#5 seconds of summer fanfic

[bartxnhood]

wanna be yours | l.h

luke hemmings x fem!reader

summary: luke had his eyes on you from the moment you met him so, it killed him when you couldn’t take the hint that he was in love with you.

warnings: two oblivious people in love, my bad writing, mentions of a lot of drinking

a/n: someone asked for jealous and protective luke ??? say no more. feedback is appreciated ! ALSO didn’t exactly turn out how i originally thought but it’s a good start !! enjoy !!

requests open

not proofread

Copyright © 2023 bartxnhood. All rights reserved. This original work is not allowed to be reposted on any platform in any format.

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there is a scene in a movie where the lead character and the love interest lock eyes.

they lose sight of everything around them, leaving just each other in focus. you never liked seeing those kinds of movies, thought it was cliche, and never believed in love at first sight. if you're being honest, it was overdone, unrealistic, and plain annoying.

but, it was fate that it would fall on you.

you didn't enjoy parties because there were too many people there, you didn't like drinking, and people were making out all over the place, some of whom were newlyweds and others who were having affairs. you hated being messy, and gatherings were messy. also, you made an effort to limit the number of your friends because you found it uncomfortable to be surrounded by so many people.

but ashton, your best friend, pleaded with you to attend this particular gathering. hours would pass, and just when you thought he had finished pleading, he would resume. so you gave in.

that’s how you found yourself at ashton's house, sitting in your car, staring at your phone, and observing the passing of time. It had been over fifteen minutes since you had first decided whether or not to do this. hearing the faint music emanating from the house, your chest felt constricted. you pushed open the car door and walked over to the home. attempting to summon the guts to enter by standing outside the front door.

when the door opened, there was a strong odor of alcohol, as well as loud music and conversation. while searching among the throng of individuals swaying their bodies against one another to find your friend, you regretted your decision to agree. when you eventually located the man after searching the kitchen, the other person standing by his side immediately caught your eye.

everything around you vanished in an instant, leaving you only able to concentrate on the man with whom you had just locked eyes. wonderfully curled hair, flawless skin, eyes the color of the sea, and just enough of his white silk shirt's buttons were undone to make you flustered. he was stunning. all of a sudden, the room contained only you and him. there was only you and him; nothing else or anyone else was important.

but you were pulled from that thought As ashton grabbed your wrist and said, "cmon!", you were jolted out of your trance-like state. ”i gotta introduce you to everyone!" the australian cheered and dragged you into the kitchen where everyone was standing; all of a sudden, you were the center of attention. you waved to the small group of people while saying, "guys, this is my amazing friend, y/n," feeling a little uncomfortable at the unexpected focus. “y/n, this is calum, michael, crystal, sierra, and luke,” ashton said as he made an introduction.

the small group of individuals exchanged smiles, and you shook hands with each person before approaching luke with a gentle "hello."

wow.

your palm touched his, you prayed he wouldn't notice your flushed cheeks, and you both nodded. he was the most stunningly handsome person you had ever seen, by a long shot. ashton once again grabbed your arm away and dragged you out of the kitchen before you had a chance to continue admiring his attractiveness. while waving the group off, you glanced over your shoulder. You weren't angry with ashton since he knew you'd never tried something like this and that you were making a big step by doing so. he also needed a reason to prove to his buddies that you were real and an important part of his life.

at night's end, you were sitting in ashton's backyard, lounging around the pool, admiring the reflection as lights danced across the water of the pool. even though roughly half of the people left, music continued to play. people said he would always throw the nicest parties, and now you understood why. but you simply weren't made for this situation; you were too uncomfortable and worn out from engaging with everyone for so long. You simply wanted to return home, binge-watch your favorite movie in the coziness of your bed, and eat some frozen pizza.

the word "hey" surprised you and made you flinch just a little. your eyes landed on the person standing above you, holding one cup while concealing the other in his pocket. luke apologized for the quick response, "oh, sorry, i thought you heard me," but you just shook your head. you shrugged and turned to face the swimming pool, saying, "no, it's alright, was just thinking." there was a little period of silence since neither of you knew exactly what to say. you had just recently met. “do you want a drink?” he asked. “oh, no thanks,” you said as you once again looked up at him. “i'm not really a drinker.” the blonde let out a gentle laugh. "but you came a party?" while scratching your forehead, you chuckled alongside him. “well, ashton is a push-“ over. yeah. that he is," luke continued your sentence and you laughed. “i think i’m heading home now, im way too tired to stay much longer”. you got out of the lawn chair facing luke.

his mind began racings, he didn’t want the conversation to end just yet. he had to think of something so he could see you more. “do you need a ride?”

your hands were crossed, and your eyes darted back to his and then to the cup in his grasp. "thanks for the offer, but I just live ten minutes away," you said. he extended his hand to you after giving you a nod and pulling it from his pocket. “it was lovely meeting you, y/n,” “you too, luke”

you had no intention of seeing luke again after that. you had your friend group, ashton had his own, and you happened to be a part of both. you had no intention of ever returning to another party unless you absolutely had to be there; that atmosphere wasn't for you. it was too much for you, and you just wished ashton would be more considerate of your decision. you knew he wanted you around; you'd been best friends since high school, and it was difficult for you both to have separate lives.

but fate had something else in store for you.

it was subtle when you first became aware of his presence. you ran into him a few times in town, which wasn't unusual. but then he'd show up at your job, or he'd find his way into the same restaurant you were in. it was amusing at first because what are the chances you'd keep meeting like this?

so you confronted him one day. “you know, if you keep this up you’ll have to take me out for coffee” you started, putting down the record you pick up. this was one of the many times you had run into luke while running errands. this time, the both of you ended up in a local record store. you heard him chuckle softly before turning to you, “are you asking me out on a date?” he leans against the shelf raising his eyebrow. you shrug, “more like telling you to take me out” he nods, leaning in closer. “i see..then i guess i’ll see you tomorrow?”

you and luke are two opposites but somehow you two hit it off

he drinks while you don’t.

despite your differences, you detested parties, and luke's life was spent drinking; not you. you've never thought that opposites attract. yet it was odd because as time went on, you discovered that you were rather similar. you and luke had a lot in common, and you got along just well. it was never dull or tiring since the two of you could converse for as long as it took, even until the sun rose. you frequently found yourself stranded in ashton's or calum's backyard, relaxing on the chairs after talking until the wee hours of the morning like you were adolescents.

each time the two of you are in close contact, there is tension. You adored the quiet glances you two shared. It was much more enjoyable because it seemed as though the two of you were barred from being together.

It was never meant to go this far. You'd been hanging out with Luke for quite some time. you've been wanting to be with him every other day for at least a few months now, waiting for his texts or calls saying he wanted to hang out or if he found a new restaurant he thinks you'd like. or the way he'd subconsciously hold the small of you back while leading you through a crowded area, or how he'd always go out of his way to make sure you got home safely.

it was never supposed to escalate this quickly.

you found yourself wanting to hang out with him even more, wondering if Luke would be there when ashton asked you to hang out. You started thinking about him all the time.

that's when it started getting more complicated. you knew something between you changed after being with him so long. and although you knew how it changed you, you were too scared to jeopardize anything between you not when it was fresh.

truthfully, you just displayed to him, that you'd always be available. you could say no to anyone who had ever asked you out because of your newfound feelings for luke. but you couldn't tell him that, it was too soon. but even then, you couldn't get the sound of his laugh out of your mind, or the way your name rolled off his tongue like it was meant to be there. you couldn't stop picturing what it would be like to lay in his arms, limbs tangled together as he sang you the sweetest lullaby.

unknown to you, luke made an effort to avoid you in the beginning because he knew he couldn't control himself with you. no matter how hard he tried to hide himself from you or push you away, you always managed to find a way into his head like an addictive substance. as you were the most gorgeous person he had ever seen, he wanted to shield you from all harm and evil in the world and would do whatever it took to ensure that everyone knew the two of you belonged together.

but, did you know that?

you began to watch him from then on, looking for clues that could point you in the right direction. you'd noticed him fiddling with his rings, then grazing over the leg of his jeans or joggers, slipping his hand between you on the couch. his hand would inch across the seat, pausing now and then. then he'd retreat without much thought, preferring to rest his hand on his thigh rather than bother with yours.

nothing would have made you happier than to come across his hand. any action would be preferable to simply waiting for him to take the initiative and pleading with your eyes as if it would help. you contemplated inviting him over, striking up a conversation, or even touching his hand. Instead, you remained silent despite your strong desire to speak but your inability to do so.

you have no idea how or why you began to feel more confident around luke; you were the shy and reserved friend before meeting him, but you changed completely after meeting him. and you knew people would judge you for it, saying things like, "oh, i can't believe you'd changed yourself for a guy!" however, this was not the case. he made you feel something that you couldn't put into words. maybe he inspired you to be someone you've never been before.

you were standing outside ashton's door, picking at your nails, debating whether this was a good idea. you were dressed differently than usual, wearing a tight dress with a large leather jacket over it to try to hide your body.

something like this was extremely unusual for you, and you may have been an idiot to dress like this for a man who probably only thought of you as a friend. but it had to be worth a shot, right?

you let yourself in, the music was blaring and the pungent smell of liquor was all too familiar to you. you pushed through the people and eventually got to ashton’s living room where everyone else was. they all cheered and greeted you.

ashton hugged you first and said a bunch of drunk incoherent words about how happy he was to see you. then you greeted luke with a warm while which he reciprocated. “happy birthday luke” you said, he nodded. “thank you, y/n”.

after the small reunion, the group dissolved. everyone was off doing their own thing. you found yourself standing outside, a cup in your hand filled with whatever you found. the night air was a bit chilly which caused you to curse at yourself mentally for wearing such a short dress.

“you look nice.” luke’s voice rang as he came up behind you. You looked over your shoulder and spotted him. “thanks.” you smiled, and he raised his eyebrow. “you dress up that pretty for me?” he was standing next to you now, his comment and proximity were enough to make you blush. “and what if i did?” you retorted. luke smirked, “i’d be thankful because you look so good in that dress.”

he leaned closer, keeping eye contact with you.

he was so close to you that your heart began to beat quickly. you were attempting to read him while his eyes were staring right through you. there are two possible outcomes here. one of two things will happen: either someone will interrupt you like in a cliché movie, or he has the ideal opportunity to kiss you right now.

he leans in even closer, saying, "i'd even say that you should start dressing like this too, it suits you." you felt the blood rush to your cheeks.

kiss me. please. just do it

you wanted him to make the first move because this moment had the chance to change everything. you didn't want to appear so desperate. luke must have noticed your begging expression because he started leaning in again, this time only a few centimeters from your lips.

oh, god. it’s happening. it’s happen-

“come on man, it's time for you to open your presents!" michael interrupted the situation by shouting from the kitchen. you sighed as you saw luke leave. you could almost sense the disappointment in his eyes as he turned to look at you to check if you were following him.

“okay, and it seems the last one is from….y/n!” michael and calum handed over the large box to luke.

luke unwrapped the box, displaying the guitar case as you watched. he looked perplexed as he tried to imagine what you may have given him. the one guitar he had been dreaming about was waiting for him when he opened the case. "y/n.." He takes the guitar in his hands and places it on his lap.

everyone who was gathered around him suddenly turned to look at you. he is the last one to do so.

"you bought this?" He asks, and you nod while beaming broadly. he had never looked so startled to you. how did you know, exactly? “how…how did you?” he trailed off.

"well, you talked about it for so long, and occasionally i caught you looking it up. so i thought, why not get it for you?“ you responded.

luke stood up and hurried to you after putting the red guitar back in its case. you were engulfed by his arms, spinning you. "im grateful. I have never gotten a present better than that. I promise i’ll treasure it” he smiles, “i know you will luke”.

and for the rest of the night, everything went great. until it didn’t.

"y/n," ashton said, pulling you out of your thoughts.

"hm?" he had a mischievous smile on his face as you dropped your phone to your lap. "have you ever tried playing the drums?" "no?" you shook your head. It came out as a question as if you were asking yourself a question. "why?" he approached you and reached for your wrist. "you're about to!"

ashton was perched on the stool and sat you down on his lap, having handed you his drumsticks and demonstrated how to hold them properly as his hands caressed yours. he explained that he would only have you play a simple beat. he taught you the basics and then let you play a few beats on your own. you didn't notice how close ashton was, how his breath tickled your spine, or how delicately his hand held yours.

you two were laughing because you couldn't play because you had almost no rhythm. "this is exactly why you guys are musicians," you laughed, rising from ashton's lap and returning his sticks. "nah, practice enough and you'll get good enough to join the band," he winked.

luke watched the scene unfold in front of him, how close ashton was, the way he eyed you like you were some kind of prey. his hand was supporting his chin, his elbow was resting on the couch arm, and his jaw was locked. luke began tapping his finger impatiently against his cheek, were you so oblivious? everyone was making moves toward you, and you didn't even look at him? he pushed himself off the sofa and out of the room to get some fresh air. if he was in there any longer he would explode.

he hated the fact that, despite your lack of effort, you had him in your grasp. luke hated how near the guys were to you and how they treated you like they were hunting prey. how did you not notice how they eyed you? how the other boys treated you like some kind of object. especially ashton.

we’re you so oblivious to their advances? did you not see how luke wanted to rip you away from them and keep you all to himself?

did you even notice his attempts to try and win you?

He wanted the world to know how badly he wanted you, how you were his, and that despite his best efforts to deny it, he was falling in love with you. Luke had difficulty accepting it, but he would go to the ends of the earth for you.

“what was that about?” you ask, after watching luke exit the room. calum shrugged, “who knows. it’s luke” he didn’t look at you as he was nose deep in his phone. you looked around the room, everyone seemed not interested. “he probably left because ashton was feeling you up” someone added. you huffed, grabbed your jacket, and walked outside to the patio.

you saw his silhouette and walked up to him. “luke?” he didn’t respond and you walked closer. “lu?” you spoke the nickname you had given him. he finally turned back to look at you.

you saw that look in his eyes, the only look he had when looking at you. “luke, what’s going on? why’d you walk out like that? did i do something wrong?” his back was still turned to you, refusing to look at you. “you just don’t get it, do you?” he still wouldn’t face you. “get what, luke? the fact that you’re ignoring me in front of everyone and leaving me in the dark.” you were feeling frustrated, upset that he wouldn’t even look at you. “god, luke, just look at me!” you grabbed his arm, spinning him around so he’d have to look at you now.

“talk to me.” you pleaded. your eyes begging as you stared into his blue eyes. luke hated it, he hated how you had him in the palm of your hand ready to do anything for you if you’d just say the words. he detested that no matter how hard he tried, it would always be you. “oh, baby,” his hand caressed your cheek. “don’t make me spell it out for you…you know i want you”

“what?” you were only able to mutter, feeling the heat take over your face. maybe it was the liquor, or maybe it just was the fact that he said those words. you opened your mouth to say something but he cut you off. “every fucking day, I wish you were mine- every single goddamned day.”

you removed his hand from your cheek, silently missing his touch. “how was i supposed to know you felt more for me than just a friend, lu?” you saw his brows furrow. “you never explicitly told me, you wanted me..why?” you trailed off, you watched as he tried to come up with an explanation. “you never, ever, use your words like.”

you watched as he examined your face. you were mad but calm. it scared him, we’re you about to reject him? “for someone who writes songs for his job, he would be able to express his feelings freely. i guess not.”

“how did you expect me to decipher the hundred different ways you look in my direction? this isn’t just on me yknow. luke goes quiet, his eyes looking deeper into your eyes than before.

“i thought my actions would say all they needed to” you reply, “i thought you were just acting as a friend? you and all the guys act the same” luke locks his jaw, balling his fits by his side. “they act that way because they want to fuck you y/n.” you look taken aback legging out a scoff.

“so what about you, then?” “what about me?” “are you acting this way because you want to fuck me?” you smirk as luke realizes he backed himself into a corner.

“i—no? that’s not what—fuck.” he runs his hand through his hair. “let me start over. y/n, i’m sorry i wasn’t honest and i’m sorry i didn’t use my words. but i want you more than a friend should and i need to know, do you want me that way too?” you try to hide your smile while you step closer and wrap your arms around his neck. “see now was that so hard?”

he looks down at you, raising his eyebrow. “you didn’t answer the question.” you let the smile take over fully. “luke hemmings i have been tripping over my feet since the day we first met. yes, i very much want you too.”

he tucked a strand of your hair behind your ear, allowing him to peck your lips. “i was hoping you’d say that”

(and you can predict the end u filthy ppl<3)

#5sos fan fiction #5sos smut #5 second of summer imagines #5 seconds of summer fanfic #5sos x reader #5sos imagine #luke hemmings x reader #luke hemming imagines #luke hemmings imagine #luke hemmings fanfic #luke hemmings x you #luke hemmings blurb #luke hemmings fluff #luke hemmings angst #bartxnhood asks #bartxnhood writes

[calumsrockstar]

Bunny - Ashton Irwin

a/n: DADDY ISSUES NATION RISE! This is my longest fic until now, and it´s inspired by @rip-quizilla.

word count: 3k

Where you find a mysterious hot neighbor.

Contents: MAJOR AGE GAP (reader is 19 and Ash is 44), perv!ash, spanking, pet names, praise, unprotected p in v, oral (f and m recieving) masturbation (f and m), corruption kink, daddy kink

Older!Ash x Reader

You entered your brand new house, it was small, but spacious considering it was your first. Your mom and your dad finally let you move out, giving you all the privacy you needed.

For the first month everything was normal, until you heard almost every mom in the neighborhood talk about a handsome and mysterious Mr. Irwin. Only to notice that he was living right next to you.

You were curious, since moving to the neighborhood, you´ve never seen what he looked like, your window was right opposite his, but he always kept the curtain closed.

Adjusting yourself, you looked at the mirror and flattened your yellow sundress. It was a hot summer day, and what better way to quench your thirst than to deliver lemonade to your supposedly hot neighbor?

You opened the fridge to get a large jug of your homemade lemonade, and left the house, leaving the front door unlocked.

Walking to his house, you took deep breaths, and knocked on the door. Now you wait.....

A tall man opened the door, looking to be in his 20s. His light brown hair looked soft and curly. his skin sunkissed. "Hi there." He smiled. Making you forget why you were there.

Holy shit.

"Um-hi." You smiled. "I moved here a month ago and I ́ve never said hello, I decided to bring you some lemonade. Some friendly neighbor activity." You chuckled.

He looked you up and down, basically devouring you with his eyes. "That's awfully kind of you." You detected some kind of accent. "It 's no problem." You replied.

"Sorry if this is too direct but, how come i´ve never seen you before?" You asked him. "At my age, I don't go out of my house much honey, I like to read, play music." You raised an eyebrow. "Your age? Like 25?"

He let out a throaty laugh. "You flatter me." Making you smile. "How old are you?" You asked. "If you don't mind me asking of course." He grinned. "Guess."

"28?" He shook his head no. "30?" He shook his head no again. "35?" You asked, hoping you didn't say he was too old. "More." He grinned. "No fucking way." You replied. "40?" He clicked his tongue. "You're getting closer." Your mouth was practically on the floor. "I´m 44, sweetheart."

"What? That's insane." You smiled. "You definitely don't look or act 44." You said. "Hey, how is a 44 year old supposed to act?" He chuckled. "I don´t know, smoking cigars on your front porch, maybe?" You smiled. "I´m young at heart, you know." He leaned down to talk to you.

"How old are you, little lady?" He grinned. "I'm 19." He widened his hazel eyes. "19, wow. Basically a baby." You fake pouted. "I'm not a baby." You smiled, teasingly. "You are to me." He replied. You frowned. Did he actually think of you as a kid?

"What´s a young girl like you doing living all by herself?" He asked. "I just moved out, I wanted some privacy." You replied, making him raise an eyebrow. "Privacy, huh? You sure you´re not gonna throw any parties?"

You laughed. "That's not what all kids do these days, by the way. Maybe in your time, Mr. Irwin." You put your hand on your forehead. "That was rude, i´m sorry." He laughed. "How do you know my last name?" He smiled.

You turned pink. "Well, you must know that women talk about you." He raised an eyebrow. "Do they?" He chuckled. "Yeah, all the time." You replied.

"Can you tell me what they say?" He smiled, making you turn an even deeper shade of red. "Well, they all say you're really handsome and stuff... And how they wonder if you have a wife." You smiled. "No, I don't have one, sweetheart." He grinned.

Oh god yes.

"Oh, that's good to know. I mean, that's cool." You stuttered. Making him chuckle. "Well, I guess I´ll see you around, Mr. Irwin." You said turning your back. "Please, call me Ashton." He blurted out. "What's your name?" He asked. "It´s y/n." You smiled. "Nice to meet you y/n." I hope to see you soon." You looked over your shoulder and nodded.

When you turned around, Ashton couldn't help but look at your ass. It was sculpted and it drove him crazy. He could tell you were definitely trouble.

Ashton closed the door, and smiled. You were the only thing he could think of for hours. He wanted to get to know you, to know what your interests were, your life. He already was utterly obsessed. He felt like a teenager again, with hormones blossoming inside of him.

You were sweet and innocent, like a bunny. Something deep inside him wanted to ruin you.

You could not help thinking of him too. His tattooed arms, his curly hair, how his tank top hugged every place of him. How his shorts were tight around his bulge.

Shit. You wanted to fuck your 44 year old neighbor.

Ashton let his curiosity get the best of him. He finally opened his office window, to see if he could peek inside your house. Fortunately for him, this was the window directly opposite your bedroom.

After a long day, you decided to go to your bedroom to relax. Kicking off your shoes and getting out of your sundress. It was hot, so you absentmindedly left your bedroom window open, not knowing you had a spectator.

"Holy fuck." Ashton thought, his jaw was on the ground. You were wearing a lacy pink underwear set. The dim lighting in your room made you look ethereal.

Ashton was getting harder by the second. He knew this was wrong. Spying on his innocent little neighbor. But at this moment, he could care less.

You took off your bra, slowly. Ashton watched your breasts slip out of them, he thought he was dreaming. You were the most beautiful girl he's ever seen.

You reached in your bedroom drawer and found a pretty pink vibrator that you've stashed there. You laid down, tracing circles over your panties with the vibrator, letting out little whimpers.

"No fucking way." Ashton mouthed. He couldn't take it anymore. He took his cock out of his pants, bubbling with pre-cum. He felt like a pervert, but this turned him on even more.

Little y/n wasn't as innocent as he thought.

Taking off your panties, your pussy was on full display. Making Ashton´s mouth water.

You pressed the vibrator on your clit while you inserted two fingers inside of yourself, curling them. The shock made your back lift off the mattress, with a moan so loud you were sure your neighbor could hear.

All you wanted was Ashton. You wished his fingers were inside of you, you wished he was fucking you.

Ashton started to rub himself, watching intently. So what if you saw? He thought. His cock was throbbing, he was desperate to be inside you. Every muscle in his body ached for you.

You started to squirm, your clit throbbing with pulsing sensations that made you convulse in bed. While Ashton was shivering. This is the most turned on he´s been ever.

"Fuckfuckfuckfuck." You moaned while you bit your lip, feeling that familiar feeling in your stomach. Ashton started fucking his fist, harder and faster.

"Fuck! Ashton!" You screamed when you came. Putting your hand to your mouth when you realized what you said. At the same time, Ashton came all over his hand, panting hard. His curls were sticking to his forehead.

Did she just say my name? She couldn't have.

-----

In the morning you decided to lounge by the pool, and get some sun. You put on your favorite blue bikini and put your hair in a bun and headed out to the garden.

You opened up the door to your yard, secretly hoping a certain hazel eyed man would stumble in.

Sitting on a lounge chair, looking at your phone you noticed a tall figure looking down at you.

"Fuckin´ hot today, eh?" It was Ashton. A shirtless Ashton. Looking you up and down with no shame. "Good morning Mr. Irwin." You smiled. "You're finally out of the house." You added. "I wanted to see you, darling." He replied. Your mouth turned dry.

"You wanted to see me?" You repeated, making him smile. "Why do you want this old man out of your garden?" He chuckled, making you giggle. "Nah, c´mere." You told him, making a "Come hither" motion with your finger.

Just to think those were the fingers that were inside you last night made him shiver.

You tucked your legs in and motioned for him to sit at the tip of the lounging chair. When he sat, you spread your legs to fit around his thighs.

The only thing separating your pussy from his back was a flimsy piece of fabric.

"So, where are you from?" You asked him. "I´m originally from Australia, but I moved here a few years ago." You nodded. "Why´d you move?" You asked, picking at his sunburnt shoulders. "I think I just wanted to move on with my life, start a new chapter." He looked back at you and smiled. "Fair enough." You smiled back.

"I haven't noticed your tattoos." You said, stroking your hands on his arm. "Yeah got a few of them, love, years of experience." He smiled. "This one's my favorite." You pointed at his snake tattoo on his bicep. "It's one of my favorites too."

"Do you have any more tattoos?" You asked, rubbing both of his thighs. "y/n..." He melted into your touch. "I'm just asking." You grinned, placing a kiss on his neck. "Jesus Christ." He chuckled in between shallow breaths. "Are you sure?" He asked. You muttered an "mhm."

"I´ve seen you eye fucking me, Ashton, when we first met, when I was taking out the trash, right back then..."

He stood up, turned to face you, and sat back down."Dirty girl... When I was in college you weren't even born yet." You shrugged your shoulders, smiling. You could feel a wet patch growing in your bikini bottoms.

"I was touching myself thinking of you last night." You whispered, making him grin. "Me too." He chuckled. "You just looked so pretty yesterday... Your window was open." Your mouth dropped. "You perv!" You smiled. "Hey, you´re the one touching yourself thinking of an old man fucking you." He grinned.

"You looked so cute squirming, bunny." This sent shivers down your spine.

"Please kiss me." You pleaded. He wasted no time. He held your face with his two hands and kissed you, the kiss was fervent, urgent. Your tongues battling between each other, barely giving you space to breathe.

"Do anything you want to me, Ashton." You told him. "Anything?" He asked. "Anything." You smiled. "That´s a very bold claim to make." "I mean it." You smirked.

"Stand up." He ordered, doing the same as you. "You brought this upon yourself." He smiled, as he picked you up and threw you over his shoulder, making you scream and giggle.

He unlocked his front door and carried you inside. You observed three guitars and a huge drumset in his living room, complete with 10 pairs of drumming sticks.

He placed you on the couch that was big enough to fit four people, putting enough force for you to land with an "oomph."

"You look so cute, babygirl." He smiled, making you blush. You decided to make a risky move. "Thank you, daddy." You replied, waiting for his response.

You could see his eyes visibly darken, and his mouth turned into a grin. "Holy fuck, y/n." He smiled. "Want me to be your daddy?" He asked you. You could only mutter an "mhm." Your clit was throbbing, practically begging to be touched.

He trailed a finger through your bikini bottoms, making your whole body shiver. "So wet for me, and I haven't even touched you, bunny." He whispered in your ear. "Please, Ashton." You mewled.

He tugged at the strings of your bikini top and undid them. "You have such perfect tits, princess." He said, while fondling them. Placing his mouth on one and nipping at it, making you whimper. "So sensitive, too." He smiled.

Kneeling in front of you on the couch, he tugged on your bikini bottoms taking them off. You clenched your legs together, by instinct, blushing. "No need to be shy, princess." He smiled, gently pushing your legs apart and peppering little kisses on the inside of your thighs.

"Such a pretty pussy." He cooed. "Fuckin´ perfect."

He kitten licked your clit, making you let out a breathy moan. He looked up at you, waiting for your approval. You nodded and smiled, making him grin.

He grabbed your lower back with his big hands and pulled you closer to his face, making you gasp.

His pupils were blown out with lust. Dipping down to face your sex. Without warning, he dives in and you feel him licking a long strip between your wet folds.

"Fuck! Ashton." You exclaim, grabbing his curls and digging your fingers into his scalp. He winced at the pain, but he definitely enjoyed this.

You grind against his mouth, while his tongue draws circles around your clit. Throwing your head back into the couch, your eyes rolled into the back of your head.

The sensation was almost too much. His eyes never left you, enjoying the sight of you convulsing on the couch. Your pretty moans were like music to his ears.

He licks faster and faster. Groaning inside of you. "I'm getting- I'm getting close." You said in between shallow breaths. He starts sucking on your clit harshly, the sounds were borderline sinful.

You felt a tightness inside your stomach, like a cord waiting to snap. "Don´t stop, please." You mewled.

Your orgasm washes over you, making your whole body shake, clenching your walls around Ashton´s tongue. "Oh my God." You smiled.

Ashton surfaced, his lips were puffy and his mouth was covered in your slick. "Hi." You giggled. "Hi." He repeated, smiling. You covered your face with your hands, and blushed.

"Can I taste you?" You asked. "I-um, fuck yes." He stuttered. "Yeah, you can taste me."

He takes off his shirt and gives it to you. "Here baby, for your knees." You smile and bunch up the soft cotton material on the ground.

You kneel down in front of him, pulling his shorts down and snapping the elastic band of his boxers, finally freeing him. His erection sprang up at you. It was the longest and thickest cock you´ve ever seen.

"See how you make me feel, bunny?" He asked, making you smile. You pumped his shaft a few times to test the waters, making him groan deeply. "Fuck, y/n..." He moaned.

You kitten lick his tip, tasting his salty pre-cum, making Ashton´s whole body shiver.

Sinking down, you took his whole length, gagging. Ashton gently grabbed your hair, holding it to get it out of the way. Bobbing your head up and down, swirling circles around his tip.

"Fu-uck..." He moaned. "You're so perfect." He breathed deeply.

Soon enough, he was moving his hips, increasing his pace while his head was thrown back. "Makin´ me feel so good, sweet girl." He groaned.

He pulled himself out of you, grabbing you by the hair. "I´m not gonna be able to fuck you if we continue this." He chuckled. "Want daddy to fuck you, bunny?" He asked, making you nod. "Please, that's all I want, please." You begged, making him smile darkly.

You both stood up. "C´mere." He said, picking you up bridal style. You were still surprised as to how he could pick you up like you were nothing.

Taking you up a big staircase, you found yourself in a huge master bedroom, complete with another drum set, and vinyls hanging on the walls.

He plopped you down on the bed, a bit more roughly this time.

He looked around, opening a few drawers. "What 's wrong?" You asked. "Shit, I don't have a condom." He muttered. "I'm on the pill." You smiled, making him grin as well. "That's all you needed to say." He replied, taking off his shorts and underwear.

He climbed on top of the bed, hovering over you. "Daddy's gonna make you feel good, sweetheart." He smiled, you watched his eyes darken.

He puts a hand on your throat and pushes his mouth in for a kiss, hard, sloppy, hungry.

"You okay?" He smiles. "Yeah, just please fuck me Ashton." You pleaded. "Atta girl." He responded.

He grabbed your hips and slowly pushed himself inside of you, hissing at the feeling. The initial stretch burned, but slowly but surely you got adjusted to his size.

"Fuck, you´re so tight, bunny." He groaned, starting to pump in and out, guiding your hips, making you arch your back off the mattress, if they could, your eyes could roll into the back of your head.

"Please, faster." You exclaimed. You were lightheaded, becoming cockdrunk, letting out little moans that made Ashton go wild. "Want to ruin you, so nobody but me gets to use this pussy."

"Fuck! Just like that!" You exclaimed, feeling the pulsing wave of pleasure continue to grow inside of you, clenching around his cock. "You're taking me so well baby girl, won't last much longer with you clenching around me like that." He breathed rapidly.

"I'm close, Ashton." You repeated. "Cum for me bunny, let me feel that perfect fucking pussy." Those words were enough to make you cum alone.

You felt a familiar feeling inside your stomach. You felt Ashton´s cock twitch inside of you, meaning he was close as well.

You released yourself, gushing all over his cock, "Mphhhh.." You mewled and he filled you up to the brim with his cum, with a deep groaning sound,almost animalistic. he pulled out of you, letting his cum spill all over the sheets.

"Give me a second." He said, getting up and going to the bathroom, retrieving some wipes to help you clean up, discarding them in a trash can next to his bed.

"Was that okay?" He smiled. "It was perfect, Ashton." You grinned, looking up at him, pulling him into a kiss.

"Jesus, y/n, you´re gonna be the death of me." He curled his lips up into the kiss.

#ashton irwin #5 seconds of summer #5sos smut #ashton irwin smut #ashton irwin fanfic #ashton irwin x reader #calum hood x reader #5 seconds of summer fanfic

[nicksbestie]

can you write where you secretly adopt duke for cal’s birthday? please 🥹🫶

Birthday

(okay so for the sake of this fic Covid-19 started in January of 2020 not March)

word count : 1260

warnings : none!

enjoy!

<3

Calum’s birthday was coming up and you desperately wanted to surprise him with something big, but you had to try and figure out what.

He deserved something huge, and while money wasn’t an issue for the two of you, you still had to pick a reasonable thing to get for a gift. It took you a few hours to come up with something, but eventually you picked one. Calum had been desperate for a dog since you two had moved in together, but since he was always running around and on tour, and you had a busy job as well, having a puppy just wasn’t going to work.

The dog wouldn’t get the attention and care it truly needed, despite whether or not you cared for the dog. But now, you were both at home, due to Covid-19, and nobody was really going anywhere. It was a perfect time to get a new animal, and you weren't the only one who thought so. You had seen Calum’s camera roll, and it was filled with dogs and puppies of all breeds. So, you decided, you were going to get him a puppy. 

It wasn’t going to be easy to keep it a secret from him, but you went to an animal shelter the day before his birthday, and spent so much time with all of the dogs. It wasn’t until you got to the very last one that you felt a strong connection to him. He had been there for five months, and his age was estimated to be about one year old. His name tag on his cage read “Duke”, and when you read his estimated age, you were happy to see that he was a younger dog, which was what you were looking for. 

He was black and white, and very fluffy, and you knew Calum would fall in love with him instantly. So, you went up to the desk to start filling out the adoption papers. When you were talking about which dog you wanted, you learnt that he was already house trained, which was a wonderful thing to hear, because as much as you wanted a dog, you were dreading cleaning up poop from around the house until he was trained. You paid his adoption fee, they put a travel leash on him, and now, you and Calum had a dog. But where was he going to go for the night? You smirked, calling up Ashton, knowing he had a soft spot for Calum. 

“Hello?”

“Hey, Ash! Can I ask you a favor? But you have to keep it a secret.” 

You could pretty much hear him raise an eyebrow before he agreed, humming an affirmative. 

“I got Calum a gift, but I need you to keep it at your place overnight because he can’t see it until tomorrow.” 

Ashton sounded a little hesitant, mostly confused. 

“You can’t wrap it?” 

You laughed, trying to cover it with a cough but miserably failing. 

“No, I can’t.” 

Duke chose this moment to see a squirrel on the side of the road, losing his absolute mind barking, and of course, Ashton heard. 

“Did you get him a dog?!”

You smiled, petting Duke on the head and getting him to hop down from the window. 

“I did. So, can you keep him for the night? He’s already house trained.”

Ashton sighed, but you could hear the smile and knew he was relenting. 

“Yes, bring him over.” 

“Okay, thanks! See you soon.” 

Before getting to Ashton’s house, you stopped to get him a water and food bowl, as well as some dog food. The shelter had given you the brand that they used to feed the dogs, so you picked up a bulk bag of that, making sure he had everything he needed. You also got him a bed, a soft fluffy one. Arriving at Ashton’s, you walked up to the door with Duke, and he sat right outside with his tongue hanging lopsided out of his mouth. As Ashton opened the door, you could see the last of his resolve fade away as he immediately crouched down to pet him, picking him up in his arms and cooing at him. 

You unloaded the things, helping Ashton set it up for the one night, and laughing when Ashton just waved you off, promising you he could handle it. After about an hour, you left, feeling that Duke would be safe and loved for the one night before you brought him home the next morning. 

– 

The next morning, you had woken up before Calum, and had gone to pick up Duke. Ashton was quite reluctant to let him go, but you promised he could come over later to celebrate. He was currently outside, and you were setting up Duke’s things in the living room. His bowls were in the kitchen, but his bed was right next to the couch. You went to wake up Calum, smiling as his eyes opened and he sat up, yawning. 

“Happy birthday!!! I hate to wake you, but I need a little bit of help this morning.” 

You didn’t need any help, you just were incapable of keeping the secret any longer. Calum smiled, even wider when you pressed a soft kiss to his lips, laughing when he tried to pull you back into bed with him. 

“Aww, come on. It’s my birthday, you’re not going to cuddle with me?” 

You grinned, pulling yourself free. 

“Trust me, you’d rather get up.” 

This piqued his curiosity, and he got out of bed, sleepily following you to the kitchen. You acted like you had no idea what was about to happen, smiling as he just followed you around like a lost puppy, pun intended. You had a few gifts wrapped on the table, noticing him eyeing them like a small child. You pressed a kiss to his cheek, moving behind him to fill Duke’s water bowl. Calum hadn’t realized it yet.

“Before you open anything, can you let the dog back inside? I forgot to do it before I came and woke you.” 

Calum was used to dog-sitting for his friends, this phrase being not completely unfamiliar to him, and so it took him about thirty seconds to realize what you just said.

“Yeah- wait. What?!” 

You smiled as he basically sprinted to his sliding porch door, his hands clapping over his mouth when Duke sprinted over to the new human being, his new owner. Calum immediately dropped to the ground to pet him, laughing and smiling as Duke licked all over his face, spinning in excited circles as Calum petted him. Calum picked him up and walked back inside, disregarding the open door as he looked at you in shock. 

“You- you got me a dog?! You got us a dog?!” 

You smiled, pulling out your phone and taking a photo as Calum held the dog up to eye level, setting him on his head and posing in the kitchen, smiling like an absolute fool. You picked Duke up off of Cal’s head, holding him for a selfie with the three of you. 

“He’s ours? Like, forever?” 

You nodded, handing him back to Calum as he set him down and watched him spin from excitement.

“What’s his name?” 

“I got him from the shelter, his name is Duke.” 

If Calum smiled any harder, his jaw might’ve broken. 

“I love him. Best birthday ever.” 

Calum spent the next three hours teaching him tricks, and if Duke ate his body weight in treats, all it showed was that he was loved.

#5sos fic #5 seconds of summer fanfic #5sos fluff #5sos angst #5sos #5sos x reader #5sosfam #calum hood x reader #luke hemmings x reader #boyfriend calum hood #duke hood #calum's dog duke #calum is a dog lover #calum hood fluff #calum hood birthday #asks with aus

[be-ready-when-i-say-go]

Calum flying you out to one of the Europe shows bc he knew you always wanted to visit that country

Hi Blanca! Thanks for the request. We're going with Spain because I'm a nerd and they have the longest break after that show with the 5 seconds of Summer show.

Gender Neutral Reader Insert. Fluff--so much of it.

____________

Requests are now closed. Finishing up the last one from yesterday

Feel free to look through my masterlist for more.

_______________

Calum knows it’s ridiculous, but he does it because you like it this way--a hard copy backup of the flight information in addition to the app on your phone. He could call it overkill, but he’s not going to do that. Because it makes traveling easier for you. So he digs out the stapler from your desk and staples the pages together. 

Calum listens, catching the crackle of your phone from the kitchen. It cuts over the hum of the stove vent. “No, my toes are not food,” you laugh. No doubt it’s Duke at your feet as you cook. You’ve insisted on this break during the tour to spoil Calum. He’s just glad that his outfits are by no means tight fitting so he can enjoy every single thing with which you spoil him. 

Calum shuffles up from the offices to the kitchen. He keeps the itinerary at his side. He knows you may be a little annoyed at first. But he had the number to your boss’s line for a reason. And though this might not be for the reasons that he had it--mostly in case you got sick or godforbid injured--Calum’s sure that once you find out the location of the destination any annoyance you have will disappear.

“Smells good up here,” Calum comments, peering into the kitchen. 

You smile up at him. “It’s your favorite. And I could be a smidge quicker but Duke’s annoyed he’s not being fed right now.”

Calum laughs, knowing the old man is pretty fond of his schedule. Calum’s arrival was a small interruption and Duke will not let himself be ignored. “I’ll get it for him. But in the meantime, you should probably get packing.” Calum’s careful to put the flight itinerary on the fridge out of the way of the hot stove or the mess on the counter that he’s sure is tomato juice from your previous chopping.

“Packing? Why would I be packing?” you ask, giving the pot a good stir. A few more bubbles are popping up and you know soon you’ll need to turn the heat down. 

You spin to catch the paper Calum’s tacked up. The cabinets with Duke’s food squeak open. You’ve put all that you can think of on the hinges and nothing gets rid of the noise entirely. You read over the details--noticing you’re flying on what will be the date of the Lisbon show but going into Madrid instead--directly. 

“Cal, what the absolute hell is this? What am I reading?” you ask, a little concerned that you hadn’t seen this coming. Though, maybe you should’ve. Your boss normally had a standing 1:1 with you on Tuesdays but the one for next week had seemingly disappeared. Your plan was to ask about that on Monday, but this seemed to be the reason why the date was no longer showing up on your calendar.  

Calum presses a kiss on your cheek, arms winding around your waist. “A trip to Spain. Because you said you’ve always wanted to go.”

“Looks like a trip to Milan too? Just flouncing me around everywhere?” You laugh, turning back to look at him as best as you can. You can’t get more than a glimpse but Calum’s laughter is soft over your cheek. 

“I like to spoil you too. Besides, you haven’t taken a vacation outside the one we took what? Two years ago. I know you don’t like to take time off unless necessary, but I think you’d benefit from just a few days ago, baby. You know what they say about all work and no play.”

You snort, tapping at Calum’s stomach with your elbow. He releases you and you spin towards the stove to turn the burner down. “I’m just so used to sort of holding things down while you’re gone, you know? You’re gone for big chunks when you do leave that I just don’t think about myself? Not in a bad way. I don’t blame you. I just do what’s gotta be done.”

“I understand that. Just want you to have some time to enjoy yourself. Get out there, explore the world with me because I know you want to do that too.”

You do want that too. You want to not feel chained to your work and responsibilities, but letting go is hard sometimes. Maybe a surprise trip wouldn’t be all that bad. “Have you planned who’s taking Duke?”

Calum nods. “Yes, they’re free and able to watch him. Plants will be watered too. Got someone who will check the house too.” This is how your brain works. You need a plan, clear and concise of what’s happening. Calum can give you that, so he takes your hips in his hands to get your attention back to him. When you look up at him, he kisses your forehead before continuing, “Car’s will get you from here and one will pick you up at the airport. You’ll be getting to the hotel before us as we’ll be getting in late that night and you’re landing about late afternoon, but the hotel knows we’re in the same room. Duke’s getting picked up the day before. I’ve already emailed over the instructions though it’s not really necessary. Spare key’s already in the box and they have the code should they need to get inside for anything.”

A plan. A good one. You nod. “And what am I supposed to do for the few hours that you���re off in another country playing a show? Hmm? Mister-I’ve-Got-All-This-Planned.”

Calum laughs. “Plan what we’ll do with my days off. Explore. Send me pictures of all the shops you’re doing to drag me.”

Your gaze narrows, a playful smirk lifting your lips. “Goddamn you know me so well.” Stretching upwards, you capture his lips in a kiss. His cheeks squish a little in your grasps. “Thank you for planning this, baby. I appreciate it.”

“With honor,” Calum mumbles. “Your boss was very shocked to get a message from me though and I had to swear like fifteen times you weren’t sick or dead.”

You laugh. “Sounds like Tom. I think he gets freaked out even more so when I take time because it’s usually always super serious. Like the time we had to spend the night in the hospital thanks to my food allergies.”

“Yeah, no, we’re never eating at the restaurant again and I need you to not bring up the night I’ve ever seen you in such rough shape. You looked like a balloon. I was so scared.”

It was not a glorious night. You’d noticed an itchy throat after you ate dinner, but hadn’t thought anything of it as the spring blossoms had also been giving you issues lately. But when you woke up, hot and itchy, you felt something was wrong. You couldn’t halfway swallow and the bathroom lights revealed the hives across your chest and arms. You knew immediately that it was an allergic reaction and woke Calum. His panic was immediate but he calmed down enough to administer your epipen considering you hadn’t been able to do it yourself. 

The drive to the hospital was tense as Calum sped through a couple red lights. But you spent only a few minutes before you got checked in. An hour and a half of steroids and antihistamines rectified the situation but Calum was putting in the submission for the day off and emailing your boss on your behalf the second you got back to the house.

You pat Calum’s chest, before turning back to the dinner you’re preparing. “I know, baby. You didn’t like it and neither did I. I’m a-okay now though.”

“I got your epipen refilled too by the way. Please bring the new one for me?”

“Scouts honor,” you return. “Wouldn’t dream of leaving that thing behind.”

 “Good, good. But this weekend, you’re packing. Because you’re going on a trip. No ifs, no ands, no buts.”

“I’ll pack, no ifs, no ands, no buts,” you laugh, pulling the garlic knots from the oven. They’re a perfect shade of brown and you know they’re done. Calum brings the mats closer so you can set the hot tray down. 

“Oh, these look fucking amazing,” Calum gravels at the sight. “I’m so goddamn lucky to be loved by you.”

“Damn straight you are,” you laugh. 

*********

Your suitcase rolls next to you, catching just a little at the bumpy texture of the sidewalk. The black truck is paused right outside the house and the driver jogs to catch up to you. You only have a carry-on suitcase and a backpack. Though you don’t travel often, you’ve helped Calum pack more than enough times to know the best ways to get tuck, roll, stuff and flatten all your needs into the smallest bag possible. It’s annoying to wait for checked baggage at times and for the few days you’ll be gone, you don’t feel the need to carry too much. 

“I can take that for you,” the driver greets, reaching out for the handle of the carry on. 

“Oh, uh, sure,” you laugh. It’s not heavy at all, but you don’t want to interrupt the kindness. With your case loaded in, you slip into the backseat and the drive passes in light conversation. The sun’s just barely peeking out from the horizon and you’re grateful that it seems to be an easy trip into the airport. 

At your gate, with your shoes still untied, you snap a picture to send to Calum. You anticipate that it’ll go unanswered for a while. But to your surprise, a couple minutes later after you tie up your laces, your phone shakes. Please don’t…trip ;D. See you soon! You hate that you snicker so much at the text. Another text comes in a minute later, Love you too, baby. Can’t wait to explore with you.

Your reply is swift, Love you too. Already plotting something! 

I expect nothing less. 

The flight is uneventful, but a little long. You’re glad for boring though, allowing you to grab a few extra hours of sleep that had been interrupted by the early morning flight. Spotting the car for you is easy--there’s a sign and flowers. Only Calum would ever do such a thing. But you sheepishly close the gap and introduce yourself as the person on the sign. 

The driver smiles, an accent painting their words, but they seem cheerful. “Welcome to Spain! I’ve heard it’s your first time.”

You nod. “If you have any suggestions on things to do, please do tell.”

“Oh, you’re very much in luck; born and raised here.” The drive to the hotel is filled with suggestions and places to check out. They’re suggesting both tourists' needs and spots that only locals are familiar with. Your notes app is littered with names, some misspelled, but you’re beyond grateful to have their perspectives. 

At the front of the hotel, you thank the driver yet again, profusely for the list. “Oh, you’re beyond welcome. Enjoy your trip!”

With your backpack, luggage and the flowers, you juggle your way into the lobby. At the front desk, you’re greeted with a bright smile and you manage to get your keys with ease. The room is cool as you’re already anticipating. The day of travel is catching up and you’re getting hungry. You look to see what’s close around you and decide to set out on foot. It’ll be a nice way to waste a little bit of time. Maybe you can scope out what’s close by to do as well. 

You find a little cafe close by--one actually being one that’s on your list from your driver. It looks cute and quaint with a patio for you to eat on. As you settle down, you snap a picture of your items. Safe and eating some food. Thanks for the flowers <3. 

Throughout the day, as you stumble across various shops and things, you snap a picture and send it to Calum. Your list of things to do with Calum narrows down a little as you realize some things are just for you really. You’ll share what you can with Calum, but you know that he’s going to want to take a much chill approach to the day than you. You’ll do a bit more with the time you do have so that way the time you have with Calum can be about enjoying each other’s company. 

As you wander, a park opens up in front of you. You’re thankful as you settle in a little deeper that you have a strong sense of direction. Perhaps, you’ll just take a minute to sit here, watch some people. It happens to be a beautiful day and you’re grateful for the good weather as you settle down near a fountain to take in the sight unfolding around you.  Most people are just passing through it seems. But you spot some sitting, chatting animatedly. 

God, I’m so jealous. Can we visit again together? Looks beautiful, Calum responds to one of the pictures from the park. 

You’d expect him to be performing at the very least by now, but you’re not entirely sure of the time difference. You’ve snuggle into the sheets, with the TV on in front of you. Definitely we can, you reply. 

As the night continues on, you can hear the streets coming alive. You’re not shocked as you’ve heard the night life goes long and hard in Spain. You’d want to join, but you have the second key to the room and you need to be here when Calum arrives. Also, the long flight today has gotten to you so you’re not sure if you’d have the energy to continue on anyway. But the TV and the laughter below start to blur together as your eyes drop and drop. 

A knock rings out through the room and you snap awake. It takes a moment to unravel yourself from the sheets, but once you do, you scurry over to the door. Through the little peephole you catch Calum’s buzzed head and swing the door open.  “Hi baby,” he smiles.

“Cal, hi,” you return, throwing yourself up into his arms. The hug is warm and tight--a feeling that follows you as you fall asleep that night wrapped in Calum’s embrace. 

The morning is a little slow--a lot of gentle kisses and soft tufts of laughter, but you finally unravel yourselves from the bed to do some light exploring before the car collects the entire group to head to the venue. In the excursions, you try to point out where you went yesterday and where you want to go tomorrow after the show. Calum’s input is relatively minimal and though you make sure he’s not being left out, he just shrugs, “Whatever you want babe.”

“You say that now, but just you wait,” you laugh after a sip of your coffee. “I don’t want a peep come tomorrow then,” you laugh. 

“Scouts honor,” Calum returns. “But, there’s something happening in the evening that the guys want to do.”

“What time?”

“Around 7 or so, I think. Think we’ll make it?”

You nod. “Absolutely, we can.”

Calum grins around his bite of fruit. “Sweet.”

The show goes off without a hitch--the whole day between soundcheck and getting ready for the show also passed with ease too. You’re excited that a few older songs make their way into the setlist, but don’t really take much of your sight off Calum. He bounces around the stage, a smile that hardly leaves his face. The sight makes your chest warm--knowing that he’s enjoying himself. It’s a feeling that you find yourself in often--a sense of calm knowing Calum’s happy with his life, knowing that you’re happy with it too. But you don’t take these moments of clarity for granted, when you get to see just how blessed your life is, you like to do your best to hold them to your chest, pressed into your ribs. 

“I like seeing you happy,” you whisper to Calum that night, straddled over his waist. Your fingers trace the ink decorating his chest. 

“I like seeing you happy too,” he whispers in return. His hands squeeze just a little at your thighs, as if to reassure you of the sentiment. 

That’s all the moment needs, content now to just trace shapes onto his body. Calum seems content too, eyes slotting close at your touch. You imagine all the adrenaline is leaving now. The effort of the shows catching back up with him. Before you can even think about it, the words are falling over your lips in a prayer, “i carry your heart with me(i carry it in/ my heart) i’m never without it(anywhere/ i go you go, my dear).”

In your mind’s eyes, you can see Calum’s handwriting in the margins of the page, an arrow detailed to the lines that are bracketed, us--you’ve seen the world even if you didn’t know it. i’ve never left home, even if i don’t know it. 

You can feel the gaze behind you, as you peer up at the sculpture in front of you. You know it’s Calum behind the cap. The glasses he’s dawned make his face look softer but somehow the lenses seem to magnify his eyes. You can see the blinks, watch his eyes widen when you catch him staring. 

“You’re supposed to be paying attention to the art,” you whisper. 

“I am,” he shrugs. “It’s an added benefit that I can touch the art I’m looking at.” Calum wiggles his eyebrows at you. 

“It’s still going to cost you and I’m not cheap,” you retort. 

“I think I’ll be able to afford the cost.”

“Just don’t misbehave in the cathedral. I do not need the saints to come alive and smite you.”

Calum laughs, taking your hand. “What a way to go am I right?”

“No, sir, you’re very much wrong,” you huff, following him into the next room. Your lunch is spent settled into a park--not the one you showed to Calum in the pictures, but thankfully there’s another good one close to where you two are. 

Under the clear skies, you and Calum work over your servings of patatas bravas. Though it did take a little translation via your phones to make sure none of the items were one you were allergic too. Your pen’s in Calum’s coat pocket, but it’s not a risk the two of you want to take. As you chase some of the sauce so it doesn’t land on your pants, you are tentative in trying to decide if you like it or not. Though with a couple more bites, you decide that it’s a dish you very much enjoy. Though with the basics, you think it would be hard to not love fried potatoes. 

Just as the sky gets a little more pinkish in hue, you and Calum find yourselves in a ride. You rest your head on Calum’s shoulder. “The guys are meeting us there right?” you ask knowing that Calum’s the one coordinating with them. 

“Yep, I think they might be there already. They were just a little closer than us.”

Your hum’s the last sound of the room before you pass thanks to the driver. As you step out you notice something floating up into the sky--yellow and red. “Is-is that a hot air balloon?” you question. 

“M-maybe,” Calum returns. “I was really hoping you wouldn’t notice that.”

“Are you taking me in a fucking hot air balloon?” you gape. It’s not fear though your heart rate does spike at the thought of being so high up in just a basket. 

“Maybe,” Calum answers again. “It’s a yes if you’re not mad.”

You laugh, taking Calum’s hand. “No, not mad. A little nervous, but do you know how cool I’ll be when I go back to work and say I’ve been in a fucking hot air balloon?”

“So cool,” Calum laughs. 

It’s scary at first, as the guide walks through the safety procedures. It’s the entire band plus you in one basket, but you’re all spread out so the weight is a bit more even. Michael let’s out a little shriek it lifts off the ground. “Holy shit,” he laughs. 

Ashton pats his back, but it’s much easier to not look directly down. If you keep your gaze and eyeline straight ahead it’s a little less scary. You don’t feel like you might plummet. Your hand is tight around Calum’s but he doesn’t complain once about the grip. His thumb soothes over the skin on the back of your hand. “Just breathe for me, baby,” he encourages. 

“If our tour manager finds out about this,” Luke laughs from the otherside of the balloon. You know there’s concerns about their safety at the forefront and also worry about the tour. But you can’t help but laugh that Luke’s first concern is about getting caught. 

“Don’t spill the beans then,” you return. 

“Touché,” Luke laughs. 

When your nerves settle, thanks to the steady climb with no issues, you can actually pick out parts of the landscape--the mountains, the city below you. It’s a gorgeous sight and your own awe bubbles up your chest in a round of laughter. “This is so insane,” you whisper to Calum. 

The corner of his eyes crinkle with his smile. “Yeah, it is, isn’t it?”

“Thanks for bringing me along.” 

“Wouldn’t want to share this with anyone else,” Calum returns, pressing a kiss to your cheek. 

As you watch the expanse beneath you, the horizon that is endless, the trees that look like you could pluck them if you reached out, you’re amazed at how big the world is and how small you are in it. Yet, you don’t feel meaningless in all of the vastness. You’re still a piece of the puzzle--small, but not insignificant. You’ve got a place even if it’s just being a good human in all the madness of the world.  Even if it’s just to love and have been loved in the grand scheme of everything. 

“Look,” Calum offers softly, noticing what appears to be deer clustered together. It’s a little hard to tell from the height, but Calum would hazard that to be the animal. 

You laugh when you spot the cluster. “They look so tiny.”

“Yeah, a little bit they do.” Calum watches your pre-occupation, gaze floating around at the earth beneath you. With the tiny distraction, he reaches into his pocket and digs out the little box. His hands tremble just a little. But when you bring hand to your lips, he knows it’s you attempting to bring comfort. 

“Can-can you hold this for me?” Calum ask, holding out the box. 

“Yeah,” you start to answer without really thinking. But when you feel the shape and the soft texture, you look down at what it’s in your hands. This is not what you think it is. It’s not. It can’t be. 

“Holy fuck,” you hear from your side and look to spot Michael with his eyes wide. 

Calum clears his throat. “I know there’s probably a much smoother way to go about it. But I wanted to say that the time I’ve spent with you has been the most amazing. I could never conjure up someone better to spend the rest of my life with.”

Your can’t quite make Calum out with the blur of your tears until you blink and they clear. “Fuck,” you sigh out. 

Calum laughs. “Will you do the honor of letting me carry your heart with mine for the rest of our lives?” 

Time freezes, Calum swears. He waits, and waits, and the seconds feel like hours. He doesn’t think you’re going to say no. You’ve talked about getting married, knowing it’s a thing you both want. You’d even told Calum you wanted something small and intimate, but know that if Calum’s asking it would be okay to find a way to have the guys there as moral support. The conversations about marriage weren’t immediate, but they weren’t about a far off future. It was a tangible goal--though the two of you had mentioned that waiting for a quiet moment with the band would probably be for the best. So, no, Calum’s not scared you’re going to say no. He never anticipated that he’d ever shock you. 

“Scouts’ honor you’re not bullshitting me?” you ask, a small lump raising in your throat. 

“Scouts’ honor I’m not bullshitting you.”

“I’m nonrefundable,” you laugh and capture his lips in a kiss. Calum laughs into the kiss, but knows it’s a yes. When you break away, Calum slips the ring--a gold band with what looks like a rope pattern etched into the metal--onto your ring finger. 

You watch the sun catch the jewelry too--a glint passing over your eye and feel a squeeze in your chest, pressing at your ribs. You reach up and kiss Calum again as the guys erupt into cheers. Even the person conducting the hot air balloon cheers as well. 

When the balloon touches down again, the guys rush you and Calum in a group hug, laughing. “I swear he wasn’t going to do it. I thought he was going to wait for dinner later,” Ashton giggles. “Swear I was going to have to kick him in the ass to do it.”

You laugh, but when you look over to Calum you can see the sort of toll that asking too. You wind your arm around his waist. “Worried?”

“I was so scared I’d drop the ring from the balloon,” Calum admits with a laugh. 

“Oh, that would’ve been awful, but I would’ve still said yes.”

“Oh, you didn’t even say yes,” Calum howls. “You said, ‘I’m nonrefundable.’”

“Basically the same thing,” you laugh. “I mean at least from me, it is. But you didn’t drop the ring. It’s a win-win.”

“Imagine when you go back to work and you tell them about the hot air balloon and a proposal. You’ll be the coolest one in the office for at least three months.”

“Six months,” Michael tosses in.

You nod at the correction. “That part. Thank you, Calum. Couldn’t have asked for a better trip to Spain with my now future husband.”

Calum giggles. “Husband has a nice ring to it, don’t you think?”

“Oh, absolutely it does.”

#calum hood #calum hood fic #calum hood imagine #calum hood blurb #calum hood fanfic #calum hood fluff #calum hood x reader #calum hood x gender neutral reader #5sos #5sos fanfic #5sos fic #5sos imagine #5 seconds of summer fanfic #5 seconds of summer #h writes

[suchalonelysunflower]

Had My Chances (c.h)

Pairing: Calum Hood x Fem! Reader

Requested? Yes, by the lovely @getsojaded

Summary: Based on the One Direction song "loved you first" Calum can't help but feel jealous to see you with another man.

Warnings: Angst! Language, mentions of alcohol, smoking. Some grammatical mistakes (English is not my first language, I'm sorry)

Word count: 4.6K

Author's note: I've finally wrote an angst that broke my heart again, and I'm so happy with it. Remember that REBLOGS are very IMPORTANT AND MEAN A LOT as well as COMMENTS AND INTERACTIONS. PLEASE SUPPORT YOUR WRITERS. Hope you like it and happy reading

My masterlist // taglist on bio!

Calum was choking the hell out of his beer can, leaving the imprints of his fingers as evidence for the poor soul that had to clean this mess up later.

It was an unconscious type of thing - he’s been doing a lot of unconscious things lately, none of them his fault, he would argue - but the intent behind it is nothing innocent.

There was a time when he used to be the life of the party. Or at least a bit more vivid than just standing in a far-off corner glaring at someone who barely paid attention to him. He didn’t mean to glare or to even look in their direction, but it was impossible to take his eyes off them. It was almost as if he wanted to hurt so badly he’d find a way out of heartache. Battle fire with fire and those sorts of things.

“Okay, who are we hatin’?”

He didn’t even need to look to his right to know that Ashton was standing there even before he spoke. His friend - the ever more intuitive when it came to talking about heartbreak or breaking hearts - should already know the answer to his question, and Calum knows he knows. Ashton just wants him to admit it.

Still, Ashton followed his gaze till it landed on the target.

“Cal,” He sighed “You can’t keep doing this to yourself. Nor her, for that matter”

“I’m not doing anything” Calum mumbled into his drink.

“You’re overthinking”

“And you should mind your own business” He spat, leaving the poor, abused can on the shelf behind him.

Calum walked outside, trying to get some air before his hands started roaming through his pockets looking for his pack of cigarettes. He tried to quit it, and many times he tried in vain. There was always something that pulled him into the vice again. Tonight was the selfish need of having the power to hurt himself without people noticing. Something he could regret tomorrow. Something that didn’t involve making the mistake of spilling and saying what he should’ve said years ago.

The lighter provided the only gleam of the outsides that night. As Calum inhaled the toxins of his favorite weapon, he closed his eyes and hoped to wake up and let all of this be a dream. But that wish went away with the smoke he pulled out of his lungs, watching it disappear into the night till it merged with the stars above.

He was not a man used to not getting what he wanted. So is this a gut punch to his ego? Yes, of course. But had he not been in love for some time he’d believe that it’ll come to pass, ignoring the heart-wrenching reality of him not being able to lightly caress your hair with the tip of his fingers; or not care about how his body moved him toward your space every time you were around; or claim that the times you were both in a group laughing, he would stare at you, drinking on your reaction and getting drunk of your laugh, while you stared at someone else.

It was just usual for him not getting what he wanted. But this was beyond any desire of his. This, for a lack of better words, was beyond his reach. And he hated it. He hated every moment of it since the first time he realized it, hoping it’ll go away.

But what could he expect from falling for his best friend?

*

Calum always believed in past lives and how you’re meant to reconnect with people that have meant something important to you. Whether it was in the form of a mother, a father, a pet, a friend, a teacher, a lover… Soulmates will find their way.

He also believed that his brothers were his soulmates. He knows deep in his heart that Luke, Michael, Ashton, and himself were meant to meet in every life, making music and sharing their message across the world for other people to hear. He also believed that his dog, Duke, might’ve come to him as a guide. An old teacher who bound his life to appear in the moments he needed most. He believes that his family would always be his family, maybe in different ways, but they’ll always come together one way or another.

Now, there is one thing Calum isn’t sure of, and that is you.

What were you to him before? Why are you here with him? And why does he feel compelled to be your everything?

When you met years ago, Calum didn’t think much of that first encounter. You were just a friend of a friend, a normal acquaintance. But then you kept meeting each other, whether at a party or a concert. And every time you grew closer. Whether it was the jokes you shared, the similar tastes in music and movies, the way you made each other laugh, or the secret codes you accidentally created. He was just eighteen back then, but he knew it had to mean something.

He just couldn’t figure out what role you played in his life. Not yet, at least.

“I don’t think that because you had a bad experience with milk you become lactose intolerant,” You said casually as you applied your mascara in the mirror.

It was not unusual for Calum to find himself pressing the facetime button to call you every day now, especially given that he was on the other side of the country touring with his band. The calls would mostly consist of him telling you about his day and you doing the same as the two of you would go on with your lives as if you were in the same room together even though you’re miles apart.

The two of you would indulge in conversations that could be as deep as a puddle of water - as the one you’re having now - or as deep as the sea. Never once feeling uncomfortable or falling silent. And even in the quiet types of calls, when you only need to feel each other’s presence after a long day, you would embrace the silence as a comfort rather than an inconvenience.

And Calum loved that. He loved these little moments with you. It didn’t matter if they lasted two minutes or three hours. He just knew that talking to you was one of the top best moments of his day.

He just didn’t understand why yet

“I could be, though” He pouted, watching as you applied blush to your cheeks “And the next time you take me for ice cream I might die and it’ll be your fault for playing it down”

You chuckled “I don’t think that’s how it works, babe”

And there it was, that little, weird feeling that made him all warm and fuzzy inside, triggered by a nickname. Calum quickly swallowed it down, just marking it up as the victory that was to make you laugh.

Still, he changed the subject.

“Why are you getting all dolled up?” He asked. Ignoring the way Luke looked at him for a second before going back to playing subway surfers on his phone.

“I’m going out”

“Where?”

“Dinner I guess, probably dancing afterward” You shrugged, trying to decide on which lipstick would suit best with your outfit.

“Girls' night?”

“No, it’s more like a date, I think. Well, he didn’t actually say “date - date” but I mean, he did everything you do when you ask someone for a date and-” You looked at your phone screen “Are you okay?”

Only then did Calum realize he clenched his jaw. He blinked at you and disguised it with a fake yawn.

“I didn’t know you had a date,” He said, trying to sound uninterested, but Luke’s eyes on him told him he was a bullshit actor.

You didn’t seem to catch it, though.

“I told you I was going out with Jessie”

“I thought you meant Jessica”

“Does it matter?” You asked, cornering him to a wall - metaphorically.

Calum sighed “Nope, just be safe and have fun, alright?”

You rolled your eyes and sarcastically said “Yes, dad” as you applied some gloss. Just in time for the doorbell to ring “Oops, that’s him. Wish me luck!”

And it might’ve been your smile and the way your eyes lit up when the doorbell rang knowing it was Jessie on the other side, or it might’ve been the spoiled milk he had in his coffee earlier. But there was an uneasy, foreign feeling in Calum’s chest as you said goodbye. Almost as if he didn’t want you to go at all.

But that was crazy. It’s probably nothing. So he smiled tightly and said “Bye, Y/N/N” and watched as you faded away before the facetime call ended.

Calum closed his eyes for a moment, frowning upon discovering this sunken feeling in his chest.

However, it didn’t last much as Luke was suddenly blasting “Jessie’s girl” through the hotel room’s speakers. Calum - rightfully so - smacked him with a pillow.

“Shut up” He groaned.

“I didn’t say anything!” Luke laughed

“You were going to!”

“How the fuck should you know?!”

A string of grumbled curses left Calum’s lips as he got up from the bed and went through his suitcase.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m going out with Ash, wanna come?” He said, putting on a clean shirt.

“I didn’t know you were going out” Luke commented as he got up and went to find a shirt as well.

“We are now, c’mon”

To say the other two were surprised by Calum’s sudden need to go partying was an understatement given that Michael already was in his pajamas when the bassist went and knocked on their door, but neither of them was opposed to the idea. Soon, the whole band was dancing and drinking out at a club neither of them knew about one hour ago.

And if Calum was seen dancing and making out with a girl that looked like you, it was no one’s business but his own. And when he woke up next to a said girl a few hours later, no one needed to know.

*

The night was turning warmer, though that could be because of the alcohol and the three cigarettes he had since he came outside. The party was still in full swing but he wanted no part of that. Not when you were there with… him.

It’s stupid and he knows it. To have this unsolved grudge against you and every person you date.

You don’t owe him anything, no explanation or justification for any relationship you had or the one you were currently in. But he can’t help it. It’s just that every time he sees you wrapped around your partner’s arms he just wants to rip them off you and shield you from anyone’s eyes. From the moment he first noticed his feelings toward you it was clear that he couldn’t act on them to not ruin the relationship you two have.

He hates them. Every single one of them, every bloke that broke your heart or made you cry. He hates the ones you fell in love with, the ones that loved you back. The one that’s sitting on the couch next to you with his arms around your shoulder and the one that makes you laugh. He hates him the most and he’s not above showing it.

It’s not healthy but he doesn’t know how to stop.

“Why are you so protective of me?” You asked him once and he didn’t know how to tell you, so he made his heart quiet as his mind gave him a logical reason.

There were so many times when he could’ve fessed up and just tell you as it is. To make him the one that you would share your nights with instead of useless men who are not worthy of you.

Was he worthy of you?

Time for another cigarette.

*

Calum opened the door to find you there with a friendly smile; a pint of ice cream; a skin-care kit; and a bottle of wine. He couldn’t help but laugh as he stepped back so you could enter his house.

“I told you I’m fine,” He said, shaking his head as you made yourself comfortable on his couch, settling all the post-break-up necessities on the table.

“And I believe you,” You shrugged. “But I also know you, Cal. And you say you’re okay now but in a week it’ll all crash down as it always does because you bottle up your feelings. So let’s get them out of the way while we avoid the wreckage”

“I thought you didn’t even like her,” He said, sitting down next to you.

“I never said that!”

Calum gave you a look.

“I just didn’t think you were a good fit… that’s all” You confessed sheepishly.

Calum sighed “Well, you were right”

“I didn’t want to be” You scooted closer to him “I’m sorry, Cal. You truly seemed happy with her. And I liked seeing you happy”

He nodded but didn’t say anything. The break-up happened just a couple of days ago, and you were right when it came to talking about feelings now rather than later. But it was all so very new to him.

“I just- I never had a relationship like this before” He confessed.

“You really liked her, didn’t you?”

And yes, he did. For the first time in years, Calum could actually focus on a relationship. He had met his ex at a party, they talked all night and then he went home with her number saved on his phone. What followed were almost two years of amazing moments and memories filled with love but… something wasn’t right.

It wasn’t something any of them did, it just sort of happened. Blame the routine and the lack of effort from both parties, but they didn’t feel as if the relationship should continue. Yes, he would always feel something for her and would treasure those memories with care. Yet, he can’t say he’s sad and broken.

All his past relationships ended in heartbreak because his partners felt like a third wheel in their own relationships. And they had every right to break up with him. For all he knew, Calum just jumped into those relationships to get over you or to distract himself into loving another person that wasn’t you, all for nothing. Yet this relationship seemed like the real deal, the one that could actually sweep him off his feet and take his mind off of you, truly making him feel alive. And it worked until it didn’t. Until she called things off saying

“I don’t know if it’s me or if it’s you, but this is not working. We haven’t been working for a while now, have we?”

All he could do was agree and let her go. He loved her enough to do that without a fight. Or didn’t love her as he should. And maybe all she wanted was for him to fight for them, guess he let themselves down on that one. But if all these break-ups had something in common, is that you would always be there by his side to cheer him up.

“She deserves someone that can provide her with what she needs,” He said as you both sit with face masks and two glasses of wine filled to the brim “I guess it was not meant to be me”

“I’m sorry, Cal” You gave him a small, apologetic smile, while your hand went to his shoulder and squeezed it. His hand soon fell on top of yours “I’m proud of your decision, though, you and hers. It’s not healthy to be hung up in a relationship that’s just not going anywhere”

“Yeah, I know” He sighed, hiding the small smile that popped up when you didn’t retrieve your hand from his “It’s not like I’m heartbroken or anything, it’s just- I guess I’m just frustrated that we couldn’t make it work. None of my relationships seem to last because of that”

“Well, have you wondered why?” You sat up with interest, turning toward him and moving your hand to his thigh. Something completely innocent on your part, but that still made Calum’s heart beat a little bit faster.

“Of course I have”

“So what is keeping you from going after what you want in a relationship? Is it a previous heartbreak?”

“No… I don’t think I had one of those before” He said like a liar.

He knew that his heart was in perpetual mourning because of you, he was just too proud to admit it. All his past attempts at love were only meant to get over you and forget about the person you were currently hung up with.

Whenever you would tell him about a date or a new partner he’d made sure he’d have another story for you. Some of them made up on the spot, some taking inspiration from one of his friend’s dates, some of them real but without the same, genuine excitement you showed for your love life. A love life that didn’t include him.

Unconsciously, he made it a competition. Did you go on a date? He went on two. Did you kiss someone? He spent the night in another bed. All just so you could give him some type of reaction. Any indication that you were mad or uncomfortable about it. About him dating someone that isn't you. But every time you were supportive, feeling happy for him, and even encouraging him to call girls he didn’t even want to know more than just a one-night stand.

Calum only ever wanted for you to feel like he feels whenever he has to hear about the new guy that brought you flowers; the one that took you on a spontaneous trip to the Grand Canyon; or the one that cooked you a homemade meal for your first date. All the things that were killing him, he hoped you could feel at least a small amount of it. Waiting for you to realize it sooner rather than later.

“What?” You chuckled, nudging him with your elbow “The great Calum Hood never had his heart broken, he just breaks all the hearts along the way”

He laughed, pushing you slightly “Not all the hearts”

“Oh yeah, the other ones are Ashton’s job”

Calum just shook his head, quieting the voice in his head telling him that he didn’t break all the hearts because he was not going to break yours if given the chance to have it.

“Laugh all you want, you little gremlin,” He said

“Aww, Cal, I’m sorry” You pouted “I didn’t mean to upset you. I just really want you to be happy, you know? Find your person and all of that”

“I am happy, Y/N” He stated matter-of-factly “I have the band, the fans, Duke… I have you”

“I know, and I’m also so happy to have you” You smiled, lacing your fingers with his “But I’m talking about “the one”. You know, the one that makes your heart go crazy and the world spin around slower. The one that occupies your mind and every time you think about them you can’t help but smile. Someone that you can actually fall in love with. I’m not talking about marriage or things that we don’t believe in most of the time. But the one that makes the heartbreaks and disappointments all worth it because it led you to them”

Calum stared at you with an unreadable look in his eyes. How could you describe exactly what he was feeling but still have no idea that he has those feelings for you?

It has been a long time since he accepted you as being more than friends, or at least in his heart he knows you could be more. You were just perfect in every way, made just for him. And he loves you, he loves you so much without a hint of fear or doubt. But you just can’t see it.

“Maybe there is someone…” He mumbled, ready to spill his heart out to you on a silver platter.

But before you could register his words, your phone started ringing.

“Shit, wait a second,” You said, grabbing your phone from the table. Calum saw the small smile that formed on your lips before you declined the call “Sorry, what did you say?”

“Y/N, I-” He started again, and once again your phone interrupted him. He sighed “You should get that”

“What?” You asked, already silencing the phone again “No, it’s nothing, I promise”

“Who is it, though?”

“Oh, it’s just Matt”

“Matt?”

“Yeah, I told you about him, remember?” And he wished he didn’t.

You told him you were going on a date with someone called Matt a couple of weeks ago. He didn’t know you were still talking, let alone that you moved on to the “call” phase of the relationship. And now he couldn’t help but notice the gleam in your eyes when you said his name, a gleam that he knew would never be reserved for him.

“I forgot to tell him that he needn’t call me tonight” You sighed, already texting him. Calum could see the disappointment in your eyes.

“You should call him”

“What? No, Cal, I’m here for you and nothing is going to change that”

“I know, and thank you for that,” He said, faking his smile as much as he could “But I know you, and I know you want to call him so go ahead. I don’t mind”

You sighed “Thanks, babe. I’m just going to tell him tonight is off limits, it’ll take five minutes and then I’m all yours”

Oh and how it hurt him hearing you laugh from the kitchen as those five minutes went on. You sounded so happy and full of joy… he couldn’t take that from you now and, plus, would you even believe him?

Matt… what does he have that Calum doesn’t? Apparently, all the necessary to make you come back all giddy and blushing.

And when you sat up next to him and changed the topic back to Calum, his glass was already half empty.

*

“Hey, mate” Calum heard after the door slid open. Ashton soon stood next to him “Ready to go back in there?”

“Would Michael miss me if I don’t sing happy birthday to him?”

“You will break his heart” Ashton chuckled, trying to make him laugh as well but to no avail “You can’t avoid her forever, you know? She’s starting to notice”

“Well about fucking time” Calum spat, throwing the last of his cigarette to the floor.

Ashton sighed “Cal, c’mon… It’s not fair on her”

“It’s not fair to me either! What do you think, Ash? Do you think it’s funny for me to see her with him? To know every fucking detail of her happy life with Matt as if it didn’t kill me inside? It’s been years! Years where I have been so fucking close to telling her how I feel but there’s always him in the middle!”

He wasn’t crying, and he would not cry either. But he stopped hiding the rage he felt as his true feelings came spilling out of his mouth like a fountain of truth. He’d never said any of this out loud but now it seemed impossible to stop it.

“I’m just so fucking tired of seeing her with him. Seeing her kissing him, holding his hand, going on dates… All the things I should be doing with her”

“Cal…”

“No, fuck it! It’s true! It should be me! It always should’ve been me” His voice broke a little in the end “I should be the one in his place. I should’ve told her everything that night years ago, then I could be the one sitting on the couch with her, laughing and sharing those touches she thinks no one sees. But I do. All the fucking time those moments play on a loop inside my head and it’s making me want to scream. She’s the first girl I ever loved, the one that breaks my heart every single day because I keep letting her. She’s the one that’s making me feel like this without her knowing and it’s not fair! I could go in there right now and tell her how I feel but that won’t change a thing! She’ll still choose him! But I loved her first, Ash. I loved her first!”

Suddenly, all the air in his lungs was being crushed as Ashton brought him closer for a bone-wrenching hug.

For the first time that night, Calum relaxed. He let his body fall against Ashton’s frame as he hugged him back, hiding his face in his neck as the high of his confession wore off.

“I know it hurts,” Ashton said, lowly “But you can’t keep doing this to yourself, Cal”

“I know,” He sighed, pulling himself from the hug and patting Ashton’s arms “I don’t want to feel this way but I just can’t- I can’t let her go”

“Then try. You love her, do that for her”

“But what if-”

“If she feels the same and realizes that someday, then she’ll come to you. Don’t keep on waiting for an “if” Cal, you deserve more than that and so does Y/N”

Calum sighed and nodded, shaking his head a minute later from the overload of feelings. It wasn’t normal for him to snap like that, but it has been years since he kept it all in. It was bound to come out sooner or later, but he’d hope for a better outcome.

“Knock-knock!” Someone said behind them “Am I interrupting something?”

The two of them turn around to find you standing at the door, smiling at them as if nothing happened.

Immediately Calum started to panic, fearing that you’d heard everything. He said he hated your boyfriend, that he wishes he’d take his place, that he loved you… And you might’ve heard all of it while he was on a rant.

“H-hey, Y/N! Not at all, what’s up?” Ashton played the calm one, giving Calum time to freak out internally.

You were still smiling at them as you pointed back inside “We’re about to sing happy birthday, didn’t think you wanted to miss out”

You were acting so calm, with a big, kind smile on your face. Maybe you didn’t hear anything and just watched them hug awkwardly for a minute there. Calum could only hope. But then you smiled at him and nudged your head toward the party, and all he could do was breathe out and smile back, calming his nerves a little bit.

The three of you went back inside, quickly surrounding Michael as Luke brought out the cake and you all started to sing.

Calum looked back at you, standing next to Matt and leaning your head on his shoulder as your hands laced together. You looked briefly at your boyfriend and smiled, looking as happy as ever.

“Happy birthday dear Michael…”

And then it happened. For just one moment you looked back at Calum when he was already looking at you and his heart stopped.

You gave him a small, sad smile and shook your head no.

“Happy birthday to you!”

And all his hopes went away with the blow of the candles. * * tags: @iknowyouthinkimbulletproof @mystic-232 @talksoprettyjjx @theshyspy @hoodhoran @hoodharlow @littledrummeraussie @bubblegum183 @irwin-fletcher-ash @wiiildflowerrr @in-a-world-of-fandoms @another-lonely-heart @aabc5sauce @in-superbloom @sadcupofcoffee @personalmuyverypersonal @himbohood @sofiaaraee @irwindoll @weasleytwinscumslut @fairytrice @colourfulcal @nibin0912 @hfkait @savagejane1 @youneedtocalumdown @heyitskelseaj @ashtonsunflower @nicebasscalum @calumspupils @secretsicanthideanymore @alltimesos @wontlastimokwiththat @whywontyoulovemecami @theimpossiblehologramtree @perriexed @abiancajg @rewmuslupin @icelily13 @bookthingz @gracieboogirl @fastandtheformula1 @fckingpernico @multistann @averageantichrist @a-darneddarling @plaidshirtyears @ihavenoideawhattodowithyou @bittersweetb4by @aria-grace-scott @thestarsandtheircoffee @bvbygxrl @luisa180206 @xxxlaura @iamdayanaz @flyingburrito123 @drugerlime

#calum hood #5sos #5 seconds of summer #suchalonelysunflower #calum hood angst #calum hood fan fiction #calum hood imagine #calum hood 5sos #5 seconds of summer calum #calum 5 seconds of summer #5sos calum #one direction #loved you first #5 seconds of summer imagine #5 seconds of summer fanfic #5 seconds of summer fanfiction #5sos fic #5sos fanfic #5sos imagine #Luke hemmings #Ashton Irwin #Michael clifford #calum x reader #calum x you #calum hood fanfiction #calum fic

[hemmohaze]

the one with the wedding

Word Count: 1,558

warnings: smut and mild cursing

January 2020

Bianca looked at herself in the full length mirror the hotel had provided her in the luxurious suite.

Her eldest sister, Katherine was finally getting married today. She's already had her fair share of tears the past week they've been in The Dominican Republic where the wedding was being held.

She turned around and looked at the backless bridesmaid cream dress and cringed a little.

"Espero que minha tia não esteja muito brava com isso." She thought to herself.

She continued to examine her outfit and makeup until she felt a familiar pair of hands on her waist stopping her mid spin.

"You look so beautiful Bianca." Luke's voice softly whispered to her as they stared at their reflections in the mirror.

"You don't look too bad yourself. You clean up nicely." She turned around in his arms and pecked his lips. They've officially got a label on their relationship as of 2 months ago. Even though only their families and his bandmates know.  Everyone else on the internet has been too busy to even notice. They just think they’re really good friends.

Spending New Years and Christmas together was everything to Bianca.

Even though his fans appreciate Bianca for new Luke content she posts whenever she uploads her monthly photo dumps on Instagram.

She invited him to her sister's wedding as a plus one. One to sort of hard launch her relationship and two so her aunts and younger cousins can stop asking her if and when she's going to get a boyfriend and start popping out kids.

"What the fuck are you staring at you weirdo." She asked as he had this dumb struck blank stare on his face.

"What? I can't stare at my sexy girlfriend? Who obviously wants to send me to an early grave." He whined slightly as his hands ran over her chest.

She smirked a little knowing what he was talking about. The dress had weird lines on it whenever she wore a bra so she decided to go braless.

"I dunno what you're talking about." She stated, feigning innocence as she over to the vanity to fix her slick back updo with Luke groaning behind her. 

"Are you sure you're ready for a Brazilian wedding? They go on pretty much all night. You'll also get asked by a lot of cousins and uncles if you're good enough for me. " She hesitatingly asked.

He knew that in her culture it was important for males to be overprotective. Hell, he remembers the first time he met her dad, Gabriel; he flamed him with almost impossible to answer questions.

"If I can handle your dad , I can handle anything." He confidently said.

She got up wordlessly and fixed his crooked tie and straightened out his tuxedo.

"It's now or never."

———————-

Luke and Bianca walked into the makeshift chapel as she greeted everyone from her family to some of the grooms family. The amount of hands shes shaken has her concerned.

Luke found Bianca's mom, Sonia and sat down with her as Bianca stood at the alter with the rest of the bridesmaids. Bianca zoned off for a while somewhere during the vows until she blinked a couple times to see Luke nodding off as her mother rubbed his shoulder affectionally trying to keep the blonde awake.

"B, go." One of the bridesmaids tapped her shoulder. She was too busy looking at Luke to notice it was her turn to leave the chapel.

"Oops my bad." She quickly walked down the aisle, quickly linking her arm with the best man as they made it down the steps to the beachfront where they'd all be taking pictures.

Katherine finally arrived as Bianca ran up to her newly married sister. "Oh my gosh!! You're like married now." She gushed.

"I know right. I'm surprised papi isn't losing his shit right now." Katherine giggled.

The sun was setting creating beautiful pink and orange hues for pictures. Bianca took some with just Katherine, some with her family, some with the wedding party, and of course some with Luke.

Their poses ranged from one with them back to back with finger guns to the classic one where he wrapped his arm around her shoulder and held her close.

————-

After pictures it was finally time for the reception.

Bianca and Luke sat with her family as Luke helped her 6 year old cousin, Maria color in her dog coloring book. All while Bianca talked with her mother.

"So Luke, I heard from Bianca that your band is working on an album right now" Her mother questioned him.

"Yes, we're actually almost done. It should be out sometime in March of this year." He smiled proudly and took a sip of his tequila and continued to color with Maria.

"Oh my sweetie that sounds amazing! You have got to let us know when the official date is." Sonia gushed to him as Bianca raised her eyes from her Feijoada that she was stuffing her face with.

"Bianca. The food isn't going anywhere." Her aunt grimaced at her niece.

"Sorry, I'm just really hungry." She said, quite embarrassed.

Luke and Maria were whispering about something between the two as Bianca looked up.

“Mommy,” Maria tugged on her mom, Ana’s sleeve. “Can I get ice cream now??” She pulled her best puppy eyes.

Ana sighed and looked at Luke. “Could you take her??”

He nodded and got up so he could hold onto her hand and led her to the ice cream machine.

Bianca looked at the two and smiled at Luke being so gentle with her niece.

“He obviously makes you happy darling.” Sonia’s voice interrupted her daydream.

She flinched a little bit. “Ma, we’re just starting in our relationship.” She groaned a little.

“The eyes never lie. Have you seen the way he looks at you or even the way you look at him?”

“Ok ma.” She said as the two arrived back at the table with ice cream.

“I got you some vanilla, since they didn’t have any strawberry.” Luke said as he placed the dessert in front of her face.

————————

Soon enough the reception was over as Luke carried Bianca bridal style to their shared hotel room. Their light giggles from Luke almost dropping her for the 3rd time rang through the hall.

Once they reached the room he sat her down on the floor softly. Once on the ground she went to a beeline to the mirror so she could take the dress off without getting makeup on it. Only thing is, she couldn’t get the zipper off.

She huffed in annoyance and knocked on the bathroom door. He opened the door, revealing him without a shirt.

“Could you unbutton my dress. I don’t wanna get makeup all over it.” She turned her back to him.

He fiddled with the button until he tapped her shoulder. “You’re all good now.”

She let the dress pool around her ankles as she hung it up on the hanger, He turned her around towards him.

“Was your first Brazilian wedding just as you expected?” She asked him.

“It was better than I expected.” He responded.

They stood like this for a while until Luke’s lips crashed against hers. She let out a surprised squeal but melted into his touch. Their kiss was slow and passionate. All they wanted was to be close with one another.

He started kissing down her neck leaving little love-bites that she’ll definitely have to cover up with makeup in the morning.

He hoisted her up and gently laid her on their shared bed. He kissed down every tattoo and birthmark until he squatted down.

He was face to face with her pink lace panties that she got from Victoria’s Secret a couple weeks ago.

“You rip these, you better be looking for a new girlfriend. They were expensive. ” She warned him.

He quirked an eyebrow at her, “You really wanna say that as soon as I’m about to eat you out.”

Bianca rolled her eyes and went to say another remark until she felt his thumb on the outside her panties her and rubbed her clit through it. She let out a soft moan at this action.

“May I?” Luke asked her, toying with the ribbon. She nodded earnestly.

She jutted her hips up so he could slide her panties down her slim legs. He situated himself in front of her glistening core.

“Aw who caused all this lovie?” Luke asked. He continued to kiss her butterfly tattoo on her hip bone until he placed soft kisses on the insides of her thighs.

“You did Lu,” She groaned gripping onto his blond curls tightly.

She let out a gasp of pleasure when Luke finally licked her. Her breathing picked up as she sat up on her elbows to look at Luke, already looking at her through hooded eyes, as he ate her out like it was his last meal. His nose brushing against her clit everytime he shook his head slightly.

It’s probably the hottest thing she’s ever seen in her life.

“That feel good baby?” He asked her huskily.

“Oh my y-yes.” She sobbed in pleasure.

He sticks his longest finger in her dripping heat as she lets out a groan at the action. “Fuck that feels good.”

Bianca felt her orgasm creeping up as she tightly gripped his blonde curls in her hand.

“Oh fuck Luke. I’m gonna cum.” She panted as he curled his finger in her and continued his assault on her clit.

“I know. I know. C’mon lovie.” He encouraged.

Her orgasm hit her like a train. “Luke!” She moaned out, possibly knowing that the people next door could know what they’re doing she just didn’t care in that moment.

Luke chuckled more so to himself as he licked her clean as he knew she was gonna need a minute.

He got up from his knees ignoring the loud crack in his and laid his head on top of Bianca’s chest as she was dozing off.

“Okay that was the best orgasm I’ve ever had.” She whispered before she fell asleep. He chuckled before falling asleep himself.

#luke hemmings #5sos #micheal clifford #calum hood #ashton irwin #micheal 5sos #5sos fanfic #luke hemmings fanfic #5 seconds of summer fanfic #luke hemmings imagine #luke hemmings imagines #luke hemmings smut

[heartache-onthebigscreen]

hi! Could I have a sad Imagine with Ash ?

bleh - afi

an: this was so ... broad. so many possibilities.

pairing: ashton irwin x reader

summary: it's a gloomy day in the ashton/YN household.

warnings: mental health , sadness, angst maybe?

word count: 900

Today was…off.

You had woken up with anxiety, something that rarely happens anymore but for whatever reason, your anxiety woke you up and you’ve been on edge ever since.

You hoped to have the comfort of your love, Ashton, but he wasn’t next to you when you rose, his side of the bed was empty and cold.

Only adding to the anxiety.

Regardless, it seemed that you just didn’t want to get out of bed. Your body felt so heavy and you felt so tired. The effort you would have to put in to get up was simply too much.

You didn’t even have the energy to roll over to grab your phone to see where your boyfriend is.

But you knew he was home, though his little studio in the place was soundproof, you could hear the sounds of him playing his drums, the beat was soft, and it lulled you back to sleep.

When you woke again, Ashton was exiting the attached bathroom to the room with a towel hanging around his waist and water dripping from his hair onto his forehead.

You gather up the energy to blindly reach behind you to grab your phone, the time reads 3PM.

“Oh, shit…” you mutter.

“Hm?” Ashton hums in response as he looks through his dresser for some clothes.

“Didn’t mean to sleep that long,” you let out a pained chuckle.

Ashton doesn’t laugh though, there seems to be something in the air today that just has both of your moods kind of…

The only word that could describe it was “bleh”

You stare at Ashton’s back as he walks around the room, getting dressed, doing a face routine, combing his hair, when you notice that the room is quite darker than normal.

You glance at the window to see a dark sky, the clouds creating an eerie atmosphere.

A rainy day, that was rare.

What was also rare was Ashton barely speaking to you, it threw off your entire mood more than it already was. He’s usually so bright and ready for the day, always talking you up and greeting you with how beautiful you were when you woke up.

But there was silence. No pep in his step, nothing.

Ashton starts toward the door, but his hand rests on the knob as he stares at it with question.

He lets out a grumble and lets go of the knob, he turns around and rids himself of his loose-fitting shirt and his sweatpants. He takes long strides to your shared bed and climbs in under the covers with you. He pulls you into his chest and lets out a long, stressed sigh.

“Everything okay?” You hesitantly ask against his chest.

“No. You okay?” Ashton sighs as he starts to play with the roots of your hair.

“No.” You sigh.

“What’s wrong?” You both ask in unison, which is of course followed by little giggles coming from the both of you.

“I don’t know…” Ashton sighs as his giggles die out, “just one of those days…I feel…I don’t know.”

“Me too,” you run your fingers along Ashton’s cheek, letting them slide across his stubble and around his dimple as you gaze at him.

“Anything specific gotcha upset?” Ashton studies your face as he speaks, noting how your eyes looked slightly dull today.

“Dunno…” you trail off, “just tired. Don’t wanna get up.”

“Could tell, thought you were mad at me when you didn’t come downstairs, but you were just sleeping,” Ashton comments, “wanna just lay here and wallow in our sadness?”

You nod your head and Ashton pulls you closer to him, you guys let your bodies relax and mold into one another’s as you let the hours pass by.

At some point, Ashton had gotten up to open the window to let the cool breeze in, the smell of rain soon rose in the area once it started to storm.

Besides getting up for the bathroom, you hadn’t moved from your place. You didn’t even check your phone, you and Ashton just laid in a comfortable silence as you both rested your bodies and your minds today.

This happened rarely, usually you’re both were extremely peppy and perky on a daily basis, happy to live life to the fullest.

But it seems that your constant light has died out today, and needs some recharging.

And that’s okay, because it’s okay not to be okay.

You and Ashton eventually get out of bed, solely to get the food you had ordered from the front door and eat it.

Once you guys climb back into bed, you both pass out, somehow exhausted from doing absolutely nothing all day.

When the next morning comes, you and Ash wake up at the same time, the sun bright and beaming through the curtains, and your moods significantly better than the previous day.

Smiles are on your faces as you admire each other in the light.

“You okay?” Ashton breaks the silence with his voice, raspy from sleep.

You nod your head and press a kiss to Ashton’s nose, grateful that he was there for you during a rough day, and though not many words were said, his presence was just enough for you to feel better.

“You okay?” You ask Ashton in response, he gives you his dimpled grin you know all too well with shiny eyes.

“Of course, always okay with you.”

#ashton irwin #5 seconds of summer #5sos #ashton irwin fic #ashton irwin fanfic #ashton irwin fanfiction #ashton irwin angst #ashton irwin imagine #ashton irwin imagines #ashton irwin blurb #ashton irwin blurbs #ashton irwin one shot #ashton irwin one shots #ashton irwin x y/n #ashton irwin x reader #ashton irwin x you #5 seconds of summer fic #5 seconds of summer fanfic #5 seconds of summer fanfiction #5 seconds of summer imagine #5 seconds of summer imagines #5 seconds of summer blurb #5 seconds of summer blurbs #5 seconds of summer one shot #5 seconds of summer one shots #5sos fic #5sos fanfic #5sos imagine #5sos imagines #5sos blurb

[ghost-of-you]

catch 22 Masterlist - ch

regular masterlist

Playlist

Read it on ao3

And I never saw you coming.

Yes, we do, but friends don’t.

I know you're saying you don't wanna hurt me, well maybe you should show a little mercy.

Interlude...

Where did the time go? When did you become someone I used to know?

But then what?

I'll take what I can get from you.

If our love is tragedy, why are you my remedy?

You're in the kitchen humming... (Bonus chapter)

#catch22 #im doing it folks #its happening #oh shit #mywriting #calum hood fic #calum hood fanfic #5sos fics #5sos fanfic #5 seconds of summer fanfic #5 seconds of summer fic

[ieroween1031]

There’s a Muke fic that I really like on AO3, and it was a WIP for a long time and it like, hadn’t been updated in over a year so I commented on it back in October complaining that it wasn’t finished because it’s so fucking good and the author basically told me that my comment pushed them to return to the story. I think I’m like, the only person that’s commented on their two newest chapters and at this point, I kinda feel like they’re writing this story just for me, but honestly? I’m totally okay with it because it’s such a good story and if I have to single-handedly keep this ship from sinking, I will do so because I need to know how this ends.

So basically what I’m saying is everyone please go read this and tell the author how good it is and urge them to keep writing because it’s one of my favorite fics and if it gets abandoned for good, I will cry actual tears from my actual eyeballs.

#ieroween1031 og #fanfiction #5sos fanfiction #5sos fanfic #5sos #5 seconds of summer #5 seconds of summer fanfic #5 seconds of summer fanfiction #Muke #Muke fanfic #Michael Clifford #Luke hemmings #also I really hope they’re not on tumblr because if they found this it would be super embarrassing #I don’t think they’re on tumblr #one of the comments said that they weren’t but it’s an old comment so…

[bartxnhood]

need you now | c.h

calum hood x reader

summary: calum wonders if you think about him as much as he thinks about you.

part two to this. but can be read alone

warnings: angst, drinking, smoking, language, but happy ending !

a/n: everyone give my friends in slaysos gc a round of applause for helping create this masterpiece. hope you guys live this as much as i do. also i’m not a party person, literally never been and don’t plan so if i get some things wrong, oh well. this is pure fiction LMAO enjoy !

requests open

not proofread

Copyright © 2022 bartxnhood. All rights reserved. This original work is not allowed to be reposted on any platform in any format.

✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵

“hey, it’s y/n. sorry, i missed your call, leave a message after the beep. bye!”

“hey, uh, it’s me, just been thinking about everything tonight and i don’t know… i just miss you so much. call me when you can. bye.”

calum was a tragedy. every night he would be out partying or at a bar. since the breakup, his addiction to partying had only gotten worse. he couldn’t remember much in the past two months. he had been partying so much, it was killing him. he’d call you when he was blackout drunk some nights, confessing how badly he had messed up and how he regrets everything. other nights, when he isn’t so drunk, he’d still call, apologizing for the drunk calls.

he was spiraling down a deep dark alley, and if he didn’t fix himself now, he’d never see the light again.

he didn’t know he continued to party and drink so much. but, he continued without thinking about the consequences. even if he knew how bad he was under the influence.

some nights were worse than others.

one night it got very out of hand.

it had been hours since the party had started and calum had one too many like he usually does but tonight was different. he was angry. angry at himself for letting you slip from his hands, angry he treated you like gum on the bottom of his shoe when he should’ve treated you like the woman he wanted to spend the rest of his life with.

they were hearing the same sappy story about how he regrets everything. luckily, everyone had left before his breakdown happened.

luke sat with his head hung, rubbing his temples. “calum, you’ve had too much. cmon man. just go to bed and we will clean up. it’s almost five a.m”

“oh fuck off, luke. you try to act like this savior but in reality, you just ruin everyone’s lives.” he belted, throwing the infamous red solo cup at him, and letting the drink spill. “cal, someone is here for you” someone said, standing at the patio door.

his eyes shot up, “is it her? is it y/n?”

“i don’t think so”

his eyes fell, of course, it wasn’t you. you swore off parties and hadn’t attended one since halloween. but when he saw miya appear, rage encapsulated him. “now why in the hell are you here?!”

she looked the same as she did that night they met when miya tried to make a move on him that few parties you didn’t show up to. of course, it hit a nerve. and so, he was yelling at her for even thinking about showing up. “cal, you’re being a bit over dramatic, dont ya think?” he hand trailed over his shoulder blade but he pushed her off. “don’t you touch me. you know what you did.”

it was getting out of hand now, calum was screaming his lungs out at miya while she just stood there, finally luke called the one person he knew who would help. you.

“hey, y/n, i’m sorry it’s so late…well early but calum is drunk, very drunk. can you come to get him? he’s causing a scene.”

“what? oh, jesus christ. yeah, i’ll be there in ten” you shut off your phone, immediately hopping out of bed and finding the closest hoodie and sweatpants then running out of your apartment.

your heart was racing, the drive was a blur. trying to get there as fast as you could to prevent another fight. of course, you still loved him. you were still in love with him, currently. you listen to every message he ever left on your phone.

your inbox was full of them.

you heard every heartfelt confession, every drunk apology, each sober apology.

of course, you still loved him.

you never stopped.

“thank you for coming.” luke swung the door open letting you slip inside, then walked through the trashed house. “he’s back here.” you looked through the patio doors, seeing where he was pointing, and then you spotted him, with her. miya. everything froze in time, luke was no longer there, and everyone else disappeared.

you pushed the door to the side, stepping over crushed cans and cups to his side. “calum?” your voice was small, not sure how he was responding to your sudden appearance if he’d lash out at you or fall silent and walk away.

he picked his head up, eyes locking with yours. calum stops whatever nonsense he was doing, which by context clues, you could guess he was having another drunken tantrum. he stares at you in disbelief, was this happening? are you actually standing in front of him? was he dreaming?

“y/n?”

he says your name and you ask him "cal, what's going on?" and his eyes glaze over a little bit just from hearing the concern in your voice. it was genuine concern, any drunk person could see it. not just him.

he only blinks in response, trying to figure out the situation. he just can't believe you're there at his party after you have sworn them off and it's for HIM. not anywhere else, but his house. he repeats, “y/n” a few times before his arms are wrapped around you and holding you tightly. he couldn’t let you slip away again.

you just let it happen and hug him back saying, "hey i'm here it'll be okay" and trying to calm him down. despite your best efforts, he pulls away looking at you. taking everything in. but you saw everyone staring at the two of you. including miya, who looked like she had a lot to say in the moment. you saw the anger burning in her eyes and hid her chest turned red.

you saw luke who was about to say something, so you put your hand out to stop him shaking your head silently.

you knew calum was feeling bad, so you opted to take him upstairs. “hey why don't we get you upstairs and into bed?" you gently held his arm and that calms him down. he let you lead him inside, away from the party. you stop to talk to one of the boys on your way in explaining you're gonna take him to bed.

“thank you for calling me. i’ll get him situated and come back to help you clean up.”

so you take him upstairs, trying your best to hold him up. calum was mumbling incoherent words as you guided him to the bed. and after doing the usual drunken cleaning up and caring for him like you used to, you took a step back. anxiety consuming your body, and confusion. but, thankful his friends called you.

you’ve read stories in articles about his nonstop parties, and the drunk scenes he made. he was a wreck. but, that’s how he was coping. you, on the other hand, have been the opposite, staying in every night watching sappy movies, crying yourself to sleep most nights, losing an appetite, and making excuses not to see sierra or crystal. isolation was the only way you could cope.

standing at the side of the bed, looking down at calum who was in an out of consciousness you begin to rub the bridge of your nose out of anxiety. your heart was racing, at loss for what to do. calum opens his eyes and sees this and starts getting upset again. he feels guilty that you had to go to another party for him, he rubs his eyes before speaking, “you shouldn’t have come. y’hate parties”. you drop your hands, “i had to. i was worried.” he saw it in your eyes, you were being genuine. “you’re scaring me, cal” by now, tears began pooling in your eyes, you took a breather trying to calm yourself.

knowing he's extremely drunk and emotional, you try to get him to bed without admitting to anything or saying something you don't actually mean. “scaring you?” he breathed, watching as you tossed his shoes to the floor. “yes. you’re killing yourself. im not just gonna sit by a key you do that”. maybe you were being a bit too emotional now, so you looked away trying to get your thoughts in order and finish getting him ready for bed. if he decides to sleep.

once you get him situated you left the room for a bottle of water. he probably wouldn’t notice you were missing. no one was left except luke and ashton, picking up the litter from the party. they all looked up in your direction hoping for any news but you just shook your head and left it at that.

you returned, half opening the bottle and sitting it next to him. calum is kinda staring at you in awe. he says "you’re always the one taking care of me and i never deserved it. you deserved so much better than me." knowing he's extremely drunk and emotional you didn’t let it get to you.

you look down chewing on the inside of your cheek. don’t let him do this to you, y/n. you kept thinking, he was drunk he didn’t mean anything. you stand up to leave, wanting to go home and scream into your pillow because he misses you so much. he reached for your hand, holding it so carefully, and spoke "stay with me.” you freeze, turning your head and you look torn so he adds "please? just tonight." while looking into your eyes and looking desperate.

so, you stayed. laying on the opposite side of calum, you heard his breath steady assuming he was finally going to sleep. until you heard “i love you.” you had only hoped that if you were still he’d leave it alone and would just go to sleep. but he continued. “when i left that morning, i didn’t stop. i never did. you’re my whole world, and i hate the person i’ve become. i wanted to spend the rest of my life with you, but i screwed it up.” your heart was racing, picking at your nails you felt him shuffle next to you. “you were the best thing i’ve ever had and i let you go. ‘m sorry. you can hate me. i understand.” you waited a bit, but that was the last thing he said for the night.

you end up leaving before he wakes up, it was breaking daylight by now and you didn’t want to be there when he woke up. before leaving, you stood above him he looks so peaceful. naturally, you bent down and pressed the softest kiss on his forehead then exited the room. so, by eight a.m you were gone. on the way home, you have a small breakdown realizing the love was still there, and seeing him so vulnerable made your heart ache. but, you kept reminding yourself he was drunk. he probably didn’t even mean half the words he said.

later in the day, you had just finished your meeting now standing in your kitchen fixing a cup of coffee, until you were interrupted by a rhythmic knock. you sat the cup on your counter and walked over. but when you opened the door, calum was the last person you were expecting. “hey.” he said, stuffing his hands into his jacket. you stepped back, then saying “why are you here?” calum looked around. you hadn’t changed anything since he left. he didn’t know why you would change anything, but he expected at least something out of place. he shrugged, “i just wanted to thank you for last night, and everything.” you sighed, “come in” you stepped to the side and let him enter, then closed the door behind him. “do you want some coffee?” he sat down on the sofa, where the last fight happened. ouch.

“sure.” he answered, looking around the room. you came back with a black mug and handed it to him, and took your seat across from him.

his comment was abrupt. “i meant what i said, you know.” you looked up from your coffee, to meet with his eyes already looking at you. “what?” you blinked, placing the mug on the table. “last night. everything, i meant it. from me still loving you, to wanting ti spend the rest of my life with you. i meant every word.” he was being sincere, he held eye contact as he spoke and didn’t break it once. truthfully, you didn’t know what to say. the situation wasn’t ideal, and to be honest with yourself you knew you still loved him. “calum..” you finally spoke, followed by a long sigh and dropping your head into your hands.

“then why do you continue to do this? you’re drinking yourself to death, cal. how can i trust that you won’t do it all over again, even if i want to work this out?” calum contemplates, he sits back on the sofa searching for the right words. "i get drunk to forget the color of your eyes and the way your hair falls and how soft your skin is and the way your smile makes me feel; but it seems like the alcohol can't change my memory of you." he sets his mug down before saying, “i do it because it’s the only way i know how to cope and i know it isn’t the best way, but it’s all i know.” you crossed your arms, chewing on your lip. “and if that isn’t enough just tell me, and i’ll leave for good and you can go back to hating me.”

“i don’t hate you, calum. i was hurt. i could never hate you. not after everything we’ve been through” you rebutted. his eyes lit up. “you don’t hate me?” “no, i don’t. i could never hate you, cal” you saw him carefully reach for you hand and you let him. “y/n, i promise i’ll never do that again. i love you more than you’ll know. so please, just one more try?”

four months, three days, one hour.

that’s approximately how long it’s been since the wedding. since the day you both said ‘i do’ .

one year, four weeks, two days.

since he was at your doorstep apologizing for everything he had ever done to you.

you give him another chance, and it was the best thing you’ve done. he promised to love and cherish you forever. and he did exactly that.

the patio was decorated with fairy lights, faint music coming from inside and the two of you dancing to the music. he was humming quietly to the song, which was your first dance at the reception. “you know what?” he said to you.

“what?”

his hand on your back held you tighter. “you’re my favorite person, y/n.” he felt you chuckled softly, pulling your head from his chest. “yeah?” he nodded, “yeah.” he kissed your forehead.

“i’ll love you forever, even when i can’t.”

#calum x reader #calum hood x reader #calum hood angst #calum hood fluff #calum hood blurbs #calum hood imagine #calum hood 5sos #calum hood fanfic #calum 5sos #5 second of summer imagines #5sos smut #5sos imagine #5sos fan fiction #5 seconds of summer fanfic #5sos fanfic #5sos x reader #5sos angst #5sos fluff #5 seconds of summer x reader #5 seconds of summer

[calumsrockstar]

Puppy - Luke Hemmings

Contents: Smut, collars, puppy play, pegging, swearing, oral (f recieving), handjobs

THIS IS INSPIRED BY @daydadahlias, in their doggystyle fic. Please read it.

Word count: 1.1k

Where you and Luke go on a shopping trip to get a collar for your dog, but it takes an unexpected turn.

Sub!Luke x Dom!Reader

You were working on your computer, laying on the couch when you heard the door open and a familiar pattering of paws slapping against the hardwood floor. You adjusted your shirt and looked up.

"Tunia!" You screamed. It was yours and Luke´s new dog Petunia, she was perfect, the sweetest bulldog ever, she jumped on the couch with you. Not long after, Luke came up behind her, jumping on the couch with you.

"Hi baby, how was the walk?" You asked him. "It was okay, but somebody came complaining saying I had to get a collar for her, and a leash." He told you, while rolling his eyes.

"They´re not wrong, Luke." You smiled. "She could get hurt, running around free."

He frowned. "But she´s like a bird, she needs to run free!" He said, patting her head and you started giggling.

You both got up from the couch and you hugged Luke from the back. "Let´s go get that collar today, we don´t have much to do anyways baby." You told him, squishing your face on his side. "Okay fine." He said reluctantly, batting his eyelashes.

You both walked through the mall, holding hands, and saw a Spencer´s. "Can we go and look through? Please? Then we´ll go to the pet store." Luke looked down at you, with puppy dog eyes.

"Fine, only because you asked nicely." You told him, while he blushed.

He dragged you to the back, looking at what interesting objects you could find.

"That´s weird, they have a dog collar section at Spencer´s." Luke observerd, skimming his long fingers through them.

"Baby, I don´t think those collars are made for dogs." You told him and started laughing.

He looked at you and started blushing. "Oh, I get it now."

Jokingly, he brought the collar up to his neck and teased. "I think I would make a great puppy, don´t you think?" Batting his eyelashes and looking up.

You froze, picturing him actually wearing the collar. Not only that, you were picturing him naked with it.

"I think we should get it." You told him, he laughed.

"I´m serious, Luke. Wouldn´t you wanna be my puppy? For me to leash you and for me to call you mine?" He started blushing. "I would like that yeah." He said in a soft voice.

You smiled. "I couldn´t hear you, say it louder, baby." You whispered in his ear. "I want to be your puppy, y/n." He said louder. You could see his erection growing in his jeans.

"Good boy." You stood on your tippy toes and ruffled his hair. "You´re gonna be a good puppy and wait til´we get home m´kay?" You told him.

He whined. "Don´t worry baby, you´ll get what you want." You told him. He nodded his head to signal an okay.

You both got home, and as soon as you closed the door you started kissing Luke passionately, taking off his plain black shirt, and feeling his whole body. His skin surprisingly soft.

Going to the bedroom, you told Luke to sit in bed while you opened the collar out of it´s package. Luke watched with his eyes wide open.

"You´re gonna look so pretty with your new collar baby." You told him. He smiled "I hope so." He answered.

You walked up to him and clasped the collar on his neck. "Tighter." He whispered. "What was that?" You asked. "I want it tighter." He replied, you grinned.

"Such a fucking slut." You laughed, making him blush.

You fastened the collar tighter. "You okay?" You asked him, putting your fingers through his hair. "I´m okay." He smiled, looking up at you.

His erection was getting painful, and you could see that. He was squirming in his jeans, practically begging for you to touch him.

Just the sight of your 6'3 boyfriend sitting under you wearing a collar made you soaking wet.

You took off all of your clothes, including your underwear. Luke was looking at you with his mouth open. He tried touching your stomach. You clicked your toungue. "tsk, tsk, I didn´t say you could touch me did I?" Luke signaled a no with his head. "You´re just so pretty." He replied.

"Take off your pants and lay down." You told him. Luke did what he was told, with the biggest grin on his face.

"You look so pretty baby." You said while stroking his face. You started palming his dick, up and down. His moans sounded angelic, almost pornographic.

"You feel good Lu?" He bit his lip and motioned a quick nod. "I want to hear you say it." You said, while being on top of him. "Feels so fucking good." He said in between deep breaths.

"Wanna taste you." He whispered. "I couldn't hear you, what was that?" You asked him, smirking. "I want to eat you out." He said more clearly now. "Such a good boy." You whispered in his ear.

It was your turn to lay down on your back, Luke laid down in front of you, and pulled you towards his mouth. "Easy there..." You giggled.

He started lapping at your soaking cunt. You grabbed his hair, contorting your body. Luke resurfaced. "You taste so fucking good, y/n." He said while licking his lips, then continued swirling his toungue on your clit.

You felt a familiar feeling in your stomach, and pushed your pussy further down. "Luke, I'm gonna cum." You exclaimed, and he didn't stop. You finally released yourself all over his toungue.

He got up and looked at you. He looked so pretty with your fluids all over him.

"Since you've been such a good boy, you can choose a toy." You told him, pointing to the drawer next to the bed. His eyes lit up and he smiled. "Go on." You reassured him.

He stood up, opened the drawer, and pointed to a pink strap-on, blushing. You raised an eyebrow and smiled. "Get on all fours, ass up." You demanded.

He did what he was told, and you got up on the bed, on your knees and strapped up. Pre cum was dripping on the sheets "You´re so desperate for me, huh Lu?" You giggled. "Yes, y/n, please fuck me." He whined.

You inserted yourself inside of him. Luke had his arms laid on the bed and gripped the sheets, gasping at the sensation of suddenly being full. "Fuck!" He screamed out.

You smiled and placed your hands on his back, grabbing onto him and pushing in and out. "Please, harder!" He begged. You picked up the pace, hitting his prostate.

"y/n i´m gonna..." Without warning he blew his load all over the white sheets, panting and sweating, making you smile. You pulled out, and unclasped the strap-on.

"Stay there, i´m gonna clean up for you." You said. You rushed to the bathroom to pick up some paper towels, and cleaned up the mess.

"You did so good, Lu." You praised him, while cupping his face with your hands. "I love you, y/n." He smiled. "I love you too baby." You replied.

"We totally forgot to get the collar for Petunia..." You both laughed.

#5 seconds of summer #5sos smut #luke hemmings #luke hemmings x reader #luke hemmings smut #5 seconds of summer fanfic #luke hemmings fanfic

[nicksbestie]

I had a brilliant idea for cal the other day but I wasn't sure if I wanted to ask but since you said you needed more cal reqs I got you !!

cal writes a song he's super excited about but nervous to share w the guys so he shares it with you and you encourage him to bring it to the guys bc obviously it's amazing

Moodswings

word count : 1102

warnings : mentions of anxiety

enjoy!

<3

Songwriting is hard.

Writing the song itself is already a challenge, and it only gets harder when you have to gain the approval of other people before you can release it, and then you have the stress and pressure of wondering if other people will like it enough to listen to it, and promote it. It’s a long process that’s incredibly difficult on your mind, especially if you’re writing something vulnerable. And when you’re working with a band and other producers, that’s at least three approving opinions you have to gain. So, it’s pretty nerve wracking to present an idea. 

These were the thoughts going through Calum’s mind as he stared down at the paper he’d been scribbling on for the past few hours, trying to put something together that he would like. All of the other guys had already worked on something amazing, Luke had written one of their singles, “Take My Hand”, Michael had come up with a gut wrenchingly sad but beautiful melody for “Emotions”, and Ashton was in the process of working on “Tears!”. Calum felt like he had to come up with something to match their level of intelligence, and for the first time in a while, he was doubting his lyrical ability. 

Of course, nobody else in the room doubted him. They all knew that Calum had a wonderful mind, and whatever he wanted to produce, it would be great. But they also knew that he got into his own head, way too much sometimes, and it caused a lot of that creative process to grind its gears and get stuck for a while until it came back. And that could last hours, days, weeks, or months for him. They weren’t on a time crunch with this album, but they could tell that Calum felt pressured to push something out at the same speed that they were, and neither of them wanted that to happen. If he pushed himself to get something out quickly, the quality of it wouldn’t be where he wanted it to be, and he wouldn’t be happy with it overall. 

The studio session felt successful for everyone, except Cal. He felt that everyone else had been productive, but he hadn’t. He had helped write on some of the other songs, but nothing really big on his own, and that felt like a major setback for him. Everyone walked out of the studio feeling great except for him, but he attempted to not let it show. However, when he got home to you, he dropped the facade and just wallowed in his feelings for a bit. You weren’t an idiot, walking over to sit next to him on the couch, gently hugging him but not pushing him to talk. 

“If you want to talk about it, I’m here. If not, I’m still here. I love you, and whatever it is, will be okay.”

He softly smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes. You could tell it was forced, and softly frowned until he relaxed the mask. He sighed, seeing that you didn’t believe him. Of course, he didn’t expect you to, knowing that you knew him too well, but he gave it a feeble shot anyways. 

“I just feel disappointed in myself.” 

You had a gentle look of sympathy on your face, understanding the feeling all too well.

“Why’s that?” 

He lifted and dropped his shoulders, another sigh escaping his lips as he leaned more into your touch. 

“Everyone else got so much done today, amazing lyrics, really. And I couldn’t get anything good down except a few stanzas. Nothing good enough to present to the rest of them. Nowhere close.”

You hummed, having been with Calum long enough to know the double meaning behind his words. 

“You couldn't get anything done that you liked? Or anything done that you thought everyone else would like? There’s a difference, love.” 

He glared at you, but there was no heat behind it. He knew you’d see straight through his words, understanding and reading between the lines. He knew he’d been caught, but he still acted like he had to think about it before replying. 

“Nothing that I thought everyone else would like. I liked it, though.” 

You smiled, a soft laugh, no cruelty in it, echoing through the room. 

“That’s what I thought, babe. You do this a lot, you psych yourself out, and your lyrical ability is amazing. You believe so lowly in yourself, and I can’t believe it sometimes, because you are so talented. Would you like to show me what you have written?” 

He had a gentle look on his face, not a smile, but not a grimace. He knew it was entirely his choice to show you, you’d never pressure him, and he did want to share it, he was just nervous. So, he pushed those feelings down, and pulled up a photograph of the paper he’d written. You zoomed in, reading the first paragraph words written in Cal’s handwriting. 

I can tell by the look in your eyes

That you don't wanna fight on a Friday night

Livin' my life, lookin' from the outside

I hope you don't mind that I ruined our time

I can tell by the look in your eyes

That you just wanna get on a one-way flight

'Cause you don't ever trust this mind of mine

You're watchin' me lie when I say that I'm fine

Without you

I don't even know myself (Know myself)

Through bloodshot eyes, the sky is fallin'

And I just wanna fuckin' push you away, away (Push you away)

Without you

You looked up at Calum, stopping after the second paragraph, the chorus. He was watching you with nervous eyes. 

“Babe, this is amazing. I see no reason that anyone would ever say this isn’t good. You should absolutely show this to the guys if you love it, okay? I fully believe they’ll love it too.” 

His eyes were showing hope, but his face looked like he didn’t want to believe you. 

“Are you sure?” 

“Yes.” 

You were sure, and Calum trusted you with his whole heart. The next studio day, he took your advice, having added another verse, and let the rest of the band see what he’d come up with. And just like you’d said, they loved it. Luke helped him write the bridge, and Ashton tweaked a few things, but Calum got the majority of the writing credits, and it was automatically decided to be on the album bonus tracks, track number fifteen. Everyone was so proud of his writing, and he, finally, believed it as well.

#5sos fluff #5sos fic #5sos angst #5sos #5sos x reader #5sosfam #calum hood x reader #calum hood fanfic #calum hood #calum hood boyfriend #calum hood 5sos #calum hood 5 seconds of summer #calum hood request #calum hood ask #asks with aus #calum hood angst #calum hood fluff #calum hood fic #5 seconds of summer fic #5 seconds of summer fanfic #5sos fanfic

[be-ready-when-i-say-go]

Sweet Dreams--Part 11

Calum and you have dance around reality for a few months now. But after Calum leaves and returns from a trip, the reality has to be confronted. 

Weeks are passing and maybe more is blooming between you and Calum than might meet the eye.

Prince!Calum x Reader Insert.

Series Masterlist

Complete Masterlist

Melvin, reads the contact name. The 11 digits that follow stare back at you from the contact record of your phone. There’s never once been a text thread. His name wouldn’t come out on your phone outside of the contact in a search. But you had your distraction. You had your time to wallow and time to let pity make a fool of you. You can’t stay there. You refuse to stay there. So you tap the phone icon. It rings and rings. It might be a bad time, you realize now, as there’s no guarantee that Melvin will answer at ten in the morning. But that doesn’t matter much now. 

Melvin answers the phone breathlessly. Your name tumbling from his lips in a rush. There’s concern in your name that paints his voice as he asks, “Is everything okay?” 

“I’m calling to ask you that, actually,” you answer. The words nearly don’t leave your throat. He’d always been the easier of the two to interact with. He cared--you saw that with Teagan and Charlie. He seemed genuinely interested in your life when you spoke of it. But you didn’t think the care or the concern he had for your siblings would make him worry about you. Maybe now you’re even afraid of what that means. 

“What-what are you referring to? Did something happen?”

You can’t get off track here. You’re calling about Diana. You’re calling to fact check the conversation from last week and to make sure they’re not drinking again. “Do Charlie and Teagan have new winter coats?”

“Uh, yes, they do. Diana and I--we got them nearly a week ago. There’s no guarantee now either that they don’t have another growth spurt, but we’re hopeful these coats will last the season and into the next.”

The more you talk with Melvin the more you realize Charlie got the gift of talking from him. At least Diana hadn’t been lying about the coats. But the bitter bite of her words rings back against your ears. “Diana called me last week,” you start. It’s  the safest way to start. 

The line crackles and you hear the sigh from Melvin. Something shuts--you hear the creak of hinges in the background. “I was worried when I saw the two ignored calls from you on her phone that something might’ve happened.”

“Is she drinking? Are you?”

“I’m not, no. God, no,” Melvin returns. His offense is palpable. He sounds as if the thought disgusts him. 

“And what about Diana?” 

A pause. Moments are passing by, the clock in your room ticking loudly as you listen to Melvin breathe. He better say no. He better answer with the same disgust. But the longer the two of you stay in silence, the more dread leadens in your gut. “I’m trying to get her some extra support,” he answers slowly. Like he might even be unsure of the words himself. 

Not an outright denial but not an outright confession either. “Could it be vodka this time that gets her to her senses?” It’s a vile question to ask. But it falls and behind it comes more vitriol. That old wound, exposed again to the elements. “Could she go zero for three with her kids?”

“Enough,” Melvin commands. It falls clipped but tired. “We didn’t do right by you and we know that. We live with it every single day.  We failed you in ways no child should’ve ever been failed by a parent. But it is not easy to watch from the sidelines now. And I don’t want to make it your responsibility to let us back in after what we’ve done,  but please, do not mock us. The closer you get to Charlie and Teagan, the more hope grows in your mother. And the more you shut her down, the more she crumbles. It’s not your fault. She’s got to get better, face the consequences of her actions like we all must do. But she is human.” 

“A terrible condition to be human, I’ve heard.” Your chest aches. It certainly still feels like your responsibility; it still certainly feels like that wound will never close up right. You still wish to every god that you could’ve had what Charlie and Teagan had. Wish you could move the stone of anger off your chest when it comes to Diana and Melvin. But you cried for them. You begged for them and it wasn’t enough. It just wasn’t enough. 

“Just, please give her grace. I’ll get her help. I will.” 

“Grace is Charlie and Teagan. You can give her grace.” 

“And what about you? Is there satisfaction in wrath?”

“Wrath is rather hollow.” You don’t know what you have anymore. There is something between contempt and regret filling you. Yet, you are tired of both of them. You’re tired of the wheel you feel stuck on. You’ve got to let it go. It’ll kill you if you don’t. 

“We hurt you. I know that. It was easy at first to keep our distance. It gets harder now—sometimes. She just needs some extra help.” 

“Then you get her help. But I don’t like knowing she’s on a spiral in the same house as Charlie and Teagan. They don’t deserve that pain. I will do whatever possible so they are not subjected to the same thing I was.” 

“As you should,” Melvin agrees. “As you should. I’ve been worried about disrupting Charlie and Teagan’s routine too much. I don’t think the kids are catching on.”

You have to tread lightly. You can’t tell him that Teagan’s caught on, as unknowingly as she is about what she's stumbled upon. But you can warn him. “Children are more perceptive than you give them credit for. You can hope. But that’s not the same as the reality.”

“Was it Teagan? What did she hear?”

“I hope Diana’s kept up with bedtime stories.”

“Fuck,” Melvin whispers. You’d never be able not to answer his question. He’d hear what you’re saying between the lines. “I can’t lose them too.” It’s soft as Melvin says it, thick with emotions you can’t see, but can hear. A true terror shakes his voice. 

Here you think is where you might reassure Melvin. That he won’t lose them. But you can’t promise that. You’d possibly be the hand that orchestrates it. You remain silent. 

Melvin fills in the gap of silence in a flurry of panicked words. “There’s a birthday party this weekend and then a field trip next week. Please give me some time. You have every right to save them from the fate that fell you. But they’re just kids. They’ll only see what they lost out on. Give-give me just a little bit more time. If things are getting out of hand, let’s arrange something then. Okay? Just give me a few more weeks to get through to Diana.”

You only remember what you lost out on too. The dances you never attended, the nights spent hoping that your parents' breath didn’t reek in the morning. Praying you had just a little bit more attention so you could ask them about field trips, tell them about the things you were learning about in school. All you wanted was a crumb of attention, more than just the plate of food at dinner. You wished you could’ve told them about the crushes, the dreams you had--that maybe one day you’d been a veterinarian as all children hope to become. Maybe even then you could’ve told them how much you wanted to paint too. 

You don’t know what’s more important, to save Charlie and Teagan from a potential fate or let them live their lives as children knowing what looms for them if Melvin is not successful. But they are just kids. They might hate you either way--if you pull them now, if you save them later. They’re just children. You don’t expect them to understand it all right now. 

“You’ve got until of November.” October’s nearing its end in another week and a half. “But if I get wind of anything that even smells like Diana’s losing her grip, I’m taking them.”

“That’s only--”

“I know. And Christmas will be right behind that. But I’d rather they hate me for ruining Christmas than letting their lives be at further risk.” Doing good might mean at times having to be the villain. A spark never knows it’s going to start a wildfire, but you’re wiser than that ember. You know the damage that could be done. You know the damage you will do as well. 

“End of November,” Melvin agrees. “I’ll, uh, we’ll have to come up with a contingency plan. I don’t know where you’re living these days. But I don’t want to pull them out of school.”

“We’ll figure something out,” you agree. Your hours at work will allow you to drop them off in the morning. But you’ll need help in picking them up in the afternoon.  You wonder if Calum would be okay to do it. Though you don’t want to interrupt or commandeer his schedule either, you’ll still ask him. It’ll take a village to help now. You’ll need to figure out where they’ll stay. You have no qualms with them taking over your bedroom in the place you’re staying. But it couldn’t be a long standing agreement. You’d need to move and give them their own bedroom at the very least. You don’t have a lot saved, but you could afford a two bedroom apartment on your own now. The first few months would be tight, but it’d be doable now. 

“Thank you,” Melvin nearly whispers. “I see how much you care for them.” The weight rounds your shoulders at his words. Is this what it means to be recognized—quiet and weighty recognition that feels like relief and lead? 

Beyond a sense of duty, you only want for them what you didn’t get. Teagan and Charlie are getting everything you wanted. Watching out for them is everything you needed. They’re children who do not deserve to be punished for what was between your parents and you. 

“It’s what they deserve,” you return. Melvin let’s you go and you blink up at the ceiling, swirling in your vision. You want them to be safe. You need it. But you still feel the whisper of Melvin’s gratitude. How it feels like thick humidity on your skin in the middle of summer. Your skin is hot and the tears caress your cheeks as they descend to your chin. As stupid as the thought feels,, you hope Melvin can find it in himself to be proud of you no matter what you wind up having to do. 

_____________________

It’s bright--the windows to the right bring in streaks of sunlight and though Calum sometimes wishes he’d opted for a slightly lighter brown, there’s few clouds today which makes the shed feel lighter. The clear skies make the deepening chill tolerable. Your slippers rest on the floor right under the easel you sit in front of. Your socked feet tapping lightly against the metal bar on the stool you perch up on. The stroke of your brush scratches against the canvas--a deep red cutting through the top left corner. 

Calum’s sure that even with your apron on the sleeves to his black and white striped long sleeved shirt will be stained forever. Not that he minds. He’d prefer to carry that little piece of you in the threads. He’ll be able to say that it’s your work if anyone asks about the stain. He’s supposed to be doing preliminary comments on this briefing. It’ll become part of the address he gives at the charity event in December, but given the magnetitude of the event it’s best to get started on these things earlier rather than later. Yet, he has no interest in the words on the document in front of him. He’d rather watch you as you gather more paint onto your brush. You stroke once, twice, and then reach for something else in the glass jar which holds other brushes and tools. 

From this angle, Calum watches the twist of your lips, fingers fluttering over the jar. Debating, he concludes--you’re debating which tool to go for next. The bottom right part of the canvas is still blank. He traces the faint line you’ve etched into the white fibers. You’ve told him that you plan to include pages from several print media types--books, pamphlets, and missing posters-- layered and attached to the canvas. You don’t want to add those yet until all the painting is done and can cry before you glue them up there to keep bleeding minimal. 

A knock sounds from the door and Calum turns to see his mum at the door, thanks to the addition of the glass cutouts in the door frame. He waves her in and she only opens the door just far enough for her head to poke through. “I don’t want to interrupt,” she starts. “Just wanted to say hi.”

“Hi, Mum. You’re not interrupting. They’ve got headphones in and I’m not really doing anything much myself,” Calum laughs. 

She laughs, sliding in through the crack. “So only one of you is being productive. But that’s alright. Rest, too, is important.”

“Something like that.”

His mother nods and shuffles softly over to you. You turn at the touch on your shoulder, slipping your headphones down off your ears. “Hi, Joy,” you laugh. 

The embrace is tight, even Calum can see how tightly his mother winds you into the one armed embrace. “The painting looks good, sweetheart. It’s coming together nicely,” Joy comments. 

“Thanks, I’m trying over here.”

“You’re succeeding. How was the feedback from the check-in?”

“They’re excited. They did ask to see what printed materials I’m using for the piece and said they were a little outdated. But they replied with some other books and materials that are more updated and relevant to their mission I could use. It was constructive at the end of it,” you explain. 

“And those pages are going here, yeah?” Joy asks, pointing to the blank corner. 

“Yeah, they are,” you nod. 

“Okay, okay. I’m excited to see where it goes. I hope you’re proud of the work you’ve put in.”

“I think I am. For right now. I’m sure once I start painting in the gold details it’s going to kick my ass again,” you laugh. 

“Oh, no, I don’t think so. It looks good.” 

“Thanks, Joy. And I finished off the last of those beets.”

“Oh, good, good. I was wondering. Did you roast them again?”

You nod. “Easiest way for me to get through them. But they were really good. Better than store bought.”

Joy’s laugh is loud, taking a firmer grip on your shoulder and tugging you into her. “You wouldn’t be attempting to butter me up, would you?”

“I’d never attempt such a thing. I always succeed.”

The shed falls into a round of laughter, even a round of small snickers from Calum as he unabashedly watches the two of you. Joy never falters, squeezing one more time at your shoulders. “Succeed, you do, I’ll admit. Don’t tell Calum though.”

“I won’t,” you promise. 

“Hmm, well, I guess I’ll leave you to work. Need anything?”

“No,” you return with a small shake of your head. “I’ve got everything.”

“Good.” Joy presses a kiss to your forehead and then steps away. 

Calum watches the way you linger, still pushed forward into where her embrace once was, like you might chase behind her. But you don’t. You lean back and put the headphones back on. But there was a pause. Long enough for Calum to see it. And he knows--or at the very least figures--what that pause means. How much you get from the small interactions with his mother. He’d be glad if you did steal his mother, as you called it, if it means that you were getting the pieces of what you’d missed.  

And it’s only a moment--the briefest of pauses. The headphones are settled back on and pick up your paints again. Joy slides into the bench next to Calum and nods in your direction. 

“Everything okay?”

“With them?” Calum clarifies, pulling the top of his laptop down as he sits up a bit straighter. 

“Yeah. With them. You’ve been a little tight lipped lately. If it’s not something you can share I get it. Just want to make sure of course.”

Calum looks back over to you. Your foot’s tapping again, the brush ever so gently scratching over the canvas again. You’d been tight lighted about it too to some degree. The only thing Calum has is that you asked if need be, could he help pick up Charlie and Teagan from school. He agreed that he could. Considering that sessions were closing in another two weeks for the holidays until January, his free time was considerably much larger than usual. And even if you needed help once sessions resumed, he’d always be able to take a recess whenever Charlie and Teagan were almost done with school to get them.  

He’s not sure what’s caused you to ask this--if you’re planning something for Charlie and Teagan, but the alternative is much more sinister. Calum turns back to his mother and she’s only watching. Her fingers are wrapping around his and he exhales. “We’re okay. But something might be happening with Charlie and Teagan. I don’t know.”

“What makes you think that?”

“They asked if I could pick them up from school in the afternoons.”

Understanding crosses her face, brows rising before she looks your way. “Parents drinking again?”

Calum shrugs at the question, but tightens his hold around his mother’s hand. He felt more comfortable telling his mother more about your situation than his dad. She was a bit more careful with what information she was given. “If anyone, it’s probably Diana. But they haven’t said anything to me. Not yet anyways.”

“Will their current living situations support Charlie and Teagan?”

“Temporarily, I’m sure. But not long term, I don’t think.”

Joy hums and it’s a sound that Calum knows well. Her wheels are turning. “Well, we shouldn’t assume. But if they need help relocating, we can help. If not here, then wherever they feel most comfortable being of course.”

“We will. We will,” Calum agrees. 

The conversation between you two had been short--that you needed a plan in place should you need it. Only as he rethinks through the conversations, does he think it was confirmation. I just need to have a plan, sooner rather than later. He should’ve pressed more about it, he thinks. But he does trust you. If there’s anything he needed to know, you’d tell him. But that doesn’t mean Calum can easily swallow down his desire to help. Yet, trust is the only way any of this will work. Choosing you means choosing trust.

“How’s the garden going?” Calum asks. 

“It’s all mostly harvested. But good.”

“Any new recipes you think you’ll try?”

Joy laughs, patting at Calum’s hand. “Oh, no, not this time around. Gave it to the staff mostly. But if you are interested, I could always use a second pair of hands for the spring planting. We can put something together.”

Calum knows that dance--dangerous as it is. He laughs. “Do you need some help right now?”

“Oh, no, no, I came out here just to say hi to the two of you. Feels like I haven’t talked to my boy properly in a few weeks.”

Calum waves her in, arms opening for a hug. “Love you, Mum,” he whispers into the embrace. 

“Love you too.”

Calum remains until she lets go first and when she does, he slides back into this original spot. “It's been rather boring lately if I’m honest.”

“Hmm, nothing from the boys either?”

Calum shakes his head at the question. “Nothing that I’ve heard.  Well, there is Michael’s birthday next month”

“Yes, yes, his mother was talking to me today about that. She said he’s just doing dinner?”

“That’s what he said he’d prefer. Ashton, Luke, and I are still working out the details and getting a table reserved.”

“Do you know who I talked to recently?” Joy asks. She grins as she speaks, a little bop to her head as well. It’s good news then. 

“Who did you talk to recently, Mum?” Calum laughs. 

“Do you remember Ms. Brenda, Joshua’s mum?”

Calum nods. He still keeps in contact with Joshua from time to time. It’s not nearly as frequent as Luke, Michael, or Ashton. But Joshua and Calum were thick as thieves as kids on the time. “I remember Ms. Brenda.”

“She told me Joshua is proposing at Christmas.”

Calum whistles. Joshua had told him that he was dating seriously and they were moving in. That was only a few months ago, maybe almost a year, but not more than that. “Wow. God, we are really growing up, huh?”

“Oh, god, you can say that again,” Joy laughs. “When’s the last time you talked to Joshua anyway?”

Calum had texted Joshua a few weeks ago, mostly to say he hoped Joshua was doing well and Joshua replied with his usual, hanging in there by my toes, but hanging. As they’d gotten older Joshua moved away from football. In high school, he’d gotten a little gig to help out at home. But he didn’t talk about it much and since, Joshua mentioned he’s swapped from trade work to an office job. But the conversations were filled more with jokes and laughter than catching up on their lives. 

Calum shrugs a little. “A few weeks ago. He said he was doing alright, but not this alright to be proposing. Has Ms. Brenda given up her banana bread recipe?”

“No,” Joy laughs. “But I’m going to get it from her eventually.”

“One of these days,” Calum teases. “If I get any more updates from the boys, I’ll be sure to share. As long as you share too.”

Joy holds up her hands, one at her chest. “Swear it,” she grins. 

“The holidays are coming up soon too. I’m sure they’ll have some juicy stories then. ”

“Never fails,” Joy hums. “Anything you want? While we’re on the topic of the holidays.”

The question does make Calum ponder. There’s nothing that he wants that he thinks could be given by his parents. His gaze falls back to you. The sun cascades down around you, propped in the almost perfect center of the room. It's a small floor plan to begin with--the shelves help give storage without sacrificing the too much square footage. But finding a good place to put the easel for you really only had a few places to go--along one of the walls that was taken up by the bench and table or go into the center. But it’s nice to have your work at the center. What Calum really wants is time with you, time where you don’t have to worry about anything, where nothing is hanging over your head.

“Something that I could get would be ideal,” Joy laughs. 

Calum snorts. There’s no embarrassment about being caught. “Can I take a rain check on that question then?”

“Absolutely, son. Absolutely. But besides the stuff with their parents, you two are okay, right?”

Calum regards his mother. The grays are prominent and continue to grow more so as the years pass in her hair. She shares a nearly identical cut to Calum’s though her sides are cut nearly as close as his. Calum had teased his mother when she first cut it that she was copying him. Joy never denied it. Just hugged Calum in tight and laughed. It’s going to destroy him when he can’t get one of those hugs--bone crushing and warm. Calum wonders if he’ll ever be able to recover from such a loss like that--death or not. He doesn’t know how you do it. How you’ve survived this long, but you do. He’s glad that for the time being the both of you can get soul warming hugs from his mother. 

 Because she’s real and present and looking back at him with the same concern she used to direct his way when he’d talk about a bad day at school. But instead of feeling like a child, instead of feeling small, he finds himself proud that he looks back into his mother’s face and knows that he’s got nothing to hide, that he can put it out on the table and she will always be there for him. He’s a little scared, how much he feels and how much of him is so willing to take the risk to get hurt again. 

“We’re okay,” Calum answers. “I told them about Nora though.”

Joy whistles, brows rising at the news. “How’d that go?”

“Better than expected.” He’d prepared for the day he told you about Nora. How it might send you into a panic or even worse might cause an argument given how some that hurt still lingers, how he still mourns what could’ve been while discovering how much of the desire isn’t broken or gone with you. But thankfully it didn’t. For all that could’ve happened, nothing bad did. 

“How do you feel about that? Now that it’s out there?” Joy asks, reaching for his hand again. 

Calum shrugs, gazing back up as a shadow passes. A few birds flying overhead, he assumes. “It feels like I’m hiding less things now. Like I can be human with them more. But it’s hard. I-” His throat jumps. Fear he can place as it thumps in his veins. “I love them. But the last time I loved someone like this…” The words are catching. He wants to get them out but the emotion seizes his throat. 

“It ended poorly. I know, I know,” she whispers in return. Both her hands wrap around Calum’s left hand. 

“Yeah. But it’s so strange. To know that this all falling apart is still a possibility but not caring as much. All I find myself focused on is what I can still experience. Like even if it does have to end, and I don’t. I really don’t want that. But if it has too, I don’t want regrets on the table.”

“Well, that sounds like something to me. Like you know what you want,” Joy returns. “Sounds like you know what’s worth taking the risks for, which in turn, means you don’t have regret.”

Calum notices the hand retreating now from his space. A bottle of water rests onto the table, on the coasters you insisted on having for the shed. “It’s a good thing I don’t have plans on leaving. I’m right here, love,” you whisper against his cheek before pressing a kiss to the stubble he knows he needs to shave. 

Calum takes his free hand and tugs you back when you go to step away. Your legs hit the edge of the bench with a stop thump. There’s red and gold paint on the end of the sleeves decorating the threads. Your fingers are stained too, but that doesn’t make Calum hesitate as he threads his fingers through yours. “You’re supposed to be painting.”

“I took a hydration break,” you laugh. He spies now the second bottle of water in your hand that’s now being lowered to the table.  With your second hand free, you reach into the pocket of your apron and unearth a clean rag and drape it over his shoulder. “For any snot.”

Calum laughs, head dropping into your stomach. “If we’re keeping score about who’s cried the most, I think you’ve got me beat.”

“I’m a water hose, sue me.” You press a kiss to the top of Calum’s head though.

The paint is tacky against Calum’s fingers. His skin will be stained red and gold too, but it doesn’t matter. He drags his thumb over yours, a soothing action back and forth.  You are there. You are just within reach. “I won’t,” Calum answers.  Your hum is reassurance coupled with the squeeze of your hand. 

Calum takes a deep inhale, attempting to commit to memory the way you smell in his clothes. The smell of paint powering over everything and yet, there is something so deeply you at the root of it--fresh like how clean linen smells. He tries to only take a minute or two, knowing that you’ll probably draw back first to head back to your painting. But you stay in the embrace. 

“You two hungry by chance?” Joy asks. “I’ll go fix us something.”

Calum nearly tells her that she doesn’t have to go. But she’s giving his one hand one last squeeze as she slips out from behind the table. Joy gives your shoulder a squeeze and then slips out the door; it shuts softly behind her. You stand, towering over Calum. But he pulls you even closer into him, hands winding around your waist. 

“You’re going to have paint all over your face,” you laugh. 

“I don’t care.”

“Is everything okay?” you ask. 

“Yeah. Just…I love you, that’s all.”

“I love you too.” The return is even and quick. You ease him out of his embrace and Calum looks back up at you. “Is now an appropriate time to make an inappropriate joke about why I’m not leaving you?”

“No,” Calum laughs. “Now is not the time for an inappropriate joke, but thank you for asking.” 

The cap on the water releases with ease and you pour a little bit of your bottle onto the rag. The touch is tender as you swipe it over Calum’s cheek and forehead. “You’ll let me know when I can, right?”

“Yeah, of course. The world needs all your inappropriate jokes.” Your work is steady on his cheek, one hand holding ever so gently against his chin. “Sorry to interrupt your hydration break.”

“Not an interruption at all,” you laugh. “How’s the speech coming along?”

Calum gingerly tugs at the rag in your hand. “You see how that laptop is closed?” You nod. “That’s how well it’s going. I don’t even need to worry.”

“Or are you too distracted?”

“Some might say those are the same.”

“Yeah, all people named Calum Hood,” you snort, before taking a sip from your bottle. Your gaze is steady. But Calum can see it, the question brewing behind your eyes. “Would I be correct in assuming that I’m the first person since Nora?”

There it is. Calum doesn’t even need to ask what you heard. “You are.” He’s sure it’s more obvious than needed but at least you asked. 

“I know I can’t promise not to break your heart. But I’d like to politely ask for the space to prove to you I’m not her.”

Calum knows you’re not her. It’s not even a comparison of people, just a comparison of situations. He’s right where he was before. And it’s all different than it was before. Less tense, more space to converse and to be. But he’s scared. He doesn’t want to fall on his face again, doesn’t want the person he cares about most taken away from him. “Since when do you have a polite bone in your body?”

“Since my sarcastic timing isn’t always well loved. And I know that’s rich coming from me, considering everything I’ve done and yet to tell you. However, still, I wanted you to know that I want this relationship with you.”

Calum knows that on an intellectual level. But it’s nice to hear the words again. “Thank you.” It feels too small a phrase for what he means. Because what he means to say is that you are right--you and Nora are two different people. These are two different relationships. But the fear has a strong hold. What he means to say is the sound of you saying that you want him makes his stomach knot, makes his toes curl, makes Calum feel like a kid again in the most innocent of ways. What he means to say is that he never wants to forget that, but he knows he’s human. So he will forget, but please always remind him. 

The kiss to his forehead is wet, no doubt to the water on your lips, but gentle. “I’ll tell you as many times as you need to hear.”

If he could have you say it all the time, he would. But Calum revels in the whisper of your voice even as you slip away. He knows you’re in a bit of a time crunch. The paint will need plenty of time to dry so you’re trying to get through this with enough time to spare. He lets you go, promising him to himself that he’s going to spend the entirety of the night having you say it again and again how much you want him. 

“Baby,” he calls out, just before the headphones cover up your ears. 

“Yes, my love?” you ask, turning on the stool.

“I’m glad it’s you.”

“You’re glad it’s me?”

Calum nods. “Yeah, I’m glad it’s you.” He’s not sure if you understand, if you’ll get what he’s saying. But he is glad it’s you. Someone that got to know him from the ground up, someone that he got to know out of pure interest. He’s glad you’re who you are and that the two of you have this. Truly, what other ways can he say it? He’s just really glad it’s you. 

You smile, headphones covering your ears, but you’re still facing him. “I’m glad it’s you too.”

______________________________

The heat from the oven grazes your arms as you slip the tray onto the rack. The orange pumpkins dyed into the white dough smile back at you--gaps between their carved teeth. You hope it’s not too much--that you’re coming over with a basket of things for what might be a pretty small holiday. But you are curious--has Mevlin made progress with Diana? Charlie makes no mention of noticing anything strange. Teagan hasn’t tipped you off that more things are happening out of the ordinary. It looks as though things might be on the up and up. Yet, you know looks can and will be deceiving. Its hardly been a week but the anxiety is gnawing on your innards—a feast for it and starvation for you. 

With ease you wind the white timer for 10 minutes and set it down onto the counter. The ticking seconds are background noise for you cutting persistently through the crackle of plastic as you tear open the package of black tissue paper. The orange plastic pumpkin mirror the cookies--blackness around their gaped teeth, a hollow but practiced smile. You line the bottom of the buckets with a couple sheets and then start to toss in the socks, and stickers. They get a book to color in each, a fresh pack of coloring pencils, and Halloween pins for jackets or backpacks. Charlie gets one in the shape of a ghost and you slip a bat theme pin packet in for Teagan. 

The candy waits in big bags--an unfortunate reality that you’d waited a little too long to get the smaller bags for the occasion but Calum promises to help when you get back to divvy up the remaining lollipops, chocolate, and other sweets into bags for people on staff and their children too considering he’d gotten a hefty amount of the remaining bags as well when he accompanied you on your errand run for the baskets. Teagan likes the sweeter stuff and Charlie’s a big fan of chocolate. So you slide a bag of the respective kind of candy in front of each one of the brackets for them.

“Oh my god, a ghost,” Declan laughs, sliding in next to you at the kitchen island. 

“Boo,” you smile in return. 

“You know that you and the Prince are both adults? I didn’t suspect the two of you to be into Halloween this hard.”

“These are for my siblings,” you return. 

Declan pauses, hands having stretched out towards the back of Snickers, Reeses, Almond Joys and other chocolates.  “Oh. Well, that makes a lot more sense. Need help?”

You know you don’t. There’s only the candy left aside of their bags of cookies that you’ll be putting together after they cook and cool. “If you’re truly that bored, sure,” you offer. 

It’s an easy out, a way for Declan to slide into the bench at the table and take a load off before he works. Dinner will most likely be starting soon and you’re hoping that your timing hasn’t interrupted Declan’s work. He started to take weekend dinner shifts most often. “I’ve got time. Just vouch for me if Janet chews out my ass.”

“I hope I’m not in the way. The cookies only have like another 8 minutes or so and I will always vouch for you if Janet comes.”

“You’re not in the way,” Declan answers, but takes the bag into his grasp and pulls it open. 

You slide him a few more sheets of black tissue paper.  “I was trying to time between shifts,” you offer. 

“You timed it well. How much candy am I giving your dear old sibling? Whole bag? Half?”

“No more than half? They’ll be going trick-or-treating this weekend too.”

Declan laughs, reaching into the bag for a handful. “Oh, your parents are going to hate you for all this extra sugar.”

“Perhaps that’s the point.” Perhaps, you’re adding fuel to a forest fire. But you’ll add it. You shimmy a few extra packets of the nerds into the bucket. 

“Are they still super young? Your siblings, I mean.” Declan tips the bucket in your direction a little for you to get a better view. “Too much or too little?”

You peer onto the bucket. It’s not empty, but it does look a little sparse. “Tiny bit more if you don’t mind. And they’re in middle school. 13 and 11.”

“And you’ve never talked about them before because?”

You didn’t know about them before. You were terrified of what it meant. There’s a small part of you that feels vindicated. You knew something would happen with your parents involved. You knew that if you got too close you’d wind up in a mess. But god, there’s a larger part hoped you’d been wrong. 

“It’s complicated,” you answer. “My parents and I aren’t close. But I am trying to be there for my siblings at the very least. They’re important to me.”

“Well, I--should it matter in the slightest-- think you’re killing it. This enough?”

You take a peek into the bucket. There’s enough candy that you know Melvin will be dealing with wrappers and sugar highs for at least a week. You nod. “Thanks for your help.”

“Anytime.”

“How-how are things with you?”you ask.  There’s a bit of hesitation. The timer ticks around you and with the baskets full, including the extra bits of tissue paper tucked in, there’s still something that lingers. Something that you don’t want to fall flat with Declan--like you know how friends do. 

Declan shrugs. “They’re going.”

The shrills interrupts what you think might’ve been on his tongue. Declan turns, kitchen towel already fall off his waist as he tugs on it. “Just going?”

“These extra shifts are a little bit killer, but they’re helping pay off the work I had to get done to my car, so it’s all evened out.”

“What happened to your car?”

“Brakes needed to be replaced, and new tires.”

You hiss at the answer, watching Declan slide the tray onto the aisle. The cookies are a golden color now around the edges--perfectly cooked. “At the same time?”

He nods. “Same time. I could’ve done the brakes myself but they were closing in on being dangerously thin. I was already going to have to go in for the tires so I just tacked on the brakes and figured I’d work out the money later. Was not the smartest financial decision, but it was either taking two days off from work or just one. I need my remaining PTO for the holidays.”

“Your sister’s graduation right?” He’d mentioned it once to you before but hadn’t really talked about it since. 

Declan nods. “Yeah.” It comes slow. And you’re not sure what’s causing his hesitation but he laughs with a shake of his head. “I shouldn’t be shocked you remember that.”

“Yet you are, you jerk.”

“Credit where credit is due. My apologies.”

“What is your sister studying?”

“Data Analytics. She’s got a job lined up too once she graduates.” 

A feat you know given the current landscape. A whistle leaves you. “A whiz, I see.”

“Just don’t let her hear that.” 

“Promise,” you laugh. 

“Her plan is to move out in another two years time, I think,” Declan offers. “Of course it all depends on how the market stabilizes."

“Do you know if she is looking for roommates? Could help her a little bit but it comes with its own risks of course.”

Declan shrugs. “I’d offer for her to move in with me. I know our parents are going to be a little overbearing, but it’s not cool to move in with your older brother and his roommate. But I did at least tell her that if she’s interested in my complex, to let me know. I’m only a ten minute drive from our parent’s place so she’d still be close enough to them too.”

“Sounds like that’ll be nice if it works out.”

“Time will only tell in the end. Things still going good at the new job? You sure you don’t want to come back to us?”

It’s a tease and you can tell by the way he bats his lashes. But even just the offer makes your heart leap. You think you’d take this job back in a heartbeat if you could. But Forest has its perks. There was a reason why you had to leave. “It’s good. It’s a lot more hectic than here on average. But pays the bill. Health insurance is a small step down but not that I needed more than yearly check ups for anything.”

“Good health is a fountain of wealth in the end,” Declan returns. “I’m glad it’s going well. I think Val said she tried to pop in but didn’t see you.”

“I’m back of house right now. Until I get licensed to bartend. When that happens I’ll be on the front a bit more.”

He nods, a hum falling from his throat. “Sounds like the place is still stretched thin though.”

More than a handful of times you’ve heard runners complain about how many shifts they’ve been asked to cover. The kitchen staff is pretty solid. It’d come up as you worked more than the person you took over for left because of needing to move back home for family needs. But Turner seemed to still be struggling to retain servers. You were sure that she’d train you up by now but perhaps the concerns you voiced about your relationship with Calum were keeping her from getting you onto that boat. Though, once you got on the bar you’d undoubtedly have to learn tables too. 

“It is,” you agree after a meaty pause. “But it’s not so much that I think I’m getting screwed over. I guess. I know my time will come once I move to the bar.”

“Does it make you nervous at all? To move to the floor? Given your relationship, I mean.”

“Makes Calum more nervous than me. But seeing what I have of the bartenders right now, I’d run food and take care of those right at the bar. Right now, it’s like a bridge that I can’t see enough to worry about if I'll have to cross it or not.”

You slide over to the cookies, testing the temperature with your finger. They feel cool enough and you gingerly wiggle them loose from the sheet. Declan slides you two plastic bags. “I guess in some ways it’s like not trying to stress yourself out twice about things,” Declan states. 

“Yeah,” you nod. You seal up the last four cookies for Charlie. Two more remain on a piece of paper towel. Declan takes the sheet and moves it to the sink. “Oh, I can wash it.”

With a pointed stare, Declan turns on the water and squeezes a bit of dish soap onto the sheet. “What was that? I can’t hear you over the water,” he shouts. 

You’re not sure what you expected but when he’s done, you toss him one of the remaining cookies, hoping he doesn’t drop it but hoping just a little that it tumbles. Declan catches it with ease. “For all your hard work,” you return. 

He snorts. “Thanks.”

“Thank you. I appreciate it.”

“Oh, anytime as long as I get fed cookies at the end of it.”

The door to the kitchen opens, you catch the movement from your peripheral and look up from Declain. Calum peeks his head through the door. “Ready, baby?”

“Yeah, I just finished up.” You offer Declan the second cookie as well. He waves it off. 

“Nah, I’m good. I’ll see you around.”

“I’m not going to eat it,” you laugh and Declan huffs before plucking the sugar cookie from your fingers. 

“You owe me,” he calls out around his bite. “I need advice on what to get my sister for her graduation present.”

“Call me. I’ll help. But you can’t go wrong with money.”

“Aye, yeah, I thought about that. But I want to do something more personal. As the oldest, I can do better than that.”

The bags of candy rattle in your grasp as you slip the shopping bag they’re in on your wrist. The two baskets are wrapped securely into the curve of your fingers from the plastic handles. You get Declan’s concerns. The pride in his voice makes you realize perhaps you’re less alone than you felt with Charlie and Teagan’s situation. 

You nod at Declan. “We’ll cook up something. Be thinking about what she likes or what she needs. Text me whatever you think of and then we’ll grab coffee or something to solidify a plan.”

“Thank you,” Declan grins. “You’re a life saver.”

“Don’t I know it,” you laugh over your shoulder. Calum steps in closer, his fingers brushing over your wrist as he takes the Target bag with the leftover candy. 

“Shut up. No one told you to brag about it.” 

Calum holds the door open for you. “Sorry I couldn’t help with the baskets. But it looks like you still had some help around.”

“Don’t worry. I know you had other obligations. Declan sort of forcefully helped out. In a way.”

“Declan has a sister?” Calum questions. “Didn’t know that.”

“Yeah, he does. She graduates university in December.”

“Oh, that’s nice. I didn’t realize Declan was old enough for a sister graduating uni.”

“He’s 27. So not that much older.”

The lights on Calum’s truck light up briefly and you two slip inside. You’re not sure what you’re about to head into. Though you hope it’s good news, there’s dread in the bottom of your stomach. Calum doesn’t know. You only asked if he could help pick up Charlie and Teagan from school. But he doesn’t know. 

“When’s your next day off again, baby?” Calum asks. You were off today--having spent most of that time doing laundry and cleaning out your car. But then came by after were done so that both you and Calum could go over to your parent’s place--at Charlie’s request that Calum come. 

“Uh, next Tuesday, I think,” you return. “I have to look at the schedule again.” You take a picture of it when it gets posted. You can only imagine what haunts you in the photo album of your phone should you ever go back through it more thoroughly. 

“When you do, can you let me know? Next month we’ll need to schedule a fitting for outfits to the auction and banquet. It’ll be pretty straight forward for me. But I know they’ll want to do your measurements, talk about what you’re comfortable wearing and show you some pieces. It’s….going to be a lot. But it won’t take the whole day.”

That part you hadn’t considered. Though you were still working on the painting religiously in the evenings, the banquet was being pushed further and further down on your list of concerns. Having to actually go was a dream, or perhaps you held onto some delusion that you wouldn’t have to go. Though you definitely did. “I’ll let you know,”you return. 

“I’ll be there, the entire time,” Calum promises, a hand on your knee. “It’s really not bad. If you want, we can sit down together and look at stuff to help you prepare. Brands, maybe colors, silhouettes and such.”

“That would be nice.”

“Of course, baby. I’d be happy to.” 

The first part of the journey is smooth, the tires gliding down the road. Calum seems to find a sense of content with his hand on your knee, a gentle gliding up to the middle of your thigh and then a slide back down. Rhythmic in a way that you’re partially sure it’s not conscious. It feels unbothered, unworried in a way that only the subconscious is capable of doing. And the longer his palm slides along your denim cladded knee, the longer you think about the mess Calum could be walking into. He might already suspect, but it is still your responsibility to be transparent, to tell him what’s going on in your life even if it’s hard, even if it’s tiring. 

“I want to say thanks,” you start, capturing Calum’s free hand for a moment to give it a squeeze. “For agreeing to help me with my siblings. I do know I need to explain what’s going on right now. It’s just hard—I guess it’s also shame. But Teagan noticed that Diana missed tucking her in a few nights back in August or so. And things just sorted to feel off with how pushy she started to get. Melvin confirmed a couple weeks ago that she’s drinking again.”

Calum hisses, his hand squeezing against your knee. “I am so sorry, baby. That’s so awful.” 

“Melvin asked for some time to get her more help. He’s worried about disrupting too much of Charlie and Teagan’s schedule. I gave him until the end of next month to make progress with her. But if she’s not better, I’m taking them in for a little bit.” 

“Outside of pickup from school, what other help do you need? I-there’s-whatever you need, I want to help.” 

You know Calum’s being careful. You can hear how much might be behind those words. “We might need a room at the palace if that’s okay. I don’t know how suitable my room is long term. Until my lease is finished and I find a two bedroom apartment.” 

“We have space. That’s not a problem.” 

Your cheeks are warm. He says it so easily like he doesn’t have to think. And some in ways he probably doesn’t have to. But the deep pressure of his hold tells you that he means it deeply. “Thank you.” 

“Of course. I’m really sorry that this is happening. To them. To you all over again in a way. All three of you deserve so much better. But I think you’re doing what you might’ve wished someone did for you. And that in and of itself is incredibly powerful.” 

The tears burn. You watch the way the highway signs wave in their wake.  It’s not exactly what you’d want, though maybe in your younger years you did wish someone to save it before it started. And you can be that light. You can be the hero that your siblings need, even if they’ve never wanted for one. “I just hope they don’t hate me.”

“I can sympathize with that fear, baby. They’re kids right now. They maybe won’t get it immediately. But when they get older, you can explain more. And maybe you and Melvin find a way to frame it so it doesn’t seem so bad right now and they don’t take it so hard. And I hope they don’t hate you either. I can’t say they won’t. But Charlie and Teagan seem like kids that would at the very least listen.” 

You hope. You’d beg of the universe that Charlie and Teagan at the very least listen to you, understand that you don’t want to make any changes to their lives unless it’s to improve it. But they are just kids. Temporary displeasure for more stable and permanent change seems like a fair price to pay, but you know they’ll take years to see it that way. 

“I hope,” you return softly, sniffling back the snot that threatens to slip down your cupid's bow. “I hope.”

Calum motions to the glove box. “Tissues if you need them. But I’m here. Mum is too. So is Dad. You’ve got people in your corner. I’ll talk to security and we can get Charlie and Teagan set up so they’re safe and they have a nice place to hang out. We’ll create a plan so that they’re always on time to school and picked up and for any after school activities they’re in as well. All hope is not lost.”

Hope is not lost. Just beaten and maybe a little battered. “You sure you still want to be with me?” you tease, taking out the small pouch of tissues from the glovebox. 

“I’m not going anywhere, baby. But I am going to make sure Charlie and I have the best jack-o-latern on the block, so be prepared for that.”

“Not if Teagan and I have the best one.”

“Oh, game on, baby. I hope your mouth is not writing checks you can’t cash.”

“All my checks are good.”

Calum gives a disapproving hum but risks a glance in your direction. “We’ll see about that. We’ll see. Is it this exit or the next one?”

“Next one,” you answer. “Once you got off, I’ll help more.”

“Next one. Got it. Thanks.”

“No, thank you.” 

The front of the house is dark when you arrive. There’s no lights bleeding through the curtains. There’s no flutter or wide swinging of the door as you and Calum ascend the stairs. You’re not sure what this means and from what you can see there is at least one car in the driveway at the very least. There were two--a car for Dian and Melvin each. But you’re not sure who drives what. It feels a little pointless to knock on the door, but you do so anyway. It sits unanswered for a minute or two. 

Calum’s hand rests gingerly in the dip of your lower back. “Want to try the door bell?”

It feels silly to think you haven’t had to use the doorbell in months. But you wait a moment more and then reach for it. The toll rings out, so much so that even you hear it from behind the closed door. The seconds pass and you don’t hear anything. Melvin had told you to come at this time. You worried nothing had happened in the meantime but a few seconds later you catch a faint call, “Coming, coming!”

Melvin smiles as he opens the door. There’s light but from deeper in the house, from the kitchen you think. The front of the house is dark. “Uh, we’re in the backyard,” he notes, pushing his glasses back up on his face. 

You nod and step inside. “Okay.”

“That’s cute,” he comments, pointing down to the buckets in your hand. “For Charlie and Teagan?”

“Uh, yeah. There’s a lot of sugar as a warning.”

“To be expected,” he laughs. “Just head straight back. I’ve got to run upstairs and I’ll be right back down in a minute.”

Calum slides in around you, giving Melvin a passing greeting before taking a couple steps further ahead of you. You watch Melvin though, as he ascends the stairs one hand on the railing. He moves quietly though you distinctly remember the sixth step always having a little bit of a squeak to it. So far, there’s no Diana. Not that you can see but you know you’re staring too much when you notice just how Melvin skips over the second noisiest step too. 

“Ready?” Calum questions. 

“Yeah, yeah, sorry,” you return and then catch up. “It’s just this way.” You lead Calum deeper into the house, past the living room and kitchen to the sliding glass doors. Charlie and Teagan sit at the wooden bench in the backyard, two pumpkins resting already on the table on top of newspaper. The big kitchen trashcan sits outside--ready and lined with the black garbage bag. 

The two turn at the sound of the door sliding in the grooving, faces immediately brightening up when they spot you and Calum. Teagan slides out and rushes up the porch steps. “Hi!” she laughs colliding into your lower body. 

“Hi,” you laugh in return. 

Charlie follows up behind his own cheer leaving his throat. You wrap him up in a hug as well. But as you do, you pause. He’s hitting the middle of your chest nearly. Just a few weeks ago he was maybe at your waist. But now you feel it in your bones. In the next year, you’ll be looking him directly in his eye. It would break your heart for it to be sooner, but the longer you take in the extra inches, you think it might be sooner. 

“You’re getting so tall,” you marvel. 

Charlie laughs. “Yeah, I guess so. The basketball coach asked me if I’d considered joining the sport last week.” 

“No more baseball?” Calum questions, slinging his arm around Charlie’s shoulders. 

“Never giving up on that. But I might consider basketball too. If they don’t share the same season schedule.” 

You know you shouldn't be shocked. It’s supposed to happen. They’re supposed to grow up. But as Charlie collects his basket full of goodies and carries on back to the table, you find yourself still in awe of how much he’s grown. They won’t be little forever--a terrifying thought to have. But they still laugh, digging into the baskets for their first pick of candy. 

“We’re supposed to wait,” Charlie notes, warning Teagan of some previous agreement. You think you hear somewhere in there where his voice cracks too. Just a little, hardly enough for you to think it’s real. But you swear you can catch it. 

She huffs, but places the box of Nerds back onto the table. “You could let me slide.”

“No, Dad said to wait, so we wait.”

“Where is Dad anyway?” Teagan questions. Her gaze falls behind you back towards the house but when she doesn’t seem to garner enough for an answer she looks back to you. “You going to help me destroy Charlie and Calum from over there?”

The shock glued your feet. You hadn’t made it from the bottom of the steps of the porch but you soldier on and settle onto the bench next to her. “No, sorry. Any ideas on what you want to do with this here pumpkin?” you ask with a slap to the side. It’s a dull thud, but the gourd is still firm under the weight of your hand. 

She nods, reaching for a stack of papers. “I drew up some ideas at lunch. Which one do you think is best?”

As you begin shuffling through Teagan’s ideas, you can catch the murmur of Calum and Charlie discussing too. For a brief moment, you lock in again on Charlie’s voice. There’s nothing there, not another crack. It’s enough that you think you could convince yourself that you imagined the earlier sound. But you know it’s a fruitless wish. So you zero back in on the four sketches--one has furrowed brows and though the brows aren’t quite even in the drawing, you do like the added touch. You slide it out towards her. “I like this one.”

“That was my first choice. But I liked this one too a lot.” She reaches for the drawing with the word, Boo written in a speech bubble out from the pumpkin’s mouth. 

You look back up to her pumpkin. Charlie’s chosen pumpkin is shorter and wider, which you think would fit the words a bit more. But Teagan’s pumpkin is much taller and a tad bit narrower. The word would inevitably wrap around the side. “I think given the pumpkin you’re working with this one is the best bet,” you return, holding the picture in your hand up a little bit more. “The pumpkin’s a bit too narrow for the word. But if you really want it, we can try to make it work.”

Teagan holds the design up to the pumpkin, eyes flickering up and down from the picture to the pumpkin, around the edges of it. “I think you’re right.”

“Save that one for next year, if you want. Then we can make sure you get the right size pumpkin for it.”

“There’s also the tiny pumpkins we’re going to paint too today,” Teagan begins, “so I’m sure I can use that design on one of them.” She points to the side of the table you’re at but there’s nothing a top of the table so you look down and spot a collection of six mini pumpkins waiting. 

“Oh, yeah, that works too.” 

The four of you wait for another minute or two, but you can see how antsy Teagan and Charlie are getting. They fidget near their boxes of candy and near the tools assembled on the table for carving. Melvin made it sound like it would only take a minute or two. It settles into your gut that Diana’s the reason for the hold up. And behind that lead is bile at the realization that Melvin may not be getting to her. If your lungs could collapse at a thought, this would be their undoing. 

Charlie looks back to the house. “I’m going to go look for Dad,” he states. 

It flashes before your eyes--how he might discover Diana drunk, Melvin doing his best to coax her from the glass, or worse, an argument. His world would crumble in an instant. You know that it might be the wind to bring the house of cards down and it might make whatever you do in the future make more sense, but you call out his name instead. He doesn’t need to be dropped into reality just yet. 

“We can get started, if you want. I think Calum and I count as adult supervision,” you tease. “Even if just barely on Calum’s part.”

“Excuse me?” Calum laughs. “I have been well into adulthood for quite some time now. Not nearly as old as you, but it still counts.”

Charlie laughs at the exchange. “No, but like, we always do it with Dad,” he counters. He’s not moved closer back to the bench, hovering in the few feet between the bench and the deck steps. 

“You can blame me,” you counter, nodding for Charlie to come back. “C’mon. Teagan’s got ass to kick--yours specifically.”

“Oh no, now that’s unfair,” he retorts, inching back towards the table, back towards safety. “And you owe money to the jar.”

“Add it to my tab,” you grin, sliding him an apron. 

“Game on,” he grins. Devious as it is, you count this as a win. You know the trouble won’t get smoother, won’t get easier, but Charlie doesn’t need the veil torn down just yet.

As you help Teagan into her apron, you notice her own concern, the flickering of her gaze back up to the house. God, what you wouldn’t have done to save her the first time, when she snuck down to that kitchen and caught those few seconds of the cabinets slamming. 

“Do you want to scoop or cut?” you ask, trying to pull her back. You can save her now, even if it’s only for pumpkin carving. “After we get the outline done, of course.”

“I’ll take a stab at the cutting.”

You snort at the pun, but nod. “If it’s too tough, just let me know and I’ll take over.”

She nods and takes the sharpie with ease to begin outlining the brows, eyes, and mouth of her jack-o-latern. She works with little hesitation until she has to make the brow on the right with the one on the left. Charlie and Calum laugh from their side of the table as Charlie works to get the knife through the thick rine.  

“Please watch your fingers, yeah?” Calum states as Charlie works. 

Teagan slips out from the bench and takes a couple steps back. You watch her and she tilts her head just a little. “I can’t get the brows straight for the life of me,” she laughs. 

You lean over to get a more straight one look. The right brow is just a little lower than the left. “It’s now an aesthetic choice. Adds to the character,” you offer. 

She snorts. “We can call it that.”

As she returns back to her spot, you hear the slide of the glass doors. Melvin slips through but pauses with the door not fully closed behind him. You see it, the flash of fear and disappointment over his face. It makes you wonder if he ever consider that even this particular path of action would have its own cost? The hand of the universe is always perfectly balanced--for every x that is solved, there is a z. 

The two of you lock gazes, as you stand to help Teagan with getting the gourd open, and you know that Melvin’s truly not prepared. Neither are you. The two of you are wading in the same sea. Neither one of you has a buoy, neither one of you have a life vest for what’s coming or what’s already here. The difference between you and Melvin are merely only the reasons that brought you into this stormy sea. You already know the cost of every choice. You already know that every action you take or don’t take will come with its own weighty consequence. You know the cost of keeping Charlie from going inside is that when the truth does come out, it will destroy him tenfold. You know when you take them in, when you do what you must do, there will be anger and resentment. As much as it scares you, you know you’re going to do it--regardless. You don’t know how to navigate those feelings. You don’t know how to live with the fear of what you know must be done. But you will still do it.

Does some part of this feel like deja vu for Melvin? Not that you envy his position. He is at the crossroads of his own impossible trolley problem. If Melvin wanted to save his wife, save the mother of his children, Charlie and Teagan  would become the sacrifice. If Melvin wanted to save his two youngest children from the same fate that fell upon you, his wife would become the sacrifice. You watch the crushing reality swallow him whole. You’ve never seen true horror on someone’s face until now. Until Melvin watches as you work the knife through the flesh of the pumpkin and the foundation of a tradition cracks. 

You could and would do whatever necessary to protect them. You wish you could tell him, say to him that this is the moment of sink or swim. This is the very second to decide if he’s going to let Diana’s own choices destroy what he’d worked so hard to build. But you’ve the rest of the rind to get through. There’s Teagan waiting eagerly to your right with the spoon to scoop out the innards of the pumpkin. So you look back down to the work you’re doing, sliding the knife through the tough outer flesh and resign yourself come the end of November, even if you have to sink, Charlie and Teagan will still swim. 

You can only hope Melvin’s accepted that fate too.

#calum hood #calum hood fanfic #calum hood fic #calum hood imagine #calum hood series #prince!calum #calum hood au #calum hood x reader #calum hood x gender neutral reader #prince!calum au #5sos #5 seconds of summer #5 seconds of summer fanfic #5 seconds of summer fic #5sos fic #5sos fanfic #5sos series #5sos imagine #sweet dreams #h writes

[suchalonelysunflower]

You're on Your Own Kid (a.i)

Pairing: Ashton Irwin x Fem! Reader

Summary: Based on YOYOK by Taylor Swift. You and Ashton are two best friends who drift apart even if one of you tries to hold on to the relationship.

Warnings: Angst. Language. Mentions of fatphobia, alcohol, drugs, cheating, eating disorders. Some grammatical errors (English is not my first language im sorry)

Word count: 5.6 k

Author's note: This is very me coded cause I needed to sort out feelings regarding two different broken hearts melted into one and several other things so, enjoy my pain, literally. Remember that we love REBLOGS over here and COMMENTS and TAGS and all of that so please, leave your love and SUPPORT YOUR WRITERS. Hope you like it and happy reading 🦋✨🌻

My Masterlist // Taglist on bio!!

Summer went away Still, the yearning stays

8 years old.

There was something so beautiful about the first day of summer break. Maybe it was the fact that the alarm clock didn’t go off and that the sun-soaked curtains were the ones that woke you up, softly letting the warm sunlight hit your face as a reminder that the best twelve weeks of the year were going to start.

Or maybe it was the smile that was immediately drawn upon your face as you heard your best friend call from downstairs:

“Oi, Y/N! What are you waiting for, you bugger?!”

Your barefoot feet touched the floor of your room as you ran to your window, watching with bright eyes and an excited smile as your next-door neighbor and best friend, Ashton, was already waiting for you, all dressed up in his bathers.

“C’mon! We don’t have all day!” He yelled again. You rolled your eyes.

“I’ll be there in 5 minutes!”

You closed your window and headed to the bathroom where you carefully prepared your bathing suit the night before when Anne-Marie came to ask your mother if you and Ash could have a playdate today. More specifically, Ashton was really excited to play with the sprinkler they just got to water the plants, and since neither of them got a swimming pool, he thought it’d be the best idea to combat the Australian heat that way.

Once your teeth were brushed, your hair combed, and your bathing suit on, you were ready to take on summer with your best friend. You ran downstairs to the kitchen, putting on your flip-flops and grabbing your strawberry shortcake backpack before grabbing a cookie from the counter.

“Bye mum!” You called, before heading toward the backyard door.

“Not so fast, young lady!” Your mother’s voice could be heard from the other side of the kitchen.

You sighed as you turned around. Looking defeatedly at the ground as you made your way to her. She stood tall with a crooked brow upon her face, pursing her lips as if she asked you a question even though she never did.

“What’d you got there, sweetie?” She asked, pointing her head toward you but to nothing in particular.

“Uh…”

“Didn’t we talk already about making healthier choices from now on?” She sighed, grabbing the cookie from your hand and giving you an orange instead. “Last year we let it go because of everything that was going on, but you need to start thinking about taking care of yourself, okay?” You nodded.

It wasn’t difficult to understand what she meant. You ate your vegetables and fruits, except bananas and the weird food grandma made that had seeds in it. But it was summer, and she made those cookies yesterday so, who was going to eat them, then?

“Good.” She smiled, cupping your face and placing a small kiss on your forehead “You’ll look so pretty when you grow up, I promise. Now, go play! But be back before sunset!”

“Alright!”

Your smile came back to your face as you walked and peeled the orange, crossing the backyard and opening the fence’s gate that connected your house to Ash’s. There, he was sitting on the ground looking attentively at the gate.

“Finally!” He groaned “I don’t know if you know what 5 minutes are but those were not it”

You chuckled “Sorry! Orange slice?”

“Thanks,” He smiled, getting a whole one in his mouth as he spoke, or tried to, at least “Nough checkth thith outh!”

He walked to the side of the house where he connected the sprinkler to the hose. And suddenly it was like a cascade of rain was falling over you. You squeaked in delight and giggled as you got completely soaked in under a second, watching in awe as the water rose to incredible heights for an eight-year-old and drew shapes in the sky before it fell down over you.

Ashton came running, jumping over the sprinkler and laughing as it moved around, creating new shapes that would soon cover the whole yard in water. You joined him immediately, allowing the water to soak away the heat of the first of many memorable summer days that year.

You played all day and all afternoon. Anne-Marie brought you sandwiches for lunch and stayed with you for a while, even playing with you as she held a small, baby Lauren in her arms, letting her enjoy the water as well. You and Ash would create the most bizarre adventures, imagining you were pirates having a final battle at a waterfall (his idea), pretending you were water fairies (your idea), and trying to see who could outrun the water (both your ideas, neither of you could win).

By the end of the day, you were both exhausted laying on the grass, giggling.

“I don’t want summer to be over!” He said, exaggeratingly throwing his arms to the sky to let them drop to the ground.

“Today’s the first day,”

“But that means one day less!”

“True…” You sighed “Maybe one day we can live on a permanent vacation. Where we don’t have to go to school or work”

“What do you want to be when you grow up?” Ashton asked, turning toward you.

“Like a real job or my dream job?”

“Aren’t those the same?”

“My mom doesn’t think so. At least she says my dream job is not a real job here so it won’t work”

“Your dream job, then”

“I want to be a singer,” You said, smiling.

Ashton looked confused “But that’s a real job!”

“My mom says it’s not” You shrugged “And I haven’t thought about my real job yet. So what about you?”

“I want to be in a band,” Ashton said with a confident nod “And I’m going to make it my real job”

“Can I be in your band?” You asked.

“Sure! You’re my best friend, of course, you can be in it! Now we only need someone who can play the guitar”

That day you went to bed with a smile on your face.

* I hear it in your voice You're smoking with your boys I touch my phone as if it's your face

17 years old

You halt at the door, take off one of your headphones, and turning back.

“What?”

Your mother, already huffing her way out to meet you halfway, rolled her eyes.

“I said, what are you wearing?”

“Clothes, mom” You answered, tiredly “I’m going to school, you know? The one I’m going to be late to if I don’t catch the bus?”

“Are you sure you don’t want to change?” She tilted her head, “It looks like that’s one of my shirts and-”

“It’s my shirt, mom. We bought it last week” She seemed to have something else to say but you just didn’t have the energy to hear it “I’m gonna be late, bye”

You put back your headphones again, letting Paramore silence the outside world as you walked in the opposite direction to the bus stop. No, you were not going to skip, but the words your mother didn’t say were clinging to the back of your heads like nails, so what if the normal fifteen-minute ride turned into a forty-minute walk? You had time, and plus, the windy morning could really help dry the tears that were already gathering in your eyes.

Crying is not something you did and you were not about to start now. You just got to toughen up, take her words with a grain of salt and keep going. It's not like you’re not making an effort. Is just that for her it is hard to see it since there’s no progress to be shown as fast as she would like.

You’re not in bad shape at all; you’re not a bad kid; your grades are good. It’s just that perfection has a standard in her eyes that you just haven't met yet.

Brick by Brick played for the third time in a loop before you got to school with a few minutes to spare. You smiled at a few of your classmates that you saw in the hallway and went to your locker, opening it to get the things you needed for your first class.

“Hey, you!” A familiar voice said next to you.

You smiled softly as you mindlessly handed Ashton your bag.

“Hey, Ash. Just one moment, please?”

He shrugged as he leaned against the lockers, watching as you put an oversized sweater over your clothes.

“We’re in Australia in April”

“I’m cold”

“Well, it is the year of the end of the world…” You rolled your eyes as you grabbed your bag from him and started to walk together to your first class “Icebergs will melt, the desert will freeze, kangaroos will take over the world-”

“Oh, I would be long dead before a kangaroo tried to fight me” You laughed.

“I’ll defend you!”

“So that our mothers could bury us next to one another? How charming”

The bell rang just in time for the two of you to take your seats. Biology would be the only class you’d share that day and you won’t be seeing each other again until lunchtime rolled around. By that time you were used to losing yourself in thought, especially on days like these where somehow nothing seemed to fit. Or was it because you felt misplaced? You would watch your classmates, smile at them, and make idle talk. You would take notes for your classes and answer the questions the teachers make. But there wasn’t a future here, nothing that seemed to last or that would make you want to stay.

Weekdays were routine that you would soon forget come the weekend. And now the desolated two-day break felt more like the same futile attempt to make something meaningful without succeeding at it. Looking at the window from your room made no sense anymore knowing that Ashton was most likely somewhere else entirely.

At the end of last year, some boy from another school messaged him on facebook asking him to play a gig with them. Since then, Ashton has joined their little band called 5 seconds of summer. A playful name for a band of high schoolers.

You’ve met them a few times and have watched them play whenever they had a gig near town. They were good and were rapidly growing a loyal fanbase with their youtube videos. But their ambition was bigger than just a hobby, and you could see it not just in the way Ashton talked about them, but in the gleam in their eyes every time they hung out or when they played. They were something else and they were ready for more.

However, that didn’t take away the fact that you missed your best friend.

“Earth to Y/N?”

“Huh?” You woke up from your thoughts in the middle of the cafeteria.

Ashton was sitting next to you, a concerned look in his eyes.

“Are you going to finish your lunch?” He said, pointing to your barely touched tray.

“Uh, no. You can have it”

“You’ve barely eaten”

“I’m not hungry” You shook your head, already sliding the tray to him “And you didn’t bring anything again”

He sighed “I forgot… No, I think I put my lunch in Harry’s lunch box again”

“Lucky him, then” You smiled “You’re still driving me home after school and to Mulligan’s later tonight, right?”

Ashton stopped chewing, closing his eyes as he swallowed thickly. Your smile fell.

“Ash-”

“I’m sorry!”

“Ash, you promised-”

“I know! I know, I’m a dickhead!” He said with regret the moment he saw how sad you looked. “But I promised Calum that I would sneak him out of soccer practice to go rehearse at Michael’s for our gig on Saturday and I completely forgot! I’m so, so sorry Y/N”

A sharp pain went through your heart as you took a deep breath before nodding. You looked down to avoid looking him in the eye, knowing that those puppy, hazel eyes would make you weak in an instant. Your thumbs twiddled with each other under the table, trying to take some of the tension away and distract you from the moment. It was no big deal. It was okay.

“It’s okay”

Ashton was not fooled by the whisper in your voice. “Y/N-”

“It’s okay, Ash. Really” You said more firmly this time, looking at him but not directly at his eyes “I can walk myself home, I need the sunlight anyway. And we can do Mulligan’s another day if you’d-”

“No,” Ash shook his head, “I said I’d be there and I will. I can cut the rehearsal short and I’ll meet you guys there! I will not miss it, alright? After all, you can’t wait for the midnight of your birthday another day, silly”

You smiled as you rolled your eyes, letting his arms wrap around your shoulders and bringing you closer to him, wondering if he can feel just how fast is beating.

* (9:25 PM) me: Ash, I’m already at the bar. I was late lol. So it’s okay if you wanted to stay longer with the boys

(9:55 PM) me: are you on ur way? I ordered us some beers ;) I finally got to use my ID

(10:30 PM) me: I drank ur beer

(11:30 PM) me: you’re not coming, are you?

*

There were two rings before he picked up the call.

“Ash, where are you?” You said into the night air and into the phone. Your classmates were inside the bar, waiting for you to sing happy birthday. But there were still five minutes to go and the person that said would be there was nowhere to be found.

“I- I am Ash,” He said before he exploded in giggles, followed by a fading chorus of familiar laughs at the other side of the line.

Then it hit you. He was still at Michael’s. He never left.

“Ashton, are you- are you high?”

Another explosive set of laughter hit you as an answer. You ended the call. The picture you took at the beginning of the year, with Ashton carrying you on his back as you both wink and make peace signs at the camera, mocks you as you try your hardest to be stoic for yourself.

You looked up to the moon and took a deep breath before coming back to the bar, an already perfect fake smile plastered all over your face as your classmates sang happy birthday at the top of their lungs, half of them already drunk. You didn’t know smiling could hurt that much till then.

By the end of the night, you tried your hardest to ignore the random comments that you happened to hear.

“Where’s Ash?” Someone would ask

“I heard he simply didn’t want to come,” Someone else answered. You didn’t know if to believe them.

The next day you woke up with a thousand messages of apologies and a notebook wrapped in wooden paper.

“For all the songs you’re gonna write”

Anyway

* I wait patiently He's gonna notice me It's okay, we're the best of friends

21 years old

To put it simply, L. A was a fucking nightmare.

Nowhere in the world have you seen such hypocrites smiling at each other like they were best friends all their lives. People were getting high in the backyard by the pool; couples cheating on each other in the same house; every up and coming having their realities shatter in front of their eyes as they realize what their dream industry actually is. And all of that is happening inside your own house in Beverly hills. Yes, you left the outbacks of Australia behind to chase the dreams you fought bravely to make come true. And without anyone’s help, you made it.

You went to college to please your mom, but finding your joy after Ashton had left soon after graduating high school was not easy. However, in order to pay some of your debts, you started working at the same bar you and your classmates used to hang out at. Cleaning tables and serving drinks was not as exciting as it sounded, but what really made it worth it was the open mic nights where anyone could come and present a bit of stand-up comedy or original songs to the public. That’s where you found your escape. Quite literally.

Soon, you were discovered, signed, and shipped off to Los Angeles where success has been modest but impressive for someone with such a short career. But dreams are not easy to maintain.

To have a dream in the city of dreamers is to be a fish in an ocean. Not rare and not exceptional either. It was intimidating and scary, all the more doing it all by yourself in a country where no one seemed to be your friend. People here knew of you, but they didn’t know you at all. Not really.

Maybe you don’t know yourself either.

“Y/N!”

Once again, a voice pulled you from your own thoughts and into your party again. From afar you noticed Calum’s wide smile as he headed toward you, pushing through the sea of people.

The only ones you know here in L.A are the ones that got away years before you did and were creating havoc among the younger fans. 5 Seconds of Summer was an absolute hit, and they were barely staying at the same place for more than four weeks straight, but you were thankful anytime they did. They were your friends or at least acquaintances except for Ash. They reminded you of home, and one person, in particular, reminded you that there was more than that to hang on to.

“Cal!” You called, hugging him as soon as he came close “I’m so glad you could make it. I have no idea who any of these people are! Where are the others?”

Calum shrugged “Michael got dragged by someone already. Luke… is complicated”

“And Ash?”

You didn’t want to sound hopeful. You didn’t want to give anything away with the tone of your voice or the way your eyes begged you to look around for him, see if he just got lost among the crowd.

“He said he’d come” Calum said, pretending not to know how you feel “You know how he is. Sometimes he says one thing…”

“To change it at the last minute.” You sighed “I hate that about him”

“It’s Ashton”

“I asked him to come and help me with the recording of some drums at the studio last week, did he tell you?” He shook his head “He said that what I was doing “wasn’t really his thing” so maybe I should just call someone else”

“He said that to you?” Calum said in disbelief.

You nodded “He’s been a real asshole lately. And I did get someone else in the end, but…”

“Yeah, I get it. It’s the principle”

But it was not just that. The Ashton you met at school was not the same Ashton you found as an adult. And yes, people are bound to change and you have changed a lot as well, but looking back it makes you question whether this person made changes to keep themselves in your life or to make themselves a memory of what once was a good old time. And you were scared Ashton could become the latter.

For many years, Ashton was the only one by your side, or at least that’s what you knew of. When he left for London all those years ago, you were happy that he could chase all those dreams he once shared with you in your backyard as little kids. But once you caught on with life and fate decided that it was time to meet again, it was like there were already so many people beside him that you felt out of frame. You were his friend first. But maybe he forgot.

“Ooop, he just texted” Calum chimed in, sipping on his drink “He’s right outside, I told him we’re hiding in the kitchen”

You chuckled as your fingers drummed nervously on top of the counter, trying your hardest not to look at the door. Not yet, don’t let him see you waiting for him. Just one moment more-

“What the fuck?”

Calum’s whisper made your eyebrows turn into a frown as you followed his gaze. Oh, how you wish you didn’t.

Entering your kitchen filled with people was Ashton, a smile so shy and welcoming at the same time, hand in hand with one of the most gorgeous girls you’ve ever seen in your life. Your smile flattered for one second.

“I guess he’s not with Jess anymore…” Muttered Calum. Jess? Who was Jess? And who was this girl if Calum didn’t know?

Your heart grew heavy as the air around you thickened, yet you couldn’t tear your eyes away from them. From afar, Ashton noticed you - or he noticed Calum, you didn’t know - and raised his hand to say hi and kept walking into another room with his new girl following him.

That’s it? Not even a proper hello? This is your house, your party… A sunken feeling enveloped you as you excused yourself to the bathroom, ignoring the pointed look Calum gave you as he let you go without asking questions.

The music was muffled inside the tiled walls. You locked the doors and went to the sink, leaning over it with your hands on either side of the counter. A shaky breath escaped your lips as you counted to ten over and over again, repeating to yourself that you were okay. You were okay, or you would be. You had to be.

As you raised your head, the mirror showed the reflection of a girl whose eyes beat red from tears she refused to shed. You could not be that girl tonight.

So you smiled at your reflection, practicing what muscle memory taught you good girls do when things don’t go their way. You smiled and fixed your hair, and smiled again. It didn’t matter that the image that kept playing inside your head was his hands tangled in hers. It didn’t matter that he didn’t even say hello. This was not about him nor your broken heart. You had to keep going so you had to smile. It’s not the first time it happened, you should be used to it by now.

One last deep breath and you opened the door, going back to the party. But as you made your way back into the kitchen, you bumped into someone going in the opposite direction.

“Woah! Hey, Y/N!” He said, smiling as he hugged you like he used to do.

For a moment you let yourself forget where you were and be hugged by him, letting the smell of his cologne be tattooed somewhere in your brain.

“Hi, Ash”

“How- hey, are you crying?”

“What?” You blinked a couple of times “Oh, no! One eyelash fell into my eye and I had to get it out, you know how that makes me-”

“Yeah, you get weirded out by eyes” He cringed.

An awkward silence set between the two of you, not knowing what to say now that is just the two of them. But you… Oh, you could say so much, you just didn’t know where to start. You wanted to ask about the tour, how it went and what was his favorite place to visit. You were dying to mention their new songs and how they made you feel. You wanted to ask about his family, how is Anne-Marie? Is Harry doing well in school? Has Lauren started high school yet and how does she like it? Do they still live in the same house you grew up with? Do they know the memories you shared? Do they even remember you?

Does Ash?

But standing in front of him you felt as if you had no right to ask those questions anymore. Ashton was not looking at you anymore, but at his phone, even when you were right there. Does he not have any curiosity toward you as much as you have about him? Does he not care?

You used to be best friends. You still were, right?

Yet, those questions were never asked as you just turned and kept walking. And when you looked back you noticed that Ashton hadn’t moved, hadn't noticed you were gone.

And if while you were looking you noticed some freshly made hickeys on the back of his neck, then you decided to ignore that as well.

(3:07 PM) me: saw two kids in a backyard playing mermaids with a sprinkler today. we never had that idea before (6:20 PM) ash 😜: i would've never consented to mermaids, mind you (6:30 PM) me: are you sure? (6:32 PM) ash 😜: nah, i would end up with a tail in the end (6:40 PM) me: do you miss it?

* From sprinkler splashes to fireplace ashes I waited ages to see you there I search the party of better bodies Just to learn that you never cared

25 years old

“Why am I not surprised?” Ashton laughed.

You didn’t notice his presence until he was standing in between you and the firepit in the backyard. He was wearing a shirt and a trenchcoat, lightly mocking your shivering figure as you sat outside on the last night of 2019.

“I don’t like parties” You answered.

“You never did,” Ashton said, sitting next to you “But that doesn’t give you the right to catch hypothermia”

“We live in L.A”

“Still,”

“I’m practicing”

“For what?” Ashton chuckled.

“Scotland,” You said, turning to look at him.

“Scotland? You’re gonna visit someone there, or?” He smiled, nervously.

“I’m moving there”

Ashton laughed loudly, “Bullshit!”

But you didn’t laugh along with him. Instead, you looked at him as the penny dropped and then moved your gaze to the fire again, finding comfort in the chaos. The only constant thing in your life.

Ashton blinked at you, elbowing you “You’re bullshiting me, Y/N”

You didn’t move, instead, you answered him in a monotone voice “Why would I?”

“What the fuck are you going to do in Scotland?!”

“The same, I guess?” You shrugged “I bought a house with a studio, my label has a branch there, I don’t do much touring so-”

“Were you going to tell me?!”

At this, you turn to him, almost as if to ask if he was serious.

“It’s not funny, Ash”

“The fuck is not! Of course not!” He shouted, getting up from his seat. The frown on his face deepened “You’re fucking moving away and you didn’t tell me?!”

“Why would I tell you?”

“Because we’re friends!”

At this, you couldn’t help but laugh. Like, actually, wholeheartedly laugh. Tears were at the corners of your eyes by the end of the laughing fit, even more so when you saw Ashton’s confused face standing in front of you.

Once you composed yourself, you shook your head.

“You can’t be serious right now”

“Y/N-”

“Honestly, Ashton. This- this is not funny, at all” You said, smile still on your face but your eyes getting redder as the tears gathered “You can’t- You can’t just come around every two years or so with a conversation and then yell at me and say that we’re friends as if you know what that means. No. Not with me, I- I won’t let it happen anymore”

You shook your head as a chuckle escaped your lips. “Ashton, tell me, right now. What’s the name of my cat?” He parted his lips but no words came out “What’s the name of my latest single?” Again, no answer “What’s the career I studied in uni before I came to the states?” By now, Ashton was looking down in shame “Ash, when is my birthday?”

That last answer broke your heart completely. You were hoping, wishing that at least that one he would get right. But his silence only confirmed what your heart knew. You closed your eyes as the tears finally slid down your cheeks, tired of being kept hidden all those years.

“Y/N-”

“No,” You raised your hand to stop him from saying anything else, “If it’s an apology I don’t want to hear it because it’s a little too late for that. Ashton, you have no idea what is like to have no one in your corner, and I pray that you never get to experience that. But all my life- all my life I’ve been waiting to be someone’s priority and when I finally put myself first, you come and try to berate me for it. I hate L.A. I had since the moment I came here. You had Calum, Luke and Michael, and countless other people to make you feel welcomed! but me? I had no one!”

All the feelings that were silenced over the years came crashing through. Unfiltered and uncensored. Like the fire in front of you, ready to spread out.

“And I tried to fit in. When I invited you and the guys and all of your friends, I wanted to make you feel that maybe I can still be part of this life as well! But they aren’t my friends, they’re yours. And you made no effort to even include me in your life as if I was someone that you tolerated from the past that’s long dead and gone. You have my memories, Ash. You have the same scars that I do, the same laughs, and the same tears from when we were kids till we were out of high school. We shared the same dreams and even though I knew you would make them more easily I prayed to god to take me where you would go because I knew that my place was with you, it didn’t matter where or how. I just wanted to be with my best friend, even if with time my best friend didn’t want to be my best friend anymore”

“Y/N,” His voice was small, fragile “That’s not true”

“Don’t lie!” You yelled through the tears “You’re being mean, Ash! You left me behind. You left me! And I’m still here, I was always here and you couldn’t see me, or you didn’t want to see me. You didn’t care! Could you look me in the eyes and tell me you didn’t know everything that was going on when we were kids?”

Ashton tried to keep his gaze up with yours but couldn’t, quickly looking away with guilt. You pressed your lips in a thin line as you nodded.

“I loved you, so so much. And I hate you for making me feel so unloved, so small and unimportant. I don’t think I can shake this now, and I don’t know if I can forgive you for making me hate myself this much when I did nothing to you”

You knew your words hurt him, but there was nothing you could say to take them back. You didn’t want to take them back.

You wiped your tears with the back of your hand and started walking back to the party, ready to ask an uber to drive you home.

Ashton didn’t follow, you knew he wouldn’t. And for the first time in years, you were glad he didn’t.

* (05:25 AM) Ashton Irwin: can we talk, please?

This number has been blocked from your contacts

* ‘Cause there were pages turned with the bridges burned Everything you lose is a step you take So make the friendship bracelets Take the moment and taste it You've got no reason to be afraid

28 years old

“You’re on your own kid, you always have been” You sang the last part of the acoustic set of your last album as the crowd went wild. You smiled at the small room, just a small acoustic session to start off the new era of songs about growth and finding yourself again after years of learning how to heal.

“There are many things in life that leave scars, things that we automatically assume about ourselves like muscle memory,” You said into the mic “For years we look for who to blame, and most of the time we carry that blame within ourselves and make ourselves believe that we are not worthy of beautiful things in the world. But I learned that even though these wounds and scars are mine, they don't own me as a person, they do not define me nor who I will become later in life. None of us are less deserving of love or the beautiful things in life just because we’ve struggled. And I-”

The words are stuck inside your throat for a moment, just a moment as your eyes make contact with the person standing in the corner of the room.

His arms are crossed over his chest, his smile is timid and a bit scared. But his eyes, although mature, kept that hazel glow that you’ve recognized anywhere. Even when years have passed.

“I will make my best to remind you how beautiful you all are” * * Tags: @iknowyouthinkimbulletproof @mystic-232 @talksoprettyjjx @theshyspy @hoodhoran @hoodharlow @littledrummeraussie @wastelandcth @bubblegum183 @irwin-fletcher-ash @wiiildflowerrr @in-a-world-of-fandoms @another-lonely-heart @aabc5sauce @in-superbloom @sadcupofcoffee @personalmuyverypersonal @vtte @as-hs-blog @himbohood @sofiaaraee @irwindoll @weasleytwinscumslut @fairytrice @colourfulcal @nibin0912 @hfkait @savagejane1 @youneedtocalumdown @pvnkcloud @ashtonsunflower @nicebasscalum @calumspupils @secretsicanthideanymore@alltimesos @wontlastimokwiththatt @cncoangelsss @whywontyoulovemecami @theimpossiblehologramtree @perriexed @abiancajg @rewmuslupin @icelily13 @bookthingz @lendeluxe

#ashton irwin #5 seconds of summer #5sos #suchalonelysunflower #ashton irwin angst #ashton irwin imagine #ashton irwin fanfic #ashton 5 seconds of summer #5 seconds of summer Ashton #ashton 5sos #you're on your own kid #Ashton angst #Ashton Irwin 5sos #Ashton Irwin #Ashton Irwin fantiction #5 seconds of summer fic #5 seconds of summer fanfiction #5 seconds of summer fanfic #5sos fanfic #5sos fic #5sos5

[wendydarlingfics]

Title: Wasted Heart Author: Liz Chapter: 8/? Word Count: 1,464 Rating: MA Genre: Romance, Angst Warnings: Language, Sexual Situations Summary: Avery and Luke were high school sweethearts who got engaged young, though, only a few months in she called everything off. Now a couple of years later thanks to Avery’s job they are brought back together. Though both have seemingly moved on, or at least it seems that way. Excerpt: She'd already had her first rebound.

Link: Chapter Eight

#5sos #5 seconds of summer #5sosff #5 seconds of summer fanfic #5 seconds of summer fanfiction #luke hemmings #luke hemmings fanfic #luke hemmings fanfiction #michael clifford #michael clifford fanfic #michael clifford fanfiction #ao3 #fanfic #fanfiction #fic: wasted heart

[valentiyne]

𝖺𝗉𝖺𝗋𝗍𝗆𝖾𝗇𝗍 716 ❀ 𝗅𝗎𝗄𝖾 𝗁𝖾𝗆𝗆𝗂𝗇𝗀𝗌

Luke Hemmings x Fem!Reader Summary: Paper-thin walls and numerous noise complaints.

FULL BOOK: MIDNIGHT | L.R.H Warnings: None! Slight swearing if you squint hard enough Word Count: 2.8k Copyright © 2023 Valentiyne. All rights reserved. This original work is not allowed to be reposted on any platform in any format.

.·:*¨༺ ༻¨*:·..·:*¨༺ ༻¨*:·..·:*¨༺ ༻¨*:·..·:*¨༺ ༻

Game Night was hosted every third Friday of the month. Cramped in the new tiny apartment, 7 friends and their significant others wound up on my shitty couch shouting nonsense at each other.

The living room consisted of the old couch, my TV on top of a cardboard box I hadn't quite unpacked yet, and numerous card games.

Holding the slip in my hand, I eye the timer in front of me on the makeshift coffee table My eyes scanned the paper quickly before jumping up and snapping my fingers, "Okay okay, it's born in the water but moves onto land when older."

My friends stare at me dumbfounded, their minds elsewhere as I furrow my brows and tap my feet numerous times. "Come on guys, it's what a tadpole turns into when it's older!" I'm practically yelling now, eyes darting between my friends sitting down and the tiny timer on the table.

"A baby turtle?"

"Andddd time"

I groan in annoyance, dropping the slip of paper while walking back to the spot on the couch, and plopping down with a huff.

"A baby turtle? Seriously?' I scoff, rolling my eyes at my friends who couldn't contain their laughter at my obvious annoyance.

"Okay I'll go nex-", My friend Abby was cut short by a knock on the door. It wasn't necessarily a pound, but it definitely made all of us go silent.

We all look at each other quickly, almost mentally counting everyone to make sure it wasn't an expected visitor.

I slide off the couch, my eyebrows raised for a moment before I walk towards the door. Standing on my tiptoes, I look through the peephole to see my next-door neighbor, Lucas, standing there with an annoyed expression painted on his face. I sigh and unlock the door, poking my head out with a smile.

"Are we too loud?", I ask with innocent eyes, my bottom lip tugged into my teeth as I speak quietly. Lucas gave a friendly smile, his eyebags hidden behind his eyeglasses as he turned to point at his door, "I know it's a Friday night but I'm really busy in the studio tonight... kind of hard to concentrate when there's a bunch of girls next door squealing over....?"

I finish the sentence for him, "If tadpoles are baby turtles." I rub the back of my neck shyly, laughing almost to myself.

"Right yeah, is there any way to keep it down just a tad?"

I give him a thumbs up before we part ways- him rubbing his eyes and kicking his door shut with his bare foot and me turning around and closing it softly. My friends all huddled up behind the door, eavesdropping on our conversation, and as soon as the door shut, they all squealed quietly.

"Oh my gosh! Y/n!", My friend Abby gushing, nudging me with her shoulder harshly. "You never told me you have huge chemistry with your neighbor?"

My eyes grow wide and my hands shoot up in defense, "Oh no- Lucas? He's just a neighbor"

All of my friends' eyes were on me now, and an awkward silence fell upon us. I give a mere shrug before walking back over to the coffee table to scoop up all the cards spawled across it.

"Game night at mine next time?", Abby asks from beside me, picking up the numerous cups with mysterious liquids in them with a disgusted look on her face.

I just nod in response, shoving the cards in their rightful places before sighing softly. We said our goodbyes with platonic kisses on the cheeks and dramatic waves before I was left alone in my apartment again.

It was cold, empty, and dead silent in here- completely opposite of the neighbor beside me I'd assume. My bedroom was similar to the living room- a tiny mattress rested on the floor and my toiletries were packed away in numerous boxes I was too lazy to unbox. My head hits the stiff pillow below me and I could hear Lucas in his bedroom strumming his guitar, humming to himself lowly.

It was a little after one o'clock in the morning, but he seemed to be wide awake singing.

"some things are meant to be secret and not to be heard"

It had officially been two weeks since the game night and two weeks since he came to my door. Lucas and I would occasionally make eye contact on the way to the mailboxes or even hold the elevator for one another- but not a single word was shared between us. He was always in his own world, his head bobbing to an imaginary beat inside his head.

Every night I could hear him singing to himself softly, the wall dividing our bedrooms was as thin as paper. The occasional groan and the sound of notebooks hitting the wall distracted me on nights I needed to sleep, but I never once said anything to him. He was a musician- and a very good one to say the least. I didn't want to be the annoying next-door neighbor.

I swing my door open, looking out into the hallway and scanning each door before finally averting my eyes to his own. The wrench in one hand was held on with a tight grip while the other hand carried the TV mount at my side. I could hear the sounds of various instruments being played from behind his door, his voice clearing every few moments to restart a lyric if it didn't sound right the first time.

The hand that held the wrench swung up, knocking on his door a few times before I took a step back and awkwardly looked around the hallway once again. The sounds from behind his door abruptly stopped and I could hear his heavy footsteps making their way towards the door now. Taking one more step back, I watched as Lucas opened the door and looked down at me,

"I'm sorry, am I being too loud?", He cheekily asked, a smile painted on his lips.

"No no, you're fine.", I laugh at his innocent teasing, quoting our most recent encounter. "I was actually coming over to see if you knew how to mount a TV", I poke my head around his figure and motion towards his apartment, "but seeing as you're busy-"

"I'm not busy." He corrects me, leaning inside his door to grab his keys before turning back towards me and grabbing the box from my hand. "Let me help you out, it'll take 10 minutes tops."

It didn't take 10 minutes. Hell, It didn't even take 30 minutes.

There Lucas and I both were, tools of various shapes and sizes sprawled out across my apartment floor and a cheap bottle of wine I found at the back of my fridge.

"Lucas are you sure you know how to-"

"It's Luke and yes, I know how to do this", he grumbles nonsense to himself as he flips through the instruction manual for the third time tonight. I sighed to myself slightly, trying to keep myself from laughing by taking a swig of the wine.

"Could always just use thumbtacks"

This makes Luke laugh, his eyebrows relaxing on his face and cheeks going bright red. He tosses the manual at me, and I put my hands up to defend myself.

"I'm pretty sure some thumbtacks couldnt hold a 35 pound Tv," He holds his stomach as he rolls around my floor, laughing loudly. I roll my eyes at this, groaning and tossing the screwdriver on the floor.

"Look, it's getting late. I'll just have you come over and do it another time.", I point towards the clock, which was held up with thumbtacks, that read two o'clock in the morning.

"Oh shit, sorry I totally spaced it," Luke stands up now, gathering up his tools quickly and giving me a crooked smile. "I'll swing by sometime this week to help you, I promise." I'm smiling now, shooing him out the door quickly.

"Yeah yeah see you later, rockstar", I tease and close the door abruptly, only to be stopped by a foot in the way.

"What are you doing tomorrow?", The way his eyes glimmered in the hallway light, his hair slicked back from sweat and cheeky dimples appeared as he smiled at me.

"I have finals tomorrow morning, and I'll probably be dead by the time its over- anytime after that I'm free.", I groan dramatically and push my palm into my forehead.

Luke just nods, freeing his foot from the doorway, and gives me a thumbs up, "I'll be sure to be quiet tonight so you can get your rest." I thank him kindly and give him a soft wave before closing the door behind him.

Luke was anything but quiet. I tossed and turned throughout the night, pushing the pillow closer to my ears as I heard him attempting to sing a lyric he wasn't even finished with. if there's one thing I've learned about him in the month and a half I've known him- he was a perfectionist. He sang the same things over and over countless times making sure it was absolutely perfect.

"Cause all these bodies are hoping to get addicted-"

I swing my arm up, smacking on the wall a couple times before groaning and letting it fall to my side once again. His side of the wall went silent immediately, the shuffling of papers and a small mumbled "sorry" was heard.

Luke had avoided me from that point forward: he didn't hold the elevator for me nor did he come and check his overflowing mailbox.

I found myself at his door once again, knocking in one swift movement before clearing my throat. I could hear him shuffling around his apartment, a loud thud followed by a "shit, one second!".

The door opens and a dripping-wet Luke is before me, a towel tightly wrapped around his waist. I blink a few times, holding my gaze above his shoulders out of respect.

"Why are you avoiding me", I ask in a monotone voice, cutting straight to the point. He raises his eyebrows at this now, one hand sassily on his hip.

"Who said I was avoiding you?", He chuckles lightly and opens the door wider, motioning for me to enter. My nose is filled with the smell of the oven baking something sweet mixed with his charcoal body wash. I step inside with a smile, closing the door behind me.

Luke wipes the water from his face and turns away from me, entering his bathroom for a split second, leaving me standing in his kitchen.

I glance around his living room: Pictures of his friends and family are hung up neatly on the wall, his instruments are laid out on the floor around his couch, and his bookshelf is overflowing with numerous copies of musical books.

He emerges from the bathroom once again, now clothed in a sweatshirt and basketball shorts and the towel that was once wrapped around his waist was now encased in his curls.

"I was just going to invite you over actually," He laughs again, flashing me his million-dollar smile before pointing at his dining table. It was decorated with a lace tablecloth, a small bouquet of flowers sitting in a glass-decorated vase, and a plate of steaming hot pasta was laid out. I smile to myself slightly, looking back up at him before taking my seat at the table, he rushes forward, scooting my chair in for me before taking his own seat across from me.

"What's the occasion?" I ask while picking up my fork, poking at the seafood pasta that was professionally plated. If you would've told me he hired a chef to make dinner- I would've believed you.

"I was loud on the night of your finals and I felt horrible knowing I kept you up all night", He picks up his napkin and places it neatly on his lap, "I wanted to make it up to you after I mounted your TV buttt you showed up a little early", He teases.

I take a bite of my food, groaning into the fork with a muffled giggle as my eyes look up at his. The food was amazing, and the flavor was intricately picked out to perfection.

Going back, this perfectly proved my point that Luke was a perfectionist.

We found small talk, conversing over what I was majoring in and what he was busy working on.

"So the album is almost done, I just need to finish this last song," He shrugs his shoulders and scrapes at the remains off his plate. I smile to myself, looking up now with innocent eyes, "Maybe I can help?"

He stands up abruptly, turning around and opening the oven to reveal the freshly baked brownies he had made- from scratch may I add. I groan in anticipation and rub my hands together dramatically. He grabs the brownies with oven mitts, turning around and facing me.

"If you want to help me, I'll allow it", he laughs and places the pan down gently and walks towards his living room, picking up a notebook that was previously thrown across the room.

"Here", he places it in front of me, removing my empty plate and walking

The notebook was written in barely eligible handwriting, with numerous words crossed out and mental notes scribbled on the sides.

Some things are meant to be secret and not to be heard so if I tell you, just keep it and don't say a word. when the doors are all closing.....It's bound to get ?? all these bodies are hoping to get addicted to

The rest of the page was scribbled out, lyrics that never made the cut. I snatch the pen from the metal spiral holding the pages together and click it once.

"it's bound to get.... loud?" I scribble it down next to the question marks and look up at him, scratching his chin with a nod. His cheeks were red now, the wine flushing through his body.

"What rhymes with loud?"

I look up at him now, as he scoots his chair right up next to me to the point our legs are touching.

"Cloud, hmmm,"

"Sound," we both say in unison.

Luke claps his hands together and grabs the pen from my hands, opening the notebook to a new page and scribbling down the new and improved lyrics. I watch him closely, the way his eyes twinkled and dimples poked through when he was concentrating.

I was so screwed. I was falling for my next door neighbor.

I didn't see him for another two weeks, his side of the wall seemed eerily vacant and completely silent. I even knocked a few times in hopes he'd knock back in some sort of rhythm, but there was no response.

Hearing the knock on my door shot my body out of bed, sweat dripping down my neck and sides. I groan and tap on my phone to check the time, blinding myself in the process. The pounding never stopped, not until I stumbled out of bed and opened my door. My heart skipped a beat, praying that the blonde would be on the other side with that cheeky smile I adored.

"Hello?", I ask in a groggy voice whilst rubbing my eyes and squinting up at the person who disturbed my slumber- at 2 a.m. may I add.

Instead of a person, I was met with an empty cold hallway. I avert my gaze down and towards my door mat. There, set up neatly was a bouquet of flowers with a note tied to the front with white lace.

I smile at myself and crouch down, picking up the thoughtful gift and looking down the hallway one last time before kicking my door shut.

Y/n,

I'm sorry I didn't see you before I left. Our album releases at 2:30am today and I was supposed to leave at 2... I just knew I had to leave you something on my way out. I hope you like the flowers I picked out my mom helped me.

I'd have probably sent you the link to the album by the time you finish reading this note.

I'm going to be all over the world, touring and doing what I love. I can't wait to be back home and see you again, i'll make sure to facetime every change I get.

love,

your rockstar

I could hear the familiar ringtone from my bedroom, alerting me that Luke was a man of his word. I wipe a few stray tears and make my way to the bedroom, snatching my phone up with my free hand and clicking the link he had sent me.

This is the song I spent the last 3 months working on, keeping you tossing and turning until finally you perfected it.

Mp3.ifwallscouldtalk.demo

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