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#Devon Bostick
fofolette · 8 months
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movies to watch before Oppenheimer for full comprehension rule
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turvi · 10 months
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Ypu said you wanna write for rodrick and I wanna request.
So rodrick with a good girl neighbour reader (think- gwen stacy type) and rodrick does all kinda stuff to impress her even at school so yea.
I'm a sucker for goofy! Himbo! Rodrick
Thank you for the request. I hope you enjoy this
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"BOYS! OUR NEW NEIGHBOURS ARE HERE!" Susan yelled and huffed when none of the boys responded to her call. Greg was busy filming Rowley trying to fall from his chair. Rodrick was in the basement and didn't hear his mam call out to him as he was drowned in the sounds of his drums.
A few minutes later, Rodrick finally comes up to drink water, only to see the new neighbours...most importantly, their daughter.
Rodrick didn't realise he had dropped his drumsticks on the floor until his mother was tugging him towards the living room and introduced him to the neighbours, the L/ns. And there she was with a sweet, gentle smile telling him her name.
"Hey, nice to meet you. I'm Y/n," she said, offering her hand.
Rodrick held her hand, not wanting to let go, but he had to since both his and her parents were watching them. "I-uh...I am Rodrick."
He scowled when he heard Greg snickering behind him. He wanted to hide so badly just because he couldn't tell his name to a pretty girl. But she doesn't laugh at him. She squeezed his hand, letting him know it was ok.
It was, at this moment, he wondered if it was too soon to ask her to marry him? He shook his head. He was being silly. Just because a girl was nice to him doesn't mean he should fall in love with her.
Then two days later, he heard knocking on the garage door. He sighed, thinking it was one of the upright elder people wanting him to keep the voice low. When he opened the garage door, he almost let it go when he saw Y/n standing there, the harsh sunlight pouring down his lawn.
He quickly let her in and introduced her to his bandmates, who were just beaming at the sight of Rodrick being awkward and shy around her.
"Hey, I was just walking by and heard you guys play. I was wondering if you could teach me how to play drums. I already talked to your mom."
His friend patted his shoulder. "Rodrick is our drummer. He is a great teacher too, he can teach you. Right, Rodrick?"
Rodrick got out of his daze when he heard his name. "Uh...yeah...yeah...I drum...drums" It was like he never learnt English in school, and Rodrick hated how he sounded.
"Ok, tell me when you are free. I'll come."
"Actually, we are leaving, so you guys can continue. It was nice meeting you." his friend winked at him, leaving the two alone. Rodrick knew he couldn't do much but look at her knowing his mom was peeping through the basement door. But he was just happy seeing her and talking to her.
He was happy they were bonding. He would teach her to play the drums. She would spellcheck his assignments. Rodrick knew she had a place in his heart when she would gently correct his spellings.
Slowly he loved holding her hands, her smile, her nose scrunch, the way she snorted before she laughed, and her soft sweaters that always smelled nice.
He didn't realise when he fell in love, or was he always in love? When he would go shopping with his family, he would spot things that he knew Y/n might like. He even saw a jewellery shop, and his heart dropped looking at the prices of the rings. But then, he had yet to win her heart. He was determined to buy this ring.
Of course, by the time he would be rich enough to buy the ring, he would already have your heart. But Rodrick didn't know he already had Y/n's heart, and she knew it was always going to be his.
@milivanili99 @cecekcecekceckceckceck @maneskai @isaentremundos @autumn3l3ctr0swings @mikulovingtrash
A/N: If you like this REBLOG AND COMMENT
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junocore3 · 2 months
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how i feel when i dont have a white boy to obsess over
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edit: holy shit yall, thanks for almost 800 likes/reposts 🫶
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rivercloak · 9 months
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so, you're telling me that big-time millionaire director christopher nolan knew löded diper but not one direction??? that's a win for music in my eyes
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brae-brae · 3 months
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RODRICK HEFFLEY X READER (SMUT)You know where I live, neighbor
rodrick heffley. your loud and annoying neighbor, not to mention, a total ass hat that just seems to LOVE harassing you at school. whether it's snarky remarks or "accidentally" bumping into you in the hall. but what happens when you see something you weren't meant to, through a window...
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(god hes so fooken cute)
Scrolling through TikTok, I suddenly had my ears invaded by the loud music of my neighbor. I rolled my eyes, throwing my blanket off of me and jumping off my bed. God, he does this like every other night. This is getting ridiculous. I try to keep my cool, but tonight? Is not the night. I’m sick of not saying something. This ends tonight. I walked over to my curtains and threw them to the side, opening my window. 
Just as I was about to yell at him I stopped in my tracks. There he was, Rodrick fucking Heffley, with his blaring music, laying on his back, cock in hand. I couldn’t stop staring. His legs shaking slightly, head thrown back, biting his lip, hips slightly bucking into his hands, everything. I felt like such a creep, especially when my thighs closed together, fuck. I was enjoying this… I shouldn’t be enjoying this, but I couldn’t help but watch, the sight of his mouth hanging open, his other hand wrapped around him, gripping the sheets, it was too much. 
I felt my thighs become wet as I rubbed them together for any friction. I couldn’t control myself. My hand slowly made its way down, rudding circles on my clit. I held onto the window sill, as I leaned back. I sat on my bed, legs spread slightly, as I inserted a finger pumping it inside of me. I gripped my bedsheet, adding another finder. God if only it were Rodrick doing this to me… I began quickening my pace, the thought of Rodrick over me, his hair in his face, sweaty, kissing my neck, god it was wrong but it felt so right. 
“Fuck, Rodrick…” I tried to be as quiet as I could, but I couldn’t help myself. I let a louder moan out as I added a third finger. Curving my fingers inside me, I could feel my abdomen tightened as I came undone. “Shit…” Out of breath, legs trembling, guilt washing over me. Just as I removed my fingers from myself, I heard a deep voice, almost a whimper, call my name. “S-shit Fuck! God Y/N!” my head shot up, looking out the window. 
Seeing Rodrick, head still thrown back, mouth even wider, legs shaking violently as he shoots cum all over his hand and stomach. His breathing is heavy, hand running through his hair while he licked his bottom lip. I quickly shut my window and curtains, turning my back to them. What the fuck did I just do. 
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The next day at school, I tried to avoid Rodrick at all costs. Normally, I would “avoid” him, hoping to have some interaction with him. Now? No, never. Even my friends started to notice. Anytime they tried to ask me, I would try to play it off as not enough sleep. As the bell rang for lunch, I stayed in my last class as long as possible, hoping Rodrick wouldn’t be in the halls. As I saw the last few people in the hall, I walked to my locker. As I was putting my books and grabbing my lunch, an arm came crashing down next to me. 
Looking up, I felt my face go red. “Hey, darling, I have a question,” he said with a smirk. Trying not to react to the name. I tried to play it off, rolling my eyes. “Don’t call me that. And what? This better be important” I said with my arms crossed. He looked at me up and down, then cooing me, crossing his arms as well. “Have fun last night?” my face dropped, going pale. He just laughed, clapping his hands together. “Oh god! Your face! Ha!” he cackled. I looked around, embarrassed. “I-I don’t know what you’re talking about..” I looked away. His face lent down to mine, that shit-eating smirk, toying at his lips. “Yeah, I think you do.” he looked at my lips and back at my eyes. I rolled my eyes and slammed my locker, causing him to jump. “Nope!” I turned on my heel and began walking away. He grabbed my wrist, turning me around to look at him. “Then why don’t I remind you..” he bent down to my ear and whispered the words he had said last night, “God Y/N..” he chuckled and looked me in the eyes. My face had regained its color and then some. “Shut up!” I whisper-yelled, “I don’t need the whole school to know!” he threw his head back laughing, holding his stomach. “You know,” he paused, and leaned on a locker, “you should come over later… to my place” he winked. “You know where I live, neighbor.” he walked away, saluting me as I stood there in complete shock. 
Like I would ever even consider that! What an asshole! 
I turned and shot him a look. “9 o’clock! If you don’t answer, I leave!”
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steve-needs-a-hug · 8 months
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Oppenheimer reviews that made me genuinely laugh out loud
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sunnysoulzz · 6 months
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Hey sunnyyyyy😋can we get the girl next door crush trope with Rodrick heffley headcannons
I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THIS IS BUT FUCK YEAH
(I’m ngl- I’m very uncultured I had to look up what the girl next door trope was) (also this made me realise idk how to make headcanons)
Contains: rodrick Heffley x f!reader, nsfw, reader and rodrick are neighbours and childhood friends lol, more rodrick accidentally perving on reader, smut under the cut!
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You and Rodrick had been friends since childhood. you were neighbours. When you were little you used to always play together, he had a habit of being a bully sometimes.
As you grew up you stayed friends, not as close as you were when you were little, but still close. When he’d get mad at his dad or something, he’d come to your house. He’d talk about music, school, girls he had a crush on. You’d just smile and listen.
He never really saw you as ‘dateable’. You were always just his close friend who he’d go to for comfort, and when he needed someone to talk to.
The two of you would drive around in his van, listening to music, or get snacks together. He’d always tell you about songs his band was working on.
He’s the kind to make you a mixtape of your favourite songs, you face felt hot after he handed it to you.
He definitely throws his arm over your shoulder when he’s walking with you
One day one of your neighbours had a party, your family and rodricks family were both invited. You wore a short skirt and a cute top. That was the first time Rodrick really saw you as a woman. He couldn’t keep his eyes off you, he has a goofy smile as he tried to act cool, his ears tinted red.
After that he realised how much he liked you, even before this, when he would adamantly refuse that he liked you, he definitely did. He’d always try to make you laugh, he thought the way you talked was cute, he’d try to impress you when he played drums, and way more embarrassing stuff he doesn’t want to admit.
Rodrick having a crush on you would 100% mean he’d invite you to every practice and the few places that let his band play. He’d call you his personal roadie lol.
He’d sneak out of the house at night to go to yours, he’d say it was because he was pissed off about something, but really he just wanted to see you.
You’d bring him to your room, trying not to wake your parents, even though they were used to rodrick coming over at random times by now. You talked about hearing a song he would’ve liked, humming the song softly. He immediately blushed, not just because he liked hearing your voice, but also because you thought of him.
You loved how dorky he was, even though he tried to act cool, he really wasn’t.
He never planned to confess, he didn’t want to ruin the friendship and was hoping the crush would just die down overtime, it didn’t. He was talking about you to his friends, yet again, when you showed up at his house unannounced and caught him talking about everything he loves about you. He has never been more embarrassed. He tried to pretend he was talking about another girl while he friends just exchanged knowing glances.
He definitely accidentally perved on you on when you were getting out of the shower.
Rodrick thought you were innocent, he hadn’t seen you bring any guys over, at least none he thought you were hooking up with. And since he’s a virgin too, he really wanted his first time to be with you.
He definitely thinks about you whenever he jerks off :]
You know that whole trope of “accidentally looking though a girls window when she’s changing”? That happened. You both stared at eachother for a few seconds before you felt your face grow hot. You quickly covered your chest and closed the curtains. He popped a boner real fast.
I’m all out of brain juice 😭 I’m so sorry, I have no idea what this trope is, so I hope this works 🫶🫶 if it doesn’t, I’ll rewrite it fr LOLL but my requests are always open 😼
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TikTok decided to show me an edit of an actor I had a crush on 10 years ago and I have now respiralled into the gaping chasm that is my love for Devon Bostick AKA Mr I’m in a band and wear eyeliner Rodrick Heffley himself.
I’ve never mentioned him (because I forgot) during the entire time I’ve had TikTok yet it somewhat broke into my brain and decided to unlock some seriously far back memories
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8 year old me had TASTE
And also thought she could pull an 18 year old but we’re not gonna focus on that
I’m once again simping for this gorgeous eyeliner wearing man TikTok how could you
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dark-vader28 · 2 months
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New Girl
pairing: rodrick heffley x fem!reader
summary: Reader and her family are new in town, the heffleys invite them over for dinner as a welcome, blah blah blah, rodrick offers to give reader a drum lesson and makes a fool of himself doing everything in his power to impress you
warnings: swearing? tooth-rotting fluff. pls this is my first fic so im sorry if this is terrible, not rlly proofread
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Your family had just moved in to Plainview, settled in a cozy home on the corner of the street. Once summer ended, you’d attend Crossland High School as a senior while your younger brother, Jake, would be starting 7th grade at Westmore Middle School. You dreaded school, even in the years you lived in your hometown, surrounded by your friends. Now that you were the new girl, you were sure it’d be all the more worse.
Your younger brother, Jake, on the other hand, made company so easy and made it seem like starting a conversation was as easy as knowing your own name. Sure, he wasn’t very popular, but he never went a year without a new friend or even a whole new group. You were sure he’d already be making friends on the walk to school.
While you were staring at your packed bag that you refused to unpack, in denial that your family had really moved, when the doorbell rang, echoing through the still house. Your attention was diverted and you snuck out your room, quietly walking to the railing by the stairs where you could have a clear view of the front door. You crouched down, hoping you wouldn’t be seen as you watched your mother strut to the door. The door swung open and there was a friendly smile waiting behind, holding some tupperware in her arms.
You were watching and listening, hardly moving or even breathing as they talked. The woman at the door, whose name you heard was Susan Heffley, was welcoming your family to Plainview. You heard them suggest a dinner this weekend so they could meet each other’s families; your mother had mentioned yours and your brother’s age which coincidentally were the same as the Heffleys. You let out a groan as your mom agreed to the dinner.
Mrs. Heffley left a few moments later, wishing your mother another welcome with a gentle smile before walking out the door. Surely she seemed nice but having to attend to dinner with a family you didn’t know was a long dreaded thought of yours.
The rest of the week seemed to go slow as you anticipated the inevitable dinner. You were also attempting to accept the fact that you were truly stuck in Plainview now unless you decided to move out and away when you turned 18, but you knew the thought was pointless considering it meant you’d have to be prepared by then.
When Saturday rolled around, you had finally unpacked your bag, trying to be a little more positive about living here. But that was a lie. Truth was your mom hounded you about living out of a suitcase and told you off for not unpacking. Not wanting to get in any more trouble, you hurriedly unpacked that night, throwing a pair of jeans and some shirt on your bed in the process for you to wear to dinner.
It was 5:50 and you were scrambling to finish up the last of your makeup and hair. If there was one thing your dad hated, it was being late, and you would likely be the cause of it. You had postponed getting ready for so long, procrastinating until there were few minutes to spare. You weren’t sure why you cared so much about your appearance, assuming that you would never talk to that family after tonight.
Jake’s fist pounded on your bathroom door, causing you to jump from the unexpected burst of noise. You nearly burnt yourself with the straightener you were holding. You quickly set it down and swung the door open. You were ready to scold your younger brother but he spoke before you.
“Mom and Dad said we’re leaving now, why aren’t you ready?” he asked. You rolled your eyes and pushed him away from the door, closing it.
“Just one more minute!” you shouted from the other side of the door. He knocked on the door a few more times and when you refused to answer, he gave up, grumbling something under his breath as he ran down the stairs.
A minute turned into two, then three, and then it was 5:59 and your dad was knocking on the door. You turned off the straightener and unplugged it, checking your reflection one last time before hurrying out the bathroom.
Considering how close your houses were, your family walked to the Heffley’s house. Right before the clock turned 6:01, your family was at the door, ringing the bell. You heard a few hushed murmurs from the other side of the door before the same familiar face that had come to your house before swung open the door.
Mrs. Heffley welcomed you in, closing the door behind you. A man, who you could only assume was Mr. Heffley, stood next to Mrs. Heffley, extending out a hand towards your father, then your mother.
“Frank Heffley,” the man introduced, smiling politely. He shook your hand and then Jake’s as Mrs. Heffley introduced herself and the littlest brother, Manny, that she held in her arms.
Then, bounding down the stairs comes a boy, somewhere between 11-13. He comes to a stop next to Mrs. Heffley and wears a nervous smile.
“And his is my second eldest son, Greg,” Mrs. Heffley beams. One after another, you all shake his hand, introducing yourselves. “Greg, you and Jake are both in seventh grade so maybe you’ll make good friends,” Mrs. Heffley comments. Jake smiles a little and Greg is hesitant to return the smile, unsure if he likes your brother.
Mrs. Heffley turns to Greg, whispering something private to him while your father exchanges pleasantries with his father, earning a warm smile from your mother. Greg shrugged at whatever Mrs. Heffley had said to him and she frowned.
It wasn’t long before another set of footsteps came running down the steps, this time a tall boy with dark, messed and fluffed up hair, wearing some graphic tee tucked only in the front behind a pair of dark jeans. He looked your age and from the conversation you had overheard earlier that week, you knew he was your age. But… what did that matter? You had no intent on talking to this family again.
“And this is Rodrick,” Mrs. Heffley introduced, not sounding nearly as enthusiastic as she had been when introducing Greg and Manny. The smile she wore seemed fake as she glared and Rodrick and nudged him. He looked confused, shooting her a look before he noticed my father’s outstretched hand. He shook my parents’ hands as we were all introduced once more, thankfully for the last time. You seemed to catch Rodrick’s eye, and your name was the only one he seemed to remember. He repeated your name in his head, making sure it stuck in his memory. The other names faded from his mind as your families walked to the dining table. A few extra chairs had been added to fit your family, which sat on one side as the Heffley family sat on the other. You faced Rodrick with Jake on your right and your mother on your left. This was already the longest evening of your time in Plainview.
Mrs. Heffley was bringing a plate of food as your fathers chatted away. Rodrick, Greg, and Jake were quick to pile heaping amounts onto their plates. You were the last to go for food, not expecting to eat much since you didn’t have much of an appetite that night.
The parent side of the table was lively, laughter filling the air while it was nothing but the tap or light scrape of the metal forks against the plate on your side of the table. Jake didn’t seem to mind, happily eating away at his food, nearly to the point of asking for seconds. You had picked at the homemade food, taking a few bites ever so often. It smelt amazing, almost giving you your appetite back.
But the worst part of the night wasn’t how they were strangers you were having dinner with, or how empty and silent your half of the table was, but rather how you kept finding Rodrick’s eyes. They were awkward glances where you’d both be caught looking at one another and you’d both avert your gaze as quickly as it had been found. It kickstarted your heart every time, sending a wave of embarrassment flooding through you which was shown through in the heat rising to your face. You were praying someone on your end of the table would feel the silence and ease the tension but with every glance you and Rodrick stole, the atmosphere felt heavier.
The buzz from the other side of the table faded, leaving a few painful moments of entire silence before your dad spoke, speaking to Rodrick this time.
“Was that your van outside?” your dad inquired, hoping to spark up a conversation after noticing the deafening silence.
Rodrick stole another look at you on his way to address your father. He nodded, shifting in his seat a little. The silence was beginning to make its dreaded reappearance and in a desperate attempt to prevent it, you foolishly decided to keep the conversation rolling.
“What’s the name painted on it?” you asked, and Rodrick’s eyes had quickly fallen away from your father to meet you.
“Löded Diper, the name of my band,” Rodrick replied proudly. You attempted to repress a smile. The name was ridiculous and it had you holding back a laugh but something about the confidence and the happiness in his tone made you forget the name and brought a grin to your lips.
“A band, huh? What do you play?” you questioned, shifting in your seat, leaning forward so your attention was nowhere but him. His lips curved up into a smile as his movement mimicked yours, facing you. You could see Susan and your mom smile at each other, gushing at how suddenly you and Rodrick were getting along.
“Drums,” he answered, and the other conversations resumed from the parent side of the table. Greg and Jake were silently watching you and Rodrick talk, both shocked that you had even acknowledged him. Jake knew you weren’t one to engage like this upon first meeting someone, especially not with someone like Rodrick. And Greg was sure you were way out of Rodrick’s league, whether it was from a relationship or even friendship standpoint. Greg and Jake seemed to read each other’s minds and started talking, filling the once silent half of the room with chatter.
“I always wanted to learn drums,” you commented sheepishly, breaking the eye contact you had been holding. He seemed to light up at that, sitting up a little taller.
“I could teach you,” he blurted out, rather loudly. Everyone seemed to glance at him for a moment before ignoring it and resuming their conversations. You found his gaze again and a smile crept on your lips.
“Really?” you asked. He nodded, and your smile curved into a smirk. “Well, of course, you’d have to been good at drums to teach somebody. Prove you’re any good and maybe then you can teach me.” He paused for a moment before he chuckled, leaning back in his chair as his once awkward demeanor became cocky.
“No no no, i’d be doing you a favour. And i don’t need to prove anything. I’m a great drummer. Right, Greg?” Rodrick asked, hitting Greg on the chest. Greg hadn’t been paying attention but held his chest where he had been hit as he nodded, agreeing to whatever Rodrick had asked. “See?” You rolled your eyes, your bottom lip slipping between your teeth to hide your smile.
“The poor kid is terrified of you,” you chuckled. You turned to Greg this time. “Don’t take any of his shit.” Greg smiled brightly and Rodrick seemed flustered that you hadn’t taken his side.
“Oh, come on, I’ve never done anything to him,” Rodrick defended. He wasn’t a great liar. You glanced at Rodrick before looking back at Greg, raising your eyebrows.
“Is he telling the truth?” you asked. Greg shot a look at Rodrick before laughing and shaking his head. You giggled. Rodrick’s face was turning red and he shoved Greg again.
“Dude! Deny, deny, deny!” Rodrick pestered, pushing Greg. Another laughter escaped your lips.
“So you admit you were lying!” Rodrick froze, his face dropping.
With the exception of Rod, your side of the table was in a fit of laughter. The other side had stilled, admiring how well you seemed to be getting along despite Rodrick being the butt of the joke. He’d felt embarrassed for a moment but hearing your laughter had a bright grin spreading across his face which eventually broke out into laughter. Your stomach and face started to hurt from laughing for too long and you let a few desperate pants as you leaned back in your seat, arms wrapped around your stomach.
Over an hour had passed and your families couldn’t have been getting along better. Greg and Rodrick had told you endless amounts of stories. You learned about The Cheese Touch and the thought of it made you gag, imagining that moldy cheese sitting on the dirty hot blacktop for years.
You asked Rodrick about his band, which he went on and on about until Greg told him to can it. Rodrick might’ve hit him again if Mrs. Heffley hadn’t glanced over at them and scolded Rodrick.
Nearing the end of your time with the Heffleys, you hesitantly asked Rodrick if he was serious about the drum lesson. Sure, your reason was purely because you had always wanted to learn how to play but it seemed as the night went on, your reason was slipping to wanting to see Rodrick again. You didn’t want to have to wait until summer’s end to be with him. He didn’t seem like the greatest influence and you were already sure your parents weren’t too fond of him, but something about him had you drawn towards him like a moth to light.
The Heffleys were escorting your family to the door, chatter still in the air, when you turned to Rodrick. You swallowed the lump in your throat and prayed your voice would come out normal.
“So… about that drum lesson,” you started, not meeting his eyes, but you still saw the smile tug at the corner of his lips.
“Tomorrow?” he suggested quickly, stopping to face you. You looked up, your brow slightly furrowed. “O-or another day. I mean-” He was blabbering, trying not to sound eager or desperate and a grin stretched across your lips.
“Tomorrow sounds great,” you replied. He relaxed, smiling a little.
“Yeah, yeah, cool,” he mumbled, pretending to sound uninterested. You pushed him gently and he couldn’t hide the smile. You rolled your eyes at him, a light laugh falling from your lips. That sound would be stuck in his brain all night as he lied awake, admiring you and feeling like he had dreamed you up cause he wasn’t sure someone like you could be real.
Your family said their goodbyes to the Heffleys as the four of you walked out the door. You headed home, unable to lose the smile of excitement as you thought about your plans for tomorrow. You were so distracted in your thoughts that you hadn’t noticed your parents talking to you until your brother nudged you to snap you out of your daze.
“Are you alright?” your mom asked worriedly, putting a comforting hand on your shoulder. You flashed her a smile and nodded. “Well, how was your night then? Did you like them?” Then to your father, “I thought they were nice, don’t you think?” Then back to you. “How was Rodrick? I was a little worried he was a bad influence.” If you hadn’t stepped in, your mom might’ve pestered with you questions until the end of the night.
“It was fun. I had a good time,” you reassured. She smiled as you reached your front steps.
When you finally got back to your room, you reveled in the once dreaded house that seemed like a punishment. You were now filled with anticipation, wishing it would be Sunday already so you’d get to see Rodrick again. Your mind hadn’t decided what was so endearing about him. Maybe it was his desperate, miserable attempts to impress you that made you nearly giggle like a school girl or his dark shaggy hair that fell in messy strands. But you didn’t let yourself think about that for too long, saving yourself from falling down that rabbit hole.
As the cool air from your open window filled the room and the pale moonlight danced across your skin, you were coaxed into sleep, smiling as you thought about your night.
Maybe Plainview wasn’t as bad as you had believed it to be.
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a/n: well… first fic ig. i’m sorry if this is complete shit. i just felt like i should post something after having this account for 6 months and posting nothing. there are a few requests in my inbox that i do intend on getting to at some point i promise, im just a little slow with all of this 😭 let me know what you think and if you want more of these!
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lavendercill · 2 months
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FINISHED!!!!!
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behindthescreamz · 3 months
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excerpts from the “saw vi” feature in fangoria magazine issue #288 (nov 2009)
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elvisalltheway101 · 3 months
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•••••••Bounce to the Beat••••••
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summary: Rodrick using his new drumsticks for another purpose.
author’s note: I kinda like this new “succinct and short” format! But of course I’ll ask how would like it for a request. Mwah, enjoy! I’m slowly writing everything out of my drafts. And to those who have requested and such, I’m almost done, darlings!
warnings: fingering, eating out, using drumstick as sex toy, female reader….yup.
•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
Rodrick invited you over to show off his new drumstick and to show his new skills, but in your position now…it is totally different than what you came for.
Here you were, Rodrick on his knees below you, as he ravishes your pussy. You let out soft gasps when the tips of his index and middle finger prod and rub against your entrance. You prop yourself on your elbows and whine. “Rodrick, stop teasing. Please”
He then pulls away with a smirk and lets out an airy laugh. I chew on my bottom lip and glances into your eyes. “Y/n I-I actually wanted to try something…cool.”
When he turns his back and ruffles though his mess on the garage floor, he pulls out his new box that has polished, expensive bamboo drumsticks inside. You raise a brow and hum, “you gonna show me a new beat thingy in the middle of this?” You can’t help but let out a small giggle, and let your head fall back.
He snorts and rolls his eyes playfully, scooting on his knees back to you. His eyes trail from your pretty face to your glistening, pink and wet heat. He gulps and shrugs, blushing scarlet. “N-no…I uh, instead of my fingers. Maybe…my new drumsticks? We don’t have to but I just. Uh, it just popped into my head.” He scratches the back of his head awkwardly and looks off to the floor.
You’re unsure about this. Raising your head up to see the new sticks in his hand already, and down to your needy pussy. Sure you’ve stuck your fingers or his inside of yourself. But an item? It’s new, but you’re too aroused to say no.
When you agree, he gets right to work. Latching onto your puffy clit with such hunger, and tapping your sticky lower lips with the ball tip of his drumstick. Your eyes flutter close and when he expertly grazes his teeth to tongue at your sensitive little bud. He then slips the stick with ease and your eyes roll to the back of your skull. It’s a delicious sensation and your hand flies to tangle your fingers into your hair.
“R-Rodrick, oh fuck! It- so, ah.” Little whimpers and pretty moans escape your lips as he continues to lap up at your pussy lips, pulling away some times to watch his drumstick sink and be engulfed into your vagina. He palms himself through his boxers, going back and moaning into your cunt, pressing the stick faster and it only fuels to your orgasm.
letting out a high gasp, your juices run down his stick and to his fingers. He pulls away with your slick on his chin and he only looks down while pulling the messy and wet-coated drumstick out.
“well at least there’s another purpose for drumsticks than drumming, huh?”
•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
Author’s note: hope you enjoyed!
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turvi · 8 months
Note
Yo what about just sittin on Rodrick’s lap as he discusses stuff with the band
Thanks for the request
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Rodrick munched on the snacks that he stole borrowed from Greg's secret stash that he shared with his friends as they lounged on the living room couch, Evanescence playing on his tv.
His friend Adam mumbled. "Rodrick, will we get famous like that?" Rodrick looked up at the tv as he finally got time free from munching snacks.
"Adam, I can see it. In 10 years, people will fly from all over the world just to see us perform. We will do actual world tours." His friends looked at him, smiling as he continued.
Rodrick stood on his couch. "We will tour South America, Europe, and Asia." His friends cheered, but a particular cheer caught his attention. He turned around to see his girl Y/n clapping for him. He leapt over the couch, picked her up without effort, and twirled her around. "And you, my sweet girl, will manage our band."
Y/n put her hand on her chest. "It will be an honour, rockstar."
Rodrick couldn't help but blush. He loved it when Y/n would take pride in his music and would talk about it with her friends. He thanked his lucky stars that he found her.
"You got real quiet there. What are you thinking?" Y/n whispered as she fixed his hair.
"I am so lucky that you love me. You have always supported me, always been so kind to me. Although you can get annoying when I don't shower." He cupped her face, dodging her fingers as she tried to tickle him.
"Come on, sit with me, doll. Watch as history happens." Rodrick tugged her to where he was sitting with his friends. They all greeted her with a smile and went back to suggesting titles for their songs. He smirked when she sat on his lap, pecking her cheek as he started discussing song titles with his friends.
................................................................................
Y/n suddenly woke up and realised it had got dark outside. She looked around and realised she was still sitting on Rodrick's lap. She looked up and smiled as her heart was filled with love as she saw him sleeping peacefully.
She started to get up, but Rodrick's grip on her waist tightened. Y/n pinched his nose as a smirk spread on his lips. Why didn't you wake me up?"
"Greg is at Rowley's home, and Mom and Dad have taken Manny to Grandma's home. It's just you and me at home right now," he smirked as he wrapped her arms around her waist.
"What are you planning?" Y/n asked as the back of her finger brushed his cheek.
"Just stay with me. We don't have to do anything. I just want to hold you." His chocolate-brown eyes looked at her, pleading for her to stay.
Y/n nodded. "Ok. I'll stay, and you can rant about Greg all you want."
She felt like she fell more in love with him as his face lightened up and he held her closer to him. Y/n heard him taking a deep breath as she laid her head on his chest.
She looked up at him. "Is something bothering you?"
Rodrick's eyes widened. It always took him by surprise how she always took him by surprise how she would know how he really felt. He sighed, trying to find the correct words to say.
"I made pretty big promises in front of my friends. But what if we don't fulfil those promises."
Y/n realised he was getting insecure. "Now, it's not just your dream to do a world tour, Rodrick. It's your goal. It's one of your biggest goals. Take one step at a time. Do your shows locally, get a professional manager, and keep working on your music...there are so many things to do, Rodrick, and you have just started. So please don't give up." she kissed him as she held his hand, letting him know she was there for him.
Rodrick broke the kiss. He needed to see her, to take her beauty in. "I don't deserve you." He breathlessly mumbled against her lips before kissing her again. "I love you so much." he peppered kisses all over her face. He had to let her know how much he loved her.
"And I love you too, rockstar." Y/n kissed him back as a promise to be with him through thick and thin.
A/N: I know I am late sorry. I got busy anyways I hope you like it. REBLOGS AND COMMENTS ARE APPRECIATED.
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goatcheesecak3 · 6 months
Note
I'm so excited you're taking requests, AHH! Could you possibly write some hcs for cuddling w/ Rodrick :0
I would absolutely love to write this, thank you for the idea! And thank you for being my first ever request :^)
Without further ado, here's my headcanons for cuddling with Rodrick, enjoy!
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He likes it when you lay on his chest while watching a film, he always jokes that he's your pillow and you're his blanket.
He likes it even more when he's laying on your chest, nuzzling his face into you just to be as close as humanly possible. In all honesty, sometimes it feels like he's trying to burrow into your skin.
He's very needy, while he lays on your chest he'll often whinge and say things like "if you really loved me you'd be playing with my hair right now", and if you stop he whines and sleepily pulls your hand back to his head.
Sometimes he likes to be the little spoon, pressing his back into your chest as much as he can, because once again, even when you're as close as humanly possible it's never close enough for him.
When he's the little spoon you lean over and give him lots of little kisses on his cheek and in the crook of his neck, causing him to let out happy little sleepy hums.
He likes for you to be the little spoon most of the time, not because he's being assertive or protective or anything, but because he loves treating you as his teddy bear. He holds you incredibly tight- maybe even too tight sometimes- and if you have to get up for whatever reason he pouts and whines until you go back.
His constant need for cuddles isn't limited to when you're behind closed doors. When you're hanging out with his friends after band practice he always makes sure you're sat on his lap, his arms hugging round your waist and his head leaning on your shoulder.
Sometimes he lets himself get so clingy that it's almost a pain (but he's too cute for you to be mad at him). When you're cooking sometimes he'll come into the kitchen and hug you from behind, watching curiously as you cook and asking lots of questions - and nearly getting both of you burnt in the process because he's completely oblivious to hot pans and stoves.
Sometimes he likes to snuggle up next you, clinging onto one of your arms like a teddy. When he feels bored or like he hasn't got enough attention for a while he'll playfully bite your arm, which you know is your cue to start giving him affection. "Aw come here my handsome man" patting your chest for him to snuggle up closer.
He falls asleep on you all the time, and he snores and mumbles in his sleep. If he isn't laying on your arms sometimes you take your phone and record it to embarass him with later, although secretly you find it adorable.
That's all I got for now! I really hope you enjoyed, and I hope I did my first ever request some justice :^)
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breckstonevailskier · 4 months
Text
Fargo (1996) vs. Fargo (season 5 episode 1)
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disaster-writer · 1 year
Text
Teenage Dirtbag (Part 1/2)
Pairing: Rodrick Heffley x Reader
Summary: You and Rodrick Heffley grew up right next door to each other. You’re best friends and nothing could ever change that… at least that’s what you’ve always thought.
Rating: R 18+
Word count: 5k
A/N: I do not have a taglist
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Suburbia.
Middle class, overwhelmingly white, everybody knows your name, suburbia.
You hated it, you were making a run for it once you graduated and you were going to make it big time.
That is, if you could just survive your annoying little brother until then—
“Give it back you little turd—“
”Mom said no more name calling!” Your eleven year old brother giggled as he ran opposite of you around the dining room table. He held your toaster waffle in his grimy little hands. 
”I don’t give a shit— you’re gonna make me late!” You ran left and he ran right, swiftly evading you.
”What? Afraid your boyfriend is gonna ditch you and make you walk to school!” He practically cackled.
”Rodricks not my— ughh, just give me my breakfast you shit!” You leapt across the table, making your brother squeal like a little girl.
”(Y/N),” your mother suddenly hissed, entering the kitchen, “What did I say about name calling?”
”He stole my breakfast,” you threw back, laying across the table.
”David give your sister her waffle back. And both of you, go over to the Heffley’s already, Susan’s doing me a favor by driving you to school David, don’t keep her waiting.” Your mother said pointedly, her heels clipping against the linoleum floor as she moved about the kitchen to get her coffee brewed before heading off to work.
She continued talking but as your eyes landed back on your brother, her voice suspiciously morphed into the teachers voice from the peanuts.
Your brothers eyes landed on you as well, your waffle held in the air. Both your eyes darting back and forth to the breakfast food. That was until he daringly put the waffle in his mouth and took a bite.
That’s fucking it—
“You know what mom?” You suddenly jumped off the table, sounding chipper, “Rodrick said that he could give David a ride to school instead.”
”What?” your brother asked apprehensively, suddenly shaking in his shoes at your words.
”Huh? Really?” She asked surprised, turning to look at you, “Rodrick Heffley said he’d drive your brother to school?” She clearly wasn’t buying it. After years and years of seeing that boy hang around you, she knew he wasn’t handing out favors.
”Yeah, really.” You grinned, your gaze suddenly snapping to your brother and pinning him to the spot. A threat and a promise hanging in the air.
”Well… tell him I said thank you then. And honey, don’t you think you went a little heavy on the eyeliner today— what did you do to your jeans!” She then hissed in horror at the gaping holes in the knees of your pants.
”Leave me alone, it’s cool,” you scoffed and walked around the table, grabbing your brothers arm tight and dragging him out of the kitchen. 
“You’re joking— Rodrick doesn’t even have backseats—“ your brother panicked behind you.
”I know. Maybe think twice about whose waffle you decide to eat.” The two of you grabbed your backpacks before you opened and slammed the front door behind you.
“This is a cruel and unusual punishment— you can go to jail for this—“
”Can it idiot,” you snapped, dragging your brother to the house right next door. The house that belonged to the Heffleys.
You knocked on their front door before letting yourself in. It was practically your second home at this point and Susan told you not to even bother waiting for someone to answer the door. 
You pushed him forward before letting yourself in.
“Hi Susan, Hi Frank,” you called out, not bothering to greet them properly before bounding up the stairs and letting your brother wander around on his own in search of Greg. You heard muffled responses from the kitchen.
Once on the second floor you headed straight for the attic staircase, taking two at a time before finding the lump under the bedsheets you were looking for.
Now it was time for your favorite game.
You made your way over to Rodricks bed, grabbing two drumsticks on the way. You weren’t even trying to be quiet, floorboards creaking loudly under your feet.
Soon you stood above him, a devious grin painted on your face at how peaceful he looked in his sleep.
Time to ruin that.
You took both drumsticks and carefully stuck each of them up his nose, giggling quietly as you managed to get them to stay stuck in his nose. You then quickly took out your phone and started taking as many pictures of him as you could before he woke up.
Rodrick sniffled, trying to breathe past the objects obstructing his airway. You giggled harder watching as his nostrils twitched and flared and soon his whole face was screwed up in discomfort.
You burst out loudly in a fit of laughter, doubling over as he shot out of bed in a panic, the drumsticks falling out of his nose with gravity.
His groggy mind took a second to grasp the situation, but once it did he was quickly reaching out for you.
”You little—“
You yelped as his arms wrapped around your waist and he pulled you down against the bed with him. You struggled in his grasp, still laughing as he pinned you against his chest. 
“Let. Go.” You wheezed through your laughter.
”Delete those photos!”
You continued to struggle in his grasp before he suddenly let go, causing you to fall off the bed with a grunt.
You blinked, staring up at the ceiling until Rodricks head popped over the side of his bed. His eyes narrowing.
”Stealing my look?”
You scoffed, “You don’t own eyeliner Heffley— by the way, you have to drive my brother to school today.”
”What? Why?” He complained, eyes following you as you stood up and plopped yourself right on his bed.
”I need to teach the little shit a lesson.”
”And you had to drag me into it,” he flopped backwards onto his bed.
“Coming from the guy that drags me into nearly every stupid idea he has.”
”You come willingly,” he said, pointing at you with a drumstick.
”Sure I do. Now get dressed so we can go,” you jumped to your feet, sprinting back down the stairs, whatever he said next falling on deaf ears.
You made your way back down stairs and into the kitchen where the rest of the Heffley’s, plus your brother, were gathered.
You sat yourself down and kicked your feet up on the breakfast table, reaching over for a pop tart that sat out on the table.
”Mornin’” you greeted through a mouthful of food.
”Morning…” Frank trailed off, staring at your feet propped up right next to him. The newspaper in his hand forgotten.
”Honey, you know what I’ve said about feet on the table.”
You sighed, pulling your feet off and sitting cross legged on the chair instead. “Sorry.”
”That’s alright and uh… you look nice?”
”Thanks,” you grinned.
”Yeah, the makeup is a bold choice,” Greg muttered sarcastically, making your brother laugh.
You narrowed your eyes and shut the both of them up. Greg had always gotten on your nerves the same way your little brother did.
”Rodrick said he’d drive Greg and David to school so you don’t have to.”
”He is?” Susan questioned. However, her shock quickly turned into excitement, “And he suggested this himself?”
”Sure did,” you grinned, taking another bite of your pop tart.
”Why would he do that?” Greg asked.
”Maybe your brother’s turning a new coin, don’t stop him from growing as a person.”
Suddenly, all six of you heard a shriek, your heads whipping towards the staircase as Rodrick stomped down the stairs.
”Mom! What did you do to my pants!?” He exclaimed, running into the kitchen, lifting a leg and pointing to the matter at hand.
Your gaze followed where he directed and you had to stifle a laugh. 
For some reason, the rips in his jeans were patched with baby pink fabric.
”Oh, I fixed them for you,” Susan grinned, satisfied with herself. “They were torn to shreds so I patched them up.”
Rodrick stared at his mother with wide eyes, completely at a loss for how to respond, “I ripped them on purpose. And why did you use pink!” You bit down on your lip to keep from laughing, as his voice was becoming squeaky with frustration.
Susan rolled her eyes with a shake of her head, “Honestly Rodrick, I do you a favor and you only complain about it. Why would you rip your jeans in the first place? So you can look sloppy at school?”
”He wants to trick people into thinking he’s a famous rockstar,” you threw in. “I told him it was a stupid idea and that he was wasting the hard earned money you spend on his clothes by tearing them up but he just wouldn’t listen to reason,” you shrugged.
”Wha— It was your idea!” 
“I have no idea what you’re talking abou— ahh,” you yelped as Rodrick charged forward and grabbed your leg, lifting it above the table and practically knocking you off the chair. Manny suddenly clapping with all the commotion.
”See! You did it too,” he pointed to the giant rips at the knees in your jeans, “She’s lying mom, she helped me rip them—“
”Okay, enough,” Susan said sharply, “She’s not my child so I can’t scold her. And it’s already— 7:45,” She suddenly gasped, seeing how late it was, “Will you all get ready so you’re not late to school.”
”Fine. Where are my other jeans?” Rodrick asked, dropping your leg and making you grunt.
”In the wash. I checked all your other pairs for tears and they all smelled so I’m washing them now. You’re lucky I set aside a pair for you this morning.”
”You’re saying, I have to go to school in these?” Rodrick asked, pointing at the monstrosity in question.
”Yes. Maybe next time you’ll think twice before ruining your clothes. Now all of you go.”
You sighed, getting up from your seat and slinging your backpack over your shoulder, your pop tart still in hand.
You glanced down at Rodrick’s jeans again and scoffed out another laugh, before passing him.
”Gimme that,” Rodrick scoffed right back, snatching your pop tart and shoving it in his mouth.
”Hey— that was mine!”
”I don’t care, traitor,” Rodrick’s words muffled by the pop tart, “C’mon turd nuggets,” he yelled over his shoulder to the middle schoolers, who nervously followed you two.
”Calm down already. I’ll help you rip the patches off,” you rolled your eyes, pulling the front door open with him suddenly pushing you forward.
The younger kids shut the door behind all of you.
”I can’t with those two,” Susan sighed. “All these years and I still can’t figure out if they’re good or bad influences on each other.”
”Well, anyone that can keep Rodrick from sleeping straight through an entire day is good in my books,” Frank said, placing his newspaper down, and taking a sip of his coffee. 
“… You’re sure you don’t think they’re in a relationship?” Susan asked, making Frank sigh.
“We’ve been over this honey. Rodrick’s too… he’s not…” Frank tried to select the words carefully as to not say out loud that he thought his son was dumb as a box of rocks. “I just don’t think he’d be able to keep a secret like that.”
”Yeah… you’re right I guess. They just— they seem to be,” Susan glanced at her youngest son, choosin her own words carefully now, “Very comfortable with each other.”
Frank looked up in thought, thinking about how close the two of you seemed… how much closer the two of you seemed after this summer specifically…. Even more specifically after a certain vacation you guys went on with your friends back in July. “You don’t think they’ve…”
Susan raised her eyebrows and shrugged.
”No— no, they couldn’t have.”
”I don’t know Frank. I’m just saying it’s something we should look out for. You know how teenagers are.”
Frank swallowed nervously at the thought of mini Rodricks running around the house.
If you had to choose, this was probably your favorite pastime. Riding around in the Löded Diper van, screaming Guns N Roses at the top of yours and Rodricks terrible voices, all the while tormenting your little brothers in the back.
Nothing beats this.
“Welcome to the jungle!— stop moving! I’m gonna stab you!” You yelled over the music as your head was practically in Rodricks lap as you tried to rip up the patches from his jeans… which wasn’t exactly a good look for either of you if anyone decided to look in.
”I’m trying!” He yelled back, “I can’t when I’m driving— stop pushing on my leg, you’re gonna make me hit the car in front of us.”
”You want these patches off or what?”
Rodrick just grunted in response, slamming on the breaks at a red light.
Your brothers’ screams in the back were like music to both of your ears.
“We’re gonna die,” David panted as both him and Greg finally stopped flying around the back of the van.
”I know,” Greg responded. “Why do we get stuck with these two as our siblings— I know someone whose brother takes him out for ice cream after school every Friday.”
”With our luck Rodrick and (Y/N) will get married one day and then we’ll never be able to get rid of them.”
”Ew— ahh!” Greg’s nose screwed up in disgust at the idea of you two marrying each other, right before being jolted backwards as Rodrick slammed on the gas.
A few more minutes of driving and you all came to another rough stop, the music clicking off. “Get out losers,” Rodrick yelled behind him, lifting his leg so you could get a better angle at ripping the threads.
”But we’re not at school,” Greg said, peering out the back window.
”You both have two legs. Walk,” You answered back, throwing a pink patch behind your seats.
”You two just wanna make out, don’t you,” Your brother spat.
You and Rodrick instinctively looked at each other, faces screwed up in disgust.
”Ew,” he hissed.
”As if,” you scoffed, “Now go before I kick your ass.”
You managed to rip off the rest of the patches before school started, his jeans once again looking like the distressed mess you both created in the first place. And you only got away with one stab to his leg, and a little bit of blood but he didn’t need to know about that part.
Parking the van, you both stumbled out, making your way to the building for another day full of napping through lessons.
And hey, you were only twenty minutes late today.
You truly didn’t understand why you and the rest of your friends even bothered with school at this point. You weren’t sure a single one of you got through an entire day without skipping or falling asleep in at least one class and you all just copied off of others homework.
Those friends, being the rest of the members of Löded Diper… you didn’t have many girlfriends, for some reason they thought it was weird you hung out around these guys so much. But you didn’t care, you were all going to be famous after high school. You were only a roadie and supporter of the band but that wasn’t going to stop you from becoming famous.
Before you knew it, this fine Friday was over and you and the band would be free for the entire weekend to screw around like usual.
By 3:10 you were climbing into the passenger side of Rodrick’s van once again. Rodrick in the drivers seat and the rest of the guys in the back.
As if on cue, an arm was thrown around the back of your seat and a head popped between you and Rodrick. 
“Hello beautiful,” Ben greeted, leaning forward to place a kiss on your cheek only to be stopped by your hand against his face.
”Hi Ben,” you grinned, “And how was your day?”
”Good,” he mumbled against your hand, picking his lips against your palm in a weak kiss.
”Enough,” Rodrick said, pushing his friend into the back by the shoulder.
”I’m impressed,” you said, seeing all three of them there, “Not a single one of us got detention today.”
”No, I did,” Chris said, “I’m just skipping.”
”Nice,” the rest of you nodded.
With that Rodrick put the van into drive and sped out of the school’s parking lot.
Unlike your little brothers, Ben, Chris, and eventually Bill once you picked him up, actually knew how to have fun. They all laughed and cheered as they were being thrown around the van instead of whining like a bunch of babies.
Finally making it into the garage of the Heffley’s house you found yourself making yourself comfortable on the couch in the garage as Löded Diper began their rehearsal, cheering for them as they all played.
The other thing about the suburbs was when you were stuck in high school and you lived in the suburbs, the monotony of it all took quite the toll on you. There was nothing to keep you occupied, no way to have fun, which was why you and Rodrick were usually left to your own devices and had to find the fun somewhere else.
You would include the other guys as you were all together for the most part, but living right next door to the Heffleys and not only that, being able to see into each other’s rooms, you and Rodrick did tend to spend most of your time together. Because even when you weren’t allowed to see each other due to being grounded or whatnot, you still both snuck each other into the other’s room just to hang out.
Huh… you were starting to see why your brother was convinced you two were dating.
And maybe you would if you were Heather or Rodrick was… literally anybody else.
It was an hour into rehearsal already, you bopped your head along with the atrocious music, singing their awful lyrics to yourself.
That was until Susan came in.
”Rodrick,” she tried, but they kept playing, “Rodrick,” she tried again, this time effectively getting all of you to shut up. “I need to talk to you inside. Now.”
”Oooh,” you instigated, quickly shutting up when Susan shot you a look.
Rodrick stood up, walking around the drumset, “Go ahead and talk. We’re a band,” he came to a stop in front of his mom, “We have no secrets.”
”Okay, fine.” She then pulled out a magazine from behind her back and held it in front of her. Your eyes nearly popped out of your head at the dirty magazine she found.
Rodrick was stunned, “Tha—“ he pointed at the magazine, “That’s not mine,” he was wavering, you could tell.
”Well, it was in your backpack—“
”No, it was in my room.”
Idiot.
“Does owning this magazine make you a better person?” 
It looked like it was time for a lecture.
“No.”
”Did it make you more popular at school?”
“Yes,” Rodrick nodded, looking around at all of you before his eyes landed back on his mom and he realized that that was in fact the wrong answer, “No.” he quickly took back.
“How do you feel about,” she took a step forward, “Having owned this, type of magazine?”
Rodrick thought for a second, “… Ashamed,” he grinned.
”Nice,” Chris cheered.
Susan nodded, her grip so tight on the magazine that you were sure she’d rip it any second. She took another step forward, face to face with her son, “Do you have anything you want to say,” she placed a hand over her heart, “To women. For having owned this offensive magazine?”
Rodrick stared down at his mom, struggling for words.
“I’m sorry, women.”
The rest of the guys started clapping for Rodrick until Susan pinned them with a sharp look, making them stop.
”And I want you to apologize to (Y/N).”
Rodrick scoffed, glancing at you on the couch before looking back at his mom, “Why?”
”Why?” Susan asked, affronted, “Because she is a beautiful young woman that you consider a friend. Owning this magazine is offensive to girls like her.”
”Um… I don’t really care Susan—“ you quickly shut your mouth as she shot you another look.
”Yeah but (Y/N) isn’t like a woman woman,” Rodrick said.
“Excuse me?” Susan hissed.
”Y’know what I mean,” he was starting to flounder again, “She-she’s not like the women in the magazine…” he trailed off.
”What? Just because she isn’t taking naked photos on motorcycles, you don’t consider her a woman?”
”I wouldn’t be opposed to that,” Ben suddenly tried to joke, making you roll your eyes.
Susan ignored him, watching as Rodrick really didn’t know the answer to these questions anymore. “Uh— yes— no. I don’t know, she’s just (Y/N)—“
”Apologize,” she cut him off sharply.
Rodrick then shuffled his way to you, standing in front of your seated form, “I’m sorry for owning that magazine (Y/N).”
“And,” Susan snapped.
”And for not seeing you as a woman…?” He glanced back at his mom to make sure he said the right thing but was only met with an eye roll.
”I forgive you,” you played along, “And don’t worry. I don’t see you as a man,” you grinned sharply as the others all cheered at your diss.
“You’re grounded for two weeks,” Susan said, she was so angry her voice was shaking. She then swiftly turned around and began to stalk out of the garage.
”Ok settle down Susan. I think one week is plenty!”
She quickly turned back around on her heel, “Make it four weeks and I’m gonna need the keys to your van!”
”My van?”
”Yes. Your van. And I want all of you out of here in an hour.” With that she turned around and left the garage.
”I’m gonna become a stripper just to spite you Heffley,” you grunted in annoyance at his whole woman comment about you.
”Yes! I support you (Y/N)!” Ben cheered. 
“Yeah that’ll show me,” Rodrick grumbled, “Let’s just get one more song in.” With that he seated himself behind his drum set and the boys practiced for some more.
“I bet you feel pretty stupid now for owning that magazine,” you called out, sitting on the roof just outside your window, staring up at Rodrick as he leaned out his window.
”I don’t even know how she found it,” he practically whined. “I hid it under my bed, and she never checks there anymore after The Thing she found under there.”
”Oh right, that.” You shivered at the memory of what you and Rodrick now called ‘The Thing’ that may have been alive at one point under his bed. “Did she take your keys yet.”
”Yeah.”
”Are you banned from driving to school too?”
”I’m banned from driving anywhere. That includes your car.”
”Shit.” You hissed. That meant you’d have to drive the two of you to school instead and you weren’t exactly comfortable behind the wheel yet.
A comfortable silence filled the air between you two, and you sighed, basking in the cooling air as the sun was setting.
”Y’know Heather Hills asked about you today.”
”Really?”
”No,” you laughed. He always fell for that.
He frowned, ”Yeah well, Nick asked about you today.”
”Really?”
”No,” he laughed loudly.
Oh right. You always fell for that too.
”Asshole.”
”Bitch.”
“I’m gonna tell your mother you’re not being very respectful towards women again.”
”Then have fun driving me to school for two months instead of one.”
”Whatever,” you grumbled under your breath. “Are we still hanging out tomorrow or are you taking the grounding thing seriously this time.”
”We can hang,” he grumbled gnawing at a hangnail now. “Y’know it was probably my stupid brother that told her.”
”Maybe it was. He likes sneaking into your room doesn’t he.”
”Yeah…. Yeah,” Rodrick’s eyes lit up as he seemed to realize something, “That little—“ Rodrick quickly took off after that, leaving you to laugh at the entire situation by yourself.
People often wonder why me and Rodrick aren’t a couple. And I always tell them that I grew up with him. I see him nearly 24/7. He’s usually the first person I talk to in the morning. We have breakfast together, go to school together, we even share a bunch of the same classes. We usually even get detention together. We also torture our brothers together.
And what am I supposed to do after school when I’m bored and alone at home? Well I’d just have to go over to my best friends house that I’ve already seen all day anyway, because what else am I supposed to do? And what? Am I just not supposed to hang out with him and the other guys when they come over to rehearse. We even used to have sleepovers a lot when we were younger, but ever since high school our parents banned us from those. I think they’re scared we’re gonna fuck or something.
As if.
Rodrick’s more like a brother to me I think. I mean, I see him just as much if not more than my own brother anyway.
So of course I wouldn’t fuck him. You don’t fuck your brother bcuz ew.
Anyway… today Rodrick got grounded today because his mom found one of his dirty magazines. I was pretty sure Greg was to blame and turns out I was right, Rodrick texted me like ten minutes ago that Greg stole his stash and was holding them as black mail. But Rodrick managed to get him to give them back. So much for Greg’s plan I guess.
And now I’m just writing in here, sitting on the bathroom floor, naked in a towel. I just took a shower and I’m being too lazy to get dressed right now… I’m blasting some Metallica right now and damn they’re good. Too bad Löded Diper doesn’t sound like them. At least they got passion I guess.
Anyway… I guess I should stop being lazy and actually get dressed. 
You slammed your diary shut, shaking out your cramped writing hand. 
You stood up, not bothering to take the towel with you and just abandoning it on your bathroom floor along with your diary. You sang softly along to Master of Puppets playing in your bedroom, nodding your head along to the beat.
You shoved your bathroom door open, the music in your bedroom louder now as you swayed along to it. 
You bounded over to your dresser, leaving damp foot prints in your carpet. You jumped over the blood stain on your rug. You had Rodrick to thank for that one after he cracked a bat over your head, thinking you were Greg instead… the entire week after that was a blur.
You pulled open your underwear drawer with the one good knob, the knob missing on the other side of the drawer was thanks to your brother crashing into your dresser one day.
You pulled out a pair and shimmied them up your legs as you continued to dance along with the music.
Now however, there was a full concert on blast in your head. It took you a while to find the discarded T-shirt you usually slept in, especially with the distraction of the music playing but eventually you found it rolled up in your comforter as usual. And finally as the song ended you pulled on the Löded Diper t-shirt Rodrick made for you.
However, what you saw quickly got rid of the good mood you were in. Because once your head popped through the hole, you made direct eye contact with Rodrick Heffley through your windows.
You forgot to close your fucking blinds.
He was in shock… you were in shock. His jaw hung open, eyes popping out of his head.
The next thing that happened you were sure the entire neighborhood heard as you and Rodrick both screamed at the top of your lungs. He ran straight out of his room and you ran straight for the blinds that you quickly shut.
Your best friend just saw you butt ass naked.
Extra:
Frank walked into his bedroom, ready to settle down for the night after a long night of painting his Civil War figurines. 
As he began unbuttoning his button down, he had found his wife already in bed with a magazine in hand.
Everything seemed as usual… that was until he did a double take of the magazine in her hands.
”Uh… Honey?” He asked carefully, approaching her side of the bed. “Whatcha reading?”
“I found this in Rodrick’s backpack today,” she huffed, clearly still angry with her son.
”Okay… is there a reason you’re ‘reading’ it then?”
She looked up at her husband. “I was about to toss it out when I realized some of the pages were dog eared, so like any concerned mother I decided to take a look at what exactly my son is looking at so often that he has to dog ear it.”
”Right, yeah. Cause that’s… rational,” Frank spoke hesitantly.
”And look!” She opened one of the pages that were dog eared and showed Frank a two page spread of some naked woman. Frank quickly panicked and looked up at the ceiling.
“Uh huh?” He nodded.
”Frank, tell me who this girl looks like.”
Frank glanced back down carefully at the pages, before his eyes widened in realization. He yanked the magazine from her hands.
”She— That’s (Y/N)!” He realized in horror that his son was actively searching for naked women that looked like his best friend, whether or not he was aware of that, Frank didn’t know. 
Suddenly saying it out loud sent a shiver down both their spines and Frank quickly shut the magazine. They both agreed that was enough for tonight.
But the vision of the mini Rodricks was becoming more and more vivid by the second.
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