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sparktoafire · 3 years

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2020 fic recs

thank you to all the fic writers who kept me afloat and more or less sane during this weird, fucked up year. literally don’t think i could have done it without you. to pay it forward, here are some recs. it was really difficult to pick what to put on this list, but these ones did stand out the most in the end. still, my thanks goes to literally every fic writer ever, and especially everyone whose fics i read this year, even if they aren’t on this list.

disclaimer & some notes: a lot of these are older fics, because i discovered a new fandom and returned to ones i’d been taking a break from. but all were read during 2020. (did some maths and i seem to have read approximately 2.5 million words of fanfic this year?.....). also, tried to add warnings the best i could, please heed them and check the author’s warnings as well, just in case.

ok, recs are under the cut!

MARVEL

we could jump the state lines (we only get the one life) by @notcaycepollard | Bucky Barnes/Sam Wilson | 33k | warnings: PTSD | Comment: a very unpredictable, intimate and complicated story of recovery and finding each other.

Covert Coffee & Flirtation Special by @glittercake | Bucky Barnes/Sam Wilson | 5.5k | warnings: none | Comment: so much fun! i was cackling half the time and the identity porn really works.

Like Soldiers Do by @glittercake | Bucky Barnes/Sam Wilson | 8k (ongoing) | warnings: canon-typical violence | Comment: there’s a lot of jokes and fronting here, but the intimacy and passion are what makes this fic so compelling.

There Is No Shortage of Blood by @albymangroves @dsudis | Bucky Barnes/Steve Rogers | 246k | warnings: (a lot, including but not limited to) rape recovery, rape aftermath, rape fantasy, self-harm, suicidal thoughts, etc. please read author’s warnings | Comment: a harsh, desperate, gruesome path through recovery, shot through with a lot of love, care and community. there are no easy answers here, but the little wins are all the more awarding for it.

Just Stay Alive ‘verse by @dsudis | Steve Rogers/Sam Wilson, Bucky Barnes/Steve Rogers/Sam Wilson | 85k | warnings: dissociation, ptsd, mentions of child murder | Comment: a really interesting story (almost a theory, I want to say) of how Bucky finds his place in Steve and Sam’s lives, the different ways they all connect with each other and what they become together.

Comedy Jokes by @softsams | Steve Rogers/Sam Wilson, Bucky Barnes/Steve Rogers/Sam Wilson | 77k | warnings: suicidal thoughts, panic attacks, car accidents, body image issues | Comment: this was one of the first fics I read in the mcu fandom. a lot of regular, non-Hollywood appropriate aspects of human life are made visible in this story, and there is just so much humanity and compassion and holding space that happens here, that it blew me away.

Alexander Pierce should have died slower ‘verse by Lauralot | mostly no pairing, some Bucky Barnes/Alexander Pierce in the first few parts | 301k | warnings: literally so many. including but not limited to rape, rape recovery, ptsd, violence, etc. please read author’s warnings. Comment: a very different, more trauma-heavy take on age-play than usual. complicated, well-written, often also funny and sweet.

VENOM:

Drawn into Something ‘verse by Nonymos | Eddie Brock/Venom, Eddie Brock/Dan Lewis/Venom/Anne Weying, etc | 101 k | warnings: graphic descriptions of violence, vore(ish), consensual non-consent, alien rape fantasy, rape roleplay, etc. check author’s warnings. Comment: not really sure how to describe this one. it’s got all the elements of a good Symbrock fic - aka weird alien significant other stuff - but also polyamory with your ex and her current bf + a lot of really good (and fairly disturbing) kink. this description doesn’t do it justice, just read it (or the author’s summary at least).

came all this way (to hold our hand) by @alakeeffectgirl | Eddie Brock/Venom | 651 words | warnings: none | Comment: possibly one of the strangest things I’ve read this year? A strange mix of not-quite-porn and fluff. short and very satisfying (to me).

HARRY POTTER:

Chrysalis by starcrossedgirl | Harry Potter/Severus Snape | 85k | warnings: mental health issues, depression, panic attacks, suicidal ideation, reference to child sexual abuse, etc. please read author’s warnings. Comment: a really well written account of Snape’s traumas and Harry discovering them and trying to find the balance with their combined traumas . there can never be enough Snape whump.

Pacify ‘verse by Chickenpets | Harry Potter/ Severus Snape | 500k (ongoing) | warnings: again, so, so many. graphic descriptions of violence, underage sex, ptsd, torture, panic attacks, etc. please check author’s warnings. Comment: this is both a very interesting and extremely detailed retelling of the last two books (and beyond), as well as the greatest love story ever told, as well as a lovely description of a (morally extremely dubious, of course, but that goes without saying) hardcore bdsm relationship. I like bdsm fic where the bdsm serves a psychological or practical purpose and isn’t merely a kink, and this very much hits the mark with that. it also isn’t as simple as you might think. very, very creative and well-written.

Quid Pro Quo by anonymous | Harry Potter/Severus Snape | 88 k (ongoing) | warnings: past child abuse | Comment: a really nice account of a marriage of convenience turning into something deeper. love the sparse and obscure way Snape is written.

Under the Same Sky by @writcraft | Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter| 37k | warnings: none. | Comment: what I said about psychologically motivated bdsm applies here too – not bdsm, but kinky in a very compelling and casual way. don’t know if it’s romance with a side of kink or kink with a side of romance, but very nice either way.

#go forth and read #not the most uplifting stuff admittedly #but very good #and i dont do sad endings so rest assured there is light at the end of all these angst tunnels #fic rec #marvel #harry potter #venom #snarry #drarry #symbrock #sambucky #stevebucky #samstevebucky #ms

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ao3feed-stucky · 4 years

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by Call_Me_Kayyyyy (Cheeky9274)

This is inspired by one of my favorite stories about Bucky's recovery from his time as the winder soldier. In the story Bucky has his wisdom teeth removed and wakes up groggy from the anesthesia so Steve tries to gauge his mental state. ----------------------------------- "Bucky, who am I?" Steve asked in a more stern voice.

Bucky's mouth started to move but his voice was muffled by the gauze and numbness in his mouth. "Daddy." A flinch. "Stevie." Another flinch. "Handler." ----------------------------------- Based on this I thought of what sort of mug Bucky might give Steve for Christmas or his birthday.

Words: , Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Fandoms: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe

Rating: Mature

Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Categories: M/M

Characters: Steve Rogers, James "Bucky" Barnes

Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers

Additional Tags: alexander pierce should have died slower, Fanart, Winter Soldier Bucky Barnes, Bucky Barnes Recovering

#Bucky #AO3 works tagged 'James Barnes/Steve Rogers'#ao3feed #stucky #steve rogers #bucky barnes #c

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fucking-hydra · 4 years

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I don't know if you're into it, but would you ever consider a writing prompt of Bucky or Winter Soldier/Alexander Pierce? Like maybe something from back when Robert Redford was super hot and maybe new at handling the Winter Soldier? Or something from canon-era? Either way, something rough and HTP worthy? If canon-era, maybe throw in Brock as Pierce's attack dog? Though still with Pierce as the main one. If not, that's chill. I know mine is a rare pair.

!! ooh i will absolutely write that. i can give you a little bit of both. also, if winterpierce is your thing, have you heard of the series “alexander pierce should have died slower” on ao3?? would probably be up your alley, though it is more of a daddy kink thing, if that’s not your thing.

here is the link to that series, if you’d like to check it out. otherwise, here’s what i’ve got for ya!

(EDIT: Kept Phoenix’s commentary, but I’m gonna take over on this one. Honestly I’m surprised that this is a rare pairing, feels like it oughta be more common. Here ya go.)

The Soldier’s ears ring, and it faces forward again, meets Pierce’s eyes long enough to acknowledge him before dropping its head in submission. It failed the mission, but there’s a small voice within the Soldier that informs it that the mission was doomed from the start. The voice is followed immediately by blinding pain, the Soldier’s right arm spasming. The Soldier thinks it hears the voice screaming in agony in the split second before it’s struck again, head whipped to the side so hard its neck cracks. Pierce’s hand is still raised when the Soldier faces him.

“Pay attention,” Pierce snaps, and the Soldier nods once.

“Yes, Commander.”

Pierce turns to the man beside him, the Soldier’s soon-to-be-former handler. “Is he always this much of a goddamn nuisance?” Pierce asks, and Mikhail laughs.

“No, it bonds to handlers with time. If you want to speed that up, break it in a little. It started doing better with me after the first time I made it bleed when fucking it.”

Pierce frowns. “And the superiors didn’t mind that?”

“No. It did better after that, so they encouraged it.”

The look Pierce gives the Soldier makes the Soldier shiver involuntarily.

“Sir?”

Pierce’s gaze flicks up to the Soldier’s face from where he’s sitting between the Soldier’s bare legs on the bed.

Pierce’s fingers brush over the Soldier’s bare hip, disappointed. “The marks I put on you last time, they’re gone,” Pierce says finally. “It was only a week ago.”

The Soldier nods, propping itself up on its elbows. “The Soldier is enhanced to preserve its functionality,” it parrots. “Standard combat injuries repair within two or three days, intensive injuries within two weeks.”

Pierce sighs. “Well, we can try and change that. In the meantime, let’s see if we can’t make you quieter in combat. That whole ‘screaming when wounded’ thing needs to stop, it’s killing my ears.”

The Soldier lies down and whimpers, writhing as Pierce slowly sinks a blade into the Soldier’s hip, inch by inch. Pierce stops when the handle touches the Soldier’s skin, grinning wickedly when the Soldier sighs in relief.

The sudden twist of the knife makes the Soldier sob through a scream, and Pierce laughs as he pulls the blade out, as the Soldier squeezes its eyes shut and sobs, the wound healing before the blood even reaches the sheets.

“Now, let’s try that again, shall we?” Pierce asks. “I want you down to a whine at the most before I even consider letting you get off.”

The Soldier whimpers, but nods.

Rumlow knocks on the heavy wood doors to Pierce’s office.

“Come in!” Pierce’s voice calls, and Rumlow enters, pausing when he takes in the scene in front of him.

“Secretary Pierce?” He asks, and Pierce smiles, straightening his tie and leaning back against his desk with the Winter Soldier facing him, naked and kneeling at his feet.

“Hello, Brock. Come in, sit down, won’t you?”

Rumlow moves to sit cautiously in the chair in front of them. “What can I do for you, Secretary?”

“I need someone to take over as the Soldier’s handler. Someone I can trust. I’d like that to be you,” Pierce says, and Rumlow nods.

“Mr. Secretary, I’d be honored. Is that why he’s here?”

Pierce smiles. “Yes. I need you to be prepared to handle the Soldier, and I figured I could show you how to bond with it properly.” Pierce taps the metal arm with his right hand, and the Soldier looks up at Pierce. “Give me the knife.”

The Soldier raises its flesh hand, holding the knife out to Pierce, handle first. Pierce takes the knife, and Rumlow watches as Pierce yanks back the Soldier’s head by the hair, cutting a line behind the Soldier’s ear and down its neck, a small drip of blood barely escaping the wound before it heals.

“It responds best when you mix its pain and pleasure,” Pierce says, snapping his fingers. The Soldier rises to its feet, falling into a parade rest at Pierce’s side, and Pierce strokes the Soldier’s already half-hard cock with one hand as he carves a deep “P” into the Soldier’s hip, blood running from the wound as the Soldier stands silently in place.

“Just remember that it can’t do anything without a command,” Pierce says, as casually as if he were talking about how to drive a car. He places the knife on the desk, then turns to the Soldier. “Cum.”

The Soldier sighs out a breath as it cums, but otherwise doesn’t react. Pierce pushes the Soldier back to its knees, then holds out his hand, the Soldier licking its own cum out of his palm. Rumlow shifts in his seat, trying to disguise just how hard he is.

“Make sense?” Pierce asks, and Rumlow nods.

“Yes Mr. Secretary, seems fairly straight foward to me,” he says, and Pierce smiles broadly.

“Wonderful. I knew you’d take to this quickly. The Soldier is all yours then. Its clothes are in the corner, but I’m about to step out for lunch, so if you’d like to use the office for an hour or so, be my guest.” Pierce pats the Soldier’s head. “Soldier, this is Commander Rumlow, your new handler. You’ll show him all the respect you’ve shown me.”

The Soldier nods. “Yes sir.” It moves forward to kneel at Rumlow’s feet.

Pierce leaves the room, and Rumlow runs a hand through the Soldier’s hair a few times before gripping it tightly. This should be fun.

#bucky's writing #winterpierce #My writing #my posts #bucky's posts #never thought i'd be on this blog. but here i am.

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ao3feed-buckybarnes · 5 years

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Late at Night

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/2AhAJKn

by HashtagLEH

When Brock and Jack find out about the Winter Soldier's little side, rather than allowing him to go back to Pierce they decide to go on the run so he doesn't have to be abused anymore. Somewhere along the way, Tony Stark found out about it and is part of the Bucky Barnes Protection Squad.

But Bucky still has a hard go of it, and sometimes he just needs a daddy. A good one, though. So that they can all live as a happy family.

AU of Lauralot's APSHDS series.

Words: 3231, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Series: Part 3 of Little Snippets

Fandoms: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)

Rating: Mature

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Characters: James "Bucky" Barnes, Jack Rollins, Brock Rumlow, Tony Stark, Pepper Potts, Steve Rogers, Alexander Pierce (mentioned)

Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes & Brock Rumlow, James "Bucky" Barnes & Jack Rollins, James "Bucky" Barnes & Jack Rollins & Brock Rumlow, James "Bucky" Barnes & Tony Stark

Additional Tags: alexander pierce should have died slower, good guy Brock Rumlow, good guy Jack Rollins, AU of AU, Villain Tony Stark, villain iron man, except not really, notes at the end, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Bucky Barnes Recovering, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Does What He Wants, Tony Stark Is a Good Bro, Wetting, Age Play, Non-Sexual Age Play, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Past Rape/Non-con, Past Abuse, Emotional Manipulation, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Past Brainwashing, honestly if you're familiar with apshds you should be familiar with all the warning tags, APSHDS, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, little Bucky Barnes, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Bucky has it

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/2AhAJKn

#bucky #IFTTT #ao3feed #fanfic #bucky barnes #james barnes #the winter soldier #james barnes

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lauralot89 · 3 years

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I think you already know how much I love APSHDS, but I particularly enjoy the way you write Steve as so complicated. He’s having his own hardships but he’s also so patient and kind and gentle. He’s always trying to find the best way to love and care for Bucky, whatever it is - putting up with a fit Bucky is throwing, adapting to the soldier, playing with teddy bears. You’ve really captured what I think is the spirit of love - loving someone the way /they/ need. I often go back and reread passages of Steve’s interactions with little!Bucky.

I could go on and on. I love your fics and they’ve touched me so deeply.

Thank you so much. I love writing their relationship.

#ask #thedarkcaustic #Alexander Pierce should have died slower

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fuckyeahdeafandasexual · 7 years

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Never have I ever published anything above 5k

I have!

My fic Trapped, trapped, trapped ('till the cage is full) has reached a wordcount of 23k :D

It’s an APSHDS (Alexander Pierce Should Have Died Slower, (MCU series by @lauralot89)) and OITNB (Orange is the new Black) crossover :)

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thestuckylibrary · 7 years

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To the anon who asked about the fic where Bucky has dissociative identity disorder and then splits into different personalities, I think you might be thinking of the epic Lauralot's Alexander Pierce Should Have Died Slower series. It has an AU/spinoff fic where the personalities split into different bodies, called You Look Funny Like My Mirror.

Thank you for letting us know! [Alexander Pierce should have died slower](http://archiveofourown.org/series/114886) (rape/noncon, heed the warnings for every work in the series) by [Lauralot](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Lauralot/pseuds/Lauralot)> A series that spun out of a kink meme prompt. Alexander Pierce likes to humiliate the Winter Soldier by forcing him to roleplay a small child between missions. When Steve finds Bucky after the fall of SHIELD, everyone has to deal with the aftermath.> This series starts dark and slowly gets lighter.[You Look Familiar Like My Mirror](http://archiveofourown.org/works/4796900/) by [Lauralot](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Lauralot/pseuds/Lauralot)> Once he saw a video on Tasha’s computer about people making candy. They shoved the taffy on these hooks and pulled and pulled, stretching it out until they tore it to pieces.> He thinks it hurts.

#anonymous #popreq:did #mod blue

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hydratrashbook · 7 years

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Trash of the Day: Day 27

A Small World After All by babydraco

Read it now on page 215 of the Hydra TrashBook [link to pdf download] or on AO3!

Summary: Set in Lauralot's Alexander Pierce Should Have Died Slower series, in which Alexander Pierce forces the Winter Soldier to participate in non consenting sexual age play. This damages him so much that when he's finally safe with the Avengers, he's developed a mental illness in which he involuntarily switches between child and adult and Steve must become Bucky's parent. In this installment, Steve and Bucky visit Disney World, The Happiest Place on Earth.

Rating: T

Pairings: Bucky & Steve, Bucky / Pierce

Words: 7057

Additional Tags: Disney World & Disneyland, Physical Abuse, Non-sexual ageplay, Panic Attacks, Misunderstandings, Daddy!Steve, Little!Bucky, Stuffed Toys, little!Natasha, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Torture, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied non-consensual spanking, Gentle Dom Steve, Psychological Trauma, Coping, Domestic Avengers, Guilt, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Daddy Kink, Daddy Pierce, Fluff and Angst, Crying, Vacation, Disney World Episode

***

The Asset disassembled his sniper rifle, quickly repacking his bag and backing away from the bushes he'd been behind, melting into the crowd. His team met him at the train station but instead of getting on the train, they took him in a car to a private airport, where they boarded a jet to California. As always after a high level mission, he was brought directly to Under Secretary Pierce for a private meeting at his hotel in Anaheim.

“Mission Report.”

“Mission failed. Target survived.” Pierce didn't need to ask, he'd already know if The Asset had been successful, it would be on the news. He would have wanted The Asset to say it out loud though. The Asset studied the floor in shame.

“Leave us alone, please.”

[READ MORE ON AO3]

#hydra trash party #hydra trash party edit #hydra trash book 2k15

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lpdwillwrite4coffee · 4 years

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CHILDREN OF LILITH CHAPTER TWENTY

“Excuse me, sorry, comin’ through, whoa sorry!” Boz weaved between slower going pedestrians and bolted up the stairs from the subway platform.

Making a wide turn, his boots scraped on the concrete as he immediately pulled up short, blocked by two moms with double strollers. Seriously? Hadn’t they heard of population control?

Boz ducked right, only to be cut off, so he moved left. Nope, not that way either.

“Okay really?” He blurted, waving his arms out. “We get it, your kids have that cute Double Mint Twin thing going for them. Now please get out of the way.”

Ignoring the vulgar shouting from the two women- who by the way shouldn’t be using those words around children old enough to repeat them- he jogged past them and took off at a dead run.

Regret twisted his stomach into a double Windsor. He should have never gone to the Bronx or to Queens. He should have stayed with Griffin and Nikki. And he definitely shouldn’t have eaten a Ruben with extra sauerkraut right before sprinting.

Slamming into the front door, he palmed the knob and skidded into the main room.

“I’m here, I’m here,” he gasped. “How are they? What happened? Is everyone okay?” He groaned and leaned over, supporting himself on his thighs. “Oh God… running… full stomach… I think I’m gonna hurl.”

“Chill, Boz,” Lisa commanded. “Everyone’s alive.”

She was standing behind Griffin, who was hunched over with his right forearm pressed onto the edge of the kitchen table. He looked like hell.

Forcing air down his throat, he stared at Griffin. “What happened?”

“Dislocated shoulder,” Griffin answered, voice turned to gravel.

“Another one? At this rate buddy, you’re gonna need orthopedic surgery before you’re thirty.”

The smirk Griffin flashed was inked in bitterness. “Looking forward to it.”

Lisa steadied herself behind Griffin and only offered Nikki a cautionary glance before she said, “Okay Griff, on three…” She placed her hands on him. “One-”

The loud crunchy pop of Griffin’s shoulder when she manipulated it back into the socket made Boz’s nausea multiply. “Oh, shit, that’s gross,” he mumbled against his fist.

Griffin cursed and slumped against the table. Tucking his chin, he squeezed his eyes closed and inhaled ragged breaths.

“Forget how to count?” he finally said through gritted teeth.

“It would have been much worse if you’d tensed up when I did that.” Lisa gave him a gentle pat on the bicep before going to the counter and grabbing a pack of gauze and a bottle of rubbing alcohol. “Hey Boz, you mind giving me a hand?”

Boz blinked owlishly. “Ah… What else, exactly, needs to be done?”

“Help Nikki while I finish up here,” Lisa said, gesturing to the first aid kit on the table.

Relieved there weren’t any more joints needing to be returned to their natural positions, Boz nodded and strode over to the seat next to Nikki. Blood, guts, and nasty smells he could handle. It was the sounds that made him sick.

“What happened?” He asked, unraveling the cloth from her palm.

“I cut myself,” Nikki responded, expression as flat as her voice.

Removing the taped gauze from her palm, he whispered, “Yikes. That’s a deep one.”

“A box cutter will do that to you,” Griffin muttered sharply.

Boz glanced at his friend. He’s seen that look, heard that tone, too many times to count, but even this time felt different. The ice in his glare permeated.

Turning to Nikki, Boz asked, “Someone came at you with a box cutter?”

“I did.”

He frowned. “What?”

She lifted her gaze, gold staining the natural sapphire in the shape of a starburst, and Boz’s mouth went slack.

“I did it to myself,” Nikki explained.

He was about to ask why, when Griffin shot to his feet, waving Lisa off of him as she tried to clean a gash near his hairline.

Keeping his stare on the ground, he grunted, “I need a shower,” and strode past them.

“Be careful with your shoulder,” Lisa told him, tossing gauze onto the table.

The silence left in his wake was less than comforting. Boz couldn’t handle it.

“So… didn’t anyone tell you to be careful with sharp objects?”

Not even a smile.

Clearing his throat, he said, “Right. I’ll just…” and nodded at Nikki’s hand.

A hand that was scarily cold and trembling. Making sure each touch was as gentle as possible, Boz redressed Nikki’s wound and didn’t say another word.

* * *

There were two things Griffin had thought about himself for so long he learned to accept them as fact: That the sum of his broken parts still didn’t add up to much, and that whether or not he was capable of it, he wasn’t in a position to love.

He was fine with the first statement, but the second… The second was causing him a lot of trouble.

Griffin had heard what Doctor Oliver said, heard what he called Nikki. She wasn’t just a civilian, she was important to the Hunter race as a whole. So important, in fact, that Vampire Alphas were trying to make a public spectacle out of her death. She needed to be guarded, kept out of harm’s way, at all costs. And Griffin had been all too willing to fall in the line of fire if it meant keeping Nikki safe.

But seeing blood drip from her nose, feeling the energy drain from her as they ran; it wasn’t a sense of duty that had him forcing his keys into her palm and shoving her away, ordering her to run.

He had done it… to save the woman he loved.

It was selfish, really. He’d needed to keep her alive because he loved her.

His own fate be damned, as long as she was still breathing, then whatever happened to him didn’t matter.

And then Nikki came back.

She’d sliced her hand open and bled for him. The fierce determination in her eyes as she’d stared down four Newborns haunted him.

She had been ready to sacrifice herself for him… Just as he had been ready to do the same for her.

The implications of that were too much for him to handle.

Flattening his right hand on the tiled wall, he supported himself as he hung his head beneath the shower head and let the water run over him. Heat and steady rhythm eased the soreness in his muscles, but it did nothing to comfort the ache in the center of his chest.

Nikki had completely disregarded her own well-being, had risked her life… for him.

Griffin growled, baring his teeth to the wall in front of him. He shut his eyes as a new ache ripped through him. Nikki’s screams still pierced his eardrums, clawing their way through his skull. The color of her blood painted the inside of his eyelids.

Didn’t she know how stupid it was to come storming back into a fight with only a box cutter and a horrible sense of self-preservation?

What if she had died? Didn’t she realize how important she was? How could she be so careless with her own life when…

When I love her so much.

The idea of her willingly doing it again made him queasy.

My broken parts aren’t worth that cost, he thought, watching rust stained water circle the drain. I love her, and I don’t deserve her.

* * *

Nicholas drummed the tip of his pen on his legal pad and hummed a noise of acknowledgment. “Yes, I’m already aware of her Henson,” he said, adding another line to his doodle. He wasn’t much for note taking, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t look like he cared.

“Oh,” Henson mumbled, papers shaking in his hand. “Ah, well, Caroline was spotted in the building-”

“Yes, by me,” Nicholas intoned. “I’ve already spoken with her.” Sighing, he dropped his pen. “Is this really all you have? A couple Familiar sightings and news of Doctor Oliver’s suicide?”

“I… I’m sorry sir.” Henson began folding his notes. “Not much else has happened this morning.”

Nicholas curved his eyebrow at the man. “Oh really? Nothing else has happened? Nothing else has become evident in the last few hours? Nothing?”

Henson shook his head and Nicholas could hear his stomach churning. Jesus, if he threw up again…

“Perhaps I haven’t given you enough time to acclimate yourself to your new widower status,” Nicholas said, lacing his fingers together over his belly and leaning back in his chair. “Why don’t you take a couple hours? Go for a walk, have some lunch, hire a prostitute, and allow yourself to grieve.”

Henson’s eyes went comically wide and he paled. “Um…” He swallowed thickly. “I… Yes, sir. Thank you, sir.”

“Of course.” Nicholas beamed. “Enjoy your afternoon. Come back when you’re finished.”

“Finished,” Henson repeated, his tone flat. “Yes… Finished.”

Nicholas watched as the man got up from his seat and shuffled to the door. Maybe he’d broken him in too hard…

“And drink some tea,” he added. “Nothing that can’t be cured with a good cup of tea.”

Henson stared, unblinking, at him for a long moment before he nodded again. “Yes, sir.”

When Henson was down the hall, Nicholas pulled a travel sized squirt bottle of mild air freshener from his drawer and spritzed it around his desk and the opposite chair. Distraught humans always smelled a bit like a port-a-potty.

He’d only been reading the revised contracts from Tokyo for ten minutes when he heard the cadence of footfalls in the hallway.

“Come in, Alexander,” he called without looking up. “Please, make yourself at-”

His words were cut off by a vice-like grip around his throat, hoisting him out of his chair and leaving his feet to dangle several inches above the floor.

“How dare you?” Alexander shouted, fangs bared.

“’Sgood to see you too,” Nicholas wheezed.

“You have the audacity to interrogate my Caroline, alone, behind my back?” Alexander shook him. “Do you have a death wish? Because I’d certainly be willing to help you make it a reality.”

Grappling with his Sire’s hold on him, Nicholas inhaled raggedly. “In retrospect, my family did seem to have a history of depression and coinciding farming accidents but I don’t think that’s what you mean.”

Alexander’s fingernails dug into Nicholas’ flesh, drawing blood. “You arrogant piece of shit,” he hissed.

“To clarify, are you upset that I talked with Caroline, or that you didn’t know about it?”

“You don’t know your boundaries,” Alexander said with a growl. “Obviously I should have instructed you better when you were a Newborn.”

Fighting the hand clamped around his neck, Nicholas said, “Consider me the practice progeny. I’m sure you’ll get it right with Caroline.”

Alexander stilled. “What are you talking about?”

“Now, now Alexander,” Nicholas tsked. “Don’t try to play that game with me. You’ve never been very good at feigning ignorance.” He narrowed his cunning gaze, despite the growing discomfort of being held up by his throat, and noted the flash of anxiety in the other man’s eyes.

Releasing his hold, Alexander dropped him and Nicholas stumbled back into his chair. He coughed and rubbed the healing marks on his skin.

“Did you really think I wouldn’t find out about her?” Nicholas asked.

“There’s nothing to ‘find out’,” Alexander countered.

“If that’s the case, then why haven’t you mentioned her before? If she’s to be our new pack mate-”

“She hasn’t made the decision yet,” Alexander cut him off. “And until she does, you will stay away from her.”

“You’re giving me orders now?” Nicholas shot back angrily. “And here I thought we were a team. A joint force to reign over this ‘New Empire’.” He stood up, locking eyes with his Sire. “That was the arrangement, wasn’t it? Duel leadership with equal power and quadruple the profits?”

Alexander’s features hardened, schooled into an expression of mild irritation. “Of course.”

Smiling with too much teeth, Nicholas said, “Good. Because I’d hate to think you’ve changed your mind.” He stepped around him, heading for his drink cart.

“It’s a little late for that now,” Alexander muttered.

Nicholas hummed in ascent. “I’d say. Killing the other four Alphas in the city, taking over their aligned, drafting a new codex… Those are all very big steps into the land of no return.”

“You aren’t having second thoughts, are you?”

Nicholas scoffed over the rim of his glass. “And give all this up?” He waved his hand out at the surrounding office. “I’ve grown too attached to the view.”

Alexander nodded firmly. “Then we’re in agreement,” he said, turning towards the door.

“But Alexander,” Nicholas called, stopping him just before he made it into the corridor. “Next time I find out you’ve been keeping something from me, I won’t be so kind as to invite it to tea. So choose your secrets wisely.” His lips twisted into an acrid grin.

Eyes darkening, Alexander stared at him, searching his face. “And I would offer the same advice to you,” he said. Just before he crossed the threshold glanced over his shoulder and added, “By the way, you might want to invest in different air freshener. The one you use isn’t very strong.”

Nicholas waited until his Sire was out of range before crushing the glass tumbler in his hand and chucking the shards across the room.

* * *

Kaelin would know what to do.

That was the only thought Nikki had as she finished washing her face. Kaelin would know exactly how to handle the situation, know the perfect sentence that would sting but not wreck, and she’d do it with flare.

If she was there, she’d tell Nikki to get right in Hunter boy’s face and say what gives? Who do you think you are, ignoring me after everything that just happened? You think you’re big and bad, well honey have I got news for you. You’re not even close to being half as scary as me when I’m pissed, so if you wanna save what little bit of your manhood you have, you’d better spill right now. And make it speedy ‘cause neither one of us is getting any younger.

Nikki chuckled into the hand towel she was using to dry her face. Kaelin would have Griffin on his knees begging in two minutes flat.

If she was there…

I miss her, Nikki thought, staring at her blurry reflection. I want my friend.

Clearing her throat, she folded the towel, placed it on the counter and went to shut off the bathroom light. She could hear bits of the conversation downstairs, mostly between Boz and Lisa, but she decidedly didn’t care. She would care in a few minutes. But right then her only concern was changing clothes and keeping the tears at bay.

Closing her door, she headed for her duffle bag and began riffling through it.

His door. It was his door, to his room. And it was filled with his things.

Suddenly she was furious, standing in the middle of Griffin’s room, surrounded by everything… him. She didn’t want to be anywhere near it- near him. Not after he’d shut her out, leaving her dazed and cold. She hated the thought of going back to the kitchen, sitting there with everyone and having to pretend she didn’t want to throttle Griffin until he went blue.

She had gone back for him.

She’d watched a man shoot himself in the face- the horror of it still twisting behind her eyelids.

She had gone back to help, to give Griffin a chance, and after all of that- after everything she’d been through- he couldn’t even look her in the eye.

Maybe she was wrong. Kaelin wouldn’t have Griffin begging in two minutes, she would have skinned him in thirty seconds.

Yanking on a fresh pair of jeans and a clean tee shirt, Nikki kicked her bag back into the corner it had been in and stomped her feet back into her sneakers. Griffin was going to explain himself. Now.

She jogged down the stairs and rounded the banister, catching the tail end of Boz’s statement.

“… I guess I can try remote access but that’ll take longer.”

“Boz, you’ve cracked bigger systems in your sleep,” Lisa commented over the lip of her mug.

“Yeah, but with everything going on-”

“Just try it,” she said. She acknowledged Nikki with a nod. “Hey.”

“Where’s Griffin?” Nikki asked, knowing she sounded angry.

Lisa glanced over to the adjacent hallway. “He’s-”

“Thanks,” she said, moving into the dimly lit corridor just as Griffin stepped out of Boz’s office, staring down at his phone. When he saw her he slowed his gait but he didn’t say anything.

She steeled herself, blocking his path. “We need to talk.”

His expression was hard but his stare wavered momentarily. Good, he was worried.

Griffin hesitated before asking, “Can it wait?” Slipping his phone back into his pocket.

Nikki wanted to scream, No, this can’t wait, you asshole.

She started to do exactly that when Griffin cut her off.

“Amsterdam just called. He wants us over there in fifteen minutes.”

Oh for God’s sake… Folding her arms, Nikki bit out the word, “Fine.”

“Okay.” Griffin dropped the word like a stone in a bucket. He waited several beats before lifting his eyebrows in question. “So, if we’re leaving, then we should…” He trailed off, jerking his chin towards the main room.

Nikki spoke through clenched teeth. “Yeah. Sure.”

Griffin brushed passed, refusing to look at her. It stung worse than any insult.

Eventually trailing behind him, Nikki found herself in the kitchen, ignoring Lisa and Boz’s probing stares.

Lisa lowered her coffee mug, eyeing the two as they hovered awkwardly near the table. “Is everything-?”

Griffin wouldn’t let her finished the question. “John wants us at his place ASAP.”

“Cool,” Boz said, hopping up. “I’ll bring my laptop and work from there.”

“Boz-”

“No. Nope. We’re not doing this again,” he said, holding up his hand. “Lisa, me, Beulah-” he gave the laptop a gentle pat “-We’re all coming.”

Pulling his coat and holster off the back of his chair, Griffin started towards the door. “Fine. You’re driving.”

#Children of Lilith #free fiction #free novels for pandemic times #my writing #my work

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