh of relief.
“Oh, thank goodness!” You lean forward, brushing away twigs from his face and cloak. “I thought you had died! I hate those deer traps, they’re dangerous and they're so hard to see! It almost killed you! Are you alright?”
“Yes- Yes, I’m fine. Thank you.”
It’s as if he spoke without thinking, eager to hear more from your pretty lips. You catch your breath, kneeling back down, and he sits up to get a better look at the captivating face of his savior.
“How long have you been up there?”
Loki brushes his hand against his cheek. “I'm not quite sure- ah-”
He hisses when his fingers graze a wound on his temple, and he retracts his hand to find a few specks of scarlet.
“Probably not long, I'm still bleeding,” he shows you his hand, and you gasp.
“Oh, no,” you take a closer look at his face. “My house isn't far from here, I can help you clean up and get some rest. You must be exhausted. Are you alright with some porridge and biscuits? They're all I have the ingredients for and the farmers’ market is a bit far so I'm sorry if...”
Loki honestly can’t concentrate on what you're saying. He nods along, but he's rather focused on you.
As he tags along behind you as you retrace your steps to your home, Loki whispers a thanks to whatever Gods led him to be graced by your beauty in this moment, regardless of the circumstance. He had just been hunting for sport, unaware of the trap that had pulled him up into the tree so suddenly and rendered him unconscious.
Now, he's found something— no, someone— better; a much more rewarding, delicious little prey.
“I just realized I haven't introduced myself."
Loki looks up just as you say your name, timidly holding out your hand. He takes it after a moment.
“Loki,” he replies, once he finds it in himself to speak.
“Like the prince?"
He recoils a bit in surprise. “Yes- Yes, like the prince. Uh-"
“How are you feeling?" you ask, dabbing the cloth lightly against his wrist.
“They don't hurt if I don't move."
“Okay. Let me know if it does.”
Loki nods, watching you silently tend to his wounds, before he hisses softly.
You flinch, pulling away. “Oh, I'm sorry-"
“You really don't know who I am?” Loki asks.
A second passes as you look down at him, brows furrowing as you sit down next to him on your bed.
“I can't recall. Sorry, have you ordered flowers from me before?"
“You run a flower shop?”
“Yes, that's why I was in the woods. I was looking for fresh flowers and came across you up in that trap.” You tilt your head. “What were you doing in the forest, anyway?"
“I was... hunting for deer, and the last thing I remember is hearing something above me snap.”
“Hunting… Is that what you do for a living?”
“Well, no. My brother and I do it for sport."
“Oh."
Loki stares at you blankly. “My brother, Prince Thor."
You nod.
Loki chuckles. Your pretty little head hasn't registered it.
He leans in close, brushing his lips against your ear, and whispers very slowly:
“I'm Prince Loki."
And the reaction he gets is the cutest. Your lips part as your eyes widen, to which he grins.
But he doesn't expect you to fling yourself off the side of the bed and onto the ground, bowing down to him.
“Your Highness!” you squeak. “I'm so sorry, I didn't know!! I-”
“Darling, please," he chuckles, shaking his head. “That isn't necessary-"
“I'm so sorry, I'll get some tea, do you want anything from the market? Please, allow me-”
Loki bends down, lifting you off the floor in a princess carry and sets you down on the bed.
“Please, don’t stress yourself. You saved my life.”
He takes your hand, kissing it softly as he smiles up at you.
“Thank you, pretty angel.”
Your eyes widen as you stutter out tiny breaths. Norns, aren’t you the most adorable?
“I don’t think you believe me.” He stands up, pretending to be offended by your silence.
“No!” you cry . “I mean- I do believe you! It’s just- I was surprised, I didn’t think-”
“Didn’t think what? A prince would just be out in the woods for no reason?” He laughs, leaning down to you. Before you can respond, he chuckles again. “That’s alright,” he steps back, “you just need a little… evidence.”
Loki closes his eyes, and lets himself shift into his true form: blue skin, dark green patterns across his biceps. He hears the tiniest gasp of amazement from you as the magic also heals his wounds and cuts (and hopes that he’ll hear more of those cute noises very soon).
When he’s done transforming, he opens his eyes and stares down at you.
Dear Norns.
He knew he was already taller than you in human form, but this was just delightful. You’re much tinier than him, staring up at his stature with those wide doe eyes of yours.
“You are-” you blink a few times in shock. “You are the Jotun prince.”
He smiles even wider. “That’s right.”
“And… I… just saved the Jotun prince.”
He starts laughing, leaning down to whisper in your ear.
“Clever girl.” He knows he’s downright cruel, teasing you just because you’re so cute. “And do you want anything in return for ‘saving the Jotun prince’?”
“Well, I don’t know-”
Loki walks closer to you, and stands between your legs as he drops his cloak to the floor and leans down, drawling his next words very slowly.
“You deserve something… special. Something downright… pleasurable as a reward for saving my life. Something that you’ll remember for the rest of yours.”
He chuckles darkly when your breath hitches in realization.
He wants to make love to you.
“What?”
He pushes you down on the bed, trapping you in with his large body as he takes your wrists in one of his hands.
“You’ll feel undeniable bliss. I’ll take you over and over and over again until I’m sure you’re truly satisfied, because you’re such a sweet little angel saving my life and cleaning me up and looking so fuckable.”
You mewl, no doubt keening from his dirty words. He cups your chin.
“All you have to do is say yes. You don’t even have to do anything~”
His thumb brushes over your quivering lips, and push into your mouth. Loki grins as you look up at him, nodding slowly.
“Use your words, angel,” he teases, pulling his thumb away from your mouth.
It takes you a few moments to catch your breath. “Okay…”
He wanted to make you beg. He wanted you to say please, please fuck me so he could flip you over like you weighed nothing and take you over and over again like you’d asked but the way you whimpered withered away the last of his patience.
He had to make you his.
Loki captured you into a passionate kiss, muffling every last sound your pretty lips made so that only he could hear. He pulled away only to push you down on the sheets again, forcing his tongue into your mouth as you twitch in his hold, unable to comprehend how dizzy you are from just a kiss.
The two of you pull away for air as his dark green irises watches your eyes glaze over with submission. He grins, unbuttoning his white button-up and tosses it elsewhere.
He grins as you stare at his chest. Your tiny hands reach for him, tracing over the markings and patterns.
Loki hisses, taking your hands in one of his. You whimper as he stares down at you.
“I’m sorry,” you mumble, “Did that hurt?”
“No, no.” His voice softens as he leans in, kissing your nose gently, his other hand pushing your dress up your thighs. He kisses your cheek, then presses his lips against your ear. You shiver at his ice-cold breath.
“It doesn’t, angel. It’s just that if you keep doing that, I won’t be able to resist flipping you over and pounding you into the sheets until you’re dripping with my cum and you can’t think.”
He pushes his knee against your crotch, making you squeak like a pathetic little mouse. Loki grins.
“I will be doing that, mind you,” he teases. “But I simply have to get a taste of your pretty juices first~”
Your skirt bunches up against your twitching hips as Loki stares down at your dripping cunt.
“Oh," Loki chuckles. “You're already wet for me, angel, isn't that adorable~?"
You mewl, bashfully covering your face as he grins at your embarrassment.
“Stop teasing..."
Loki shakes his head, pouting in mockery. “Only if you stop being so cute when you're flustered. But until then…”
He places his hands on your thighs, pulling you closer to him as he lowers his face to your mound.
“... I'll enjoy fucking you until you submit to me.”
Your eyes widen as he licks your folds very slowly, and you whine shakily.
“Prince Loki..."
Loki grins, kissing your pretty cunt wetly and pushing his tongue into your dripping hole. And your helpless whimper of pleasure as he devours your pretty pussy whole is the cutest and most captivating noise he's ever heard.
He draws it out of you again, and again, and again, drinking every bit of your slick, even if poor little you are just getting wetter and wetter.
You're panting now, and Loki is equally as short of breath, only ever breaking away from you to watch your pretty face scrunch up so cutely. Loki licks his lips, nibbling on your thighs and making you squeak and tremble in his icy grip.
“You're such an adorable little angel," Loki grumbles. "Makes me want to eat you up like a little mouse, hmm?”
He holds you down firmly as your moans tickle his ears. The way your little hole squeezes around nothing is just so cute, he just has to stuff you full after he makes you come far too many times than you can handle.
“Aww,” Loki chuckles as you whimper breathily, thighs thumping helplessly against the bed. “Little angel can’t take it anymore?”
He brushes a blue finger against your dripping folds, sinking into your hole for the millionth time making you squeak and sob in sensitivity.
“P-Please…” you mumble, glazed eyes pleading for a moment of rest.
He sighs, forgetting you’re just a pure little thing having her first time, and gently scoops you into his arms to press a few kisses to your cheek and whispering your name.
“Have I thanked you enough already~?” He teases, and you nod, nuzzling into his hold though you shiver lightly.
Loki’s heart skips a beat. He feels you cling to him tighter and he feels your little ass grinding against his cock.
“Well,” he muses, “I believe my kingdom will be overjoyed to find that an angel like yourself saved their prince, hmm?”
“Huh?” you ask, still pleasure-drunk as you settle into his lap, as if you perfectly fit in his hold.
“I said,” Loki chuckles his icy breath tickling your face, “My kingdom would be overjoyed to find a pretty thing like you saved the royal prince, wouldn't they?"
“Mhm..."
“And they'll throw a week-long celebration...” he continues, trailing kisses from your cheek to your shoulder. “All for you~”
“R-Really?” you gasp as he begins sucking on your skin, sure to leave marks after. “A whole week? That's too much-!”
Loki laughs against your shoulder, holding your hips down so he can feel your hips grind against his cock. “Nothing is too much for a perfect little angel like you~"
Loki licks the bite mark he's so carefully placed on your skin, then looks up at your glazed eyes and twitching pout.
“Would you like to come back with me to the palace?"
The look of confusion and bashfulness across your face makes his cock twitch against your bare folds.
“Me?! With you?!"
“Do you abhor the idea of that?”
He knows he's being mean and he knows you don't hate the idea, but Loki just can't resist seeing you so embarrassed and stuttering to apologize.
“No! I didn't mean that! I was just surprised-"
Loki shakes his head with a little chuckle, and brings you closer to his face to kiss the crease between your eyebrows.
“I know, I know. I was just teasing."
“Don't be mean like that!”
Loki laughs darkly when you cross your arms.
In a flash, he’s got you on your hands and knees before your pretty head can even figure out what’s going on.
“And if I do, what are you going to do about it?”
You shiver at the dark growl in his voice.
You're so far deep in this haze all you can see is blue.
“Your highness-!”
Loki presses your chest against the bed, leaving your pretty ass on display, purely his for the taking.
“You’re just a little mouse that can’t hurt anything, hmm? Just so innocent, and weak, and ready to be ravished.”
A cold, thick finger traces your wet folds, and you whimper, burying your face in the sheets as he tickles your hole until you’re shaking with need.
“Maybe I’ll take you back home with me… and make you my wife.”
Loki shoves his finger all the way in, knocking the wind out of you because you swear you can feel him in your tummy.
“Your- Your wife?” You ask, voice higher and breathier.
“Yes~” he mocks your airy voice. “My pretty wife, who won’t have to get her pretty hands dirty ever again, who I’ll take care of, and protect, and fuck every single night.”
Loki curls his finger, reaching that sensitive little part in your cunt that effectively leaves you a mumbling, drooling mess on him.
When he’s gotten you wet enough, he draws his finger back (to his cute little angel’s momentary dismay) and forces your thighs apart with his body, the head of his cock twitching against your folds.
Loki will forever remember the gasp you let out when you feel just how big he is.
“Do you want to be fully mine? Do you want me to fuck this little hole of yours with my cock until you’re screaming for me?”
You whine at his dirty words, slurring something that sounds like a yeah, and he knows he’s got you exactly where he wants you.
“Really?” he chuckles, fingering your little hole one more time to slicken your folds. “Do you think I’ll fit~?”
And with the dirty wet noises that tickle his ears as he sinks all the way in he gets his reply.
“Oh?” Amused, he runs an icy finger up and down your bare back. “She can take it, after all. What a good girl~”
Loki barely gets the praise out before the prettiest whimpers fall out of your mouth like sweet honey, your poor cunt clenching down on him as your voice gets higher and breathier by the minute.
“Please-” you hiccup, turning to look at him with those pretty teary eyes.
His vermillion eyes stare you down cruelly as he grinds his hips down into your ass, making your head fall onto the sheets as you slur out a moan.
His cock feels so heavy inside you and by the way he laughs quietly you know he knows just how big he is compared to you.
And the way he pins you down harder lets you know he loves it.
“Oh, you just feel so good around my cock,” Loki groans, pulling back and thrusting into your leaking little pussy.
Poor you, already sensitive beyond imagination as this handsome blue prince ruins any other man for you with the way his cock stretches you out better than anyone ever will.
Not that anyone else will get the chance to. Loki’s decided it: he will take you home to the palace and make you his wife, and everyone will bow before their new princess.
Loki can't resist you any longer. He beats your poor cunt like the beast he is until you're whimpering and bucking against him helplessly.
“Feels... weird..." you shudder and gasp, tears leaking from your eyes as he sinks deeper into you, his huge cock hitting all the good spots inside you as your pleasure takes over your senses.
“Oh, is she close? Is this perfect little cunt going to come all over me?”
Loki's dirty words make you whimper and nod dumbly.
“Yeah," you sob.
Loki laughs at how blissed out his little saviour is and stops,pulling out slowly and groaning when he hears the sinful squelching as your juices drip onto the sheets. He turns you on your back, pinning your wrists to your sides, and captures your lips in his as he sinks into you once more.
“I missed these pretty lips," he smirks into the kiss, taking you for himself.
“Y-You just kissed me a few minutes ago..." You sigh dazedly, though you love the attention he's giving you.
“Still can't get enough of you. You're just so sweet~" Loki licks your lips, thrusting harder and making you squeak and link your fingers through his.
“Say my name."
“Loki...”
“Gods," he throws his head back, almost moaning at how submissive you sound. “Surrender to me, darling."
His hands snake down to the back of your thighs, lifting them and pressing them to your chest, quickening his pace.
Your eyes scrunch up as you nearly scream in pleasure, wriggling away as if you could escape from him.
“Surrender to me, angel~" he grins, kissing your neck and marking you up. “A pretty angel like you deserves to be pampered like this every day. Imagine that? You'll never have to lift a finger, I'll do all the work, I'll do all the fucking.”
Loki accentuates that last word with a hard thrust into your hole, making your eyes blur over with tears as you mewl helplessly in the Jotun prince’s tight grip.
“Awh, don't cry," he teases, kissing your nose when he gets a sinfully great idea.
He stops his movements, making sure he's buried all the way inside you before he flattens his tongue against your soaked cheek and licks your tears away.
You gasp, stunned for a moment before you keen and twitch helplessly, whining loudly as he does the same to your other cheek.
And your poor little cunt just clenches down again.
Loki growls, his primal instincts taking over because you're his ideal mate and you're nothing like he's ever seen. The sounds in the room get filthier and filthier as he loses control and rams into your poor hole.
“What do you say, angel?" Loki asks, letting go of your wrist before his hand makes its way down to your clit, rubbing the little bud and making you scream and tremble in his arms. “Be my- fuck- be my bride? Be my pretty little princess?”
“Yeah,” you mumble, chest heaving as your eyes flutter shut.
“Are you close?"
“Mhm..."
“Cute little mouse," he chuckles, pressing open mouth kisses to your neck as he rubs your clit. “Let go for me now, angel."
It’s a sight from heaven as you orgasm all over him, soaking his cock with your juices and helplessly thumping your thighs against the bed because Loki won't stop thrusting in and out of you.
Loki growls, pinning you to the bed. He stills, and you gasp at the feeling of his warm, thick cum filling you up. It makes you feel even more full than you already do and it makes you dizzy with even more pleasure.
It becomes too much for your melting brain to handle when he pushes deeper into you and you gasp, attempting to kick him away.
A firm, cold hand grabs your ankle and spreads you wider, and you whine shyly when he grins at you with a cruel glint in his eyes.
“Stay with me, darling," Loki teases, gripping your hips possessively and holding you still on his cock so he can finish filling you up.
It feels like hours before he breathes again, but it's only been seconds for him, already wanting another round with you.
But the prince resists, setting your sore legs down slowly and carefully sliding out of your cunt.
You sigh in exhaustion, but your breaths falters in embarrassment when you feel just how much he pumped into you, dripping out of your twitching folds and onto the bed.
A tiny drop even lands on your ass and Loki chuckles at your wide eyes, leaning down to kiss your lips and whisper a dirty promise that he'll fuck you down there too next time.
“Next time?” you ask, lips parting.
“Yes," he teases. " I've decided it, you're never leaving my side, my guardian angel~”
And he scoops you into his side, letting you rest before he has a few more rounds with your pretty hole— then he'll take you back home to the palace and convince you to stay. He'll show you the library. He'll let you lose yourself in the royal gardens all day if you wish! As long as you return to his chambers each night and let him please you the way you deserve to be.
But he's fallen for you already and the whole kingdom will burn in a blaze of sapphire dust if anything or anyone ever keeps him away from you.
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Text
This morning sucked. Woke up at 7 on less than 5 hours of sleep to bake over 50 Eccles cakes. Didn’t have like half my ingredients. Bought more only to realise I still didn’t have them all. Burnt myself on the syrupy filling. Printer died on me as I was trying to get a printing job done. Forgot to have lunch I was so excited. Locked my car key in the boot. Waited an hour in the sun in all black to make sure I didn’t get a parking ticket whilst trying to get said key out. Got stuck in traffic for half an hour only to find I’d just moved under 100 metres. Accidentally had the thermostat cranked up to 40C the whole journey. All of this, just to get to a screening.
Then when I got there….
Shrimp emotions. The atmosphere was incredible. Got there 3 hours early. Immediately bonded with people, and it just felt so warm and exciting. I passed round the Eccles cakes in its little (very large) Antichrist basket. We all counted down with the timer waiting for the episodes to start. The episodes were amazing, and I have to thank @neil-gaiman for making this season come true - it was everything I hoped for and more, and I think that’ll be the case for pretty much everyone. I wouldn’t trade this experience for the world, even if I had to live through this morning 20x over.
Trust me when I say you’re not prepared for season 2. No one is.
Anyways here’s a picture of the cakes in their basket:
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