This time I'll fill my apartment with furniture and books and wine glasses. I'll buy fresh flowers weekly and cook only breakfast and on the weekends. I'll go for walks and wake up and mediate in the am. I'll put on soft music after lunch and nap. I'll buy that ice sphere mold for my iced coffee and marble coasters and a full length mirror. I'll lie on the floor and have the sun shine on me. I'll lie on my stomach and read and annotate books for new friends. This time when my friend comes down to the city, I'll invite her over. I'll cook her a home cooked meal the way she did for me in a city I was struggling to feel at home. This time I will not deny myself of basic necessities and even luxuries because why else do I subscribe to the nine to five rat race but to also benefit from capitalism. In whatever marginal way I can. This time I will buy an oven and go to the cake materials store and buy everything I need to make cakes and brownies and bread. I will allow myself to fail at the first and second and even third attempt. This time I will have a bed and a bedside table. This time I will make nooks and corners. This time I will buy a rug. This time I will decide to stay. This time I will not fear uncertainty. This time I will make a writing space for myself. I will fix my typewriter. I will go for ukulele lessons. I will find a pool and a park and a pizza place. I will step out. This time I will rely on myself while building a support circle to also reach out to. This time I will not cry alone. This time I will not make love with my misery. I will not marinate in my intrusive thoughts. This time I will allow home to hold space for me. For those I love. For those I want to get to know. This time I will make it mine.
Phew! Finally! My Remix of A Cyber's World from DELTARUNE Chapter 2 releases tomorrow for Cyber Monday !!!
Pre-save it here! https://distrokid.com/hyperfollow/mesmerist/a-cybers-world-from-deltarune-4
I want to live somewhere green, somewhere where no one knows my sins. I want a charcoal grey house with creeping vines that come up the side. I want big widows and a skylight in the bedroom. A kitchen that overlooks the backyard garden, with a big oak tree to hang a hammock from, just for me. I want a weeping willow tree to protect the front of the house just as it did in my childhood home. I want a chimney with red bricks and a red front door. I want a balcony, a library that catches sunlight and moonlight as if they lay in the ceiling. And I want long billowy curtains that blow in the breeze in the middle of the night. Can someone hear me? That’s what I want. That’s my price for everything. I think I’m owed at least that from myself.