#I wrote this when I was sad years ago

[rev-pirate]

Happy 10 year Anniversary to Tumblr Heritage Post Thrift Shoppe by Pixlriffs 

#pixlriffs #very sad i cant reblog the original 😔 #god i remember seeing a reposted version of this on facebook and reading it out to my friends at the lunch table like 8-9 years ago #wild when i found out pix wrote that

[whore4batfam]

Bruce put his head in his hands.

"I don't want that," he said, not looking up. "I want you to want to be good, I want you to want to be better. It's not about consequences and punishments. It's about who you are."

#:(((( #i wrote this years and years ago #and now as an older adult it makes me sad and hurts me #when you try so hard and fail so hard #and you’re trying to raise *people* and everything feels like it’s your fault if they’re. well. people. #we seek perfection and for us perfection means ‘better than me’ #be better than me be better than me #and in the meantime children keep saying ‘look at me! look at ME’ #and you say what’s there to look at? you’re so young you have to build yourself. I’m here if you need me #I’m here if you need me why don’t you take my hand #and they don’t see you there and won’t take your hand because that feels like a betrayal #they need to be a person. they NEED to be a person #and if you’re there how can they truly be a person?? #and you understand and you step back and you look at them go #and don’t even wait for the day for them to look back #you just keep praying ‘better than me. better than me’

[rindomness]

i think the thing that makes me most powerful as an artist is the fact that i have kept copies in some form or another of almost everything i have made since i started and thus whenever the imposter syndrome is hitting i can look at the literal piles of sketchbooks and notebooks and binders i keep the physical copies of my work in and go oh yeah. ive been working at this for like ten years. and then it just goes away.

anyway i absolutely recommend this as a strategy no matter how cringey it might seem keeping visual evidence of skill progression is an incredible tool against imposter syndrome. voice in your head can't tell you you're faking your skills if you can pull out a literal record of your skill growth against it

#even digital stuff like. #keep a file on a physical drive with your shit on it. back it up every once in a while. #google docs is fine but nothing quite beats digging through your files on your laptop and finding something you wrote five years ago #that's maybe not as technically sound as what you can do *now* but still isn't like bad. #legitimately i found a notebook while cleaning last month that was just like. #half of a novel. handwritten in this little composition notebook. #was it *good?* eh! but im also looking at that after yeah like five or six YEARS of practice #and that even beats finding stuff i wrote. like. Actually Legitimately Ten Years Ago #always makes me sad to see younger artists than me declaring theyre gonna delete their stuff cause its embarrassing or cringey #like. ok so what i spent a full two years drawing bad undertale comics with every panel on a new piece of paper. #im going to keep them until i have no choice but to get rid of them which will likely be when *i* die and not a moment before #reminder i need to back up my stuff . wheres my hard drive for that.

[derangedbutdedicated]

void

some people are brought up as voids

and when you're not sure how to build a person out of that void, you try filling it instead

with short-term poison-anesthetics; like sharps, or pills, or relationships, or pretend, or food—

or starving that void until it gapes enough to consume even it's own destruction

and the void is always screaming, and so are you, but anyone who hears it loses their mind

i don't know how to be a person, and it hurts. and i'm learning to express that pain with my words, not my body, but it's difficult to detach something that's built into the foundations

how can i describe it when you're a person in all the ways that i'm not?

#poetry #writing #vent #waffling #goth #poems on tumblr #poem #writeblr #writers on tumblr #i feel like a massive nerd writing these tags btw #bit of context: wrote this a year ago when i was really down #i know majority of y'all dont like my text posts but this has to be here #sad poetry #im not emo i swear

[ghost-of-you]

I can't get over how Luke and Sierra sat down one day looked at each other thought "huh life sure is gonna suck when you die, what if we wrote a song about that, you know as a joke" and proceeded to write older and then abandon it until a few years later. Like what?

#we wrote it a couple years ago at home kind of as a joke as an ode to 50s love songs and its kinda about the insanity that #when you choose a partner in life and you choose to spend your life with them #inevitable one of you is gonna have the worst time of your life when the other one diea #i know it sounds really sad but to me is beautiful #he really just said that #like Hemmings you fascinate me #I'm rambling #5sos #5sos ono #i guess?

[everythoughtihave]

Like a toy

People only want me when I'm new.

Like a child who just got a new toy,

People like me, find me interesting,

They play with me for a while.

But like a child with their toy,

after a while, I am boring,

I'm old, nothing new,

I'm not interesting or shiny anymore.

Being with me is suddenly a routine,

A routine that is too predictable,

Loving me becomes dull,

No more excitement or surprises.

I am now the toy at the bottom of the box,

Nothing new and nothing exciting,

But still, there I am,

Longing for the attention and love I once had,

Loyally waiting for when you decide you want to play with me again.

#poetry #poems #wannabe poet #Taylor swift reference #sad poem #sad poetry #break up poem #wrote this over a year ago when I first got dumped

[emodennis]

back on my club penguin bs

#reread my final paper for my cultural anthropology class that i wrote 4 wrote years ago on the club penguin fashion shows #and i missed it so much #i was so sad when cp rewritten got taken down #but i didnt know there was a new one called new cp! #so im back babey #i fuckin love that shit #phoenix talks

[sucktacular]

Went through my GaiaOnline account to try and find something and found this instead.

#sucktacular sucks #13.8 years of experience in being a Mega Seme in the field #my profile is custom so my basic 'about me' tab doesnt show up but i also looked at it and it was from when I was really into Black Butler #sobbing crying #im trying to fucking find my old B fic cuz I KNOW i wrote more than i can find on my harddrive or on fanfiction.net??? #like straigh tup whered it GOOOOO #i made a wix for it years ago but as the internet is now - nothing lasts forever #i cant find it anyway so far and its very sad u_u

[r0b0-writes]

@fellowpieceofdeltarunetrash : V for K_K? V: An abandoned or empty place

Yep! Here ya go! It's an angsty one! tw for snowgrave

What had he been looking for? He couldn't even remember. The world kept feeling like it was getting smaller and smaller, his feet traveled less distance every passing day.

He couldn't remember how he got the injuries on his body. The side of his head dented, an arm fizzled and sparked as open wires exposed. Even its walk was limped.

Neon signs cut in and out of view as he sluggishly walked past. He didn't know where his feet were leading him, but it felt right to walk in that direction. Away from the bright lights that were slowly fading, away from the other faces that were full of pity. He could barely even remember to care about the looks shot his way.

It walked on, and on, and on. Until the city was only in the distance, new green fields covered his view.

He felt so close to what he'd been searching for.

As much as it hurt, his pace quickened. Hurried steps, almost muscle memory-- They could almost hear their voices in the distance--

Cresting over a hill, he saw an old shop, it looked like it had once been a place full of laughter and music. His body almost deflated at the sight. A relief he hadn't thought he'd ever feel rushed over him.

What he was searching for had to be there.

He rushed to the door, only to see it wouldn't budge.

"The doors jammed, but we'll kick it open!"

K_K kicked the door until it creaked open.

The inside felt so familiar, but he couldn't remember why. His chest beat louder the more he walked through the building. Musical instruments littered the living area, CDs and record labels hung on the wall. He traveled to the back where he saw a single door. Its arm moved on its own to open the door.

Inside was a large bed. Big enough to fit three.

It instinctually crawled into the middle and closed its eyes. The blankets were cold, but he felt warmer than he'd ever felt before.

But the bed wasn't what he had been searching for. Sitting up, he looked around the room until his eyes landed on a photo frame. Three faces were inside. His own and two others. His chest ached for a reason he couldn't understand. His hands clutched the photo, one shakily ran over the two faces at the bottom.

It hurt so much to look at, but he couldn't look away.

"Sweet? Cap?" His voice scratched and clipped when the words came out. His legs gave out, it became hard to breathe as he held the frame to his chest. Broken sobs, wailing out as he called for them. He'd been looking for them, he'd been searching for them for what felt like years on repeat.

And he knew he'd never find them. He knew they were gone.

He left the frame in the shop, he'd found what he was searching for.

Searching for... Searching for... something. He'd been looking for something.

Looking up he saw the distant lights of a city. Maybe he'd find what he was looking for there?

Without turning around, his feet dragged him toward the city. Beginning the loop again.

Each time, only getting shorter and shorter. Until eventually, there was nothing left to search for.

#tw snowgrave #tw character death #sweet cap'n cakes #scc ambiguous #when you have a bad concussion time tends to move in differently #K_K keeps thinking he's been searching for them for days to years #when its only been a few hours #(i hope this came out fairly okay? I don't write cd or sg very much cuz it makes me unnecessarily sad) #BUT! #I did enjoy this one #it's inspired from an old drabble I wrote awhile ago #To fix-it fic it: The world gets reset and they all get a happy ending! Yippie! #And no one remembers the trauma :) #happy day! #[r0b0.rqst]

[bblookyyy]

just two girls having fun

sometimes I just. see in my mind the perfect illustrations and scenery and colours and lines. I just hope that when I do have the skills to translate my emotions onto paper I’ll still want to make these illusts

#my art #not homestuck for once #not expecting any notes on this post lol #I don’t mind not having the skills to draw what I want rn #I always write down and describe every single detail of the illusts I want to draw #but what I’m scared of is when I do get those skills #I won’t be interested in drawing those illusts again #i look at my notes app see all those animation ideas I had jotted down and feel no impulse to make them #and I just know the me from years ago who excitedly wrote down all these ideas #will be really sad I didn’t end up making them #sorry to past me #I hope future me will be kinder to current me than current me is to past me

[sroloc--elbisivni]

.

#it’s very interesting—dispassionately—that i have a fic i write #many years ago about someone dying in a hospital while their loved ones watch #considering that now i can’t read about either of those things separately much less together #i’ve got a quiet belief that we remember things out of order #so to have this story (and really there’s more than one) about these things that are now triggers #is strange to contemplate #i got a comment on it. i get comments on things out of nowhere rarely enough that i often find myself #opening up the whole fic to go reread. i got a couple sentences in before i remembered what this was. #and then i had to stop. i can’t read it again now. i don’t know if i ever will. i wrote it #when i was younger because it was sad and it was for an angst war it was meant to be sad #but i didn’t have personal experience to inform it the way i do now. and now that i have that personal experience #and now that i’m older and value more highly drawing on authentic emotions and real experience to create my fics #i can’t touch this one or anything like it #it’s interesting. if i just think and don’t feel. #sroloc babbles

[moera6]

Why can friends break your heart so devastatingly? People talk about their heartbreak after a relationship ends. There are countless songs and tips about it. The big difference is, the ending of a relationship usually offers some kind of closure. The people who end their relationship at least have to let the other person know that it's over. Whereas a friend can just stop talking to you and that's it. No way to know if they just don't have the time at the moment. If they don't want to talk to you anymore because of something you did. If the friendship is really over or is there something left worth fighting for. And how are you supposed to move on if you don't know if it's really over? It's been over two years already and I still think about you. Your "I will always answer your messages" just a few months before your last message still breaks my heart. Because I believed it. I clung to it even when it was obvious that trust was misplaced. So now I'm left here, still hurting, not knowing when/if I can trust someone on that level again. And you were "just a friend", no romantic feelings involved, and still you broke my heart

04/10/21

#thoughts #sad #friendship ending #wrote this two years ago and am still not over it #still hurts when i think about it

[dorotheo-rah]

Bloodflower

Bloodflower

born

a sacrifice

Oil like water

crimson

flowing

Born in blood

in pain

shaped

Directionless

fed lies

constricted

One of many

a dogma

a law

Fed by

scharlatans

warped truths

Facts for lies

oppression

blind obedience

Hear thy words

they preach

only theirs

Know your place

your fate

dictated

For only

their rules

make human

Bloodflower

grown

in a poisoned world

#poem #poetry #deep thoughts #sad thoughts #the world sucks from the day of your birth and long before that #dark poetry #i was having my periouds when I wrote this a year ago #not really though as I changed the text a bit #no I'm not edgy #how are you beautiful

[stuck-in-the-ghost-zone]

updare i just went back and looked at the only fic i ever posted in the vengeful spirit series and this is so pitiful

me when i lie

#“chapter 2 should be up soon!” oh how fucking naiive you were #two years later: ummmmm. hey guys <3 #sooooo i was super extremelt depressed when i wrote thissssss. #it still lives in my brain but unfortunately i have problems disease and never finished ittttttt #id like to say i really want to. for old times sake. bc i still rlly love the concept. #but i am so tired all the time and i still have not finished the mtz fic i promised like a year ago #and also the cquackity cannibalism fic i got halfway through writing and lost steam and. #man. i hate having unfinished projects but i dont even have the time to do RECENT things i want to do #much less things from like. almost 3 years ago #this is so sad. next chapter soon! ^_^ im gonna kms

[pixies--dust]

i am sobbing

#every now and then i look at my city on queeringthemap and today i found this #a pin i wrote a few years ago has shown up and it makes me a little sad #its been a while since i looked at the site so i dont know when it showed up #i know i wrote a different one in the same place #but that second one was written after the friendship that first one was about had ended #whenever it shows up im sure itll make me at least a little sad

[neil-gaiman]

hi mr. neil, hope you're doing well.

i don't know if you're aware of the news about Brianna Ghey, but if you are, I know a lot of us could use some words of wisdom. or just any words, really. if i had the right words i'd write them, but all i feel right now is devastated.

sorry to bother you

I'm devastated too.

There's a trans Day of Remembrance for a reason. I hope Brianna Ghey is remembered long after her killers and the people who inspired them or egged them on are long forgotten.

I wrote this page of Sandman 32 years ago:

I hoped when I wrote it that three decades later we would have moved on. That deadnaming would be a sad historical fact. Instead I'm seeing the UK and the Murdoch Media targeting trans people and generally stoking real hatred, helped by sad or evil or just misguided people with their own prejudices or axes to grind.