#and a lot of my classmates don't get the idea of thought processes which aren't fully in words

[foster-the-world]

Why do I get my hopes up

Remember how I thought they found a special ed provider? Well I was wrong. I signed the authorization form but now there is no start date. Lots of emails, phone calls, no response except "I emailed and haven't heard from them."

Now I have to do the due process hearing tomorrow. I'm glad I had the foresight not to cancel. But I would have prepared a great deal more. Dreading every second of it. Taking unpaid leave off work since I haven't earned leave, yet. Which adds insult to injury.

Also, baby boy had a big outburst yesterday. Knocking over chairs, not listening, etc. He's high energy but this is not normal. He's been doing well in school. Had his parent teacher conference last week- nothing like that mentioned at all. All good reports on his benchmarks - letters, etc. Teacher said "she loved him." A week back she told my husband intelligence wise he's "#1 in the class." Probably not appropriate to say but not bad to hear. Last night we made a big deal out of his bad behavior. Not much we can do but talk to him but we talked a lot. Today we got our first call home about the same bad behavior. He was climbing on the book shelf, running out of the class, threw a milk bottle down. He hasn't done this all year. Nothing at all has changed at home. It's daylight savings time but he still got his normal 12 hours of sleep last night. At a loss for what to do. I told the teacher I could come get him but I'm afraid it would make him do it again. He likes school but his preference is always to be with me. She said they didn't want that. Tonight we tried not mentioning the bad behavior at all. We are wondering if making a big deal out of it somehow perversely makes him do it again. Talking about it certainly didn't help. Not saying its a good idea we just don't know what else to do. He was an angel at home and the playground. Sharing his toys, making new friends, etc, etc.

Emailed the school assistant principal, counselor, teacher, etc. Said we would love to work together to come up with a solution. Cc'd the special ed lady who is supposed to find him providers. Explained in the email they haven't found him providers and hoped that she would provide insight. No response so far. Blah.

If he keeps acting like that at school we will have to pull him out. Its a public school so they can't kick him out (or at least not easily) but we aren't going to let him make his teachers/classmates miserable. They deserve a safe, calm classroom. I guess we would try to find a daytime sitter. We have a few options.

Before that we are thinking we will pay the crazy, insane amount of money for a special ed provider out of pocket if the hearing does not go our way tomorrow. Ten hours per week will cost roughly the same as my take home pay as a full-time nurse. We had talked about paying for four hours - which was more manageable in our budget. But with this kind of behavior that won't be enough. In theory, it will only be for three months.

If I had a really stressful job I would be considering giving it up, if this behavior continues. It seems like a full time job trying to get these services and he could stay home with me until we figure it out. Financially, we could afford for me to stay home another yearish based off the money we made selling our home. However, this job will eventually be a really good job as a parent. There will always be time for me to do some family logistic stuff during the day. At some point I can work from home two days a week. Once sick leave/PTO kicks in I'll have a lot. FMLA benefits are generous. I have a union. In the long run I'm sure I could negotiate time off to figure out his needs if it so requires. Its just a shitty time for all of this to be going down because I only started six weeks ago. Not to mention I want to work. I went to nursing school for a reason. So far, I really like the work. I started trying to get him services last May. How in the world does he still only have a half hour out of the 13 hours he is assigned? Its all so depressing.

[okamikami1996]

Chapter Two- Disabilities and School

When I was in elementary school I was diagnosed with four disabilities: dyslexia, bipolar disorder, auditory processing disorder (APD), and ADD. Much of my elementary school years included going constantly to the hospital, clinic, doctor, specialist, to figure out what was wrong with me. As a child in a time where disabilities were not as accepted as they are now in the US, it was a huge blow to my ego. Every time I went to the doctor, it was further proof that there was something wrong with me. Why do we go to the doctor? Because we don't feel well, why don't we feel well, because something isn't right. This train of thought leads to the obvious for a child who doesn't understand the conversations between doctors and my parents-- conversations that happen regardless if I'm in the room or not. None of the facial expressions were any help to my crumbling reflection of myself. Mind you, I was a child who still didn't quite understand the concept of death very well. So when a doctors asks a child who does not understand the concept well if there was anyone I wanted dead, my natural answer was the school bully. He would no longer bully me, harass me, say horrible things to me, make fun of me, and the teachers wouldn't just shrug it off with the typical: "He's just bullying you because he likes you." nonsense! I shudder at that memory now. The idea that I could have said something so horrible is frightening, but also makes my point: how is a kid who doesn't quite understand the severity of death- of how final it is- truly understand what a disability is?

Truth is: I didn't. I just knew it wasn't good. Lots of things aren't "good". It isn't "good" to fart inside a car with other people. It isn't "good" to drop your lunch. It isn't "good" when you loose your way. All of these things aren't horrible though, and aren't things you keep a secret. So obviously, the child that I was at the time, thought it might be smart to tell my friends (who are equally oblivious to what a disability really is) that I am taking drugs ("medicine", I know, but at the time I didn't understand the difference between those either). Within a week, I think neighboring classes knew about it. I had been called retard in my elementary school years a lot. I still have no idea if it's related, but who knows. Some of my classmates treated me differently. Boys were relentless in their bullying. It felt like the more upscale girls who used to at least be pleasant towards me, stepped away. Now, this is all in 2nd and 3rd grade. The clinic and hospital visits dwindled a lot by the time I was in 4th grade. 4th grade. Yes, that was a fun year. Mind you, the law states that kids with disabilities should get help and be offered the assistance and help they need. It also existed when I was in 4th grade. I did not receive mine back then.

APD. Auditory processing disorder. You know it's funny; I had no idea it was auditory processing disorder until reading an article recently. Back then, I thought it was auditory processing system disorder. That right there is part of the disorder. APD is when one of your ears is slower in relaying the information that sound waves deliver to our brain. One side will hear at the normal pace, while the other will process at a slower speed, creating an echo of sorts. For the longest time, I thought the phrase "I stand corrected" was "hy-stand corrected". Had no idea which one was correct until my second year of middle school. The funny thing is that I had read that same phrase constantly in books and novels-- I was an avid reader-- but still couldn't figure it out. Problem was that I had little ego to trust myself emotionally, mentally, or physically. Opening my mouth to speak was and still is terrifying. What word will I mispronounce? What will I not hear? How far off is the common phrase that I could have heard wrong? And what will the people around me think? Unfortunately, that just made me babble.

In 4th grade, I was given a special headset that was paired with a separate microphone. The teacher would wear the microphone and I would wear the headset. Almost like a walkie talkie or some sort of toy; needless to say I was already excited that I was going to be able to hear like everyone else in school, the fact that it almost seemed like a toy was an added bonus. The first time we tried to use it, the teacher could not figure it out. It didn't seem to turn on. The second time the two didn't connect together. The fifth time it just took too long to set up. The twentieth time it was too hard to even take it out of the basket on time. All of these were excuses that I got from my 4th grade teacher. Ones that I parroted back to my mom, and got the brunt of the blame. I know now that my 4th grade teacher was not "nice". Would a nice adult who was on your side leave a child to suffer in a class that they could not keep up in because the adult could not be bothered to use the headset? No. I know that now. We gave up quickly trying to get the school to accommodate me in 5th grade. At the time, we had no idea what the law said or how far we were able to go in getting our needs met. 5th grade was not much better. Again, I thought my 5th grade teacher was super, and did EVERYTHING to get him to accept me, to like me, and to just feel like a part of the classroom. I was met with a lot of cold attitude from him. He had his favorites. I think one of the only times he really seemed to like something I did enough to compliment it was when we were allowed to write fiction stories. I wrote "Mr. Martin and the 7 Dwarfs". He was laughing so hard he was banging on the desk.

APD in the classroom was utter hell. There was this one incident where Mr. Martin had told all of us to put our heads on our desk and wait for a surprise. I did as I was told. I had my head down on my desk for ten minutes or so. It was weird, I was wondering what he was talking about those ten minutes. I kept my head down, afraid of being scolded by him if I didn't follow directions.

"Why do you have your head on the desk?" he didn't sound happy that I followed his directions. I lifted my head gingerly, and tilted my head, confused. Why was he angry when I had followed his directions.

"You told us to put our heads down and wait for a surprise." I wonder what my face looked like that day, as my classmates all laughed at me, and instead of telling them not to laugh at me or repeating whatever directions I misheard, or really just kindly redirecting me, I was scolded? Not fun.

APD was bad enough, but you throw in dyslexia and the 2s that looked like 5s (that I sometimes still get mixed up if I'm not careful) and the 6s that looked like 9s or the 1s and 7s that seemed to confuse themselves and combine it with math that now took multiple steps to solve, you get wrong answers and a kid with an even lower ego that wonders why she can't get the answers right like the other kids. As if that wasn't bad enough, you take an adult man with a lot of sarcasm and combine it with a completely oblivious, literal little girl and you get a student who wasn't well liked by her teacher. Put in ADD and stew it in increasing depression, it ends in a kid whose ego has been all but shot to hell. Guess what? It could only get worse.

#elementary school #failure #autobiography

[katsuki-goodness]

<= Part 4 =>

Summary: If he wanted to come, he could have.

Tagged: @todosweetheart @afuckingunicornn

A/N: It's been a while since I wrote anything so I'm sorry for the inconsistencies. I made sure to look over it so I am hoping everything is okay lol Also, Val, I had forgotten you changed your name XD But I hope you enjoy this regardless. My writing isn't what it use to be but I only write when I feel in the mood so I hope you both enjoy this, and everyone else too~

"She is bruising up! She is losing too much blood! Y/n! Please!"

"Deku...!" Izuku stood up in front of his classmates, looking out to the stadium below where your body was lying motionless for everyone to see. You had not been hit by Todoroki regardless if that was the intention. He was trying to win and you had the same excuse, but you pushed yourself. You couldn't get a single scratch on him until he had assumed that he won. You were able to put him in the ground but he rolled away in time before you had the chance to smash him into the rocky floor. Your body began to wear out, your arms were giving up as they began to loosen upon you and that's when you began feeling wet. Something felt weird but it wasn't the water of any sort that was covering your arms, but the blood that was forming inside your arms. They began to bruise but you didn't think much of it and used your quirk to attack him again.

It took just a few seconds for you to feel the sharp pain, making you fall over and whale in pain. You had pushed yourself so hard that it popped some blood vessels and tore a ligament in your shoulder. Todoroki looked panicked but he didn't know what to do. Izuku quickly screamed out in fear, calling your name as the teachers stopped the match. Katsuki stood up from his seat, his eyes in utter shock. This couldn't be happening to me is what he thought, and his anger took over more and more until he jumped down to the lower levels to get to you. You were picked up and getting ready to be taken away but he caught up, his eyes angry, watering as if he felt like he was going to lose you.

"You damn idiot! Why the hell would you push yourself so hard, huh?!" His voice cracking but he continued to keep his anger to topple his worry and sadness.

"Bakugou, please, go back to your seat," Nightmare had asked which got ignored by the blonde.

"Were you trying to prove a fucken point by what, hurting yourself?!" He got closer to you, the stretcher holding your limp body. He was stopped by Todoroki who only held him back with a hand on his shoulder. The blonde looked back with blind rage but the heterochromatic eyes that looked back at him told him to calm down and that's all it took for Katsuki to growl under his breath and leave the stadium.

-

You were quickly rushed to Recovery Girl and were diagnosed. You had to rest in bed for quite a while until your arms could properly heal. Since popping a vessel can be healed in short of a few days with the help of medical professionals, what will be a hassle would be the shoulder that you tore. It wasn't a massive tear but it wasn't something that shouldn't be taken lightly. After all, you should have lost both your arms if they tore even more, and no thanks to you who wanted to push yourself against Todoroki. Really, it might have sucked but you tried.

Your thoughts might have been running a lot but they all stopped once you blacked out, and once you woke up again, they came back. The headache was intolerable making tears roll down your eyes as if they paused until your mind was able to process what was happening.

The first thing you saw was the walls. You recognized them. Of course, you felt stiff and a lot more pain than you anticipated, but at least the silence got you to sigh in relief.

"It seems like I couldn't make it, huh," You had asked yourself with a sigh coming right after. You wondered if Todoroki was disappointed in his victory or was he glad about it. There was no reason for him to not be glad but what do you know. I'm sure as heck that I don't.

A sudden sound of a door sliding open caught your attention. You assumed it was Recovery Girl but the familiar green hair and expression made your eyes soften, remembering how those same eyes were still very much the same as the ones looking back at you right now.

"Your arms," He had said, walking in and closing the door behind him, his eyes still trailing the bandages on your arms. Your smile was forced but you did it to not worrying him which only made him worry even more.

"I'm okay. I was told to rest. My arms aren't as bad as they seem.” If you moved then maybe the pain will come back for a split second. It felt a bit suffocating to feel Izuku here but who else was going to come aside from your classmates?

“Y/n, you’ve been noticeably pushing yourself and you make it seem like everything is okay.”

“Because everything is okay.”

“But you’re hurt, Y/n. Do you not see that?” Maybe it wasn’t the best idea to push your limits in this case even when it is just for fun. Has it ever stopped Izuku from doing the same? You watched him how he destroyed himself just to make a point and win against Todoroki but he lost, and his wounds were more severe than you’d had seen. You don’t know how the boy in front of you got a quirk but he did and he was now telling you the same advice you were sure he was told.

“How about you take your own advice, Izuku,” You had told him, a soft sigh escaping your lips. “I understand you are worried but I’m fine. Really.” You were able to tell that he was not satisfied with your response. He walked closer to you and sat at the chair that was near your bed. It was only there because Recovery Girl was talking to you as she made sure you were okay. You had focused on the boy, not realizing that he had begun to talk again.

“I understand how you feel about Kaachan but he is truly is worried about you.”

“I can’t really say that’s true when he doesn’t show his feelings towards anyone. All he does is get angry.” It went silent again and neither one of you said a single thing, not even when Izuku left the room to let you rest. Your thoughts were cloudy and you weren't sure if the only reason you felt like that was because Izuku came to see you. He mentioned Katsuki knowing that you felt some sort of way about him. Of course, he knew. 

It had been a while of just sitting around, seeing a lot of your classmate enter and disappear, going back to the probably rowdy lunch room. You were astonished by the student coming in and out, questioning you whether or not you were okay. Your sadden eyes took notice of the look on some of their faces, showing signs of worry and you hadn't felt cared for in this way for a long time. It was even more apparent in Izuku's eyes, the way his lips tried turning upright into a smile but quickly turned into a frown.

Going through the many possibilities of what to do as you rested, the groans came out each time you tried adjusting yourself, your arms aching, becoming stiff when you moved them on top of your lap. It was getting late at this point, noticing that the sun outside was now setting, the beautiful oranges and pinks painting the sky. It looked very out of the ordinary but it was beautiful nonetheless. In the short time it took you to be mesmerized, recovery girl had entered the room, her clipboard in hand and someone else following her. It was Todoroki and Kirishima, looking guilty and you right away noticed it. You wondered if they were gonna apologize when it wasn't even their faults.

"Heyy," Kirishima's nervous voice elongating his greeting. Todoroki didn't say anything but you meeting his eyes was enough of a greeting to you. "How're you feeling?" The red headed added, coming closer to the bed with Todoroki trailing behind him.

"I'm okay. I should recover pretty soon," You answered with a soft smile.

"Was it serious?" Todoroki was the one to ask this time, and you tilted your head slightly to the side.

"In a way? But I'm fine." Your short responses only gave the boys knots in their stomach. Kirishima wasn't here for himself but he also wanted to apologize to you, remembering that the reason he was here was because of Bakugou.

"Hey, um, I'm sorry you ended up like this. I'm also sorry Bakugou caused a scene."

You shook your head. "I'm used to it. I've known him for years. It's not the first time he caused a scene like that especially in front of that many people."

Kirishima gave you a small smile, and rub the back of his neck. "I actually came on behalf of Bakugou. He was suppose to come but he didn't have the courage to do so. I'm sorry, he said he didn't want to but knowing him, I know it's because he's too shy."

Katsuki? Shy? Since when? You were completely confused but you felt as if asking would just make you sound dumb. The blonde was an aggressive Pomeranian who never thought and just acted on his feelings. You couldn't remember much of what happened but you heard his voice, and it was worrisome, which troubled you greatly. Nonetheless, you didn’t want to get your hopes up when it came to Bakugou. It will turn bad if your hopes just became that, hope.

You shook your head in disbelief and lightly smiled to Katsuki’s friend, making him a bit nervous when you tried adjusting yourself. “By the way, who won?” Both boys looked at each other, and Kirishima decided to respond for the both of them.

“It should be a given. He won a second time in a row.” You didn’t know whether to jump in joy , and even the faces of the boys seem off to you that it felt like they wanted you to be happy for the guy. You told yourself that you shouldn’t be but… maybe this time-

“I’m… glad he won.” It should have been convincing enough, but maybe not entirely, either way, Todoroki and Kirishima took the hint and didn’t press on, their now nervous expressions becoming softer. After the awkward silence, Kirishima smiled and reassured you that everything with Bakugou will be okay. Todoroki didn’t really know how to say goodbye so he nodded with a light blush, walking out before Kirishima. They were gone and the room became quiet again.

You hadn’t realized that you had been holding your breath, exhaling and letting the heaviness of your heart finally deplete as you laid back into your pillow. “Am I really glad he won?”

You had left the infirmary with a brace holding your arm in place. You went home with you parents, walking into your room and sitting on your bed with your mind very much occupied with the events that happened today. You looked around with your eyes pinpointing a small plush that was gifted to you at a young age. It was nothing too weird, just a regular cat plush that a particular blonde had gifted to you. He was sweet back in middle school, even if he was bullying Deku all the time.

You walked over to it, looking it over and inspecting it with the saddest eyes and smile. You let it go, playing it next to your old instruments you don’t play anymore. It will gather up dust if it stays there, but that’s okay. You felt like this was better than letting him get to your head. He rarely came to you unless it was to fight and argue, and even Deku was no exception. They aren’t your friends anymore, but you’re glad they are striving, and you have to do the same.

#bakugou #bakugou x reader #bakugou katsuki #bnha bakugou #bnha #mha

[mytwistedhome]

“The Alchemist” ❤️❓

A very old request that I’ve finally finished for @rainebowkitty​ !! 

It took me a while because it required a bit of research (of which I really enjoyed doing!)

This little drabble involves Riddle and... another Disney character (leaving the name out in this intro because you don’t really need to know who it is to be able to understand this story >u< ) 

Summary: During his alchemy class, Riddle Rosehearts gets paired with a strange, magic-less student that he's never noticed before. This student seems to know quite a lot about the subject, but his bizarre ideas tend to stray from the rules that Riddle is used to.

I think that the reason why this particular story took me so long to complete was because the subject of alchemy was quite intimidating to me •́  ‿ ,•̀ Even after weeks of having the basic plot written and taking many notes on the actual science of alchemy, I still always hesitated to complete this. Every day, I would try to write just a little bit, but I always ended up cowering away because all the different little parts of the science seemed overwhelming and, again, intimidating. I've never before procrastinated this much or run away from subjects of my own writing, so this was quite a new experience for me... I wish I could've gotten this done much faster, but I think this entire writing process helped me to face a fear I didn't even know I had--a fear of writing about science/scientific topics! It might be silly, but that's really the way I felt while writing this: afraid to delve too deep into the subject.

Still, I am very happy that this is finally done! I only hope that I served justice to this ancient science 💗 Kitty, I very much hope that you enjoyed your two favs together!!!

Okay!!! I'm gonna stop being annoying now

Riddle stood in the midday class with his back turned to his alchemy professor, easily slipping the buttons through the holes of his lab coat as Divus gave his greetings and instruction. His voice was clear and loud, reciting his usual classroom demands of always taking full precautions, ensuring safety, and arriving prepared. Always, it was these same rules, yet they were just a little bit different each day to suit whatever the current project may be.

But, on this day, Divus added to his instruction, "And, boys! Make sure you pair with a NEW partner today."

Riddle turned his head to stare at his professor and froze in place, absolutely dismayed. Crewel was asking them to switch partners? A brand new partner? All of a sudden?

How very strange that was, for wasn't it better to keep with the same partners? So that the two are familiar with each other and can work their best together? This switching of partners was truly, very odd, and it seemed just the thing that Professor Crewel would be against, for he was always the most sensible in keeping to rules and the traditional order of things. But, who was Riddle to argue or question the one in charge of the classroom?

He turned his head away once more and smoothed over the small wrinkles in his coat as the clean, clear goggles slipped over his eyes. It seemed the others in his class were just as confused as he, for they stumbled about awkwardly in search of a friendly-looking acquaintance of whom they were unfamiliar with. Riddle breathed out a huff and narrowed his eyes, a bit annoyed to have to deal with the uncertainty and the bother of finding a "brand new" partner. He turned around and looked, himself, for a person that seemed amiable and new, and to his luck, he was able to spot someone standing at one of the large, wide cauldrons of whom he was sure he hadn't ever worked with before.

He slowly approached where the other boy stood with his back to him. He was hurriedly flipping through the pages of several different books that were spread over the long desk just beside the pot of which they were to work. He had dark hair of an impressive volume and seemed rather intriguing in the way he went about his work. Riddle tilted his head slightly, watching with curiosity and interest as the boy worked quick to search what he was looking for, before he said in warm greeting, "Hello.. I don't believe I've worked with you before."

The boy went still upon hearing Riddle's voice, and he turned himself around to acquaint the unfamiliar classmate as he pushed the round goggles he wore over his head. "Hello!" he said with a nod, "I could work with you, if that's what we must do." There was clear enthusiasm in his voice before he turned his head once more to focus back on whatever he may have been searching for.

Riddle blinked several times in bewilderment. He had never even seen this student, let alone worked with him before. In alarm, he stared to get a better look at this stranger. His dark hair was accentuated by a teal stripe that ran down the center--a unique trait that Riddle had never noticed in a student before. He also had a soft, summer, sun-kissed shine to his complexion, which flattered and glowed upon his warm and freckled face, making him even more unrecognizable to Riddle.

Divus then gave further commands to the class, telling them that their goal was to make a particular potion. Riddle payed close attention to the details of the instruction, but all the while, he could not help but think in the back of his mind upon how strange his partner seemed to be. And, then, with the brief lecture over, he turned his attention again to that unknown student. "I'm sorry, but what is your name?" his voice was soft and polite with an ease in his eyes, "I don't believe I've payed much notice to you in this class before, and I'm sorry for that."

"Oh! Uh, I...." he dragged that last syllable out, much to Riddle's distaste, as he rummaged with the ingredients spread before the cauldron, "I only just began coming to this school. Not that long ago, really, so it makes sense if you didn't know. And--I'm Varian, by the way."

"You just began coming here?" Riddle said with alarm as his head tilted with even more interest than before, "A new student on the middle of the school year... And just like that? That isn't a typical thing here. How did it happen?"

Varian gritted his teeth and briefly glanced off to the side in attempt to avoid the question, "It's a... rea~lly long story. Don't worry about it."

Riddle looked at him with skepticism in his gaze. How odd it was to have a student transfer in the middle of the school year. As far as he knew, it was incredibly uncommon in NRC, for it meant that they would miss the welcome ceremony and so many other lessons and meetings that were essential in their learning.

But, again, who was he to argue with the way the school was run? Perhaps Crowley had a very special reason to allow this student entrance in the middle of the year.

Riddle took a small step to better observe what Varian was doing. All around on his side of the desk, there were sketches of obscure symbols that appeared unrelated to their project at hand, along with notebooks opened to pages of quotes that were beautiful poetically, yet seemingly unintelligent. How strange, how strange That one word kept repeating in Riddle's head, and he grew slightly skeptical of the student standing beside him.

Riddle pulled his head away and pressed his lips together as he began looking over the ingredients, chemicals, and metals that were laid out neatly upon the long desk, but his attention was seized once more by Varian who immediately grabbed two beakers of melted medals and mixed them carefully with one another.

"Just a touch of sulfur, and some more iron for the base...The iron brings forth the energy of Mars, so we'll have a fiery and quick result for this potion!" Varian was getting more and more excited as he explained the steps, and he seemed to talk more to himself than to Riddle. But, he soon took a breath in woeful thought as he continued with the mixture. "I really wish we had access to use gold in this lab. I guess it's understandable that we aren't allowed, but it isn't fair! Gold, after all, represents the sun, and the sun is connected to a princess I've been honored to become well-acquainted with--"

"Varian!" Riddle let out loudly, cutting him off after having had enough of his mindless chattering, "What are you even doing with all of those metals and chemicals?"

He reached out and took hold of the beaker that his partner held in his left hand, vigilant enough as to not disturb the dangerous mixtures, but harsh enough to cause a drop of the pinkish liquid to fizz onto the table.

"Woah be careful with that..!" Varian said frantically, trying to steady all the beakers that could cause a mess.

"What have you made?" Riddle's eyes were fixated in a glare, yet his voice wavered with fascination as he asked the question.

"Oh," Varian smiled with excitement and straightened his back, and he cleared his throat, preparing to deliver a recitation of all he created in a matter of minutes, "That's still just sulfur with an iron base, but the sulfur also works as a primer. You know... the 'spirit of life'. I also added a bit of mercury to better blend the high concentrations with the low ones, which also aids in connected the high and low energies. And, of course, I added a touch of salt as well, just as another primer."

"I see..." was all Riddle said in quiet response. He knew of the three primers and their functions in the mixtures--every student learned that at some point or another in the class. But, as for the other symbolic and rather spiritual things mentioned by Varian, he had never heard of them before, and he wasn't sure if he should believe them now.

Varian only continued, "It's unfair that we can't use gold or silver. I'd complain if I wasn't so new to this school." Getting excited again, he seemed to be talking mainly to himself once more, "Gold is the sun! And the sun is willpower, inner ability and inner strength! It's deeply connected to the heart and the heat of the body... It ignites passion and life! And it's connected to vision, too. But, silver probably has even more use than gold does. It's connected to the moon and creation... but in formulas, it helps the metals grow more quickly and aids in their blending."

The scowl on Riddle's face deepened, and his small nose wrinkled every slightly in skepticism and suspicion, yet that typically unsavory expression looked oddly beautiful over his fair face, and so Varian payed him no mind. Instead, he kept up on speaking, though this time it was less of a ramble. "We should probably go through the first couple steps together, shouldn't we?" he asked with a kind smile. "The first thing would be to go through the operation of calcination. You know, heating things to purify the metal and cancel out any toxins. But, I trust this lab, so it's fine to skip that step. Next would be dissolution, like... using water to dissolve bits of the metal into rust at the edges. It usually works as another purifier, as the water brings in life. But it really isn't that important, is it? Let's skip that one! Then, that brings us to the operation of separation. Specifically, separating the components of the dissolution... But if we don't do the dissolution, there really is no point. It's basically isolating the rust and the different elements of the metals by filtering them carefully and then discarding the bad materials. That always seems to tedious to me. I doubt there's anything very bad that could sabotage our results, anyway. I don't think it's necessary; it'll only eat up our time. We should skip that as well--"

"Varian!" Riddle's patience was reaching its brim. His anger ripped through his voice, causing Varian to flinch back and widen his eyes. "We shouldn't skip anything! There's an order for a reason!"

"Okay, okay," Varian said with a timid smile in attempt to ease his partner's nerves. "But trust me, we should just go ahead a proceed with the fourth operation. Conjunction. It's basically the re-combination of the components that should have been separated in the previous step. But, combining the metals is basically what I've been doing so far, so it's like we're ahead. All we need is potassium nitrate. I promise! It's like a short cut." Varian said, looking to Riddle with pleading eyes in hopes of convincing him.

"Alchemy is a discipline," Riddle said sternly, though his voice was now kept soft, "There are rules and a direction you must follow. Every step involves a precise measurement, and unless you adhere to the order set in place, you will never achieve a good result!"

"Well, yes, you're... kind of right."

Riddle stepped back, blinking in disbelief. Kind of right? Who did he think he was? An alchemy expert? Someone so profound that he could skip around on the steps? Riddle's anger was building up inside, heart racing, blood boiling. His face was heating up, just about to burst--

And, then, Varian quickly drew from the cauldron a small sample of the potion they were to create. It was small bit, but it was perfect. Made with such quick ease, and filling up half of the beaker. It was quite impressive to have achieved such a wonderful result in such little time, and noticing this, Riddle slowly calmed.

"Hey... Relax, okay? It's really not something to stress over," Varian reassured with a confident chuckle and a mocking role of his eyes that went undetected by Riddle.

Riddle pressed his lips together before softening his expression and letting out a sigh, easing himself of the tension and excitement, yet also ashamed now for having gotten so angry before. Maybe, perhaps, he could trust this kid to do what he seemed so passionate about.

yes... drew the pic because I wanted the two of them together but, obviously, there are none that exist, so I had to create my own with my very slim art skill. I was originally going to have it at the top, but I am NOT confident enough in my doodling to do that lmao

#twst #riddle rosehearts #varian #fanfic #my fanfic #my writing #twisted wonderland fanfiction #<3 #crossover #tangled the series

[maliceinborderland]

Well yeah, these discussions are very cisnormative because theyre under the guise of afab vs amab but thats something trans people have talked about for years and cis people will never listen. Also non-binary people aren't a third gender, sk they may or may not relate to certain issues. I relate a lot to women's issues for example, but its different for all of us. Like, the main problem i have always seen is, women will talk about their issues and a man will typically bring up his in a way that is dismissive "men can be be sa'd too." Like...no one said they cant? But women are sharing their thoughts, make another post. I always say that if you only bring up men's issues when women discuss theirs, you don't care for men's issues. Bring it up whenever, but don't barge in on a very specific topic. Like, a few months back the UK had a huge ass thing over the death of a woman who walked home alone and was murdered, which opened up the discussion of men barging in and making the convo about them when it was very clearly about women.

Thank you for letting me know on the whole concept of non-binary/gender. I try to keep myself as informed on these things as I can, so if I ever get anything wrong, please do feel free to tell me or share with me any helpful articles or sources.

I like to think about the discussions that are held in my women’s rhetoric class as a reference for these topics as well. And here’s the thing, it’s only called women’s rhetoric because the school board’s way of refusing for the class to be renamed “rhetoric of gender” was to say that the process to rename the course would take too long and that if the professor wanted people to take the course, she had to pick an audience, and even then they didn’t think the course would be popular enough to actually continue existing, and told her she needed a minimum of 15 students if she even wanted the course to exist.

There’s 40 of us, and the class is made of of cisgendered, non-binary, gender fluid, straight, lgbtq+, white and poc, old and young. You’d be surprised just how many cisgendered het men at the university level want to get informed about women’s discourse.

One of my classmates, up until last week, kept focusing on just women’s issues until the professor called him out on it during class and said, “I understand that you want to avoid offending anyone, and by anyone I mean those of the opposite sex as you, by giving your opinion as a man, but that’s what this class is about. We need to discuss things that are offensive and formulate solutions as a community. A great part of women’s rhetoric is feminism, but that doesn’t mean feminism is just for women.”

And that’s why I take the liberty to bringing up the topic of mens issues myself, as a cisgendered woman of color, as well. I like to look at things on the inside from the outside while using my own experiences as reference.

I actually used to refrain from identifying as a feminist or even talk about gender issues because I would get reprimanded by other women who promoted feminism yet used feminazi terminology and ideas. I didn’t want to be involved with such close minded individuals. I just couldn’t understand why women were now taking the liberty to step into the very roles they chastised men for.

I don’t know if you’re a college student, and if you are, take a look at your class syllabus. Most of the time, the university guidelines and info regarding students rights are all female centered. Topics ranging from sexual harassment, Professor misconduct toward student, discrimination, and parenthood are all mentioned in reference to women and women alone with the assumption being that these things only happen to women. I think this is a great flaw in not just society, but schools, especially since schools are supposed to be “safe havens” for students.

[rin-the-shadow]

So assessment class was interesting today. I was a bit nervous because it was the chapter on Neurodevelopmental Disabilities, listed in the book as disorders but whatever, and part of me was genuinely terrified they’d bring like...I don’t even know what anymore as the movie.

But the group presenting ended up presenting on the Temple Grandin movie, and from the clips I saw it seemed like it was surprisingly well done, actually trying to get the viewer to see things how she sees instead of just...whatever those kinds of movies normally do. I especially liked the scene at the party where the person asks her to tell them about her research and so she does, and then they like walk away before she’s finished because holy crap if that isn’t every day or close to it for me.

I didn’t want to be one of the presenters, because I don’t really trust the class enough to present on something I get emotionally invested in just yet, but I did end up participating in the discussion significantly more than I expected to.

The only problem with that is related to the way my internal monologue works. If I hear someone talking for a long period of time, then the way my internal monologue sounds will start to shift in order to mimic that person’s speech patterns, which can sometimes result in my verbal speech taking on elements of other people’s speech patterns, particularly if I was invested in what they were saying or I particularly like the way they talk.

So I worry a little bit because that combined with myself getting excited for the topic resulted in a lot of start-stopping (which is just something that happens if I try to talk before my answer is fully in words) and my inflections going all over the place, and myself talking with my hands a lot more. 

And then of course at the end the classmates had to ruin the movie by going “aw, that was cute” but whatever. Maybe they meant the cattle were cute.

#rin does grad school #dsm class #dsm v #there are a lot of little things i could gripe about in today's class but i will spare you from them #institutionalized ableism #to a milder degree compared to some of my other posts but still #temple grandin #temple grandin movie #and i mean i don't know maybe the movie actually isn't very good i'm not sure i haven't seen it all #but i got very excited seeing the depiction of her visual thinking #because my own thought process is a mix of pictures and words #and can't always fully become one or the other #which is why i wish i could invent the thought projector #but that's a side note #and a lot of my classmates don't get the idea of thought processes which aren't fully in words #so i'd like to think this helped them comprehend it on some level #but i do worry about how my own reaction was perceived #especially since the professor talked so much about first year med student syndrome the first class #and that class basically erodes my ability to perceive myself in the social sphere #but i can't drop it because it's required to graduate #i haven't been confronted by any of my cohort about it yet #but it's also only been an hour since it ended. #but 'that was cute.' really? we just talked about how autistic people hate being infantilized #she's a brilliant animal scientist #that's not 'cute' #discussion of ableism #in film