breaking news! the 8-foot-tall, terrifying eldritch witch entity who knows all the secrets of the universe and may very well have a hand in fate itself who breathes fire to light her hearth inside her living house on chicken legs wants to keep your little footsies warm!
Kirito: (Okay cool um you just saved this girl’s life and now she just. Won’t even respond. Uh)
Kirito: (Okay offer her the map data. There you go. And some potions. Okay neat now to just)
Kirito: (Put your sword back in the scabbard...swing it around the back and slide it in there. It’ll look SUPER sick if you could just uh)
Kirito: (Um. Uh. Come on we practiced this. Oh my god PLEASE just get into the scabbard? Maybe?)
Kirito:
Kirito: (Nope I missed it again. Oh my god this is so fucking embarrassing)
Kirito: (Haha you know what? You know what. Imma just. Dip. Yeah)
Kirito: ALRIGHT I’M TAKING OFF NOW BYE
Kirito: (I want to die I want to DIE that was awful I feel like I’m going to throw up. I am NEVER trying that trick in front of a cute girl EVER again)