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grippingbeskar · 1 year

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small favours

— joel miller x fem!reader

— warnings: explicit content minors dni, smutttt, dirty talk, very minimal plot sorry not sorry, swearing, needles, mention of injuries/cuts

— a/n: happy tlou release week!! this is set in jackson between the first and second game, i wrote the first part before i saw the show but just imagine with me okay. and it’s literally just bc i saw joel in that denim shirt and went yeah… i wanna fuck him in that. lmao. also dedicated to @everybirdfellsilent because we have been waiting for this show for so long and it’s finally here and oaoxosoxosox. wow.

You hadn’t asked for much.

It was a simple fix, you were sure of it. Yes, you don’t know anything about how to fix hinges, nor do you have any clue about how you broke it in the first place. Either way, it’s just a few screws and a metal piece, so was it really that hard to find five minutes to fix it?

Leading another one of the horses into the stable, you pointedly step over the gate that now lays on the floor, too heavy for you to move it. The horse tramples it, of course, which is why you had asked for someone to come and fix it before the horses were brought back in from patrol. Clearly, no one gave a shit about your question, but you know they’d all be the first to complain if it was their horse that got out through a broken gate.

It was late now, anyways. Too late for you to get anyone out, and even with the safety of Jackson’s walls keeping you blocked off from the outside world, being out at night still freaked you. When you finally got the horse in your hand settled and fed, you promptly sat yourself on the floor of the stable. Without the front gate, it wasn’t safe to leave the horses alone. With your luck, they’d get spooked and run all the way through town, and the last thing you needed was more reason for the people in here to look at you.

It wasn’t that you weren’t liked— you just kept to yourself. This life was hard enough as it is, and you didn’t see the point in making friends when in five years this place would probably be full of strangers. People die every day out here, you knew that too well. You wanted to save yourself the heartache wherever you could.

All that anti social behaviour certainly didn’t win you any favours though— hence the still broken door. You loved it— you were good with horses, having lived in a farm before the outbreak, so you decided to volunteer to help in the stables, but it was hard work sometimes. It kept you busy enough, though, and horses never wanted to make conversation, so… win-win.

There was only one problem with working in here. Truthfully, it wasn’t so much as a problem and more of a chronic condition. At least, that’s the way it felt every time Joel Miller made some kind of appearance. Most people just left the horses tied up out front for you to take care of, but Joel seemed to enjoy the peace the stable provided— that and you never talked much, which seemed to work for him. On the days he’d come back from patrol, the two of you would share a few hushed conversations as you worked and he hid from the rest of Jackson, and then you’d fall into a comfortable silence, sometimes for hours at a time.

Weeks had passed like this, and every single day you got a little bit more interested in who the man really was, other than his clear infatuation with his horse. Right when he came in would be the time you talked the most, after about forty minutes it would get too busy and you’d work until the sun set. But those forty minutes started to stretch a little longer, and he seemed to gain interest in you, too. Maybe you were grasping at straws, but hearing Joel’s low voice rumble a few more words every time he spoke to you was doing wonders for your self esteem, and even you couldn’t deny the way your face warmed when he smiled at you.

“Hey, you still— damn. What happened here?” Joel calls from the gaping hole that is the stable door, and only because it’s his voice calling you do you look up.

“It’s been broken all day. I asked someone to fix it, but…” You shrug, sighing and leaning your head back on the small gate that was the only thing holding the horse behind you from leaping out down the main street. “I guess they had other shit to do. I can’t move it on my own.”

Joel considers you for a second, how your frame is backed against the gate, conveniently placed at the closest point to the open door. Then, he looks back to the door on the ground, and back up to you. He smirks.

“So you were plannin’ on sitting in here all night?” The weight of the day makes your shoulders slump forward, and for the first time you really consider your plan. “You gonna body check a horse when he makes a run for it?”

“Okay, it was a dumb plan. But, it’s that or let them all out and get stuck cleaning up the bar floor or something.” He smiles again, the setting sun behind him washing over his shoulders in a pretty orange colour. A tilt of his head in your direction has you standing up, taking the lead of his horse that he offers to you.

“You take him, I’ll go get my tools. Fix it up before sun down.” Before you can protest or tell him he doesn’t have to, he’s walking off to the right up the hill where his house sits.

You’d always been a bit jealous of the spot his house is. It’s far away enough from everyone that you get some real privacy, but close to the stables if you need a quick exit. He had a porch, too. One you spent a little too much of your time staring at during your work hours, when he spent his off days strumming a guitar right in your line of sight. He was just… peaceful to observe. He brought a calm to you that no one else seemed to be able to do, almost enough that you could forget about the world outside and just exist in that little bubble for a while.

You lead Joel’s horse inside, hearing it trample the door again, and hang up his saddle next to the stable. Joels horse is much like him— quiet unless provoked. You found it out the hard way when you first led it in with a routinely aggressive horse, thinking it’s demeanour would calm him down. The next morning you woke up to two very angry horses and a half bent gate of steel.

“Saved you your favourite spot.” You say to his horse, Old Beardy. You never asked how Joel picked the name, but for some reason it worked so well— at least, he was definitely older than most. “See? He’s right up there.”

The stable at the back was angled just right so that the small window at the height of a horses head pointed directly towards Joel’s porch. Not close enough to see anything other than the outside, but enough that you know it’s there. You don’t come in here often, Joel always taking his own horse in, but when you do you can’t help but notice the instant calming effect it has on Beardy— you might have more in common with this horse than half the people in Jackson.

When you find your way back to the front, Joel’s footsteps are trudging back down the hill. You’ll be fairly useless as anything other than company while he fixes the door, but you can’t seem to stop your heart from racing a million miles a minute as he gets closer and closer. Yes, he makes you forget about everything on the outside, but that’s mainly due to how insane he drives you. All those conversations in the stables and too long looks in town are just all too consuming, and now, when you see him come into sight, you have to put some physical difference between him and you.

“You don’t have to, Joel. Really, I’m sure someone’ll—“

“No, they won’t. Knowin’ the people around here, you’ll be sleepin’ on the floor till next year.” He bends down, and you drop yourself back to the floor and stare in some kind of mesmerised silence as he runs his hands over the broken hinges of the door.

In a few passing thoughts you’d never admit to yourself, you have an obsession with his hands. He was just so…capable. He could do so many things so easily— and some kind of backward wire in your brain fizzled with electricity at the sight of him in his element. He starts fiddling with tools, first starting to remove the broken hinge, muscles flexing as he tears off the old bolts.

“What happened?” He says, the words muffled by the screwdriver in his mouth.

“I have no clue. When I woke up this morning it was blown in. I spent a good hour trying to move it but it’s so—“ With one arm, he pulls it up to stand vertical, a fist wrapping around the edge of the gate. It doesn’t even look like he tried. “—heavy.”

“Come ‘ere and hold it straight.” He says, keeping one arm out in front of him, the other still holding the door up. “I won’t let it fall. Come on.”

“Like this?” You say, staring down at him as you finally reach the door and take a little bit of the weight. He flicks his eyes up, nodding and shifting on his knees to get a better angle on the door.

“Perfect.” He says softly, looking up at you for another split second before clearing his throat and screwing on a new hinge.

“You really didn’t have to do this, but thank-you.” Joel shakes his head, his fingers fiddling with a latch.

“Least I can do. Everyone should be up here helpin’ you anyways.” He stands up, and with only a barrier the width of a gated door, you can feel his body heat keeping you warm when he towers over you. “Keep holding it still.”

“Yeah.” You manage, eyes fluttering closed. “People help, though.”

“Oh, I bet.” He says, sarcasm dripping off his words as he laughs dryly.

“They do! Sometimes… I mean, it’s not their fault. I’m kind of a hermit up here. I don’t really make an effort, so I can’t blame them.” He stops working, his knuckles white over the railing of the gate, and looks to you.

“You’ve trained all these new horses to track better than those guys ever could. They’d die out there without ‘em. Carl doesn’t know his left from right— he got lost eight times last patrol. It’s cause of your horses he got back safe.” Joel’s face is more serious, his eyes sharp but still with a hint of softness that he often looks at you with. “Doesn’t matter if you ain’t makin’ friends. This ain’t middle school, and people should be helpin’ you no matter what. Least of all fixing a door.”

“That’s why I keep you around, Joel.” You smile lightly, his voice getting lower the angrier he gets.

“Good. You tell me next time, and I’ll come round and help. Avoid the whole town all together.” You hum, letting go of the gate as he hauls it up in the air and shuffled backward, setting it against the hinges. “How do you know so much about horses?”

“I lived on a farm, way back when. Besides, they’re easy to navigate once you get to know them.” Joel puts the screwdriver back in his mouth, and you can’t help but stare at him. The small scars on his face, peppered around his cheeks. Some are older, worn and faded, while the one across his nose is new. It’s not even scarred yet, still fresh

“You okay?” He says softly, tilting his head.

“Your face.” His eyebrows furrow, and you shake your head. “Sorry. You… did something happen on patrol? You have a cut—“

“Just a few clickers. Real old, hauled up in a caravan out west. Nothing we couldn’t handle.” The door drops into place, and he swings it out towards him. It sounds less squeaky than it usually did. “Good as new.”

“You should clean it.” You say, worry edging in your voice. “If it was clickers.”

“I’m fine.” He shrugs it off.

“Come on. It’s the least I can do. I have a first aid kit in the back, and then we can call it even.” He relents, locking the door behind him and stepping further into the stables. “Sit. I’ll get the kit.”

“Yes, ma’am.” You can hear a small smirk on his voice, and you roll your eyes, turning around to find the kit. “Why you got a first aid kit in here anyways?”

“You’re using it now, aren’t you?” You turn around, raising your eyebrows. “You’d be surprised how many people come here before going to medical. I started to stock up a little, do what I can. It’s not much, but I can clean it off and do some botched stitches until they see a real doctor.”

“And none of those guys came up to fix the god damn door?” He was getting angry again, and you tried to ignore the shiver that went up your spine when he spoke like that.

He was sitting on a small stool, putting him about waist height. When you stepped closer, shuffling your feet on the floor, he tilted his head up. His open legs invited you closer, nearly drawing you in with a magnetic field he was completely unaware of.

Armed with a cotton ball and disinfectant, your fingers were light enough to breeze along his jaw to hold him in place. He stares up at you, watching your eyes as they flit between the cut on his nose and his wandering gaze. His face is warm when you work up the courage to place your palm on his cheek, thumb gently smoothing over the salt and pepper flecks of his beard. He doesn’t flinch away when you press the cotton ball to his face, swiping across the bridge of his nose.

“Does it hurt?” You whisper, feeling the need to keep your voice low.

“No.” He does the same, the heat of his body making you shuffle slightly closer. His hands are in fists on his knees, like he’s straining to keep himself still. “Told you it was fine.”

“And I told you I wanted to help.” When you’re satisfied with the results, you take a fresh cotton pad and dry it up. “You might need stitches. It’s deep.”

“Go on.” He says, and you lean back, eyes wide.

“You want me to stitch your face together?”

“Good practise, and I trust you.” The simple words have your heart slamming against your rib cage, but instead of showing it you kneel in between his legs and search the contents of the kit for a needle.

“If I mess up your face, you knew what you signed up for.” When you find what you’re looking for, you straighten, Joel’s face is right in front of you. It takes you a second to realise just how close he is, and the position isn’t lost on him either. It’s probably the most emotive you’ve seen him, his jaw going tight from how hard he’s biting down.

“It’s already messed up. You’re fine.” He manages, his voice strained.

“Hold still.” Whispering the words, you lean closer and bring the needle to his skin. His eyes close, and it’s when you press the point into his nose that his hands shoot out in front of him, holding your hips gently.

“Sorry. Shit—“

“It’s fine. Are you okay?” He grunts in a way you think is affirming, so you keep threading the needle. You only need one stitch for a spot this small. “Your face isn’t messed up.”

“Huh?”

“It’s not. Messed up.” You feel his thumbs stroke along the bone of your hip just once before he stills again. You tie off the stitch, and his eyes open. “There. You’re pretty again.”

Your breathing was rapid even though you didn’t have a true reason for it, but neither of you moved. His hands— strong and so fucking capable, holding you still on your knees in front of him. His eyes were pools, inviting you in with a gleam of something shiny, and where you were nearly gasping he was calm and collected. In his element, like he was right where he should be.

The whole stable was a dull orange now, the colours dusting through the strands of Joel’s hair. It’s never really sitting right, wind whipping it out of control on patrol, but you have the urge to run your hands through it anyway. You let yourself explore one small piece of him, like he has to you, and your fingertips run back over the shell of his ear, tangling in his hair. He sucks in a short breath, leaning into the hold of your hand.

“Joel.” You say, voice so soft he would of never heard you if you weren’t so close, but you call for him and he leans closer. Your foreheads nearly touch, and his hands tighten their hold on you.

“Thank you, darlin’.” You sigh deeply, unable to keep yourself upright at the nickname. It rings through you, his accent strong and adding an entire other layer to why he’s so easy to fall into. You don’t even really notice how dark it’s gotten— you usually have sprinted home by now. But Joel’s here, and with him this close, you can’t think of anything else. He leans closer, and your eyes flutter closed.

“Can I kiss you?” He says, the brush of his lips against yours sending a tidal wave of need from your head to your feet.

“Only if you hurry up.” You answer helplessly, voice cracking, and he smiles against you and finally brings his mouth to yours.

It’s anything but calm. That peaceful energy of the stables is completely shattered and sorted into something electrical and sizzling. He yanks you forward, bodies pressing together as you use the leverage of your hand fisted in his hair to kiss him harder and deeper. It doesn’t take long before his tongue is swiping along your bottom lip, seeking permission.

You let him in— you’d let him do whatever he asked for if he kept pouring himself into you like this. He tasted good, which should be impossible but when you’ve been starved of something for this long it doesn’t matter what he does it’s just that he’s giving it to you. He moves his hands to the small of your back, pressing your hips right in the middle of his open legs, his other hand on the back of your head.

You feel him groan when you press together, the sound waking up parts of you that had been dormant for far too long. It was like he had access to each nerve in your body, and every little sound or touch had them blaring red and sparking.

“Fuck, darlin’. Come closer.” He groans into your mouth before kissing you again. You smile for a moment, not entirely sure how you could get any closer, and then it’s wiped off when he hauls you upward, hooking your legs around his waist on the stool. “Yeah. Right here.”

Your arms cling around his neck, his own searching up and down your body. Your shirt rides up with the movements and you moan every time he grazed along your skin. There’s something equally hard and soft about his hands— rough from years of work but soft with the way they hold you up, how they’re careful not to dip too low or high. You arch your back, giving him wordless permission, and he groans into your mouth again.

At some point you have to breath— both of you gasping for air in the quiet of the darkened stables. He brings his hands to your face, holding you against his forehead so he can look into your eyes. He was smiling too— like actually smiling, not that half smirk you’ve seen so often.

“What are we doin’?” He laughs, kissing you again.

“I don’t know, but can we keep going somewhere that doesn’t smell like horse shit?” You whisper and he laughs again. It’s sounds so good— like the sound of the beginning of your favourite song. It makes your heart sing, melting you into the tune. “Please, Joel. I really want…”

“Tell me, baby.” He moves, angles your head with swift moves of his fingers so he can kiss you lower. Under your jaw, and then he drags his mouth down, along your neck, teeth nipping softly… “Fuck knows I wanna hear you say it.”

“You. I really want you.” He hums against your skin, one arm hooking under your ass as he stands easily. You squeal, muffling the sound in the mop of hair on his head. As you walk outside, there’s only a few people still mulling around, and they turn their heads towards you when they hear your soft laughter mixed with Joel’s— two sounds that seem to alarm them more than clickers.

For the first time since you’d been here, you really don’t care if people are looking at you, or what they’re saying. When Joel locks the gate behind you and slides you down his chest to let your feet touch the floor, you are reminded once again of his ability to remove every single thought from your mind except him. Just him, and his hands on your hips, spinning you around and leading you up the hill towards his house. How every so often he’ll bend down, pressing his lips lightly to the back of your neck, and how you can feel his smile on your skin.

He guides you easily, your body on auto pilot to his small gestures, and when you finally rush up the few steps of his porch— one you’ve spent way too much time staring at from afar, you’re both attached to each others face like horny teenagers. He fumbles with the doors lock, jamming keys with aggressive force while his other hand stays soft and sweet on your waist, holding you against him. When the door gives out behind you he never lets you stumble, taking you in his stride with practised precision. You’ve seen the inside of his house, but never the layout, so as he guides you blindly through the hallway, your shut eyes and occupied mouth never see it coming when you fall backwards onto a bed.

“Let me take this off.” He mumbles against your lips, tugging at your shirt and jacket. In a tangle of limbs you both shove at the material, finally hooking it over your head. He presses you flat against the mattress again, hanging over you and running his hands up and down your sides in long, soothing strokes. “God damn gorgeous.”

“Your turn.” The blaze in his eyes dulls slightly at your comment, and he just bends to kiss you again. He links your hands in his own, pulling you away from where they were tugging at his shirt. “Joel.”

“Nothin’ there you wanna see, baby. Just let me look at you.” As sweet as his voice sounds, and as much as you want him to continue, you pull away from his greedy mouth.

“Please take your fucking shirt off.” You say harshly, biting at his bottom lip hard enough for his eyes to open again. He looks over you, taking in the sight of you under him with your arms pinned above your head, back arched towards him. He’s clearly contemplating how difficult it would be to ignore you, smirking a little when he looks up at your hands again.

“Or what? You gonna make me stop?” He kisses under your jaw, his free hand skating along your side, only stopping when his fingers reach the hem of your jeans. When he hears you gasp as his hand disappears under the fabric, he laughs. “Nah, you won’t make me stop. Want it just as bad as I do, don’t you?”

“But I want—“

“Shh, shh. I’ll give you what you want.” His mouth his dizzying— words and movements hot against your skin as his hand bypasses your underwear and drags slow circles against your clit, immediately drawing his name from your lips again. “There you go, darlin’. Feels good?”

“God— yeah, faster. Please.” Your chest was rising and falling so fast, trying to pull the air he was punching out of your lungs with every quick movement of his fingers. He hums at the praise, and you feel him shift above you, sitting up so he could slip one finger inside of you. “Fuck, Joel!”

“I know, baby.” He tilts his head up to kiss you again, tongue matching the fast and unpredictable pace of his hand. You can feel it building— pleasure rippling up your spine and fizzing low in your stomach, and your hands tug under Joel’s unrelenting grip.

He seems to forget he was meant to be holding you, his groans and concentration all focused on the way he was fucking you with his hand, so he lets you go, his hand going to hold your face. It makes you smile under him, but it quickly gets lost when you moan his name again, rolling your hips against him.

Now your hands are free, you have a moment of clarity when your eyes flutter open and see him staring at you; eyes flitting between your face and your chest. You want to have that— to see skin you’ve only thought about in the late hours of the night when you were alone, never admitting it to yourself when you woke the next day. You grab onto the hem of his shirt, ripping the denim up as far as you can, getting your hands on the bare skin of his back.

He doesn’t help you— too obsessed with the way you are writhing and moaning so loud the poeple down the street will know what your doing. Neither of you care about anything else than this, right here, and the fiery hot spark that’s lighting you up inside.

“Shirt, Joel.” You tug at the collar, then card your fingers through his hair and pull. He grumbles something, and then you whimper when his hand leaves you and he sits up on his knees. He was out of breath, towering over you and keeping you caged underneath him as he tore the shirt over his head and threw it behind him. When he leans back down, he doesn’t give you the time to admire him that you’d like, but you take what he gives you. He shoves your own jeans down, shaking them off you in one tug, and your eyes hardly have time to open before you feel the backs of your calves press against the flexing muscles of his bare shoulders.

“Perfect.” He says, speech almost slurred, and the look he gives you reminds you of the one he gave you in the barn. Before you can think enough on it, both of his hands hold your hips down and he gives you one last look before he buried his face in your pussy.

It doesn’t take much to have you screaming his name again, that sweet hot pleasure that was building so quickly comes rushing back with the wet heat of his mouth. He eats you out like he’s fucking hungry for it— pulling borderline shouts from deep in your chest, like something is bashing against your ribcage, only awoken by his complete and utter devotion. His tongue swirls and fingers curl, and you lose sense of direction, clawing at his hair and feeling his groan when you pull him into you.

There’s no where to go, stuck under his weight as he dives into your taste, at his mercy entirely. It was so different to see him undone— a sight you wouldn’t be able to forget next time he came into the stables all soft eyes and short words. No, here he was holding your eye contact, groaning your name as if you were the one doing this to him. He gave you no choice but to hurtle towards the edge of consciousness, knowing you wouldn’t be able to hold out under him much longer.

“Joel. Joel— fuck.” His lips wrap around your clit, sucking gently while his fingers curl inside you in a spot that has you seeing stars. “Oh, god—“

He doesn’t say anything when you cum, just groans into your pussy as he guides you through it. He sets pace and intensity, both of which are hard and almost unbearable, and he only drags himself away when you beg him to. Your legs shake, his hands smoothing over your thighs as his mouth presses wet kisses up your skin, over your stomach and chest, finally reaching your mouth with an overwhelming force.

You hum, tasting the combination of you and him together on his tongue, taking everything he needs to give you. He shuffles up, and you feel his cock pressing hard against your thigh, still straining in his jeans. You let him kiss you lazily, let him explore you this way while your hands busy themselves between your bodies, unzipping his jeans. When your palm brushes over his length still covered by his boxers, he hisses and his eyebrows furrow, like the pleasure is almost painful. You do it again and he shudders, pressing his forehead to yours.

“You’re so soft.” He murmurs past your ear when you slip your hand under the waistband. When your fingers wrap around him, you stay true to his word and stay light with your touch, not wanting him to finish just yet. You want to make it good for him— draw it out. Pay him back for everything he gave to you; not just tonight, but every night. “So fucking soft. Sweet.”

“You like that?” You ask innocently, stroking him again. Your thumb brushes over his tip and he shudders again, nearly shivering. “I can be gentle. Want you inside me, though.”

“Whatever you want. Fuck— anything you want to do to me. Please, baby. Not gonna last long if you keep doing that.” A single please was enough to grant him a thousand wishes, but you’ll settle for giving him just one.

He helps rid himself of the rest of his clothes, no insecurity in sight with the lower half of his body. There was no need to be… he was big. It made sense— he was a big guy, but it wasn’t just that. He was just… perfect.

“Eyes on me.” He says, pulling your gaze away from where your bodies are about to meet. “I want to see your face when I…”

He trails off when his tip lines up with your entrance. You bite your lip in anticipation, feeling the soaked pleasure coating him as he finally slides himself further and further. You both sigh, like a weight is being lifted from both of you. As if this was the way you were both meant to be.

He bottoms out, head buried in the crook of your neck as he chokes out your name. You feel full— the weight and stretch holding you to the bed, your arms strung lazily around his neck. Your fingers wander down his spine, keeping that soft lilt to your touch that he seems to thrive under. For all his hardness and strength, it’s the lightest touches that seem to crumble him the most.

“Fuck, baby. Feel so good around me.” Joel never speaks for the fun of it, but he says these things like he needs to. Strained and focused, like it’s a compulsion to tell you how good it feels. “Needed to fuck you for so long. You gonna let me make you feel good, aren’t you?”

“Yes, Joel. Please, I need— need you to move.” You whine like a spoilt child, and you are now that you’ve had a taste. He laughs once, a breathless sound, and then pulls out nearly all the way, only to slide back in with that same trained pace.

“Good girl.” He groans, and then picks up the pace.

It’s devastating. It’s the only way to describe it. He fucks you hard and slow, slowly etching himself into parts of your being you aren’t entirely sure he didn’t just create himself. Like he’s forged apart of you just for him, something low and hot, and he hits it with every, perfectly timed thrust. The bed rocks under him, but he doesn’t seem to care. Its creaks and groans are drowned out by his words and both of your moans.

You are incoherent— overcome by pleasure that shocks even the nerves in your fingers and toes, but it seems to have the opposite effect on Joel. He doesn’t fucking shut up— and it’s about the hottest thing you’ve ever experienced.

“So fucking tight around me.”

“God, you feel good.”

“You are so beautiful.”

“Gonna fuck you for days.” Is the last one you hear before his groans turn to borderline whimpers, his pace stuttering as you feel the coil in your stomach tighten and snap all at once. “Oh, fuck that’s it. Cum again for me. Jesus Christ—“

“Joel.” You can only whisper now— voice so strained that nothing could come out but his name. Your eyes roll back and you feel him fuck into you one or two more times, and then he pulls out and replaces himself with his hand. You ride out your pleasure on his skilled fingers, another wave of heat numbing you when you feel him spill onto your stomach, your back arching off the bed.

The room is suddenly dead quiet, nothing but panting breaths filling the silent house. He is still hanging over you, you can feel both of his forearms next to your head as he leans down to kiss you again. The warmth of his body is lifted just enough for him to use something soft to clean you off, and then he collapses beside you, tugging you onto his chest.

He runs his hand through your hair, stopping at your jaw to tilt you up. He kisses you again, the lack of oxygen making you giddy and dizzy, and you break the kiss only because your smiling so wide.

“What’s so funny?” He says, trying to be serious, but even in the dark you can see his matching grin.

“Just happy. Can I be happy?” It’s meant to be light hearted, but you feel him stop for a second, and then he tugs you a little closer.

“Yeah. Yeah, you can be.” He tucks you under his chin, sighing deeply as the rest of your body turns into him and tangles itself with him. “I am.”

You open your eyes a final time, seeing the pitch black dark outside. If it was light, you’d be able to see the stable from here, but it’s black out there. Usually it would make you uneasy, but tucked up under Joel’s safe arms, there’s nothing in the world that could make you feel more at peace.

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genacity · 7 months

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DAY ONE. FIRST TIME?

ft. gojo satoru — jujutsu kaisen (呪術廻戦)

your boyfriend gojo satoru is convinced you’ll never be able to knock him off of the pedestal he stands on. saying he’ll always be the one to fuck you good and straight, that you’ll never one up him. maybe it’s time to show him that he’s not always right.

ruling. nsfw — mature content

content warnings. dom! gn! reader, first time sub! gojo, anal penetration / pegging, fingering, overstimulation, bratty gojo, slight dacryphilia, dumbification themes, hair pulling, spit as lube, established relationship, plot before porn

an. this came out way too long. anyways hope y’all enjoy day 1, some of the kinks listed on the ml did not make the cut bcs the fic would take 80 years to read and the intro is already cutting into my lifetime. also not proofread. anyways enjoy fucking gojo!!

kinktober 2023 masterlist

you and your boyfriend gojo satoru have been dating for five months at this point. your relationship is everything you’ve ever wanted in one; secure, loving, and honest. satoru is the most caring man you’ve probably ever met— though cheeky, he’s just as infatuated with you as he was when you first met.

not only is gojo amazing, but so is the sex. not to be a prude, but it’s true. he knows how to take care of his baby and never wants to leave you unsatisfied.

the only sour thing about your relationship is his teasing. especially in the mornings-after.

when you’re groaning, pressing down on a muscle in your back as you complained to gojo about how hard he went down on you the night prior. your boyfriend’s fierce laughter as he’s propped up on one arm, staring at you from his safety beneath the covers of your shared bed and messy hair.

“aw, c’mon, you know you liked it.” gojo would say as you kept prodding at your shoulders and legs. you’d shoot him a dirty look and he’d snicker loudly again. “okay, okay, i’m sorry. i’ll make it up to you today, i swear.”

one morning, your boyfriend had tossed his still-bare body over yours after a long session that night. face first into the pillow behind your head; long, spindly limbs sprawled out like a starfish on top of you as you both shared silly remarks about the long night you both had.

“y’know, one day, i’m gonna get you back for all the times you leave me sore like this,” you huffed, earning a muffle giggle from your boyfriend with his head in the sheets. “what? i’m serious.” you insisted.

gojo’s head snapped up to look at you. squinted blue eyes followed by another ugly little giggle. “uh huh, i bet.”

“what do you mean, ‘you bet’?” you scrunched your nose as your boyfriend gave you another mean chuckle through his big grin. “c’mon, y/n. you know you can’t top my skills.”

“now what does that mean?” you shot back, cocking an eyebrow at gojo’s funny expressions.

he hummed, thinking for a bit before turning his attention back to you. “you know i’m good at what i do. if you even tried to top me, you’d just end up giving up anyways.” you rolled your eyes. “not true.”

“what’s not true? that you’d give up, or that i’m good? because y’know, these fingers aren’t only good at sorcery—”

“yeah yeah, shut the fuck up.”

ever since that night, though, you haven’t stopped thinking about the idea. reversing the roles. it’s something the both of you had never tried before, but were you open to the idea. you just needed to make sure that satoru was, too.

but there was something different about tonight in particular that made you feel a bit more confident than usual.

it started off as it usually did whenever the both of you were in the mood. a handsy hello as soon as you got home from work; peppering your face with kisses and fingers pressing against your hips as you let your boyfriend lead you to the bedroom.

you’d barely be able to get a word in with the way gojo would welcome you home. lips quickly pressed together and without hesitation your back would be against the mattress and clothes discarded onto the floor.

“missed you today.” gojo mumbled into the kiss, lips sloppily trying to chase the pattern the both of you shared. hands gripping at your sides as he pushed you eagerly onto the bed.

as soon as you hit the bed you immediately grabbed at his arms and pulled him forward onto you. something inside you was pounding— pounding for tonight to be different than the rest.

you pulled gojo onto the bed, chest rising with heated breaths as a switch in your brain flipped. hands pushing him down beneath you, his back against the sheets as your boyfriend let out a breathy gasp.

“hey, what’re you doin’?” gojo mumbled, looking up at you through glassy eyes and white lashes as you reveled at the sight of satoru beneath you— a sight you weren’t used to seeing, but welcomed with open arms.

“you’re gonna let me take care of you tonight. okay toru?” you said, his eyes blowing wide and lips twitching into a small grin.

“take care of me?” he chuckled, watching as you slowly started to undo his shirt. “i’d like to see you try.”

you rolled your eyes as you pulled his shirt off, tossing it onto the floor. gojo watched your every movement, watching with interest as one of your hands quickly went to circle one of his nipples.

he shivered at your cold fingertips tracing along his chest, but laughed all the same. “what, ‘s this all you’re gonna do? c’mon, baby, let me just take care of you and— mmph.” gojo was promptly cut off when he felt your fingers press against the hard-on in his pants. a small smile crept onto your lips at the sight.

“hush, toru.” you muttered, palming him through his pants as gojo let out a strained groan. “this is what you get for being so mean to me all the time. leaving me brusied and sore.”

“you said you wanted it rough.” satoru panted, looking down at you as his long fingers started to grab at the sheets beneath him. “oh, i do.” you shrugged. “but now, it’s your turn to feel what i feel.”

your boyfriend’s breath hitched in his throat at the words from your tongue. he quickly gathered himself, clearing his throat to mask the whimper that slipped his lips. “you’ll just give up, y’know. you’re just gonna give into me and come crawling back.”

“that’s what you may think, but i know what i want.” you said, removing your hand from his bulge to reach for his glinting silver belt buckle. “you’re gonna take my cock and behave, just like i do for you. and if you don’t like it, you can say our safe word and leave.”

gojo gulped. he knew you wouldn’t do anything he didn’t want. he was in the position to say no whenever he wanted to. but the thought of your thick cock splitting him open had him salivating; even if he didn’t want to admit it to his big ego.

“satoru.” your voice called him back, snapping him out of the trance he was in. he looked down at you, his belt already undone and ready to be pulled off. “color, satoru. tell me what you want.”

he swallowed thickly again, lips parting as he whispered. “green.”

you smiled softly at him, slowly pulling his belt from the loops as you muttered a slow “alright.” unbuttoning his pants and pulling them down alongside his boxers. his pretty cock revealing itself to you.

“already leaking for me, huh toru?” you snickered, the feelings of your breath along his dick making him twitch.

“still gonna break you, y’know.” gojo murmured. “you’re just gonna give up and beg me to fuck you.”

“whatever makes you feel better.” *you said plainly. the tone in your voice left him shivering. suddenly, you raised your hand to his lips and with no hesitation said, “spit.”

gojo blinked down at you, who was watching him expectantly. he parted his lips and let his tongue slip forward, spitting onto your fingers as he maintained eye contact with you. “thank you, toru.” you said, lubricating your fingers before you lined them with the edge of his hole.

he felt his heart leap into his throat when your fingertips prodded at his entrance. silently, satoru spread his legs to let you know he wanted you. and you seemed to understand his prompt, for almost immediately your long fingers slipped into him with ease.

“fuck, oh god.” gojo immediately hissed, clenching tight around your middle and ring fingers as they slowly began to thrust in and out of him. “oh my god.”

he watched as your hand worked at his insides; curling your fingers as the sorcerer finally allowed for small whines to slip past his lips. each sound left his stomach turning— the dirty sounds of his own hole clenching around his partner’s fingers making him shudder.

gojo was stuck at small whines of pleasure, heavy breathing and the occasional gasp, until your fingers hit a particularly good spot inside him that made him cry out.

“ohn— oh fuck,” gojo whined out. “there. right, right there, that— ah!” he gasped when your fingers curled against his sweet spot, making him flinch and pulse around you. “‘s that feel good, satoru?” you asked, slowly thrusting your fingers in and out of his hole, taking note of the way his fingers curled around the satin sheets of your shared bed.

satoru nodded. his chest rising and falling with sharp breaths as he kept his eyes locked on you. “yeah. feels good. right there, feels so good…” he murmured. jolting back with every thrust of your fingers in and out of him, muscles tensing and relaxing in ragged patterns before you eventually pulled your fingers out.

“so messy.” you murmured, raising your hand to his mouth again. “spit.” and he did, right onto your fingers once more.

“i think you’re ready to take me, toru.” you spread his legs and began to undo your own buckle. your boyfriend watched your hands, every move closer to watching you reveal yourself making him almost shake with anticipation.

it wasn’t until you finally pulled out your cock did he realize how big you truly were. eyes blowing into saucers as he immediately began to blabber.

“you look so big!” satoru whined. “no way you’re gonna make me take all of that!”

“oh, i will.” you purred, pressing the head of your cock to his hole. he flinched, feeling your tip just against his ass as he went to protest again. “why can’t i jus’ fuck you like usual, baby?”

you laughed meanly at his words. “what, are you scared, satoru?” you asked, leaning in and simultaneously pressing your tip just against his opening. “scared i’m gonna break you open?”

“no!” gojo shook his head furiously. “i just- i just think you’re gonna get tired and give up.”

you sighed, staring down at your boyfriend with his big wide eyes and wet eyelashes. after a moment of bathing in his beauty, you grabbed hold of his thighs and leaned back. “color, satoru.”

gojo hesitated. looking from you down to his drooling cock that was just begging to be touched. his inflated ego kept hammering in his chest, but the feeling of your tip against his hole drove every thought away and left him squirming.

“green.”

“good.” and before he knew it, you’d forced yourself into him. a loud moan clawing its way through his throat and spilling from his lips as you began to pound into him, gradually picking up speed.

suddenly, that same hammering feeling in his chest immediately died out. as soon as satoru felt your cock sliding in and out of his walls, pressing up against his prostate with every thrust, his demeanor immediately unraveled.

“fuck— oh my— fuck, you’re so big!” gojo cried out. hands scrambling to ground himself as he gripped onto the sheets. “ah— oh— oh my fucking, please, y/n!”

you couldn’t help but watch gojo’s big blue eyes grow teary. rolling back into his head as you fucked him, forcing his legs back to angle yourself well enough to hit all of the right places.

“already all ruined for me, satoru.” you cooed. your words slipped into his brain and toyed with his thoughts, leaving him quietly whimpering as he felt your hands near his head.

all of a sudden, the cloudy feeling forming in gojo’s brain flickered as you took a handful of his hair and forced him to look at you. yelping as your fingers intertwined with his snowy locks and pulled his head up.

“what was that you said earlier about me getting tired and giving up, toru?” you asked, hips angling and pounding into him faster and faster. all he could do was hiccup and gasp, head subtly bobbing from the force of your thrusts combined with the weakening grip on his scalp.

“ahmm— ah, i don’t— uhn…” he stammered, too focused on the feeling of the head of your cock kissing his prostate with every thrust to make out the words you were saying. the fog in his head was coming back, accompanied by a knot tightening in his stomach.

satoru was panting and shaking. too focused on the heat in his lower abdomen spreading across his body. “i’m- it’s-” he stuttered out, words slurred together. his brain was rattling inside his head. too embarrassed to admit the fact that he was already about to cum his brains out to himself as you kept hammering his hole. “y/n, i’m gonna— haaah, oh!”

“gonna what?” you asked, thrusts growing deep and sloppy as you kept your quick pace. “c’mon, finish your sentence. don’t tell me you’ve already gone dumb.”

his vision grew blurry with tears, a few even spilling over and down his cheeks. the heat in his stomach kept burning, hotter and hotter as his brain tried to scramble for words to try and form a sentence. hell, even a word would be nice.

“ah, ahn, i’m— haah, ah, ah!” gojo began to squeal. your grip on his hair grew tighter as he completely began to forget you were even talking to him.

and suddenly, he was cumming all over himself with a garbled “cu— ah, aahhn!” his scalp burning from the force you held him up with, legs twitching as his cock bobbed with every stream of cum he coated his stomach with.

you slowed your thrusts as you watched him cum, but didn’t halt completely. as soon as he was done, you immediately began picking up your pace once more.

“wait, wh— fuck!” satoru whined out as you let go of his hair and flipped him onto his hands and knees. his head stuffed into the pillow that was once below him as you drove your cock into his hole with more fervor than before. “i- i just came! y/n, baby, i just-”

“i never said you could cum, did i?” you asked. immediately he shut his mouth, clenching around you with a loud whine. “you’re gonna keep taking my cock until i’ve cum. until then, you sit here and look pretty for me. is that clear?”

at first he didn’t respond. not until you grabbed hold of his hair from behind and forced him up again. “i said, is that clear, satoru?”

gojo eagerly nodded his head, panting and whimpering with your every movement. “yes. yes, ‘s clear! fuck me, please!”

you were going to have a long night.

#@ genacity kinktober 2023 ! 🩸 ☆#dom reader #sub character #sub gojo satoru #sub gojo #sub jjk #jjk smut #jujutsu kaisen smut #gojo smut #sub gojo smut #dom reader smut #sub character smut #kinktober #gojo x reader #satoru x reader

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sexlapis · 5 months

Note

Ho! I loooooooveeee your actor toji fics! Is it possible to get added to the taglist? Thank you ~

Also an idea: a bts scene of reader getting sick on set(perhaps even collapsing) due to fatigue and toji taking care of them- I feel like that'd be such a hit ship moment irl :D

thank you for liking my fics <3 you can be added to the tag list 🩵.

and omg yeah i love that idea of reader overworking themselves and toji looking after them :’). and yeah i didn’t make it a behind the scenes clip i made a short fic abt it bc i do not know when to stop.. like give me an idea and i will fly away w it like a bird liek..i don’t even think this is what you asked for srsly…i hope you don’t mind (but i’ll add it to my tojiyn headcanons hehe)

cw: actor toji x actress reader, hurt/comfort, angst to fluff, swearing, petnames (‘kid’, ik people don’t like this one but i think it’s so sweet & so toji :)), collapsing, mentions of skipping meals/not eating, poor sleeping habits, feelings of loneliness & inadequacy, crying, toji taking care of reader, i made this way more angsty than you asked sorry :(

wc: 2k+

you dragged yourself through the doors of the studio, immediately bombarded by directors, stylists, scrip writers and other cast members on your way to the dressing room, only fuelling your fatigue and stress.

sleep was a foreign concept at this point. five hours at most. so were healthy, filling meals - the last time you ate was yesterday at noon, and for breakfast today all you had was a cup of coffee, not helping your nervous, exhausted state.

admittedly, you were not doing very well. you felt that your acting was subpar and you felt lonely and isolated on set. while everyone went with their friends for a break or lunch, you sat by yourself in your dressing room, your only company being the silence.

sure, toji was also on set too, but he played a very minor role, so he wasn’t always there. and even when he was sometimes, he would hang out with the other crew members, which wasn’t a problem of course, but it did sting a little when he chose them over you.

you just felt so lonely, anxious and quite frankly upset at yourself and the circumstances you find yourself in.

there are a few knocks at your dressing room door and you weakly tell them to come in.

toji peeks is head in. “hey, kid. we start in five..” he takes a look at your weary face, dark eye bags prominent even through the makeup the stylists caked on and the frown on your lips and just knows something is wrong.

“are you ‘right?” he asks quietly, like you’re a deer who’s about to run away at the slightest of sounds.

“yes, i’m fine.” you lie, a voice in the back of your mind wishing he’d just ignore you like everyone else on this damn set does.

“‘you sure? ‘cause you don’t look-”

“i said im fine! just get out.” you snap, heart beating and breathing heavily at your own outburst.

fuck. you didn’t mean to say that.

but toji doesn’t look offended. he just nods and walks away footsteps fading as you put your head in your hands and sob.

so there you are, acting in front of the camera with your colleague in a scene where toji appears in too and you just seem off. everyone assumes it’s just not your day today and they’re not exactly wrong. you lines were slightly forced, tired and you were jittery and clearly apprehensive, like you didn’t even want to be here.

“cut!” the director calls out, more than annoyed with your behaviour. it was the sixth take and you’re really trying to make it believable, but it’s futile.

“this is the sixth take _____. this is ridiculous. get your act together. let’s take five.”

you look down at your shoes, face hot and chest thudding with embarrassment due to the director calling you out in front of everybody. tears well up in your eyes and you sigh, blinking them away as everyone starts talking again, walking away leaving you standing there like an idiot.

it all becomes too much for you. your empty stomach, oncoming headache, exhausted body, dry mouth, furrowed eyebrows, sweaty palms-

you let your script fall out of your hand as you stumble off the green screen, trying to get to your room before a hand is grabbing your arm. you turn around and it’s toji again.

“hey..” he leans down slightly to your height, scanning you over once. “you don’t look so good, _____-”

you shrug him off, vision becoming blurred with black static and limbs heavy and shaky. “i-i jus’ need to go. to my..uhm-” you stop, rubbing a hand down your face harshly. “i just-”

and then there is black.

౨ৎ

you come to and realise that you are laying on your dressing room couch, staring up at the ceiling. reaching up, you feel a wet, cool cloth on your head. you take it off. still fuzzy and body essentially lethargic, you try to sit up.

“hey, hey, hey.” toji whispers.

oh, toji’s here.

“take it easy.” he helps you sit up on the arm of the couch. he hands you a bottle of water and you drink it like a god.

“wait, what happened?” you ask, still confused and disoriented.

“you fuckin’ fainted that’s what,” he states bluntly. “scared the fuckin’ dogshit outta me.”

“oh.”

toji sits beside you on a chair, looking at you closely. you look down.

“the med team checked you out.” he tells you. “said you fainted, collapsed-whatever the fuck. ‘cos of stress and exhaustion. they even checked your blood sugar and said it was low as fuck.” he pauses. “not dangerously low,” he adds at the sight of your worried expression, “but.. low enough.”

you sigh, falling back on the couch. you think back to how the director shouted at you, how annoyed he was, and how humiliated you felt. tears start to form again and you cover your face with your hands, not wanting to cry in front of toji. you felt like you’ve had enough embarrassment for today.

toji leans forward. “what’s happening with you?”

the way he said it, so soft and concerned, makes the tears fall down and cause sobs to escape your mouth, hiccuped breaths falling from your mouth.

“hey, hey, hey..” toji coos. he reaches to you and makes you sit up again so he can take you into his arms. you let him, sobbing into his shoulder and sucking up all the comfort he gives you. toji’s big hand strokes your hair and the other caresses your back softly.

“shh, sh, sh…” he calms you down a little, you sobs turning into sniffles. he leans back and gives you space but his hands stay planted on your back. “tell toji what’s wrong.”

you hum sadly, looking down and gulping. “i’m..i’m tired. i wanna sleep..”

toji waits for you to continue. he can see you want to say more so he doesn’t hurry you along, he just rubs your back and nods to let you know you’re listening.

“i..” you take a breath, “i dunno what to do..i can’t do this fucking role.. i’m fucking tired half the fucking day and my so called colleagues don’t even like me!” you try to calm yourself down, taking another shaky breath. “and i just feel..lonely all the time..” you cry out the last few words, feeling another sob session coming up and toji pulls you close, letting you ruin his shirt with your tears as he rocks you back and forth in his arms.

“it’s okay, it’s okay..” he coos, resting his face in your hair.

you both stay like that for a few moments, you weeps dying down before toji talks.

“you can play this part, _____. ‘you have any idea how good your are, huh? you can act circles around half ‘these guys.”

you scoff, pulling your lips together. “i dunno about that..”

“‘m serious. _____, you can act, okay? ‘wouldn’t have made it this far if you couldn’t.”

“yeah but..this one’s hard..” you sigh, voice cracking but toji doesn’t let you start again.

“yeah, acting’s hard. but i can help you,” toji cups your wet face with his hands, wiping the tear streaks that paint you face, “we can all help you. the crew, your friends, that bitchass director. i’ll put a gun to everyone’s head to make them fuckin’ help you with this.”

you giggle at his seriousness and he huffs, relieved that you’re relaxing a little.

“they don’t hate you, y’know. everybody on set. the cast. they just think you’re a little shy and quiet. they don’t hate you, okay?” toji reassures you. you nod absentmindedly and he shakes your head from side to side to make you pay attention, making you smile, eyes crinkling even though they’re still tear stricken. “there she is..who the fuck could hate you, huh?”

“ugh, toji.” you roll your eyes, sniffling and rubbing your face. you pull away from him. “ugh..i just want my bed right now.”

“yeah..i know it ain’t my place but told the director that you’re taking a few days off. you need a break, kid.”

you didn’t even argue with him. you couldn’t.

“yeah, i do.” you agree.

suddenly, a loud rumble from your stomach erupts, it was like an earthquake.

toji laughs. “someone’s hungry.”

you groan. “‘m starving. haven’t eaten since yesterday.”

“we’re getting you something to eat.” he states, leaving no room for objections.

toji stands, holding his hand out for you to take. you do, his large, calloused hand dwarfing yours as he helps you stand up. “can you walk?”

“i will if there’s food involved.”

“that’s good.” toji chuckles, “how’s takeout sound?”

a/n: had to write a whole fic abt this i apologise 🥸 will add the tag list later i just keep forgetting the users </3

#📫.toji #📫.answered #toji x reader #toji x you #toji x y/n #toji x self insert #toji fluff #toji fushiguro x reader #toji fushiguro x you #toji fushiguro x y/n #toji fushiguro x self insert #toji fushiguro fluff #toji fushiguro fanfic #actor!toji #actress!reader #toji zenin x reader #toji zenin x you

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emphistic · 15 days

Text

Oblivion

a/n: repost bc the original isn't showing up in any tags

Most Thursdays went this way.

As captain of his basketball team, Sukuna always showed up to the gym first. Sometimes, rarely, you would also accompany him. Which is what you did today.

You and Sukuna sat together, talking between yourselves about whatever was going through your minds. Sharing chaste kisses every once in a while.

Fifteen minutes after you and Sukuna entered the gym, the rest of his teammates arrived. The sound of sneakers against the floor boards made you look up from your spot on the bleachers.

"'Sup Y/N."

You waved back.

"Hey, Y/N, long time no see."

"Hi, Y/N!"

"Y/N! Hey! Captain should bring you out here more often, instead of keeping you locked up." The player laughed, and you stifled a giggle.

The captain grumbled; he planted a soft kiss on your forehead before standing up to join his team and start warm-ups.

Sukuna checked his watch, but when he looked up, he saw his newest teammate, Adam — a brunette, who was just a little taller than you. The coach had recently picked him out. Oh, right, Sukuna thought, clearly having forgotten.

"Yo, Captain. Who's that Y/N chick everyone said 'hi' to?" He jabbed a backwards thumb in your direction. "She the coach's daughter?" Adam continued to check you out, while you remained oblivious on your phone. "I wonder if she's single—"

"Run a lap," Sukuna cut him off, his tone stern.

"Wha- why?" Confusion was evident on the brunette's face.

"Five laps."

The man started jogging, but he turned back and asked, again, "Please don't make me run more laps for asking but. . . Dude, why?"

"Because Y/N's my girlfriend, dimwit." Sukuna sighed, before looking over at you, who was still oblivious to the whole situation.

Taglist: @starlets-things @sad-darksoul

#sukuna x reader #ryomen x reader #sukuna x you #jjk x reader #jjk x you #sukuna fluff

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norrizzandpia · 6 months

Note

hiii, it's me again, the video's #1 stan. i've decided to call myself sun anon (if that's okay<3)

i've been thinking about whiny/needy lando and i've decided to make that everyone's problem!!! like imagine getting back to his apartment after you've been running errands or something and he's so happy to see you and he's acting all clingy and won't let you go. kisses all over your face, trailing down to your neck, hands roaming your body, not wanting you to move from his lap. just think!!!! im mentally ill 🥰 and totally normal about this!!!

OMFG THE START OF SUN ANON 😭😭😭😭 mwah mwah im your biggest fan atp also i love this

I Can’t Go a Second Without You (LN4)

Summary: She was gone for five hours, but apparently that’s too long in Lando’s book.

Warnings: clingy lando is that rlly a trigger bc omfg thats my dream, language, heavy make out, lando gets EXCITED! Bro struggles badly bc yn just wants to put things away

Note: I DIDNT THINK IT WAS GOING TO GET THIS SEXUAL BUT HERE WE ARE. SUN ANON I HOPE THIS LIVES UP TO YOUR EXPECTATIONS PLZ OMFG 😭😭

2nd Note: bro wtf three updates in a night wtf am i doing

She really didn’t think she had been gone that long. Just a few errands and stops along the way for random things she remembered she needed, Y/n had only been gone for a few hours. However, to Lando, it was clear that had been a lifetime when she walked through the door and he was on her in an instant.

Hugging her tightly and nuzzling his face in her neck, Lando said, “What took you so long?”

Her hands ran through his hair as she dropped her bag and kissed his cheek, “What do you mean? I just ran out for a few.”

He shook his head lightly, “No, baby. You were gone for way too long. I’ve just been sitting around waiting for you. I mean, I was so bored.”

His whining and complaining had her smiling as she felt him pull away, only to grab her hand and tug her over to the couch.

Plopping down, he pulled on her arm, so she fell right into his lap, moving her legs in order to straddle him properly. His hands were on her back as she leaned backwards to stare at the bags left at the front door.

“Wait, Lan, I need to put those away.” She said, trying to move from his grasp only to be pulled right back down.

He shook his head, “No way. I’ll put them away later. For now, though, you’re all mine.”

Looking back at him and really looking into his eyes, Y/n clocked how desperate he was for her. His hands squeezed her hips in a silent pleading as his eyes swam with an overflow of love.

Melting into his demeanor, Y/n sat closer to him, their fronts pushed against each other as her fingers brushed through his hair. He hummed in pleasure before leaning in and kissing her lightly.

It started out feather-like, but became more needy as time went on. His hands traveled down to her ass, squeezing when her hips moved over him roughly. When she felt one of his hands leave her back to travel up to the back of her neck, Lando simultaneously moved his lips down to her jawline. He stayed there for a while, nipping and sucking before finding her sweet spot just above her collar bone and fixating on it. Her quick intakes of breath when he ran his tongue over the spot had Lando feeling needier than he had began with. The way her hands gripped his t-shirt as if he was her anchor had him getting more excited than he had anticipated.

“Lando, wait,” She whispered when his hand slipped under shirt.

Thinking she was uncomfortable, he drew back immediately, looking up into her eyes in search of answers.

Although, she gave no sign of discomfort when she got off of him and trailed back to the bags at the door.

“Just let me get these things put away and then we can restart and end that.” She said nonchalantly as if she hadn’t just left her boyfriend on the couch with, literally, the biggest problem.

He stared at her, trying to find words for her cruelness, before standing up and shuffling over to her. One hand over his crotch to cover his situation, Lando followed her around as she moved between rooms. His hands, at times, tried to reach out for her and pull her back to where they had been, but she always scolded him and told him to give her a minute.

After a particularly close call of her giving into his persuasions, Lando groaned loudly.

“Y/n, you can’t just walk in here and grind on me and make out with me and moan in my ear and then leave me hanging. Do you see me right now?” He said in disbelief, hand moving away from the center of his pants to show her his agonizing pain, “I have, arguably, the worst case of blue balls known to man.”

She giggled, something Lando tilted his head at in offense, before she put her hands up, “Okay, I’m sorry! That was uncalled for, you’re right. I just really wanted to get all of these things done, so I could spend the night with you worry-free. But, I am sorry, baby. I didn’t really think this through.”

He nodded, stepping closer to her, “Yeah, you didn’t, love. I don’t think I’ve ever needed you as much as I do right now.”

She quirked an eyebrow as he pulled her into him by the waist, “Is that so?”

Backing her up into the wall and pushing his erection into her thigh, Lando whispered, “Let me show you.”

She brushed her lips against his, the items in bags she had wanted to finish putting away being long forgotten, “Okay. Show me, Lan.”

#f1 fanfic #f1 imagine #f1 fic #f1 x reader #mclaren #lando norris x reader #lando norris imagine #lando norris fanfic #lando norris fluff #lando norris imagines #lando norris fic #lando norris fanfiction #lando norris smut #lando norris edit #lando norris #lando norris x you

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reiding-writing · 3 days

Note

hi! could you write prompt 6 from the angsty dialogue prompts for the climacteric event? fem/gn reader whatever you prefer, i was thinking that reader finds out something about spencer and it results in this messy situation, but honestly how you want to do it is all up to you!

JEALOUSY [CLIMACTERIC]

6. “Don’t touch me.”

WARNINGS: spencer is a bit of a twat but apologises profusely afterwards, arguing, happy? ending

spencer reid x gn!reader || angst || 2.5k || event masterlist!!

main masterlist!!

a/n: majority vote chose this one to come out first 🫶 they also chose for it to have a happy ending bc y’all are really boring /j (i love you guys you aren’t boring i swear 🫶)

Spencer Reid grew up too fast.

He was remarkably smart for his age, that much was a given, but in terms of emotional development Spencer was forced to skip what should’ve been his childhood.

He didn’t get to experience what it felt like be praised over a rudimentary piece of ‘art’ by his parents, because he was ‘too intelligent’ for that.

He didn’t get to go out on a Saturday morning with his father to learn how to play a ball game because his dad was never around.

He didn’t get to be coddled by his mother when he cried because by the time he was nine he was her full time carer.

Ironically, his childhood was an era of time where he could barely remember a single detail, despite his renowned eidetic memory, and it only seemed to further prove that Spencer Reid’s childhood didn’t exist.

All he could remember was what didn’t happen. The key milestones of his life that he never got to live through.

To say that impacted his emotional availability was an understatement. Spencer had never been one to ask for help from other people, but in instances where he really felt like he was about to fall apart it was even worse. He’d grown up with the expectation that he was responsible for his own well being. That him and him alone was the only thing that could get him through whatever dark patch that he went through.

He didn’t need anyone else. He wasn’t allowed anyone else. It was just him, always.

You were decidedly the opposite. You wore your emotions on your sleeve, and for the most part, Spencer found it entirely refreshing to watch you be able to express yourself with no holds barred and no internal monologue telling you that what you were doing was wrong.

Sometimes he wished he could do the same.

There were times of his career where he wished you’d do something wrong, that you’d make a mistake or cross a boundary and it’d allow him to exert all of the anger and deep-seeded jealously he felt whenever he saw you be so open with yourself.

He knew it was horrible of him, and more often than not the minute those thoughts invaded his mind he thought of nothing more than how much of a terrible person he was. He was wishing ill on you just because you’d managed to have a healthy emotional output.

Because he was inherently broken from all the years of keeping everything to himself.

“Are you okay?”

Spencer furrowed his eyebrows at the sound of your voice, gaze turning upwards from the mug of coffee sitting on the kitchenette counter to meet your face, covered in worry lines as you furrow your own eyebrows.

He hated when you looked at him like that. Like he was something to be pitied.

“I’m fine, why wouldn’t I be?” Spencer presses his lips together in an awkward line of a smile, a staple of his character that seemed much less genuine than usual from your point of view.

“You’ve uh- You’ve been stood here staring at your mug for almost five minutes,” Spencer flickers his eyes up to the analogue clock on the wall at your declaration.

You were right, he’d been stood in a state of dissociation for almost a whole five minutes without realising it. Great, that’s just wonderful. Like his life couldn’t get any worse.

“Everything’s fine,” He gives you another one of those awkward smiles as he takes his mug in between both of his hands, the ceramic barely even warm anymore, which tells him that his coffee isn’t hot enough for him to actually enjoy it, but right now he’d take a cup of warm coffee over standing here talking to you about his ‘feelings’.

But you’ve never made things easy.

“It’s not though is it? Something’s wrong Spencer, everyone in the office can tell,” You sigh softly at the indignation on his face as you prod at what’s going on inside his head. “We’re worried about you…” You reach out your hand slowly to lay it on his arm, and he pulls away from you without a second thought.

“Please don’t touch me,” He takes a step to the side, clearly trying to bypass you and get back to his desk so he can escape the conversation. “I said I’m fine.”

“And you’re lying Spencer.” You step in the same direction that he does, effectively blocking his path out of the kitchenette. “We need to know what the issue is or we can’t help you Spencer,” Your voice is tinged with a small amount of desperation, and it irks Spencer in a way that he can’t even fully comprehend.

“You want to know what the issue is?” He puts his mug back down on the counter with enough force that small droplets of coffee spill over the rim and onto the granite underneath it. “It’s you.”

He leans forward slightly like he’s trying to emphasise his point. “You are the issue.”

His words hit you like a ton of bricks, and all of a sudden you’re regretting caring so much.

God you’re beginning to regret even waking up this morning. Maybe that would’ve spared you from the stake in your heat that was Spencer Reid explicitly telling you that you were the sole reason why he was acting differently. Why he was being cold and distant from the team and their genuine want to just make sure he’s okay.

Because they couldn’t do that. Because you were a part of the team. And as long as you were there that coldness wouldn’t go away.

“Right…” You press your lips into a line. “Sorry for asking.”

Spencer regrets what he said almost as soon as the words come out of his mouth. He watches as that usual sparkle of compassion in your eyes literally fizzles out right in front of him, and all of a sudden he feels like an absolutely horrible person.

As you turn to leave he reaches out a hand to stop you. He doesn’t know what he’s going to say, how could he possibly redeem himself after a comment like that? But his body runs on autopilot and all he knows is that he needs to apologise to you. “Wait—”

“Don’t— touch me Reid,” You pull your arms further into yourself to stop him from reaching out to them, and he swears his heart breaks at the sight of you being dismissive. And then there was the added blow of you using his surname to further distance yourself from him and making him want to cut out his tongue so saying something so rash with absolutely zero provocation. “I understood you the first time.”

It was a complete turn of your character, all semblance of warmth and vulnerability evaporated and replaced with a cold, hard shell that Spencer could see calcifying behind your eyes.

“I-“

“I’ll leave you be now.”

And with that you disappear around the corner, leaving Spencer alone with his thoughts. His terrible thoughts that rightfully pummel him into the ground for so much as suggesting that you could ever be a problem.

—

When you said you’d “Leave him be”, he didn’t think it meant you’d literally avoid him like the plague. God you’d even roped Emily into switching desks with you so you wouldn’t have to sit opposite him anymore.

How was he supposed to grovel for your forgiveness if you wouldn’t so much as spare him a glance?

How was he supposed to explain to the team that the reason the two of you suddenly weren’t talking to each other was because he’d fucked up so badly that he felt like he was going to implode?

And most importantly, how on earth was Spencer Reid supposed to make you listen to him so he could explain himself and try to reconcile with you?

He’d considered cornering you in the break room, or catching you in an elevator on your way to the parking lot, but he knew that would only make things worse.

He’d considered turning up to your apartment your favourite snacks and begging you to let him inside, but that would be weird and borderline stalkerish.

He was really running out of ideas, and the longer he went without saying something the deeper he felt he was being pulled into the pit of despair that he’d dug himself to the point where he wasn’t sure if he as going to be able to claw himself out of it.

He had to speak to you. And he had to make sure that you didn’t run away.

The opportunity practically handed itself to him during a case. He knew budget cuts would mean that the team paired up when staying at a NYC hotel, and after some under the table begging for the other team members to room with each other so you didn’t have any choice but to room with him, he took his chance.

There was a very obvious blanket of tension between the two of you as you entered the room together, your apparent vow of silence continuing as you dump your bag on one of the twin beds to claim it as your own before shutting yourself into the bathroom to ready yourself for sleep.

He could tell that you weren’t happy about the arrangement, and despite how much you were distancing yourself from him you still wore your emotions on your sleeve, and right now they were telling him that you would literally rather be anywhere else.

You skirt past him as you exit the bathroom in your pyjamas, leaving your clothes and your bag on one of the decorative chairs to climb into bed with the continued silent treatment you’re serving him.

Spencer sighs dejectedly as he watches you take a seat on the edge of the bed with your back to him. “Can we talk? Please?”

“What is there to talk about?” Your voice washes him like a cold shower, your vocal chords dipped in ice and your words a perfect combination of blunt and dismissive. He can’t see your expression as you speak, but has a pretty good idea of the furrowing of your eyebrows and the narrowing of your gaze.

“I want—” Spencer lets out another sigh, raking his fingers through his hair in internal frustration. “I need to apologise to you. What I said was horrible and I’m sorry,”

“I don’t forgive you.”

As much as the words cut through his heart like a knife, he can’t blame you.

“I understand… I just wanted you to know that I really regret what I said, and that it’s been tearing me up thinking about it,”

“Right…” You let out a short, sarcastic laugh that causes Spencer’s eyebrows to furrow. “Because it’s all about you right?”

“That’s not what I—”

“Goodnight Reid.” You punctuate your sentence by shutting of the lamp on your side of the room, officially putting an end to your side of the ‘conversation’.

Spencer wasn’t done with it quite yet.

“I’m jealous of you. That’s why I said that ‘you were an issue’. You’re not. I am the issue and I was projecting it on to you. That was unfair of me and I need you to understand that I am apologising to do right by you, not to make myself feel better.”

“You have no reason to be jealous of me Reid,” You still haven’t turned to face him, but he’d rather be talking to your back than not be talking to you at all.

“Please stop calling me that..” Spencer lets out a small breath at the end of his sentence, words tinged with a small amount of desperation. He didn’t want to be ‘Reid’ in your mind, he wanted to be Spencer. “I have a lot to be jealous of when it comes to you,” Admitting his faults outright made him feel nauseous, but he needed to break this brick wall you’d built around yourself when it came to him.

He couldn’t stand being an outsider in your life.

“I mean, you’re sweet, kind, you have an inherent knack for social situations that I could only dream of possessing,” He takes a small break in his sentence to nervously chew on the inside of his lip. “and your emotional vulnerability makes me so jealous of you that I want to just—” He exhales sharply.

“It’s very easy to be jealous of you,”

There’s a small pause after Spencer’s confession, tension lingering in the air as he watches you aimlessly fiddle with the edge of the sheets whilst you debate how to respond.

“Those are stupid things to be jealous of,”

Spencer physically deflates at your answer. “They’re not, people like you are envied because you’re so open with yourself, that’s something not a lot of people have, myself included,” Spencer takes a small step forward, cautious about scaring you off if he approached too quickly. “even if I wish I did..”

He places a deft hand on your shoulder and you jolt at the contact.

“I’m really sorry.” His voice drops to a point where it’s almost inaudible, and you swear you can hear his voice catch as he tries to maintain his composure. “I don’t want to fight with you anymore… please,”

You let out a small sigh of indignation, and Spencer knows he’s won you over. “Fine,”

“Thank you,” He gives your shoulder a small squeeze, and you return it with one of your own as you rest your hand on top of his.

“I’m still angry with you,”

“I know…”

“You’ve got a hell of a job making up for it,”

“I know,”

“Good,” You finally turn to look over your shoulder at him, and Spencer is glad to see that your expression isn’t one of loathing or frustration. “Get some sleep Spencer,”

“Okay…” He gives you a soft nod and a half-awkward smile, the sound of his name rolling off your tongue one that fills him with more contentment than it probably should. “Goodnight…” He hesitantly pulls his hand from your shoulder to walk back to his own hotel bed, walking as you tuck yourself into yours.

“Goodnight Spencer, we’ll talk about this in the morning,”

“Yeah… Thank you…”

Spencer flicks off the lamp beside him, relaxing as the room is shrouded into darkness and allowing himself to get the first proper night of rest he had in weeks now that he’s finally made his peace with you.

#spencer reid x reader #spencer reid #criminal minds #criminal minds x reader #spencer reid angst #criminal minds angst #mgg #climacteric 🪶

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laughing-with-god · 6 months

Text

Unsaid Vow I

(This is the first 1.7k of the 10k chapter that is available right now on my Patreon. Please join for early access plus beta content!)

Synopsis: You always knew when you weren't wanted. And the way things are going in your marriage with Jungkook, a divorce is looking more and more likely. While he's getting closer to a woman at work that you're certain he's having an affair with, you're planning your escape with your four-year-old son. However, five years of marriage did not expose you to a certain side of your husband. A side of Jungkook that only gets triggered when you try to leave and break apart your perfect 'family'.

Warnings: Yandere behavior, graphic language, violence/murder, women bashing on other women, heavily implied infidelity, bad parenting, absent father, broken family vibes, very slow buildup bc Jungkook doesn't really snap until you leave him so just give him a min lol, inexperienced author writing for a five-year-old.

Also looking for new fic art for this if anyone's interested!!

Read first: Prologue

“I’m a grown man.”

These were the words that greeted you and effectively pulled you out of your weary slumber.

You drowsily rubbed your eyes and rolled over, yawning as you took in the sight of your son staring at you bemusedly from beside your bed.

If you weren’t used to this behavior from Hugo already, you perhaps would've screamed at the sudden creepy sight of a child with a solemn expression saying odd things to you before the sun has even risen. Yet, you have grown accustomed to the old man your toddler was.

“Good morning to you too, bud.” You groaned tiredly, already searching your thick bedding for your phone in order to check the time. Your alarm hadn’t even gone off yet, which told you it was earlier than you had originally planned to wake up. But what was the point of having plans when you had a child? They had a talent for ruining them.

“I’m five today.” Hugo ignored your greeting, getting right into the point with furrowed brows as he held up all five fingers, each one representing a year of his life.

“Yup, I know dumpling.” You chuckled, finally pulling out your phone and opening it to see ‘6:03 am” staring back at you. “Believe it or not, the day you were born was quite memorable for me too.”

You cringed as you thought of the 20 hour labor that preceded Hugo’s birth. How could you ever forget that hellish day?

“Mom, it’s my birthday.” Hugo told you, tone serious as a heart attack.

“Yes, happy birthday love.” You smiled at your son, trying not to let him see the exhaustion you secretly felt. “I suppose there’s no way I can talk you into going back to bed for another hour or so?”

“No. You always say ‘the day starts when I first open my eyes in the morning”. Your son parroted the saying back to you with a proud grin.

Hugo once went through a phase where he wouldn’t want to leave the bed after waking up, simply wanting to stay in pj’s all day long and watch cartoons amongst his stuffies.

It took a while to get your little homebody to actually stop this habit and begin getting up to ready himself for the day whenever he woke up. You used to tell him that the day starts whenever he opens his eyes in the morning, however on days like these where he wakes up super early, he now does not see the point in lying in.

“Right, that is a good point.” You softly relented, mentally scolding yourself for yet another parenting tactic backfired. “How does some breakfast sound?”

“Mom, I have a prop-pre-preposaa-”

“Proposal?” You offered, swinging your legs off the side of your bed.

“Yeah, that.” Hugo nodded to himself, most likely taking note of the proper pronunciation of the word so he can use it again in conversation. “I think it’s time we talk about coffee.”

“Coffee?”

“You and daddy are always saying that coffee is for grownups. Today I’m five, which means I’m older, which means I should be able to have coffee.” Hugo reasoned this to you while twiddling his thumbs, a nervous habit he does when he wants you to say yes to something he knows is unrealistic.

“Mmm...” You hummed, pretending to think hard about the offer. “What if I gave you a very light coffee? A beginner version to get you ready for the real thing when you’re older?”

Hugo looked conflicted, but after reading your face and correctly assuming that’s the best he was going to get, he nodded solemnly in reluctant agreement.

With one final huff you shoved yourself off the king sized bed, standing to your full height and throwing your arms up in a stretch. “Why don’t you wait in the living room for me bud? I’ll be right out.”

The freshly turned five year old happily nodded up at you before exiting your bedroom, leaving you alone once again.

You turned your attention back to the bed in which you just rose out of. More particularly, you stared at the other side of the bed, the side in which your husband was supposed to sleep on.

It was a direct opposite of your messy side, crisp and neatly made; the fluffy pillows, pressed sheets and silk duvet being perfectly in place. Yet, this wasn’t an ode to Jungkook’s neatness and attention to detail.

No.

Jungkook hasn’t been sleeping in the same bed as you for a while now.

Your husband always preferred to rise early, given he was a man who liked to follow a strict morning regime which could easily be thrown off if he slept in even a minute later. Up at 5:30. teeth brushed and face shaved by 5:40. Breakfast, coffee and newspaper consumed by 6:00.

Then right before taking his leave, Jungkook would pack himself a bag of work clothes and make a quick protein shake, given he would then head to the gym where he would get his morning workout and shower from. Then from the gym, he would head straight to work.

A few months ago, he suggested sleeping in the guest room.

You had asked why, bewildered at the request.

Sure, you two didn’t really cuddle anymore. Sex was also rare. But you figured that the least you could do as husband and wife was sleep in the same bed amicably. Had you started kicking him in your sleep or something?

“I’d notice you begin to kinda stir when I first get up and go about my routine. I don’t want to wake you up or be a bother.” He had said.

That didn’t really make sense to you.

You have always been a deep sleeper. And even if you did wake up for a second, you’d clearly see your husband getting ready for the day, roll over and go back to sleep.

It was such a lame excuse, you just shrugged and bitterly told him that he hogged the blankets anyway.

It wasn’t true, but Jungkook didn’t comment.

You trudged over to the ensuite bathroom and quickly did your morning routine.

When you came out of your room and into the living space, you saw Hugo glued to the giant flat screen in a trance-like state as he watched his usual morning cartoons. The sight tugged a small smile out of you, although the mother in you didn’t like how close he was.

“Hugo, back up from the screen! Bluey isn’t going anywhere. Your eyes will go bad.” Your son wordlessly obliged and scooted back, not breaking eye contact with his favorite family of puppies. “What would you like for breakfast ‘Mr. grown man’?”

“Blueberry pancakes…and don’t forget my coffee!”

“You got it, birthday boy.”

The kitchen, dining and living room were open concept, so you multi-tasked watching Hugo while whipping up his breakfast. You never were much of a cook and you still aren’t even after motherhood, but you did commit to learning your son’s favorite dishes.

The process was over quickly, you having made this recipe countless times and knowing it like the back of your hand.

You set a plate on the island table, calling Hugo over while you secretly mixed some instant hot chocolate in a mug.

The five year old jumped up and grinned at the meal, saying a quick “thank you” before digging in with all the grace a five year old could possibly have.

“And of course, your coffee.” You tried not to smile as you handed him the cup.

“Thanks mama.”

The mini-Jungkook took a gulp, then stared seriously at the contents of the mug, swishing it around in some faux detective work.

“Something wrong, dumpling?”

“It tastes…fa-fam-”

“Familiar?”

“Yes. Is coffee always this sweet?”

You laughed, now moving to the real coffee maker to make your own cup. “No, this is the kid version. It might taste like chocolate because chocolate has caffeine in it too.”

Your little old man huffed to himself but nodded in agreement, simply not knowing enough to dispute your logic.

Your old coffeemaker grumbled awake, croaking and hissing as you pressed the worn-out buttons for your usual morning brew. Jungkook always made fun of you for the ancient machine, but even after he had bought a much more expensive and up-to-date one, you stubbornly remained loyal to yours.

“So buddy, what do you want to do today? We can go get new books, hit up the toy store, maybe even visit the aquarium?”

“I wanna help set up for my party, mommy.”

Well, “party” wasn’t quite the right word for it.

Hugo had no friends. It was tough for a kid like him to make any. At this age and as a boy, most of his peers would meet and form relationships in little league or rough housing at the local park.

Your son was different. He preferred reading to sports, hated the outdoors and was generally a shy kid who tended to tear up when anyone other than his family tried speaking to him.

So this year, his birthday party was an intimate circle of family and family friends. You hoped that by next year you could host an actual kid birthday party, as Hugo would be in school and have classmates by then.

“That’s very sweet of you, but there’s time to do both.” The boy looked at you skeptically. “We can go to the bookstore across the street after breakfast and I’ll let you pick out some new bedtime stories. Then we can go to the aquarium and have lunch there. And on our way home I’ll stop by the store to get some stuff for the party, and you can get a toy. Sounds good?”

Hugo frowned, then peeled back his pajama sleeve to look at his submarine-themed watch. The act seemed a little pretentious to you, given he didn’t yet know how to read clocks.

“Fine mommy, but we should be quick. Also you need to ask our guests if they have any food aler-alergeez-”

“Allergies? Yes bud, I’ll be sure to send them a text.” You rolled your eyes.

With that, Hugo quietly finished his breakfast as you sipped your coffee.

When you two were done, you both got dressed and ready for the day’s activities.

Before leaving the apartment, you were sure to send a text to your husband.

‘Be home by 6 please. Hugo’s birthday party starts at 6:30 and he needs you there.’

#yandere jungkook #bts #yandere bts #jeon jungguk #jungkook fic #jungkook x reader #yandere bts fic #yandere imagines #bangtan boys #bts x reader

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daycourtofficial · 1 month

Text

Forever is the sweetest con

Cassian x reader, Azriel x reader

Summary: based on this request - the war with Hybern claimed the life of your husband. Reeling with grief, you discover that you’re pregnant. His brother and your friend, Azriel, begins spending more and more time with you, finding solace in each other amidst your shared grief.

Author’s note: sadness, sadness, sadness, this one took me ages to write bc it’s so fucking sad 😭 I’m not super happy with this bc I was mostly trying to meet the deadline so this might feel disjointed bc I had to kinda skip around a lot. Also I didn’t tag this as Cassian x reader in tags bc it felt too painful to do that

Word count: 3k

Warnings: character death, unexpected pregnancy, honestly just sadness

“I’m Cassian.”

A large, handsome male greeted you as you were shelving some new books away. His large outstretched hand reached towards you, waiting in the air for a moment as you set the stack of books in your arms down. Your hand gets lost in the warmth of his, telling him your own name.

He smiles at it, repeating it, testing it on his tongue.

For days, that is the only memory playing in your head. It is what you think of as you lay in your shared bed, his scent still lingering. It is what you think when Feyre picks you up, and her and Mor place you in a bathtub as they clean you. It is what you think of as you stare at the ceiling, hoping it will collapse on you.

It is what you think of as you stand between Rhysand and Azriel at Cassian’s memorial. It is what you think of as they lower the casket into the ground, the citizens of Velaris standing around to pay their respects.

You don’t notice the hundreds of people who come to offer you a silent nod, a gentle prayer over you, their voices carrying gentle choruses of “he was so brave” and “you should be proud”.

You’re too numb for any of this. You’re too numb to recognize the hand Azriel places on your back, or the hand Feyre clasps into your own, squeezing tightly.

All you can think about is how his hand felt in your own the first time you held it - warm, gentle, comforting. And how it felt the last time you held it - cold, lifeless, gone.

Being a war hero came with a cost.

Only Cassian didn’t have to pay it - those he left behind did.

You’re not sure how much time has passed since Cassian died. You’re not sure if the people of Velaris still mourned him, or were simply wearing the traditional colors of their court.

You sat in one of Cassian’s old tunics, piles of clothes scattered on the floor around you. Your back was to the wall, its cool surface warming with your heat.

You hear movement in the house, but you don’t have the energy or ability to care who’s here.

Someone knocks gently before coming into the room, Azriel’s large frame coming through the door to your chambers. He sees the slightly ajar closet door, and shimmies his way in, sitting next to you amidst the pile of clothes on the floor.

He notes that they all seemed to have been pulled right off their hangers, in a fit of rage or desperation perhaps. Shades of black and red litter the floor, and the realization that it was all Cassian’s clothes causes him to take in a deep breath.

You two sit for a while, Azriel’s wings likely cramped in the small space. Mother knows Cassian complained if he spent more than five minutes in your closet.

Azriel just sits in silence, his shadows gently swirling the floor, searching through the piles.

For what, you’re not sure.

You finally speak, the words hard to form. You didn’t speak much these days - your voice a rare sound for your family’s ears.

“He doesn’t need them to be hung up anymore.”

Azriel sighs, shifting closer to you. He gauges you, looking for a reaction before moving a bit closer.

“He never needed them hung up. Before you he mostly just left his clothes strewn about the room. Drove Nuala and Cerridwen mad.”

You look at him, pulled from your trance of that black shirt Cassian wore when the two of you went on vacation in Adriada. The shirt that fit him so well the two of you did not see the beach at all for the five days you were there.

“They’d complain, saying every night he’d pull his clothes that they neatly hung up and the next morning they’d be strewn about his room,” he shrugs, still confused over how Cassian kept track of where everything was.

“Eventually Rhys told them to stop and to let Cassian do what he wants. No idea how he managed to stay neat and tidy with you.”

Your eyes meet his, and he reaches out a hand for you. It’s the first offer of help you’ve accepted in days. You keep his hand in yours for a long time, sitting amongst Cassian’s clothes.

You were sitting on the small balcony of your home, looking out at the expansive night sky above you. Elbows on knees, collapsing in on yourself.

Eyes red rimmed, tear tracks marking your face. You had never felt so helpless or as hopeless as you did now. Your eyes snag on a dark figure, soaring through the skies, its body getting closer and closer.

Azriel had taken to checking on you every three days now. Make sure you were eating, washing, and moving. Honestly if it weren’t for these biweekly check ins, you’re not sure how you would be faring.

The Illyrian descends next to you, a soft landing as he tucks his wings back in and sits next to you. You two sit in silence for a while, the sounds of the night a melody playing for just you two.

Velaris is dark, few fae lights scattered throughout the city aglow. You breathe deeply, taking in the smell of Azriel next to you. You should tell him, but you haven’t been able to tell anyone all week.

It was eating you up - you knew they’d be supportive, you knew they’d love you and help you in anyway they could. But it would still break their hearts just a bit more.

Your internal debate is ended by the overwhelming turn of your stomach, your lunch from earlier wanting to make a quick exit. You hurriedly get up, running towards your bathroom and throwing yourself on your toilet, narrowly reaching it in time.

Azriel ran after you, making quick work of grabbing your hair before you began your second wave of vomiting. The only sounds in the room are your retching and Azriel’s soothing tunes.

His other hand gently rubs your back as you feel as if you’re going to die. From embarassment or pain, you’re not sure. He waits for you to say what he already suspects, having noted a subtle shift in your scent when he arrived.

You wipe your mouth, not wanting to say the words aloud. The words that Madja had told you three days ago, the words that caused you to shut down until now.

“I’m pregnant,” you say, head leaning against the toilet seat. “All Cass wanted was to be a dad. Now I’m pregnant and he’s dead.��

A forced laugh comes from you.

“It’s not fair, Az.”

Your words hang in the air, and your friend responds by wrapping his arms around you, and pulling you into his lap. He nuzzles his head into your shoulder, his breath shuddering as he cries softly into your hair.

The two of you lay there, the cool bathroom tile digging imprints into your skin as he holds you, tears streaming from both of you.

Several months along in your pregnancy, and Azriel has essentially moved in with you full time. He takes meticulous care of you and the babe - he goes to your appointments with Madja with you, he goes baby shopping with you, he even put together the crib in your room.

He was your late husband’s brother. He was stepping up, knowing that Cassian would want him to help you. And yet your dreams wouldn’t stop being so perverse.

For the past month, every night without fail you dreamt of Azriel. Every dream was different - some of places you’ve gone before, places you only know of because Azriel described them.

The dreams were weird and disorienting, but you left them there. They were dreams.

About how beautiful he was. About his hands, his wings, his shoulders, his thighs.

Every day you’d wake up full of shame at where your mind takes you against your will.

“Az,” you say, a serious look on your face. “Something’s wrong.”

He looks over to you, glasses perched on his nose. The knife in his hand clatters, landing on the cutting board, a piece of carrot tumbling to the floor as he moves to you quickly.

Your breathing becomes more shallow, and you hold your hands out, reaching for his. Once his fingers reach yours, you bring his hands to your bump.

Just as he’s about to ask what the problem is, he feels a soft thump against his scarred hand. He can’t control the soft laugh that comes from him, and he can’t help but cradle your bump just a little tighter.

He looks back up to you, a mischievous glint in your eye.

“I thought something was wrong.”

You smile, “I know - that’s what makes it fun.”

Almost eight months had passed since Cassian’s death, and you were finally able to hear his name without breaking down. Azriel was the only one you would talk to about him, though.

It felt right to talk about Cassian to Azriel. It felt right to plunge yourself back into the memories of him - his boisterous laugh, his insistence on touching someone at all times, his presence in rooms.

It felt right, and the babe in your belly would kick frequently whenever Azriel spoke to you about Cassian, as if they knew who you were talking about.

It felt so right, and yet so wrong. Every night before bed you replayed the memories of the day, desperately trying to insert Cassian into Azriel’s spot in them.

He never fit perfectly into them, the edges of him not quite the right size.

This was too much.

You were an absolute fool to believe you could do this. To not only birth but to raise your dead husband’s babe. Who let you do this? Who thought this was a good idea?

“Hey.”

Azriel’s voice vibrates through you, pulling you from your thoughts, his large frame behind you. Your back pressed to his chest, his arms helping hold your legs up.

You lean your head against him.

“This was a terrible, terrible idea.”

He smiles, “Cassian never was known for good ideas.”

Your face contorts in agony, a strong cramping pain rippling through you.

Azriel takes the wet cloth from the nurse to his left, holding it on your forehead. “I’m so proud of you. You’re doing so well.”

You scoff, “if I was doing well, the babe would be out by now!”

Azriel takes your jabs, your sarcasm, the intense squeezing of his hand in yours. He’ll take everything you throw at him.

After about eight hours, you were blessed by the cauldron with a beautiful boy, tiny wings clinging to his back as he cried.

Azriel’s presence didn’t stop after the babe, Camden, was born. If anything, he spent more time with you. He delegated much of his work as spymaster to support you, even going so far as helping coordinate schedules for Feyre or Nesta to help you bathe.

In the first few weeks, you were able to move around, but you were utterly exhausted. Not just the physical demands of your babe and recovering from birthing a winged babe, but also the emotional toll this took on you left you unable to care much for yourself.

You had thought being bathed would make you feel like a burden, but Feyre and Nesta did everything to make you feel so loved instead. They lit candles, rubbed your back, and told you how proud of you they were constantly. Their words never failed to make you cry, the task at hand feeling impossible if you thought about it too hard.

Eventually, after weeks of sleepless nights, feeling like nothing more than a cow for milk, you and Azriel were able to settle into a routine.

He took care of the babe at night, allowing you decent sleep. He brought Camden to you for his middle of the night feedings. You took care of Camden during the morning through early afternoon while Azriel attended to his duties. The two of you cooked dinner together, Azriel always insisting on washing dishes afterwards.

After a while, it all felt so normal. As if Cassian was never meant to be here for this part.

A few months after your son’s first birthday all Hell broke loose. It was a regular day. The sun still shone as it always does, your son was as beautiful as ever. Azriel was holding Camden in the air, helping him stretch out his wings, when he spoke for the first time.

A soft dada accompanied the little boy’s giggles, followed by Azriel stiffening immediately. You looked to the shadowsinger, and when his eyes met yours, you knew.

As if a golden thread appeared out of thin air, tying a knot from Azriel to you, you could feel him. You pulled an experimental tug in the bond, and he pulled back.

Wide eyes meet each other from across the room, silent except for Camden’s continued giggles. You stare at him bewildered, your expression mirrored back to you on his face.

A high pitched noise starts ringing in your eyes before everything goes black.

“It’s a bit of a cruel joke,” you say. “I want to love him, I want to be with my mate. But what kind of person does that to her deceased husband?”

You had woken up in Rhys’s office twenty minutes ago to your head in Feyre’s lap, her hands gently running through your hair.

You had heard bits of hushed conversation, and you thought you had heard Az, but when you came to, he was nowhere to be seen.

Rhys looks contemplative before saying, “you of all people should know that Cassian would have wanted you to be happy.”

You put your head in your hands, gathering to courage to say your worst thoughts out loud.

“It feels like Cassian died for me. I know he didn’t, but I can’t help but feel like if he had survived, would Azriel still be my mate? He would have let me be with him, yes, but just.”

You sigh, trying to grab the fragmented thoughts in your head and place them together. Rhys lets you, allowing silence to fill the room.

“It would have killed him having to watch me choose Azriel over him. He would have done the respectable thing, he would have stepped back. He would have been happy for us.”

You sigh, “but if it were the other way, if Nesta or Elain were his mate, I’m not sure I could give him up.”

Your words come pouring out quickly before you begin sobbing. He wraps his arms around you, pulling you into his chest. His hands wrap around your head, and he gently smooths your hair down.

“Feyre and I are immensely happy for you, despite the circumstances. Both of you. I know you might not feel like it, but you made your own family.”

You found Azriel a few hours later in what used to be his room in the townhouse. He hardly stayed here, hardly stayed at any of Rhys’s estates anymore, opting instead for the comfort of the home you two now shared.

“Hi,” you say tentatively, stepping through the door.

“Hi,” he echos back, turning to see you.

“Crazy day,” you say, pulling lightly on the bond. He cracks a smile, but there’s a sadness deep in his gaze that you haven’t seen in months.

He moves towards you, slow and deliberate steps, as if you were a bunny found in the woods easily scared off.

“Do you want this?” He asks, eyes focused on your own.

You nod your head. He nods back.

“I dreamt of you. For months, years even. Since about halfway through my pregnancy, you’ve been in my dreams most nights.”

He watches you speak, letting you say whatever it is you need to. You take a deep breath before continuing.

“I don’t want to forget Cass, and I don’t want you to feel like you’re replacing him. I can love both of you.”

He steps closer, slowly moving towards you until he’s stopped right in front of you, his wings blocking you in.

“It’s unconventional, I understand. And I understand if you don’t want a widow with a child.” You look up towards him, determination in your eyes. “But I am all in.”

He gently cups your cheek, eyes full of conflict. “It won’t be easy,” he muses.

“Nothing about this has been easy, why start now?”

His face slowly moves closer to yours, his lips gentle against your own. His hands still hold you gently, as he kisses you long and slow.

There would be time for passion later, his kiss now is full of the emotions words can’t convey. Adoration, sacrifice, immense grief.

You thought having Azriel kiss you would make you feel like you were betraying Cassian. Instead you feel an overwhelming sense of rightness as your hands cup his jaw back, pouring every ounce of you into him.

You and Azriel look out at your backyard, watching Nyx and Camden run around, play fighting with their swords. The two boys occasionally take short flights, only about a foot or so off the ground.

Azriel wraps his arms around you, pressing his face into the crook of your neck. You close your eyes, letting yourself feel this moment, allowing the sounds of the boys playing and your mate’s breathing to lull you into some form of peace you never thought you’d find again.

#acotar fanfiction #azriel x reader #azriel x you #azriel #azriel fanfic #acotar writing #azriel x y/n

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fairyhaos · 2 months

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how seventeen make the shot after saying "this one's for you"

requested by anon! im actually terrible at basketball so even if none of them made the shot then id be impressed at them for trying lmaoo. also chan is in 2 bc i think he fits both!

masterlist

seungcheol, hoshi, mingyu

makes the shot, is endlessly pleased with himself. will not shut up about it. it's going to be the story he tells during nights out with the others for the next five weeks straight. he's so genuinely delighted and he's all “did you see that? you saw that right? it's because i did it for you babe that's why it went in—” pls give this man a pat on the head and tell him that he did well bc otherwise there's a chance he'll keep pestering you until you compliment him. no but in all honesty, it really is quite sweet how excited he gets about it, and it does make you feel all kinds of loved.

jeonghan, minghao

makes the shot, and looks at you all weird when you're genuinely surprised. he knows how to handle a ball, okay? why are you so shocked? is the teensiest bit pleased on the inside though bc your reaction genuinely helped fuel his ego hugely. takes about 5 more shots in a row and is now grinning a little bc the wowed expression on your face does not fade. he has to eventually stop because he is starting to get a little embarrassed at how genuinely impressed you are.

joshua, junhui, dokyeom

doesn't make it, but he's so adorably embarrassed that it has you collapsing into a laugh and automatically going over to him to squish his cheeks, endeared. there's that tense moment where you think the ball is gonna go through the hoop, but when it ends up just bouncing off the side and shooting far away to somewhere else, he's turning away in embarrassment and you're grinning and reaching over to hug him and coo that it's okay because he made the shot into your heart long ago, and that's a shot that he definitely did not miss

woozi, seungkwan, (chan)

isn't able to make the shot right up until you finally drag him out of the court. he's normally good at this, but he swears that it's bc of the pressure he put on himself by declaring that he's gonna do it. woozi doesn't make it bc he gave up after three times. seungkwan doesn't make it bc he keeps talking between every shot and eventually you laugh and drag him home. chan tries his best, but apparently the ball must have had an argument with the hoop or smth bc it just refuses to go in and it's definitely not his fault

wonwoo, vernon, (chan)

either misses the hoop by miles or makes the shot and then gets all surprised at his own abilities. “holy shit did you see that? i'm basically a basketball god now. woozi can be the god of music and ill be the god of basketball” he is not basically a basketball god, but it was a good shot, and you laugh at how proud he is for making it as he gestures to the hoop and re-commentates the entire act for you like you weren't watching him the whole time. his reward for successfully wowing you is head pats and the promise of whatever ice cream he wants once you finally leave the court and go home.

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roosterr · 10 months

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white flag ✹ ch 1

note: tysm for all the support on the first part! it made me so happy to see that people were enjoying it!! also sorry if you're not british bc i'm british-ing the reader in this story lol.

pairing: ghost x gn!reader

wc: 3.2k

no use of y/n reader's callsign is 'stingray'

summary: you decide to walk to work with ghost instead of driving yourself. what could possibly go wrong.

warnings: ghost is a bit mean again, reader is going through it, some angst, a lil bit of fluff at the end

ao3

【prev】 || 【next】

you didn't sleep well these days. your dreams are more often than not consumed with your newfound fear of fire – something you'd be taking to the grave, rather than give ghost something new to grill you about. the memories of waking up to your house filled with smoke haunted you, ever present in the back of your mind, even as you slept. it was all you could think about. distracting yourself with work had been effective so far, so that was how you'd continue until it either went away or became a bigger problem.

in the week since the fire, you'd yet to actually see ghost in the morning before you both went to work. it was like you were living with an actual ghost. you would never see him, but every now and then you'd hear a noise from upstairs and be reminded that he exists. honestly, it was kind of a relief – he obviously didn't want to see you any more often than necessary, and as much as his avoidance hurt you, you're not sure you could handle being berated before you've had your morning coffee.

he stayed out of the living room, for which you're thankful. you're overly aware of how unhappy he is having someone who is essentially a stranger occupying his home, and you're glad he's allowed you some modicum of privacy.

today, however, you'd woken up early by some grace of the gods and decided that, instead of going back to sleep for an extra forty-five minutes, you'd get an early start to the day.

that of course meant that you encountered your ever elusive lieutenant in the kitchen, as you sit at the incredibly small table drinking your mug of incredibly sweet coffee. you'd just finished off a bowl of cereal when he appeared in the corner of your vision, and you jump slightly when you notice him.

"...morning." you utter, somehow surprised to see him standing in the doorway as if this wasn't his house in the first place. unsurprisingly, ghost doesn't respond, he simply puts the kettle on and starts making himself a cup of tea, all without looking at you once. you can't help but sigh at how he blatantly ignores you, but it's not out of character for him, so you resign yourself to sipping your coffee in silence.

you watch as he shuffles around the kitchen, his large frame making the space look even more tiny, if that was even possible. somewhere in the back of your mind you wonder if he sleeps in his balaclava, since it didn't look like he'd even washed his face since you saw him yesterday.

when he suddenly turns and meets your eyes, you freeze and quickly look down. of course he knew you were staring at him, why wouldn't he? he always seemed to be acutely aware of every mistake you make, much to your chagrin. heat rises to your cheeks and you subtly clear your throat from the embarrassment of being caught. you can't see what expression he's making, but you'd be willing to bet he was giving you that patented death glare.

"do you walk to base? every morning?" you ask, if only to break the painfully awkward silence between you. a moment passes of you looking at him expectantly as he finishes making his tea.

"yeah." his mumble is barely audible, and you have to strain to hear it despite sitting less than two metres away from him.

"but it's, like, a half hour walk," you muse, tilting your head at him. it made sense, you supposed, you already knew he didn't have a car, and it would explain why he always left so early.

"twenty-five if you're quick about it." he mutters, turning away from you to face the window. you see him lift his mask over his nose and bring his cup up to his lips. there's another beat of silence between you as you stare holes into the back of his head.

"do you, uh… want a lift?" you ask, hesitancy lacing your voice. he's still facing away from you as he downs the rest of his tea, setting the cup down in the sink.

"no."

"okay…" your voice trails off, quieter than before. it doesn't matter that you expected it, his blunt dismissiveness never fails to make your stomach sink. as you finish off your own drink, an idea lights up your eyes. you stand up, bringing your cup and bowl and placing them in the sink, before turning to ghost. "then i'll walk with you." you give him a warm smile, taking note of how he quickly pulls his mask back down as you look at him and the way his eyes widen the slightest amount at your words.

"no–" he begins, shaking his head, but you're already set on the idea.

"just let me grab my jacket," you give him another small smile, and without another word, you disappear into the living room – your very makeshift bedroom – to search for where you discarded your jacket when you got home the night before.

when you come back out to the entryway, hiking your jacket over your shoulders, the first thing you notice is ghost's boots are no longer by the door. you poke your head into the kitchen, and find the spot in front of the sink where he was standing distinctly empty.

the bastard left without you.

with a whispered string of curses, you pull on your own boots as quickly as you can manage, and race out the door after him. you get a few paces down the path before you remember you have to lock the door behind you, practically sprinting back to it and securing it at record speed. in less than a minute, you're running down the road after ghost's retreating form, swearing under your breath the whole way.

when you finally catch up to him, he doesn't even spare you a glance as you try and catch your breath beside him.

"damn you walk fast…" you huff, straightening your jacket and looking up at ghost. he gives you a look out of the corner of his eye, but still doesn't say anything. "well, you're not shaking me that easily, l.t."

"anyone ever told you you're a pain in the arse?" he grumbles, shoving his hands in his pockets.

you mirror his movement, raising a brow at him. "yeah, you do – all the time actually."

his gaze darts to you for a split second, almost unnoticeable, and then he's back to looking straight ahead like you're not there. there's nothing you want more in that moment than to know what he's thinking, but you'll just have to make do with his blank expression.

"so, uh…" you clear your throat, drawing a blank on anything you could talk to him about. "so, what's your favourite colour?" you cringe as soon as the words pass your lips, but it's too late to stop yourself now. "you strike me as a forest green kinda guy."

"god, shut up sting." he sighs, glancing briefly at you with a frown you can see through the balaclava. you frown back, throwing your hands out in exasperation.

"so you really wanna just walk in silence all the way to work?" you ask, jogging slightly to catch up with him as he takes a corner you weren't expecting.

"didn't wanna walk with you in the first place." he says, his shoulders hunched with tension. "you're more than welcome to drive yourself."

"i'm just trying to be friendly."

"well… save your breath." he mutters. you think you hear a hint of sadness lacing his tone, but you can't be sure.

"then i won't bother on the way back, how about that?" you reply, hoping that your voice doesn't betray the disappointment you feel.

he doesn't say another word for the rest of the time it takes the two of you to walk to base. you're left essentially talking to yourself, while he gives you the silent treatment. it's disappointing, but not at all surprising – a feeling you've become familiar with around him.

you point out a woman walking her dog that you thought was cute, but he only hums and continues staring ahead. you comment on a fox in the road, but he pretends not to have heard you. any attempt you make to get him to engage again, he shoots you down every time. it's almost enough to make you give up, but you really do want him to like you, if only because you live together and not because of your admiration for him.

when you finally arrive at base, you don't bother trying to keep pace with him anymore. the commute, which in reality was only about thirty minutes, felt more like hours thanks to ghost's avoidance. you watch with a defeated expression as he disappears around the corner ahead of you and decide to go to the rec room, in the hopes that your more friendly teammates will be there.

"sting! there you are!" soap's voice from your left draws your attention as you walk through the door, and you give him and gaz a smile as you make your way over to where they're sitting. "was worried you got lost or somethin'."

"did you walk with ghost?" gaz asks. you nod, flopping down onto the sofa next to him with a quiet groan.

"yeah, but he basically just ignored me the whole way." you sigh, your disappointment evident in your voice. they both nod in understanding, having expected as much from your icy lieutenant.

"surprised he didn't shove you into a bush and leave you there." gaz chuckles, patting your shoulder as you rub a hand over your eyes.

"honestly? me too."

soap jumps up from his seat next to gaz and comes to sit on your other side. "how's it been, living with him?" he asks, his voice teasing. you groan again, and squeeze your eye shut.

"it's great," you grumble, resping your elbows on your knees and hiding your face on your hands, "now i get told i'm annoying at home and at work."

before either of them can respond, price's voice interrupts from the doorway "come on, you lot get a move on, we've got work to do." he commands, and with a quiet 'yes sir' the three of you get up and follow after him.

the rest of the day went by in a blur, in part thanks to the unfulfilling sleep you'd been having lately; the sofa-bed left a lot to be desired, paired with the adjustment period your body needed whenever you sleep somewhere new.

thankfully you didn't need to do anything too taxing today; paperwork, training, and due to an unfortunate bet, you were stuck doing inventory for the next month. it was your own fault, really, you should've known better than to make a bet with soap.

by the end of the day, you're practically dead on your feet and more than ready to get home and collapse into your horribly uncomfortable bed. you're on your way out when you remember, you don't have your car, because you walked here. so you have to walk back. with ghost.

as you drag your feet through the winding corridors, your eyes drift to the window to see that it's now raining – and quite heavily, at that. as luck would have it, you actually keep a spare umbrella on top of your locker for situations exactly like this. rolling your eyes to yourself, you turn around on your heel and make your way quickly back towards the locker room. the sun was already setting, and you still had to find ghost, preferably before it got too dark.

well, you didn't have to find him, but since you'd walked here together, you wanted to walk back with him too – no matter how grumpy he was. even if you walked in complete silence, you'd still enjoy the company.

you push the locker room door open with your shoulder, beelining for your locker along the back wall. you reach a hand up and feel around for your umbrella on top, cringing at the feeling of dust all over your hand. when you don't find it, you frown. you could've sworn you left it up there. you step up onto one of the benches nearby to get a better look, but it's still nowhere to be found.

someone stole your fucking umbrella.

you let out an irritated groan. did the higher powers have something against you? why has everything been going wrong for you lately? you have to take a second, standing on the bench in the empty locker room, to compose yourself before you burst into tears from the frustration of it all.

more than anything you just wanted to go home; but your home was gone, and now you live in a house with a man who probably couldn't care less whether you made it back or not, and to top it all off you had to walk back in the pouring rain with him with no umbrella.

now, as you make your way back to ghost's office, you're marching through the corridors with frustrated desperation; you needed to go to sleep and not wake up until you need to go to work again on monday. you're not even sure you could face going to the pub with the others this weekend, something you usually enjoy no matter how much you're aching.

you arrive outside his office, but the light is off and the door's locked when you try it. you get a sinking feeling in your chest as you think back to this morning. maybe he was just waiting by the exit?

as quickly as you can manage, you head to the front of the building, where you'd come in that morning, but when you round the corner, there's no one there. you sniffle, trying to bottle your frustration for when you're alone, and decide to try one last option before calling it a day.

you lean around the door into the rec room, spotting a group of a few privates you don't know the names of sitting around a table, playing some card game.

"have you guys seen lieutenant ghost?" you ask them, your exhaustion clearly showing on your face by the way they look between themselves before responding.

"uhm, yeah, i think i saw him leaving about an hour ago?" one of them answers.

"oh." you mutter, blinking dumbly as you process his words. "right, thanks."

the bastard left without you.

again.

it takes you a great deal of restraint not to scream.

the journey back in the dark, by yourself, is painful, to put it lightly. you get splashed by passing cars exactly twice, and you're practically soaked to the bone within the first ten minutes of walking.

the lights are on when you finally round the corner and have the house in your sights. you almost slip on the small patch of grass outside, but manage to save yourself that embarrassment and stay upright.

you wrench the door open, stepping inside and dripping on the entryway floor as you slam it behind you. you wipe your hand over your face, flicking the excess rain onto the floor as well before sharply tugging your boots off and dropping them next to ghost's.

you move to stand in the doorway to the kitchen, glowering at your lieutenant who stands in his usual spot by the window with a nice warm cup of tea in his hand.

well, good for him.

"dickhead." you hiss, taking note of how he seems to be perfectly content and, most importantly, dry. he sets his cup down on the counter next to him and turns his body to face you, expression consistently unreadable with the mask covering him.

"...figured you'd left already." he mutters, his eyes flickering to your soaking wet clothes and then back up to your face, not quite meeting your seething gaze.

"no you didn't." you spit, wiping your eyes sharply as more water drips into them. "you just didn't wanna deal with me. well, you got your peace and quiet, i hope you're happy."

"thought you had an umbrella?" his voice is quieter still, and you think you see his eyebrows pull upwards with what could've been concern, but you brush the thought off.

"i did, before somebody fucking nicked it."

"that's–"

you appear back in the kitchen doorway, throwing your hands out to your side with a wobbly frown. "you win, alright? i'll–" you can't help the way your voice cracks, "i'll stop trying to be friends with you. i'll leave you alone. you win."

and with that, you storm into the living room, slamming the door behind you before he can get another word in – before the dam breaks and you can no longer stop the tears from falling. your knees give out and you sink to the floor where you stand, leaning your back against the door and burying your tear-stained face in your hands.

you just want to go home, but this isn't home and you're afraid it never will be. it hurts, a lot, that no matter how hard you try, you never make any progress with him, and even though you said you'd give up trying, deep down you knew it was a lie. more than anything, you just wanted him to like you; it didn't even matter of he never cared about you the same way you cared for him, you were just so tired of being hated.

it takes you the better part of ten minutes to gain control of your breathing again, and another five to gather the strength to stand. you muster just enough energy to tug your soaked clothes off and change into your pyjamas before collapsing into the sofa-bed and burying yourself in the blankets.

you must've drifted to sleep at some point, because the sound of the door opening startles you awake. with a tired frown decorating your face, you sit up and turn around. to your utter surprise, you see ghost standing half in the doorway, illuminated from behind by the hall light, holding something out that you can't quite see in the darkness.

for a moment all you can do is sit in silence, staring and waiting for him to say something.

"...what's that?" you finally ask, your voice barely above a whisper.

"hot chocolate." he replies in a similar tone, taking a small step forward. you blink and open your mouth to say something, but no words come to mind. so instead you take the cup from him, and let it warm your hands as you take a sip.

"how'd you know i like hot chocolate?" he's about to leave when you ask, his body already poised to disappear. he turns his head back to look at you, never quite meeting your eyes.

"belarus, last year." he mutters, "you ordered it. in the caff."

you're not quite sure what to say, so you settle on a confused, "...thanks?"

"if you get a cold, it'll be your head, sergeant." he tells you, the slightest trace of something teasing in his voice, before stepping out of your sight.

"copy that." you mumble after him, a faint smile pulling at your lips as the door clicks shut again.

maybe he would warm up to you after all.

taglist: @sofasoap , @siilvan , @i-love-ghost , @projectdreamwalker , @rafaelcallinybbay , @shuttlelauncher81 , @achelois-is-here , @adamsloverboy , @thatchickwiththecamera , @chickensandwich69 , @batmanunicorns523 , @tiny-kasper , @dezibou , @pampeop , @cumbermovels , @goth-boi-atlas , @berryjuicyy

if your name is crossed out, i can't tag you for whatever reason, sorry!

#ghost x reader #simon riley x reader #simon ghost riley x reader #mw2 x reader #cod x reader #141 x reader #call of duty x reader #mw2 #cod mw2 #call of duty #simon ghost riley #mw2 ghost #roosterr writes

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remcycl333 · 6 months

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some thoughts on imagination and fulfilling ALL your desires, no matter how small ♡

hiii! just wanted to share with you guys some things ive been thinking about lately and a new discovery!

so first of all! i went through a little phase this previous weekend where i could not imagine for the life of me. i just could not concentrate, and i kept hyperfixating on every little sound in my room and it was very frustrating. i also could not fall asleep because i usually use daydreams to lull myself to sleep and i couldn't daydream! it was very frustrating.

(side note--at one point i wished that my room would just be silent and then i lost power for a few hours and my room WAS dead silent for a while, lol)

but then i was scrolling thru loatwt, like i do, and i found this acct @/scriptercas and they made a couple of posts about the way they imagine (i like this one too) and i tried it that night and i was DEEP in my imagination for like an hour straight. like me??? adhd aphantasia me???

i know that a lot of you guys are like me and have aphantasia and therefore can't see mental images and you can get discouraged by imagining, but this is definitely my new holy grail and i think this will work so well for you guys too!

(p.s. if you guys are into shifting, that account has some great advice! i'd really recommend!!)

i also recently re-read edward art's series, which i have mentioned in recent posts. once again, i know ive also said this recently, but i highly highly highly recommend reading it (or listening, there's also an audio form) if you haven't already! even if you just read the first five parts. i swear if you are still struggling to fully grasp the law, after you read it you will get it. it's so good.

i bring this up because in a lot of the parts, edward talks about building the habit of fulfilling every single desire--no matter how small--that you have, as it comes to you. and i've just been ruminating on this so much lately.

i remember at the beginning of my loa journey, there would be things that i wanted and i'd kinda mourn the fact that i didnt have them... when i didn't have to. i could've just fulfilled myself. but instead i had the idea in my head that "i'll manifest my sp first, and THEN i can get my desire of receiving flowers." or, "i'll manifest money first, and THEN i can buy the expensive things i want" or "i'll manifest my new apartment, and THEN i can host dinner parties for my friends" etc.

but what i've been thinking about lately--prompted by edward--is that you dont have to want for anything anymore. i can give myself any and everything i want in my imagination. i don't have to wait to manifest something else first.

this has really bolstered my imagination game as well. everything you want to do with or experience once you have your desire, you can have/experience in your imagination right now. and it really adds to your imaginings. it really helps immerse you more and helps you capture the feeling of it being real.

for example, when i was manifesting my apartment, i had sooo many things i wanted to experience once i'd manifested it. i wanted to have my friends over for game night and cook them dinner and make them cocktails. i wanted to bake in my spacious kitchen and have fancy utensils and expensive ingredients. i wanted to shower in my fancy shower and use expensive bath products. i wanted my own vanity stocked with expensive makeup and perfumes. i wanted a large walk in closet with rows and rows of gorgeous clothing. i wanted to come back from a night out and leave my clothes strewn about the bathroom bc i was too drunk to put them away, and no one was gonna see them or yell at me for leaving them there. like some of the things i desired for were so mundane, yet i felt the absence of them in my life every day. for example: living close to a target, being able to make adventurous meals without worrying if my family members would like them, playing video games with my friends in my own living room.

everything i just listed were things i wanted so badly once i had my apartment, but whenever id run into the opposite in my every day life, i wouldn't fulfill myself at first. like i'd go to cook the same old dinner i cooked for my family every other night and i'd be like "ugh i wish i could be in my own apartment where i did the grocery shopping and i could buy fresh ingredients and make an elaborate meal instead of just having pasta and jarred sauce again." but then i realized that if i were in my dream apartment i would be able to do that. i spent so much time imagining waking up in my new apartment and what it would look like, but in the end, imagining stuff like this is what really helped me to fulfill myself and catch the feeling of the wish fulfilled.

i was really reminded of that whenever i re-read edward's series, and now im applying it to my new desires as well. it's so funny that no matter how much i manifest or how much i learn i always find myself forgetting little tidbits like that that really help me and are very valuable.

anyway i just wanted to make this post to help you guys a little maybe! i was just in the shower and i was remembering edward saying to fulfill every little desire you have--not matter how small-- and i was remembering the days i used to imagine myself in my current shower, and id close my eyes and imagine the scent of the shampoo i wanted to get and i'd feel where every individual bath product would be placed once i had my own shower. and all that inspired me to write this!

i hope that this helps you guys out and/or gives you imagination motivation! i feel like it's important to imagine all the small things that pertain to your desire that maybe you overlook while imagining, but that you know you deeply yearn for even if u think they're mundane or that you'll just get them once you get your big, overarching desire <3

#law of assumption

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lovelettersfromluna · 6 months

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Linger

Summary: Back home for the holidays after hooking up with your best friend, who you also happen to be madly in love with...what could possibly go wrong.

an: Look who managed to get the final part of a series in a manageable time, me!! This honestly would have been out way sooner but I ended up getting pretty sick, so I apologize for that. Im feeling better, and super inspired! I have some other stuff in the works for you all as well, bc I think you deserve to be spoiled 😌. Anyways! I hope you guys enjoy the last installment of this fic!! 🖤🖤🖤

Warnings: Smut!! MDNI!! 18+, Ellie and reader are both very sad and very stubborn, angst, hurt/comfort, alcohol usage, mention of marijuana, making out, pet names, oral (Ellie receiving), tribbing, let me know if I missed anything!

Part 1, part 2

Tag list: @eveshyper @mattm1964 @teawithnosugar @macaroni676 @ximtiredx @gold-dustwomxn @mina-281 @aethelwyneleigh27 @abbysmainbitch @lil-elliesgf @franreadss @fairyysoiree @r3wbeef @liizzygrant @elliewilliamsgf69 @mabelle-cherie @cauliflowerpatch @forelliesposts @lunasolac @nil-eena @pillowprincessleia @pedropascalsbbg @ellieswifeyy @lesbiantothemoonandback @dummysimp011 @miniaturebananadefendor @sweetpumpkins @thesmutconnoisseur @miksde @delicategirlie @sawaagyapong @thesevi0lentdelights @p4ison1vy @coxmicbabygirl @julibanana925 @viswifetotallyreal

The holidays had always been your favorite time of the year.

It always filled you with this warm, cozy, feeling every time you thought about it. Throughout all three hundred and sixty five days of the year, you looked forward to those last three months tucked away at the end of the year, that were filled with nothing but warm memories.

Ever since you had started college, you family made it a tradition of having you come back for the holidays. Right after halloween, you would practically race through the assignments you had until thanksgiving break before you were off to catch a flight to spend time with your family.

You and Ellie always went home together.

She was practically apart of your family, and you were practically apart of hers. If Joel wasn't knocking on your door with a half burnt pie with Ellie standing by his side, eager to play whatever new video came out that month, you and your family were making their way to the Miller house. It was just how things were, and you it was another reason why you loved the holidays so much.

But this year, things had changed.

The air only got colder with each passing day, nipping away at your skin and making it harder and harder to peel yourself from your warm bed every morning that you had class. It was like with each passing year, the colder months grew to be more bitter and unforgiving than the last.

It had been almost a month since you spoke to Ellie.

After everything that had happened at the party, the slew of emotions that brewed within the depths of your mind and soul was almost too much to bare.

After you passed out in Ellie's arm, the bliss you felt could not compare to anything else you had ever felt before. Out of all that you had done, every one you had ever been intimate with, there was no way they could ever hold a candle to the way Ellie made you feel that night. Her arms stayed wrapped around your body throughout the entire night, soft lips pressing sleepy kisses against your face and neck, her low voice mumbling sweet nothings into your ear between the hazy state that lies between sleep and wake.

All of it came together to create the single most euphoric experience you had ever come in contact with in your entire life. But but daylight, it was all ripped away.

As soon as your eyes opened, adjusting to the light shining into the foreign bedroom you slept in, you were confused. You weren't in your bedroom, you certainly weren't in your house, you started to struggle with finding things that you were familiar with.

The second you looked down and saw Ellie's face pressed against your chest, you had gotten what you asked for.

It made you seize up a bit, your body stiffening in the girls embrace as you slowly recalled what had happened the night prior. Images of Ellie slotted between your legs came flooding in, her face slick with your arousal, green eyes low and filled with lust, mumbling the filthiest things to you as she destroyed your core with her skilled tongue.

The memories alone made you whine.

The sound made Ellie groan in her sleep, the brunette humming softly as she stirred a bit in her sleep before she leaned in, pressing lazy, sleepy kisses against your throat as she nuzzled closer into you, seeking your warmth as she slowly came to.

"hmmm..whats the matter baby?" She mumbles out against your skin, her voice low and filled with that delicious gravel that only came with sleep. It makes you swallow thickly, taking a deep inhale as you still in her arms.

She was so comfortable, basking in the bliss that you felt mere moments ago. You could tell, from the relaxed muscles of her biceps, to the soft little hums that you felt against your neck, Ellie didn't have a care in the world, not when you were in her arms like this, not when she still had memories of the night prior running through her mind, painting a soft little smile on her pink lips

And truthfully? That made you feel even worse.

Your lack of a response makes her hum, as she blinked her green eyes open to stare up at you, pressing a soft kiss to your jaw. She saw the look on your face, she saw how it was nearly drained of all color. She was confused, because you both had such an amazing night together, there was no reason why you shouldn't be just as blissed out as she was.

"Baby? You with me?" She questioned once again, watching as you blink a few times, seemingly registering her words. You inhaled deeply, clearing your throat as you grabbed both of her arms, and began pulling them from around your body. Ellie frowned as she watched you, but not making any attempt to tighten her grasp and keep you close to her.

You didn't answer, you simply rolled out of bed and silently began grabbing your clothes that had been tossed around the bedroom, the fact alone made you frown further, because through the haze of your hangover, the exhaustion, and the overwhelming urge to crawl back into bed and let Ellie do whatever she wanted to you.

All you could think about, was Sofia.

Her pretty hair, her twinkling eyes, the little dimples she had at the corners of her lips. Her pretty face was the only thing that you could see in your mind. It was like her beauty was evading every corner of your brain, forcing herself to be known, to be acknowledged by you. For anyone, this would have most definitely been the normal thoughts that are linked to someone as beautiful as Sofia, but not for you.

Because you were moaning underneath her girlfriend a mere few hours ago.

You felt like you wee going to pass out. Your heart started to beat faster as the magnitude of what you did, what you let happen, finally began to settle in. It made you feel sick, and the back of your throat burned as hot tears threatened to spill past your eyes and onto your cheeks. How could you have been so stupid? How could you have ever let something like this happen? You were careless, and it was at the expense of someone else's feelings, someone else's relationship.

Through the racing thoughts that filled your head, and the pounding of your heart in your chest, you couldn't hear Ellie calling out for you multiple times. She was sat up on the bed, eyeing you as you rummaged through the bedroom to grab your belongings. She watched with furrowed eyebrows, and a gentle frown, trying to get you to simply look at her for a few minutes. Ellie knew you too well, and she knew that the quieter you got in times like this, the more you got trapped inside your own head.

She was losing you, and she knew that.

She called out your name once more, and through the graces of some unknown force, you heard it. It snaps you out of your thoughts, and it forced you to stand up straight, your head turning in her direction and eyeing her like a deer caught in the headlights. It made Ellie sigh softly, her feet swinging over the bed as she got up, and began making her way over to you.

"What's...what are you doing, baby? I thought...I thought we" She mumbled out softly, taking a few steps towards you. Her frown deepened when you respond to this, by stepping away from her. The way you stared up at her, is a look she doesn't think she will ever be able to forget, because you look terrified, disgusted, scared.

Worst part is, she doesn't know if you feel that way about you, or yourself.

She tried reaching out for you, slender fingers inches away from your waist, her hands burning for you once again. You stepped back again, staring at the girl in disbelief. "Thought what, Ellie? Huh? Thought that...that you could just ruin my night last night? And then drag me up to a random fucking room just to fuck me? So that you could.." You choked up, the words dying down in your throat, the mere thought of what you were going to say making those hot tears burn at your throat again.

You inhaled deeply, blinking back the tears that glossed over your eyes. "That you could use me, to cheat on Sofia" you whispered out, and that was enough to make those wretched tears spill onto your cheeks.

Ellie felt herself choke up as soon as she saw you that way, teary eyed, voice barely above a whisper, heart visibly breaking, and it was all because of her. It was all because of her, and her inability to do things right for once in her life.

You didn't make any attempt at hiding your tears anymore, they were there, and it was clear to see that what happened, was affecting you. The only thing you could do, was leave with the small amount of pride that you still had.

When a moment passed without Ellie saying anything, the girl knowing deep down, that there was nothing she could truly say to justify the situation, or make her actions any less wrong than they already were, you let out a tired sigh. You picked up the last of your things, slung your purse over your shoulder, and left Ellie there standing there.

And as horrible as it sounded, it hurt even more when she didn't try to chase after you.

You didn't want to ask your mom if Ellie and Joel were coming to your house for the holidays, because you knew that it would instantly raise suspicion on what had been going on between the two of you. Your mother could see right through you, and she was no stranger to how eager you always became to have both Joel and Ellie over to the holidays, so once she noticed that it was replaced with anxiety, she would be concerned. She was already confused when she learned that you and Ellie wouldn't be making your way home together like usual.

You hated traveling alone, you always did the annual holiday flight home with Ellie. She made what would usually be quite the boring trip, something that you found to be just as exciting as the holidays itself. You saw it as the perfect way to kick off your favorite time of the year.

But this year, you were doing it alone. Something about it made you feel like the holidays this year wouldn't go down as one of your favorites.

As soon as your parents were picking you up from the airport, and smothering you in kisses, telling you how much they missed you and asking you how your flight went, you felt a bit of the dark cloud that was looming over you clear up a bit. It allowed you to forget about the intense thoughts of your best friend that had been following you around for the past month.

It made you feel hopeful for the time that you had home.

After that night, there was a tiny piece of you that hoped Ellie would reach out. You selfishly hoped that she would come and find you, apologize for what happened, tell you that things between her and Sofia were fine, so that you could go back to normal.

But she didn't.

Ellie ignored you, just as much as you ignored her.

You kept your head down for the most part, in class and when walking through the hallways. You didn’t know how you’d be able to handle seeing Ellie, or seeing Sofia.

Or worse, seeing them together.

When it was fresh, you wanted to avoid it. You wanted to pretend it didn’t happen and carry on throughout the remainder of the semester keeping to yourself.

Soon, you realized that you’d gone the longest without speaking to Ellie throughout your entire friendship. She didn’t text you, she didn’t try to come and see you, hell, she didn’t even look in your direction. It was like she didn’t know you, as if you hadn’t practically grown up together, reaching your greatest milestones together.

On her end, there was complete silence.

The one time you caught her looking at you, was when Alex was sitting with you in the courtyard one day. It was one of the last days leading up to the break, and Alex had slowly made her way back to you. After everything happened, she gave you your space, while quietly letting you know she was still around. Once you finally worked up the courage to speak to her, and apologize for what Ellie did, she told you she understood. She tried to explain to you, that the way Ellie looked at you, wasn’t the way someone looks at just a friend. She could see the fire in her eyes, an undeniable need for you.

But you refused to believe it.

Ellie had every chance to be with you. She was the closest person in the world to you, she knew everything about you, her she never made any attempts to take things further. That was fine, it wasn’t something you dwelled on, because if you weren’t Ellie’s type, then so be it. You knew you weren’t, and while it was something that didn’t bother you…

It did once she had no issue with hooking up with you, but never tried to actually love you.

It made you feel cheap, knowing that you were only worthy of being the other woman, of being the girl that had to stay hidden behind closed doors, a fantasy for Ellie to play with, all while having the benefits of Sofia as her girlfriend. It made you wonder why you weren’t good enough, what separated you from the other girls she dated.

You figured you’d leave that thought alone. If you didn’t, you’d drive yourself mad.

Alex acted as your person of comfort through all of this, offering you nights of hanging out, study dates, or even stopping by to talk after class. You had to admit, it helped. And while she was sitting across from you on a bench underneath a shady tree, listening as you vented about the paper you were working on for that week, you happened to look up for only a second, and you were suddenly locking eyes with Ellie.

Ellie, who had eyes that were glazed over, lips parted as if she wanted to say something, but couldn’t. Eyebrows knitted together as if she’d cry at any moment, begging, screaming for you to hear her, to see her.

Ellie, who immediately turns her head away from you, and keeps on walking.

Throughout the entire month of not speaking to Ellie, that was the single interaction you had with her. And now, you were expected to spend the holidays with her, her father, and the rest of your family. Pretending as if everything was okay, and none of this was keeping you up every single night since the party.

You tried your hardest to get out of the dinner your mom had planned.

You used every excuse in the book. You said your throat was hurting, meaning you must have been coming down with a cold, you complained that you had the worst headache, you even tried using the excuse of not bringing any appropriate clothes for a party.

But of course, your sweet parents did their best at convincing you that the party would be fun, and you’d regret missing it if you did.

You tried taking your time while getting ready, hoping that with some stroke of luck, everyone that was supposed to arrive would’ve flaked on the last minute, meaning you wouldn’t have to put on a tight dress and do your makeup for no reason. Once you heard your mothers squeals, paired with the front door creaking from upstairs, you knew that was out of the question.

You slowly made your way downstairs, kitten heels clicking against the wooden floorboards, the bottom of your white linen dress swaying a bit with you as you walked. It fit you perfectly, hugging your curves at the middle, little flower cutouts littering every other inch of the dress, a dainty little golden necklace resting against your chest, your hair styled perfectly, makeup even more so.

You smiled softly as you greeted some of the guests, all of them raving to your parents about how pretty you were, how much you’d grown, how they didn’t have a little girl anymore. The compliments swelled your heart, making your head big as you shook them off, trying your best to keep up with all of them. The guests were a good distraction, giving you the opportunity to act as your mothers mini me, handing out glasses of champagne and whiskey, giving everyone a warm greeting.

It was so much of a distraction, that you barely noticed your father opening the door for Joel and Ellie.

With how much she’d been avoiding you, you were almost convinced she wouldn’t come. Ellie was never one to go to places she didn’t want to, and Joel rarely forced her. He knew her boundaries, and so did she, and you were sure that as of right now, you were crossing every single one of them with just your existence alone.

Ellie catches sight of you first, once your father let her go of the big bear hug he gave her, her eyes were instantly searching for you.

She feels her breath hitch once she lays eyes on you, pushing your pretty hair past your shoulder, laughing softly at something someone that wasn’t fully visible to her was saying. You brought your champagne glass to your lips, sipping a bit of the golden, bubbly liquid.

Ellie had never been more jealous of a fucking glass in her entire life.

A few hours prior, Ellie had been pacing in her bedroom a few blocks away from your house. She didn’t know what to wear, she didn’t know how to act, she didn’t even know if she’d actually being going. Ever since the night at the party, Ellie had an unmistakable lump in her throat every time she thought about you.

Every time she thought about your lips on hers, or the way your moans sounded, or the way she’d stupidly avoided that nagging little voice inside her head for the past however many years, screaming at her about how pretty you are, about how good it felt to sleep in bed with you at night, at how fucking right it felt to simply be near you.

She thought about all the times the perfect girl for her was standing right there, and she somehow always passed her up for someone else.

Ellie’s initial reaction to everything was to run. She wanted to run from everything, from you, from Sofia, from her feelings. Everything that was complicated in her life was just another thing she needed to get away from, and it’s why you didn’t hear from her after that night. She made sure to make herself scarce, because she knew once she got in front of you again, she’d either say something ridiculous that would dig her into a deeper hole than she was already in, or she’d screw up and kiss you again because she simply couldn’t help herself.

She figured staying away was the best.

Fighting off her feelings was the way to go, and it’s what she did. She knew that eventually she’d have to face the music, but she opted for that later than sooner. She hoped that by the time she saw you again, you’d both be able to get over whatever it was that happened, sweep it under the rug and carry on like before.

Yet, here she was, facing the music like she knew she had to, and it wasn’t any easier than it was in the beginning.

You were always pretty, from the moment Ellie had found you on the playground as kids, she thought you were pretty. The way your eyes crinkled when you smiled, the way you hid your face behind the thick, frumpy turtle necks during the winter, only your cute cheeks and eyes visible, everything about you had always been so fucking pretty, there was no doubt about it.

But God…she had a tendency of forgetting how fucking breathtaking you were when you were like this. All dressed up, diamond earrings twinkling in the dim light of your home, lips tinted the most perfect shade of red, complimenting your skin tone, tugged between your teeth as you eagerly listened on in whatever conversation you were in.

Whenever you looked like this, only one thought came to Ellie’s mind. She’d think about you and her, in a nice big house, planning cheesy Christmas parties for people, wining and dining your guests, her strong arm snagged around your waist as she paraded around her beautiful wife, bragging about the shiny diamond ring she used to propose to you.

It was a selfish thought, but still one that lingered in the back of her mind. Whenever she couldn’t sleep, or got a little too high, it would pop up, and put a stupid smile on her face as she basked in the way her chest warmed up at the thought of making you her wife, the perfect timeline of friendship to lovers.

It was ridiculous, wasn’t it? Ellie dreaming of you as her wife yet she’d brag about other girls to you constantly. Yeah, she didn’t get it either.

It was like a form of self sabotage, Ellie somehow feeling she’d never be enough for you. As your best friend, she wanted nothing but the best for you, because she knew you deserve it, and somehow she didn’t fit that category herself. She wanted desperately to, to be the one for you, to sweep you off your feet and show you what love is. It made her sick to her stomach even thinking about someone else doing it for you, anyone but her.

It was twisted, and selfish, and fucked up, and it was why you guys were drifting further apart than you ever had.

When Ellie finally decided to go to the party, she had it all planned out. She was going to get in, have a few drinks to loosen her up a bit, then she’d take you away and confess her undying love for you….

Or? She’d stare at you like a hawk all night, get too drunk and leave without uttering a single word to you, continuing her silent streak she had going.

The choice was in her hands.

You still hadn’t noticed her at that point, and once a few other guests had made their way to your front door to be greeted by your dad, and she noticed that you didn’t look their way either, she figured you were avoiding the front door like a plague, because you didn’t want to risk seeing Ellie.

And that was true, partially. You were half ignoring the door, and half enjoying your glass of champagne while speaking to one of your dads dearest friends. The alcohol made you feel warm, and it made it easier to have tunnel vision on anything but Ellie, allowing your fake smile to appear the slightest bit more real to the party goers, and that was good enough for them, and for you.

As much as you tried ignoring the door, you couldn’t ignore Ellie’s eyes burning into from different parts of the room. You could feel her gaze searing into you when your parents were greeting her, once again raving about how beautiful she’d gotten, how much they loved her tattoos. As much as you wanted to give in on her, and lock eyes with those green eyes you missed so much, you knew that was a bad idea.

You’d have to simply play dumb for the rest of the night

The party carried out better than you’d imagined.

You managed to avoid Ellie without being painfully obvious to everyone there that you were in fact avoiding Ellie, and you wanted to praise yourself for doing so. It was easy, busying yourself with guests, the alcohol turning you into the little social butterfly your parents always wanted you to be. Using the excuse of hopping from conversation to conversation made it easy to keep your focus on something for enough time, that you were able to completely ignore Ellie.

Being pulled in all sorts of directions, being called every time you stepped away to refill someone’s drink or grab another tray of snacks, you were the star of the show, as funny as that seemed to you. The attention you received would’ve made your head spin on any other given day, but right now, it was just what the doctor ordered.

Sure, there were a few awkward moments where Ellie made her way to the bar when you just so happened to be there. There were moments where her broad shoulders would brush past yours, almost pulling you out of your fantasy world completely, putting you at her mercy. There was even a moment during dinner where you were positive Ellie’s eyes were going to pop out of her head with how closely she watched you.

Through all of those things, and many other tiny little instances that were a bit too awkward for you to deal with, you prevailed. And honestly? It made you feel hopeful for your future in school. If you managed to ignore Ellie so flawlessly during a holiday party, all while maintaining the composure of not having her near? There was no way in hell you’d fuck up the same exact thing at school.

You didn’t need Ellie, and you were slowly proving that to yourself.

Once dinner was done, everyone stayed for only a bit longer, praising your mothers cooking skills, and the decorations in the house. Slowly, the guests started to leave, sleepy eyes and full bellies was all they needed to be sent home with sweet dreams and even sweeter desserts, courtesy of your mother. You felt the weight on your chest grow lighter and lighter with each person leaving, knowing that in due time, Ellie would be leaving as well. When you heard your father and mother walking Joel to the door, all three of them laughing like a group of teenagers after a rowdy night together, you bid the older man a goodbye and made yourself scarce. The kitchen had been cleaned, leftovers had been packed up and put away, and you were feeling far too warm from the liquor, and in desperate need of your bed.

Your heels clicked against wooden stairs as you made your way up to your bedroom, a soft huff leaving your lips as you reached behind your back, struggling to undo the annoying little clasp that held the back of your dress together near the zipper. Another puff of air blew passed your burgundy tinted lips once you reached your bedroom, kicking your slipper heels off as you continued clumsily fumbling with the back of your dress. At this point, you felt tempted to call it quits and sleep in the damn thing.

A soft knock on your door caught your attention, and you let out a sigh of relief as you walked over to it, knowing that it was most certainly your mother coming up to catch any late night gossip that you and her had caught within the night from some of the older ladies that attended.

“Thank god, i was waiting for you to come up. Can you help me with this, mom? I can’t get the clasp” you huff out softly, already turning around and reaching behind your back to fumble with the clasp before you can see who it is standing at your doorway.

Ellie’s eyes are shamelessly raking down your body, the girl swallowing thickly as she looks down at the swell of your ass under the taunt, linen fabric of your dress. The lack of your mothers voice makes you frown, and you quickly turn around to see what it is that has her so silent, but your face drops whenever you’re met face to face with Ellie instead.

Any cockiness that you felt regarding how well you’d ignored Ellie that night had disappeared, and was only replaced with silence as you stared into her eyes. Your throat goes dry, unable to find the words to say to her, and Ellie figures this is her chance.

“Um…your parents and my dad went to check out some holiday thing going on down the street…they asked if I wanted to come but I…figured I should come talk to you instead” she explains, and you simply stare at her dumbfounded, because the path of logic that lead her up to your bedroom is one that you seriously can't come to sympathize with, no matter how pitiful she looked staring into your eyes.

You inhaled deeply, eyebrows furrowed as you gave the girl an unamused look. A moment of silence passes between the both of you before you give her a shrug. "If you leave now you could probably still catch them" you hum out, the alcohol in your system making it far too easy to be rude to your best friend. She visibly deflates at your words, the tone on your tongue foreign to her ears. She was so used to you being so shy, so sweet, always welcoming her with there same sweet words you had for her.

"Look...We can't just carry on as if nothing happened. We need to talk about this...please", you hate the way your stomach does flips when she speaks, the girl practically pleading with you to hear her out. Begging to get a moment alone with you to simply reflect on everything that happened. In that moment, you realized that no matter what, no matter what she did to you, or what happened between the two of you...

You would always be weak for her.

Your gaze softens as you watch her, taking a deep breath before you silently step to the side, giving her the space to walk into your bedroom. The way her eyes shine when you do this doesn't go unnoticed, and those stupid fucking puppy dog eyes of hers are making you melt all over again, especially when she looks so happy just from you letting her into your room.

Ellie inhales deeply once she's in your room, looking around and taking it all in. She recalls all the many nights you two had spent there together, staying up late and watching corny movies, your eyes burning from being glued to the tv for too long. She remembers all the times she would follow you home after school, using studying as an excuse to spend a few more hours of the day with you. She remembers all of it, every memory, all the times you two spent together in that house, in your room. She smiles at the sight of the little flowers on your bedsheets, or the way your room had somehow perfectly preserved the sent of you, of your shampoo, of your favorite lotion, filling her lungs and almost making her feel dizzy. She makes a mental note that your room is definitely one of her favorite places.

And she hates that you two had come to whatever you were at now, creating bitter memories in such a sweet space.

The sound of your soft sigh cuts through her thoughts, and she quickly turns around to see you. Your arms were crossed over your chest, your face still with that unamused expression, making Ellie feel like you would rather be anywhere other than with her, like you couldn't wait for her to leave your bedroom, and it makes her heart sink completely, because out of all the memories Ellie had with you, none of them were ever filled with that face that you were making.

She clears her throat, awkwardly shifting her weight onto feet as she gives you a nod, as if answering a question that you hadn't even asked. "Sorry..um...let's sit?" She questions hopefully, and you shake your head, standing your ground with the girl.

"I'm fine here...and whatever you need to say to me can be said standing up" you mumble out softly. You knew deep down, that the second Ellie got you siting next to her, you wouldn't be able to fight back the urges you had to jump her bones. You would be lying if you said that you didn't think about her every night since the party. Her lips, her tongue, the way her hands felt roaming your body, keeping you close while you both slept. The memories you had with here were seared at the front of your brain, demanding to be acknowledged every waking moment of your day.

She frowns softly at your words, but gives you a gentle nod, understanding that this was just as hard for you as it was for her, if not more. Ellie takes a deep inhale, seemingly trying to find the right words to say, the right way to start off this entire conversation. She finds herself choking up, heart beating so fast she was sure you could hear it. You're making her nervous, and Ellie is finding it hard to separate the girl that has been her best friend for her entire life, from the girl that she was falling in love with.

And she finds it hard to figure out when those two things became one and the same.

"I broke up with Sofia." she blurts out, the words almost leaving her lips too fast to make a coherent sentence, but still, you catch every word perfectly. You stare at her for a moment before you scoff, you don't mean for the sound to come out as harsh as it does, but you don't have much control over your emotions at the moment.

"Is that supposed to change every thing? Is that supposed to make all of this okay, Ellie?" You question, the calmness of your voice almost scaring Ellie. She quickly shakes her head, stepping closer towards you, to which you take a step back, mirroring the morning after the party almost identically.

"No! Fuck..No, it isn't supposed to fix every thing..I just-" Although you agreed to hearing Ellie out, letting her into your bedroom for the sole purpose of letting her explain, you're cutting her off, because you truly cannot hold back anymore. You're tired of holding it all back, biting your tongue and forcing down what you felt for the sake of others.

"Do you not understand what you did? You sabotaged something that was....that was fucking good for me. Alex was so good for me, and you were so dead set on ruining that for me!" Your voice slowly begins to raise, and you are so thankful that your parents and Joel aren't in the house, because you're sure the neighbors can probably hear you.

Ellie opens her mouth again to speak, attempting to diffuse your anger, but you don't let her. "No, I have gone this entire time in silence, it's time I talk for once" you stop her, and Ellie is positive she's never seen you this angry in her entire life.

"You have known me, almost your entire life. You never once made any advances towards me, which is fine! I've watched you have multiple girlfriends who could not be any further away from what I am than they already are, and I never said a word. I have loved you from the moment I understood what love is, and I never said anything. I was okay with not being wanted by you, I was content with just being your friend, but suddenly you're stopping me from gettin into a relationship of my own? and using me to cheat on your girlfriend?" You started pacing as you spoke, your hands flailing about as you ranted, unable to even stop and realize that you had in fact just confessed that you loved your best friend.

You were just so tired. You were tired of feeling unwanted, of feeling like you were always the second option, never worthy enough to be the girl that was taken home to mom, always the girl that was picked last.

You were fucking tired.

Ellie feels like her heart seizes up when she hears those words, the ones that confirmed your feelings. She hears how tired you are, how broken you have become, at the hands of her doings, and she can feel that the love you have for her is slowly drifting as this situation prolongs.

"And...and I know I've never been that girl. I'll never be Sofia, I'll never be the girl that makes people do a double take when I'm walking down the hallway, Im not...that isn't me. And I was fine with that! I was fine with going unnoticed...but do you...do you know how hard it is to be placed second by the girl you're madly in love with? You made me feel so...fucking worthless of actually being wanted past a night of fucking" You're crying at this point, soft hiccups and sighs interrupting every other word, making it hard to breath, and making you sound all the more broken.

Ellie watches as you pace back and forth, ranting, crying, desperately trying to find answers for why she did what she did. Searching for the will to prove that you were worth it, that you were worth love.

She realizes that she destroyed any chance of you feeling worthy of love when she drove Alex away from you.

You finally stop pacing, turning towards her. The image of you breaks her heart, because your lashes are webbed together, eyes glossy with tears, cheeks soaked, chest rising and falling as you try to catch your breath.

"You need to leave" You mumble out, voice trembling as you struggle to get the words out. Ellie simply stares as she watches you, shaking her head as she tugs her bottom lip between her teeth. "M'not going anywhere...I won't leave you again" She tries, her voice barely above a whisper. Your chin wobbles a bit as more tears threaten to spill onto your cheeks, your throat burning as you shake your head, your arms going up to wrap around your torso, as if you were keeping yourself from falling apart.

"Y-you need to get out of my house, Ellie...I can't...I won't allow you to break my heart anymore" The way you struggle to find a proper pattern of breathing and speech is a clear indication that you're on the verge of breaking down all over again, crumbling apart and letting your emotions get the best of you, and it hurts Ellie so much, she feels tears prickling at her own eyes as well.

She frowns deeply as she moves to step closer to you, watching as your head falls, staring at the floor of your bedroom, small whimpers leaving your lips. She takes the opportunity to get as close to you as she had the entire night, staring down at you for a moment before she hesitantly wraps her strong arms around your body, which results in a low sigh of relief from her, and more sobs from you.

"Can't leave you, angel...Im not making that mistake again" She mumbles softly, her words muffles as she presses her face against your head, her eyes fluttering shut as she takes a deep inhale of your floral shampoo.

And you can't even fight her off, not when your body is shaking as you sob in her arms, not when her holding you is the only thing that soothes the burn, soothes your aching heart of all the pain it had experienced, not only within the past month, but throughout the entire duration of your friendship with Ellie.

Ellie stands there for a moment, holding you as you cry, as you both cry. Somewhere within the time of hearing your soft little whimpers muffled into her shirt, tears began to spill onto her cheeks as well. Her strong arms ran up and down your back, keeping you close, thankful that you were at least letting her do this for you. Once you had calmed down a bit, you finally pull away slightly to look up into her eyes, your own red and puffy as you sniffle.

"I meant it Ellie...I can't...I won't do this with you anymore" You mumble softly, your heart swelling due to how fucking close she was. You could kiss her if you wanted to, the girl staring down at you and taking in all of your features.

She felt her heart break, because she knew you were referring to your friendship, but your words felt like it was an ending to so much more than that. It felt like she was losing her person, the one that was for her, her only love that she needed within her life.

Because she was.

She inhaled deeply, shaking her head slightly as she tucked a strand of hair behind your ear. "You know I can't leave...angel.." she hummed softly, and it made you eyebrows furrow. She felt your hands push against her waist, trying to pry your body from hers, trying your best to put more space between the two of you so that you could finally kick her out, and end whatever it was that was going on between the two of you.

And she realized, it was now or never.

"I can't do that, because i'm in love with you" she continued quickly, knowing she was running out of time to tell you how she felt. She knew that this was her last chance, and she had to use it accordingly.

The way your eyes widen as you stare up at her makes Ellie frown, because you look shocked. Is it really so shocking to believe that your best friend could love you just as much as you loved her, if not more?

You don't say anything, so she takes your silence as an opportunity to continue speaking.

"Since we were kids...I just...I didn't want to ruin things, and I always knew you deserved better than what I could ever offer, and you still do...But i'm selfish, and I can't ignore the way I feel when i'm around you" She mumbles out, trying to speak low so that you don't hear the way her voice begins to break the more she speaks about it.

You can see clearly that she's on the verge of tears, her green eyes glossing over with tears, her nose and cheeks flushing red as she bit down on her bottom lip, seemingly fighting back the tears as she squeezes your waist, trying her best to keep herself at bay.

"Im sorry..for everything that I've done...for making you ever feel like you were unwanted or undesirable when that couldn't be further from the truth...I was stupid, and I did things horribly and I've fucked up any chances I had with making you something more to me than friend...but I hope you can forgive me...because I can't...I can't do this without you" she whimpers out softly, the tears that she was desperately trying to hold back, already flowing down her freckled cheeks.

When she stares down at you, and your expression is so unreadable, and all you can do is stare back at her, she knows it's done. She knows that she shouldn't have come to bother you, and that she was better of leaving things as they were, but she can't help but feel a bit of relief that you now know the she loves you too.

And as her hands begin to loosen from your waist, and a soft sigh of defeat leaves her lips, you do something that you didn't think you would do in a million years.

You cup both your hands around Ellies face, and kiss her with every ounce of passion in your body.

It catches her off guard at first, but she doesn't waste much time in kissing you back. You can feel the way her slender fingers grip your waist tighter, desperately pulling you closer to her body as you kiss her passionately, your hands going up to wrap around her neck, basking in the love that you could feel pouring out of Ellie, and flowing straight into you.

She feels like her head is spinning, because she was sure she wouldn't ever feel your soft lips pressed against hers. You were the one that got away, and she had already made peace with that. But you were kissing her, and the passion was growing by the second, and you were slowly pushing her back towards the bed, and suddenly she has you again.

It's all a blur, because one moment you were yelling at Ellie, crying to her about how heart broken you were. Then she was apologizing to you, begging for your forgiveness, and now she's laying on your bed, with you straddling her as you kiss her passionately, slowly, simply enjoying the taste of each others mouths. Ellie's hands are roaming your body, squeezing your thighs, your middle, every where she can possibly touch you, she is. The kissing is slow, and sensual, and the sound of your tongues lapping against one another makes all of the heat in your body rush to your core.

Ellie groans softly when you break the kiss, opening her mouth to complain and pull you back to where she needed you the most, yet her words are dying down once she notices that you begin to kiss down her body.

You push her t shirt up a bit, kissing her hips gently before you settle between her legs, humming softly as you begin to undo the button of her jeans and tug them down her body. This makes Ellie frown, because as much as she can feel her aching clit throb at the mere thought of having your mouth on her cunt, she knows she doesn't deserve it. She doesn't deserve to have you there, so she props herself up on her palms, and tries to close her legs.

"Baby...wait...you don't have to-" You quickly cut her off, tugging her jeans more before you shake your head. "I've dreamed about doing this to you for years...please" you whine softly, staring up at her with wide eyes as you tug your bottom lip between your teeth. Ellie isn't strong enough for this, because you're settled between her legs, giving her the sweetest puppy dog eyes, biting down on your plush lips, and begging to eat her out. She knows she should be worshiping you, but god you are hard to say no to.

She simply raises her hips, aiding you in tugging her jeans off. She chuckles softly when she sees the way your eyes glimmer with excitement when she does this. You hum softly, leaning into her clothed core and pressing a soft kiss to it, the wet patch making you hum softly against her. "So pretty..." you hum softly, more so to yourself than her before you tug her panties to the side, far too eager to be faced with the job of taking them off.

You waste no time in pressing your lips to her soaked pussy, which forces Ellie to moan softly, her eyebrows furrowed with pleasure as she stares down at you, wanting to burn the image of you eating her pussy in her brain for the rest of her life. Your tongue pushes past your lips, lapping at her core, circling her clit, and it makes Ellie feel like she's going to lose her mind.

She feels her chest burn with a tinge of jealousy, because how the hell are you so good at that?

Your tongue pushing into her drooling hole makes all of those thoughts leave her mind instantly, and she's throwing back her head, moaning loudly for you as you begin to practically tongue fuck her.

"Ahhh...such a good fucking girl...eating my pussy so good..." her praises go straight to your core, forcing you to whine softly against her pussy. Ellie groans, her tattooed hand going to your head, keeping you close as she begins grinding against your face. "Mm..f-fuck...thats my fucking girl...fuck....wait...wait..Im close" she groans softly, trying to pull your mouth away from her. You don't budge though, eager to taste her release. You whine softly, your tongue rapidly moving against her clit. It makes Ellie groan, her eyebrows furrowing as she desperately began to shy away from your mouth, shaking her head as she tried catching her breath. "Slow down baby..I don't...I wanna cum with you..." She explains, and her heart breaks as you pout up at her, clearly displeased with her for not allowing you to finish playing with her pussy. It makes Ellie chuckle, and she slowly begins to pull you up, humming as she lets you straddle her lap. "Don't pout at me that way, baby...wanna do this right" She explained, looking up at you with hearts in her eyes, glimmering with adoration like a love sick puppy.

Her stare makes you whine softly, and her hand comes up to cup your cheek gently. "Will you let me make love to you? Is that okay?" She questioned, her voice low and soft, giving you full control of the situation, determining whether or not this would go any further.

And for a moment, you questioned what was best. You could have stopped this, crawled off of Ellies body and send her home, telling her that this was a mistake, and you should just stop being friends right then and there.

Or, you could simply let go. You could forgive her, and allow yourself all of the love you had ever wanted and craved from her, since you were a young girl. You could give into her, and let her love you the way you knew she could. Your heart still ached, and the scars that were left were still present, but they were fading, and every moment that you spent with Ellie, like this, in her arms, you felt as though she was exactly what you needed to feel better.

Ellie was mending your broken heart, and there was no way you'd let that go.

Without missing another beat, you give Ellie a soft nod before you leaned in, pressing the softest, sweetest kiss to her mouth. It makes her groan softly, because what did she ever do to deserve someone so soft, so forgiving, so fucking good.

She hums softly as she reaches behind you, undoing the claps of your dress before zipping it down and tugging it off your body, leaving you only in your panties before her. She gently pulls you against her body, your naked chest flushed against hers as she turns both of your bodies around so you were laying down with your back against your bed, and she was hovering over you.

She pulls back, sighing softly as her eyes raked down your body, taking you in like a work of art. She began tugging her own t shirt off, leaving her completely naked before you, before she reached down and snagged two fingers under the waistband of your panties, pulling them down as well.

She pressed her lip against yours, one of her hands coming down and grabbing your thigh so that your legs were spread. The kiss was sweet, and loving, and it made your head spin, distracting you from the way she began slotting herself against you, positioning her soaking wet core right against yours, the feeling making you moan softly into her mouth.

"I'll spend the rest of my life making it up to you...my sweet girl.." She mumbled softly against your lips before she pulled away from you, straightening out her back a she stared down at you, one of your legs tossed over her shoulder, as she slowly began grinding her pussy down onto yours.

You had never felt anything like it. She was so wet, so soft against you, her velvety core slipping and sliding against yours, clit bumping against yours in a way that could only be described as euphoric. It made your back arch almost painfully.

Your eyes never left Ellie, because she looked like a goddess above you. Her features were so beautiful, the warm glow of the moon shining in through your window and illuminating them, so that she looked like something out of a fairytale. Her eyes were filled with love, her lips dragging against your calf, kissing you wherever she could as she stared at you, watching your every move, watching as your face contorted with pleasure.

"Look at you...you're a fucking dream...the perfect fucking girl for me" She moaned out, her hips slowly rolling, fucking her pussy down onto yours deliciously slow. You only nodded, whining softly as you grabbed her thigh, massaging her soft skin as you tried hanging on as long as you possibly could.

She smirked softly, tugging her bottom lip between her teeth as she moaned again. "You're so fuckin' cute...my pretty girl..." her voice was so low, words so slow, dripping with lust, want, need.

Love.

She was getting closer, and so were you. You could tell in the way she started to speed up, her teeth grazing against your leg as she began to get restless. Her eyebrows furrowed with pleasure. "I...fuck I love you so much...I have always loved you so fucking much" she moaned out, and this pulls a long, drawn out moan from your lips, which results in an encouraging nod from Ellie.

"L-love you so much, Ellie...always have" you whine out, struggling to form coherent and full sentences as you became prisoner to the pleasure Ellie brought you. She moaned softly, leaning down and pressing her body against yours, your pebbled nipples pressed against her own as she caught your lips in a passionate kiss.

"That's it baby...come on...cum for me...cum with me" she groaned against your lips, her hips moving faster as she chased both your orgasms.

You moaned loudly, pushing your tongue into Ellies mouth, wrapping you arms around her neck to keep her close, and allowing yourself to let go as your orgasm washed over you. It was intense, and euphoric, and blissful, and it felt like you were gettin hit by a bolt of lightening, because you felt your heart blooming with a love like no other.

It was different from the feeling of a crush, or what you thought was a love unrequited. It was hot, and electrifying and it made you feel alive again, it mended any broken feelings you had before the night had started, and even before that, and it made you feel like you were complete.

Ellie groaned against your mouth, her orgasm lining up with yours when she felt the way you pushed your tongue into her mouth, needy whines telling her all that she needed to know, that she had gotten you there, and she had shown you just how much she loved you.

You both laid there for a moment, wrapped in each others arms, trying to catch your breath. Ellie held you close, brushing the hair out of your face that had stuck to your skin during everything, she gave you gentle praises, bringing you back to earth with her. Soon, you were both tugging your blankets over your bodies, the chilly air making its presence known as it nipped away at your naked bodies.

You laid there, tangled up in each others embrace, kissing softly, and laughing lazily, exhaustion slowly taking over you both. You felt in your heart that this was all far different from the night at the party. This was filled with passion, and love, and it all started from a clean slate, where you two began to once again understand each other.

And as you fell asleep, you knew for a fact that Ellie Williams, was yours.

#ellie williams #ellie williams smut #ellie williams x y/n #ellie williams x female reader #ellie williams x you #ellie tlou #ellie x y/n #ellie the last of us #ellie x you

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