#actually im lonely | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

iiflywithmeii · 16 days

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i just wanna cut everyone off and rot away in my bed

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boopicide · 2 months

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i don't wanna die, i just wanna never have existed in the first place.

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cantdothis-nomore · 4 months

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GODDDD I NEEEEEEED AN EMO BOYFRIEND SO BADDD! WHY ARE THEY SO ATTRACTIVEEEE

This is so random but godddddddd

#emo shit #emo #emo love #love em #johnnie guilbert #need an emo bf #im so lonely #its actually funny

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morii-moth · 6 months

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"this is me on day one of NO rendog !!"

#glad to know hes coping just as well as the rest of us #how in the world does martyn consistently stay the last few green/yellow lifes/ win and yet...#anyways i love the new series if only i could please have more than 2 episodes from martyn thatd be really great thanks #love to see a man get a good beating just kidding pleas #if he dies i will start sobbing trust me #already had me in tears from the first ep #but actually it was wonderful just please if he could make some friends thatd be swell #or not martyn lone wolf arc???#im gonna post this before in hate it because it is 5am and i dont have time to start fixing what was supposed to be a sketch #i really love my yapping in the tags im so sorry #inthelittlewood #itlwart #trafficblr #mcyt #traffic life smp #life series #secret life #secret life smp #life smp #traffic spoilers #my art

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my-lonely-thoughts · 27 days

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Aroace culture is finding out as an adult that sex and romance is not just an over exaggerated concept but a very real thing people like/do 😵‍💫

#no hate to allos!#but im ngl i always thought you just talked and sang about it #not actually DO it lol #love ya'll tho 🫶🏻#aroace #aromantic #aromantic culture #asexual #asexuality #asexual culture #lgbtq #lgtbqia+#lgbtqia #queer #my lonely thoughts

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impure-as-a-lamb · 2 months

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i hate the chronic boredom and emptiness of bpd.

#actually bpd #bpd #bpd vent #i just wanna feel okay #for once #im so sick and sad #i feel so lonely #borderline personality disorder

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aslongasimhereyoureinvincible · 2 years

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okay im sorry but just imagine being kageyama tobio. your parents are always working late, your sister quit volleyball years ago and now she's off being an adult and having a career, none of your teammates get why you care so much and the only guy who did, because he cared the same amount in the same way, graduated 2 years ago and also hated your guts. your peers have given you a cruel nickname just so they can reinforce how little they like or understand you, you dont have any friends, you have nothing but volleyball actually, your grandfather is dead and you are clinging to the promise he made you when you were a little kid because if you dont you might just go insane. you are so, so incredibly lonely.

and then, THEN, this scrawny 5 foot nothing kid stares you down outside the gymnasium bathrooms and promises to beat you, and he totally sucks at volleyball. like, he. is. terrible. but he can run, and he has good reflexes, he jumps so high he looks like he's flying, and most importantly he runs headfirst into a wall and then says 'we haven't lost yet' like its the most obvious thing in the world when his teammates ask him why he bothered. and you realise this kid is just like you, the same kind of fucked in the head you are. and youre furious, what the hell has this guy been doing for the past 3 years? your grandfather promised you that someone even better would come and find you are here he is, but you beat his team in less than an hour and you're pretty sure you'll never see him again, despite him promising to take you down, because never once in your life has anyone who was supposed to stick around actually do that. you're angry because you didn't have to be so painfully lonely all these years, you could've had someone who kept up with you, but he just wasn't there, because he sucks and you don't but he doesn't have to and that makes it so much worse than you just being a freak who was completely one of a kind.

and then you go back to your team, back to your last middle school tournament, and you play more games. only this time youre pissed. you know that there's someone else like you now, someone who will. not. stop until the ball has hit the floor and you don't get why your teammates won't just be better, try harder, move faster. and then they abandon you too. you thought you were alone before, but now you have absolutely nothing, not even volleyball. and you didn't get into the school your grandfather went to, and the coach you picked your back-up school for is in the hospital, and your plan for the next 3 years is to essentially bide your time until you get scouted into the v-league because you literally do not have anything left and you are doing everything your 15 years old and incredibly depressed self can because you refuse to let go of volleyball, no matter how lonely it makes you, no matter how much it hurts to cling on.

and then, AND THEN. that same scrawny dumbass from that 2-0 match in middle school is there and he still sucks and he's still the same kind of fucked in the head that you are and you won't give him one of your 'royal sets', not after what happened last time, you can't stop being lonely but you can at least try to not get abandoned again. and he says 'forget all that, i'll be here no matter what', and he spikes the damn set. he shuts his freaking eyes and he trusts you and you have just had the rug pulled out from underneath your damn feet because you understand, maybe better than anyone else, being ready to do whatever it takes to win but who the hell just fully puts their faith in someone else like that and maybe, just maybe, this kid was serious when he swore he'd get better and take you down.

he's invincible as long as youre there and so are you as long as you have him. you ask him if he's prepared to go all the way to the world stage to take you on, because you've never set your sights anywhere else, and he tells you he'll match you every step of the way. he picks up your crown, puts it right back on your head and proves to you that he refuses to leave you just like everyone else did, even at your worst. you tossed and he spiked and he said 'i'm here' and he is.

he is, and he never stops being here for you, chasing after you, making you chase after him, even when he's on the other damn side of the planet. and then 6 whole years after you first met him, first played him, first thought that maybe your grandfather would keep his promise to you, you get to play him again and you realise that he is your someone even better, always has been. actually, they all are. and you're not that lonely tyrant you used to be anymore, youre not that sad, abandoned kid hiding behind anger and obsession, you're doing the thing you love surrounded by people who love it in the same fucked in the head way that he and you do, and the man you love is there across the net from you, playing against you, and he's also there on the court next to you, playing with you, and either way he is here.

you got really, really good at volleyball, and somebody even better came and found you.

he's here.

#haikyuu!!#kageyama tobio #hinata shouyou #kagehina #girl please fucking help they make me INSANE #i am GOING FUCKING BONKERS I ACTUALLY CANT #I *CANNOT* THINK ABOUT THEM TOO HARD WITHOUT LOSING MY GODDAMN MIND #KAGEYAMA WAS JUST. SO FUCKING LONELY IT MAKES ME CRY #AND THEN HINATA. WHO WAS JUST AS FUCKING LONELY. CAME INTO HIS LIFE #aND THEY HAVENT LET EACH OTHER GO SINCE #GOD FUCKING D A M N I T FURUDATE #ok im fine now.#i promise i am behing so normal and hinged about them.#og post //#dear fucking lord

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jade-len · 4 months

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you know it's bad when i read svsss and tgcf, stories about just two guys falling in love and getting together, and think, "god i wish i were in between them."

gay little domestic cottage core life with binghe and qingqiu? please and thank you. being sandwiched by hua cheng and xie lian, two pretty men who are hundreds of years old? i am blushing, kicking my feet and giggling

and again, it's not even that i would want only one of them. like in both of the relationships, the two love each other too much to the point it'd feel wrong if they were separated! it wouldn't feel complete, so you gotta be with both of them!

but that's the thing; i just?? i feel so incredibly guilty whenever i think about being loved by these mxtx couples??? like it's so stupid but i feel like i'm intruding in on something and it's like, everyone else seems to just want them together only, not wanna be with them. like it's fuckin taboo or whatever

i feel like with any other character from any other media it'd be fine to simp for and write/read x readers of them, but when it comes to these books, it's off limits! no way, what are you, crazy? yes, yes i'm unhinged and desperately want their love and affection simultaneously. i want to be in a happy little poly relationship with these overpowered beautiful men with long hair.

i can't be the only guy or whoever to feel this way?? to wanna be kissed by these characters? sandwiched?? i have two hands for christ sake and they all look so happy together and im just like "lord i wanna be with them so much". someone tell me i'm not alone cmon <\3

#okay i havent read mdzs yet but i'll probably feel the same way #god i just wanna be in between shen qingqiu and binghe or hua cheng and xie lian please please #im sad im queer and im ready for a gay poly relationship with these mfs #i love them all #i remember seeing some post where it was like 'hua cheng x fem reader headcanons'#and i was like 'huh thats interesting. not fem but i'll check it out bc ive never rlly seen anything like that'#and then it was like 'he'd leave you for xie lian' and it was fucking hilarious actually #but then i saw the comments on that post and they were all like 'omg i was about to unfollow and block you' 'thank god' etc #and i was just like #'damn?? do people really not like this type of stuff when it comes to danmei novels or smth?'#i don't know if it was just bc it said fem reader or bc yk it's danmei and hua cheng and xie lian are very much in love and happy #but it lowkey kinda got me self conscious lmao and i was hella feeling bad #also no hate to that poster or those commenters im just a lonely queer man #'he would leave you for xie lian' was fucking brutal though i laughed my ass off at thag KAHSNZJ #please i swear i wont stand out too much i can fit in i have long luxurious hair too let me show you my hair care routine guys </3 #svsss #mxtx svsss #luo binghe #bingqiu #tgcf #heavens official blessing #mxtx tgcf #mxtx novels #mxtx characters #hua cheng #xie lian #hualian #shen qingqiu #the scum villain's self saving system

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gyffindraws · 13 days

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i've been working on this idea since valentine's day and decided to skech out a cover (even though i literally only have a few out of context pages sketched lol)

over explained au idea under the cut

it's an au in which crowley is a human running his own plant store and aziraphale is a cherub that was kept in heaven after the eden/sword mishap. He runs the human archives in heaven and has been obsessed with humans ever since he met adam and eve. he's been schemeing for millenia to get a chance to go to earth (having only watched earth from the scrolls in the archives).

serendipitously, aziraphale finds an old file called the Cupid Project, a defunct project wherein angels would foster love amongst humans by helping them make connections (via celestial arrows to the heart, yeah. there was a reason it was cancelled). Seeing his chance, he pitches a reboot of the project to help more humans find love (and get his ass to earth). Annoyed, the archangels finally agree, if only to get him to stop pestering them. Under their terms, the archangels set a test for aziraphale to prove the project's worth. They pick a human for aziraphale to successfully find love for and give him one year to make it happen.

Anthony Crowley is a man that doesn't like to be bothered. He has a few 'friends' that check in on him from time to time, but really, he prefers to be alone with his plants. Really, he does. He's grumpy and prickly and pushes away anyone that gets too close. Which is what makes him the perfect candiate for aziraphale's test. Snickering to themselves, the archangels pick a man that couldn't possibly open himself to love. And when the year is up, aziraphale will be back in the archives, where he's promised not to bother them ever again.

tldr: human!crowley, angel!aziraphale, flower store, aziraphale as cupid. slow burn and strangers to friends to lovers. sappy romance, pining

some bonuses: the flowers crowley is holding are gardenias, which represent secret love. The flower's in the corner are cupid's dart, because of obvious reasons

#the title is extremely rough and will not look like that good god i swear im a graphic designer #good omens #aziracrow #ineffable husbands fanart #human!crowley #good omens fanart #my art #good omens comics #it may be a while until actual pages of this comic happen but i have the plot layed out and a few panels i did to test designs and styles #wip #crowley is a grumpy and lonely man and is immediately endeared to aziraphales quirky personality #crowley is unsure at first but quickly falls in love and aziraphale doesnt realize how much he loves him until its almost too late #aziraphale #crowley #anthony j crowley

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creepymutelilbugger · 9 months

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kind of want a girl who is really good at handling spicy food to bring me to her favorite restaurant and keep feeding me different really spicy things until I'm crying but I'm doing really well and trying really hard and I keep going and I try everything and I'm melting but she says I did a good job and she gives me a really tight hug but i have to break away to blow my nose bc im crying bc of the food but then she hugs me again when im done

is that so much to ask ?????????

#196 #rule #shitpost #r/196 #/r/196 #r196 #useless lesbian #silly stupid no good lesbian posting #god im lonely #but i prob couldn't even handle a relationship anyway so #time to lonelypost #bottomposting #topposting #but actually it's #switchposting #:3333 #lesbian

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funkfuck · 1 year

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majima saying “i’m the only one who can kill you” isnt literal. hes just a deeply traumatized man desperately trying to say “you can’t leave me until i say you can”

throughout his life hes just losing EVERYONE that he cares for, anyone who goes so far as to be decent to him either ends up dead or behind bars or suffering some other horrible fate. i feel like yakuza 0 is really him realizing that, that just by being connected to him the people he wants to keep safe are always going to be in danger. because of him, because of his life. he leaves makoto not because he doesn’t love her or because he doesn’t want to be with her but because he knows she doesn’t deserve to get dragged through hell and back again and again and again just because of him.

(i mean just think of haruka. haruka after the whole ten billion incident goes down would mean basically nothing to the tojo clan. but because kiryu decides to raise and care for her, she gets kidnapped, she goes through intensely traumatic events, she’s constantly in danger of dying at the hands of people who don’t really care for her, who just want to get close to kiryu)

and majima knows this. he knows that in this line of work simply having meaningful connections with others will be punished, either literally by someone higher up than him in the pecking order (you know, like the hole) and/or with the inherent grief and guilt that comes with losing someone.

and who is the exception? who is the person who, despite always facing life-threatening danger, comes out on top over and over again? its kiryu. the only permanent fixture in majima’s life. the only person who refuses to die no matter what happens. his only friend. majima’s so loyal and trusting of him because he knows he’s the only man who can handle it, the only person he’s not a danger to (ironic). what is majima everywhere if not his fucked up way of making sure kiryu is strong enough to fight off all the people coming for him? so that he doesn’t get killed by someone while he’s not looking?

he can’t lose kiryu. if he dies he’ll be completely alone. he’ll just become another yakuza who can’t trust anyone. i honestly, truly believe if kiryu were to die we’d get another majima storms the dojima tojo hq and leaves no man standing moment like the final boss fights in yakuza 0. he’d go completely off the rails in a more intense way than we’ve ever seen before. (and you know what. if kiryu was dead when he arrived at the diet building in y3 we would’ve seen that. the anguish and pain in his voice when he can’t see him is... insane. he would’ve torn apart at least 20 men right there)

majima taking a knife to the gut to protect kiryu, majima beating sengoku’s men and almost dying just to keep his promise, majima going back to help daigo just because kiryu asked, the whole pink truck fiasco... he’s always desperately showing he cares, he just can’t say it.

“I’m the only one allowed to kill him!” just means “You can’t die on me, too.”

#playing yakuza 4. lots of thoughts #yakuza #rgg #kazuma kiryu #goro majima #its just. the way this man is so lonely #honestly is he close with anyone other than kiryu? im talking yk1-y3 because thats really where im at rn #and i dont mean like nishida #i mean like truly actually friends?#anyway is this anything #it sounded much more profound in my head

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iiflywithmeii · 10 days

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taking applications now for someone to murder me