#I still need practice with it

[andthebeanstalk]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

#hlep #original #mental health #my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need. #the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it #i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support #and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist. #the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28! #a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents. #they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of #huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the #longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong. #and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives. #you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead? #or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of. #no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow. #i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel #i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong. #just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop

[isjasz]

[Day 246]

More background practice but it got out of hand goshdangit .png

They chilling :D

#dddaily4sherin #impulsesv #geminitay #grian #goodtimeswithscar #mumbo jumbo #ethoslab #if you squint you can also find a skizz #hermitcraft #hermitcraft season 10 #hermitblr #I really really heavily referenced the screenshot tho ngl so I still need more practice o7 #rip my french reading ig why am I like this 😭😭😭😭😭 #bging is honestly so fun tho ARHGJRJE #ive been using way too much orange and blue tho i should switch it up sometime hmmmmmmmm #my art

[faunandfloraas]

Honestly I think a lot of people who have never made a gif for tumblr don't get that it does actually take time and effort, its not just rip it from a video and post it- you have to download the video, in my case I have a video player installed that grabs continuous caps, figure out what parts you need, you have to open those in photoshop or gimp, depending on where you got photoshop you might be paying for it every month and then on top of that is actually sizing, cropping, colouring, sharpening, adding text, etc. etc. like it is something that takes time and effort for which the only real reward is creating something that makes you happy and hopefully people reblog it with a nice or funny tag, so maybe keep that in mind the next time you think gif makers are being mean or unfair for being upset about reposts. It is its own little artform that is fairly unique to this website, and that's a big aspect of why I have always loved tumblr, if all the gifmakers stopped posting things would be a lot more boring around here.

#like its well known reposting art or fic is rude so idk why gifs are free game #and why people are always so ~its just a gif~ okay well if its *just* a gif then you go and make one to that quality #oh wait you cant bc it actually does take time and practice #ive been at this for years and i still dont know all the tips and tricks #also the reason i mention all the software needed is bc like. you have to find install learn and it takes up space on the drive #so just reblog stuff and appreciate people that make fun content

[wasyago]

a random cleo in armor

#wanted to draw here but didn't have any ideas. when in doubt draw armor☝️ #cleo is fun to draw i like her color scheme. but i still need to get better at drawing different body types #this one isn't bad but i feel like i could've done better. need to practice more #hermitcraft #zombiecleo #my art #sketch #also im rushing to post all the backlogged hc art before season 10 starts so there will be 2(+) post per day until then #it's not necessary but i feel like otherwise it'll just drown in the new stuff

[romansmartini]

ever since i was a little girl i knew i wanted to speculate about the sexual and romantic undertones of celebrities’ professional relationships

#thinking about the larry thing again. all my life i’ve been a believer 🙏 #obviously many times of misguided beliefs were there before i like. learned how the world works. now i practice rpf discernment #but quite frankly there’s nothing like the drug of looking at star wars ot promo and being like man. #carrie fisher and harrison ford definitely fucked didn’t they. #and then for carrie fisher to drop the princess diarist and be like yeah me and harrison had the most torrid 70s affair #you can possibly imagine. #VINDICATIONNNNN #quite frankly they are the reason i still believe something similar happened with gillovny. we just need the memoir drop #rpf quiz

[greyhands]

A few additional and random sketches of Gale. I couldn't do more this week due to that whole art theft situation (I can't thank you enough for your help with this nightmare ❤️).

(sorry for the bad quality, most of them were pencil sketches I quickly lined and colored on csp)

#Gale #bg3 gale #gale dekarios #baldurs gate 3 #bg3 fanart #quick sketches #I'm good with the hairstyle now #but the face' structure... I still need to practice ^^;; #my art

[akans-dead-at-sea]

It's alright

30 second timelapse:

#ofmd #ofmd s2 #ofmd fanart #our flag means death #“I am a brave boy and will NOT cry while getting reference screenshots of Ed” he said. #*barely manages to hit Win+Shift+S through the fucking tears* #I'm sorry but this is the only decent OFMD fanart I got in me for now #I'm shit at drawing people with faces/head and I still gotta learn and find a style but god knows the gay pirates are gonna help me practic #I still need to recover from this scene- this episode- this season- this show goddamnit #ngl at first I liked how I drew Ed's hair but the more I look at it now the less I like it >:C #did I forget to post this? no nope nuh uh I don't know what you're talking about #this absolutely blew up on twitter- lowkey hope tumblr dot com likes it too :> #ed teach #stede bonnet #gentlebeard #ofmd s2e8 #tw blood #blood #akans art

[domi091]

You looked at his brother weird

#sth #sonic the hedgehog #miles tails prower #sonic #doodles #can't remember last time i colored something #it's refreshing to use colors again #i still need more practice #specially shading #unbreakable bond #theyre brothers your honor

[nevvn]

solomama and lucipapa raising a pack of rowdy kids

#obey me #obey me fanart #omswd #obey me swd #obey me solomon #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me satan #obey me beelzebub #obey me belphegor #obey me leviathan #obey me asmodeus #art tag #fanart #prolly my last post before i get busy again jsjdkjsk #or maybe you guys can slide some doodle reqs to help me de-stress (and practice) 👀 #wow it's already 3am i still need to study for our quiz later #and wake up early uueueu

[limeariee]

The nation's bestie usopp

#one piece #one piece fanart #my art #lime artchive #usopp #one piece usopp #usopp fanart #I still need practice drawing him rip #I hope u still like him tho

[isjasz]

Sacrifice - Burst - Fool

Day 10, 11, 12 for hermittober and day 111 dddaily4sherin! :)

#dddaily4sherin #comic #hermittober #desert duo #grian #goodtimeswithscar #+ jimmy and scott cameo #3rd life #third life #third life smp #traffic smp #trafficblr #cw blood #cw corpse #my art #me when my friend zz gives me an idea and proceeds to make it a whole ass comic #i mean i need comic practice for future references so works out ig HASJDHADHA #not incredibly proud of this tbh i still need work on comics but!! hope u guys like it <3 #:))) #ITS FINALLY DONE KJASDIJAKDAWODKAODKDAOPD #FUCK I KEPT FORGETTING THE CWS ADDED NOW

[reds-skull]

Price plays poker properly only when Ghost is involved

(I don't remember how to play poker so they're also playing wrong now)

#call of duty modern warfare 2 #cod mw2 #cod fanart #cod ghost #cod soap #cod gaz #cod price #cod mwii #honestly i just wanted to make a small comic with all 4 #to practice drawing them #idk how i ended up with poker tbh #anyways NEXT comic is gonna be Gaz centered #and im very excited for it :D #Gaz and Price werent actually that hard to draw #but Soap... my guy... I literally made whole studies about his face #he still feels wrong for me... like the essence of him isnt there #either wayyy im gonna go start working on the new comic #(while ignoring everything else i need to do) #(what can i say when the brainrot hits...) #oh almost forgot #can you tell what im doing with the colors at this point? #im gonna color code the shit out of all of them like every other character i ever made #theyre mine now >:) they get a color

[dorkfruit]

but everything's just come together at last /:

#rendering the tridentarii's guts is something that be so personal #the locked tomb #tlt #/ tw gore #ianthe tridentarius #coronabeth tridentarius #dear lord can u believe it? a finished painting? even tho i slacked in a whole bunch of places bc i got bored. but still! #tridentarii #had some other sketches in mind based on the album but they came out mid sooo just gonna post this only #need to practice my painting bleghh

[sopuu]

new ps5 game made me watch spiderverse again and i’ve been obsessed about both for a good month now

insomniac miles version and bg only under cut!

#originally this was drawn for insomniac miles but spiderverse miles fits the piece better #sooo i did both fjkdkd #i still need to draw the spot sometime #also wanted to practice buildings bc they scare me and i don’t want that!! #spiderverse #spider man #insomniac spider man #marvel’s spider man #miles morales #spiderverse fanart #good soup

[dayurno]

robin cross and kevin day parallels actually go so crazy. they both spent their formative years in a basement underground with exy-obsessed captors. they both saw exy as freedom. they both were isolated even within the foxes’ group of outcasts. they were both under andrew’s protection. it cost kevin jean to leave the nest and it cost robin another girl’s life to escape her kidnapper. robin carried her racquet with her to self-soothe and kevin restrings the net of his when he’s anxious. they’re even bird coded

#to those unfamiliar the word robin is also a kind of little bird 🕊️ #i dont ship them but i dont blame the people who do if im honest #BUT ITS JUST CRAZY TO MEEE #its so fucked that canonically kevin never gets to meet her #but i will say that the echoes of his presence are still there #she joins the foxes the year after kevins graduation and there andrew is taking robin to night practice #there he is coaching her because he knows exy is the tool she needs to believe in herself #there he is doing what kevin day told him only years late 🫠 #sorry they make me insane #robin when she’s the weird kandreil amalgamation no one asked for #will expand on this if i have more thoughts later but please talk to me about robin. thank you #txt #aftg #kevin day #robin cross #kevin #robin #fav #kevin&robin

[3v3rl4stingbr4in]

我最亲爱的乌鸦。＜3

( Screenshot redraw part 2, ss under the cut )

#过来过来吧，我的小猫咪。 #Haven't seen their actual appearance yet but yeah. :3 #So far... I'm loving the demo. Still need to get through it. #And also have to practice to learn how to draw Leander and Ais because I only draw like buff women in my life. #mhin #touchstarved mhin #touchstarved #Rung's art.