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peacefulpianist · 9 months

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The Green Dress

Loki x Fem. Reader (no y/n)

Wow hi everyone, I can't say I ever thought I would be doing this, but I've written something! I've been an avid reader for a few years now and have finally convinced myself to give it a shot. Any constructive criticism is more than welcome, but please do bear in mind this is the first thing I've written since year 8 English that isn't an academic paper of sorts. Anyway I hope you enjoy!

I'm tagging a few members of the SAS who I think may like this? But if you want to be removed please do let me know - no hard feelings at all : @lokisgoodgirl @lokischambermaid @acidcasualties @muddyorbsblr @wheredafandomat @liminalpebble

Description: When Stark invites you last minute to one of his infamous parties, you've not got many options on hand to wear until Nat suggests you wear the green dress you had bought months ago. Perhaps it will be enough to inspire a certain god to finally make his move.

w/c: 4.2k whoops I didn't intend for it to be nearly this long

My Masterlist

“How many times do I need to tell you that you absolutely can not do that Stark!” You exclaimed in exasperation over the cluttered lab table once more.

“But if I just ignored that little thing-” the glare you sent from over the top of your glasses quickly shut his remark down before it could continue any further. Looking contrite, but rather worryingly still determined, Stark pushed back from the table, going slightly further than expected in his chair and trying to style it out as intentional as he almost collided into several rather important projects.

“Well since you’ve thoroughly pooped on that party Brainiac, I’m declaring we call it a day here, and hey speaking of parties, you are coming later aren’t you?” He asked whilst trying not to fall of his chair and catching a rather dangerous looking item falling off one of the nearby tables he had knocked into.

A wave of panic washed through you at the mention of the event later; you had been hoping that as no one had specifically invited you to it, only mentioned it in passing, that you would be able to give it a miss unnoticed. It wasn’t that you disliked Starks events or even parties in general, you just happened to be aware of who else would be there and definitely couldn’t trust yourself to keep up a front with the copious alcohol that would no doubt find its way into your system. Not that you were totally innocent in how it found its way there. You had been hoping to avoid a direct invitation like this, purely because you had a real issue saying no to people, especially those you liked and admired. It was because of this, and only this - not the fact you would get to see Loki in one of his impeccably tailored suits again as a helpful voice in your head supplied, that you found yourself blurting out the following.

“Uh yeah sure, of course, wouldn’t miss it for the world boss!”

You had hoped that it had come out in a convincing tone, but the slight frown emerging on Starks face said otherwise. However, as quick as it had appeared on his face it was gone, replaced by a trademark smile as he slapped his thighs and stood.

“Well then, you better be off to prepare and polish your elbows, or whatever it is you ladies manage to do to fill so much time getting ready before these events,” his face quickly faltered after realising what he had actually just said and quickly followed up with “not saying of course that it isn’t absolutely worth it, especially if Pepper asks”.

In an effort to allow Tony to leave the interaction without digging himself an even deeper hole, you stood too, gathering your bag as you went, giving a slightly awkward wave over your shoulder as you walked out the door.

It was only when you made it back to your room upstairs that you fully understood what you had actually agreed to. Not only were you going to have to be in the same room as Loki, desperately trying to hide your feelings towards him, whilst watching him flirt with practically everyone in attendance, but also work out what the hell you were going to wear to a party at such short notice. Unlike many of the other inhabitants of the tower, your wardrobe wasn’t exactly equipped for these kinds of events. You had always preferred to skip out on anything that required this level of formal wear, the comfort of your staple jeans and a hoody was something you had always chosen over the tighter fitting, more formal attire required at Stark’s parties.

In a somewhat unhelpful move, you decided that putting off the outfit dilemma was the best course of action, as a frantic full-body shower was needed, and of course there was no point choosing an outfit before you’d done your hair and makeup after the shower as well. You had told yourself that the outfit choices could be mulled over during this time as well, but realistically knew that you were just lying to yourself and would inevitably put it off until the last moment.

A frantic search of your wardrobe, which involved many an outfit being taken out, only to be thrown into the rejection pile on the floor moments later, left you coming up short and in the middle of a ring of discarded outfits whilst still in just your towel. You sank to the floor, just staring despondently at the chaos around you, contemplating whether Tony would actually notice if you didn’t go after all.

It was in that state exactly that Nat found you minutes later after she had knocked, not waited for an answer and entered anyway, only to stop in her tracks and abandon whatever purpose she had come with upon seeing you in such a state.

“Well that outfit is sure to grab everyone’s attention, not what I would choose personally but good for you girl!” Nat said with a smirk, leaning on your doorframe.

“Don’t even start with that right now, I wasn’t planning on going to this until and hour ago, and I appear to have greatly underestimated my wardrobe deficiencies. Some actual help right now would be greatly appreciated.” Your reply came from the floor, all hope of being able to avoid Stark’s shindig fading with the sound of the door closing behind Natasha.

“I’m sure your so called deficiency isn’t nearly as bad as you’re making it out to be,” her voice somewhat muffled as she rooted through what was left of your clothes in you’re wardrobe.

“I mean look right here, what was wrong with this option, it’s even green, perfect to catch you-know-who’s attention!” The smile on her face dropped when she turned to face you, brandishing the green dress you had bought months ago on a whim when out with some friends, only to realise you would never be comfortable enough to wear it out in public when you had tried it on at home later that evening.

“Woah, what’s so wrong with this one that it makes you pull that face? It’s a stunning dress I can’t see what you could possibly have against this one, its perfect for tonight.” Nat questioned with a confused frown, after seeing the vehement refusal on your face at the suggestion.

“It is a beautiful dress, just not on me, I don’t-” before you could even finish the thought, Nat had pulled you up, and was pushing you quite forcefully back towards the bathroom, throwing you in there along with the dress and your raciest, laciest underwear that you hadn’t even seen her grab.

“I’m not even going to dignify that with a response, you should know better than to speak like that about one of my closest friends by now, by the time I’m back after getting changed myself, I want you wearing that dress so I can prove to you how wrong you are when you see everyone’s faces when we walk in later” Nate reply was somewhat muffled behind the bathroom door, but the fierceness, and her love for you, was still conveyed perfectly through the wood.

“Besides if it truly makes you feel that bad after wearing it tonight, we’ll burn it together tomorrow, I’m not having you keeping it if its going to make you feel this way whenever you see it.” The finality in her tone and promise of being able to get rid of the thing tomorrow was enough to get you to follow her orders, that alongside the fact that you were still rather scared of her, even after having been friends with her for a few years now.

With Natasha momentarily gone, it gave you the chance to ruminate in your thoughts, the dress was truly stunning, a deep emerald green that displayed your decolletage beautifully, with a daring slit from ankle to high up on your thigh. While you could see that the dress itself was objectively great, when it was you wearing it, it didn’t seem that way anymore. Instead of being able to focus on all of the ways it could highlight your beauty, all you could see was the way the closer fit of the dress clung to your stomach slightly, and how the slit showed off your thighs, and just seemed to emphasise how big they were.

It was in this downward spiral that Nat found you in upon her return, a frown once again set on her face as when she saw the malice behind your eyes, directed solely at yourself.

The way you could only ever focus on the parts of yourself that you saw as problems had always hurt Natasha, and how it impacted the way you behaved as well. It wasn’t just a matter of wearing baggier clothes that covered your insecurities, but the way you let it decide where you belonged socially. She was intimately familiar with your growing feelings towards a certain god of mischief who had taken up residence in the tower little over a year earlier, but also with your pessimistic view towards your chances of the feelings being reciprocated. Ever since you had realised that your feelings were more than that of just friendship you had immediately resigned yourself to remaining in the friend zone, refusing to believe that he would ever see you as something more because “he’s a god and I’m, well, I mean just look at me.” Nat had tried countless times to reassure you that the way you saw yourself, was not in fact the way others saw you, but had also at this point come to the understanding that your self perception wasn’t based in logic, and reasoning as such wasn’t going to make enough of an impact to change how you saw yourself.

It was with this in mind that she approached you, an arm reaching round you and pulling you into her side for a hug, while smiling at you in the mirror, before grabbing your hand and pulling you out of your room and to the party on the floor above.

Your outfit dilemma had delayed the two of you a little, so when you arrived upstairs, the party was already in full swing; with music blaring and alcohol clearly flowing freely if the state that some of the guests were in already was any indication. As such you were easily able to slip in behind Natasha unnoticed, before heading straight over to the bar, feeling the need to indulge a little more than normal tonight.

From your vantage point at the bar up on the mezzanine, you could see almost all of the goings on down below you, from Lang absolutely busting it up on the dance floor to Tony trailing around after Pepper, seemingly trying to make up for something that was undoubtedly his fault, but wasn’t actually remorseful for. Unfortunately it also meant that you had the perfect view of Loki and his apparent flavour of the night. Despite knowing how unproductive it was, you found yourself comparing yourself to her, noting all the ways she was traditionally attractive, only to seemingly find yourself lacking in the same places in comparison. Even though you had accepted months ago that Loki was never going to reciprocate your feelings, and having desperately tried to allocate him into the friend box in your head unsuccessfully, it still hurt deeply to see him so close with other women, knowing what he would be doing with them that night, only to move on to the next when it suited him.

This knowledge had one advantage for you though, it had made it much easier for you to become friends with the god. As you knew nothing romantic was ever going to happen between the two of you, you had found it that much easier to relax and joke around him, even going as far to return his flirty remarks, as there was no pressure behind it for you, and the potential embarrassment behind behaving more boldly was removed. Since he flirted with everyone that way, it obviously didn’t mean anything to him, so it made it much easier for you to jokingly flirt back. It was because of this new found confidence, that you had struck up a strong friendship with the god and had come to call him one of your closest friends. It had only added to your mental torture.

After a few more self indulgent moments, agonising a little more over what could have been you turned to the bartender, and took another drink with a polite thanks and a smile before deciding that even if you did still regret coming, and especially wearing the dress, you were going to make the most of the evening. Besides how many people could say they got to drink and dance with the avengers, who they were friends with.

It was with this new found resilience that you stood from your place and made your way down to the dance floor, having caught Nat and Wanda’s eyes before and been summoned.

The next few hours passes in a slight blur of laughter and dancing for you, after a few, chaotic but incredibly fun dances with Nat and Wanda some of the other men began to join in, requesting a dance with you. Between the fun of teaching Steve how people actually danced in clubs now alongside Nat, and Bucky whirling you round the floor like an absolute professional - after complementing your outfit for the evening with an all too knowing look, you had almost forgotten about your preconceptions for the evening, but whenever you danced with one of the men, however gracious and smooth they were, you couldn’t help but imagine what it would be like if it were Loki instead of them; comparing the feel of their hand on your back to what you had imagined Loki’s would be like if he were there instead.

Just when you were about to take a break from dancing, a slightly cooler hand came to rest on your back, as its owner leant down to speak into your ear over the music.

“Darling, I think its about time we show them how its really done don’t you?”

The feeling of his breath over your neck as he leant in closer sent a jolt down your spine, that you were almost certain he must have felt in his hand, still placed firmly in the middle of your back, exactly where you had imagined it being all night.

Quickly composing yourself, you managed a somewhat natural reply, rather impressed with your own neurones for still being able to function at least somewhat normally whilst Loki was so close to you, having not moved away under the pretence of needing to be closer to be able to hear you over the music.

“Ah of course your majesty, I’m sure us mere mortals couldn’t possibly live up to the prowess of a god”

His low reply was barely heard over the thumping of the bass, in a way that made you question whether he had actually intended for your to hear it, if it wasn’t for the sly wink he sent towards you after.

“Yes I find that is the case in many areas darling, especially when it comes to moving their bodies”

The raised eyebrow you gave in reply expressed all you needed him to know, and covered for the fact that your mind had been sent in a downward spiral imagining his trademark snake hips dance move, in areas other than the dance floor.

Whilst you were somewhat distracted in your thoughts, he moved the hand from your back to loop his arm round your waist and bring you back into the middle of the dance floor, beginning to sensually move his hips and draw you into to him to do the same.

What you didn’t know was that Loki and been subtly watching you all evening, ever since you had walked in the door, many may not have noticed your entrance behind the Black Widow, but at this point Loki’s body was finely attuned to your presence and he hadn’t been able to draw his sight away from you for more than a few seconds at a time. You were wearing his colours. His green. But it wasn’t just your choice in attire tonight that had drawn his attention, as delightful as that dress was, you’d had it for many months before this point. Initially you had been a curiosity to Loki, kind to him when many others weren’t immediately following his return to Midgard, but after talking to you the first few times it was your intelligence that had captured Loki’s heart. He had found you to be one of the few midgardians to match his voracious appetite for knowledge, both in reading and in your chosen profession as a biologist working alongside Stark and Banner, but much less insufferable than the other two.

When Loki had first come to terms with his interest in you, he had thought his subtle flirtations would be enough to alert you to his intentions, but when these failed to elicit any kind of response from you he had slowly become more and more bold with his innuendoes and flirtatious comments when in your presence. At first he had thought he was finally getting somewhere with you when you had began to match him in conversations, but when you made no sign of anything more, he had found himself stumped. At one point he had even stooped so low as to flirt with others in your presence in the hope that it would inspire enough jealously within you to reveal your feelings towards him, alas it did not work. No one had ever taken this long to fall victim to his seduction. He had admitted to himself that this time was different to his previous experiences as truly desired more with you than just a roll in the bed, not to say that did not also desire that with you, he had thought about that extensively, but he was not sure how to progress from here.

When you had walked in tonight though, looking exquisite in his colours he had decided that enough was enough, tonight he was going to finally bite the bullet and just ask you outright if you would be with him. It was not a decision that he had come to lightly, but he had finally come to the realisation that if he wanted something to happen he was going to have to do something about it for himself.

You didn’t know whether Loki had bribed the DJ before approaching you, or it was a shear unfortunate coincidence but as you continued dancing, each song seemed to get progressively dirtier and more sensual. This combined with finally dancing with him after having imagined it all night, the enticing smell of him from being in such close proximity, and the one or two drinks you’d had early were practically sending you into an early death.

Simultaneously Loki was experiencing a similar issue, when she wasn’t looking, Loki found his eyes being drawn from her face down to her chest, which with his height he had a fabulous view down, and combined with the lyrics and music he hands had seemingly began to move of his own accord and were veering dangerously further south. He decided he needed to do something soon, or he was going to have a very hard time of it.

As he leant down once again to speak into your ear, your breath hitched ever so slightly, and a faint flush bloomed across your cheeks- a fact that didn’t go entirely unnoticed by the god, and one that made his own pulse race. All hope that you felt the same way as him was not lost.

“Are you alright there darling? You’re looking awfully flushed. You’re not too warm in here are you?”

You had barely managed to stutter out what you could only imagine would have been a terrible excuse before he continued;

“Unless of course it is for the same reason as I.”

The hope that formed in your chest from the one sentence alone caused you to whip your head up, needing to search his gaze to see if he was really implying what you thought he was, surely he couldn’t be, there was no way that he could have felt the same way towards you as you did to him. Before you could continue with your self deprecation, he interrupted your thoughts once again;

“Now now darling stop that immediately, I can tell you are already overthinking this before I have even truly started. I do not know what it is that makes you doubt yourself so, but you must know that whatever it is I do not share that same belief.”

You held his breath as he said this, still not truly believing that this could be going where you wished it was, but not daring to do anything to break the spell just yet

“I was almost sure you would have known by now, but apparently I have not been clear enough in my appreciation or my advances towards you. I very much like you min elskling, you have well and truly captivated me heart and mind, body and soul. I would be honoured if you wished to court me, or as I believe you mortals say, go on a date with me” Loki finished with a release of breath, like saying all that had released a burden from upon his chest and he could finally breath deeply again now it was done.

You just stood there frozen in the middle of the dance floor, unsure if what you had heard was really happening, surely this was all some wonderful fever induced dream, and you were going to wake up face down on one of the desks in the lab any moment.

However Loki was reading your silence as rejection, and the insecurities that he had previously pushed aside were starting to flood back.

“Of course darling, if you do not feel the same then, I would be more than happy to just remain as friends,” it was of course a lie, but one that he would guard closely if that were the case, as he would never want for you to feel guilty for making an honest decision, and would much rather keep your friendship than not have you in his life at all.

“And I can completely understand why of course if you do not return my feelings, after all with my heritage I know-” before he could finish his sentence though you had reached up and pulled his face down to your height, before promptly pushing your mouth onto his in a scorching kiss. In the time Loki had began to panic and ramble, it had finally registered what Loki had been saying, and that it was in fact real, so before he could spiral any further you had to display your feelings towards him, and this had seemed like the most direct course of action.

After a brief moment in which Loki’s brain had to catch up to what was actually going on right now, he swiftly took charge of the kiss, both of you melting into it, especially as Loki opened his mouth to let he tongue dance along your lips before slowly meeting your own. At the same time, Lokis hands began to wander more actively, finally sliding that last little distance down to your behind, which he grasped firmly before sliding one hand down to bring your leg up and round his hip, letting you feel exactly what you were doing to him. Your own hands had found their way into his silky hair, finally fulfilling the desire you had held for many months to feel what it was like between your fingers, and when you gave it a gentle tug in the passion of the moment, a low growl made its way up Lokis throat, only enticing you in further.

It was only as a few wolf whistles broke through your bubble that you remembered exactly where you both were and that it was perhaps not the best place for what was clearly on its way to happening. It was with the same thought that Loki took your hand and began leading you out of the room, stopping only briefly first to growl lowly into your ear “we need to leave now darling, don’t you agree?” Before nipping your earlobe and pulling back to grin at you.

With absolutely no objections, and no subtlety either, you nodded before taking the lead taking you both in the direction your room, before stopping to remember the state you had left it in before the party in your distress to find an outfit. You blushed at the memory and changed direction slightly to lead you both to his rooms instead. Loki however took no notice, or simply did not care for the slight moment of hesitation, as at this point he didn’t particularly care where you were headed as long as it was close by, you were finally his and now it was time for him to claim you as such.

Part Two here:

Thank you so much for reading if you made it this far! Please do let me know what you think x

#tom hiddleston #loki laufeyson #loki x reader #loki x you #no y/n #dancing #green dress #tony stark #stark being silly #scientist reader

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13as07 · 1 month

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Sweet Girl #2

(Shikaku Nara Smut)

[Artwork is not mine! Credit to Pii (Fc2)]

Requested by: Also my hormones

Word Count: 3,733

Warnings and/or Pre-Notes:

Age-gap

Oral (fe/male receiving)

Dacryphilia (aka getting hard cause of tears)

Creampie

Fighting (yelling)

Name Calling: Commander, Sweet Girl, Bitch, Good Girl

Pleasure Kink

Praise

Auralism (hearing people having sex)

Hairpulling

Exhibitionism

Three some (with Inoichi, kinda and cause you can’t convince me that the Ino-Shika-Cho first gen weren't swingers. Those men were real close)

Face fucking

Coercion (more or less)

Part Three?

———————————————————————

The tingles of neediness coat me, mixed with a layer of grogginess as I slowly shift out of sleep. Fear is the next thing to coat my senses, the feeling of something slithering through my pussy sparking it. "Good Morning, Sweet Girl. How'd you sleep?" The Nara chief's voice mutters, sending hot waves of breath across my very present arousal as his eyes look up at me.

Once the question is out, Shikaku tips his head down again, going back to lazily licking at me, toying with my clit before poking his tongue in, then making a slow trip back to my clit. "I... um... uh..." The answer won't form in my head, my eyes close as my hands ball up the sheet under me.

The events of the day before slowly filter in, making it even harder to form an answer. Shikamaru cheating. Shikaku 'apologizing' for his son. Shikaku pleading with me balls deep to stick around, to let him take care of me in any and every way I want. Shikaku filled me constantly, somehow managing to go the rest of the day with no problem. Shikaku buried between my thighs again and again, somehow between my knees more than he was in me.

"I slept good," I finally manage to push out, fluttering my eyes back open.

"Wonderful!" He cheers, his usual smirk coating his lips as his head picks up from its spot. "We have a busy day today," he tells me, slowly climbing up my body. Shikaku hooks his elbows under my knees, dragging my legs up with him as he crawls. "But, before you, pretty little thing, tug along with me for the day, I should properly greet you good morning," he says, leaning against me and pressing my knees into the mattress by my head.

Shikaku's nose brushes against mine, his dark eyes soft and admiring as he scans over my face. "Good morning, Sweet Girl. Thank you for spending the night with me."

"You're welc - mhm," the reply is cut off by Shikaku sinking into me. My pussy is raw and sensitive from constant use yesterday, a slight aching burn pooling with my arousal. Before I can stop myself, my hands shoot up, gripping the loose ends of his hair and tugging on it.

His head falls to the side I'm pulling it towards, eyes shiny and smile wide as he looks at me. "I know, I know. You ache, don't you? My poor Sweets. I promise as soon as we're done I'll help all those pains go away. But, for now, I need a little help with my morning wood, okay? Do you think you can help me with that?"

"Yes Commander," I murmur, tugging his head further to the side.

Shikaku gets off on my reactions, the ones he especially likes getting a chuckle from him, like this one is. "That's my Sweet Girl," he praises, working against me to settle his head on my shoulder. My painful cries are praised with kisses littered up and down my shoulder. "I'm sorry" and "Thank you" spilling on repeat from the older man as he slowly works himself in and out of me.

When I need a distraction from the pain, I tug on Shikaku's hair again, tugging his face closer to mine. "Oh, Sweet Girl," he coos, eyes sparkling at the sight of tears streaming down my cheeks. "You know I can't help myself when you cry," the chief mutters, lips brushing across my face to clean up my tears. "You're just going to dig yourself a deeper hole doing that. Calm yourself."

One of his hands drops from under my thigh, letting my legs tumble back to the bed. The hand still wrapped around my other leg pushes it further, as if the mattress will give way and let Shikaku snap me in half. His free hand snakes between us, ghosting over my clit, pulling another sob from me, and costing my cheeks in fresh tears. "Shikaku," I whine, trying to tug his hand away. "I'm - "

"I know, I know, I know. I've been overworking you. You're all sensitive and your cunt aches from stretching around me so much. I know, Sweets. I'm sorry for being so selfish, but I can't help it. The more you cry, the more I want to stuff you," he softly taunts, head dipped to suck on my titties for the first time today.

My nipples ache too from all the pinching and playing he did with them yesterday. Another sob comes from the added pain, my sight going blurry. "Damn it," he mutters, mouth snapping down on my nipple, his teeth tugging in it as he shoves himself into me. Shikaku tops off in me, coating my pussy in his cum. His chest pumps for air, mouth soft and pressing soft licks to my bruised tit as he calms himself down.

"I'm sorry, that was selfish of me. You're hurting and didn't get to finish. I'm sorry, Sweets," he mutters against my skin, slowly slamming his softening dick into me, shoving his cum deeper and deeper into me.

"Shikaku," I whine, snapping his head back, another round of chuckles spilling from him. "If you keep finishing in me, I'm going to get pregnant."

"I wish, Sweet Girl, but I'm shooting blankets. Don't worry your pretty little head."

Thank the Lord.

————————————

Shikaku's frame wraps around me, as we sway back and forth in the kitchen, singing along to the radio. I'm pressed up against the counter, caught between his arms as I watch him chop the vegetables for breakfast. "If you're crying in an unfamiliar town, even if I'm not by your side, I want to send you a smile," He hums in my ear, brushing a kiss against the shell of it now and again.

Once the vegetables are done, Shikaku settles the knife down, hands falling onto his T-shirt I'm wearing. His fingertips slide under the hem, toying with my stomach, swaying us more as he continues singing to me. "Even now, the shining, sparkling stars are shining on you," he whispers against my throat, ghosting kisses into my skin.

"Your hair tickles," I giggle, the mix of his hair and lips brushing against my neck making me stir.

"Oh, ya?" He asks, fingertips sliding over my sides, tickling me even more. "Does this tickle too? Does it?" He teases, fingers digging into my sides as I try to tug myself out of his hold.

"Shikaku!" I giggle, thrusting around in his arms. "Yes, it tickles! Knock it off!" My hands cling to his arms, trying to push them off me. My ribs are starting to hurt from laughing so much.

"Alright," he says, hands going still just under my boobs. "Be a Sweet Girl and set the table for me, okay?"

"Yes, Commander," I mutter, heat climbing up my cheeks now that the title has been tainted. My obedience is rewarded with a kiss to my cheek and a smack on my butt, pulling a soft yelp from me when Shikaku's hand lands.

As I walk around the kitchen collecting the kitchenware, tap after tap land on my ass, Shikaku giving me a love tap every time I pass him. "Commander!" I fake whine, another tap landing as he uses his bottom half to press me against the table.

"Sweet Girl," he mocks my voice, tugging his shirt up my body again. One hand keeps it tugged up, wrapped around the fingers he has pressed between my boobs. "You're so pretty," he praises, his free hand sliding down my stomach, and landing on my panties.

His fingertips dance over my clothes core, sparking my arousal as he toys with me. He prods at me, pressing against my hole and his dumb sliding over my clit. "Look at you, all sorts of excited," he chuckles, stratified with my growing wetness.

"Maybe don't fuck my girlfriend on the kitchen table," Shikamaru's voice cuts through the growing tension.

Shikaku rolls his eyes but does pull away from me, sulking back to the kitchen to finish breakfast. "Ex-girlfriend," I mutter, laying out the placements for dinner.

"What?" Shikamaru hisses, plopping in his unassigned seat at the table. His arms are crossed over his chest as he leans back in his chair, eyes hard and set on me.

"Ex-girlfriend," I repeat louder, focusing on setting the plates and silverware out. "I'm your ex-girlfriend, Shika."

"Well we never officially broke up, so - "

"I came home to you fucking Temari!" I yell, slamming one of the plates against the table, the glass giving way and breaking. "You fucked someone else, I fucked someone else. I'm pretty confident there's no better way to solidify a breakup."

"You didn't fuck someone else, you fucked my dad!"

"And I fucked him over and over and over again. I just fucked him this morning, and I sure as hell will do it again later!" I huff, glaring at the man I swore was the love of my life. "Don't forget, you're the one that cheated, not me."

"You! Fucked. My. Dad." He repeats, stressing the first word. His hands are boxed, moving to the left with every word, as if his motion while make me hear his words better. "My dad. Not Naruto, not Shino, not even Choji. My dad. My dad. You've known the man your whole life. You knew my mom your whole life! And you what? Honor her death by fucking her husband?"

"Shikamaru," I mutter, rubbing my hands up and down the sides of my head. "Your mom has been dead for years. It's not like I was fucking him when she was alive, because unlike you, your dad and I aren't cheaters."

"You're being a bitch. That's what you're doing, you're acting like a bitch right now."

"Okay," I sigh, turning on my heels and heading toward the kitchen. I need to clean up the broken plate and grab another one from the cabinet.

"Make sure you grab an extra plate. Temari will be awake soon and she'll probably want to eat too. After all, my dad isn't the only man in the house that has a bitch stay overnight!" He yells after me, a huff following his words.

"Whatever," I mumble, rolling my eyes at the distraught man. It's not my fault he cheated, and it's not my fault his dad makes me feel good. He's just pissed at himself.

"That was... interesting," Shikaku chuckles, poking into the rice pot to check on it.

"It was stressful," I correct, pulling two more plates out of the cabinet. "Your son is stressful and cannot admit when he's in the wrong."

"I'm sorry I didn't raise him better," the Commander apologizes for the hundredth time, his arms wrapping around my hips again. "Let me make it up to you."

"Shikaku," I whine, clicking my knees closed. "I can't. I really can't."

"I know, Sweet Girl. Your poor cunt is all sore but don't worry, I won't stretch you out this time," He soothes, the man turning me around, and lifting me onto the counter. My panties are stripped off and left lying on the floor before Shikaku sinks to his knees.

His arms rest on my thighs, clinging to them as his thumbs rub circles into me. "Come on, Sweet Girl. Let your Commander have a little taste. Let me have some Sweets before breakfast is done."

I let out a soft whimper but shift my legs open, getting a pleased smile and Shikaku's tongue sliding across his lips hungrily. "That's a good girl. You're so sweet to me." The compliment is followed by his tongue sliding through my folds, eagerly lapping at my pussy.

My fingers flutter over his shoulders before culling his face, my thumb running over the jagged scars on his face. Shikaku's head tilts up, lips wrapping around my clit as his eyes lock on me. "Hey," I whimper, a new sensation sparking through me as he hums against my pussy.

He sucks harder on my clit, continuing it for a few more moments before he releases it with a pop. "See? You're fine. Your pussy just needs a little rest from being filled. It doesn't mean you can't be enjoyed," he mutters, eyes glancing towards my chest that heaves and jumping from the noises I'm making.

Shikaku's tongue dips back in, repeating his lazy back and forth between teasing my hole and teasing my clit. It doesn't take long for the knot in my stomach to build, nails digging into his scalp as I'm shoved closer to release. "Shikaku," I whine, tugging on his hair. "Commander, Shikaku."

His tongue slides over my clit again, jump-starting my orgasm. "Fuck, fuck, fuck," I whine between moans, slamming my thighs against his face as my body tenses. "Damn it."

He chuckles, lapping up my juices that dribble onto his face. "Thank you, Sweet Girl," he praises, eyes as shiny as his face that's covered in me. "You're always so good to me. Now, put your pretty panties back on and go wait at the table for me to serve you breakfast," he orders, stamping kisses across my thighs. "Am I understood?"

"Yes, Commander," I slur out, clumsily climbing back to my feet.

Shikaku's hands crawl up and down my body, helping me keep my balance as I slide my underwear back on. "Good girl. Good, good girl. Always so pretty for me, so sweet, so taste," he coos, shoving his tongue into my mouth as his lips crash against mine. "Now, go sit down," he orders again, smacking my ass harder than the new usual.

"Yes, Commander," I repeat, heat racing to my cheeks as I grab the plates and waltz out toward the dinner table, the leftover sizzles of my arousal still bouncing between my thighs.

Shikamaru looks like he's not sure if he's going to throw up or punch someone when I walk in, anger fuming off of him. Turns out he wasn't lying, the blonde girl is sat next to him, eyes wide and fluttering between the two of us. "So..." she mutters, tapping her hands against the table.

"Just be quiet Temari," Shika grumbles, snatching a plate from me and laying it in front of her.

Someone isn't hitting it right, and it sure as hell isn't Shikaku.

————————————

"Thank you. Thank you so much, Sweet Girl," Shikaku breathes out, curses whispered under his breath as I bob my head up and down his penis.

The past week I've been joining Shikaku at work, the whole time I've begged to do some under-the-desk support. Today he finally gave in. Hence, me kneeling shirtless on a cushion under his desk with his dick down my throat and his hands attempting to be gentle in my hair. He clings to it, then he realizes how rough his hold is before his fingers go gentle again, repeating the cycle over and over again.

"My Sweet Girl - " Shikaku is cut off by a knock, his eyes flickering away from me to rest on the door. His hands slide out of my hair, culling my cheeks as he tries to calm himself. "Sweets - " Another knock comes, this time paired with a shout of his name. "Just stay put," he mutters, gently tapping my cheek as he pulls his erection out of my mouth, nearly putting himself away.

"Shikaku," I whine, trying - and failing - to take him back down my throat.

"Hush," he orders me, scooting in so I'm pressed into him more. "Just be silent," Shikaku says, resting my head on his lap, and slowly sliding his fingers through my hair. "Come in!" He calls, twirling the ends of a strand.

"Shikaku! We need to talk!" A voice shouts once the door is opened, said door slamming closed behind the person.

My eyes flicker up, scanning Shikaku for a reaction. He seems unfazed so everything is fine. I settle my hand back down in his lap, letting my eyes flicker closed.

"What in the world do you think you're doing, Shika?" Oh, it's Inoichi; Ino's dad and Shikaku's best friend. "You're sleeping with your son's girlfriend? Or... or dating her? What the hell are you two doing? What the hell are you doing?"

"I mean, we haven't put a title on it but ya we're... sleeping together and we've been spending more time together. It's not that big of a deal," Shikaku answers, twirling my hair tighter.

My eyes flutter open, glancing up again. His full focus is on his friend, which means... my eyes flicker down to his still-hard crotch, the outline of his bulge fighting against his pants making my mouth water.

"'It's not that big of a deal'?" Inoichi shrieks, his voice getting closer to the desk. "She is young enough to be your daughter, literally! I get... I get the whole Shikamaru cheating, and her being upset about it and all, I get that part, but really Shika? You're fucking her? What... what the hell is going through your mind? That you just want some young tail? That you're cool with being a rebound? What?"

Their fight continues the sound of their voices becoming background noise as I work him back out of his pants. His hands tighten on my hair, tugging my head away from his penis. Shikaku's eyes flicker down, sending me a warning to knock it off before his attention turns back to his fight.

I wiggle around between Shikaku's legs, tugging at his hands to let go. His split attention makes it easier for me to loosen his hold, letting my head fall far enough down to suck on his tip. My eyes jump up to his face, watching it contort as I suckle on him. His face flushes, jaw locking and unlocking as he talks, and hands knotted in my hair, gently pushing my head further down his length.

"I just..." Shikaku starts, cutting himself off as he huffs out a breath. "She's fun, okay? She makes life fun again. I haven't had that since Yoshino died. So what if I'm a rebound? At least I get to have some fun while she's recovering."

"Fun? Is that what you're calling it? Her blowing you under your desk, 'fun'? Thrilling, even?"

We both freeze from Inoichi’s observation. Maybe it wasn't the best idea to blow Shikaku with his friend, another high-ranked Shinobi, in the room. "Yes," Shikaku answers slowly, lengthening the word as he says it. His hands gently push my head again, encouraging me to start bobbing it.

My eyes flicker up again, being met with a soft smile. I keep my sights set as I slide down his length, his tip tapping against my throat and causing a gag to gurgle up. Shikaku takes control, moving me slowly and easily as I focus on sucking him. "I don't see why you don't try it out."

"Fucking my son's girlfriend? Do we need to talk about how that's impossible?"

"That's not... what I meant," Shikaku mumbles, his hands moving a bit faster as his orgasm approaches.

"Oh, so you meant fucking your son's girlfriend," Inoichi mocks, his tone sarcastic.

"I mean... no but if she's willing then whatever. You haven't fucked anyone since your wife died. Maybe getting some while help you unwind yourself a bit," the Commander says, eyes intensely on me as he shoves himself down my throat. I choke around him, more gagging coming as Shikaku spills out down my throat, his cum sliding down and filling my stomach instead of my pussy for once.

"I was... it was a joke. I was kidding," Inoichi races out as Shikaku slowly pulls himself out of my mouth. "I was..." I'm helped to my feet, the Commander's hands pawing at me as he pulls me out from under his desk. "I was... kidding," His friend mutters, eyes locked on my chest as Shikamaru settles me on his lap, my back pressed into his chest.

"Sweet Girl," he purrs in my ear, hands gripping my boobs, squeezing them with my bra between our skin. "Can't you be sweet and help Chief Yamanaka calm down? Please?"

"I don't... I don't know," I mutter, a blush crawling across my face because of Shikaku's hands toying with me and the thought of getting another man off.

"I won't mind, Sweets. After all, a good friend shares," he adds, sending a wink to his friend. "Only if you want to though. You don't have to do anything you don't want to. Do you want to? You want to fuck Inoichi?"

"N... no," I mumble, tingles swirling between my legs.

Shikaku hums in disagreement, a hand jumping down and sliding into my pants, quickly skirting past my panties as well. "That's not what your pussy says. You're all hot and bothered. Do you like the idea of taking the two of us? Do you want to be the center of attention in an orgy? How about you Inoichi? You want to fuck my 'too young for me' Sweets?"

Inoichi's eyes jump down, watching as his friend toys with me, fingers barely tipping into me to keep me squirming in his lap. His cheeks heat up too, eyes bouncing away but quickly moving back towards me. "I... she's..." He tries to say, cutting himself off with a hum and another eye flicker. "Yes," he whispers, eyes set on me again.

"How about you, Sweet Girl?" Shikaku whispers in my ear, finally thrusting the length of his fingers into me.

"Yes! Yes, yes, yes," I race out, clinging to his thighs as widen my legs, hoping it'll help his fingers reach into me deeper. Shikaku chuckles, curling his fingers a few times before pulling them out of me. "Shikaku!"

"Sweet Girl!" He teases, picking me up to rest me on my feet. "You won't die because you have to wait a minute or two," he tells me, a hand sliding up my bare back to unclasp my bra. Once it's tugged off of me, Shikaku's focus switches to tugging my bottoms off, leaving me bare in his office. "Door please."

Inoichi turns on his heels, closing the door and locking it before heading back towards the desk. What the hell did I just sign myself up for?

———————————————————————

#naruto shippuden #naruto shippuden oneshot #naruto shippuden x reader #naruto shippuden smut #shikaku nara smut #shikaku smut #shikaku oneshot #Shikaku Nara oneshot #shikaku x reader #shikaku nara x reader #shikaku nara

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hinus · 2 months

Text

I, Unfortunately, Need Help

>>> https://ko-fi.com/hinusart <<<

To cut it short, I'm asking for donations...I'm sorry I haven't been active let alone posting any new art, but I've not been in the mental space to do so and I don't really have the time for it right now. I want to, but, mentally, I've been in a daily nightmare. I'm currently receiving treatment for my issues for the first time in 6 years but that's sort of risking being pushed to the side. I'm about to be extremely tight on money, as in risking missing important payments on debt & other basic necessities tight. I still have my main job, but surprise surprise -- having two major surgeries and moving in a single year has left me absolutely strapped for cash and deeper in debt than I'd like to admit since I missed more work that I would've liked because of those things. I've applied to over 30 jobs, had several interviews, with no luck actually landing a second job and every day I've spent working hours while barely managing my mental health and it's led me to procrastinating things I should've had done by now.

I'm extremely embarrassed, and honestly ashamed, but I've wrung my options dry, I have no one to turn to for support financially as I basically have no family now, and I genuinely don't know what to do other than panic, and panic. So here I am, unfortunately asking for any generosity people can give so I can dig myself out of this hole. I want to go back to Morgott posting and being silly, but the past 2 years has basically rocket thrusted me into new lows despite being in a better place.

All in all, I have to take $2,000 of my earnings from work and put it into paying off taxes, which is way more than I had calculated I'd owe, and I'll be honest, that is well over what I make in a month sometimes. I only have like $200 in savings and that's just enough to cover internet & electric bills. I'm pushing to work as many hours as possible, and I'm still job hunting with very little luck but it's coming down to the wire for when its due and I feel like I'm going to pull my hair out.

So uh, if you wanna help a trans fella out, a few dollars is appreciated. I'm going to try and at least make some new content soon if anxiety doesn't get to me to make up for my absence.

Thank you, for any and all help, even if I don't make it anywhere close to that amount, even if I have to put all my income into it, even just a few donations would be enough to cover smaller bills to get me through this.

>>> https://ko-fi.com/hinusart <<<

#hinus.txt #help #signal boost #crowdfund #mutual aid

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ajvocals43 · 2 years

Text

How to Say “I Love You”

Pairing: Matt Murdock x Reader

Word Count: 651

Warnings: slight anxiety, fluff, my stuttering stupid brain (sorry), GN!reader (no use of pronouns, one use of Y/n)

Summary: The reader gets anxious trying to tell Matt something.

“What is it, Y/n?” Matt asked, concerned. “Well, we’ve been together for a little while now and I-I wanted to talk about our relationship. Because I-I…” I had to turn away because this was getting embarrassing. “I don't understand. What are you trying to tell me? Do you want to…break up?” “No! No. Not even close. Ugh I suck at this!” I buried my face in my hands miserably because I didn't want to break up with him, but I couldn't speak English to save my life apparently. “Then what’s wrong?” I got up from his couch and started pacing because the frustration was taking over and I didn't know how to say those stupid 3 words. “I don't know what's wrong with me. It shouldn't be that hard. If I could just shut my stupid anxiety-ridden brain off for 3 SECONDS maybe I could-” Suddenly Matt was standing right in front of me, stopping me and my nonsense in my tracks. “Slow down, Sweetheart. Breathe.” He held on to my arms as he waited for me to follow his instructions. He waited patiently, his head tilted to the side and I could tell he was waiting for my racing heart to slow. When he was satisfied with what he heard he straightened again before asking, “Now, slowly, tell me what you need to say.” “I… wanted to say that I-I…” I steadied myself before saying, “am an idiot!” I groaned in frustration as somehow the words wouldn't come out of me correctly. I let my head fall against his chest as I wallowed in my misery. This was not at all how I'd wanted tonight to go. What I had planned seemed so easy. A nice, simple dinner and then I would tell him how I felt. Without stuttering. But then I got nervous and things came out completely wrong and now I was struggling to even explain why I was acting like a complete maniac. “That's not true.” He held me to him, not letting go as he said softly, “Whatever is going on in that pretty little head of yours, I can't help until you tell me.” He punctuated this with an equally soft kiss to my temple that almost brought me to tears because if I could just get the stupid words out this would all be going so much better. He waited patiently for me to speak up. And finally, I did. I groaned and pushed myself free of his hold and went back to pacing as I said, “I wanted to tell you I loved you without stuttering, but as you can tell, that failed horribly; and now I'm trying to save myself from further embarrassment but I just keep digging this hole deeper and deeper and deeper.” He’d stayed in the same place but called out from behind me, “You wanted to tell me what?” I didn't even think as I turned around and said, “I love you.” My eyes closed in exasperation with myself, when I turned and saw the smirk on his face, it hit me. I had to smile, that bastard. “Nice, Murdock. How long ago did you find out?” He chuckled. “I heard you practicing outside my apartment.” “And you let me sit here and ramble like an idiot?!” “I was letting you get there on your own.” He said with a small shrug as he made his way towards me again. “Plus, you're kind of adorable when you're nervous.” “Yeah? Well, next time, don't let me almost break up with you before I get to my actual point.” I huffed, frustrated. He pulled me back into his arms as he said, “Well, next time I'll be sure to not let that happen.” He chuckled before placing a soft kiss on my lips. “I love you.” I said. “Terrible decision, really.” He leaned in and pressed his lips to mine in a soft kiss before saying sweetly, “I love you, too.”

Masterlist

#matt #Matt Murdock #Matthew Murdock #marvel cinematic universe #human disaster matt murdock #matt murdock fanfiction #matt murdock fic #matt murdock fluff #Matt Murdock Daredevil #matt murdock fanfic #matt murdock imagine #matt murdock x reader #matt murdock x reader fluff #matt murdock x gn!reader #matt murdock x you

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gt-jar · 3 days

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About your recent post, I first wanna say that I’ve been obsessed with Two Worlds Among the Stars ever since I first discovered it, and even if chapter 8 is a filler episode I’m sure myself and many others will still love it!

I don’t have too many ideas, but something I’d like to see in the next chapter is Noah’s true feelings starting to shine through, even if just barely. Maybe Noah could begin to realize that he can trust John, even if he doesn’t realize that he realized it yet (that probably makes no sense but I’m not sure how else to phrase it lol). It makes sense (to me at least) for it to be a chapter of slow new beginnings. Some of the stuff I mentioned might work well as a focus for chapter 9, so chapter 8 could be leading up to it.

Also, I completely understand the frustrations that come with having no idea what to write for the next part in a series, it can be VERY annoying. I hope you’re able to overcome this though, and good luck on writing the next chapter! I’ll be looking forward to it, even if it takes longer than usual.

Before I get into detail, let me just say that I'm gonna treasure this ask forever. Everytime I read something like this from one of my readers I want to hug that person so bad, because I'm just so thankful.

Like I said in this post, I don't care if my story isn't seen by hundreds of people, literally doesn't matter to me if my story has 20 or 2000 readers. I care about what my readers think of my story (like every writer) and ofc I'd like to know what they think.

So again...

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR SENDING ME THIS!

It's a shame that you sent me this as anon (though very understandable), but just so you know... I wouldn't mind seeing you in my dms :)

I also wanna thanks everybody else who left a comment under my last post!

I didn't reply to any of those yet, because here is what I wanna do...

I'm going to list every idea and leave my two cents and... just ramble a bit? You won't believe how much rambling helps when I'm having trouble to write a chapter.

1. Anon:

When it comes to writing the change in Noah's (and John's) character, I like to sorta... sprinkle in little pieces of those changes. Like Noah secretly yearning for affection in chapter 7.

And I think that's exactly what chapter 8 is missing, because in chapter 9 (and the one after that) there's going to be a major shift in Noah's and John's relationship because... stuff happens and things get revealed :) You're in for some sweet hurt/comfort mixed with some fluff. (Super excited to write those two chapters, but being stuck at the one before that aaaaaaahhhhh)

But this shift needs to feel natural. So like you've said Noah's more vulnerable side needs to shine through, but I just... Dont! Know! How! Because while I want/need to sprinkle in one of those small soft moments, it can't be anything major.

For example: Noah yearning for affection -> John figuring that out right away and just giving it to him -> too rushed, doesn't feel natural, boring

So yes everything you've said is true, I just don't know how to write it :')

2. @da3dm:

Someone wandering in and discovering Noah is still alive.

Veeeeeery unlikely. The people from Noah's village don't care about him. He's just another orphan, it's not like they don't have enough of those already. And even if there are some people who took pity on him in the past, they certainly don't care enough to put their on life in danger. All of them "know" what happens when they cross the river, so no one in their right mind is gonna do that anytime soon.

2. @coffehbeans:

John questioning if he is doing the right thing.

Oooohhh boy, trust me John is questioning all of his life choices that led up to this point. He knows their situation is less than ideal, but what other choice does he have? (-> John's pov in chapter 4). He's already going behinds his chief's back by keeping Noah a secret and not immediately informing him about the situation, he won't dig his hole even deeper by bringing the human back and risking that more humans come to his place (or giant territory in general). He's doing damage control, but mostly he's trying to maintain the little control he's left. And let's forget that he's very much sailing uncharted waters.

John encounters someone that will make him question his decision.

I'm curious, who are you thinking of? Because like I said that someone being a human is off the table and a giant standing up for a human? One of John's tribe, that is hiding from Noah's kind? That doesn't care about humanity at best? Most of them might be against killing humans, but that doesn't mean they wanna mingle.

Introducing a character that actually cares about Noah.

I think I need to question all of my writing decisions, if you think John doesn't care :'D

He may not care about Noah on a personal level yet, but he definitely cares about his well-being, even though Noah doesn't get that (yet).

3. @mabelisthebatman:

Someone stops by to visit John.

Let's just say someone is going to visit John (but not in chapter 8), but the situation is not gonna unfold in the way you described. All I'm gonna say is, there can't be comfort without hurt :)

4. @small-but-oho:

John and Noah avoiding each other as much as possible.

Before I start I wanna say how much I enjoyed following your reading process :3 It's always fun to watch someone read my story "live". Absolutely love seeing a user leave a like on every chapter every few minutes, but it's even better when they reblog it aswell and leave a comment in the tags. Also really loved your insight and acknowledging that they both are overwhelmed and deal with raw emotions right now (would love to talk more btw). I think no one else on tumblr pointed that out yet.

As for your suggestions: That would be soooo in-character for them! Noah... for obvious reason, and John just doesn't know how to handle the situation and doesn't want to make it worse. If Noah wasn't sick this totally would've happened, after their "fight" in chapter 6.

I don't know if you read the 7th chapter, but with Noah being sick and acting so different in comparison to his usual self, John is worried and tries his best to help him, because even though they aren't on good terms John doesn't like to see the kid in pain.

To be clear I DON'T wanna belittle any of your ideas, I loved reading every single one of them! I just wanted to ramble (helps me a lot with getting a feel for my characters again after a long writing pause). Sadly I don't get character related asks very often, so I don't have many opportunities to just ramble/infodump/etc.

So again...

THANK YOOOOOOUUUUU!!!!!

Didn't really make much process on chapter 8 though. It's still missing something. But I finally figured out where I'm going to place a specific scene (chapter 8) and I thought of something I want add to chapter 9, so I count this as a win^^

#giant/tiny #g/t #g/t community #my-rambling-jar #ask #OC: John #OC: Noah

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fullstcp · 1 month

Text

"Manic" by Halsey Sentence Starters

ASHLEY

"I can't remember why the decision wasn't mine."

"It seems I'm only clinging to an idea now."

"Took my heart and sold it out to a vision that I wrote myself."

"Someday, when I burst into flames, I'll leave you the dust."

"I told you I'd spill my guts."

"Seems like now it's impossible to work this out."

"I'm so committed to an old ghost town."

"Is it really that strange if I always wanna change?"

"If only the time and space between us wasn't lonely."

"I'd disintegrate into a thousand pieces."

"Think I'm making a mistake."

"But if I decide to break, who will fill the empty space?"

"I told you I'd ride this out."

"It's getting harder every day."

"Somehow, I'm bursting out of my self."

CLEMENTINE

"In my world, the people on the street don't know my name."

"In my world, I'm seven feet tall."

"In my world, I'm constantly having a breakthrough. Or a breakdown. Or a blackout."

"Would you make out with me underneath the shelter of the balcony?"

"I don't need anyone."

"I just need everyone and then some."

"Wish I could see what it's like to be the blood in my veins."

"Can you feel it too when I am touching you?"

"Left my shoes in the street so you'd carry me."

"Would you make out with me on the floor of the mezzanine?"

"I left my daydreams at the gate because I just can't take them too."

"Know my heart still has a suitcase, but I still can't take it through."

GRAVEYARD

"It's crazy when the thing you love the most is the detriment."

"Let that sink in."

"The hand you wanna hold is a weapon and you're nothing but skin."

"I keep digging myself down deeper."

"I won't stop 'til I get where you are."

"They say I may be making a mistake."

"I would've followed all the way, no matter how far."

"I would've followed all the way to the graveyard."

"You push right through me."

"It's funny how the warning signs can feel like they're butterflies."

YOU SHOULD BE SAD

"I gotta get it off my chest."

"Got no anger, got no malice. Just a little bit of regret."

"Know nobody else will tell you, so there's some things I gotta say."

"You're not half the man/woman you think that you are."

"I'm so glad I never ever had a baby with you."

"You can't love nothing unless there's something in it for you."

"I feel so sorry, I feel so sad."

"I tried to help you, it just made you mad."

"I had no warning about who you are."

"I'm just glad I made it out without breaking down, and then ran so fucking far."

"I really meant well from the start."

"Take a broken man/woman right in my hands and then put back all his/her parts."

"You can't fill the hole inside of you with money, girls, and cars."

"You should be sad."

FOREVER ... (IS A LONG TIME)

"I spent a long time watering a plant made out of plastic."

"I cursed the ground for growing green."

"I spent a long time substituting honest with sarcastic."

"I cursed my tongue for being mean."

"You cut me open, sucked the poison from an aging wound."

"Who'd reach out and grab the moon if I should ask or just imply that I wanted a bit more light?"

"I could never hold a perfect thing and not demolish it."

"What am I thinking?"

"What does this mean?"

"How could somebody ever love me?"

DOMINIC'S INTERLUDE

"Your eyes are fragile and timeless, it's beautiful."

"There's power in the words you whisper."

"Your eyes are open when you kiss him/her."

"You can take a chance, come take my hand."

I HATE EVERYBODY

"I'm my own biggest enemy."

"All my empathy's a disaster."

"I don't know what they all think of me."

"I don't even remember anything but thinking you're the one."

"I can force a future like it's nothing."

"I'll just hate everybody."

"Why can't I go home without somebody?"

"I could fall in love with anybody who don't want me."

"I just keep saying I hate everybody, but maybe I don't."

"I know I've got a tendency to exaggerate what I'm seeing."

"I know that it's unfair of me to make a memory out of a feeling."

"I notice every single thing that's ever happening in a moment."

"Infatuation's observation with a cause."

"But none of it is love."

"If I could make you love me, maybe you could make me love me."

"If I can't make you love me, then I'll just hate everybody."

3AM

"Think I took it way too far."

"My insecurities are hurting me."

"Someone please come and flirt me."

"I really need a mirror that'll come along and tell me that I'm fine."

"I do it every time."

"I keep on hanging on the line, ignoring every warning sign."

"Come on and make me feel alright again."

"I'm calling everybody that I know."

"I need it digital cause, baby, when it's physical I end up alone."

"I know it's complicated."

"Know that my identity's always getting the best of me."

"I'm the worst of my enemies."

"I don't really know what to do with me."

"Will you please pick up the fucking phone?"

WITHOUT ME

"Found you when your heart was broke."

"I filled your cup until it overflowed."

"Took it so far to keep you close."

"I was afraid to leave you on your own."

"I said I'd catch you if you fall."

"If they laugh, then fuck 'em all."

"Tell me, how's it feel sitting up there?"

"You know I'm the one who put you up there."

"Gave love about a hundred tries."

"Just running from the demons in your mind."

"I didn't notice cause my love was blind."

"You don't have to say just what you did."

"I already know."

"I had to go and find out from them."

"So tell me, how's it feel?"

FINALLY // BEAUTIFUL STRANGER

"You've got hips like Jagger and two left feet."

"I wonder if you'd like to meet."

"Your voice is velvet through a telephone."

"I've never seen a mouth that I would kill to kiss."

"I'm terrified, but I can't resist."

"Beautiful strangers only come along to do me wrong."

"I think it's finally safe for me to fall."

"I've never recognized a purer face."

"You stopped me in my tracks and put me right in my place."

"Used to think that loving meant a painful chase."

"You're right here now and I think you'll stay."

ALANIS' INTERLUDE

"I can't change my appetite."

"It doesn't matter to me."

"I have never felt the difference."

"I think I'll probably die before I have you."

"I live for loving impolite."

KILLING BOYS

"Told me pick my battles and be picking 'em wise. But I wanna pick 'em all and I don't wanna decide."

"Tell me, have you ever keyed a Ferrari before?"

"I won't ever feel this way again."

"Cause you don't need me anymore."

"I won't ever try again."

"All I want in return is revenge."

"So where do you go?"

"I don't wanna Uma Thurman your ass."

"I don't need you anymore."

SUGA'S INTERLUDE

"I've been trying all my life to separate the time between the having it all and giving it up."

"I wonder what's in store if I don't love it anymore."

"Wanna scream, but what's the use?"

"Feeling so incomplete."

"Wonder will we ever meet?"

"Would you know it right away, how hard I tried to see your face?"

"I still believe it won't be like before."

"When you decide it's your time to arrive, I've loved you for all of my life."

STILL LEARNING

"I should be living the dream."

"I got a paranoia in me."

"I know that I've done some wrong, but I'm tryna make it right."

"Get me out right now."

"And know that I love you."

"I'm still learning to love myself."

"No one wants to really commit."

929

"Can't remember half the time that I've been alive."

"They say don't meet your heroes, they're all fucking weirdos."

"God knows that they were right."

"Because nobody loves you, they just try to fuck you."

"Who do you call when it's late at night?"

"I wasn't in love then, and I'm still not now. And I'm so happy I figured that out."

"I've got a long way to go until self-preservation."

"I think my moral compass is on a vacation."

"I'm still looking for my salvation."

#rp memes #rp starters #rp prompts #rp lyric meme #lyric prompts #lyric starters #sentence starters #roleplay starters #roleplay prompts #not the old me. 2.0 me. no it's all of meme combined (ask meme)#when there was me and queue (queue)

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dracanianwyvern · 3 months

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Fuck it. Long post incoming, which hopefully will be my final shit on this whole drama. Below the cut, read if you want.

While yes, you made the tpc tags kerf, that does not mean you can try and gatekeep somebody out of another tag they made. If you don't want to see somebody in a tag you made, just block them. You do not have to gatekeep a tag of a community they are in, it just comes off as rude.

Also, this next bit is directed at both you and cintagonisupset, if you did not want a debate over something you posted make it clear on the post otherwise others will debate with you about it. Also, you both intruded on a conversation between two blogs. Yes it was on one of your posts, but you were not involved in the conversation. You could of handled this situation very differently, but you didn't.

You two instigated the whole drama just by wording a request wrong and then going out of your way to harass those with a different opinion to you, while yes you most likely had your reasonings behind it... it most likely isn't a good enough reason to have done what you did.

Next section? Cintagonisupset, this is mainly about you now.

From what I've heard, you've been an absolute dick to a multitude of people and from the confidence of others speaking up from this current drama, they're speaking up. Not to mention, you haven't given your side of these new issues. So, I cannot even be in your side for all this drama from the hole you have dug yourself into here. Karma is collecting your debts, and OH BOY will it be messy. You did this to yourself, nobody can help you now.

Dulcetmoony, don't think your getting off the hook either.

You had said you were willing to talk it out with those you affected, only to apologise and then block goldy before they could respond. You weren't involved from the start, yet you jumped in anyway to defend your friends. I get that, but you could have been WAY MORE civil about it. But you weren't, and here we are instead.

I'm willing to tear into myself here too., I know I'm not above what I've contributed.

I got involved, I sent an anon hate ask which I still regret even though the one I sent it too has forgiven me for it. I got involved by sending the information to prettybeegkittykat via some asks, therefore "stirring the pot" [captain-kretsnik's words, not mine] more then it already had been. I caused myself to loose a mutual over this, however in my eyes? I shouldn't be blaming myself for a good portion of this, yet I am. Plus, I had been planning on creating art for captain-kretsnik at some point. Never got round to it.

Finally, a message to all involved.

This could have been handled alot better then it was, but now? Now we've got to deal with the pit we all helped dig, and karma will not let it go by cleanly for some. This is one deep pit, and it appears it might go deeper. I've already tried to fill in my contribution to this hole, both with the two past posts relating to it and now this one. I hope you all can do the same.

#loooong post #vent ish #tpc drama

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scarwwe · 2 years

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Mommy | Rhea x Reader | Smut

AN: I didn't really edit this so please do be upset at any mistakes <3

CW: Mommy kink, smut, toys, degrading, choking.

Rhea's hand wraps around my neck and I can't help but moan when I feel her other hand run up my thigh, to my inner thigh, her fingers just gently grazing my underwear. "Rhea." I groan in protest. She squeezes my throat harder and swats my thigh. "Who?" She asks wickedly, before releasing her grip so I can speak "Mommy please!" I beg making her smirk.

"Please what, babygirl?" She says, continuing to tease me, her hands graze over my underwear once more, lighting dipping in before leaving. I groan in protest and try and roll my hips into Rhea. Rhea leans down and brushes her lips against mine and I just whine, making her darkly chuckle. "Come on use your words." She coaxes gently. I huff and close my mouth, Rhea smirks and tilts her head as if she's daring me to continue to disobey. I fight the urge to smile and keep my mouth glued shut.

"Alright." She says getting off me. I sit up, wanting to watch what she's going to do, when she roughly pushes me against the bed. "Lay down!" She growls her leg locking with mine so I can't fight her. Her other leg spreads mine and one of her hands pins me down. My heart begins to race and I feel myself getting wet. Gosh, I love this woman, and I want her desperately. Rhea gets off me again, I can't help but whine.

I lay flat against the bed, not wanting to push my luck quite yet. I listen as Rhea digs thru our wardrobe, I bite my lip my mind going thru all our toys and I'm just waiting I want her to touch me so bad.

I take a deep breath as Rhea walks over, she drags her nails up my legs. I look up at her but she turns my head away making me pout. "Rhea-" I complain. Rhea grumbles and swats my thigh again. "I'm sorry mommy," I say immediately, bucking my hips up slightly. "Good, you needy whore." She says grabbing onto my wrists. "Mommy no," I whine as she handcuffs my wrists together. "No touching." She demands. "Why," I ask pushing my hips up again, she just chuckles in response and grabs something beside me, I hear slight buzzing and I gasp when she presses a small bullet toy against my panties, already damped from Rhea's words and actions. "Mommy." I moan trying to push myself against her hand. "Thrust up again whore and I'll stop." She commands. "Yes, mommy." I respond eagerly, and she pushes a little deeper seemingly happy with my response, my mouth falls open, and my eyes flutter closed "I want you please mommy." I beg. "Not yet baby girl." She responds quickly, I whine in response, and try and turn my head back towards her.

Rhea pushes the toy deeper, just teasing me more I can't help but roll my hips and she immediately pulls away. "Noooo," I whine desperately, Rhea bites her lip and quickly gets on the bed and yanks down my panties. She wraps her hands around my thighs and she dips down and flicks her tongue against my clit. "Mommy," I whine trying to grind against her, but she holds me too tight.

For ten agonizing minutes, she runs her pierced tongue along my thighs occasionally grazing against my clit, or into my hole. My whole body begins to shake with every light touch as I grow more and more desperate.

"Mommy please, please mommy I can't wait, please make me cum, please." I cry out feeling my wetness becoming almost too much to bear, my walls aching.

She finally fully thrusts her tongue into me deeply and begins to devour me. "Thank you, mommy." I moan out loudly making her hum. "Fuck." I curse digging my head into the mattress, lost in, please. She begins to suck on my clit and slides two of her fingers inside me. I feel drool run out my mouth, and my legs grow numb.

"Mommy please let me cum." I beg gripping Rhea's short hair, ignoring the handcuffs. Rhea speeds up sending me straight into my orgasm. I cry out and mt legs start to shake when she quickly pulls away. "Nonononono," I beg squeezing my thighs together jerking forward desperate to chase my ruined orgasm.

"Mommy," I whine as my whole vagina throbs. "Now that was for the silent treatment earlier." She says sadistically. Her fingers graze against my clit and I my whole body shutters with need.

"Now babygirl you're going to make me cum if you ever expect to get your high tonight you understand me." She commands. I nod quickly responding. "Yes, mommy." She roles on her back, and I quickly slide my tongue around her clit.

I could never get tired of how Rhea tastes, she leaves me always wanting more. I eagerly lap up her wetness, the wetness I created, Rhea begins to moan, as I push my tongue deeper inside her. "Lay on- on your back." She demands, moaning midway threw the sentence.

I quickly listen, Rhea pins my hands above my head and eagerly sits down on my face. I immediately get back to work, thrusting my tongue inside my beautiful girlfriend when she begins to grind against my face my thighs tighten, as I desperately try and get some relief. My hips jump forward when I feel her place the bullet toy against my clit. I didn't even hear her turn it on.

I moan into her pussy earning a loud groan from her lips. I can't help but whimper as I try to make my beautiful girl cum. "Just like that good girl," Rhea says softly, still rocking on my face. Her moans get louder and louder as I work Rhea threw her orgasm, tasting as much as I can get.

She moves the toy and gets off me. "I'm gonna fuck you baby girl." She says. I whine with desperation and watch her put on the strap, her legs a little shaky.

Rhea crawls on top of me and unlocks my wrists. She begins to rub the strap against my fold. "I want you please mommy," I ask gently. Rhea smiles and thrusts in. "Mommy." I moan out as she bottoms out and begins to roughly fuck me.

"Take it like a good girl Y/N," Rhea says. My mouth opens as she rails me, I already want to cum. "You're getting close aren't you baby girl?" She asks. "Yes," I whine out. "Then cum whore." She tells me before deeply kissing me. I immediately cum on command, my hips rolling against the bed, all kinds of curse words falling from my lips. Rhea just speeds up making me yelp. She bites down on my neck and begins to play with my clit driving me insane.

She edged me so much that I can't help but feel my next orgasm getting closer. "Mommy don't stop please," I beg gripping onto her defined muscles. "Keep cumming for me babygirl." She says making my body shake. "Rhea." I moan loudly, feeling my liquid soak our sheets. Rhea pounds me through my orgasm, before slowing to a stop.

I'm a panting mess when she lets go of me and Rhea just smiles. "Fuck I love you." She says making me chuckle. "I love you too," I respond quietly

#wwe smut #rhea ripley x reader #rhea ripley #rhea ripley smut #wwe imagines

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akai-anna · 3 months

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Hiya! I'm sure you're already aware, but since your DCMK gift giver dropped out, your gift giver has been switched to me :D How are you doing today?

I have to say, all the platonic relationships you listed out on your form really called to my heart (like the sakura trio, detective boys, mouri family unit, etc etc)! All of those characters are super near and dear to me, and I love seeing them interact ^_^ I noticed you seemed to especially like Vermouth as well--- what do you think of her character? I just think she's like, really cool whenever she appears on screen hehe

Also, I just saw your recent post about the new spy x family chapter--- I'm glad that other people were getting major Detective Conan vibes too, it was so cute! I'm not sure if you're interested in detco fanfiction, but it really reminded me of this really good SpyFam x Detco crossover fic on AO3 called 'Forged', by HikariAA. If Anya was a detective, murder cases would get solved much quicker, wouldn't they?

(In addition, forgive me for snooping through your blog, but I just wanted to ask about how your darling dog is doing now--- the one you mentioned in your other DCMK anon ask. You don't have to answer, of course! Regardless, all the best wishes to you and her.)

Hope you have a great day, and I'm looking forward to working on your gift ^_^ !

OH MY GOSH, HI!!!

Yes, I've been notified of the change, and thus welcome thee, with great enthusiasm! Thank you so much for accepting to be my gift giver so late in the event. *bows*

Thank you, I'm doing well today so far. A bit apprehensive, since I have an interview today, but I'll try to make the most of it. And once I get home I hope to get a few things done that I've been meaning to (but got distracted from gkjnfjkbn). And let me throw back the question at you: how are you doing yourself, lovely? Also, I would like to hear more about what you like about DCMK! Pehaps you could tell me something that you cherish a lot yet feel you don't see enough appreciation for?

A PLATONIC RELATIONSHIP ENTHUSIAST!!! And gosh, I agree so much, THEY ARE SO PRECIOUS, and they are the reason I'm stuck in DCMK. (I am digging myself deeper and deeper into this hole, and enjoying it.) I live for their interactions, be it in fanworks or canon. And you are 100% right: I adore Vermouth! (As I gushed about that in this particular ask, gosh.) But in short: I love how she is a morally grey. The way she can kill and deceive without batting an eye, being very competent too, only to have her 2 little treasures whom she would protect with everything she has, meaning her own life too? I love her. I love her SO MUCH. It's such a shame she appears so little, NOW THAT IS THE CRIME!!! I'd love to see more of her (WHERE IS MY VERMOUTH BACKSTORY- *GETS HIT*)

SPY X FAMILY IS ALSO PRECIOUS TO ME (THE MOST ADORABLE FAKE/FOUND FAMILY EVER, MY HEART), and to see the reference to DetCo in the most recent chapter? My heart absolutely MELTED, to witness two of my eternal favourites fused together. AND I'M VERY INTERESTED IN FANFICTION (in general and for DetCo too), YES, YES, YES. In fact, no day passes without reading a bit of fanfiction, since I tend to read between the time I go to bed and fall asleep. AND I HAVEN'T HEARD OF THAT FIC BUT I'M VERY EXCITED TO CHECK IT OUT NOW!!! (I love recs, I ADORE RECS.) THANK YOU SO MUCH!!! And yes *laughs* Anya would be a great help for sure!

And snooping is more than welcome, feel free to do so in the future, if you want to! AND THANK YOU, fortunately she is doing SO MUCH BETTER, she is not yet fully healed (liver needs lots of time to regenerate), but she is eating with gusto (very good sign) and is more enthusiastic and active (also very good sign)! We are due for a check up in a few weeks, to see if all the medication worked as it should. I forgot to take pictures of her, but have these fairly recent ones (right after she started feeling better) as a treat, of my lil darling. (You have no idea how happy I am to still have her with me, BABY DARLING.)

THANK YOU, AND I HOPE YOU HAVE A GREAT DAY TOO!!!

#asks #anon #rosie #dcmk exchange #i'm truly grateful that you are here! thank you!!!#i enjoyed answering your ask a lot!!!#TO HAVE SOMEONE ELSE TO GUSH ABOUT PLATONIC RELATIONSHIPS WITH!!! WHAT AN HONOUR AND DELIGHT!!!#i have a couple dcmk asks i did for a ship bingo in which i ment and talked about OFC mainly platonic/familial relationships kdjfndkfjg #my brain is just Wired Like That #but detco is just so great on that front: the characters feels so organic and the way they interact is SO MUCH FUN!!!#gosh i'm so excited to hear your reply and chat with you more!#again: HOPE YOU HAVE A GREAT DAY!!!

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fereldanwench · 1 year

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just some somewhat vague personal life ramblings under le cut:

(cw for mental health stuff) ((im okay now but i definitely wasn't lmao))

i had a really good talk with my brother last week--we were seriously on the phone for almost 4 hours--and I'm not gonna get into most of the specifics, but it was very enlightening and validating on some lifelong struggles we both dealt with in our family and how that's impacted us as adults. (although i think they impacted me more as the oldest daughter.)

more specifically, i did talk a lot about how i was fucking miserable last fall, and i knew i was miserable in the moment, but i don't think i did fully realize to what extent. i just could not dig myself out of the mental hole, and every time i tried, it just felt like quicksand--struggling to get out just made me feel like i was sinking deeper. yanno. classic depression shit.

and a lot of it is related to my professional life. tl;dr - last spring i had to go back to a job i hate because i couldn't find anything else and my husband was about to lose his job at the time, and it's almost been a year and i'm still getting fucked over by being in this psuedo-manager position while i am not being paid for it despite ten months worth of meetings trying to rectify this.

i wanted (still want) out so bad, but i couldn't even update my resume or look at job listings without just completely spiraling. the job-hunting process just felt... worse than being employed at a job i hate, i guess. not feeling like i could find a good match, the stupid corporate lingo in listings, easy applies not actually being easy, recruiters who never actually read my resume, dehumanizing interviews, straight-up scams--i couldn't fucking do it.

and on top of that, i had to carry me and the husband financially for about half a year. i don't want to rehash all that, but suffice to say i just felt like everything was on me, and i had no one to turn to for anything. he did find something that ended up being a really good fit, and he's been working for about 4.5 months now, which did help my mental state a lot. but even that took a while to mend those particular struggles.

but i think having an honest, empathetic conversation about all of this was really what i needed to move forward. i had just been burying so much of this deep down for so long that i was just never in the right mental place to actually fucking deal with it and move on.

and then last night i just got a burst of motivation and finally updated my resume, and i didn't even feel the urge to cry, lmao. not once. still wish evil things on people who write job listings but baby steps.

however, i'm actually not in a huge rush at this exact moment to leave my current job despite my many grievances--we don't get vacation leave until at least a year of employment, so i have to wait until this may to get a whopping two weeks of paid leave. i can stick out another two months for that.

i would like to be out by the end of this summer at the latest, though, and i would l like to not have to rush into another job that'll end up fucking me over one way or another. so i definitely need to start the process now.

and it's basically spring here! i got my little porch garden going yesterday which is like an automatic mental boost. loving the sunshine and warm, but not stiflingly hot, afternoons 💐☀️🌿

#t: wench.txt

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thisismycorneroftheinternet · 3 months

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Fucking how tf am I supposed to not feel like shit and always anxious if shit never fucking improves?? I am not that fucking self-deluded to fool myself into thinking this is still a good situation somehow. Yeah sure, there's always deeper in the hole, thank fuck I am not literally digging through the trash for bones to get some protein in my meals like the poor in this city that got featured in that grotesque, horror circus-style magazine story I remember reading about in the pandemic, but that sort of thought does not make life any easier when you're still having to rely on free food that takes you a total of 2h to get, per meal, and now donations from your sister's fiancee to get by the month.

And then yet I have to deal with my sister fucking throwing a hissy fit at any time I fucking complain about (1) thing, but also debase any fucking medical help I'm trying to get because apparently according to her, I'm not that bad off and should suck it the fuck up and "learn to manage (my) own stress better" while being completely unhelpful on that front besides telling me to meditate, which doesn't fucking solve shit??? And then she also gets mad when I have to whine and cry to our mother to not let her try to cut off our little assistance, because apparently that's begging and I should not be begging I should be demanding, when our parents are literally sinking into debt more and more and our mother can barely afford to pay the taxes for her freelance job??

Like, I'm going to fucking walk in on Tuesday to the health clinic, and update them on my deteriorating mental health, and it's going to fucking be the same fucking old adage of "you should exercise for your anxiety, you should learn to organize yourself better, you should manage your ADHD without meds, you should stress less" which is so fucking unhelpful as well. Platitudes like that I already get from the fucking web as well, Instagram loves to fucking show me WellnessTM posts on the greatness of exercise and being thankful for life, why am I fucking taking hours of my day every other month to hear that as well from people I was trying to seek some sort of further help??

And like, in general, I feel like I am going circles, and nothing ever gets better, only worser and worser, and like, I am really grateful for my sister's fiancee's kindness, but like, I've been the entire month trying to not get to this. Yes, because it's humiliating, yes I'm fucking prideful and I feel like I am an able enough adult that I should not need to depend on others' kindness to eat! But also because like, I am able enough to work, I have all sorts of skills, and I am more than fucking willing to do whatever it takes, but no one wants me regardless. And worse, it's pointless to seek a full-on job because university fucking gets in the way of everything, because I fucking switched to day classes because of my family's insistence, because I entered university in night classes originally and that offended them enough that they bothered me about it, and now I'm paying the price.

And then I talk to my one university friend, and she's like "yeah I'm struggling as well" and I try to commiserate with her, because that's what one does, it's like, I realize I'm struggling way more with way less than her. Yes, sure, she had to drop university twice, but also, she's doing 40h a week of classes, and undergrad research, and was sleeping like, 4h a night. No fucking wonder she snapped twice. Meanwhile I can barely get above 14h of credit/hours without flunking something, and even when I pass it's barely scraping by. How come she's being more seriously contemplated for ADHD and anxiety and all than I am?? I guess it's because I have to rely on the free clinic, while she's on her military daddy's insurance plan. God, I don't want to resent her, but I came so close to snapping at her in the group chat when she told me that she's struggling because she can barely sleep, and sure she's seeing stuff like I used to when I slept little, but she "just ignores it and it's fine!" while I used to be terrified I'd get killed by the fucking Balloon Boy from FNAF and shadow demons when I underslept.

God, fucking hell, I swear to fucking god, I am trying so fucking hard to act normal and be normal and not be a fucking mess but even that's hard and worsening my anxiety. And yet I don't get any help that sticks.

#mental health #personal rant #I'm literally so close to fucking giving it up #once again I am so fucking thankful for my sister's fiancee but holy hell this is not what I wanted #''beggars can't be choosers'' I know but also I didn't think it'd be time to beg yet

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emeritus-fuckers · 10 months

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You know what? I thrive in chaos, so why don't we kick off the Confessional event with a confession from Jez herself? Can't wait for the angry anons ♡

Obviously I'm not gonna get into too much detail, but this is an explanation as to why I feel the need to leave the blog.

I'm twenty years old and emotionally unstable due to lots of mental health issues and things that influence the way I view the world (to name a few: autism, ADHD, depression, anxiety, mommy issues, daddy issues... I just collect those like Pokémon) and lots of trauma that I cannot take care of due to a variety of reasons. I have been dealing with lots of said issues since the age of four, when my parents divorced. They still hate each other and their lack of ability to cope has reflected into me. I don't exactly blame them, since caring for one's mental health has only became an actual thing a few years ago.

I have been on meds for a while, but they didn't really do much and I do not have the time or resources to see a psychiatrist to get new ones assigned (financial issues on mom's part, and my dad has decided that I'm an adult so I should pay for it myself).

Background check done? Wonderful. Now onto the actual issue.

Some of you probably noticed this a while ago before my ritual. How I was panicking about it. Due to the environment I grew up in and barely any help with my mental health, my sense of self-worth is extremely twisted. My relatively large self-awarness doesn't help, it just makes the holes I dig way deeper than they already were.

A prime example of this was when my mom off-handedly mentioned she'd need to make more food for dinner since I was at her place for the weekend. As stupid as that sounds, I spend the whole day in my room trying not to cry because someone had to do something for me and my mind spiraled because I don't believe I deserve people trying to be nice to me. Mostly because of how my dad was after the divorce, he was one of the "phone works both ways" parents and I will never forget how he was supposed to pick me up at noon one time and I called him since he was really late (~30 minutes), only to find out he just sat down to have lunch and he'd be there when he was done eating. Needless to say, he was rarely there for me and I've grown to believe that since my father didn't care, why should anyone else?

The mental spiral from my mom having to make more food has lead me to not eat for the rest of the day and to make me believe I don't deserve to go to the Ritual.

How does this transfer to the blog?

To put it simply, I am overwhelmed by the positivity. And since I was put under a lot of pressure throughout primary, secondary and high school because I was a gifted child, I put pressure on myself. Lots of pressure.

Do I want to leave?

No. Of course not. I love you all. But I feel like I'm continuing to disappoint over and over again. Like I can never do enough.

I'm not leaving because I got bored or I don't wanna make content anymore. I love this blog. But at the same time, I'm terrified of disappointing people. I feel like I already am disappointing you. So I feel like I have to get away to not make you upset anymore.

I hope that clears things up on why I feel like I should leave. This blog is meant to be a safe space for everyone. A safe space that I cannot create with how my current mental state is.

For now the plan is to leave, but it will take months. Is there a possibility I'll change my mind and stay? Yes. Last year my mental health has increased while I was working, so perhaps the same will happen this year.

I have already arranged the new writer in case I do leave. If I stay, I hope they will join the emeritus-fuckers team anyway, because there's a lot of things to write.

All the best to all of you, hope you enjoyed my whining and self-pitying. - Jez

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karaboutmyart · 11 months

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i just did an exercise where i walked around the neighborhood, and everytime a negative thought came into my head, i would start running. and the amount of times i just .. full on began SPRINTING.. its a little concerning!!

i learned the other day, however, that walking around outside rlly helps with irritability.

but .. geez louise. i wish i had more control over my thoughts and emotions. everytime something negative is brought up in my brainz, i call it. Being stuck in a hole. because when that thougjt comes up, i just. fall into this HORRIBLE low. and when i'm down, i'm. SUPER down. and i just slowly start to dig myself deeper down into that hole. im just stuck in my head. constantly.

this exercise... it was hell during the process. because a) i was in a bad mood 2 begin with 😿 and b) it hurt. i almost felt sick a few times. but i kept going. and when the darkness in my brain turned on, my legs were on autopilot. i started running.

but now... sprawled on the couch, in nothing but a bra and some shorts...... i feel . a little better tbh. the pain of the running gave me something to focus on. and the absolute steady flow of air, being alone, the rush of dopamine afterwards... theres finally a little space where there is a peace of mind.

i know happiness is always temporary when it comes to me. but i think i need to learn to embrace that. i need to embrace that, well, who i am is enough, and the emotions i feel are valid. i'm in a point of transition in my life where i need to accept my feelings rather than beat myself up for them. because that, ultimately, is what puts me in that hole.

i just want to be ok.

i just want to find peace.

and i really truly hope that one day i can.

#reflection #personal #rambling

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boneopera · 1 year

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I have madd but boy am I uncomfortable with other people within the community that experience madd. the pathologizing and the creation of the vernacular with no basis in psychology and research. All of it seems to be with the intent of separating the community from society as a whole as opposed to identifying a series of symptoms to find support or healthy coping skills. like if madd works for you and you don't have the desire to change that aspect then by all means work with it! but I'm seeing people have a cult like idea of their own pathology and a level of coveting of trauma and victimhood that's incredibly counterintuitive. it doesn't look like it's working. it's like wallowing in misery as a choice. that's hard to unlearn but I seriously believe this is going in the wrong direction.

as a person who worked super hard on myself and grounding myself to reality. I can attest that the effort is worth it. It's fulfilling and I still appreciate the daydream as a means to cope with extreme duress or moments of insecurity because when it works it works! but reality is just as charming and reality despite how scary it can be and you can find community there once you branch out. it takes a modicum of self accountability and the desire to heal to get there. and this deep dive into an entirely different culture cultivated around pathology and isolation is going to prolong the harm.

it also can cause you to cut off your loved ones and the creations and characters that you manifest cannot replace the loss of the ones who care about you if you push them away. that's a painful lesson that no one should have to go through.

I don't think there's anything inherently wrong with madd. I once told a therapist that I was worried about the level of daydreaming I do and she said "the world needs more daydreamers" and that stuck with me and actually helped in my journey. I could accept it as a lovely thing that I had the choice to work through. having that choice helped me a lot in self discovery and finding my real life community who appreciate me. it cuts down that lonely feeling a lot as well.

if you're in a place where it doesn't feel safe or you don't have the capacity or resources to help yourself then ride it. just don't dig a deeper hole than you need.

#this more of a vent post than like a debate #so if you try to start shit with me and not just a normal discussion i will block #not that i expect it to stir anything up

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angrylittlesliceofpizza · 2 years

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Accountability posting, ze retour \o/

i'm Bad at this, but i just made two Big Steps forward, one on each important project of the month, and did one the the Two Big Things that *should* take only a little time, so let's celebrate!

these last two were: • Finding A CBT Therapist for Perco, and I did \o/ she's a liiiittle farther than I'll really be comfortable to drive in winter with my Smol Car, and that leads me neatly to:

[dammit tumblr, bring back ctrl-z in posts and tags! i posted accidentally and now i have Problems][not so neat, i know ^^°]

• I really, really need to sign up for my driving licence! Still haven't, when the Pact with Fifo was that he signs up for flighing lessons (yes, he's learning to pilot a plane, nbd)* BUT I think I know where i'll sign up: there's a place nearby where they do accelerated courses, sooo that should help. but i need to do the two Loooong Projects first, bc they take Way Too Much Time

• WE HAVE A HOLE FOR THE POND \o/ My brother came to help yesterday, and we dug through the Bullsh*t – which is what I called the nonsense of roots, geotextile, rotten wood, stones, terracotta tiles and some randome cute pottery tiles i found whe i moved the first layers of ground on the hillock (ooooh new word :D ) in the garden, yknow, the one on which i was told i could Do Whatever I Wanted. hence, the pond project, aka Le Plouf. the Bullshit is WAAAAYYYY WORSE THAN I EVER IMAGINED. under the geotextile and the random tiles, were more random assorted tiles. and polystyrene. and bits of huge rooftiles. and concrete. and… … long list story short, this is actually a GARBAGE DUMP some former owners just covered with some soil so they didn't have to move all that trash to where it belonged. so, we dug for three hours where i wanted the pond to be deeper, and got most of the stuff out of the way, including at the very end a *50*120cm bit of corrugated iron*. in the same amount of time, with proper soil to dig into, we'd have had a nicely shaped hole, ready to be lined and filled up by all the rain that's goign to fall this week, but noooooo. i have to *sort* all that sh*t and bring it myself to the recycling center. well, that's not happening under the rain, so fifo promised me he'll help when i'll have made good progress on the other long complicated thing:

• cleaning up the ridiculous amount of Stuff i have lying around in the basement studio! and yes, i did do some very needed work on that right now, which prompted me to… take a BREAK. idk if i mentionned it here, but right at the end of our two weeks vacation, there was A Metric Forkton Of Rain which wasn't pumped by the, uh, pump right outside the studio, so the water accumulated and leaked under the door. i delt with the pump and its inappropriately deep hole and it should Behave now (keeping an eye on it), but i thought the damage inside was Old and didn't… deal with it right away. i mostly let it dry. o boi was that a mistake. first, i'd forgetten that right next to the door is *my basket of winter woolen accessories* and some random stuff, which… had gotten very very wet. soaked. i took that out, and it's… still not properly cleaned up, bc i don't have a convenient place to clean wool garmen by hand. fortunately, my two capes didn't get wet, THAT would have been a catastrophe +_+ then there are the three big cardboard boxes with, again, Random Stuff inside, lined in front of the big shelves that sit in the part of the room where water tend to gether (yes the floor is very uneven why do you ask ^^° ) the farther one from the door is… Old, Old Assorted Bits that are, I think (and hope), mostly worthless. the middle one is mostly Old Commercial Yarn Balls On Thick Carboard Tubes , that i'll have to check and make into skeins to wash if necessary (probably is.) i'm not too worried, though, since it's my White Cotton box and it can aaaaaall just… go in the washing machine. but the third box was a mystery, so i started with this one, and… it was a huge relief! i lost… a cardboard box, all mouldy. the lenghth of mauve cotton fabric that was inside will be washed soon (i intend to make a big skirt or some loose tie-up trousers with it.) others victims were a bit of cotton from the middle box, an almost finished ball that i prepared for washing, and… a full box of paper tissues. rip, your siblings will replace you with honor.

sooo now that i have typed all this, learned some words, corrected some vocabulary ('(artist) studio' and 'workshop' are the same word in french, that's annoying), i'll have some moar chocolate and get to work on one of these two other boxes.

moar accountability news soon!

*(he spent like… the last two years playing with small planes on a flight simulator, sooo he wanted to try the real thing,

#accountability posting #adhd #Lots Of Work #… but only four things to do!#big things that can be separated into smaller things when i actually get to work but…#thinking 'oh that's only x things to do!' actually helps. huh. who'd have thought.

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