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docholligay · 5 years

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“Alles gute zum geburtstag woche” from my wife and me!! For our creative ask: We’ve been kind of obsessed with Silver Millennium Senshi designs lately. What are your thoughts on what their armor, fighting style, and social status was during this time?

The original pass of this was twice as long and included all the senshi but I lost it near the end and got really frustrated SO.

I always love playing around with the Silver Millenium, and the ways that it all worked, and the ways that the ripples of whatever those Senshi were long ago are contained in the power that lives inside our girls now, and how they feel the rippling effects of those creatures inside them today.

I go pretty hard on the idea that the Moon Kingdom was a conquering entity, and that it brought the Sol System under its heel, and so the planets were expected to send a princess each in tribute and to remind them of who held all the cards. The princesses were meant to protect the one true princess, to give their lives if able and asked, and there was never a Sailor Moon because the moon never raised its own weapon.

But weirdly, I guess I don’t think much about the armor. The aesthetics of all that aren’t super important to me. If I had to say, and I guess what I do think when I get down to it, is that they look very similar to the senshi uniforms now, with a tweak here or there, but I think it’s very important for me that they all have that quality of sameness, changed only in color. The color is there so the queen and princess can identify them quickly, but other than that, they are soldiers and they are interchangeable. I don’t think a quality of individuality was ever anywhere on the Moon’s mind. In the same way, when the princesses are brought to the Kingdom, they are stripped of their names, only Venus, Mars, Neptune ever after, representatives of their planet.

Venus is the leader, and she is shrewd and she is as warlike as the rest of her planet. After they were crushed by the moon, there was still the question of which was the superior: Mars of Venus. Venus bested MArs in combat, and the Venusians ripped uniforms from the fallen Martians, using the scraps to tie up their sweaty, dirty hair,k a part of Venusian costume to this day, that Mars might never forget its place. The Moon Family was so delighted that the daughter of Venus would ever after be the leader of the princess’ guardians.

Venus herself does not even remember what name she had before being Venus, if she ever had one at all. She has been honed like the blade she carries, Zweihander across her back, from her very first memories. She is harsh and she is rigid, and, like most of the people of her plenty, she has a unique gift for sensing emotions and memories, a bit of color on the very edge of a person, and using it to twist into their soul. She has no tolerance for fools, or for dissent, and she will crush it when she sees it.

Mina has the hardest time dealing with that small shard of Venus inside her. Not only does she remember what Venus was better than most–Mako and Haruka are lucky that their entire experience of the past seems to be “the Moon Kingdom existed”–and so she knows that bent of cruelty and of ferocity that lurks inside of her, feels that bloodthirsty howl as she barks an order in battle. She has to press it down, the entire point of this cycle is to be better, to take something twisted and make it good, make it worthwhile. She fights for this.

Mars does not look at Venus the way the other girls do–with respect and fear–but with envy and desire, knowing that she could be leader, that she could bring her planet to glory, of only given the chance. She is petty and vainglorious, seeking the spotlight for herself whether she wants the thing in question or not. As long as she can be best, it does not matter. She is petty and backbiting and angry, and her hope, when she helps the princess see her prince, is that it will be remembered when she ascends to power, and Venus will be placed beneath her.

On this subject, her archery is most important. She is uncommonly skilled with a bow, and often the queen has her show her talents in an exhibition of her daughter’s protectors when there are dignitaries visiting from outside the Sol System. There is something about the reach of it that pleases Mars, something about the ways he can be nowhere near an enemy and fell them immediately, the look in their eyes, searching for their killer, as they die.

Rei knows of Mars, but it is with a strange sense of disconnect. She sees what Mars did, and sees the way Mars may sneak out in her, from time to time, and yet it is as if she’s reading a book, something totally passive to her, and whether this is control over Mars or undaunted hubris, even Rei herself could not say.

Neptune is from a planet of assassins, known for this as Jupiter is known for fine wovens or Uranus is known for its flowered pottery. She is a creature of the shadows and the silence, and she brings death to the privacy and warmth of a bedchamber or a dining hall with a smile on her face. Venus does not trust her, and never will, and Neptune seems fine with this. She does not need Venus leadership, and toys on the edge of what Venus will tolerate from her, knowing that her exceptional skill gives her leave that no other planet can match. Mars is short sighted. Jupiter is careless. Uranus is a coward. What does she have to fear from any of them?

Her weapon is her dagger and buckler, and she moves in perfect quiet as she creeps to a neck, the last thing anyone ever hears the soft ringing of the steel next to their ear, and she smiles as that cold silence after the heart stops fills the room.

Michiru is, like Mina and Rei, quite cognizant of everything that happened in the Silver Millenium, and she thinks it so much the better that they agree not to speak of it. When Haruka wonders if Uranus ever loved Neptune, Michiru does not say that she has seen Neptunes’ disgust at Uranus’ softness. When Haruka says its like a Senshi to be brave, Michiru does not tell her Uranus was executed for cowardice.

And Neptune was always an opportunist. She remembers who let the Earth in the gate.

Uranus remembers her name, remembers it so well, and begs anyone to use it. Tinia, she says, my name is Tinia, and catches Venus’ backhand for her trouble. Uranus is a planet of peace and of softness and being raised there, Uranus could only ever be that. The Moon is a cold and hard world and there is no tolerance for the kind of planet that lolls about on its side. She finds herself friendless and lonely but for a few brief caresses shared with Jupiter, who seems to have one foot in and one foot out of this world.

Uranus has a sword, though it would be bold to say she ever uses it, even in training drills so unused to the thrill of combat. When the Moon Kingdom falls, she cowers, and Venus runs her through for her cowardice. For daring to be a weak soldier.

Haruka knows nothing of any of this, and is much the happier for it. It takes years after they have been fighters to know that anyone knew much at all, and by then she no longer cares what the past said, for she’s made her own future.

#Maybe later I'll do the others #its-decido #Hollibirth Gala #Birthday writing day

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docholligay · 5 years

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I love the implication of this, that for the first time, Utena is REALLY meeting her, not her as the rose bride, not her as a witch, but just Anthy as Anthy. At the end of the first arc, when we saw Anthy in her coffin, she was in her rose bride outfit, but here is naked, she is stripped of all the ideas of what she should be and simply herself, and AS the barest version of herself, she recognizes Utena. She calls to her. She cries for her.

Please note, I haven’t seen the movie in its entirety, the musical, or the manga, and don’t want any spoilers at all! Please don’t clarify, confirm, deny, or otherwise hint at things that happen in those!

#Hollibirth Gala #Doc watches Utena #Episode 39 rewatch

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docholligay · 5 years

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And we hear her as the voice of a child until the last bit, because she has in some way become the prince, now she is the one opening the coffin and drawing a girl out from inside, and so symbolically she is going back and saving herself, through Anthy. She has become the person she needed when she was a child, and she can be that to someone else now.

#Hollibirth Gala #Doc watches Utena #Episode 39 rewatch

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docholligay · 5 years

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So I pretty much have decided that I think Anthy knew exactly what was going to happen to Utena if she took her hand. If Anthy took Utena’s hand, she would be free, and Utena would be the prince, and she would take the punishment of the world’s hatred for everything she ever tried to do. And that’s not a criticism of her, she tries several times to get Utena to fucking leave and not be impaled by an entire sword army.

But the real thing I puzzle over here is, did Utena know? I don’t think she cared either way--she sure as shit did not ask a clarifying question about the swords and what Anthy was so afraid of--but I wonder if she somehow knew. I’m tempted to say no because I dunno that I still think Anime!Utena is god’s most observant human being, but she did literalyl hear Akio say that if there was no Anthy, the prince would have to take the swords. So she may have, I wouldn’t have any trouble seeing that.

And the ore she knows, the better this is, because Anthy is basically offering to sacrifice herself again for a “prince” she loves, and this time, the “prince” is saying no. I won’t let you do that. My bitch ass got me here and I will bear the consequences of every belief that has taken be up to now, and you won’t.

And THAT IDEA, I love.

#Hollibirth Gala #Doc watches Utena #Episode 39 rewatch #It might be why Anthy goes #oh wow I am worth something #later Akio

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docholligay · 5 years

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HaruMichi, "you don't have to stay"

Part of the Talismans rewrite! 1700 words, the entire series is here. I hope you enjoy!

You die, and then you don’t. This was not an understanding Michiru had of the natural order of things, but like so many things in Michiru Kaioh’s life, and death, resurrection had been forced upon her, however she might have felt about it. She died on the stone floor of a half-constructed cathedral, and she woke up in her own bed, with Haruka beside her, and while in many stories this might have been the happy ending, in many stories there was not a quietly stewing butch lesbian sitting at the end of the bed, glowering as she gingerly pulled on an old tshirt, wincing a little as she raised her arm.

Recovery had been slow, from death, for the both of them. Still there was a dull ache behind Michiru’s breastbone, tender to the touch, though if you had asked her she might have quite melodramatically said it was caused as much by Haruka’s cold nature as it was the force of having their vital essence ripped from their bodies.

But Haruka had recovered. She could rise, and dress herself, and feed herself, and so she was packing the small duffel of things that had stayed in the apartment during her convalescence. She had barely spoken to Michiru in the past two weeks. Michiru had hope, once, when Haruka was first coming back to the world, still barely conscious, and reached out for Michiru’s hand, mumbling her name softly. Her eyes had opened, sleepily, still that beautiful wash of grey Michiru saw in all of her dreams, and she had looked at Michiru with love in her eyes.

“You saved me.” She’d mumbled.

No, she had thought, even then, for you died as well, and I cannot bear to ask you how it happened. But I tried, my Haruka. I tried with everything I had in me, and every way I knew how.

As Haruka’s body had healed, the scar had seemed to form over her heart, her face pulling into a scowl, her smile saved only for Mina, and Usagi, and even Mako, once, but never for Michiru.

And now she sat at the end of Michiru’s bed, leaving again.

Michiru Kaioh did not consider herself to be a good person. It had been easy to be cruel to Haruka, she had known where to place the knife between her ribs, she had known to make Haruka hate her, how to stoke that fire until it blazed and blazed even against the torrential rain, she had known that if only she could make Haruka want her dead, Haruka would live.

It hadn’t worked. It hadn’t worked because Haruka was good. It hadn’t worked, because Haruka was the sort of woman who would rescue the maiden even if the maiden told her she was stupid, or low, or that she would never know a royal touch. It hadn’t worked because Haruka was the sort of woman Michiru could never deserve.

Michiru did not deserve her, but Michiru was selfish, and Michiru wanted the things she wanted, and so she stood at the edge of the bed, and spoke.

“Haruka.” There was a waver in her voice that puzzled even her, as if she could not grasp the weight of her own fear.

Haruka looked up at her noncommittally. “Yeah?”

“Are you absolutely certain you’d like to return to your apartment? I have so much room here–”

Haruka shook her head. “I’m not gonna play the same game, Michiru.” She pulled at her shirt, taking her watch from the chest at the end of the bed, the cheap one Michiru had not bought her, “You’ll just do it again.”

Michiru sat down next to her. “I think it fair to say that this experience might have changed things between us.”

Haruka’s eyes were cold. “It didn’t make me any smarter or snootier, and we know that’s the problem.”

Michiru sighed and closed her eyes, trying to channel every ounce of patience within her. “I was cruel.”

“Yeah,” Haruka nodded aggressively, “ and I’m pretty stupid, you’re right, but I’m not so stupid I’ll stay here and get…fucked with again.” She reached over for her sweater, a little too quickly, and shuddered at the pain of it.

“Please stop speaking of yourself in that manner,” Her voice was soft, “and please have a care, you are still healing.”

Haruka gave a mirthless chuckle. “I can’t fucking deal with this anymore. I’m going home. To my low-class apartment, with my bad education, and my scuffed shoes, and my shitty food.”

“Haruka, you perfect little fool,” she huffed, ignoring the pain of it, annoyed, “I was lying. Mea culpa, mea maxima culpa. Have you not discerned all of this, quite yet? Do you imagine that I only just realized you come from a different world than I? That if it were to be a problem for my heart, I might have divined that sooner?”

Haruka popped to her feet, angier now still, and growled. “What the fuck do you mean?”

“What I mean to say is–”

“You know what?” Haruka waved her off, “I don’t care. I don’t–”

Many things in life had been forced upon Michiru Kaioh. She had been a trilingual preschooler whose playtime hours were filled with violin and painting and manners. She had been made a soldier for some unknown thing, which now seemed to be the protection of a girl Michiru had best known for crying into Rei’s shoulder and feeding doughnuts to squirrels. She had cut out her own heart to save Haruka’s life, only to find that Haruka’s death was just another thing she was required to swallow, with great grace and fine composure.

She was quite tired of it all.

“No!” Michiru stood up and stepped into Haruka’s face, her voice ice and fire all at once, volume raised higher than Haruka had ever heard. “I saw your death in my visions. I saw it every single day, that you would die protecting me. That no matter how I moved the pieces, the only way you would live is if you chose not to come for me. I love you! I could not watch you die, do not ask me, I cannot bear it! I will not! Not even for you.”

It hurt, to yell. It felt good, to hurt.

Haruka bit her lip. “That isn’t true. You’re lying.”

Michiru laughed. “We are soldiers in a vast intergalactic war of magic, but that I love you is what you find so unbelievable? Ask Rei, she rather knows the tale whether she wishes to be a part of it all or not.”

For a moment, anger left Haruka’s face and was replaced by a brief sadness. Sadness that she hadn’t realized, sadness that Michiru had hurt herself in hurting Haruka, sadness that none of it had worked after all. Sadness at some ineffable fact Michiru did not know, and could not touch.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

Michiru closed her eyes and gave her head a soft shake. “My love, please do not insult us both by telling me you might have listened. If I had told you,” Her voice took on a false merriness.“Oh my love, I have foreseen your death, and the only way to prevent it is to allow me to fight this battle alone, with roughly seventy to one odds that I will be killed in the attempt,’ you would have ignored me entirely. Your gallantry would not have allowed it.” She touched Haruka’s cheek, “Your gallantry did not allow it when you hated me.”

Haruka took a step back from her, clouds passing through her eyes, sunlight and shadow reflected as each thought turned one over the other. Then she closed her eyes, balled her fists, and slammed one down atop the chest of drawers.

“You should have let me choose!”

The force of the impact rippled through her, and she gave a little gasp as it came to her sternum, doubling her over as she gripped at her chest. Remembering how her heart was removed, reminded that it was put back.

Michiru touched her back gently. “Please don’t feel you must stay. You are right to hate me. I only–” she took a breath, and composed herself, “I only wanted to tell you how I love you. How I was horrid, but only in the service of love. I longed to save you, and to protect you, Haruka. I do, even still.”

Haruka slowly lifted herself to standing, blinking, and tugged at her shirt. “I don’t know what to do.”

“If you could learn again, in a small way, to love me–”

“I never stopped, Michi.” She looked out the window. “You just hurt me.”

Michiru sighed. It was wrong, and it was selfish, to ask her to stay. Haruka was handsome, and good, and despite her minor blemishes she could meet a lovely girl who would understand her better, who she could understand, a woman who was not some unknowable alien of the deep, but a real and warm person. If Michiru would let her go, she could find happiness elsewhere.

But Michiru was selfish, and wanted the things she wanted.

“Haru–”

“Don’t make decisions for me anymore.” Haruka looked back from the window, but did not meet Michiru’s eyes, only took one of Michiru’s hands in both of hers. “I get to say. You can tell me stuff, but I get to say too.”

“I think that seems rather reasonable.” Michiru nodded, and squeezed her hand. “We will face this destiny together.”

“I mean, if you want to pick out noodles and can’t get a hold of me, that’s okay, but–”

“Yes, my love, I rather do understand the point you’re driving home.”

“I’m gonna live with Mina for a while, I just–” Haruka looked up at her and smiled. “Let’s go on a date. You and me. It’s been awhile.”

Michiru slipped her hand over the top of Haruka’s. “Anywhere you would like to go, and however you’d like to go there.”

You die, and then you don’t. Hearts break, and then they mend. Fire burns, and new and stronger things grow in the ashes. There is a destiny, and a girl who feeds doughnuts to squirrels rejects it.

Love abides.

#Man how pissed is Michiru gonna be when she finds out Haruka killed herself #seolh #Hollibirth Gala #Birthday writing day

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docholligay · 5 years

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There’s a couple of these posts I’ve gone back to the original liveblog to make sure I didn’t already say (And sometimes I have found I was about to make a Very Original Post only to see I said the exact same fucking thing last time) but this I apparently didn’t pick up at all, probably because this is such an emotional moment, I mean your heart leaps in your fucking throat. I mean let’s remember my reaction to this last time, after basically making a post that screamed AHHHHHHHHHH:

God, do we all remember the times when not only would i have lived to see Utena brick-ass Tenjou get stabbed, but would have happily done it myself? Good times. Simpler times.

But I think this is proving she IS a prince. Akio said that the rose bride protects the prince from getting stabbed by oh my god so many swords. And the rose bride is gone. And they IMMEDIATELY turn on Utena. They were whirling about before, and Akio was never really in fucking danger. I think part of the point of this is that nobility and goodness and real “princeliness” isn’t tied up in these ridiculous ass things that Utena and Akio earlier were indulging in. What it takes to be good and noble, that’s self-sacrifice. That’s not letting other people bear your consequences.

AND WHAT I LOVE ABOUT THIS IS THAT IT’S A GREAT FAIRYTALE SUBVERSION. Utena is proven to be the prince by suffering. This is the princess and the pea but taken VERY VERY SERIOUSLY. This is “the prince was inside you all along” but terrible. I love it.

God, do we all remember the time when not only would i have lived to see Utena

#Hollibirth Gala #Doc watches Utena #Episode 39 rewatch #I love when I go back and read my own liveblogs and am like #'i think you missed this a little bit'#like not insulting myself #but just 'hey you should look closer at this!'#I'm really glad I got to go over this episode again

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docholligay · 5 years

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I did a lot of fairly decent talk on this during the original liveblog, but one thing that didn’t strike me so much because I was really, really emotionally into and absolutely losing my shit over the whole punch and the rise and the struggle of it all and STILL I THINK IT IS AMAZING, THANK YOU ALL FOR NOT SPOILING ME FOR THAT, GOOD JOB TEAM.

But Akio’s not projecting anymore, is he? He’s busy hacking away at the goddamn door. The arena has been shown to be dark and the projector laying still several times over the course of the episode, and still we have this scene where Utena is watching the merry go round, with the prince mocking her, as she’s dressed as a rose bride herself.

Is this all Utena’s imagination?

Is this the moment, this one, where she finally breaks from all of the ideas she had of the prince? Is she really turning the prince into this terrible, mocking thing, teasing her with all of her ideals and all the things that Utena subconsciously believes about why everything has gone so badly, and then he stops mocking her, he tells her it’s okay, she did her best, and that’s complacency, and that’s the most dangerous thing of all. Is it Utena telling herself she never could have done it anyhow, she can give up, it’s over? And does she fucking reject that, violently, and is that why it all falls away, because it was all something she was seeing? Is this the moment Utena grows up, and realizes she can’t wait for a prince to draw her out of her coffin, and she can’t (and doesn’t want to be) the prince, but she can well do the one thing she wants: She can try. She can fight. She can fight as UTENA trying to do something, not some wannabe prince.

Because if so I like this moment that I already loved even more. I think there’s so many shitty things we tell ourselves and convince ourselves of, and so often we give into them, it’s human nature, but this moment, this idea, this is how you gotta try to live.

#Hollibirth Gala #Doc watches Utena #Episode 39 rewatch

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docholligay · 5 years

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Okay so let’s talk about this some more. This is a recap of the end of episode 38, which I was spoiled for and I continue to be annoyed by that and probably will be until the end of my fucking life, but really I’m not sure I would have been totally surprised. I was suspicious of Anthy for awhile anyhow, and I think her motivations and feelings are complex enough that I’m not sure she can even explain why she did it, or why she wouldn’t do it. I think she’s on the cusp of becoming her own person, as she does, eventually, do, but you know, I’m not sure she would have gone anywhere if Utena hadn’t gotten up.

Anyway I’m getting off track, my real point of discussion here is the level of intimacy in the stabbing itself. She pulls in close. She closes her eyes in a way that suggests love and tenderness, she holds Utena to her. It didn’t have to be like this, but their entire relationship is built around this, the way their interactions have been a mix of intimacy and danger and damage, all of this wrapped in the same thing. Even when Utena has meant well, she has contributed to the system that hurts Anthy, that keeps her imprisoned. It’s possible to love someone and be terrible for them at the same time, and I think in the context of the duels and Ohtori, that’s all it ever could have been. (Which is why she has to leave to refind Utena, I think)

(It’s also, I think, a very Anthy thing that it was in the back. That’s how Anthy’s run this whole time, in the background, playing chess instead of

This is the first time in any of the duels anyone actually gets stabbed! I didn’t notice that at first, but there’s no rose bullshit, this isn’t a contest of skill, it’s a contest of getting the other person dead, for the first time. This is what I was talking about in the last post, about that massive tonal switch within contexts that we know. Things that we take a s a given. We know how the duels work, but as this shows us, we don’t know anything. WE’re just as snowed as Utena herself.

#Hollibirth Gala #Doc watches Utena #Episode 39 rewatch

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docholligay · 5 years

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Today is my actual birthday!

I’ll probably give an actual post on my birthday in my usual rambling non-fiction fashion, but for right now I need you to know three things:

one: @relevantbunny told me this morning that the Utena Movie was actually released on my birthday. I know Actual Doc Holliday was born on my birthday, but this was a pleasant and hilarious surprise. Ikuhara did it just to fuck with me.

Two: Today is Director’s commentary day! Please send any and all asks or submissions about pieces I’ve written, bits you’d like me to expand upon or explain, questions about series or AUs or anything. I am happy to give spoilers, but they’ll probably be behind cuts for folks who want to wait for The Big Reveal. If you’ve ever had a question about my writing, today’s the day! I was really shocked and pleased that this got voted in--I wasn’t sure anyone cared that much ahaha.

Three: I am getting birthday bagels!

#Hollibirth Gala #director's commentary #I'm also going to post throughout the day some of the lovely gifts I've gotten

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docholligay · 5 years

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HOW DID I MISS THIS THE FIRST TIME?? WAS I TOO IN MY PINK BRICK FEELINGS??? I TOTALLY SKATED BY THIS.

These are all versions of the truth! None of them is wrong, exactly, about why Utena isn’t here anymore, none of them are the facts, necessarily, but they are all some version of true, the same way that there are so many stories about Anthy and Akio and how they got here and while I am still convinced we never learn the facts, they are all some version of the TRUTH, and now Utena has become a part of that truth, and a part of that mythos, and I think that’s why we keep so much focus on Anthy as these truths are being said. She knows what it is to be a part of a story.

#Hollibirth Gala #Doc watches Utena #Episode 39 rewatch

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docholligay · 5 years

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And so it turns out that everything behind the the gate, the power to bring revolution, was always Anthy. Letting her out of her coffin was the thing Akio sought and never wanted, he wanted some other concept of power that he had, but freeing Anthy from her ongoing death, freeing her from the darkness, that was the real power to bring revolution.

That was the real power to make something new and different happen in this world, and so it makes sense that out of all the swords, and all the false princes, and all the times that they have tried to unlock this, only Utena could do it, and the Utena of earlier couldn’t have done it, because the Utena of earlier was a child, the Utena of earlier was playing at being a prince without understanding how she would have to sacrifice and suffer and get up anyhow, and now she gets it, now she knows, and now that Anthy has seen that Utena is better than the princeliness she ever aspired to, she can allow Utena in, she can allow Utena to set her free.

#Hollibirth Gala #Doc watches Utena #Episode 39 rewatch #Freedom as revolution is a pretty great idea honestly

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docholligay · 5 years

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I think this is a big part of why Utena, dumb, brick, stubborn as hell Utena, really does embody so much of what might have made Dios, how she refuses to listen to the idea that to try is without merit, that you have to have power or give up, that the only way to win is through already being in power.

BUT I MEAN ASK CZAR NICHOLAS HOW THAT WENT FOR HIM *fingerguns*

I am a big fan of “help or shut up” when it comes to trying very difficult things, trying to change the world, do try to harness a power to free others, and though maybe Utena herself can’t fix it, she sure is going to fucking try, because there’s no point in lying on the ground listening to some dipass tell you its time to give up.

#Hollibirth Gala #Doc watches Utena #Episode 39 rewatch

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docholligay · 5 years

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I always like how Michiru got back into art in MaS. Do you have any more specific thoughts on how Haruka got back into sports? What prompted it? Was she terrified and self conscious at first?

It’s really difficult for Haruka, at first, she’s such a physical creature and a natural athlete and she makes the very common if very wrong assumption that it’s lost to her now, there’s no way she can be that anymore. And so she quietly resigns herself to the misery of it, and wow does that not at all improve her attitude.

Mako presses her, gently, to come lifting with her, they used to do it all the time, it’ll be just the same only we won’t climb into the ring to pop each other in the face. And Haruka finally relents, and is shocked to find out physical stuff still feels good, and she feels strong, and she starts going regularly and really enjoying the strength she’s building and the way she feels.

But sports themselves are quite lost to her until Michiru says, offhandedly and without meaning anything, for once, that she adored when they would dance together, and at first, haruka feels terrible. She feels shame that she can’t do that for Michiru anymore, she would do ANYTHING for Michiru. And then she remembered her therapist saying something about assuming defeat, and assuming there’s only one way to do something, and so she googles (feeling like she must be the stupidest woman who ever lived) ‘ballroom dancing wheelchair’ and is shocked to find that people do it! She finds someone who does it and hounds them to help her find a teacher, and she learns, and she’s happy to surprise Michiru with some basic work at a party a few months later.

Awhile after that, they are at a fundraising event of Michiru’s, dancing, and an another wheelchair user comments that she’s pretty light on her wheels, and does she do anything else? They talk for awhile, and he has her come goof around with his basketball team, and see if she likes it. She takes to the sense of competition immediately–she never liked the idea of wheelchair racing because it felt too wrong, but she never really played basketball before–and it gives her something new, something that isn’t a replacement for her old life, but a totally new thing for a totally new life, and she’s good at it, and she’s happy.

MIchiru smiles straight from her heart the first time she hears Haruka refer to herself as a ‘dumb jock’ again.

Thank you so much this was really fun to answer!

#Anonymous #Hollibirth Gala #Director's commentary

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