#also tony and pepper? MAD STUPID when it comes to a shirtless rhodey

[lovelyirony]

okay so your mistletoe fic made me think of this,,,but if it isn't your style you can defs ignore it,,,but au where there's established pepperony but pepper can't help but notice the way tony and rhodey look at each other. she was jealous at first, until she realised that tony did actually love her, and more importantly - he was never going to act on those feelings. and because pepper is AMAZING,,,,she tries to engineer a scenario where tony can be with rhodey, and it ends with otv p x t x r

yes. 

Pepper is not stupid. She knows the way that Tony looks at Rhodey, she knows the way they’re so close. 

almost too close, her brain whispers insidiously. 

She’s not sure what happened or is happening. She has questions on the tip of her tongue, but how do you ask your boyfriend about if he has feelings for his best friend? 

And it’s not like he doesn’t love her just as much. He treats her to her favorite foods on rough days, gives killer massages, and looks at her like she hung the moon. 

But there’s something there. 

And she knows that there’s something there because Rhodey looks at Tony like he hung the moon and he looks so sad when he sees Tony kissing Pepper on the forehead. 

Pepper does not want to ask. But she does. Because sometimes you need to know things, and she is tired of being on the edge of anger when she sees Tony and Rhodey asleep on the couch or laughing about something they’d done while out together. 

“I do love him,” Tony says quietly. “But I won’t act on them.” 

Pepper’s hands still. 

“May I ask why?” she asks. 

“I don’t want to stop loving you in this way,” Tony responds. “I can’t stop loving you in this way. And if that means that I have to give up something then that’s...that’s okay.” 

Pepper nods. She brings Tony into a hug. 

But something’s on the edge of her mind. 

She’s not sure she’d exactly mind if Rhodey and Tony were dating. It certainly wouldn’t be traditional, but she doesn’t want to restrict him. And besides, Rhodey’s a good man, someone she’s looked at more than once. 

Tony deserves happiness. She thinks that much. 

So then it’s time to plan. Pepper’s good at plans. That’s partially why she’s CEO, and why she knows that her plans will work. 

The first plan is simple: she has to tell Rhodey. 

She tells him that she knows he loves Tony. 

“You do?” Rhodey asks. His eyes are wide, mouth open. 

“Yes,” Pepper says. “I’m not blind. But I don’t want you to stop you from loving him, or from...pursuing him. Ugh, that sounded weird. Point is, I’m not opposed to you two dating.” 

“Um, okay,” Rhodey says. 

And because both Tony and Rhodey are admittedly dense, Rhodey decides to say “thank you” and walk away to process. 

Her next plan is to tell Tony that it’s okay to date Rhodey. Because it is! 

“But I don’t want to hurt your feelings,” Tony stresses. “And I don’t want to break up.” 

“We don’t have to,” Pepper says, grinning. “I’m okay if we...three date. I wouldn’t mind it.” 

“Oh,” Tony says. “Does this mean you have a plan?” 

“You know me so well, honey.” 

The plan is simple: Tony and Pepper will invite Rhodey to the Best Dinner Ever, Tony will ask Rhodey out, and things will hopefully go okay after they communicate. 

Extensively. 

Problem is, in the middle of dinner, there’s a fire that spreads from the kitchen to tables and Rhodey’s a stupid hero and knows how to help and uses his shirt to smother the fire. 

Rhodey’s jacked. There’s no denying that. 

This throws Pepper and Tony’s plans out the window because when faced with a chest as nice as Rhodey’s, you are at a permanent loss for words and will either say nothing or something very stupidly obvious. 

“We, um,” Tony says, eyes unable to look away. 

“Look,” Pepper says, looking around at the room. “We want to date you. Like, for real.” 

“Really?” Rhodey asks, eyes wide. 

“We tried to give you a fancy dinner but then fire,” Tony squeaks out. “Also, no shirt. You look very nice.” 

“I’ll have to wear it again for our next date then,” Rhodey grins. He pulls Tony into a hug, followed by dragging Pepper in and kissing them both. “We should probably talk about this shouldn’t we?” 

“Definitely,” Tony says. “But maybe after tonight.” 

“Pep, you agree to these terms?” Rhodey asks. 

“Yes,” Pepper agrees, smirking. “After tonight.” 

- 

The three of them come down to breakfast noticeably happier, relaxed, and have an announcement for the team. 

Thor slides money to his husband. 

“Told you,” Bruce says nonchalantly. “I know what’s going on. I’m in the know.” 

“I’m going to have to inform you that I had to explain what a cheese knife was to you,” Rhodey remarks over his shoulder. 

“I was born in Ohio, we legally can’t know things,” Bruce shoots back. 

Tony snorts as he gets out the eggs and bacon. 

“Overeasy for Pep, fried for Rhodey,” he says softly. 

“Thanks babe,” Pepper says. Rhodey gives Tony a soft kiss to the forehead. 

By all means, this will probably be difficult. But Pepper thinks it’s worth it when she gets to see Tony smile as widely as possible. 

#i'm not sure how good of a job i did on this but! i like the concept #tony stark #rhodey #pepper potts #iron man #war machine #rescue #iron fam #anyways bruce is from ohio and legally? cannot know things #thorbruce #tonypeprhodey #i love them alright #also tony and pepper? MAD STUPID when it comes to a shirtless rhodey #lovelyirony writes

[not-close-to-straight]

The One Where Tony Wears Booty Shorts (Stony)

A Halloween commission for @ceealaina ft. pining!Stony and Done With It All!Bucky. (I made this extra long because I love you and because you put up with my bullshit)

THERE’S MORE STONY ON MY MASTERLIST

AND HERE’S MORE HALLOWEEN FICS!

*******************

“Hey Buck.” 

“Heya Stevie.” Bucky flashed Steve a quick smile and went back to digging through his shopping bags, pulling out the accessories he’d bought for his wolf costume. “What’s up?” 

“Oh you know.” Steve gave a sigh that seemed to come from the depths of his very soul and Bucky paused mid motion and raised his eyes to the ceiling, praying for patience from whichever deity happened to be listening. 

Steve only sighed like that when he wanted to talk about Tony and Bucky-- Bucky did not have the energy to support his best friend’s All American Pining right now. 

“Oh… you know.” Steve said again, emphasizing the words when Bucky didn’t respond. “Same as always.” 

“Lord, beer me strength.” Bucky muttered then turned with a hopefully encouraging smile. “Somethin’ you wanna talk about, bud? Anything specific on your mind?”  

“I got asked out for Halloween.” Steve complained and honestly, Steve Rogers was the only person on the planet who could make it sound like being gorgeous and constantly asked out on dates was the worst possible thing to ever happen.

The guy had spent seventy years as a red white and blue popsicle, and being asked out on a date was the worst possible thing to happen? 

Sheesh. 

“Okay, so you got asked out.” Bucky really really tried to sound interested.  “And then what?” 

 “And I said yes,” Steve moaned. “Because I’m a polite sorta guy but now--” 

“-- now you want to cancel because for some reason, you are perfectly willing to turn down a sure thing of sex to stare longingly at Tony from across the room like a creeper.” Bucky finished and Steve scowled at him. “Don’t look at me like that, Stevie. You know I’m right.” 

“I don’t stare at Tony like a creeper.” Steve defended. “It’s-- it’s longingly. I stare at him longingly.”

“So you aren’t gonna deny the thing about turning down sex, huh?” 

“...” 

“That’s what I thought.” Bucky pulled out the wolf mask and put it next to his costume. “Who asked you out?” 

“The barista down the street.” Steve flopped across Bucky’s bed and crammed his face into a pillow. “He’s so nice and he is very cute and his party sounds like a lot of fun, but won’t Tony be mad if I miss his annual Halloween bash? I mean, I should cancel the date just so I don’t hurt Tony’s feelings by ditching his party, right? That would be something a friend would do.” 

“First of all, real friends would never be mad that a friend skipped a party to get laid.” Bucky countered. “Second of all, last year Tony was so drunk on candy corn vodka he doesn’t remember anything that happened after eight pm. He’s not even going to notice you’re missing.” 

Steve made a shocked, wounded sort of noise and Bucky pinched the bridge of his nose and counted to ten. “What I meant to say is--” 

Steve lifted his head eagerly, all hopeful smiles and trusting expression and just piles boyish charm waiting to be told that his ridiculous crush wasn’t in fact absolutely the most ridiculous thing in the world and Bucky-- god Bucky just couldn’t take it anymore. 

“Actually you know what? What I meant to say is that if you don’t sack up and ask Tony out?” Bucky pointed a finger in Steve’s face. “I’m gonna ask him out and then use your bed to pound him through a mattress. Yeah that’s right. Every time you go to sleep, you’ll have to think about me dicking Tony to with in an inch of his life and how it could have been your name Tony was screaming, but you’re too much of a fraidy cat to actually tell him you like him. 

Steve’s mouth fell open so far his jaw audibly popped as it attempted not to dislocate. “BUCKY!” 

“Watch me.” Bucky threatened. “Watch me do it. Cos I am tired of this! I am tired of listening to you moan about how beautiful Tony is and how badly you want to touch his pinky or... or whatever passes for kinky for you. M’done with it. Ask him out or move the hell on.” 

“Well-- I-- you--” Steve gaped at him. “Buck, I don’t even know if Tony likes me!” 

“You walked into the room shirtless the other day and he almost creamed his pants.” Bucky said flatly, and Steve countered, “Have you seen my pecs, Bucky? Everybody likes when I’m shirtless.” 

“Oooookay.” Bucky narrowed his eyes. “Well last movie night, he saved you a spot on the comfy couch and literally kicked Sam in the ass when he tried to sit there too. Not that Sam doesn’t deserve to be kicked in the ass, but Tony did it specifically cos he wanted you to sit next to him.” 

“Well sure, but--” 

“And also-- and I can’t stress this enough-- you are a grown ass adult and Tony is a grown ass adult. Use your goddamn words and talk to the man! In fact,  go downstairs right now and take him some lunch and ask him out!. Or just kiss him! Just snatch him and kiss him!” 

Steve levelled one of those patented Glares of Disapproval at Bucky. “You can’t just snatch people when you want them, Buck. That ain’t right.”  

“Oh ho, I beg to differ.” Bucky snorted. “Snatchin’ people is the best way to let ‘em know you want ‘em. Besides, Tony is practically pocket sized. Snatch him, kiss him, put him back in his chair. He’ll get the hint.” 

“I thought you were supposed to be charming.” Steve chucked a pillow that bounced off Bucky’s chest harmlessly. “What happened to the Bucky who could get into anyone’s pants with a smile and a wink? I want advice from him, not Winter Soldier Bucky who apparently thinks kidnapping is foreplay.” 

“Kidnapping can be foreplay.” Bucky defended. “I kidnapped Tasha last week and tied her up in the bedroom and--” 

“I will throw up if you finish that sentence.”

“Nah.” Bucky shook his head. “If I didn’t throw up when you waxed poetic and stupid about how great Tony looks every time he steps out of the armor, you won’t throw up when I tell you how fuckin’ bendy Tasha is. Also, I had no idea she could undo knots with her teeth or how strong her thighs are. I mean damn, Stevie. I’m a super soldier but she still about strangled me so I would keep my mouth exactly where she want--” 

“LA LA LA LA LA LA!” Steve shouted and threw another pillow that hit Bucky like a brick. “Stop that!” 

“Alright alright alright. I’ll be serious.” Bucky batted a third projectile out of the air and took a deep breath. “Steve look. You and Tony are great together, y’know? He thinks you walk on water and the way you stare at him is-- I mean it’s not creepy. You look at him like he hung the goddamn moon and that’s pretty fuckin’ adorable. He laughs real hard when you tell your corny jokes and you sit with him in the lab when he’s tweaking out about his technology-- it’s cute, okay? And I know this isn’t--” 

He groaned as if the words physically pained him. “Steve. I know this isn’t just a crush. I know you are in love with Tony and that’s why I keep tellin’ you to go for it. You guys are pretty damn cute and fit real well together and he makes you happy, so go for it.”  

“Oh.” Steve blinked a few times. “Thanks, Buck. That actually helps a lot. Thank you.” 

“No problem, but that’s ‘bout as sentimental as I get, so don’t ever make me have this talk again.” Relieved at least that part of the conversation was over, Bucky went back to his costume. “So I got this wolf thing cos Nat was thinking about going as Little Red Riding Hood, but now I don’t thing I really wanna--” 

“Okay, but do you think Tony like likes me?” 

“Oh for fucks sake-- get out.” Bucky wrestled Steve up from the and pushed him towards the door. “Get out. I can’t take this any more. Get the fuck outta here.” 

“Bucky, wait-!” 

“OUT!” Bucky shoved Steve out into the hall and slammed the door. “Why is this my life? What did I do to deserve two life times of Steve Rogers being fuckin’ ridiculous---” 

His phone buzzed and Bucky opened the message with a scowl bordering on murderous.

From Tony: Heya Frosty. So I’m trying to plan my costume for the party but I didn’t know if Steve was coming, and I need to know before I decide on the length of my shorts.

From Bucky: ...what? What does Steve have to do with the length of your shorts?

From Tony: You know. Like if he’s not there, I’ll probably just wear pants but if he is there my shorts are going to resemble more of a thong and less of actual clothing. 

From Bucky: I’m gonna go wash my eyes with bleach. Lose my number. 

From Tony: No Bucky wait! This is a serious question! 

From Tony: BUCKY!

From Tony: Pepper refuses to give her opinion and Rhodey is screening any Steve-related calls. 

From Tony: BUCKY! HELP ME! LONG PANTS OR THONG SHORTS?!

“Hey you.” Natasha looked up in surprise when Bucky stomped his way into the common area and headed for the bar. “What are you doing, you know none of that will get you drunk. And it’s--” she checked at her phone. “--two in the afternoon. That’s early even for holiday drinking. What’s going on?” 

“Umph.” Bucky grunted and tore the top off a bottle of something very alcoholic that would hopefully fuzz the memory of Tony asking about thong shorts. “Steve and Tony.” 

“Ah.” Natasha said, as if that answered everything. “It’s tough to be the go between. I was ready to tear my hair out when Clint and Sam were working through their bullshit. Or rather, tear their hair out, I like my hair too much to ruin it because of their shenanigans.” 

Bucky sent his on again, off again girl friend a crooked smile. “I like your hair too, Tasha.” 

“Yeah you do.” she scrunched her nose and sent him a smile right back. “Wanna go work off some frustration in the gym? I’m wearing those little shorts you like so much and if you get me worked up enough, I might even let you pin me.” 

“Here we go.” Bucky hauled Tasha up and off the couch and tossed her over his shoulder, palming at her rear as he hurried towards the gym. “If you and I ever get as dumb as those two, just take me out back and put me outta my misery.” 

“Ditto, darling.” Natasha’s smile was fond enough to be pushing sappy, but Bucky couldn’t see it so she didn’t bother trying to hide. “We will never be that terrible.” 

*******************

“Heya Buck.” Tony looked up from his computer with a ready smile when Bucky knocked at the lab door a few hours later. “How’s it goin?” 

“Eh.” Bucky shrugged, working to keep a slightly goofy grin off his face. Wrestling with Natasha never failed to make him feel like he was fuckin’ flying but there was no reason for anyone else to know that. “Sorry I ignored your text earlier, I was-- actually I have no excuse. I just ignored it. So where did you land on the shorts thing?” 

“Yeah, about that.” Tony coughed, looking about fifty shades of self conscious. “I uh-- I’ve decided I was being stupid about all of it and bothering people with my nonsense. Sorry.” 

Bucky raised his eyebrows. “You decided you were being stupid? You decided it was nonsense?”

“Rhodey told me to either man up and ask Steve out or move the hell on.” Tony admitted. “And then he threatened to not only block my number but also to not come to Halloween, so uh-- yep. I’m moving the hell on.” 

“Wait, what?” Bucky exploded and Tony jumped. “Tony! You’ve been complaining to me for like three months about how Steve’s thighs make you weak inside and how you’ve never wanted to be yee-hawed by an American icon before! What do you mean you’re moving on!?”

“Oh god.” Tony blushed bright red. “I forgot about the yee hawed conversation. I would like to formally apologize for that. Also, to formally apologize for being basically crazy lately. I thought you’d be happy I’m not going to bombard you with awkward Steve-centric text messages.”

“Formal apology accepted.” Bucky waved him off. “Seriously, though. What th’fuck do you mean you’re just moving on? You and Steve--” 

“--would have been together by now if it was ever going to work.” Tony finished with a self deprecating shrug. “I feel like I’m definitely not subtle about wanting him and short of doing a song and dance and proposing to the guy, I don’t know where to go from here.”

“You certainly aren’t subtle.” Bucky agreed and Tony smiled a little. 

“No, I’m not. I mean, I kicked Sam in the ass the other night so he wouldn’t sit next to me cos I wanted Steve there instead. I’ve made so many comments about Cap’s body it’s starting to get creepy and if I invite him down to the lab any more it's gonna be weird. If Steve hasn’t gotten the hint by now, than it’s because he’s ignoring it which means he’s not interested.” 

Another of those shrugs. “It is what is it. I’ll wear pants with my costume instead of shorts and definitely not throw myself at him at the party. It’s fine.” 

“You really like him, don’t you?” Bucky asked, starting to feel maybe a little guilty about not paying better attention all the times Tony had asked for (admittedly terrible) advice. “This isn’t just about climbin’ Steve’s cornstalk and makin’ fertile?” 

Very few people in the world had heard Tony snort when he laughed, and it was a personal point of pride with Bucky that he managed to make Tony ugly snort at least once a week, so when Tony clapped a hand over his mouth and wailed in embarrassment Bucky couldn’t help laughing at him. 

“M’sorry sugar. I know you hate that.” 

“Oh no, it’s totally fine you go out of your way to make me snort.” Tony scowled. “And no, this isn’t about climbing Steve’s cornstalk and making fertile, whatever the hell that means. I really like him.” 

“Like.” Bucky hesitated. “Like you like like him?” 

“What are we, fourteen?” Tony rolled his eyes. “Yes, I like like him. In fact I think I might even be in love--” 

“Nope.” Bucky held up his hand to stop whatever Tony was going to say. He was not the one Tony should be making love confessions too, especially since Bucky knew Steve would plotz if he could hear it. “Nope, don’t tell me right now. In fact why don’t you tell me--” 

--And then Bucky got an idea. 

An awful idea. 

Bucky got a wonderful, awful idea. 

“--why don’t you tell me at the Halloween party tomorrow night.” he finished slowly. “Yeah. Yeah you should definitely tell me at the Halloween party. You should also definitely wear short shorts and not pants. We can talk in great detail about exactly how much you like Steve and how it’s definitely not just about sex and how you’re in love with him. I want to hear it all in great detail at the Halloween party.” 

“No way.” Tony went back to working. “I am absolutely not pouring out my heart in the middle of a party while I’m drunk on whatever Halloween themed mixed drink Clint comes up with. Knowing me, I’ll end up shouting bullshit across the room and Steve will hear and I’ll never live that down.” 

“Okay hear me out.” Bucky counted off on his fingers. “First, maybe you don’t get blind drunk on that neon toxic shit Clint makes. And second? Um. Steve isn’t coming to the party. He has a date with that barista down the way. So you’re fine. Third, we could always stand close enough that you aren’t shouting bullshit. Just a thought?”

“Seriously?” It was tough to tell if Tony was upset Steve had a date or relieved he wouldn’t have to worry about making a fool of himself. “He’s not coming? He has a date?” 

“It’s not a serious date.” Bucky was quick to assure him. “Just something casual. He got invited to a party and didn’t want to be rude and turn it down. But I’m just sayin’. He won’t be there for you to worry about. You’ll be able to relax and have a good time and then we can talk all about how much you definitely are into Steve.” 

“Um.” Tony frowned. “You seem a little amped to talk about how bad I wanna date your best friend.” 

“Nonsense!” Bucky said far too loudly. “I’m only trying to be a good friend! This isn’t suspicious at all!”

“...okay.” 

“I’ll be in the wolf costume.” Bucky said pointedly. “Wolf costume. Full mask, furry thing on my head. My arm will be covered cos it came with sleeves and cool gloves. Wolf costume. Find me.”

“Wolf costume.” Tony chuckled at Bucky’s over excitement. “Is Tasha Little Red Riding Hood?” 

“Yeah, she sure is.” Bucky made a mental note to inform his sort-of girlfriend about his...change of plans… “Wolf costume. Don’t forget. I want to hear all about it. All about it. So many details.” 

“Uh….” Tony still looked fairly confused when Bucky turned on his heel and dashed out of the lab, but he shrugged it off. 

He’d probably act weird if he got to wrestle with Natasha too. 

****************

“Steve!” Bucky blew into Steve’s room holding his wolf costume, banding the door against the wall and effectively scaring the other super soldier half to death. 

“Jesus, Bucky!” Steve yelped and scrambled to keep his towel up around his hips. “Learn to knock! I could’a been nekkid!” 

“I’ve seen you nekkid before and it’s nothing special.” Bucky scoffed and shoved the costume into Steve’s arms. “You should skip out on the date with the barista and go to Tony’s party instead and you should wear my costume. All of it. Full mask, gloves, sleeves, all of it. Wear it, you’ll look great.” 

“Wait.” Steve looked down at the costume and up at Bucky in confusion. “I don’t understand.” 

“That’s okay, you’re pretty and that’s all that matters.”

“Thanks, I think. But seriously--” 

“Seriously.” Bucky had put all of thirty seconds of thought into his plan and now had to scramble to come up with a valid reason why Steve should wear his costume. “It’s um-- well shit, it’s just too tight around my dick, Stevie. Doesn’t fit. I can’t return it and it seems like a shame to waste. So you wear it.” 

“It's too tight around your dick.” Steve repeated and Bucky spread his hands helplessly. “I’m bigger than you are, Buck.” 

“Alright there’s no reason to just outright lie about things now.” Bucky chuckled. “It’s too small on me, you should try it on and wear it. Ditch the date because the barista won’t want to listen to you talk about Tony all night and you know that’s what you’re gonna do.”

“But--” 

“It has a full mask so you can stare like a creeper and Tony will never know.” he persisted, and Steve argued, “It’s longing, Bucky! I stare at him with longing!” 

“Whatever. Wear the costume, come to the party.” 

“...fine.” Steve said reluctantly. “But--” 

“WEAR THE COSTUME AND COME TO THE PARTY STEVE!” 

**************

**************

The Halloween party was in full swing by the time Bucky snuck down from his bedroom and posted up in a nearly hidden corner on the far side of the common area. He might not be the Winter Soldier anymore but he knew a thing or two about being invisible and being able to watch while not being watched and he put all of those skills to use as he blended into the shadows and behind a full curtain. 

Tony had gone all out with decorations this year and the extravagance certainly helped Bucky’s covert operation. It was much easier to hide when Tony had literally swapped out their usual furniture for all black couches and chairs, had plastered the windows with black paint that reflected like stars and dimmed the lights to something gothic and fairly creepy. 

Bucky was invisible, unseen but all seeing, a shadow darker than the rest as he lurked just beyond--

“Bucky.” 

Bucky jumped at least a foot and almost knocked over a black shaded lamp as he scrambled to right himself, whirling around to glare at whoever had intruded on his space. 

“Natasha.” Of course it was Natasha, there wasn’t a person alive that could snake up on the Winter Soldier except the Black Widow and really, that was just fine with Bucky. Especially when the Black Widow was dressed like the sexiest Little Red Riding Hood he had ever seen in his life.

“Natasha.” he repeated, less irritated and more lusty this time around. “Wow.” 

“Don’t even look at me.” Natasha ordered and out of pure habit, Bucky’s head snapped up and around so he wasn’t looked at her. “You and I have a problem, darling.” 

“Not from where I’m standing.” Bucky denied, sneaking a look down the top of Natasha’s blouse. “You look amazin’, Tash. Who knew I was into fairy tale dames? You need a walk to Grandma’s house, baby doll?” 

Natasha’s full lips twitched like she wanted to smile, but her green eyes still flashed in annoyance. “I’m wearing the worlds most ridiculous costume because you told me you would wear an equally ridiculous costume. Why is it I’m parading around looking like a stripper at Disneyland and you are wearing normal clothes? And while we’re at it, why is Steve is the wolf?” 

“Steve's here?” Bucky craned his neck to see if he could spot a giant wolf among the party goers. “Ho ho ho my god he actually showed up! This is going to be amazing.” 

“Yes, he showed up.” Natasha raised a highly irritated eyebrow. “And since I assumed you were the one in the costume, I went up and did something extremely embarrassing and now I’ll never be able to look Steve in the eye again.” 

“Wait.” Bucky frowned. “You went up and did something embarrassing to Steve? What did you do? What’d you say? Not t’sound jealous or nothin’ but I figured you could tell it wasn’t me in there.” 

“I figured you would tell me you changed your mind!” 

“... yeah, that’s fair.” Bucky cleared his throat and offered an apologetic smile. Somehow in his glee over his wonderful awful idea, letting Nat know about the switch up had completely slipped his mind. “Real sorry about that, Tasha. I meant to tell you.” 

“You know what, it’s fine.” Natasha’s smile finally won out. “I know every inch of you and it was immediately obvious it’s not you in that hairy thing. I went up and slapped Steve on his butt and told him that doing more squats would keep his tail perky.” 

“Oh yeah?” Bucky made a show of checking his own butt and Natasha rolled her eyes. “You know every inch of me, huh? So what was the giveaway that it's Stevie in there and not me/” 

“The pants don’t fit right.” Natasha made a vague but purposeful gesture around the front of her costume. “He’s not as big as you and it was a little baggy where it shouldn’t have been baggy.” 

Bucky burst out laughing and clapped a hand over his mouth to muffle it. “Damn Tasha, you sure know how to make a fella feel good about himself.” 

“Mm-hmm, and that’s why you love me, right?” Natasha winked. “Cos I could pick your package out of a crowd?” 

Bucky winked right back and drawled, “That’s just one reason why I love you, baby. Just one in a whole damn list.” 

Natasha opened her mouth like she was going to say something else, something that made her nervous judging by the way she bit at her lip, but just then the semi spooky music cut out over the loudspeakers and was replaced by a rather rock and roll version of Thriller. 

The ceiling of the common area opened up across several panels treating everyone to a blast of cold night air, a shot of the beautifully starred night sky, and the incoming blur that was the Iron Man suit. 

Everyone in the room started cheering, the music cranked up louder and even Natasha couldn’t help clapping as Tony came blasting through the rooftop and slammed into the ground in that classic pose--

--an popped out of his suit looking fresh as a daisy, clad in nothing more than an Ironette Dancers uniform. 

Bucky’s grin stretched to something approaching manic. 

Steve was so fucked. 

Tonight would be awesome. 

*****************

There was nothing Tony loved more than making a grand entrance and since Halloween parties required the grandest of entrances, he thoroughly enjoyed stepping out of his suit to screams and cheers and loud loud whistles when everyone saw the Ironette costume. 

Yeah. I look amazing. 

The boots were the most uncomfortable things Tony had ever worn, followed closely by the sheer stockings that were giving him the wedgie to end all wedgies but god damn did his legs look great, and that was all that really mattered. 

….well, that and checking around to see if Steve had ditched his date and come to the party at the last minute. 

Tony moved through the party shaking hands and shaking butts up against various friends, laughing at the whoops and hollers in his direction and posing for about a million different pictures. The entire time he didn’t stop scanning the crowd, looking for a pair of ridiculously beautiful blue eyes and the sort of arms that did things to his already compromised heart. 

Every Halloween party previous, Steve had objected and protested and all but thrown a fit when it came to wearing a costume, but even if Mr. America had capitulated tonight and dressed up, Tony was pretty sure he’d be able to identify Steve in a dark room with a blind fold on and while wearing winter gloves. 

Not that he was obsessed or anything. 

Nah, that wasn’t obsessed, right?

“Tony!” A oiled up and loincloth wearing Sam butted into Tony’s thoughts and into his space, wrapping an around around his waist and hauling him up into a hug. “How did you know I wanted to see you in a bra and booty shorts? It’s like a Halloween miracle!” 

“Don’t look so surprised, I think we’ve established I favor almost-nudity over regular clothing any day.” Tony leaned in and sniffed at Sam’s breath. “And you...have been drinking Sour Green Apple jello shots? Is that how Clint got you into a loincloth?” 

“Clint got me into a loincloth by saying he’d love to swing from my vine.” Sam said flatly and Tony’s laugh was equal parts horrified and hysterical. “And as far as jello shots, Clint’s got a tray somewhere somewhere---” Sam caught his boyfriend’s arm and dragged him over, plucking two of the shots off the plate and pushing them into Tony’s palm. “Start with these and we will get you more.” 

“Hey hey good lookin.” Clint waggled his eyebrows and looked Tony over with a jello-shot enhanced leer. “Whatcha got cookin’? I am loving this almost nipply look from you, Tony. Why don’t you do a high kick and we’ll see if everything stays in those shorts?” 

“I’m not drunk enough for your terrible come ons or for what passes as witty banter.” Tony informed the archer, tossing back the alcohol and grimacing over the sweetly sour aftertaste. “But give me another six of these and we’ll be fine. I might even high kick in the corner while you swing from Sam’s vine later tonight.” 

“WHAT!?” Sam snatched the tray right out of Clint’s hands and shoved the entire thing at Tony. “Drink man, drink! Right now! Clint, get another tray!” 

“Chug chug chug chug!” Clint shouted and Tony pounded one and then two more of the neon colored gelatin. “MORE MORE MO--” 

“That’s quite enough of that.” Pepper Potts had no business looking so sultry as Poison Ivy, but her sudden appearance and costume of strategically placed leaves sure managed to shut the three men up. “Tony! Nice costume, we are seeing quite a bit more of you than expected tonight.” 

“I was gonna say the same thing about you, Ms. Potts.” Sam’s eyebrows were near to climbing off his head. “Can I also say, I have always been an avid gardener and would very much appreciate the chance to water your--” 

“Stop!” Pepper laughed and pushed Sam away. “I thought you and Clint were in love, how is that you both are trying to get every person at this party in bed?” 

“It’s the jello-shots, Pep.” Tony said solemnly, and passed her one. “Bottoms up.”

“Bottoms up.” she agreed, then hooked her arm through Tony’s and dragged him away from Sam and Clint’s wildly inappropriate influence. “You texted me something half hysterical about confessing your feelings to Steve tonight. Let me guess, you thought the Ironette costume was a good way to break the ice?” 

“Not to Steve.” Tony finished his last jello shot and tossed the container away. “Gotta talk to Bucky about it first. He finally realized when I say I’d like to ride Steve into the floor, I mean it in a cherishing sort of way. He said he wanted to hear how I felt about our resident Captain and that seems right, you know? Get permission from the best friend before taking someone on a date?” 

“Could I offer a little advice?” Pepper adjusted a leaf before it slipped a little further south than intended. “Maybe you leave out the sex references when you ask Bucky how he feels about you pursuing this thing with Steve. And by the way, the fact that Bucky wants to talk about it means he probably approves.” 

“I guess we’ll find out.” Tony spotted the wolf costume posted up by a column and staring his way so he raised his hand in a quick wave. “Wish me luck?” 

“You’ll be fine so long as you swear not to take advice from Clint or Sam.” Pepper kissed Tony’s cheek then wiped the smear of lip gloss off. “Go on. If you disappear from the party, I’ll assume Bucky gave you permission and you’re off doing unspeakable things to Captain Rogers.” 

“Steve isn’t here tonight.” Tony snatched a glass of something bright purple and bubbling off a passing tray and gulped it down. “So I won’t talk to him until tomorrow. But if you don’t see us for the next forty eight hours, feel free to assume all sorts of dirty things.”

“Charming.” Pepper huffed. “Just go on and get to your love confession already.” 

“Wish me luck!” Tony blew her a kiss. “If Rhodey shows up, tell him to find me!” 

Pepepr shouted something over the noise that Tony didn’t catch, but he wasn’t too worried about it. He was buzzing already, the jello shots going right to his head along with the driving beat and flashing lights and the cloying scent of too many mingled perfumes. 

Halloween was so much fun and it was sort of the perfect night to put feelings into words. He could talk to Bucky tonight, talk to Steve tomorrow and theoretically start the holiday season with a hot blonde boyfriend and honestly isn’t that what everyone wanted for Christmas? 

Ho ho holy crap was Bucky big in that costume, big and sort of scary with the full mask and clawed fingers and the getting drunk and horny part of Tony’s brain definitely loved the way the super soldier’s thighs strained at the black pants. 

God he needed laid. If things didn’t work out with Steve, maybe he really would take Sam and Clint up on the whole vine swinging thing. 

“Hey!” Tony waved at the Bucky wolf and stepped right into the big soldiers space so he didn’t have to shout so loud. “That costume is amazing! Where did you find it?” 

The answer was garbled behind the mask and Tony shook his head, waving off whatever Bucky was going to say. 

“Actually, I don’t care all that much, sorry. I’ve been thinking all day about what I wanted to say tonight, and I’ve already had a bunch of alcohol that should kick in here in about fifteen minutes and put me on my ass, so just listen alright?” 

Tony took a deep breath, adjusted the straps of his Ironette bra top and blurted it out all at once. 

“It’s not just sex! I don’t just want sex with Steve! I’m pretty sure I’d make that guy breakfast every day for the rest of my life just so he’d smile at me in the morning. And yeah he’s gorgeous but he’s also the nicest person I know. Even when he’s being a Yankee Doodle Dumbass, he’s still so damn nice it makes me feel like a terrible person daily.” 

Bucky held up a hand paw and Tony batted it away. “No let me finish before I lose my nerve. Steve is nothing like what I expected from all the stories and he’s so much better than I ever imagined and I think my favorite days are the ones he spends in the lab with me. I end up talking too much and he probably thinks I’m crazy but he still comes down every day with a sandwich or a drink and I’m pretty sure I love him for it.” 

“Tony--” 

“I’m pretty sure I love him.” Tony repeated, his eyes wide as he realized the enormity and the truth of the words all at once. “I do. Yeah, I definitely love Steve and it’s killing me that he went out on a date tonight because that just confirms he doesn’t notice or doesn’t care about all the hints I’ve been laying out, but if I have your permission--” 

“Tony!” 

“Buck, please just let me say this.” Tony snagged another something alcoholic, this one in a jaw dropping shade of shocking orange, and pounded that as well, wiping at his lips before almost yelling, “If I have your permission to date your best friend, I think I’m like four dates from marrying him!” 

Wolf Bucky was very silent and very still and Tony chewed at the inside of his cheek nervously, then tugged his booty shorts down a little bit further and offered a rueful, “You’d probably be able to take me seriously if I wasn’t wearing Iron Man lingerie, huh?” 

And then Bucky straightened up a full two inches taller than he was supposed to and just as Tony’s heart was starting to sink because he only knew one person who was that tall...

....the mask came off and he found himself staring into a pair of familiar blue eyes....

...and Tony’s heart plummeted to the bottom of his knee high, stiletto heeled gold and red boots. 

“Tony?” Steve asked slowly, carefully, and Tony shut his eyes because no no no no NO and then opened up into a wide grin and finger guns and announced, “I thought Bucky’s ass looked surprisingly peach like in those pants. Dead give away, I should have known it was you.” 

“Tony--” Steve said a little helplessly, but Tony just turned on his heel and walked away, cutting through the party and ignoring any cat calls and offers of more alcohol as he made a beeline for the door. 

“Oh my god, what the fuck….” Steve stripped off the wolf gloves and dragged his fingers through his hair. “What the fuck just happened--” 

“Hey.” Bucky clapped a big hand on Steve’s shoulder as he came up behind him. “So how was that?” 

“Buck-- Tony-- What-- How--” 

“Look, you have two options here.” Bucky said firmly. “Option A, you go after Tony. Option B,  I go after Tony.” 

“You go after Tony?” Steve repeated numbly and Bucky made a vulgar, explicit motion with his hips and promised, “Your bed, Steve. I swear I’ll do it.” 

“No. No. Nope.” Steve shook his head. “Nope. I’m going after him right now. You stay the hell away.” 

“Get along little doggie.” Bucky gave Steve a sharp swat on the butt as he passed. “Go get Slutty Iron Man.” 

Steve all but ran out the same door Tony had gone through and Bucky grinned to himself, picking up a bowl of candy corn from the nearby snack table and shoveling big handfuls into his mouth. 

“You planned that, didn’t you?” Natasha popped up at Bucky’s elbow and he swore out loud, spilling candy corn all over the floor when he startled. “At ease, soldier. I don’t know if it’s worrisome you never hear me coming or if it’s sweet you trust me so much I don’t set off any danger alarms for the Winter Soldier.” 

“Let’s go with sweet.” Bucky traded the bowl of candy for Natasha’s hand, picking it up and kissing her knuckles. “And I didn’t plan anything.” 

“No?” she challenged. “You didn’t give convince Tony that Steve was on a date while goading him into spilling his heart about Steve, and then convince Steve to cancel the date while pressuring him into wearing your costume?”

“Costume was too small for my dick.” Bucky grumbled. “Plus, it was pissin’ me off they both talked to me about each other, but never actually talked to each other. I heard so much of their bitchin’, I couldn’t even get you naked without hearing their voices.” 

Natasha muffled a laugh and Bucky squeezed at her hand. “Not that it stopped me from wantin’ to see you naked though. No worries there.” 

“I adore you.” Natasha clutched at Bucky’s shirt and yanked him down for a long kiss. “Let’s go get me drunk.” 

“Yep.” Bucky was very in favor of that idea. “Yep, lets get you drunk.” 

***************

“Tony.” Steve had to jog to catch up with Tony, and it was probably only the four inch heels on Tony’s ridiculous boots that kept the brunette from breaking into an all out sprint to get away from the Captain. “Tony wait-- honey just wait a second--” 

“Steve, I really don’t want to talk to you right now.” In another moment it would have been hysterical how much Tony’s butt wiggled as he hurried up the stairs, and in another moment Steve would have stopped to ogle the hint off cheek he could see under the tight red shorts. 

But in this moment, all Steve could think about was getting Tony to stop and listen, so he huffed a breath and took the last several steps three at a time until he was right behind his favorite genius. 

“Tony.” he grabbed at Tony’s hand --gently gently because the last thing he wanted to do was accidentally leave bruises when he’d much rather be leaving kisses-- and tugged him to a stop. “Please just listen--” 

“I don’t want to--” 

It was an accident, a happy accident as they say, but still an accident. 

Tony tried to yank away and Steve reflexively tightened his grip and pulled. Tony was already off balance thanks to the heeled boots and Steve was overly strong even when he was being careful. 

It was an accident, and Steve didn’t mean to yank Tony right up into his body but suddenly they were there pressed together and Steve did the only thing he could ever imagine doing all those times he’d thought about Tony falling into his arms. 

Steve kissed him. 

And oh oh oh Tony kissed him back. 

“Tony.” Steve sighed, moaned, wrapped his arms around Tony’s waist and crushed their mouths together and Tony made the sort of high pitched, desperate noise he would later deny to his dying breath and kissed him back. 

“Yesyesyes.” Steve drove them backwards into the closest wall, a careful hand at the back of Tony’s head so he wouldn’t bump too hard, his other hand grasping at Tony’s waist, sliding over the silk-satin hem of shorty shorts and then further down to palm over the frankly ridiculous rise and curve of Tony’s rear. “Tony, oh my god--”

Tony hooked his fingers into the fur at Steve’s collar and ripped him closer, arching his back to push his butt further into Steve’s hand and dragging his teeth at Steve’s bottom lip. In his boots Tony was only a few inches shorter than the Captain and he used the added height to his advantage, hooking his foot around Steve’s calf and shoving their hips together. 

Oh fuck there was that All American muscle, that Grade A home grown beef, definitely eight and maybe hopefully possibly nine inches of--

“Do you know you’re saying all that out loud?” Steve pulled away, eyes bright and cheeks flushed. “Because that’s weird.” 

“It’s not weird.” Tony denied and coaxed Steve back, rubbing purposefully against the bulge growing thicker by the second behind the zippered fly. “Not when I’ve been dreaming about you for months now.” 

“Dreaming about me….” Steve’s next kiss was almost sweet, almost tender despite the way he fit his thigh between Tony’s knees and urged him to move, shifting him back and forth until Tony was outright grinding down against him and whimpering into Steve’s mouth. 

“Fuck you’re gorgeous.” Steve buried his fingers into Tony’s hair to disrupt the perfect style, tugging at the strands and licking the sweetness from Tony’s mouth. “Tony you are so--so--” Steve’s entire frame shuddered when Tony tipped his head so their foreheads met, their noses barely bumping. 

“Listen.” Loathe to pull away even far enough to meet Tony’s eyes, Steve hovered just above Tony’s lips as he whispered. “Listen, listen listen. Tony. You are-- you are incredible. And I don’t want sex with you.” 

“What--?!”

“No no.” Steve shook his head in embarrassment. “No I mean, I don’t just want sex with you. I do want to do-- to do that sort of thing. But not just that sort of thing. My god, I’m bad at this--” 

“You’re better than you think you are.” Tony inched even closer. “Don’t stop talking.” 

“Okay.” Steve licked his lips, still close to enough to Tony to end up running his tongue along Tony’s lip as well and they both moaned into a soft kiss. “Okay. I want more than to just sleep with you. Wanna wake up in the morning and make you coffee, and I want to do that whether you make me breakfast or not. And you’re beautiful and so so sweet. I can’t believe I ever thought you were selfish and self centered, what the fuck was I thinking?” 

“Language.” Tony teased and Steve kissed him just to shut him up-- and because he would never get enough of Tony’s mouth on his own. 

“You make me want to be a better person, Tony.” Steve was almost whispering now. “A better Captain America, a better me. My favorite moments are when you let me into the lab, that’s like your sanctuary and you trust me in it and that’s amazing. I don’t ever understand half of what you’re talking about and I have no idea what quantum supremacy is or how the hell your nano tech works but I want you to talk about it all the time because you are so gorgeous when you talk about your science. I don’t understand it but I understand how happy it makes you and that's all I care about.” 

“Oh holy shit, you are good at this.” Tony choked out a laugh that was almost a sob and Steve gathered him up tighter until there wasn’t even an inch between their bodies and they were sharing each inhale of air. 

“Sweetheart, I would cancel a thousand dates just to watch you laugh.” Steve murmured. “And if you’re only four dates from marrying me, I’m only two from proposing, I swear to God I am Tony. Let me take you out on a date and I’ll prove it.” 

Tony was quiet, stunned speechless with his heart pounding and maybe tears in his eyes and when Steve asked, “Is that-- is that alright to say?” Tony managed a faintly sassy, “It’s the Ironette costume, isn’t it? You just can’t resist it?” 

“It’s you, Tony.” Steve said firmly, and then with a smile bordering on lecherous as he groped at the booty shorts and down to the sheer nylon. “But the outfit helps.” 

“...can I tell you I love you?” Tony asked shyly, and Steve returned just as shyly, “Only if I can say it first.” 

*****************

Natasha was very very drunk, drunk enough that when Bucky dragged her away from the party and hurried her up the hallway to the bedroom she announced, “Soldier if you want me moving faster, you’re just gonna to have to carry me.” 

“With pleasure.” Bucky swooped up the giggling red head like she didn’t weigh a damn thing. “Your room or mine, baby doll?”

“Yours.” Natasha decided, hooking her arms around Bucky’s neck and tugging him in for a kiss. “I feel extra safe and warm in your bed. Sometimes I don’t ever want to leave.” 

“Oh.” Bucky sighed a little and kissed her so so softly, knowing full well Natasha was only this open because she was drunk and in the morning they would be back to their usual, carefully worded interactions. He loved it anyway, loved when Natasha was pliant and sweet and forgot to be careful with what she said. 

“That makes me real happy.” he whispered and Natasha scrunched up her nose and kissed him again. “C’mon love, I’ll take you to my bed.” 

“What do you think happened to Tony and Steve?” she wanted to know as Bucky carried her up the stairs. “Do you think everything worked out? I bet they are doing the deed right now.” 

Natasha’s green eyes lit up and she grinned, silly and tipsy. “I bet they are doing the horizontal monster mash as we speak!” 

“Fuck me you’re cute when you’re drinking. But as far as whether or not Steve and Tony are doing any sort of horizontal mash--” Bucky sidestepped a discarded Ironette boot, then dodged what looked like the remains of sheer stockings and half a butt cheek from tiny gold and red shorts. 

“You know what? I think I don’t want to know. I know it’s supposed to be a scary night but some things--” there was the Ironette bra flung over a plant. 

“--yeah, some things are just--” the wolf pants with the zipper literally ripped off. 

“--oh my god. Yeah, that’s too horrifying to think about. Happy Halloween, let’s never talk about Steve and Tony together ever again.” 

****************

SAY SOMETHING ABOUT THE FIC!

SUPPORT YOUR LOCAL AUTHOR!

****************

@ships-galore @ceealaina @izziebladez @grimmkitty06 @cwar1864 @hausoffro @lookuplaughing @tonystarkisanangel @multishippinglife @girlnic @iam93percentstardust @water-colouredmemories @paranormalmoonlight5 @igotloki @moosette05 @wayward-student-philosopher @kaz-brekkers-gloves @atomicfandombomb

#ncts fics #stony #steve rogers #tony stark #winterwidow #bucky barnes #natasha romanoff #falconhawk #sam wilson #clint barton #halloween