#WHY DO YOU REJECT MY LOVE

[thasorns]

Next year... will I be the only one with feelings? Amane. Sorry! Forget what I just said. I didn't mean to rush you. Forget it. I won't forget. Today I want to answer you about the other day. I had something I wanted you to eat, but I didn't know how to reach out to you. So I didn't contact you. I want to see you.

KIMI TO NARA KOI WO SHITE MITE MO (2023) 君となら恋をしてみても, dir. Matsumoto Hana

#kimi to nara koi wo shite mite mo #hyuga wataru #okura takato #jdramaedit #jdramasource #jdrama #lextag #tuserfaiza #usermare #zeystuff #gif: ktnkwsmm #MYYYY BOYS I AM SO EMOTIONAL :((( #how amane was so scared of rejection that he'd rather run away but ryuji took the courage to finally open up to amane #ynow the lao tzu quote: Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength #while loving someone deeply gives you courage. and yes yes why do I think of these two #I AM JUST NOT READY TO LET THEM GO.... #we ignore at this point that I messed up my sharpening settings here #and hate tumblr mobile bc the coloring always looks different *sigh+

[aroanthy]

i love how fraught and complicated discourse around various utena characters ‘dying’ is when anthy is literally stabbed to death eternally by a million swords imbued with human hatred. and then utena gets stabbed to death by them also. like. ‘death’ is incredibly interesting in rgu because most of the time it’s this ambiguous figurative thing that has interesting implications re: ohtori as a closed-off world one can escape. we are all trapped in our coffins. mamiya is the only named character with a grave. nemuro memorial hall functions as one all the same. ruka is implied to have died in the hospital— was he dead all along? who was the boy we saw for these two episodes? is this dead boy the same boy, or is this just another coincidence from the shadow girls, cutting like a knife? it’s heavily implied that akio and anthy murder kanae by poisoning her, adding to the previous implication that they were poisoning mr ohtori too, but there are no perceptible consequences of this. kanae’s absence is not felt. she’s fed an apple slice. what happens to the bodies? we know what happened to the 100 boys, but what about everyone else? and so on and so forth. ‘death’ is a tricky thing in utena, i think it’s constantly functioning on figurative and literal levels in very different ways for very different purposes. dios died. dios was dying. dios didn’t die. he grew up. etc etc

#what am i trying to say here? #idk! think about all of the pieces you have #dying is complicated in ohtori in countless different ways #and i find it boring to see so much ‘this character is dead and that’s it’ stuff #when death is used farrrrrrr more figuratively than some ppl give credit for #and i think the movie too does wonderful things with death #and what ‘dying’ really means #being disbelieved. being forgotten. being rejected. haunting despite this #much more interesting to think about wrt commentary on abusive relationships than it is #to think about what?? oh me when my brother died but plot twist he’s alive and can walk on this road all cool. like????? #akio doesn’t have the power to make himself revenant #he THINKS he does and he absolutely has power when he’s alive and he imbues that power with such meaning that it does live on after him #but ANTHY. anthy is the one struggling with herself and her feelings and the impact of trauma and abuse (that power!!) in aou #he’s dead? he died? she brought him back through her memories? or she’s left him (metaphorical death) and he’s haunting her?? #all such interesting interpretations #i haven’t mentioned touga bc i don’t have the energy today. if dead and just illusion of others memories then why active. why awful #like in aou akio is only Obviously scummy when he’s alive. his illusory self is based upon anthy’s love for him #if anime!touga is nothing more than nanami/whoever’s memories of him before he died……. why does he actively choose to suck again and again #like nanami wouldn’t do that. unless it was meant to be a subconscious thing like ooo he’s dead all along but that’s not what her arc is #it’s not ‘he’s been dead all along’ literally or figuratively. it’s ‘he’s unsafe and i don’t want him’ #sigh. once again i am asking people to think about nanami and touga’s dynamic through touga’s eyes #it’s so interesting to me how people forget to consider his motivations or feelings on ANYTHING #like sure his motivations and feelings are scummy but they’re interesting!!!!! they intrigue me!!!! #compel me even #anyway ignore how i said i didn’t have the energy for this and then typed it all out anyway #dais.txt

[s0fter-sin]

sometimes i think about how wild a mw2 movie would be if they just dropped soapghost right in the middle with no warning or marketing. like imagine it being beat for beat the exact same, it’s your typical military action movie, promoted as just another military action movie then after they get to the safe house, ghost has to patch up soap and he’s still out of it, overwhelmed by the betrayal and everything he’s seen and ghost needs to ground him and keep him in the present, to remind him that he’s alive and safe so he kisses him and they have sex. the tantrums and the rants and the “ReAl sOLdiErS aRen’t liKe ThAt”, god i can taste it and it’s delicious

#theres never any talk of a relationship or sexuality crisis its just this moment of humanity and comfort to bring soap back to himself #real any time you need me by thirteenbullets vibes #theyre not the type of men to have something as normal as a relationship #theyre just everything to each other they know that and its enough #ghost can be such a complex character if you let him #this guy whos rejected his humanity has buried himself and become a ghost #willingly digging himself out of the grave to stop soap from digging his own #like how are there not more explicitly homoerotic military movies that actually pull the trigger (heh) on the homo part of the eroticism #you know how if movies have even a hint of queerness they wring it out for every drop of respresentation they can get #theres a hundred articles and its mentioned in every interview and it all journalists ask those actors #imagine it being a complete secret and everyone expects just a typical action movie #then boom battle buddy gay sex #like if it were a male and fenale character you would see that scene coming a mile away so why cant it happen with two guys #just doing it is the only way of normalising it #i still see men saying they act like brothers which is denial so strong even egypt is impressed #but imagine the general public expecting this manly man military movie then getting hit with the alone mission flirting and denying it #then getting smacked in the face with tender wound care and grounding love making initiated by the edgelord they were using as a self inser #coming out of my cage and ive been doing just fine.txt #soapghost #ghostsoap #ghoap #john soap mactavish #soap cod #simon ghost riley #ghost cod #cod mw2 #we’re a team. ghost team

[itspileofgoodthings]

If Jane Austen could write about my family from the outside and I could read it then maybe I would be healed.

#moving out has helped! but is there is not a new social life/core for me yet #maybe ever? idk #but within the actual family unit there is ….. so much going on #so much suffering. so much change. unbelievable levels of stress and anxiety and depression #like I really cannot emphasize enOUGH how much #and my parents are essentially full time caregivers #and I both want to help and be a stabilizing factor and I also want to be honest about how much of a toll it takes on me #because i think it’s A Lot #but also I don’t like modern rhetoric on any of these difficult topics and I reject it even though I use a lot of the language #hence why I need Jane Austen to do it for me #to bring this full circle #anyways if you could say a prayer for us. for my parents especially but also my sister #well all the sisters and my brothers! #anyway reflecting angsting etc. #tbh I would love to know the medium of the average family’s unhappiness and stress #Because I think ours is off the charts #But idk. Would love to know more tbh #I would love to know if a lot of it just the human condition! But sometimes I’m just like this is not normal lol #thanks for listening

[fishyfishyfishtimes]

Going from only knowing about Monster Prom through fan content and some YouTube let’s-plays to actually playing the game myself made me go from thinking Miranda was the least interesting character to realising how cool and funny she is and having her be my absolute favourite character, and I couldn’t be happier <3 If Miranda had 1 fan it would be me and if she had zero fans I would clearly be dead!! And I’m really NOT saying this because I would be executed if I went against the Vanderbilt monarchy!!!

#i have a strong love-hate relationship with monster prom but i love trying to get all the endings >:) #i can only play on the weekends but so far i have 14 endings! taking every character to prom and getting rejected by every character count #as only two endings i think. #i also love miranda vanderbilt and its so silly but i look forward to seeing her TToTT is this what people with waifus feel like /j #every now and then i just go “i love miranda. did you know that?” to my sister and then every time i explain in great detail why #maybe one day ill write a character analysis… i like doing those. but not today! #rare ranch gamer post #not fish

[compacflt]

my apologies if this is too simple or juvenile or personal a question but HOW did you become such a proficient writer? and do you have any tips or pointers to keep in mind? i know you must do a lot of reading and a lot of writing, but your skill is just incredible to me. your prose!! your cadence!! when we get around to talking about it is genuinely one of the best things i've ever read and i'd eat it if i could!!!

this ask was so sweet thank you!! rly made my day when i needed a boost. Hope you don’t mind i took a couple days to think about it cause no one’s ever asked me for writing advice before

idk how i became a “proficient” writer bc I really don’t write that much. something about my fic gave me brainworms and i went into overdrive but that’s…not my usual MO. which is why it’s weird for me too. admittedly i am studying english/creative writing as my second major at uni, but i haven’t learned anything in any of my classes you couldn’t learn by just reading and writing on your own. honestly i should’ve stuck with my IR major instead, i find structured cw classes a complete waste of time. but here are some little tips i thought of that would’ve helped ME:

This is more a “do as I say not as I do” because I’m really bad at habits like this, but keep a diary. You can write about the big events (went to the store, did homework, got laid etc.) but that’s boring—focus on the details (watched someone at west side market throw a glass bottle of olives at a rat, broke a pen and permanently stained my dorm desk and won’t get my deposit back which pissed me off because I move out in a week, this guy’s breath smelled like lemon pledge and it made me wonder if he drank window cleaner before kissing me etc.). Real life is really interesting! How can you write about interesting real life in an interesting way? It’s a good way to practice. You don’t have to do a big reflection at the end of the day or anything. It’s okay to jot down something you saw & then immediately forget about it. It’s the act of figuring out how to translate life into words that’s important

If you type, learn how to type FAST. This is just my experience, but I think typing faster makes your cadence, clause length, dialogue, IDEAS flow better/more naturally. We think in words/sentences, not letters.

This is a super lame tip that’ll make you roll your eyes, but read poetry. Poetry is all about how words/ideas/images sound and interact with each other. Don’t get hung up on one poet—im not really recommending any for precisely this reason—read poetry you love (for me, Ada Limón, Jack Kerouac, Frank O’Hara, ghazals etc) AND read poetry you hate (for me, Rupi Kaur, Emily Dickinson, Whitman, etc)! Read all genres you can get your hands on. (I think there are like “great poetry anthologies” you can find for free online if u don’t know where to start. Also you can’t go wrong with subscribing to/reading a variety magazine like the NYer. It’s pretentious but it exposes you to all kinds of weird topics, ways of writing about them, etc.) Figure out how certain combinations of words and punctuations make you FEEL, and why, and why the writer chose (or not) to make you feel that way. Figure out which literary sounds you like and which ones you don’t. For me, i figured out that I REALLY like alliteration, comma splices, zeugmas, the rule of three, and

“he’s [verb]ing again… yeah compacflt’s characters are [verb]ing again… big shocker”

If you have an idea for a piece, figure out what it is you really want to get out of it—to say something? to experiment with a different style? to see your fav characters do something? to have fun?—and then figure out how, on a technical level, you should write to match that goal (this is where the poetry training comes in handy). If you’re just writing to have fun, don’t listen to any writing advice (incl. mine), because most of it is bullshit and over-generalized and will make you feel bad about yourself. Just take the advice that you think will work for what YOURE trying to write.

But if you’re writing to explore some political idea, then you should think about HOW to best write about that idea. What would be a convincing story/allegory/scene to engage with this idea vs. not convincing. I talk on this blog all the time about how disappointed I am that my very-adult-grown-up attempt to deal with the dynamic of “immovable internalized homophobia vs unstoppable falling in love anyway” is rendered a little childish/immature by some pretty unconvincing plot points like the characters buying a house together—I really should have considered how that plot point would interact with the characterizations I’d built already (hint: poorly). You can think of writing as kind of a military structure if that helps—you have strategy on the overarching campaign (plot/character growth/allegory/theme) level, the battle (scene that advances the above) level, and the tactical (sentence-level construction/syntax/wording) level. They all have to work together. If a scene is failing to properly engage with the idea you’re trying to convey, you’re losing a battle that will weaken the overarching campaign. Same thing if you choose a weird word in a sentence/write in a style or tone that’s weirdly out of place with your idea—it makes your engagement with the theme/idea less convincing. just try to be purposeful and consider your strategy on all levels of your work as you’re writing it!! At the very least it’ll make editing easier lol.

But then again when I read my own writing from just a couple months ago I cringe out of my skin, so like—just also accept that it’s a process and we’re all just making it up as we go along. Be proud of being embarrassed of your old work, because it means you’re growing. Own that shit. When I finished writing WWGATTAI i thought it was the best thing I’d ever written, and maybe it was. But since the day I finished working on it, it’s the worst thing I’ve written since then. That’s a great feeling. Not to be like writing grindset obviously bc it’s supposed to be fun—but if what you want is to get better at writing, the strategy is to WRITE a whole bunch of shit, and then own your embarrassment about how much you’ve grown since you started. And know you’re still always growing and learning. there should never be any “goals” where skills are concerned 👍🏽

#fake it till u make it #the good part about fiction is all you’re really doing is makin shit up #no rules!!! #fiction is just trying to sell a lie right #so it’s all on a sliding scale of convincability (at least that’s how i judge fiction) #and figuring out how to convince people of your lie is where the art is #anyway. #not top gun #asks #writing tips #idk how to tag this #also i love ao3 because trying to get published traditionally genuinely made me hate writing/MY writing #i have indeed had the cliche 100+ form rejection letters experience #unfortunately writing is also one of those things where you can see it as a competition so easily #(admittedly a small part of why i don’t read other TG fics—i don’t wanna read people doing it better than me😭) #BUT you tailor your experience to have a healthy life. it’s not a competition if you don’t make it one. put yourself first

[crow-in-springtime]

You know what? Fuck this, fuck you *aromanticizes your classical heroine*

#this is specifically about ophelia. because think about it all this debate over whether or not hamlet loved her and none over whether she #loved hamlet. I do think she loved him but not in a romantic way. think about it! she goes mad over her fathers death and all the abuse #she’s suffered at the hands of men not just because hamlet rejected her. and need I remind you she was the one originally rejecting him in #that scene. everyone is so focused on what hamlet’s true feelings are that we never really learn what ophelia thought or felt. #“made many tenders of his affection to me” “I do not know my lord what I should think” “madam I wish it may” #“madam I wish it may” because it would be such an easy solution! because if all that’s needed to cure hamlet’s madness is ophelia’s love #then it will be easy to fix! then hamlet no longer has to suffer and they can be together! so then why does that line feel so resigned? #we’re told by everyone that hamlet is in love with ophelia and from that we just assume she must be in love with him too. #anyway. aromantic bisexual ophelia for the win. thank you for coming to my TED talk. #ophelia #hamlet #shakespeare #classic literature #aromantic #(ky attempts to figure out if she is aromantic by talking about fictional women. more at 8) #ky’s gallery

[iloveyouitisruiningmylife]

spending my whole life trying and trying and trying and trying to be good enough for people who don't give a fuck about me

#im so tired living seems pointless why am i doing this what is the reason #the firm i work at is going thru a merger so it's releasing all the interns except 2 #i went into her office and said that id like to stay here bc my dad said so bc i got in cause he was friends with the head #and she said ill think about it based on performance ive not decided yet #and this other guy he went in to tell her that cool he'll leave and she told him that she was hoping that he'd stay #he literally does nothing but play games on his phone he doesn't work at all #i have no idea what he has that i don't #but just. im stuck like this forever right never ever good enough for people i like or care about #not for parents they have a diff fav child not for ex gf not for bestie who has a boyfriend much better at loving her than me #not for that one guy who rejected me in interview bc i don't read the newspaper and didn't know the date of the finance act #im so fucking sick of this i never even wanted to this fuckinh course and obviously even my best isn't enough and ofc im not good enough #for anyone in this field and ill just struggle and struggle and struggle all my life just to earn some fucking money so i can live away #from my sociopathic parents #and the worst part is that i can't stop feeling like maybe it IS me yk maybe i am the problem maybe im not trying hard enough #but how else am i supposed to handle this i prioritize my studies and lose all my friends i prioritise my friends and fail in d #exams #and the trauma keeps on coming every fucking day bc sociopathic parents but i jsut push it down and say not rn i will cry at night anx then #never cry #i wish someone would just tell me that idk you're wrong you're not made for this you really do have some mental illness and you're really #trying your best and do something that's easy and that you love doing #oh god this is now a ventpost #mes

[bylertruther-moved]

will says that el has a book of letters from him because he’s just pointing out that they kept in contact regularly whereas he and mike didn’t but somehow mike interprets that as if will was implying there should be something romantic between them too and it stumps will bc that’s not what he meant at all and he doesn’t realize yet why mike is actually so mad or who he’s mad at, and while we clown mike for being oblivious i think will is oblivious too bc this isn’t the first time mike’s done that and yet. will doesn’t question it. he never does and they never talk about it. he just continues with what he’s saying about how they used to be best friends. they never talk about the fact that when will fights to salvage their friendship mike talks about it as if it was more than what it was and as if continuing as they were would get between his relationship with eleven. which implies that he himself feels that their relationship is inappropriate if he wants to date eleven concurrently and explains why it’s the only friendship within the party that seriously falls apart and why will is the only party member that he completely changes his behavior n actions towards and why he’s the only party member that he no longer touches once he dates eleven. which again also explains why after they start dating it’s only when eleven isn’t around that he allows a softer, more open and present mike to reappear around will. it’s just like. why would he do any of that if he’s not projecting? will is literally the one with a canonically confirmed interest in him and yet he’s mad at the roller rink because will is ignoring him [or so he thought at that point]. he’s not mad that eleven lied. he’s not mad at what those bullies did to her. he’s mad that will didn’t talk to him. he’s so mad and hurt by will that he doesn’t even console his girlfriend who was encircled, taunted, and had a milkshake thrown on her all on tape. he stays by will’s side despite everything, even when she’s fidgeting and crying to the side of them. to top it off he even makes a passive aggressive bitchy little comment at dinner afterward because he’s still. mad. at. will. will is the one that ruined his day. not those bullies being cruel to el, but will. it clouds his vision so much that he can’t even pretend or begin to attempt to entertain the idea of being there for her when she so clearly needs him. how does anyone fucking watch any of that and not get what’s going on. HOW????

#byler #YOUR GIRL JUST GOT BULLIED SEVERELY AND YET YOU'RE MAD AT THE BOY WHO USED TO BE YOUR BEST FRIEND? #WILL IS SAYING THAT YOU NEVER TALKED TO HIM AND SOMEHOW YOU THINK HE'S SAYING YOU NEED TO TREAT HIM LIKE #YOU TREAT ELEVEN? SOMEHOW YOU THINK HE'S TALKING ABOUT WANTING MORE THAN JUST FRIENDSHIP? #WHY WOULD YOU THINK THAT IF YOU HAVEN'T BEEN THINKING IT YOURSELF... WHEN WILL HAS NEVER ONCE MADE A MOVE ON HIM #OR ANYTHING OF THE SORT......... #MAKE IT MAKE HETEROSEXUAL SENSE IT JUST DOESN'T IT DOESN'T IT DOESN'T IT DOESN'T 🤯🤯 #will NEVER implies anything romantic between them he NEVER does and yet MIKE the one with a girlfriend is the one that ALWAYS #ALWAYS ALWAYS MAKES THAT THE TOPIC OF THEIR CONVERSATION! he's the one that brings it up! he's the one that rejects will #when will isn't even making any kind of offer!!!!!!!!! #why would he do that if that isn't something that he feels! that he thinks about! that he's projecting onto will! #this is such a clusterfuck this is liek . this shit is more complicated than the fucking vecna plot at this point tbh #none of them know where the other is they're literally all in different fucking worlds my GODDDDDDDD #will is oblivious. and if he let himself realize what mike is doing and actually face it he would put mike on the spot about it. #mike's friendship is more than enough for will. it's enough to just have mike in his life. meanwhile mike is the one that refuses to see it. #he refuses to let himself even consider it which is why he puts that onto will and refuses to face the world around him. #he doesn't want things to change. we knew that in season three and we ESPECIALLY know that now. jesus christ.. #so much is happening in this show. #it's just insane to me tht mike has such a big heart and he cares abt the people he loves nd would protect them with his everything #and when el gets bullied like that.... he just... he's focused on will. because of-fucking-course he is. he's angry at will because #he doesn't want things to change but will's existence in his life will himself is enough to bring forth change in mike that he's scared #to accept. for whatever reason. because why is he constantly doing that? making things romantic? it's not will. it's HIM. #why can't you be his friend and continue to date eleven when you can do the same with everyone else? why is it JUST will? #why do you think that he's propositioning you whenever he talks to you about your friendship? #i'm telling you: it makes no heterosexual sense. #my thoughts #my posts

[emotivehardcore]

The thing about those posts that are like “cis people can go on masculinizing/feminizing hrt” or “cis people can get trans surgeries” is that imo if you’re doing things that change your sex you kind of are trans. Even if you identify with the gender you were assigned, you are transing your sex and that’s a trans experience. Like you may not be transgender but you are transsexual which is still trans. I just don’t think it really makes sense to classify someone as cis when they have materially changed their sex, even if they identify as the gender they were assigned

#this is why I identify as a transmasc woman. I was cafab and I’m a woman but I’m pursuing medical transition to change my sex #so it doesn’t make sense to me to call myself cis because taking hrt and getting surgeries to alter my sex is a trans experience #there’s more nuance to my identity as a transnasc woman than just that and I also don’t see my sex and gender as completely separate #but I’m not getting into all of the details here. although I’m always willing to answer questions abt it because I love to talk about myself #also because I know people on this website love to interpret things in bad faith on purpose #this post is not implying that trans people who don’t medically transition aren’t trans #medical transition and rejecting your assigned gender are both things that make you trans even if you do one without the other #because they’re both in opposition to the way that gender and sex are imposed upon us by cis societal rules

[yeshens]

@piliyi, prompt —

go ahead. ask whatever you want. / tookai…

let it be said that tooru’s never claimed to be a guy who handles rejection well. most of the time it’s not enough of a reason to deter him from trying, but there’s always a little part of him that braces himself even in the asking.

so he’s hesitant, (he’s never done this before. he hasn’t even considered all the ways this could go wrong,) but. there’s something about kaien that makes him want to take that risk. it’s a kind of optimistic hope that he’s learned to let go of through the years, and it reaches back for him.

but first we have to set the scene. so, picture this: the air is warm with the scent of freshly baked pastries, the windows frosted over by the remnants of winter’s chill even as the beginnings of spring chases it away. kaien cuts a striking figure with his back resting casually against the counter, his grin piercing straight through tooru’s chest. tooru thinks he may look besotted, but he’s not in a position to judge — the glass display where his reflection sits isn’t what he’s paying attention to at the moment. it’s clichéd, perhaps, but in this snapshot of a moment he only has eyes for kaien.

“right,” he takes a deep breath. “no matter what, you’re not allowed to laugh, okay?”

and then, in the space of one single exhale, “willyougooutwithme?”

#ic. tooru. #piliyi #HHAPPY GOOD DAY BIRTH JUNI. i love you #ok impt notes out of the way tag spam ahead. #kaien: ask me anything / tooru: ok. do you think i’m hot #‘if tooru goes to argentina after hs when does this happen’ #this is actually an au where tooru doesn’t go overseas unless kaien rejects him. it’s very make your own adventure haha #no but actually i think this is like. the gap year after hs when he’s still figuring out the logistics of #living overseas. so right after hs but before everything else. if it didn’t happen in canon i’m pretending it did. it happened here. to me #special bom ment btw hehe(: #(subsection for livetext msgs i’m holding back as i write this because i want this to be a surprise) #i just tried to google kaien like he’s a well known figure. like he has a wikipedia page dedicated to him. #which i think he should but that’s a topic for another tag on another post #common [writing tookai] happenings: why is My heart racing

[tatonslice]

hi mo4 fans (it's still two of you)

yeah this ones Just moriposting. sorry. also i think tumblr is butchering the quality of these i assume clicking on them fixes that?

#guys will get rejected and then climb into mechs about it #i love pouring my art abilities into characters who don't fucking deservei t #i learned how to draw mechs for this guy. #THIS FUCKING ASSHOLE #THIS STUPID MOTHERFUCKER #WHY DO I LIKE YOU #mo4 #morikaze mo4 #taton's art #AGONY

[levi-dayne]

silly little vent in the tags

#i really miss him and it's not fair how much i gave to him every day when i had to beg for attention back #i don't get why this always happens #it's every single person every single time #and they always tell me i was the best person they ever dated and i made them realize what being loved feels like or whatever #but i always end up more damaged #it feels like people think the way i love is like an apology from the universe that they can just take all of without reciprocating #instead of another traumatized person with feelings also trying to get what they give #it's so exhausting and frustrating i just want to love someone that loves me back #and they all say they do and tell me how great i am but they never listen when i communicate what i need and i have to beg #and they expect praise for the bare minimum #i asked him what he does for me and he said 'i was there to support you' #do you want a medal?? you SHOULD support your partners and your friends #and they all acknowledge that when the roles are reversed #what really fucks me up about it is when i see how they treated their exes #why not me?? what did i do wrong?? #and they say i didn't do anything and that i was the best but no one acts like it #im so fucking tired of this it hurts so much #like i know for a fact my other ex legitimately saw me as his reward for persevering through rejection #when can people start seeing me as an equal to them that also wants to be loved and valued and needed?? it's not fair #people keep taking advantage of me and how caring i am towards them and it sucks #im losing hope once someone DOES treat me right i won't even trust it #personal posts 😌✨️✨️ #tw vent

[cthulhusstepmom]

Ghost is a walking dichotomy, Soap has discovered. He's watched him strip the layers of a man's skin away to get information from him, seen him snap someone's neck in as little time as it takes to take a breath. But he's also so capable of heartbreaking kindness. His genuine concern for the fish, the way he saves the best part of his plate for Soap; offering it to him with reverence. The way he's cleaning Johnny's wound so tenderly. It's in these moments of gentleness where Johnny almost forgets what they do, what they've seen, who they are.

So when Ghost's voice snaps into that serious tone it's almost like a slap in his dizzy, goofily smiling, face.

"Wha?"

"Where is it? I'll get rid of it for you." Under the sharp tone is still that lethal gentleness, and even under that is a shaking fear.

"Oh, oh Ghost." He shifts, uncomfortable in his skin and wanting to be anywhere but here. "Ye... Ye cannae get rid of it."

His Lieutenant draws back a little, a mix of apprehension and offense in his eyes.

"It hurt you, nothing else matters."

Soap can feel his heart splitting as his throat starts to burn. Ghost stares up at him with fiery eyes, hands still holding his wrist so so softly.

"Where is the snake Soap? I promise you it'll never hurt you again. Whoever brought it in is going to have hell to pay too." He earnestly promises and Soap feels a single hot tear slip out of his eye.

"Ghost..." He chokes out. "Simon... It's mine."

The small room goes silent. Nothing even dares to move but for the violent flinch the sentence rips out of Ghost.

He doesn't dare say anything, doesn't dare to move or even breathe. He looks down at Ghost and Ghost meets his stare with turmoil roiling in his gaze.

Soap doesn't know what he expected, screaming or sobbing or angry silence but the frantic confusion he can see in the other man is as far as can be from what he'd thought he'd get.

They sit there like that for a few long moments, each absorbed in his own thoughts, before Ghost slowly rises from his kneel. If Johnny were in better spirits he would tease him for the quiet cracks his knees make. And with that violent tenderness he slowly curls an arm around Johnny and leans him down into the bed, pressing behind him and holding him close just like they'd done on any number of frigid nights out in the blind. And they just sit there holding each other in silence as they slowly drift into a dreamless sleep.

#in this canon this is the first time theyve done something that can't be explained away by extenuating circumstances #but you don't really save the best parts of your meal religiously for your subordinate who youre friends with #Ghost is devoted to Soap #full stop #and Soap is dedicated to Ghost 100% #i hear you “Cthulhu why are the emotionally constipated military men just cuddling instead of resolving their issues unhealthily?” #to which i say: #Ghost just had his world tilted on its axis #a constant in his life is that snakes are bad and the people who keep them are bad people who do bad things #like his father #but here's John “he owns my soul” MacTavish bleeding profusely and still not letting Ghost kill the snake also being unquestionably good #even though he understands intellectually that Soap has done bad things #hes watched the little punk blow up shit for the sake of it and literally clip a car battery to a man's ears #that doesn't matter because Johnny is Good with a capital G and he is the exact opposite of Ghost's father #so he really doesnt have it in him to be angry and he just needs to hold close to the constancy and try to reconcile his new information #And Soap is just so so ready to be immediately rejected and never see Simon again #he doesn't want to sacrifice what he maybe has with Ghost to protect his rescues #because they need him and they didnt ask to be what they are or where they are #so hes just so so relieved that Ghost hasnt ordered him out and killed all of his babies #because he's seen Ghost shoot a dog in yhe head on a mission for barking and Ghost loves dogs #he doesnt want to see what Ghost would do to an animal he doesn't like #I HOPE THIS IS BETTER THAN THE CLIFFHANGERS #GUYS THERES SO MUCH CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT COMING #AHOFFBIDKSHAIAKBZJA #cod mw2 #fish person gaz #ghost x soap #ghostsoap #reptile person soap

[carry-on-my-wayward-butt]

got locked out of my car at a sketchy fucking truck stop in the middle of goddamned nowhere at NINE PM because SOMEONE shit themselves so hard they nearly entered the stratosphere (the baby) and i had to wait for a tow guy to unlock my little toaster car with what looked like a blood pressure cuff and a wire hanger while a one eyed cat stalked my fussy infant like a seagull on fries.

day one of my surprise divorce is off to an amazing fucking start.

#op #yes surprise divorce #im the one whose fucking surprised #turns out if you reject therapy enough times you get a clarity token #and putting the token in the machine awards you with the realization that you dont actually love your wife come to think of it. #but only the deluxe upgrade can tell you exactly when it happened or why #(the cost of the deluxe upgrade is therapy) #would have loved to have known even a sliver of an inkling of any of this before shitting out his mini me but what can ya do lol #currently safe and warm in his moms house #on my way to my moms house tomorrow #badabing

[swiftfootedachilles]

what do i have to do to get people to read my stuff actually like im not about to get in everyones faces begging for attention but i dont understand how im expected to make FREE fandom content without much feedback on my work

#ignore my ranting but im actually so fucked disillusioned #like why are there so many people who scream about supporting each other and lifting up small creators #and they never do it themselves unless its their friend #sorry i dont sit at the popular table but i never expected that it would impact my reach this much #my newest fic has more hits but less kudos and less comments than my first #it's so obvious people only interacted on my first fic *because* it was my first fic #and thank you so fucking much to the people who have given me kind words #and literally religiously rbing my stuff because you think im worth listening to #this isn't about me crying because im not popular #people with bigger followings are naturally going to get more attention #but the only reason ive started posting my fics is because all these POPULAR BLOGS were like 'we support each other here!!!' #'were a big family were not a big fandom so any time someone posts it brings a smile to our faces!' blah blah blah #like youre out here lying for clout you literally only leave feed or kudos if its your fucking friend 😭 not even if its good #i guess id rather have less people interacting if it means the feedback i get is genuine and not just blowing smoke up my ass #but it still hurts to write a fic that flops and then write another fic thats over 3x longer than my first fic #WITH A PREMISE THAT POPULAR WRITERS HAVE WRITTEN ABOUT BEFORE AND BLEW UP FOR IT AND PEOPLE IDOLIZE THEIR WRITING #so im expecting to get more feedback and constructive criticism because it's a concept that a lot of people seem to love #only to get EVEN LESS FEEDBACK THAN ON MY FIRST FIC #like sorry to everyone who genuinely likes my writing i actually love you so much #but im very rejection sensitive and don't plan on continuing this. it seriously hurts me. it triggers my abandonment and selfhatred shit ba #like im sick to my stomach that another thing im passionate about is sucking the life out of me & i cant even get my foot in the door #donut rebagel this thanks and goodbye