I Like To Imagine Albus Potter And Scorpius Malfoy Overhear Rumours About Themselves Or Slytherin And Just Confirm Them Regardless Of Whether They’re True:
Student: I heard Albus Potter has the hots for Yann Fredericks.
Albus, Has Literally Rejected Yann Before: Oh my God, who just uttered the name of the love of my life? Yann Fredericks? Yeah, he’s my future husband. I have a shrine and I’ve collected locks of his hair and everything.
—
Student: Did you hear? Malfoy might actually be a Riddle!
Scorpius, Fucking Draco Clone: That is absolutely correct! Ssssaa-hushaaa-fasss— *cough*
—
Student: Do you reckon Potter takes it up the ass?
Albus, Prefers Topping: Every goddamn night my guy! My dorm mates are seriously getting annoyed with how many people I invite into the bed with me.
Scorpius, An Asexual: I could never get sick of hearing you moan.
Albus: Why thank you Malfoy! I’ll see you in my bed tonight. I’m taking it up the ass! *celebratory fist pump*
Scorpius: Whoo!
—
Student: Oh my God! Malfoy’s wearing a skirt! He looks like a girl!
Scorpius, An Intersex Roseboy: Am I a pretty girl?
Student: Wha— Wait, are you a girl or a boy?
Scorpius: Yes.
—
Student: I heard that all Slytherins worship the Devil.
Albus, Literally A Satanist: Aw man! I left my silk red robe and sacrificial dagger at home! How am I gonna sacrifice these children to appease my dark master now!?
Scorpius, Would Die Before Hurting Anyone: Don’t worry Albus, I got you! *presents random stick he found in the garden* we can beat the children with the child-whacking-stick!
—
Student: Do you reckon Potter is adopted?
Albus, With His Messy Black Hair And Green Eyes: This! *points to face aggressively* This isn’t real! I’ve been dying my hair this whole time! These are contact lenses! My real eye colour is brown!
—
Student: Potter and Malfoy probably fuck every night, they’re so inseparable.
Scorpius, A Virgin Asexual: Hell yeah we do! Why do you think I need a cane to walk?
Albus, Would Never Even Dream Of Touching Scorp At The Moment: I be obliterating that ass every opportunity I get.
Scorpius: My spine fusing together? That’s because Albus just goes so hard at it.
—
Student: You have to sell your soul to get into Slytherin I’m pretty sure.
Albus, Has Probably Dabbled In The Dark Arts: Abso-fucking-lutely you do!
Scorpius, Just Watched Shrek And Doesn’t Know The Original Song: I sold my soul to the muffin man.
Albus: The muffin man!?
Scorpius: The muffin man!
Albus: Who lives on drury lane?
Scorpius: Yes. Who did you sell your soul to?
Albus: Viagra.
—
Student: Isn’t Malfoy like, a slut or something? I swear he’s slept with everyone at school.
Scorpius, A Virgin Asexual: Hell yeah! Cock-a-doodle-do me right now motherfuckers!
—
Student: I heard Potter has had seven different STI’s.
Albus, Literally Refuses If There’s No Condom: Yeah dude, the fucking warts killing me man. Good thing I haven’t gotten the big one yet. You know, kids.
—
Student: Oh my God! It’s so sad! Malfoy has a crush on Granger-Weasley!
Scorpius, A Homoromantic: Yup, it is so tragic. We’re like Romeo and Juliet, minus the marriage and suicide. And also, she doesn’t like me back *wipes fake tear*
—
Student: I think Albus Potter is plotting to kill his Father.
Albus, Just Came Back From A Nice Lunch With Harry: Hey! Don’t diminish my ambitions! I’m plotting to murder my entire family, actually!
—
Student: I heard Albus and Scorpius eloped over the summer.
Albus, Spent His Summer In Spain: …?
Scorpius, Spent His Summer With The Longbottom’s: …?
Albus and Scorpius: *proceed to buy cheap rings purely to confuse the fuck out of people and also start calling each other the wrong surname*
—
Student: Did you hear? Malfoy is a Necromancer!
Scorpius, Healing A Random Boggart He Found: I … I can’t even say anything to this one. It’s a reasonable enough assumption.
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Hide-and-seek
Written for @hinnymicrofic, August Day 1: Hide
Ginny stared at the invisible group of children in the middle of the living room as Lily’s giggle echoed through the room, followed by a shush from her big brother.
Harry didn’t bother to look up. “Trust me, dear. You will never find our children. They’ve hidden so well.”
She nodded. “They have outdone themselves certainly.” Her hands landed on her sides. “I don’t think they’re downstairs at all.” She tip-toed over to her husband, careful not to bump into her three invisible kids. “And since they’re not here...” She leaned toward Harry.
He looked up at her, gaze soft, his eyes crinkling as he bit back his grin. As her lips neared his, several spluttering objections erupted from the middle of the room, especially from their two sons.
“Gross!” James yelled, escaping the cloak first and making a beeline for the door.
Albus pulled the cloak off him and his sister, he stumbled backwards, frowning at them as he made his escape.
Grabbing onto the cloak, Lily’s big eyes followed her brothers and then looked back at him. She blinked and then with a toothy grin she pulled the cloak back over her head.
Ginny gave her two seconds to hide. Then she stood up and followed the giggling toddler into the kitchen. “I am going to get you!”
The giggles grew louder, the pitter-patter of her feet audible on the tile floor as she walked away from her mother.
Harry appeared at the other side of the counter. “Quick Lily, make your escape. I’ll distract your mum.” He winked at Ginny.
“Okay!” the toddler replied.
Ginny faked a gasp and ducked after the toddler. She pulled the cloak off her daughter and kissed her head. “Good job, Lils.”
“Again! Again!” she exclaimed.
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