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ms-scarletwings · 9 months

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That Speculative Analysis About Irkens No One (Originally) Asked For: Part III

Hey! Huge thanks to everyone who took an interest in the first two parts of this fun I got into about Jhonen Vasquez’s funny green guys. I didn’t really expect to kind of rebound back into this old flame the way I have been lately and it’s actually a pleasant surprise that other fans have been getting something out of it and enabling my latest thinkworms.

Check out the part one of this extended analysis here, for broad tids and bits about Planet Irk and the mention of its inhabitants being basically cyborgs.

Part Two, takes on Irken physiology and focusing on their tissue differences from humans, here.

So alright, I’ve been holding this one in since the very start. Previously, I brushed the topic of the control brains, and I’ve sorta gestured acknowledgement toward the Irken obsession with height. Now, I’m really ready to get some thought goo flowing all over and in the crevices of the matter of Irk’s power structure, and, perhaps the one social W that this marauding pack of space imperialists get to claim.

Bearing no further ado, let’s talk about the Tallest. Can we talk about the Tallest? Please Mac, I’ve been dying to talk about the Tallest with you all day.

I’ve said once and now repeated twice that I think the canon implied that the homeworld of our favorite invaders is dummy thicc; consequentially, it’s left a lasting ripple on the evolution of their species as well.

Planetary gravity has a ton of invisible effects on the skeletons of large fauna, to the point where it’s the main thing that you, filthy Earth creature, can shake your own fist at it for taking a huge slice of the blame behind the prevalence of back pain in upright hominins. All that downward tug can really wear a spine down good over the years. In fact, would you believe that astronauts actually grow a smidge taller in Zero-G environments? Legit. So… use your brain and consider what we could have ended up looking like with our same bone structure, but many times that compression.

You take that mental path, and suddenly, height outcomes may not seem like such an arbitrary measure of general survival fitness after all. Especially in the days before the Irkens represented an intergalactic super power. It may seem counterproductive in their modern intelligent society, but no doubt this aesthetic affinity is something that runs much deeper ingrained than practical programming. Respecting tallness is something Irk takes on dogmatic intuition- to the fault of barely being able to comprehend the notion of another species being both tall AND intellectually primitive.

Nevertheless, I pose that the connection may also be more than traditionalism, and not so vestigial after all. My reasoning suggests that The Almighty Tallest are in fact, not randomly born… they’re planned and made by the real overlords sitting atop the pyramid. And even so, they have existed in the species long, LONG before the PAK even did.

• Caste Polymorphism & Bug Stuff

The insectoid inspirations of Zim’s kin are something so obvious they really need no recapping, yet, I’m pining to make a more specific comparison. Some people like to go for wasps or bees, but if you ask me, the roving militarism of the armada is begging for the ant metaphor if anything.

And I got a hell of a species to whip out that you’ve probably never heard of.

A quick context breakdown- Polymorphism is another one of those long biology terms for a pretty simple concept: when one species has different distinct forms or types of forms that appear in its population. And it’s not talking about continuous spectrum differences like height alone. It’s talking about when animals/plants can have one gene with different possible phenotypical presentations. One good example (in humans no less) is the existence of different blood type groups. One of my absolute favorite cases, by the by, is in Side-Blotched Lizards. The females are samey and look pretty generic, but the males deadass come in 3 completely differentiated color variants, all of which are playing a perpetual game of rock paper scissors with the other two for breeding success.

And this kind of phenomenon of course gets way less subtle in the insect world. Everyone here probably knows the simplified version of what a colony critter’s caste system looks like, with sterile female workers, breeding done males, and one big fat queen at the top, pumping out replacements for the other two. This is the part where I tell you it’s a hell of a lot more complicated, weird, and varied than that, actually.

Consider army ants, as I see them, the most Irk-ish of real world animals. Some fun facts on the most notorious handful of species below:

+ Nomadic by nature, they do not build any form of permanent hill or nest, and instead make temporary pit stops inbetween periods where the entire colony swarms along the forest floor in search of resources.

+ Army ants are aggressively predatory and forage in the style of legion-like “raids” that overwhelm their prey with sheer numbers and speed.

+ These raids often take shape by way of linear traffic columns that guide the direction of the swarm. This is because the ants have poor vision, relying on following the paths of the scent trails of the workers that are spearheading the legion.

+ Eciton burchellii, in particular, demonstrates a stark example of polymorphism by way of a rigid caste hierarchy. I.e., The non-reproductive colony members are divided into 4 sized tiers of worker. From smallest to largest there are minors, medias, porters (sub-majors), and soldiers (majors).

And let me tell you… the difference between the Soldier (major) caste and the rest of that batch is a pretty surprising gap.

This is what ONE major-type ant looks like hanging out with colony mates from the lower worker castes.

Oh wait, getting ahead of myself. Ahem… sorry, I meant THIS is the image I was referring to:

Not only is that obviously the bossiest bitch of the bunch, but she has some pretty cool features unique to her status… The more spidery looking body shape and those absolutely wicked mandibles being a standout.

You know what drop I already had coming, so I’ll cut to the chase.

It’s clear that the Almighty Tallest are NOT the Irken equivalent of a hive queen. They are not drones, either. Besides the glaring fact that they are non-reproductive individuals, the role they serve in Irken society has very little if anything to do with running the day-to-day lives and functions of the larger population.

Instead, we have always seen them (and would have seen them more in the unmade episodes such as The Trial) involved more with the military front of the empire. Tallest Miyuki’s one known planned appearance would have featured her overseeing the military research happening on the Vortian base. Tallest Spork’s brief entrance (and exit) was planned to take place on Devastis, where he addressed those who were being evaluated to join the elite ranks of the armada. And our very own iconic duo have,

also,

never even once been seen on their home planet since their introduction. Their first appearance? Conventia. Ever since? Aboard the Massive, where they directly command and supervise the operations of the active invasions.

Why, the Almighty Tallest in all cases… these aren’t emperors at all, they’re generals! Sure, they have power, they have reverence, but even they must obey the final judgement of a Control brain at the end of the day. The same brains that grant them their status in the first place. Note, in real ants, the mechanics of how exactly any one egg is differentiated into its decided caste, from worker to queen, and all between, is… to say the very least, really fucking complicated. And all over the place. Broadly speaking, it’s a mix between genetic potential and nutrition during development. In some species this determination is near entirely up to the whims of DNA, and in others, it does come heavily down to how many protein shakes the colony decided to give their brood that day.

For the purposes of this hypothetical, I’m going to assume the people of Irk fall somewhere in between those two polar options. Now, being a futuristic network of coordinated supercomputers using cloning tech, the control brains have a more precise handle on the gene pool/diversity of their underlings than anything possible with natural breeding.

Let’s also assume they record and monitor the current population of each potential class of irken (they literally assign and code the PAKs’ occupational roles themselves). With each batch of smeets, they can predetermine certain percentages aside with the potential to fill whatever roles need replacing and expansion… keeping the genetic height markers attached for those downline to understand who should be looking down on who. Ergo, not ANY Irken can one day become the almighty tallest, but within each generation of smeets produced, there are potential candidates hidden among the upper ranks of would-be soldiers.

This way, the sudden death of the current armada commander would not disable current operations or throw the offensive lines into utter chaos for years on end. The Control brains need only select out the cream of the crop from their “proto-Tallest” and then cue their body (via diet or hormones) to switch the proper genes on, get a new growth spurt going, and complete the metamorphosis into their true potential.

As for why they seemed to break a historical precedent and jump for a two-for-one special in Zim’s generation… yeah, I’m not sure about that really. There could be a link between that and the very sudden death of the two previous tallests in a row, but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. It could just be a remarkable coincidence that Red and Purple were decided to be equally viable successors. Or, Operation Impending Doom could have been deemed an ambitious enough endeavor to warrant the appointing of two regents at once, given the scale of Irk’s expanded army for the purpose.

So, that’s it, then? The Irken species became so reliant of their technological advancement that they have casted aside and replaced every bit of their natural life cycle and order some

computer deemed inefficient? Substituted the seat of their leadership and even their ability to procreate with the soulless calculations of their AI programs?

:y Well, yes, but actually no.

• Long Live the Cyberocracy!

When I said in part one that Irk was on track to eventually make the jump from cyborg citizens to an entirely mechanical or digitized lifeform, I was doing a ponderous thinking thing. I was supposed to just be speculating, and then I find out the most mind blowing revelation while doing the research for this bad boy- those alien bastards already did it. The madlads/madlasses… So, living Irkens DO actually run the show around here, hiding in plain sight this whole time.

I am still desperately searching for confirmation of the rumors I heard that Vasquez himself has said what I’m about to share, and I deeply appreciate anyone who can give me that as well. Even if this turns out to only be fanon, I’m still in love with this interpretation anyway: Within the Control Brains are the preserved consciousness of Irkens who have achieved this evolutionary end stage. WHO are they exactly is… honestly anyone’s guess. The important part being that they no longer have need of their meat suits to survive any longer and now exist as these hulks of nerve and metal.

Be this what it looks like to me, and it would be certain that this is actually the most coveted and honorary fate of any single Irken- immortalized and given a status on par with deification over the most powerful imperium the cosmos has ever known. Perhaps this was the path of particularly accomplished Tallests of the past, who had their paks integrated into the core of a fledgeling new control interface. What better way to commemorate those who have fallen in the highest level of glory? A single “brain” could in fact even be the summation of multiple beings, making example of the greatest the species has to offer and what all should be striving for. Conversely, the greatest punishment of their kind is the opposite- to be forever deceased, forever forgotten, forever excluded from this collective transcendence:

Damnatio Memoriae.

(But like… in a kids’ show)

There’s no clear estimate on how many control brains exist in the franchise, there are at least four that we have seen on screen, one on Devastis and the others within Judgementia. Probs safe to assume there’s at least one permanently built into the infrastructure of any planet of key enough importance to the Empire. Interestingly, lost scripts and show canon make numerous references to them still having gendered pronouns and voices when addressed individually.

Though, now that I think of it, that’s also really interesting that the same is true for the worker castes, too.

• Putting the “Trans” in Transirkenism 👉😎👉

When a worldbuild goes so far as to explicitly confirm a completely sexless, alien race of neuter cyborgs, the existence of a human-like gender binary starts to beg for some kind of explanation. You can’t just “suspension of disbelief” it aside the same as you can the fact that English is the most popular first language across the Galaxy.

Oh, lookie, it’s one of my favorite things to think about when toying around with postbiological concepts/philosophy. I knew there were even more reasons transhumanism always seemed like such a cool sci-fi trope, from the endless possibilities in imagining the badass super powers, to the worlds of knowledge, and to the absolute social equalization that would all be unlocked in a cybernetic future. Well, that future is already comfortably in the hands of Irk, and whether intentionally or not, it has apparently brought them to the threshold of not just a postorganic, but also a post-gender society too.

A feminine and masculine variation does still exist in the form of small aesthetic differences- voice, antennae shape, pronoun usage, and eyelashes- but is now so far disconnected from the original associated sex roles that the distinction might as well be no more than a cosmetic preference. While “female” irkens are seen much, much more rarely than their counterparts, neither gender is treated differently from the other, and both have been spotted in occupations all the way up to invader elite and the Almighty Tallest.

This is a blending, of course, far beyond the insect-like caste system that itself did survive to the modern day, and that shows some truly impressive progress from what I imagine they were doing before.

Army ants, like all eusocial insects, are matriarchal; as in, where the females run the colony from top to bottom, while the males lead short runs of being mutilated by the workers, mating with the queen, and then dying shortly after.

In this headcannon narrative, it was almost certainly the male-associated gender Irkens who were liberated by the technological jump.

And that’s all sum purdy neat food for thought, huh ! ?

#iz headcanons #invader zim #irkens #xenobiology #iz analysis #iz #nicktoons #long post #new world army ants #cool bug facts #scarlet talks about things #more like becomes possessed by them #YOU WANT THE SCOOPSIES YOU GET POTATOES #we hyperfixating #lord help me #thanks for coming to this ted talk #you know for kids!

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letomills · 11 months

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Download on SFS or Mega

(Continuing on with the string of TF stuff whose primary purpose is to be converted for Dummy Thicc TF.) These dresses are made up of these tops and skirts by @gobbluthbutagirl, and these wedges by Trapping (edited to be a bit narrower). They have fat and preg morphs, categorized as everyday and formal. Poly count: 2,130.

#sims 2 #download #clothing:everyday #clothing:formal #sims 2 cc #sims 2 download #ts2cc #s2cc

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feyhunter78 · 10 months

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So, idk if this was intentional on your part or not, but like in the fic, when we found out Todd's full name, I just kinda... had a thought (yk, Miggy is from 2099, after all) that he was a descendant of another popular spiderman character.

Todd Jameson. As in, like, J Jonah Jameson.

So, like, Todd had one relative that was the editor for the daily Bugle and another that legit went to the fuckin moon - and he wound up being... Todd.

Disappointing his peepaw by being a fan of the Web-slinging "menace". (/j)

Idk, I could be completely wrong and thinking too much into this.

(Oh, and a bonus fun marvel fact! Miguel's Deadpool is in fact Wade's daughter, Warda!).

-Red (having a dummy thicc brain rn).

It was not intentional but I will say that it is now😂 it’s cannon! Please continue to think “too much” into my fic I love it literally more than I can express🥺💗

#meg talks #meg talks with red #miguel’s pastels #Todd a disappointment to everybody

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hiyaluronic · 1 year

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bellybutton penis, just whaaaat?

A taser, a tonfa, brass knuckles, a single shurikan, and pepper spray. The basic/standard arsenal of any good hacker. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Love that Laura is playing a character that is super buff, her whole vibe is like 90′s grunge lesbian and I love it.

Power Rangers jumpsuits! YAAAAAAAS!!!

“I speak more poetically with my fingers.” (*Laura wags fingers*)

Rollies for Heelies! And, thus, as it has been and continues to be Aimee Carrero gets what Aimee Carrero wants. xD

WHAM!

50k worth of DEBT! WHAT STOCK DID YOU BUY, WRIGLEY!?!

$7 for a tank of gas, jfc.

The 8-bit system has no bugs whatsoever, lol, it’s incredible

Enhance is an auto-success, love it! (babygirl, imma need you to deep enhance that)

bRICK ROLL!

We have two person keyboarding, people! We have reached dual hacking! Ghost hacking if you will.

2-thicc 2-decrypt needs to be a t-shirt, just saying.

C’mon Janice!

Xena!!!

POS Toyota car is best car. A full CPR dummy? Someone uses the carpool lane illegally.

C’MON JANICE!

#evie watches #generation nord one shot #generation nord #critical role #cr one shot #cr spoilers

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sunshine-and-moonshine · 1 year

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This is why Survivors can’t have nice things

Requested: No

Warnings: T-Posing. The continued mentioning of the clap of Michael’s ass cheeks. My childish sense of humor.

A/N: Part 2! Laurie centered this time.

Ah yes, just another day in the fog. Or, it would be anyway, if Laurie Strode would quit being……Laurie Strode.

Sometimes the Entity regretted bringing that one in, but the temptation of Michael Myer’s thicc ass cheeks where too much to simply leave alone in their universe and Laurie was an unfortunate necessity to bring along lest things become too one sided for the killers.

Laurie Strode, being Laurie Strode, was a menace to society. The society called The Entity that is. She kept doing such stupid shit and it was getting on The Entity’s nerves.

It started off normal, Laurie running with the sound of Michael’s dummy thicc ass cheeks clapping following after her. But then-THEN Laurie stopped mid step and

Did a T pose????

Not that the Entity quite knew what exactly a T pose was. Either way, Michael skidded to a stop, sadly making the sweet sound of his loud butt claps stop. He tilted his head, watching her for merely a moment before trying to strike.

Laurie dodged and struck the same pose again. Michael tried again, Laurie dodged again. T posed once more.

This went round and round and round again, Michael unsuccessfully trying to strike at Laurie as generators popped one after the other, only making him angrier.

It was only when the final Gen lit up that Michael finally managed to be fast enough to get in one good slash, making Laurie cry out.

As Michael was doing his cooldown, Laurie ran, apparently finally done with stupid jokes. Michael began his chase, the delicious sound of his thicc butt cheeks clapping resuming as Laurie desperately searched in vain for a gate. And just as she managed to find one, Leon at the gate, almost finished, Jill beside him, acting as a lookout.

Laurie’s distraction at the sight of her teammates gave Michael the perfect opportunity to lunge, his blade held high, ready to strike-

All of a sudden, David jumped from the bushes, chucking a bagel at Michael’s face like it was one of the trickster’s knives.

WHEN DID HE GET THAT?! The Entity thought, in utter shock. She was SURE that she banned and removed all bagels! Had he-had he hidden some? From HER?

Michael let out a loud groan, which would be just about his equivalent to a girlish shriek of surprise, momentarily stunned and obviously confused.

This gave Leon the opportunity to finish opening the gate and no one wasted any time in running through, everyone cackling maniacally the whole way.

The Entity sighed, desperately wishing she had a normal functioning mouth and digestive system so she could take several shots in order to deal with this shit.

This is why Survivors can’t be trusted with nice things. She couldn’t wait to devour those assholes. Laurie and David especially.

#dbd #dead by daylight #Laurie Strode #Michael Myers

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gremlins-hotel · 1 year

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Two things, one did u know your blog is on the not blog one(I don’t know how to word this but like your blog can only be viewed on dashboard instead of like as it’s own website, if that makes sense?) Also two can’t believe they banned u over making a fictional man hot and doing girl boss things

yeah, i noticed that, on the first thing. not quite sure what the difference is/how to fix that. but hey, at least the blog is back! solving the dilemma of being a technologically-incompetent zoomer can come later.

and listen. the hellsite feds couldn't stand how dummy thicc the art was. we call that a skill issue. the art will continue until morale improves.

#callsign gremlin checking in

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swearingcactus · 2 years

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Far Cry 7 Concept: Fuck it. Just dial the nostalgia meter to an 11 and call it a day.

*cracks knuckles* you're welcome, Ubisoft.

You play a previous pencil-pusher-but-suddenly-promoted CIA agent rookie who is tasked to turn in all the mission reports of the guy you're replacing. Surprise-- it's Willis Huntley, who is notorious for doing sketchy shit and submitted subpar mission reports. It's now up to you to go back to the locations of his old missions and complete his mission reports to submit back to the HQ.

First stop? Meet up with Willis in Hope County, where he's checking up on some things for his current secret service job. You get there, but run into immediate trouble with the trigger-happy locals who seem hellbent on killing you. You find out there's a cult problem and was brought to meet Joseph Seed-- who doesn't consider you a threat and lets you go. You help out some locals, including a funky tubby motherfucker and his cousin, but ultimately you can't stick around to hunt a cult leader, so guess Joseph was right this time. You meet up with Willis and find out there's at least 3 places you have to physically go to yourself for the reports.

Second location: Bumfuck Nowhere, East Africa. Years ago a civil war raged in the area but things have significantly calmed down since no arms dealer is willing to sell weapons to either side. It also doesn't help that both sides are suffering from a malaria infestation. During your search, you unfortunately ALSO get malaria-- you hear from the locals about some old channels of the Underground who used to help provide malaria medicine. You hunt the channel down, gets forced to do a mission to prove you're one of the good guys, and gets the medicine, almost dying in the process. You let the locals know where to find the Underground and leave.

You go to another location previously suffering a civil war to check up on how things are now: Kyrat. The CIA considered Pagan was no longer a threat but Willis failed to report that not long after they left Pagan was dethroned and the Golden Path took over. You get there and find the country still barely functioning, despite obvious efforts. You try to find out more by tracking down Ajay Ghale, who finds you instead of the other way around, calling you on the radio every once in a while, forcing you to do several missions before agreeing to meet with you. Apparently Willis fucked him over so he Does Not like anyone with a CIA badge. Understandable. With enough details about Kyrat, you decide to leave before Ajay decides to stop being hospitable.

Supposed last stop is Rook Islands-- where you find out that the reports GREATLY needed an update. Hoyt Volker's dead, Jason Brody killed him about a decade ago. (hey HQ, somebody should check up on that dude!!) Before you leave though you caught wind that a previous report stating that Hoyt's second in command and pirate gang leader Vaas Montenegro is dead was pretty much bullshit. You hunt down a doctor who confirmed it for you and go to....

Yara, last known location of Vaas Montenegro. Yara is still in fucking shambles after Anton Castillo died, so no surprises there. You hand over all your report to the CIA agent stationed in Yara just in case, before you stake out a secret meeting between Libertad and an arms dealer who turns out to be Vaas. Your dummy thicc ass knocked over a barrel and they find you. Libertad dude was about to kill you but Vaas surprisingly comes to your rescue and says you're one of his men. You get to do weapon smuggling missions for Vaas to prove he's your boss to Libertad, after which they lay off. Vaas, who did all of this for shit and giggles, then lets you go to do whatever you want. He doesn't give a shit either way.

Then you have a choice to just go back home or say fuck it and toss your badge away and continue to work with Vaas as the credits roll. You might think the 'follow Vaas' route is the best ending but if you pick the 'go back to work' ending and wait until the post credits you'll answer your phone, expecting to hear a guy who was tailing Jason Brody to report back, and instead hear a familiar voice basically saying your guy sucked ass at being discrete. You say thanks for the notice and asks what Jason wants. "How about a job offer?" Fade to black.

Also, secret fast ending is when you get promoted you don't take the report files you're handed so you get demoted again and you go back to your desk, open your computer and double click the latest Assassin's Creed game's icon. If you have the actual game installed the game will exit to desktop and automatically run that instead.

#far cry #this is a shitpost the length of a short fic #i even provide 3 different endings

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proxylynn · 10 months

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SDJ’s old design is better than new one tbh

[I don't know. I think he's been fine from the start and only glows up even more as time continues. God damn, Jack is dummy thicc!]

#to op #sdj jack

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katyspersonal · 2 years

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patches + 0!

(Asks from this ( x ) meme)

0) All numbers in the list!

Oh boy... You just straight up decided to kill me with this one 👀 To be honest I often find myself to be scared to even think deeper into this particular character, like

/srs though, he has the exact aura of 'character who becomes Tumblr sexyman' fdgfdgdfgdf

I will be speaking about his Bloodborne version specifically though. Patches the Spider. As it is the one most familiar to me and 95% of everything I post is Bloodborne related, so.

1) What would their social media page/activity be like

I already mentioned this somewhere, but we all know and agree he'd have shady account with 0 personal information that he'd send malicious links from. xd

Maybe he would also sell all the private information he could obtain from accounts he hacked this way. As a treat. However you'd need to be a very dumb/naive person to click on a link he sends because, again, we all know and agree that his method to talk you into clicking it would painfully obviously give him away.

2) What animal they remind me of

Okay I am NOT to count spider on this one, him being a spider in Bloodborne is lore-justified and other Nightmare Apostles are just the same (majority lacks human heads though). As for an animal that has to do with his identity specifically, I can't help but think of a raccoon. Nothing to do with his appearance, but raccoon is the most notorious 'cunning animal that steals shit and is an asshole but sorta adorable' so I just can't help but feel this is his vibe. (Or maybe I just think he belongs to a trash can, hehehe. /j )

3) My thoughts on their design/aesthetic alone

I reeeeeally love Bloodborne design for him. I overall love spiders, especially fluffy ones, so this design is just created to cater for my tastes specifically.

At first I was not sure whether to be happy or upset that Bloodborne version of him did not get his trademark sassy smirk that makes you want to punch his face before he even said anything, but tbh I've grown to like his more serious aesthetic in Bloodborne down to little details. He is just... very 'advanced' compared to his counterparts in other games despite saving his personality, he doesn't just survive but pursues Eldrich Truth so having this sort of 'I've seen some shit and continue seeing new one every minute with my eyes on the inside' look is just more endearing in a way. More inviting.

4) Physical headcanons (sleeping habits, favourite food, all that)

It is a no-brainer but for the starters, absolutely he is capable of making spider webs like this, however he doesn't need to catch any food. He just doesn't need nourishment anymore as his body is perfectly adapted for existing within Nightmare realm, according to Miyazaki he turned into a monster from much Insight, he is a cursed equivalent of a Kin! The only food he needs anymore is more Insight xD However, not needing food doesn't mean he can't eat. I think he will still gladly squash and eat blue slugs and other 'cosmic' phantasms, as some form of asserting dominance as cursed, demonic Kin before cosmic cutesy goodie-goodie creatures.

Patches could always see and hear through Rom's concealment just alright as well, he sees as much as an average Amygdala. And I concluded from how he is encountered at a random house after Amelia is killed + how he is a merchant in the dungeons that he can travel between Nightmare and 'reality' easily. It is not even limited to reflective surfaces like with Micolash; Patches simply moves between cracks of realms that he can see. Rom is supposed to have the ability too but she is a dummy thicc and only uses natural 'teleporting' of Spiders to move barely few meters forward :pensive:

He has grown a bit bad at perceiving more 'normal' things though - Hunter being able to creep up at Patches is not even the final form of it. At this rate Patches is just too used to seeing and hearing exclusively otherwordly things, so unless he deliberately focuses or expects you to do something harmful against him - it is extremely easy to catch him off guard. You can outright put a gun right to his head and if he doesn't expect you to harm him - he won't notice it with his side vision at all, nor he will hear it clicking. Just too stuck up with the voices of Great Ones to perceive things from just a normie human effectively.

5) Social headcanons (what do they think of their friends/allies if they have any, what are they looking for in relationship, what people tend to think about them…)

He doesn't get attached to people and it's been like this for a long time now, however when he was able to feel attached he would still never leave himself open. Like in any other realm, I believe Patches is not his real name but a pseudonym he permanently adopted. Giving someone your name means to give them your identity, and so far not a single new soul learned his real name! He would not want to give it even if he was to genuinely fall in love with someone, however if you are somehow to learn his name anyway, he'll make sure it 'doesn't mean anything'.

At this point in time, his ideal relationship is to simp for whoever is the current God that is useful for him xD He distanced from attraction to someone equal (?) very far. Patches always had ability to take just a glance at someone to get them all figured but it became only "worse" with his enlightenment so... what is the point to form very deep bonds with humans (and pthumerians) anymore? He is cynical about 99% of the people, his favouritism starts and ends at not giving genuinely kind and generous people to Amygdala. A bit hypocritical to be so picky considering he himself is full of vice but that's what we love/hate him for xd

Back when he still walked on his two he used to be very flirty, mostly with pretty women, but again never thought of seeking big trusting love. Most people are too morally depraved even if they hide it well, but truly good people he would not want to ruin with his bad touch! Most girls found him annoying at first but could not help it and crawled back if he'd stop with his teasing (if you are charismatic then you are charismatic lol).

He had attracted some people in his life that tried to get under his skin and break through his "tsundere" shell, to decide for him what he 'really' needed and analyse him, all of which he ditched by leaving them to die somewhere in the pit and all of which he'd still be angry at if he even remembered them anymore in his new life as a Spider. Not because they were entitled 'I can fix him' losers, or course... But because even the dumbest ones of them were right about him. However he is too stubborn, it is and has always been too much favour for anyone to have that sort of 'control' over him.

I do think his disdain for clerics used to be as present in Bloodborne verse as in any other, it is just that at this rate he learned so much about humanity and the world that there is no point to give them special honour. Nonetheless the specified distaste from his end had evolved into specifically looking down on stars-worshipping researchers like Choir, Ebrietas is pretty much the opposite of Amygdalas.

6) Psychological headcanons (tastes, fears, talents, regrets, how they deal with anger, just anything that comes to mind on the topic)

One of the things Patches kept despite 'advancing' is holding petty grudges, he could pout at as much as you making him feel guilty when he 101% deserves it! Remember that he doesn't sell to you or gives you a rune if you refuse to take his attempt to sacrifice you lightly. He knows he is not perfect, he knows as long as his identity still persists through Arcane enlightenment he is as bad as people he looks down on, yes. But if you make Patches feel bad about it, he will make sure it becomes your problem and your fault. xd If he learned to deal with secret guilt and wounded pride maturely that just would no longer be him... so, passive aggression ftw.

It is probably self-explanatory that he is prone to double standards and hypocrisy, just see him in just one game and it's transparent. When someone calls him out on it, depending on how attractive they are in his eyes he will either try to flirt his way out of the conversation or just throw salty 'no, u' spirited accusation and never be seen again. It is honestly just easier to let him be in control if you want to stick around for friendship/flirting/whatever, for anyone that ever tried to "change" him his stubbornness appeared to be so insanity-inducing that Frenzy is barely a status effect in comparison!

He early developed very unsettingly easy attitude to death and loss of dear people, even before Yharnam crashed and burned. He would still ensure fate worse than death if someone was to kill his friend, sure, but the loss itself he gets over with quite lightly. Perhaps it is just the ability to remember and appreciate the good memories if the person was worth it.

As a human he used to have quite a temper when things were not going his way. As a Spider though, he abandoned active aggression altogether, sense of being superior by how much he learned and who his friends are (Cthulhu moms) fixes up plenty of cracks in the ego, you feel?

His regrets almost exclusively have to do with not having spent enough time with some people while it still mattered - especially his mother whom he hasn't seen ever since he left in the Amygdalae cult. He wanted to check on her from time to time but every time he was stopped by realising just how huge is the rift between them now. When his friends would ask him if he talked to her like he wanted, naturally, he'd cheerfully lie about having had a great chat and catching up with the news and having no hard feelings.

His tastes in people, more often women, are either very shy easily flustered temperament ones, or extremely strong and big and confident unattainable menacing people that will wipe the floor with him, no in-between. He gets awkward and bails in emotionally hard moments though because to comfort someone he'd need to open his own heart, and that's a no-no! He will claim that "emotional swing has ruined the mood" and that he "did not know he'd pick a crybaby" however that's not what he genuinely thinks. In actuality he'd feel disgusted with himself but... Yeah he is the type to allow insecurities he refuses to address to turn into spikes that wound others.

Okay, I feel like at this rate he is becoming more sad than he is supposed to be so let's move onto next question already!

8) Made-up connections with other characters that weren’t in the canon (friends, enemies, whatever)

Upon doing this response I realised that it’d made more sense to place connections as 7 and ships as 8 instead because one can explain another, depending on the amount of context! But I was not prepared for getting both 7 and 8 in any way, hehe. So I’ll just break the row and go with 8 first!

Rom - Patches was probably the one assisting Rom’s initiation with Nightmare Apostles. They would get along pretty well still, however Patches would need to overcome initial uneasiness with her as she sees through every prank attempts from him by sheer intuition. However they were interacting even before. He is pleasantly surprised as Rom gets the courage to delve into more cursed knowledge, ‘forbidden by stars’, but feels respect he is even willing to admit when turns out she is doing this not only out of blind trust to her brother’s (Micolash’s) crazy ascension plan, but out of true curiosity, too. Until this point Patches has been falsely presuming she was just a friendly pushover blinded by admiration with Micolash, so he has a soft spot in his heart for her as one of very few people he failed to get all figured. Even softer spot when Rom proceeds evolving in GO form and grows 16 legs, as opposed to regular Nightmare Apostle’s 12, though at this rate not even other Great Ones can comprehend what she’s thinking.

Micolash - The sibling Patches sees more often than Rom, especially after Micolash occupies Yahar’gul for good and shows determination to peer deeper into lost knowledge of Pthumerians of Pthumeru Ihyll. Bloodborne is complicated, such is Patches’ situation with clerics in it; whereas Choir and School of Mensis are part of the Healing Church, they are isolated societies pursuing ascension and knowledge rather than greed and vain, insane ambitions. Patches can respect this, as bitter as he is for having to thank a Church boy for helping to restore communication with Amygdalas. They have strained relationship though. Patches is scared of Micolash as he is just as cunning and twisted as himself but with added layer of insanity. Resents him because he has much more authority and charisma over other Nightmare Apostles. But also he respects sincerity of his pursuit. And he loves gossiping and joking with Micolash very much whenever they find a person they both hate. They still chat sometimes in Nightmare of Mensis however Patches’ interest had lessened a lot when Micolash turned back to Kos. We’ve been there already! If your God is not answering to you, seek another one or work your own way up! Where did all that self-respect and confidence suddenly go?

Lonely Old Dear (Irma) - With my love for using cut concepts, of course I’d grab and use the cut idea of Patches being her child! The last person currently present that remembers his soft side and knows his secrets. She remembers him early developing a habit of concealing his tears and making a happier face before the mirror, not willing to show his vulnerability and troubles with his father, and she’s proud of him for that. Irma never insisted that he should share his pain and ease himself, presuming he will seek her advice when he needs it on his own. ...But, past some point, it stopped happening. At all. And then he distanced altogether for his weird Pthumerian-leaning cult. He did not see her as one mentally prepared for what he discovered and wished no harm on her, however just talking to her would have done much more for her mental health than leaving her in the dark on where did he go and what he’s doing, really.

Chester - I still like to draw connection between Dark Souls and Bloodborne (not as in ‘they’re same universe’ but as in ‘they’re different universes but from time to time they intersect, usually it is fault of Great Ones’) and you maybe noticed his aesthetic is different, his movements are agility-based like hunter’s and his dialogue might sound like and Amygdala snatched him and teleported him from Yharnam! Well, but they already had a strange friendship since Yharnam. They shared love for trolling people and sometimes would butt heads on their approach (Patches is sleazy and Chester is more direct!), or if they have accidentally selected the same person to ambush (that one comedy trope where while two idiots argue, the idiot they were against quietly sidewalks away xd). However, Chester defended Patches for many times as someone who has actual Hunter skills.

I see both of these characters as the type to hate anyone who is too similar to them, so it is their differences (that reach point of fighting sometimes) that keep either of them from backstabbing another. They also give each other advices on how to charm ladies better - and to the surprise of absolutely fucking no one, advices from one fail the other terribly. This friendship is full of conflicts, but ‘healthy’ ones that end as easily as they started. Patches did, in fact, had to witness Amygdala snatch him... But like I said, his ability to overcome grief is disturbingly good - besides deep down he was prepared for a hunter of all people to die young. It happened when Patches was already ears deep in his weird cult and he could accept. However he never learned that what Amygdala did try to do was splitting Chester across universes so every version of Patches would have a version of him by the side. Unfortunately it did not work as not even Amygdala yet comprehended specifics of Patches’ ‘anomaly’, so all that happened was just moving him elsewhere. I question if Patches would have been way more upset at the Paleblood Hunter for killing this specific Amygdala if he knew how much she cared for his practically friendless ass in her own weird way lol

Vicars - ‘Normie’ Healing Church that is after Blood Ministration, not Eyes on the inside, is naturally hated by Patches, however they’d rarely interact directly. He thinks Laurence was a fool but one with good heart, he misses him, especially after Ashton, his (extremely cringy and depraved) confidant that ruined the remains of institution’s decency. He and Micolash used to mock Ashton at every chance they’d get, verbally or practically. By the point Norbert drops by, Patches is too entranced by Nightmare and Eldrich Truth to even bother, however around Amelia’s time he’d started feeling nostalgic and checking on the waking world for more than just seeking new victims. There is something about the way Amelia fell into despair upon realising nature of institution she was roped into since young age, something about the way she quit wearing Church’s sigil, something about the way she never prepared a successor, something about the way she sees Laurence as the only one who ‘understood’, something about the way she killed clerics that kept brainwashing her that keeps Patches from hating her entirely... He is not even sure what. But he sometimes gives her useful advices, without being seen. She just accepts him as a strange unseen friend.

7) Ship(s) with them that I like or at least consider

Well, since I already went on tangent about what amazing, sensitive and emotionally mature partner he'd indeed make (/s /s /s), needless to mention that ships with him would be moreso playful and not go too deep - for the sake of both his partner and himself.

I like to think about him and Rom sometimes, this might have easily been a fleeting thing in the past. My Rom falls for comedic trope of the naive, oblivious, sweet character that constantly sees through plans and bullshit on pure accident so she'd upset him as impossible to prank person. However she is also all so relaxing and cute and giggles at the slightest compliment! She is convenient for Patches if anything - able to understand him well but not trying to "fix" him, taking his flaws easy but not being just a mindless pushover. She'd give him fun and relaxation he lacks, and he'd keep her permanently excited to not roll into laziness and despair. Besides they ended with the same ‘religion’.

And I guess I sorta did make a solid connection between him and Chester? I just like to think sometimes, of them being that sort of friends that endured many sorts of failures and bitter experiences in attempts to get relationships... that they realised they were all they needed all along. xd Feels more like a close friendship with added intimacy than something super big but it might be enough. However, since they are both concealing their real names (who names their kid Chester? /j /j /j just a headcanon), they’re equal here and if they ever decided to reveal their real names to anyone, that’d be each other!

sksdgfds no, seriously, I do not have much shippy thoughts about him due to comic-relief-concealed Hell I envision his character as. I am however always here for any sort of just happy, chill kissy-cuddly moments with him and any character! I just do not have a ship I'd feel strongly about, let alone an 'OTP', but he can still get some affection sometimes ok!

9) Headcanons about their past

- He last seen his father when he was very little, however from Irma’s line when Paleblood Hunter kills her, I presume the guy was rather aggressive and abusive - whether on his own or from the Hunt getting to him. Or maybe he ended up perceiving what he was only yet to understand? Me and @val-of-the-north speculate his father had to be from Pthumerian line - explaining Patches’ bleach white skin in this setting, presence in the dungeons and increased interest to the Arcane. Nonetheless, although he can’t remember his father’s name, the face and the name, the scar remained; Patches was a gloomy and sad kid for only a bit, and then developed a habit of taking everything easy as he realised that “nobody liked a crybaby”.

- Had a rather nice settlement with other Amygdala fanatics in Yahar’gul until Healing Church had gotten there eventually as well. It was only a matter of time since they were occupying everything. It was quite a struggle as for “mysterious reasons” any and all attempts of the Church to settle properly kept being sabotaged. Clerics even started to claim the place had to be too cursed even for them xD That was, until Micolash took matters in his hands and offered the thing they could not refuse - an effective way to communicate with Amygdalas! Patches is forever bitter for having to thank who counts as Healing Church personnel nonetheless, but it quickly turned obvious Micolash was a “cleric” in name only and he was someone worth sticking around with.

- My current idea about anomaly with a version of him present across different timelines is that his Bloodborne incarnation is the progenitor. Some characters like Queen Yharnam and Rom are known to have at least two bodies - one in Nightmare, another in the waking world, guaranteeing their technical immortality. I think Patches was attempting to do the same - and a mirror is a crucial element in this ‘splitting’ ritual. Unfortunately, his ritual got interrupted with mirror scattering when he was still reflected by it! That guaranteed not a split between ether and physical, but instead him fracturing as a concept, but a timeline can’t have more than one of the same person to avoid paradox... So it solved its own problem and ‘dispersed’ him, guaranteeing Patches’ birth and roughly similar fate and personality across every nearby timeline! Thankfully, he at least still did accomplish immortality - when we ‘kill’ him, he is still present, just avoids us.

- I very badly wanted to say that he should have been one of Byrgenwerth scholars! But it has underwater rocks, such as how initially Byrgenwerth and Healing Church were inseparable. But... it used to be an institution of history and archaeology even prior that, right? So I think he did manage to get in there, being amongst very first students such as Caryll and Laurence! But as soon as they attempted to create a corrupt system that would eventually wreck this town? He just never showed up for the class ever again. Somehow he just knew, and he knew right, and in just few years ‘Healing Church’ started to feel like hostile aliens for him and not fellow scholars from Byrgenwerth that picked a different part. But now that Byrgenwerth is stuck between Nightmare and ‘reality’ and is immortalised (save for slime scholars and nosy Choir staff showing from time to time), he can delve in his nostalgia and just stay here for most of the time. This area just feels cosy, brings back good memories.

10) Content about them I’d like to see more of

Not to be that one guy, but... just any content of this particular incarnation of Patches would do. xD It feels like most people just see this version of him as a shitpost, however, Nightmare Apostles (the spider people) are a very real and solid lore hint as silly as they look!

Thank you so much for asking though!

#bloodborne #patches the spider #bloodborne headcanons #fandomry rambles #ask replies #use later #this is a very long patches post if i do say so myself hahaha #you killed me (worth it tho)#big post #tbh not very big but rather 'full of info'#10 asks is a crowd my guys #it took me a long time sorry

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a-slut-for-smut · 2 years

Text

one more time anon, this time with more FEELING all in due time, my dear "anon"

in my defense its another dummy thicc, chonky boi chapter, probably double the length of the last BUT im clockin in at double digit smut scenes (not even including the nanamei one lol) so hopefully that makes up for the delay esp for anyone needin dat gojohime smut 😁

As far as an update tho, i wanna say its like...85% there? It's really those pesky parts- what do you writers call them? plot? - that are holding me back. Also dedicated a good chunk giving love to the relationship between my fav homegirls Uta, Mei and Shoko. It's usually the case in shounen manga that the women get shafted as far as backstory/character development so my brainrot wanted to do right by them. Anyway, have a little preview for the time being (and Ao3 link if you missed this smutty dumpster fire of a fic):

******

The Annual teachers conference commences in Tokyo as usual, the students are sent home for a long weekend while the faculty makes assessments and updates in regards to overall student performance and the like. Utahime threatens Gojo not to address their relationship in public or he will severely regret it; he concedes but despite his blindfold she can feel all his eyes boring into her in every shared meeting they have. She chooses to ignore it, eager to catch up with the girls. They meet at their usual spot at the fountain for lunch, chatting lightly about the students and work in between bites.

As they finish eating, Mei Mei suddenly turns to Utahime with a playful glint in her eye.

“So, how was that baseball date with Gojo? Was it, how would you say, a home run?

Utahime narrows her eyes; Mei Mei being Mei Mei with not minding her business- her bloody crows were freaking everywhere. This time though, she’d play along.

“Yah. Ended with a grand slam. Good game.” She replies boredly. Shoko chuckles as she lights a cigarette.

“Oh!” Mei smiles deviously. “Well, that's good to hear. So…will there be uh, repeat games? I get the impression the star player swings a mean bat, really knows how to put on a show.”

Utahime rolls her eyes; already tired of Mei’s obsession with pun games.

“Well, you know me. Large penis is always welcome.”

As Mei laughs at her candor while Shoko nods in silent approval; completely unfazed at Utahime’s admission. She had been well aware of the undeniable sexual tension between her and Gojo for years and it was only a matter of time.

“Indeed! But is that all it is then?” Mei inquires coyly.

Utahime shrugs. “Good d*ick is good d*ick. What more needs to be said? Besides…” Utahime continues with a mischievous grin of her own, “…I could ask you the same about Nanami-kun. He plays a little golf, doesn't he? How’s his stroke game? I imagine he serves a hole in one every time.” She wiggles her eyebrows. Oh, how she relished serving Mei a taste of her own medicine.

It’s Mei’s turn to narrow her eyes. “My dear Uta, I don't know what in heaven’s name you’re talking about.”

Shoko’s eyes widened at the recent development. “You and Nanami??? My god, you two…I should call the cops, I can’t believe I'm friends with a bunch of cradle thieves.”

All three laugh at that when suddenly Gojo bursts onto the scene out of nowhere.

“HEY LADIES! What’s so funny? Whatcha talking about???” He inquires in his trademark singsong voice. “Anything interesting???”

“Gojo!” Utahime hissed. “What the hell- how long have you been here? Were you spying on us again???”

“No! I just got here, honest!” He lied through his teeth, having heard everything.

Utahime moves to interrogate but Mei interjects before they can continue their lovers' quarrel.

“Yes, we were discussing some very interesting topics. Rumor has it you hang monster dong Gojo, care to elaborate?” She inquired saccharinely with a sly grin.

I WILL CUT THIS BITCH!!! Utahime screeched internally; it took everything in her power to school her face into a neutral expression and remain tight-lipped. She would not give Mei Mei the pleasure of a dramatic outburst.

Gojo rubs the back of his head uncomfortably. “Well, you know what they say…its a LONG story, heh.”

Shoko chimes in. “We’ve got time. We’ve got 40 minutes until the next conference meeting.”

All three ladies look up at Gojo expectantly.

“Uh,” he chuckles nervously. “…come on now, what exactly am I to you girls? Just some giant, walking, talking d*ick?”

The women stare at him blankly for an uneasy two seconds as a gentle breeze whistles past, before they slowly turn towards each other. Upon eye contact they all erupt in a howling fit of hysterical laughter.

“SENPAI- NO, ALL OF YOU- SO MEAN!!!!” Gojo cried, throwing his arms up dramatically.

“Come on Gojo, you totally set yourself up for that one!” Shoko retorts, wheezing.

“Oh Gojo-kun,” Utahime taunts, tone full of mirth, “take your clothes off like a good little bitch boy, and come give mama some of that sweet, sweet meat.” She slaps her inner thighs enthusiastically in a cackling fit.

The women roar with raucous laughter; Gojo a daunted witness to them wheezing and falling over each other with an expression that could only be described as a shocked Pikachu face as the author lacks any discernible writing talent.

#gojohime #gojo satoru #iori utahime #mei mei #ieiri shoko #nanami kento #nanamei #sugushoko #originally i had implied sugushoko but i moved it to another scene where it fit better but ill still tag it #nanami x mei mei #suguru x shoko #jjk fanfic #jujustu kaisen #jjk #gouta #gojo x utahime

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