hi suzy, happy wincest wednesday :) I know we share a love of protective!Sam -- when do you think that started happening in their lives? Did Sam have to get taller first, lol, or was it some story/life event that precipitated little brother starting to watch out for big brother?
happy ww liz!
i don't think sam's height has anything to do with it actually! i don't think sam thought of himself as stronger or more capable than dean at all. as a kid, sam always looked up at dean, and sam never fully grew out of seeing dean as a hero, so, it's not about that.
easy answer is of course that john trained them from a very young age to never trust anyone but each other. so due to the way they lived and the amount of danger they encountered on a daily basis, sam has always been more protective of dean than other siblings would be. and dean was very protective of him, while sam tried to be just like his big brother, so he wouldn't hesitate to protect dean in turn.
but besides that, i think sam's protectiveness of dean specifically developed hand in hand with his rebellion against john and hunting. and i imagine that started when sam was old enough to stay home alone, while john took dean 'away from him' on hunts.
i can't imagine how horrible it must have been for sam, as a kid, to be all alone in a motel room, waiting for his only family to return, not knowing IF they'd even return, being fully aware of the danger they were in, how often he must have waited impatiently for the promised 'we're okay' phonecall that wasn't on time, or dean and john returning hours or days later than planned, not in one piece, sam running to get the first aid kit, wounds, broken bones, stitches, bruises, all kinds of injuries, dean either too hyper or too quiet or completely out of it, but never truly the dean sam knew. anyone who has ever been worried about a sibling like that, or saw a sibling in serious pain knows that stuff stays with you. it's horrible. and when that person is the only long term relationship you have outside of your dad... there's so much to lose.
i have one very specific mental image of sam coming home from school in the middle of the afternoon, to a bruised and bloodied dean - just back from a long hunt - in dirty clothes asleep on the couch, looking hurt and exhausted and vulnerable, with sam staring at him, at first VERY relieved that he's home safe, but that fast making place for an anger on how UNFAIR and wrong it all is, how NONE of this is normal, combined with sam's constant uncertainty and anxiety and fear, suddenly wishing fiercely for a normal life where he and dean are both safe at school instead of having to deal with any of this, i think sam felt FURIOUS in that moment and that it shocked him how much anger he could feel towards hunting and his dad for doing this to them.
basically, sam tried to win dean back from john. not because sam thought dean was incapable of looking out for himself, but because dean belonged with sam. because sam would love him better. because with john there was always the threat of danger. so... his protective streak started as a bit naive and selfish, but i'm 100% convinced that it came from a place of love bc he was aware of how messed up their lives were, and bc he cared for dean and wanted him to be safe.
(and of course, it was never simply just about that. sam felt lonely and an outsider in his own family and he missed how close he and dean used to be. and a part of him tried to embrace hunting the same way dean did, but finding himself unable to, and a part of him was jealous of dean's special bond with john, making him feel even more cut off. his feelings for dean and his dad were always complicated)
i think sam always hoped, and even expected, that dean would eventually see the light and join his side. that dean would stop seeing him as his kid brother, but would listen to him and agree with his reasoning, and whatever they'd do next, they'd do it together, as equals. and that dean would somehow be grateful for it. so if he convinced john to postpone a hunt or go alone, so he could have dean with him, and dean could rest and do some homework and they could have fun or even if he was just hanging around or they'd argue or if dean stayed out all night, sam knew he'd come back in one piece to him with jokes and stories to tell him and that's what mattered. every win sam could get for dean like that was also a win for himself. in sam's mind they were supposed to be on the same team fighting the same fight, even if he had to do all the work himself to pry dean from john's hands.
but, one problem: sam was a kid, and he only ever looked at it from his own perspective, he didn't understand why dean did what dean did or what dean needed. he naively thought nudging him in the right direction would be enough. sam didn't understand why dean kept choosing john's side, didn't understand why dean didn't stand up for himself more, couldn't rhyme dean's obedience to john with his concept of the heroic big brother who could do ANYTHING he set his mind to. and with every year that passed they only drifted further apart bc of this, until it exploded.
but despite stanford and all that happened since, i love how sam only grew more protective of dean, in newer and even more bizarre ways, and he eventually got dean exactly where he wanted him, safe and happy at his side😌❤️ so it all ends well when it ends well! for a while at least :/
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