#and maybe look into medication if it's possible

[samkerrworshipper]

your moms are here

leah williamson x reader, jordan nobbs x reader, (wobbs as coparents)

part 5 of beautiful girl series pt.1 -> pt.2 -> pt.3 -> pt.4

warnings: if your any bit emotionally unstable this isn’t for u x

You didn’t expect to wake up, let alone wake up warm and in a fraction of the amount of pain you’d been in the last time you’d been conscious enough to feel anything.

Your eyes were still crammed shut, your chest still hurt, your body was still shaking, but you felt better, less like you were dangling on the cliff of life and death, you weren’t sure where you were, or if you were even alive.

Was this they greater beyond?

Was it the warmth of death’s embrace?

You knew it wasn’t, because there was still the dull pain and the tension all over your body. You didn’t believe that life after death was anything, that it was actually some overwhelming cloud of happiness and perfection, but if it did exist, if there was some kind of heaven, this wasn’t it.

You thought about the places you could be, in bed at Matt’s house, in bed at your mom’s house, in bed at some kidnappers house, in bed at rehab.

You quickly eliminated each option, the bed and sheets weren’t the same from your bed or Matt’s, kidnappers didn’t normally concern themselves with comfortability, and in your mind rehab would have more detoxing, screaming, junkies.

Out of pure fear, you tried to crack your eyes open, it wasn’t easy, but with some concentration that made your forehead feel like it was being split open, you managed to slowly crack your right eye open. There was sleep and tears keeping your eyelashes stuck together, which made it far harder then it should have been, the blinding white light directly above your head wasn’t much help either.

You took back what you thought, everything hurt.

From your toenails to the follicles on top of your head, it felt like every single nerve in your body was being plucked and split in half.

Your whole body curled itself up into a ball, it made the shaking a little bit less like your body was being exorcised.

You realised very quickly as your eye became accustomed to the light around you that you were in the last place you possibly wanted to be.

You should have clocked on to it, based on the persistent beeping noise coming from above you and the cords that were connected to your arm.

They’d dropped you off out the front of a fucking hospital.

Or someone had found you and called a ambulance.

Or your moms had taken you to the hospital.

Or you were in some sick twisted dream.

With the rest of the energy that was left in your body you managed to crack open your other eye, it wasn’t easy, but it helped you feel more aware of your surroundings.

It was a surprisingly quiet hospital, or at least by your standards.

You tried to sit up, but it was no use, your body was completely spent, all of the energy felt like it had been completely pulled from your body.

Withdrawals, maybe.

Or the reaction of the opioid with the stimulant.

Those were your best guesses as to how you’d ended up feeling like death.

You didn’t have to wait long to find out, the curtain which was keeping you contained from the rest of the ER was opened up, a nurse waltzing her way over to your bedside.

You couldn’t help but feel a little bit vulnerable, you could hardly move your body and had a lot less control over it then you would have liked.

“Miss dump and run awakens.”

Dump and run.

You couldn’t decide whether or not you were mad with your friends, on one hand, it was smart of them to drop you off at an er. They had no medical knowledge, they were druggies, they didn’t need a dead body on their hands. On the other hand, they’d left you, deserted you, left you for dead.

The nurse moved to your IV and monitor, looking at the different flashing numbers and writing them down on her clipboard, before she looked down and addressed you properly.

“Had a lot of drugs in your system for such a wee thing like yourself. Your friends were smart to drop you here, you would have been as good as dead with that much meth in your system for any longer. I’ve seen a lot of overdoses in my day, you might just take the cake though, darlin’.”

Overdose?

A fucking overdose?

You’d been doing drugs for months now, meth, a smidge of coke, little bits of molly and LSD, a little sprinkle of heroin, opioids a couple of times, plenty of weed. Not once had you ever overdosed, you’d never seen someone overdose, you’d come to think it was urban myth.

You’d hardly taken anything, two shoot ups within a couple of hours of each other, it wasn’t something you’d done before but it also wasn’t exorbitant or something you hadn’t seen other people do.

“Sorry, an overdose?”

You were still shaking, it was less obvious underneath the shitty hospital blanket that was on top of you, but you were still shaking like a leaf in the wind.

“Yup, think you had more meth in your blood stream then blood. The saline should flush it all out until your guardians get here.”

Guardians?

What?

What the actual fuck was this nightmare that you were stuck in.

“Sorry, my guardians?”

The nurse looked back down at her clipboard.

“Ms Williamson and Ms Nobbs? We’re obligated to call emergency contacts in life threatening circumstances and those were the ones that were on your phone, they should be here soon enough.”

You didn’t care that you couldn’t moved, you needed to leave.

“I want to discharge, now.”

The nurse looked at you like you had gone silly, like you were in a psychiatric ward instead of the emergency one.

“You’re underage, and you’d have to sign a waiver saying that you are aware you’re going against doctors orders, a lot of paperwork, and you’d actually have to be strong enough to walk out of here, which I can promise you is not happening any time soon,”

The nurse pointed to the IV bag.

“There’s still another hour or so left on this, until it’s done that dizzines your experiencing and the weakness isn’t going to pass. You’re frighteningly dehydrated and full of methamphetamines.”

Fuck.

You were so fucking fucked.

“Please, I’ll sign whatever forms, just let me leave, please.”

You didn’t know how you planned to leave, considering you weren’t even mobile enough to roll onto your back to look at the nurse properly, eye to eye.

“You get up and walk to my desk where the papers are and you can leave, how’s that sound, sweetheart?”

You want to yell directly into her face and tell her to let you fucking leave. But you don’t, you have a inch of self-respect that prevents you from doing it.

“Please.”

You’ve never liked to beg, you did enough of it during your youth, begging for your mom to not leave you home alone every night, begging for things to get better, begging for your life to get better, and it had. Jordan and Leah had introduced you to a whole new world, a beautiful world, the kind of world you’d read about as a child, they’d given you anything and everything you’d wanted growing up. You’d become gracious, but promised yourself that you’d never beg in the same way that you always had, but when your life had been turned upside down, you’d reverted back to your old ways.

“I have a daughter of my own, y’know, around your age. If she was in your situation all I would care about is her being okay, that’s whats most important.”

You rolled your eyes, you were certain of one things, your moms would be mad, you were surprised they were coming at all, everyone had deserted you, it felt like you had nobody.

“Can i get something for the pain?”

You were intelligent enough to know that the iv was detoxing you at a rapid rate, whilst it was saving your life, it also meant that you were going to be sent into withdrawals a lot faster then you should have. You weren’t going to get your hands on meth, clearly. So you needed a substitute, luckily, you were currently sitting in a hospital which was filled with every single painkiller known to man.

“Good try honey, a part from the fact that your bloodstream and body couldn’t even handle a tylenol at the minute, I’m also not going to give an addict drugs, just hang in honey, the chest pain and muscle cramps should start to pass soon.”

Just as she was finishing, your eyes darted to the emergency room doors, which were now hanging open as your two moms and Lia walked through the doors.

Jordan was dressed in the same sweats she’d been in all morning, her face was red and puffy, eyes bloodshot and still full of tears.

Leah looked more put together, she had a pair of slacks on and a clean shirt, her eyes were as red as Jordan’s but she appeared to have put on more of a brave face.

Your eyes darted everywhere, looking for some kind of escape, or to stop their fast steps that were slowly getting closer to you with every millisecond that passed.

There was no hope for you.

If the drugs hadn’t killed you then your moms would.

Leah managed to cross into your makeshift room first, her eyes flashing across every inch of your body. You expected her to ask the nurse a question, or yell at you, but she didn’t.

She walked straight to your bedside, your nurse moving out of the way, and without you being aware of what was happening, wrapped her arms around your body.

You didn’t hug your moms a lot anymore.

In the start, when you’d started out with them, it had taken a lot of effort from them to make you trust them with that kind of contact, but eventually, you’d become reliant on their hugs, the shoulder pats, the little motherly touches here and there that you’d never gotten as a kid.

When they’d broken up, the hugs and contact had faded, similarly to the love in the house, it was like everything personal, everything that made Leah’s house a home had been drained.

“You’re okay, thank god you’re okay.”

Leah’s body lingered on your own body long enough for Jordan’s arms to wrap around your body on the other side of you.

You hadn’t been hugged by the both of them in over a year, you felt guilty for wishing that this wouldn’t be a one time thing, that you could have this whenever you wanted. That wasn’t your life though, it wasn’t your reality, it wasn’t reality.

You let yourself relax, you knew you’d regret it when the moment ended, it’d make it that much harder to realise you couldn’t have this, but you let yourself enjoy it whilst you had it.

It lasted longer than you’d thought, it was hard, Jordan hugs were addictive. You didn’t get them a lot anymore, occasionally you’d get a hug from Leah, once every blue moon when she wanted one, but it wasn’t like this. It wasn’t body on body, feelings on feelings, love on love.

You didn’t know if you knew what love felt like anymore, over the years it had been distorted, you were certain that love could only be given to a person in transaction. It’s why you’d tried to be perfect, the perfect kid, the perfect student, the perfect player. You’d given up when Jordan had left, it didn’t matter anymore, there wasn’t enough love to be shared around between you and Leah. Love to you, was a privilege, not something that everyone had extra of. You had to earn love, or at keast that;s how you’d always seen it. You’d never been good enough for your own parents, that’s how you’d ended up with Jordan and Leah, from them you’d always craved that love, the love you’d never gotten and you’d been willing to do anything for it, you still were.

“We love you so much chicky, so much.”

You enjoyed the little murmurs, the little whispers in your ears that were so heartfelt and meaningful that you could feel the tears of your moms dripping down each side of your neck.

All good things come to and end, but it didn’t make it any easier.

Leah, unsurprisingly was the first to turn to your nurse.

“They didn’t tell me anything on the phone, just that we needed to come here, she’s okay?”

Your nurse nodded at your mom.

“Yes ma’am, we’re flushing her out right now. She wants to discharge herself, it’s going against medical advice but she’s free to once she’d done with her iv and she’s regained some strength.”

Jordan sat down on the bed next to you, leaving a big enough gap of space that you could still feel her presence but weren’t pressed up against her, she was listening just intently as Leah to the nurse.

“Flushing her out? Of what?”

Fuck.

You’d never ever, in your life, known Leah to not be inquisitive, she needed and wanted answers to everything, but this was worrying you. There were things you kept a secret for a reason.

“Methamphetamines, she had a pretty high amount circulating in her body. I can get the doctor to come and talk to you about it. Her body had built up a decent tolerance, she took it a lot better than you or I would. Apart from that she’s in fairly good condition, although the doctor did have some concerns about some scratches and bruises that seemed consistent with domestic or sexual abuse.”

You watched, in a series of moments, your mothers face fall more and more as the nurse kept speaking. Leah was pretty good at having a poker face, she had to for her job, she also kept a brave face for life though. You’d hardly seen a break in her resolve since her injury but right now, she was keeping nothing hidden. You felt Jordan’s body go rigid behind you as well, you knew shit was about to get real.

You considered strangling yourself with the blanket on top of you, or drowning yourself in the toilet bowl in the adjacent bathroom. It sounded better than the conversation that was about to occur.

“You’re daughter is very lucky, stupid, but lucky. Her friends ditched her at the front door, if they had of been any later she’d be in far worse condition. She was here just quick enough for us to counteract the drugs and stop them from effecting her mental cognition. Her friends shouldn’t have ditched her, or let her get that far gone, but you should be grateful they were at least smart enough to take her somewhere she could get help. I’m going to go find the doctor, he can talk to you about different option you have, and I’ll leave you guys to talk for a little bit, okay?”

Leah nodded, dumbfoundedly, trying her best to smile at the nurse as she made her way towards the exit of your room, closing the curtains and then the door.

Leah pivoted as soon as she was gone, looking down at you with so much horror and pain that you could feel it in your gut.

“Meth, bubba? You’ve been doing meth?”

The sentence hung in the air for a few seconds, filling up all of the space, you hoped that after a couple of seconds that it would disappear, like it had never been said.

“It’s not a big deal.”

You should have chosen your words more precisely, but you were finding it hard to think with all of the drug haze clouding your head.

“Not a big deal? You told me it was the vape, then it was weed, then it was coke and now iut’s fucking meth? There is nothing not big about that bubba. This isn’t just something you can do for fun, this isn’t okay, this is serious. You could die from this. You almost did. You’re 17. 17 year olds aren’t supposed to die. Why bubba? What made you want to do this, not just to yourself but to your life, to everyone. Do you know how scared your mother and I have been. The whole team has been calling up hospitals and roaming the streets looking for you. We’ve been terrified.”

Guilt was one of the best ways to make a person admit they were wrong, you knew it, you’d watched your moms manipulate each other during the break up the same way. They’d use something against the other until it spiralled into a massive fight which would end with someone sleeping at a teammates house or on the couch.

“I’m sorry, okay? Can we just go home? I want to go home.”

Another poor choice in words apparently by the look on Leah’s face.

“No we can’t just go home, we need to talk about this bubba, you overdosed on meth. You have a tolerance for it, which means you’ve been using it for a while. You have bruises and you’re in a hospital bed unable to move. You’re addicted to a drug that I would have thought you’d have absolutely no interest in. You’ve got a disease bubba, you’ve got an addiction and we’re going to work it out, we’ll fix it.”

Similar to being a control freak, Leah was also a person who wanted to fix everything. No problem was big enough for her, apparently your whole life wasn’t either.

“Mom this isn’t a disease, this isn’t like fucking cancer or something. I made a choice, I have it under control, this is my life. I’m choosing to live it this way.”

Your mom looks like she’s about to lose her shit.

“I understand that you think you have this under control and that you think this is the best way to be living your life but it fucking isn’t. I understand you’re struggling, but this isn’t okay, you’re a kid, you can;t be doing this.”

Worst thing you can tell a addict, you can’t take drugs.

Because yes you most certainly can, it’s a free motherfucking country.

“I understand what I’m doing, it doesn’t make me a bad person or any different from your or mama. You don’t like who i am anymore, not since i quit football and stopped being who you wanted me to be, I’ve changed and you have to accept that, this is me mom, this is who I am.”

Leah looked flabbergasted.

“You want me to just nod my head and accept my daughter is a junkie, right? That’s the permission you are seeking, you aren’t going to get it bubba, this isn’t anywhere near okay. This isn’t you, people change, I change, you’re allowed to be different then how you were a couple of years ago. Drugs isn’t how you change yourself, it’s not how you reinvent yourself. You can’t live your whole fucking life like this because guess what, you’ll end up dead. Addiction is a degenerative disease, it is incurable, it is deadly, it’s no fucking different from cancer and you’ve got it. I understand that, you’ve got an addiction, we’ll figure it out. I am not going to enable you to keep abusing a substance that will kill you. You’ve got a death wish and I won’t sit by and allow it to happen. I thought I was cool, I thought it was good of me to be accepting that you’re a teenager and you were going to do stupud stuff, I let you get away with much more than I should have. I’m sorry, I’m sorry that if I gave you to much space that you felt the need to do this, I’m sorry that I wasn’t a good enough parent to see the warning signs, but I won’t let you kill yourself bubba, not when I can stop it from happening.”

Jordan was still silent, as passive as ever, she’d always taken a backseat, the silent enabler.

“You’ve got no fucking idea what I’m going through, I’m sorry I scared you, but I don’t have to explain my actions to you, you understand nothing about what I’m dealing with.”

The first time you sweared in the presence of Leah and Jordan was your second day with them. You didn’t even know what swearing was, you’d just picked up words that had been said as you’d been growing up. You hadn’t hesitated to throw a ‘fuck’ out when you’d stubbed your foot on the kitchen bench as you’d been pouring yourself a glass of water.

You’d known something was wrong though when you’d turned around to sit back down at the table with Leah and Jordan and both of them looked like they’d seen a ghost.

You’d hardly swore after that, to your core, you were a people pleaser, you didn’t like to be in trouble, right now though it was like everything you’d grown up with was exiting your body. You felt like a monster, like a version of yourself you didn’t know and it was hard, it was really fucking hard. You didn’t want to break down, you were scared that if you were vulnerable you’d be taken advantage of again, the same way that you friends had, so you put up your won shields.

“I don’t need to know what you’re going through to know that this isn’t good. We’ll get you into rehab, we’ll get you clean, we’re here for you, right Jords?”

You could feel Jordan nodding from behind you.

“I’m not going to rehab, fuck no.”

Leah was pacing, it was what she did when she was stressed, it was a clear tell.

“So, I’m just supposed to allow you back into my house, knowing that you’ve been hiding an addiction from me for months, trust that my drug addicted child will stay clean on her own account and be willing to go through withdrawals and not give in to her own addiction. Do you think I don’t love you, is that it? Because right now you’re telling me that I am expected to allow my daughter to use drugs, lethal drugs that almsot killed her, under my roof, allow you to live your life as you want it, and leave you alone. As a person who loves you and has loved your for the past 9 years of your life, are you actually hearing what you are saying?”

Love.

It was a curious thing, your mother thought she loved you, or at least she felt like she did. Ut was funny how to you, you felt the exact opposite way.

“So what you’re doing this to show me you love me or something? Reality check, you haven’t given a fucking shit about me in months, it’s all about Lia, all about your knee. I’m not selfish enough to expect that you can focus on me whilst your recovering but don’t try and act like you’ve been loving and caring about me this whole time when you haven’t.”

Leah sits herself down, she can only handle so long on her feet nowadays.

“Maybe you should coem stay with me, come to rehab in Birmingham. Bubba, your mom is still struggling.”

You’re more than shocked to hear Jordan pipe up, it reignites something else in you.

“No you don’t get to have a fucking say. You left me, you don’t text anymore, you don’t call. I’m only your kid when it’s convenient for you, which is about 10 days every year. You don’t even try with me, you washed your hands of me a year ago and you don’t get to come back now. You gave me up.”

Your sick of being the understanding one, sick of being the one everybody could burden with their problems, sick of being the fucking scapegoat in every situation.

“Look kid, i think you need to have some more respect for your mothers.”

Lia.

Fucking Lia and her audacity and her fucking butting into all of your family problems.

“No you don’t get a fucking say, you move in a couple of months ago to support my mom and all of a sudden your my third fucking parent. You’ve got nothing to do with me, You don’t get to have a say in anything, you aren’t apart of this fucking family.”

Leah looked like she was having about 30 wars with herself inside of her head, like she was struggling to figure out which side of her brain she should side with.

“Bubba, we’ve talked about this, you need to be respectful to Lia.”

You were sick of everybody telling you that you had to respect people, that you had to follow fucking rules. They wondered why you’d spiralled.

“No, fuck this, fuck you, fuck jordan, fuck everything. I made a series of decisions, ones that I am happy with, this is how I am living my life.”

Leah took a deep breath, before turning to face you.

It was hard looking at her eye to eye, you were putting her through a lot right now, and a part of you deep down felt bad about it. You didn’t want to make your mom feel in pain, you didn’t want her to suffer, it was the last thing you wanted. Without her, you’d be as good as nothing, you’d have absolutely nothing. But you were lashing out, you were as frantic as your sore chest and pumping heart would let you be.

“Bubba. You don’t seen what’s wrong. I do, Jordan and I are sitting here talking to a girl that we don’t know. This isn’t our daughter, this isn’t the girl we’ve raised. You’re going to go to rehab, you’re going to detox, you’re going to get properly clean and once you are we’ll have this conversation again, see if you have a different perspective.”

You didn’t want to have this conversation when you were clean, you wanted to have it now.

“No. If you gave a shit about me, like you’re acting to, you wouldn’t have fucking broken up in the first place. You wouldn’t have torn my life apart, you wouldn’t have done this to me. You wouldn’t have stopped cring about me, you wouldn’t have stopped loving me. Let me go, let me leave. You fucking did this to me and if you want to make it up to me you’ll let me leave.”

You saw Leah’s face fall to another level.

“I can’t do that bubba.”

You felt like you were spinning out of control, like you were in a car that had just fallen over a cliff, and you were slowly doing flip after flip as the car catapulted towards the rocks at the bottom.

“Mom, just let me leave, let me go, please mom, let me leave, let me fucking leave.”

Leah just shook her head at you.

“Bubba, I know it doesn’t feel like it right now, it might not ever. I know me and your mom breaking up was hard for you, you didn’t deserve that, and I’m sorry for that, but neither of us could handle keeping you in a household without love, and I know it’s different now, I’m so sorry for that, I wish we could go back. But we can’t, me and your mom don’t love each other more, we can’t just love each other. We love you though, we love you more then anything else. We would both pick you above anybody in the world, you’re our beautiful little girl, you’re our girl. You’ll never not be our daughter. We chose you years ago and we would choose you again today, everyday, for the rest of our lives. No matter what you do.”

There are big tears dripping down your moms face, you’ve seen her cry plenty in your life, Leah Williamson is known to be an emotional person, but not like this, not with this much anguish and pain in her face, never like this.

“You don’t love me, you can’t fucking love me, I’m not like either of you. I break people apart, I’m a catalyst, everywhere I go, I tear people a part, I wreck their lives. I wrecked my parents, I wrecked you guys relationship, I wrecked my own life. I’m a fucking semi-truck that bulldozes through peoples lives, just let me leave and you guys can be happy again.”

Leah takes a double take, her fists are white from how hard they are holding onto the arms of the chair she’s sat in. You’re surprised she doesn’t yell back at you, but instead of meeting your aggression with an equal amount, she composes herself.

“Bubba, do you know how much I love you, how much your mama and I love you? If you could take all of the words in the english language, it still wouldn’t be enough to describe how much we love you. And if you could gather all of those words together, it still wouldn’t be enough. What we feel for you is everything. I love you more than everything. You don’t pull people a part, you’ve made your mama and I happier than we ever would have been without you. You light up our lives everyday, I know it doesn’t feel like it, but just seeing you everyday is my biggest achievement, it’s the best part of my day. Seeing you grow up to be the person Jord and I raised will forever be the best part of my life. You didn’t tear us apart, if anything you were what kept us together for so long, because being around you made us both so happy, that all of our problems didn’t matter as much. Eventually it was too much though, it had nothing to do with you, it never will, it never did. You’re the light in our life, you are our whole universe. We just want you to be okay, you don’t have to be who you were, people change, but you need to be okay. You’re not okay right now, there isn’t anything wrong with that, it’s okay to not be okay, but me and your mama will find you help if you don’t seek it our yourself. You need to go to rehab, you can’t live your life like this, it isn’t sustainable. Drugs ruin peoples lives. I don’t need to throw stats at you for you to understand the magnitude of drug related deaths, because that’s how this will end, with you dead. You’ve been through so much bubba, you’re so strong, but you don’t always have to be strong, you’re allowed to break down, you’re allowed to have bad days. But drugs isn’t a way to fix that, it’s not a safe coping mechanism, you can’t rely on drugs to solve every problem that you have. You need to get clean. We love you so much, our beautiful girl.”

Everything hurts, your heart, your head, your body. Your eyes and head aren’t clear, it’s like there is a fuzzy haze covering everything, but you believe what Leah is telling you, she’s telling you the honest truth, and you can’t deny that.

#woso #woso community #sammykworshipper thoughts #leah williamson #arsenal wfc #leah williamson x reader #jordan nobbs x reader #jordan and leah #jordan nobbs #golden retriever leah vibes #leah williamson is mother #leah williamson fic #leah williamson imagine #woso imagine #woso fanfics #woso x reader #sammykworshipperfics

[leandra-winchester]

The Tommy timeline is making me insane

We know the 911 writers are REALLY crap about timelines. I mean, just within the Eddie Begins episode there are several dates that just don't add up. I love those writers, but they can't even count to 10, lol.

Tommy was never supposed to come back, so him being in his late 20s-ish in 2005 when Chim joins the 118 was of no consequence, but now that Tommy is back, that makes it really difficult to say how old he really is.

Some people have speculated that he's 45, but I find that too old. Lou was born in Nov 1984, which makes him 39 currently. I could see Tommy being 1-2 years older than that AT MOST.

So let's say Tommy was born in early 1983 and go from there.

He would have started school at 6.5 and finished HS at 18 years old in 2001. Which means he could have joined the army that year and started training to be a helicopter pilot.

There's a program called "From Street to Seat", also sometimes called "High school to Flight School", so that is a possibility. Training would have been around 2 - 2.5 years until he'd achieved the rank of Warranty Officer and be a fully trained helicopter pilot in late 2003. After that, you have to enlist for TEN years at minimum to repay them getting you through flight school.

At that point, the US had entered the war in Afghanistan and just started the one in Iraq.

Tommy could have been stationed anywhere in the US, or been deployed to one of those countries, or at first, as a still very young officer, been deployed to an allied country like Germany. In the early 2000s, there were many bases in Germany where US soldiers were stationed, only serving short missions in Afghanistan or Iraq. So that's an option if we don't want him to be permanently stationed inside a war zone.

Now, how did young Tommy leave the army early so he ended up being a firefighter just two years later?

Well, there's always medical discharge, but if it was for any injury, him already being a member of the team (and by the looks of it no longer a probie) in 2005 is a bit tight. He'd have to recover from his injury, then apply, then be accepted, do the basic training at the academy (18 weeks) and his probie year... so yeah, that's really a very tight timeline.

Another option would have been Don't Ask, Don't Tell. Back then, army members could not be actively asked if they're gay and therefore fired for it, but if they voluntarily disclosed/confirmed it, they would be kicked out.

If he was lucky (and probably the version I'm going for in my fic), and had a very lenient superior officer, he might be offered medical discharge for depression. Usually, that can get you out of the army pretty quickly.

So, to recap:

Born between Jan/June 1983

Finished high school summer 2001, joined the army

Finished flight school in fall 2003, was deployed somewhere or in service in the US

Found out/discharged in early 2004

Started LAFD academy in summer/fall 2004

Started his probie year end of 2004

Just finished it when Chimney joined in (should be late) 2005, at now 22 years old.

Still an incredibly tight timeline, and I wish Chim joining had been more like 2007 or so, but alas. It works.

You are welcome.

And I need to lie down. God I hate inconsistent timelines, lol.

Oh and I just looked it up, and apparently you're only a probie for 6 months at the LAFD, so I guess that makes it a little easier.

I mean, if you shift things around a little, you could even make him only 40 now, born in summer 1983 instead of early. Maybe he was initially gifted and able to enroll in school at just barely 6 years old.

#Tommy Kinard #911

[blood-grove]

odd adjustments

prev <- part 2 -> part 3

adoptive!soap and ghost + adopted!reader

× pairing: soapghost

× summary: the now retired couple decides that there house is feeling a bit empty besides there two cats and german shepard.

× tws: medication, mentions of ptsd, angst, minor injuries

The ride was long they lived ways out from the city which would be a change of pace and scenery.

Simon was quiet through the drive the silence wasn't uncomfortable it was nice you found yourself dozing off here and there along the trip jostled awake by the sudden bumpiness of the road glancing out of the window to see you were pulling up into a gravel drive way.

You grumbled quietly mainly out of tiredness you caught Simons eyes in the car mirror checking up on you as he parked.

"You can head inside out of the rain I'll grab the bags." Simon said as he promptly got out of the car with his own umbrella.

You quickly did the same heading over to the house where a cat waited behind the glass door seeing you it left.

Aw.

The door opened luckily it was unlocked as you stepped inside wiping your feet off on the mat setting your dripping umbrella into the umbrella holder nearby awkwardly shifting around as you stepped into the short hallway glancing around at the pictures on the walls as you made it to the living room the house was quiet aside from the movement upstairs which you could assume was possibly John.

You felt increasingly awkward as you glanced around flinching once the door opened once more Simon coming in holding both your bag and suitcase gently brushing past you as he sat them next to the stairs glancing back at you.

"You can sit anywhere you'd like" He hummed as he headed upstairs and so you did that sitting down on the couch as you slipped your phone from out of your pocket it was a bit cracked but it worked.

You eventually heard footsteps coming down John coming into the room with the grin you remembered.

You found the mohawk funny.

"It's nice ta' finally have you here!..I made some food so you can eat if you want or If your tired yer bedroom is upstairs first on the right its bare bones for now since we didn't know what ye'd like to decorate it with."

His accent was funny.

Oh you should answer.

"Uh um.." You just mumbled which got you a confused look with just made you tense which he noticed.

"Oh ah sorry forgot to mention- Cant hear very well out of my right ear n all supposed to be getting a new hearing aid soon So you may need to shout ever now and then—"

"I'm uh kind of hungry." You spoke up a bit more which John luckily heard this time

"Oh! Good Ah didnae waant the food tae git tae cauld even if its just sandwiches."

This wasn't as awkward as you thought it'd be.

You had eaten chatted up with John a bit more he was a nice guy a lot more talkative than Simon but you knew that from the interviews.

Simon had come down as well not without John badgering his to sit down something about his leg and medication you weren't too nosy.

He'd seemed to be getting the dog situated as he brought her down Riley was her name wasn't it?.

She was a German Shepard you thought as you stretched out your hand towards her with a glance at Simon she sniffed it before licking your hand you guess it smelt like the deli meats from the sandwich.

You scratched behind her ear as her tail wagged.

You'd put up with the awkwardness of adjusting to here for the dog.

Simon and John started talking about something as you pet Riley the rain hadn't really let up and began to pour down a bit harder thunder rumbling out as John mumbled something to Simon the man getting up with a grunt and headed back down the hall.

"He's just going to check if we have lanterns in case the power gives out." You flinched as John spoke you didn't even realize you were staring where Simon had left you just nodded.

"You can go up to your room y'know still early in the day plus so you can unpack and unwind n' all." John glanced at you as he spoke you just nodded again maybe too quickly getting up Riley leaving your side and heading down where Simon had went.

You felt nauseous laying in bed so many things running threw your head.

Also there was a cat on your bed.

You were pretty sure this was Old man, The gruff appearance and the near mustache and beard combo look in his fur fur and the greying hairs.

You held you hand out for him to smell and he just looked at you with near human unamusement.

You pulled your hand back and went back to thinking.

Right.

God what were you thinking about even?

These are good people.

This room is good.

This house is good.

The animals are better.

Why do you have to start spiraling now? Always sinking yourself into doom spiralling.

Hypothetical's that made no sense as the storm just picked up outside.

You grumbled as you got up and started to search through your suitcase Old man had hoped down to watch you as you swallowed trying to ignore the nauseous feeling your now sweaty hands find your medication.

You fumble with the cap always forgetting how to open it before you finally pop it off and dig out a couple of pills swallowing them dry even if you know you shouldn't.

You just tried to focus on not hurling on your new floor taking deep inhales as you shakily dug your fingers into the carpet below sniffling.

Fuck.

a/n: idk why i had to leave on a sad end ALSO I LIED ITS GETTING MORE PARTS

#cod #simon ghost riley #john soap mactavish #soap cod #ghost cod #soapghost #child reader #platonic relationships #platonic love #familial love #fanfic #reader #gn reader #no use of y/n #dad simon riley #dad john mactavish

[theamberfist]

How I Met Her Mother | Part 2 | Tighnari x Reader

Romantic: Tighnari x Collei's Parent! Reader

Description: When Collei and the traveler discover Tighnari's feelings for her adoptive parent, they make it their mission to get them on a date together through a (maybe unnecessarily) elaborate plan.

(Notes: none) (gender neutral reader) (reader is Collei's adoptive parent) (Part 2 of How I Met Her Mother)

Read Part 1 here!

I didn’t plan to do multiple parts originally but @4o3ok3id you ask and you shall receive! <3

Since you'd moved back to Gandharva Ville, you'd been extremely stressed. Between your work as a doctor, helping your daughter with her own health issues, and trying your best not to inconvenience any of the forest rangers, things could be a lot. However, more recently, you'd started to notice a few of those worries easing, as if someone had been lightening the load on your shoulders.

And, of course, that someone happened to be Tighnari; your close friend from back during your Akadamiya days. You didn't think he was aware of the fact that you'd noticed, but you had. He was always offering to take in some of your extra patients since he had some medical expertise himself, even after you'd essentially become Gandharva Ville's personal doctor. He kept you as updated as possible on Collei's condition so you wouldn't be left worrying in the dark, he let her rest in his own hut on her off-but-not-life-threatening days so you wouldn't have to see it, and the amount of times he'd brought over dinner for the two of you due to having 'made too much for himself' so you wouldn't have to worry about cooking was becoming too much to count.

You were extremely touched by it and always tried your best to repay him for his kind acts, though he rarely ever accepted anything, claiming he 'was just doing his job as head forest ranger.' 

You weren't the only one that had started to notice his abnormal kindness towards you and your daughter, though. 

"He brought you guys dinner again?!" Paimon exclaimed a little too loudly as she, Collei, and Aether crouched behind some bushes by your house. "That's, like, the third time since we've been visiting!" 

"I know," Collei replied, "Master Tighnari is very kind, and I think he can tell how stressed they are. I just wish I could do something to help them too; I hope I don't make them worry too much..." Aether could see the green haired girl starting to look sad and immediately tried to come up with a way to cheer her up. Luckily, though, Paimon seemed to have that covered.

"Collei!" She exclaimed, flying a little closer to the girl while still staying far back enough that she wouldn't accidentally touch her and make her uncomfortable, "Do you realize what this means?!" She got loud again and, momentarily, the rustling in your kitchen nearby stopped. All three of them froze but after a second it continued as you went back to preparing the dinner the forest ranger had brought; seemingly deciding not to investigate the loud noises outside. 

Aether shushed the little flying girl as Collei frowned slightly. "...No?" Paimon looked exasperated.

"Do you?!" She asked, turning to the blonde traveler, who shrugged. "Ugh!' Paimon exclaimed, "Isn't it obvious? Tighnari has feelings for Collei's parent! You two are both clueless." 

"He...Does?" Collei asked, looking a little confused but the longer she though about it, the more she had to admit that it did add up. Even before you'd adopted her when she was little, there had seemed to be something going on between you two that was different from your friendship with Cyno or anyone else. 

"Of course he does!" Paimon replied, "You should have seen the look on his face when he told us how they'd met, Collei! Paimon can't believe she didn't realize it at the time but it all makes sense now!" Beside her, Aether couldn't help but nod in agreement; she had a point.

"...I guess that would explain why he always does so much to help," Collei admitted finally, "And why he seems so much less strict around us than the rest of Gandharva Ville. I always thought it was just because they'd graduated together, but Cyno was in their class too and Master Tighnari is even stricter towards him than anyone here!" 

"Exactly!" Paimon exclaimed. This revelation put a smile on Collei's face. After all, you and Tighnari had to be two of her favorite people in the whole world. You'd taken her in when she had nothing; a scared child that was recovering from having the remains of a god essentially exorcised from her body. You were young yourself at the time, and yet you'd agreed to raise her as your own without a second thought. 

And then there was Tighnari; the man that had taken her on as a student the second she'd shown an interest in plants and basic level of competence. He'd helped make her who she was today; taught her to fight, empowered her when she felt like she couldn't ever be strong again. He'd even helped stave off the symptoms of her Eleazar alongside you. 

The idea of the two of you potentially entering a relationship- or better yet, getting married- made her grin widely. She already saw Tighnari like a second parent with all that he'd taught her, even if she would never be brave enough to tell him that to his face. Having you both as her official parents would be a dream come true, and if it would make you happy, she'd support it without a doubt.

"I hope Master Tighnari tells them about his feelings soon!" She exclaimed excitedly now, "I'm sure they feel the same!" 

"Knowing that guy, I wouldn't count on it." Paimon replied with a sigh. But then she seemed to get an idea because she suddenly turned and eyed Aether in a way only a scheming Paimon could. He gave her a 'what are you thinking?' kind of look but she just turned back to Collei. "What if we help them out?" She suggested, making him raise an eyebrow, "There's no way someone like Tighnari would confess to your parent; and especially not if he feels like they're already stressed. But if we nudge them along, maybe we could help them finally admit their feelings!"

There was a pause as Collei seemed to process this. On the one hand, as your daughter, she wanted you to be happy and not have to worry about her so much despite her illness. On the other, she knew it might be wrong to get involved in the situation when it really wasn't her place. After all, it was possible her mentor had his reasons for not admitting his feelings to you yet. 

...Unfortunately for Tighnari, though, the first reason won out in her mind and she finally nodded at Paimon. "Alright," she said with a wide, excited grin. "Let's do it. Do you have a plan?"

"You bet Paimon does!" The little pixie exclaimed, motioning for her and the traveler to follow.

Aether couldn't help but feel he'd regret being involved with this later. 

..........

"And that's why all of you should take on a little extra work today!" Paimon explained, concluding her longer-than-necessary presentation. The huge group of forest rangers, whom she'd dragged out of their rooms in the dead of night to convince, all looked at her with dead expressions. Beside her, Collei seemed to get a little nervous at the silence.

"Please." She added kindly. The rangers blinked and another silence followed before one raised his hand. 

"If we agree will you let us go back to sleep?" 

"Yes!" Paimon chirped, making the whole group cheer, "...Quietly!" They immediately silenced their joy before retreating to their rooms to get a few more hours of sleep before the sun would rise. Luckily, Tighnari hadn't been scheduled for any night patrol this evening so if they kept silent enough, he wouldn't realize the entirety of Gandharva Ville had been brought out for a meeting without him. 

"I think that went well," Collei smiled as she turned to the pixie and the traveler. Paimon nodded.

"You think they'll follow through with it?" Aether asked. He didn't seem doubtful, though; just curious. 

"I do!" Collei replied, "And don't worry, I'll take on some extra work too. Between all of us forest rangers, we should be able to give Tighnari a lot less worry about!"

"Which lets us continue with the next phase of our plan..." Paimon grinned evilly despite the actual act she was doing, which was very selfless. 

"Before then, though, we should get some rest." Collei told them, "I'll meet you in the morning for breakfast, where we can continue with the next part of our plan!" They both nodded at that before the group split up and went their separate ways. 

What they didn't seem to realize, though, was that their conversation had been overheard by someone whose lips tugged into a grin.

.......... 

The next morning, Paimon, Collei, and the traveler met bright and early for breakfast. There, they went over their plan while also not-so-casually observing Tighnari from afar as he went about his morning. The other rangers hadn't taken on much of their extra work yet, considering the day had just barely gotten started, but it seemed like the lead ranger was already becoming surprised by just how little he actually needed to get done. 

He'd already checked back with one of his patients to find Collei had taken care of them before he could and that one of the nearby withering zones he'd planned on clearing today was already gone.

Things were going perfectly so far, and as soon as the group finished their breakfast, they bid one another goodbye before going their separate ways. Collei needed to do her actual job as a forest ranger trainee, and so it was the traveler and Paimon's turn to put some of this plan in motion.

They headed out to the nearest withering zone, which happened to be not far from your medical tent, and made sure they would be nearby if anyone got injured. 

When a few rangers inevitably did and started heading for your tent, Aether immediately got in their way. 

"You can't see Y/n!" Paimon exclaimed dramatically, "They're- uh, completely full! Yep! No more patients for them today; you'd better let him teleport you to see a doctor in Liyue Harbor instead." She pointed to Aether, who quickly nodded in agreement. The rangers exchanged glances among themselves but after a moment, seemed to decide the two were trustworthy because they nodded and allowed the traveler to make use of his teleport waypoints in order to take them for medical attention.

"And here I thought Y/n could never turn away patients," one of the rangers commented, "They must be beyond swamped right now! I hope they're alright."

"We should let Master Tighnari know not to send anyone else their way when we get the chance." Another agreed.

"No!" Paimon exclaimed, surprising them both. She immediately stiffened and pulled herself together, "Paimon means...We'll tell Tighnari for you! So don't worry about it!" Again, after a moment of deliberation, the rangers nodded before disappearing with Aether. The little pixie sighed in relief. If they told Tighnari not to send anyone for your medical attention, he would either suspect something was up and go talk to you about it or get worried about you and also go talk to you about it. They couldn't have that; not until they were ready for you two to meet up later. 

"Paimon just hopes Y/n won't be upset we sent their patients to Baizhu," the girl said to herself, knowing the Liyue doctor was something of a rival to you. There was no animosity there; just a bit of friendly banter, but it was enough for you not to want Gandharva Ville's people going to him over you. 

When Aether returned from teleporting the injured rangers to the harbor, he held up a thumbs up for the pixie, who nodded in relief that it had worked. They'd likely have to do this many more times today, of course; forest rangers tended to get hurt very often. But at least this meant there were two more they wouldn't need to worry about, which was better than nothing. 

After all, if they wanted you two to have time for one another later, they needed to make sure both you and Tighnari had free work schedules for the day. 

..........

"Master Tighnari!" Collei called, knowing the fox-eared forest ranger wouldn't be busy at the moment, thanks to her and the others' plan. She found said ranger near his hut, where he appeared to be cooking yet another meal that would make way too many servings for someone living alone to eat. When the green haired girl arrived, he immediately looked up at her.

"Collei, is there something you need?" He asked, clearly feeling a little awkward about being caught doing something so unproductive by his own trainee. What he didn't know was that she'd planned it that way. 

"We're out of bandages and Padisarah's." Collei informed her mentor, "And we have a patient with a wound that could really use both over at the medical tent." It wasn't totally true; she had no idea if a patient at your tent required those things. But since both the bandages and the herb were resources they went through the quickest, it was a lie Tighnari would believe and take seriously, which he did. 

"I see," he replied, glancing at the food he was still cooking, "Let Y/n know I'll head out to pick some more up today, and not to worry." He knew you too well, and had this been a real situation, Collei knew you would have called him a life-saver like you always did. She smiled, nodding with relief.

"Okay!" She told him and then went to head for the medical tent, only to pause on the way, "Would you like me to come with you to help? I know we usually buy our supplies in bulk so it could be difficult getting everything back here without a sumpter beast." Tighnari paused for a moment, remembering that the last of the sumpter beasts had been taken out that morning for other tasks (something Collei and the others had had nothing to do with but appreciated anyway). 

"Yes, I suppose that would be a big help..." He decided finally, "Thank you, Collei. We'll head out in a few minutes, but please go let Y/n know first." She nodded before running off.

Tighnari had specifically given himself extra time not only because you needed to be informed if your daughter left Gandharva Ville but also so he could finish the food he'd been preparing to give you and her for lunch. Once it was finished, he took it from the cooking pot and wrapped it so it would stay fresh until he could give it to you, which would likely be later in the evening than he'd planned. 

Collei returned a few minutes later, having actually let you know she'd be leaving but not the real reason why. Then the two of them were on their way after Tighnari checked one more time that he had no other pressing work to get done. Of course, he didn't.

Their walk to Sumeru City was quick and uneventful, and soon enough, they were in the market shopping for bandages, Padisarah's, and another item Tighnari wasn't yet aware of. 

"Master Tighnari, look!" Collei exclaimed, pointing to a formal suit that was on display at one of the clothing shops. She'd seemed so excited about it that he had to come over but was surprised now to see what exactly she'd been pointing at. 

"A...Suit?"

"Isn't it beautiful?" She asked, aware of how strange she sounded, considering she'd never showed any interest in men's formal wear before. "It reminds me of this story my parent told me once." At this, the forest ranger's fox ears perked a bit.

"Oh?" He asked, silently urging her to continue.

"After their graduation from the Akademiya, they got invited to attend a party in Fontaine," Collei explained, "When they attended, their date wore a purple suit, but it clashed with the outfit they'd picked and made them look awful together." The story she was telling was real, though you hadn't been nearly as dramatic when you'd told it as she currently was. "They broke up after that, but they always say he should have worn green like this suit because it goes with all their clothes." 

With that, she turned and walked off as if she'd finally found the Padisarah's they'd been looking for. Planting the seed of an idea in Tighnari's head would hopefully be enough and she needed to be out of the way so he didn't feel any judgement when acting on it. 

She made sure to inspect the herbs for much longer than necessary before glancing back at her mentor, who happened to have an extra shopping bag in his arms now that hadn't been there before. The suit that had been on display was also gone now, making the green haired girl's smile widen. She bought the herbs they needed and then turned back to the head forest ranger, who looked at her expectantly. 

"Ready to head back to Gandharva Ville?" He asked, "Y/n would never be upset with us for taking too long but I wouldn't put it past them to badmouth me to their patients in order to make them feel better."

"They always say having a common enemy is a big part of bedside manner," Collei giggled, "They need someone to blame for the patient's prolonged pain." Tighnari chuckled at that, shaking his head as he lead the way back towards the village.

#genshin impact #genshin x reader #genshin fanfic #genshin tighnari #tighnari #tighnari x reader #collei #parent reader #fanfic #tighnari x you #genshin collei #gender neutral #gender neutral insert #genshin reader insert #reader insert

[shootingstarpilot]

uhhhh hi I think these snippets about Cody undergoing an early reconditioning and ALSO of him quietly helping Needle by deleting the same from his record (possibly w/o Needle ever KNOWING?! I am tearing down the wallpaper etc). This is driving me INSANE. it's living rent free.

all that is to say– wondering how many people ever know about it then. his batch, sure, but like. Helix? as the CMO? in a medical sense I feel... I feel he'd have to know? Imagining all the things right now. Mutual understanding. Conversations that dance around the topic but still manage to spell the shape of it out to those who know what they're looking for because there's no avoiding that.

god. so ill abt this, I adore your work SO much 🧡

okay listen i was sitting on this for a bit and then i FINALLY got to do a hike today and while i was walking i stopped in the middle of the path because what if needle does the same for cody?

like. okay. bear with me. helix is trying to figure out why the hell his general's file is redacted to hell and back. he tasks needle with going through the rest of the personnel files for any issues that might need further attention. neither of them are expecting anything- issues that needed further attention didn't usually-

well.

anyway, needle's a good medic and understands the necessity for thorough documentation, so he's going through these files only to stop short when he pulls up the commander's and sees that same little status indicator.

he refreshes the page. maybe it's a lag. maybe that field accidentally subbed in a result from another trooper.

three refreshes later, he stops.

he doesn't give himself time to think about it. he just- deletes it. wipes away the little status tag and everything it signifies, and then he puts his head between his knees and kicks at the uncomfortable simmering in his chest until it dulls enough that he can ignore it.

(he makes sure to take cody's case whenever he comes into the medbay, though. especially if there's a head injury. he knows there can be scarring.)

i just. what if. @dragonsanddandelions mentioned "small gods and small kindnesses" and now i simply CANNOT COPE. small kindnesses, unknowingly traded. small kindnesses SURVIVING. OW.

#oh these are EXCELLENT thoughts #thank you very much for these #glad to know the evil is communal here <3 #damn you interstellarroadtrip #you started this and now it's taken root in my brain #and so i am inflicting it upon EVERYONE ELSE #shoulder the sky

[heartthumpnovel]

Heart Thump: Chapter 7

“Growing Pains”

Word count: 9437

Just got this wrapped up before I leave for a week! This is gonna be insight to how Jason is dealing with the new big changes in his life (I am not sorry). This chapter was very fun to write because it has my favorite character in it; Oliver :> By they way, since it seems people are getting interested in this story, I've seen people do tag lists for each chapter. Let me know if you're interested in that!

cw: Cursing/Swears

Last chapter: Seeking Answers

Next chapter: It Came From Outer Space

---

 Atlas Gang Group Chat November 9th @  3:00 pm

Jason: Just got out of the doctors office.

Jason: Won’t be dying anytime soon, but, It seems like I did get electrocuted at some point on the golf course. 

Ellie: FR??? Are you going to be okay?? 

Natasha: HOW?? OH MY GOD JASON HUN I AM SO SORRY!! I SHOULD OF GOT YOU TO THE HOSPITAL!!!! D’:

Motor: Shit dude. F.

Jason: Now don’t get too upset @Motor.

Jason: But to make this clear, @Natasha you have nothing to be sorry about. It wasn’t obvious and I had a bit too many drinks. I am still not sure what shocked me but I have those lighting scars on my back…

Ellie: Like Lichtenberg Figures? At Least those are the coolest scars to possibly have right? 

Jason: @Ellie I guess... I am just lucky I managed to live through it.

Motor:  bro you realize you don’t have to @ everyone you’re trying to talk to right??? It’s literally just the four of us here.

Jason: It’s called being efficient @Motor.

Motor: I don’t wanna hear pinging coming for you every five seconds. IT'S CALLED BEING ANNOYING.

Natasha: uh hey are we just gonna ignore the fact Jason nearly died from electrocution or??

Jason: Awh @Natasha It’s quite alright! The doctor said that I had little to no damage and the shock passed right through me. He did say that it was a risk considering my heart condition but, I am overall unharmed. However, he did write me up for two weeks of rest just to be on the safe side.

Natasha: Consider the call in done. Imma also gonna look into that golf course to see if there’s any loose wiring problems and give them hell!! >:(

Ellie: YEAH GIRL GET THEM!!!!

Ellie: And here I thought golf courses couldn’t get any worse. 

Ellie: But uh Jason, wasn’t there anything else the doctor … found out about your condition or?

Jason: No. Just pain medication and rest.

Motor: yeah no big deal..no BIIGG deal at all. >:3

Natasha: :/ ????

Jason: Shut it @motor. 

Natasha: Uhhhh

Ellie: Don’t worry about it Nat. :’D 

The phone screen went dark as Jason pressed the side button on his phone and shoved it deep into his pants pocket. He didn’t need the stress that Motor was giving him for nearly spilling the beans on the whole giant fiasco. It felt like the entire thing was one stupid joke away from giving away the big secret. He laid back in the bus seat and stared down at the small paper bag filled with the prescription antibiotic cream and tylenol that was settled in his lap. 

Thinking back on the doctor appointment, Jason wished he could have told his doctor everything that was happening to him. Maybe he could have gotten more than just stuff to treat the surprise scars on his back. But, the troubles that would have come from telling his doctor would have been extremely bad. His doctor could have thought that he was either having a mental breakdown, ran out of the room screaming if Jason were to prove the claim, and may have probably called the government to take him away to be then experimented on for the rest of his life. Yeah, there’s no way he was going to take those chances.

However, Jason was told that his heartbeat was now more noticeable and beating faster than usual. Not enough to be at the regular rate but a definite improvement than before the incident.  

“Huh, cure me a little bit and in exchange turn me into a freak of nature… Not really a fair trade is it?” Jason quietly mumbled to himself as he placed a hand on his chest. Looking outside the bus window to check for his stop, his mind began to wander as he witnessed the rain outside fall into the streets of Seattle. Sure, he does believe now that he was right in the middle of this weird phenomenon but it still felt so unreal. A monkey’s paw’s finger must have curled as he always wanted to be a few more inches taller, feel more happiness and have a clean bill of health. At this cost however? 

Definitely not worth it.

While listening to the bus’s public radio talk about this newly discovered meteor that was currently in orbit of the solar system, The bus slowed and pulled up to the bus stop where Jason needed to get off. He rose from his seat and stepped off the bus as quickly as he could. He just wanted to get home. Before he could make his walk back to his townhouse, Jason couldn’t help to notice the inky spot on the road that was across the bus stop. His memory started to jog and wondered how that lady with the crushed minivan was doing. 

Wait, had he seen that minivan before? Consequently, he could feel a slight pain emerge from his foot and once he put two and two together; He remembered. 

During that fateful night, he remembered getting the boot from a ride-share car. Jason couldn’t recall for the life of him why he was removed from the car or how he even was able to summon one in the first place. However, his drunk/electrocuted brain was thinking of Natasha for some reason and with the knowledge Jason gained about what happens when she enters his thoughts… 

He could only recall pieces of the night. Losing one of his nice dress shoes, stumbling in the streets, buildings slowly shrinking around him, and the moment his foot accidentally stepped on a hunk of metal that blared loudly as it was crushed beneath his weight. 

The pain in his foot stung worse and Jason immediately started speed walking down the street. He needed to get home ASAP before he unexpectedly grew again and caused more damage. If only he could repay that woman for her van and make it up to anyone else who was a victim of his carelessness. Though that would be very expensive, and he would have to admit that he was the giant freak that did it. Perhaps these one-time sins from when he didn’t know better could serve as a lesson to Jason to not let himself get carried away. 

That fast paced walking turned into a sprint as he had no faith in his wandering imagination. Thinking back on the bus ride, he realized that could have ended badly as well and Jason mentally scolded himself for putting people in danger. The few people he ran past stared at him and Jason for once didn’t care what they thought. He needed to put himself away at home where he could focus on NOT focusing on those lovingly destructive thoughts. 

He stumbled onto the stairs on his front door and shoved a hand into his pocket, fumbling on grabbing his keys. His two feet tapping anxiously on his welcome mat, and Jason using his other hand to search for the keys as well. Wait- where was his prescription bag!? His gaze darted below him and his head snapped to the bottom of the porch stairs. Jason spotted his nearly spilled out shopping bag on the sidewalk and just as fast as he sprinted there, he quickly shuffled his way down the stairs and nabbed his bag with a swift snatch. Muttering a few quiet ‘oh come ons’ before he managed to shove his key into the front door.

The front door swung open and slammed closed. Jason laid on the other side of the front door, trying to catch what little breath he had. It took the man a couple of deep breaths to find his bearings as his shoulders dropped. Though he did snap back to reality when he felt a comforting presence press on his calf. “Meow.” Jason looked down to see that his orange companion, Oliver, was already complaining about waiting for his dinner. The lovable dope had his tail raised and was rubbing his face into Jason’s pant leg, getting fur stuck on the fabric. “Awh is the little pumpkin hungry?~'' Jason cooed as he bent down and picked up Oliver by the sides to hoist the cat to be cradled into one of his arms, “Sorry I’m late, Daddy’s dealing with reality shattering stuff lately.” Jason walked into his cozy living room and dropped the prescription bag off at the coffee table while his orange fur-baby was meowing complaints. As he made his way to the kitchen, Oliver kept staring at Jason with his one eye and began to purr loudly as he lay comfortably in Jason’s scrawny arm. 

What a strange little creature.

Oliver didn’t stay in Jason’s arm for too long as he jumped off when he saw his food bowl come into view. A cat has his priorities after all. Going through the cabinets Jason started to tell his thoughts to his cat, just like any cat owner would even if the cat had no idea what the heck their owner was talking about. It wasn’t like Oliver could snitch on him or anything. 

“I honestly don’t know what’s happening to me Oliver,” Jason said as he peaked through the cabinets, “I’ve become a ticking time bomb overnight and now I am a threat to society without even meaning to be…” Jason grunted when he didn’t see the cat food in the usual place. 

“Wha- oh goodness I thought I just bought you a palette recently..” Jason spoke as he pushed some cans of soup aside and he tried to rack his brain on where in his house the cat food could be. It was about a week ago he went grocery shopping, and consequently that night had also been board game night with his friends from work. He did pick up some extra snacks for that night and Motor, while annoying he can be, actually offered to help Jason with the heavy groceries. 

He felt his blood run cold. Jason arched his neck up to the high cabinets in his kitchen. While it probably was a stupid idea for a short man like Jason to rent a home which felt like it was specifically made for tall people, it was a really good deal at the time considering he was living in Seattle. Besides, he had managed to live with it this long and had no problems since he had a step stool on hand. Though he had to admit, Motor putting the heavy cat food stack on a high shelf was seriously infuriating. 

Jason sighed and turned to find that step stool buried deep in the pantry. However, his feet stopped half way through the turn as he had a small thought sprout in his mind. What if instead of spending more precious time digging through his pantry to get the step-stool, Jason could just simply put that new side effect to good use. Jason shook his head for a moment, “Oh heavens no-” He mumbled as he took a step towards the pantry, “That’s ridiculous, I wouldn’t want to risk it…” He cleared his throat as he reached his hand over to the pantry door. The hand halted before it could grab the handle and Jason took another glance at the high up cabinet. It had never looked so close yet out of reach… 

“I mean,” Jason spoke towards Oliver, “Just maybe a little bit couldn’t hurt… Now I know about what the cause is..” “Meow.” “Yeah, it could end up being safer than throwing my back out! Smart boy, Oliver.” “Meow.” It has been decided, then. 

He made his way back to below the high up cabinet and stretched out his arms as if he was going to be entered in a weight lifting competition. A long concentrated deep breath came from him as he closed his eyes. Feeling a bit anxious from this but, if he only thought of her for a moment then it should only be a few inches right? “Alright Oliver, keep your distance.” Jason said as pushed up his glasses and wondered what he should specifically think about. Obviously nothing too intense, probably? He actually wasn’t sure when the point of no return was. His hands came together and made them hold each other. Maybe just the thought of holding her wonderfully soft palms might do the trick-- 

BANG

CRASH

“HISSSS! ROWWEEERRRR!”

CLANK

“AGGH! BOLLOCKS!!”

[Image Description: Jason grew too tall and ended up slamming his head on the ceiling. This caused him to fall back onto the kitchen island and he got smacked by a pan and is in pain.]

In one brief moment, the kitchen descended into chaos. The height that Jason had desired was passed up very quickly and his head punched itself through the ceiling, causing a huge crack to form. Debris fell and blinded Jason for a moment- causing him to stumble backwards onto the kitchen island. In a different time, it was nice to have a really good cast iron steel set of pots and pans. At the moment however, the back of Jason’s head didn’t appreciate it as he tumbled into them. His back was sprawled across the counter and all he could do was hold the back of his head, seizing in pain.

“Oooowww-” The now 10 foot tall Jason moaned, “How... have I not gotten brain damage?…” He opened his eyes to a horrifying sight, not at his ceiling being caved in nor his expensive cooking equipment being scattered everywhere; but the sight of his poor fluffed up baby boy huddling in the corner and hiding his scared face behind his puffed up tail.

“Oh… oh no pumpkin I’m so sorry...” Jason cooed, feeling like an absolutely disgusting human being, “I-I didn’t mean to scare you, It’s still me Oliver…” Jason managed to flop himself over so he could lay on this stomach comfortably. He reached out a large hand to Oliver, who at first backed up from the offered hand. The man’s heart dropped from seeing this and expected Oliver to sprint towards the bedroom to hide from the big scary monster that invaded his home. 

Instead, Oliver slowly raised his head from his tail and stared at the hand with his good eye. His nose reached over to Jason’s huge fingers and gave them a couple of small sniffs. From this new perspective Jason gained, Oliver could have been mistaken as a kitten on how small he looked. This almost made Jason’s heart soar with glee as he’d never got the chance to meet Oliver when he was a baby cat, but what really brought him glee was when Oliver rubbed his fuzzy head into Jason’s palm and let himself be wrapped by his owner’s large fingers for scratches. Tears of happiness covered Jason’s knocked askew glasses.

Forgiveness was granted. 

----

After giving Oliver double the serving that he usually had for dinner, Jason crawled through his own home to get to the bathroom. The hallways of the townhouse had become more like service tunnels as he had to duck throughout the home. While he was careful to not smack his head on any light fixtures, his feet were having a hard time adjusting to the new walkway. The pain in the back of his skull was still stinging slightly from the incident so he used his free hand to massage it while the other large hand traced the walls and grabbed onto the door frame that entered the bathroom.  

“Ugh, the new pain meds are comin’ in handy today..” Jason mumbled before he looked up at the mirror, “AH!!-- Oh… oh.” 

He yelped for a brief moment before realizing that the bathroom mirror had only reflected himself. However, he almost didn’t realize it was him due to the fact he was now completely covering the doorway and he was crouching to be able to get inside the bathroom. 

Watching his reflection, Jason's emotions morphed from surprise to a tinge of sadness. It dawned on him why his coworkers had initially been apprehensive around him. With a resigned sigh, he maneuvered into the bathroom, barely leaving any space to spare. He chuckled at the thought that he had once considered this compact bathroom relatively spacious for townhouse living. Without further ado, he removed his glasses to splash water on his face.

“...Wha- Wait what!? Are you kidding me!? Noooo,” Jason spoke out of disbelief as his glasses suddenly shrunk right as they left his face, “How the hell?...” 

Try as he might, he couldn’t put them back on his face as they just simply wouldn’t fit. Jason couldn’t exactly get himself to fit the glasses either as the pain in the back of his head made it near impossible to concentrate. 

“Oh, that’s just great…” Jason said sarcastically as he placed his glasses on the bathroom counter, “That’s how it’s going to be then.” He rubbed the arch of his nose before gingerly turning the faucet on. Splashing cool water on his face did make him feel a little bit more grounded despite the weirdness. He patted his face dry with a teal bath towel before eyeing his sweater vest and polo. 

“I guess I’m not expecting visitors or going out like this…” He mumbled to himself as he grabbed the bottom of his polo and started to pull it over his head, “But I’ll leave the trousers on for now- Ugh!” Jason grunted as he was having a bit of trouble trying to get his upper wear over his shoulders. His elbows had hit the ceiling and the lack of space made it hard to yank the polo combo off. Undeterred, Jason persisted, shifting and shimmying until he successfully removed the polo shirt. 

Jason held onto the clothing and was rather stunned as he saw that it too, had shrunk back down to his normal clothing size. This brought on more questions from Jason; Why did his clothing shrink back to normal when he took them off? Does anything in his pockets change size too? How is his clothing growing along with him and not getting ripped to shreds?

Jason shivered, perhaps he should just be grateful that he gets to remain fully clothed as the alternative would be a whole new set of problems to deal with. 

He tossed his clothes into the hamper to put an end to those thoughts and looked back at the mirror. His large hands nearly eclipsed the bathroom counter as he gingerly placed his palms on it. His eyes traced the scrawny ribs and various fresh bruises that marked the kitchen incident. An uncanny feeling was raised from within as it felt like a crime against nature itself for a body type like his to be able to fill an entire room.  

Spotting the end of the lighting scar on his shoulder, Jason reached out his fingers to touch it and turned a little bit to get a better look at the wound. The appearance of this scar shocked him as he hadn't felt pain from it till days after the incident. His muscles tensed up from touching the scarring and he pulled away to just stare at it. While getting a Lichtenberg figure from a lightning strike wasn’t uncommon, what was strange about this scar was that the entry point looked shaped like a cartoon heart. Probably a silly coincidence or a mocking branding. 

Coming to terms with his condition felt impossible, it wasn’t like anyone else in the whole world that could relate to him. He could no longer stare at the freak in the mirror and hung his head low, thoughts wondering if this meant he could never truly find happiness in a relationship. While he didn’t want to be in a relationship, now it was as if he no longer had any say in the matter. Tightness built up in his chest; what did this all even mean and why him? Perhaps he was being selfish for falling hard for someone who could be fired and have her life ruined if he’d dared to act on his feelings. 

“Meow.”

“Oliver? Oh bloody hell I left the door open didn’t I?”

“Meow!”

His eyes squinted to try to make out the fluffy orange blob that passed under his legs and was rubbing his ankle dramatically. The flick of Oliver’s tail made Jason’s frown curl into an appreciative grin. Oliver’s paw twitched a little bit from the unexpected puddle on the floor, Jason looked back up in the mirror and realized his face was completely wet with tears. 

“I-I’m sorry for crying like a big baby Oliver, That’s very unbecoming of me…”

“Meowwwwww.”

Jason reached down gingerly to hoist the fluffy noise box off of the tile and into his arms. Oliver squirmed a little as Jason tried to find a comfortable position for his fuzzy son due to his arms being much longer. It only took a few seconds to adjust and Oliver was once again cradled like a newborn comfortably. 

“Oh my gosh Pumpkin you’re so tiny~”

Jason sniffled as he used one finger to lightly pet Oliver’s fluffy tummy as he turned away from the mirror. Truthfully, It was awkward trying to shuffle out of the bathroom with a bundle that demanded attention. The kitty’s insistence was a little bit annoying, but the annoyance was overpowered by how Oliver wields his cuteness to his advantage. 

While it took a minute to navigate his home, he managed to get to his living room. Thankfully the ceiling was raised considerably, so he didn’t need to stress his back anymore. Getting to his usually comfy leather couch, Jason ever so carefully lowered himself down. The squeals from the wooden legs made him flinch and held onto Oliver for support. When he managed to sit completely down onto the couch, he sighed in relief that it didn't give way. Looking around his living room, he started to notice the fragile photographs that adorned the walls, the expensive television across from him, and plenty of breakable items that are precious to him. More things he could quite easily destroy without meaning to. 

He’d let go of Oliver and the orange fluff cloud pranced onto the low coffee table, sitting down regally with his tail covering his front paws. “Well,” Jason said, leaning down to his right and attempting to make himself comfortable on his ‘new’ loveseat sized couch, “I think it’s about time to reorganize the place, just to be on the safe side.”

The couch creaked in protest, as Jason laid his back to toe cushion and his neck cradled haphazardly on the arm rest. His long legs found it uncomfortable to curl up on the couch, so they stretched out over the opposite armrest, and the soles of his feet rested on the floor. Finally, he had managed to find some comfort in this new body of his.

He took a deep breath and- SNAP

Oliver leaped off the coffee table in response to the loud noise, caused by the couch's plywood giving way under the weight it was never meant to bear. Although it startled Jason for a moment, his body sank back onto the broken couch with a disappointed sigh. What else was new?

------

A Ravine [ Dream II ]

She was farther than ever before;

Across the Ravine.

Upon looking down, 

He couldn’t comprehend the unseen.

Before he could plead,

His chest burned.

No fear, no regrets

He took the leap.

The blue moon loomed

Claws dragged his ankles down,

Before he could cross;

Abyss cemented his doom.

Down he fell into the ravine;

Knowing he will never be seen.

Darkness consumed all,Lost forever within the Ravine.

------

It wasn’t a recent development for Ellie’s hatred of college level essays about the unclean parts about mental health. Though she didn’t like writing essays in general, she really had to double her effort from having to research grotesque subject matter. While it was necessary for her future career, damn if it wasn’t a mood killer. The blank document’s cursor flickers in mockery at Ellie as he sat on top of her bed sheets. Curled up with a nice warm cup of matcha on the side and held a firm grip on the sticker covered laptop on her lap. Sadly, she couldn’t use her love birds as an excuse to procrastinate as they were in the middle of their mid day cuddle nap. Ellie rubbed her nose in frustration, her mind pulling out blanks for an introduction for a tricky subject such as this.

After another embarrassing date going south, she wasn’t in the mood to chat up potential bachelorettes either. This left her with just herself, and the doomed assignment. 

Usually when she found herself stuck on inspiration for stuff like this, she’d head over to her best friend that was conveniently next door for guidance since he’d always had a knack for essay writing. Unfortunately, he wasn’t available and hasn’t been for a week. Ellie missed the days where they’d open their bedroom windows to chat nonchalantly about their weekend or gossip about their coworkers. It was one of the reasons why they rented these townhouses as they could stay in touch and get those sweet discounts on the places. However, every time Ellie peaked through her bedroom window to check to see if Jason was there, his curtains had remained closed. Ellie did think about heading over there herself to check if he was okay, though her deep rooted fear held her from going. It wasn’t like she was scared of Jason necessarily. What monster would be afraid of their best friend suffering from an unknown sickness? On the other hand, her sleep had been tormented with imagery of being unknowingly squashed under a heel and feeling like a helpless bug in an uncaring universe.

This part of herself she knew, long before this mess. A deep sinking feeling of panic brewed when she passed by unthinkably tall buildings and passed on Motor’s movie night ideas. If she could diagnose herself, she'd guess it was a classic case of megalophobia. That fear was usually unfounded and didn’t affect her life day to day usually so she wasn’t that upset about it. Until now. While she did manage to push through it during their experiments in the forest for her friend’s sake, she did have to binge through videos of kitten fostering videos to cope through the tears.

Ellie noticed that she was gripping the sides of her laptop and biting her tongue as her stress boiled over. Her laptop was pushed onto her bed and she rose from her sheets with a determination filled with obligation. She rushed to her drawers and got dressed into her usual autumn weekend outfit.

Her heart couldn’t take the communication break down anymore. Ellie needed to make sure Jason was alright and the thought of abandoning her friend when he needed her most made her feel like a disgusting coward. 

Ellie snatched her keys and rushed by her chirping lovebirds as she made her way to the front door. Once she shuffled down the front steps, her gaze turned to Jason’s front door. At first she couldn’t find the strength to move her feet, the mere thought of what could be happening in there made her blood run cold. Though it was too late to bail now. 

With one last look at her front door, Ellie sighed and her heavy feet walked up to the front door of Jason’s home and she knocked her fist on the door. Ellie’s shoulders jumped when she heard a dramatic thud coming from within the home. Her concern only grew from there as the noise was followed with a few scraping noises and then silence. 

“Uh, Hey man are y-” Ellie said before the front door suddenly swung open, revealing a normal sized, but uncommonly disheveled Jason with a deceitfully wide grin. 

[Image Description: A very concerned Ellie staring at Jason, who has opened his front door and is leaning on the door frame with a wide guilty grin.]

“Heeeeey Ellie,” Jason said, with fake cheerfulness, “It’s so nice to see you! Man alive, how long has it been?” “Uh, about a week…” Ellie said, trying to peek her head behind Jason, “Wanted to check in on… things.”

Jason shoved his head in the way of Ellie’s eye line while he kept that telling grin on his face. “OH! Things have been just swell! ” Jason paltered.

And as if the universe itself took offense, a shelf crashed to the floor. 

Ellie peered further over Jason’s shoulder and decided to push him aside despite Jason’s protest. To no one’s surprise; everything wasn’t swell in Jason’s abode. Bits of the ceiling fluttered onto the carpet and the cardboard boxes that had been hastily taped up. Once Ellie looked up, she could see multiple sized dents in the ceiling with a few expensive looking holes.

“Jason…” Elllie gasped, turning to look at Jason who at this point was hiding his face with his fingers. “I know…” Jason groaned, “the landlord is going to bloody kill me.”

Ellie gestured her hands towards the disaster in his house, “You did all of this in a week!?” Her voice raised, more so out of concern than disbelief. Jason kept his head low and moved past her into his ruined living room in shame as he laid a hand on one of the boxes. “Getting used to this disease has been harder than I anticipated…” Jason confessed, “I’ve been putting everything breakable away and haven’t left the house for days.” At this point he had completely dropped the act, his face darkened in shame. 

“Oh gods…” Ellie said as she reached a hand out to Jason’s shoulder to comfort him. Though right before she could, she heard a familiar yowl come from the couch. Her attention was shattered and she cooed at Oliver, who was trying to take a needed nap and was rudely woken up by the commotion. Ellie bee-lined towards the couch and scooped up the orange fluff ball into her arms. 

“Right, that’s why you came over,” Jason said with snark as he approached the two. 

“Nooo, I did come over to see how you were doing,” Ellie said as she bounced Oliver like a newborn, “But I mean, come on look at him!” She hoisted Oliver up in her arms and the look in his eye showed that there was truly a void of nothing behind it. 

Jason couldn’t wallow forever and acquiesced with a chuckle. He petted the top of Oliver’s head and kept his eyes on his little furry friend as he spoke to Ellie. “He somehow still loves me after all of this mess, ” Jason said, “Though I’m not sure how long I can control myself to keep him safe.” 

An awkward silence filled the room after that. Ellie sighed as she looked at her dissonant friend and she gave herself a moment to ponder the situation. She took note of the crater’s in the ceiling and the clearly evident eye bags below Jason’s eyes. “How much sleep are you getting?” Ellie asked as she set Oliver free. The cat pranced out of Ellie’s arm and onto the back of the broken couch. Jason sighed as he put a hand on his forehead in foggy thought. “None,” Jason complained, “I’ve been having a lot of dreadful nightmares and I’m afraid I’ll wake up to find myself homeless.” 

Ellie anxiously tapped the broken remains of his couch and took a deep breath. She gave a comforting gaze to Jason despite her own comfort. “Why don’t you come over to my place?” Ellie suggested, “We can try to do research on this thing, just like what we used to do in college.” She put a firm hand on Jason’s shoulder as he recoiled in shock. Before his stuttering could refuse, his head shook vehemently and he tried to pull away. “Wh-what!?” Jason exclaimed, “N-no! No, that's a terrible idea! Do you want me to get you in trouble with the landlord too!?” Ellie thought to argue that. “Look around, You’ve been isolated for way too long and it’s gonna drive you nuts!” Ellie said as she gestured her hand to the disastrous state of Jason’s living room, “Besides, I know that you’re gonna be extra careful if the house isn’t yours, you’re too considerate.” Jason folded his arms. It was very rare that he was unsure of his friend’s judgment, though at the moment, his doubts were plenty. “It’s dangerous,” Jason said, “I’m not keeping myself locked in my house for no reason Ellie.” He pushed Ellie’s hand away grimly and stared at the floor longingly. 

Well, Ellie didn’t care for that one bit. She took it upon herself to scoop up Oliver, who chipped in surprise,  from the couch and marched towards the door. “In that case, I’m sure Oliver would love to study with me to find out how to cure your stubborn butt.” Ellie said while she headed straight towards the front door with a sly grin on her face. “Wait- WAIT ELLIE,” Jason called after her and clumsily followed her trail like a helpless puppy, “You can’t just take my cat! Hey- ELLIE! HOLD JUST A SECOND-!!” 

------

If one were forced to think of one word to describe Ellie’s living room, it could very well be ‘serene’. The place definitely looked lived in, but it was a very clean mess of psychology textbooks on the handed-down oak coffee table, that had been gifted to her by her mothers. Pots were placed around the room that cradled many different types of plant life, and in one corner, Ellie's cassette collection laid haphazardly near her vintage boombox. Despite the apparent disorganization, she never had trouble locating any mix-tape in that pile. Music selection was not a frequent problem, though, as her two very vocal love birds' cage occupied a central position in the living room.

Jason had been sitting quite uncomfortably on her bequeathed bargain couch, though not due to the lack of support from the couch, but because he was essentially held hostage there. His traitorous kitty decided he wanted to spend time with auntie Ellie after being catnapped. He crossed his arms pouting, trying to ignore the smug look she had on her face as she entered the kitchen. “Whatcha want to drink?” Ellie asked.

“Earl grey,” Jason said, “Also you’re evil.” “I know,” Ellie playfully replied as she disappeared through the doorway. 

As much as he wanted to right then, Jason couldn’t seethe forever and eventually released the breath he was holding. He knew she was just trying to help but he was more scared than angry at her insistence. His gaze checked around the room for anything potentially breakable and expensive. By the end of the first week of being a circus freak, he’d picked up a new awareness of how fragile things can be and how much of a hassle it would be to replace them. Jason stood up from the couch, not wanting to dwell on how much money he was already losing, and made his way over to the pair of love birds. 

“Ah! Hello Mango and Papaya,” Jason greeted them as he leaned over to the cage,  “Oliver is in the guest room right now so you two can stretch your wings, yeah?” Mango squealed in agreement as the door to the cage was opened and she hopped excitedly onto Jason’s hand. Papaya decided to stay cautious and only peaked her head out to check on Mango’s well-being. Mango had always been the more approachable one out of the couple. Jason’s thumb scratched the love bird’s neck and ruffled her head feathers. She leaned her head towards his hand in merriment, as her closed eyes smiled in bliss. For a minute, Jason completely forgot that he was forced to be there against his will. He showered the bird in affection until their wholesome interaction was cut short. 

Despite the desperate neck stretches and opening her beak to show authority, Jason didn’t realize that Paypapa wasn’t going to let her soulmate be taken by some human tart. She thought to rectify this slight and confronted Jason with a hard bite on the fingertip. “Owch! Okay fine I’ll put her down, god-” Jason stammered as he let both birds onto the top of their cage. He rubbed the small bite mark on his finger as he saw his aggressor frantically groom Mango. Despite the pain of being chomped on, Jason chuckled after the fact. “My apologies,” Jason said, “I almost forgot you’re a bonded pair.” While he was not a bird expert, it was obvious that Papaya was just trying to protect her sweet girlfriend.  How romantic.

Only for a moment Jason got lost in thought, unaware of his surroundings as his mind was swooned by the very idea of soulmates and his longing desire to have one for himself. To be honest, he did feel a tad jealous these birds have a better love life than he ever will. The train of thought crashed as he heard a loud gasp, tea being spilled and the feeling of the ceiling pushing down on his head. 

“Oh gods, J-JASON!” Ellie stuttered, trying to regain her composure from nearly suffering from a heart attack by the sight of a giant suddenly appearing in her house.  Panic flooded onto Jason’s face as he realized he wasn’t as careful as he thought he was. “I-I’m sorry!” Jason begged as he tried to crouch down, trying to make him seem smaller in vain, “I’ll try not to break anything on the way out.” Before he could start crawling towards the front door in a fit of panic, Ellie rushed to set the un-spilled mug of earl gray onto her coffee table and approached him. “Wait!” Ellie said, with her phobia and compassion at war with each other, “You don’t have to go! It’s fine, I swear!”  

Jason halted and looked at her in disbelief. While he wasn’t the best at reading people like Ellie was, even he could tell that Ellie was terrified of him and was just trying to be polite. “I know you’re scared of me,” Jason said bluntly, “My feelings aren’t hurt, I’ll just take my leave.” 

A harsh tug on the bottom of his t-shirt stopped him from turning around. He looked over to see that Ellie is gripping the fabric as if she was able to actually keep the man the size of a Honda from escaping. Though that sad desperate look in her eyes may as well have bolted him to the floor.

"No! I might be scared, but I'm even more terrified for your well-being!" Ellie argued, “No matter what horrifying thing you turn into; Giant, cockroach, hell, a giant cockroach! I’m still not going to abandon you!” Jason sighed heavily and before he could even begin to formulate an argument, Ellie cuffed her full hands together. “Please let me help you,” she pleaded, “you don’t have to deal with this alone.”

Jason felt this stomach tie up in knots. He’d already felt guilty for being a terrible house guest, but he couldn’t just say no to her insistence. Jason stared at the floor in shame as he admitted defeat. “Fine,” Jason said, “I’ll stay.” 

Ellie smiled, releasing her shaking hands and turned to pick up the spilled tea mug off of the floor. “We’ll figure it out,” Ellie said, “Besides, what kind of a cat dad leaves their precious baby behind?~” Jason groaned, “Don’t push it.”

----

This impromptu study session really did bring back those college freshman memories when Ellie and Jason had to cram for exams. However, the tension wasn’t being built by a demanding deadline. Ellie felt the stress when she peaked over her laptop and saw the gargantuan man sitting next to her couch trying to gently sip the tiny mug in his massive hands. His fingers fidgeted around the mug's handle uncomfortably. He also kept hesitantly pulling the cup towards his lips but, whenever it got near his mouth, he pulled away reluctantly. Watching this constant backpedaling was starting to be unbearable to watch. “Dude, I can make you tea in a mixing bowl,” Ellie commented, glancing over to see Jason’s grimacing face being offended by the mere suggestion.

“What? No,” Jason said as he tried to ‘properly’ hold his mug, “I don’t need to feel anymore out of place than I already am.” He uncomfortably shifted as he glanced down at his remarkably large hands that nearly enveloped the little mug. Ellie rolled her eyes, sharing that same gaze to his mug. “Getting accommodated doesn’t make you weird,” Ellie said, taking a sip herself before turning her attention back to her internet browser, which had several open Wikipedia tabs. They’d been looking at a variety of human body size disorders that could fit the bill. None of them helped in the slightest, since it seemed like Jason’s condition was anything but normal for a human. Ellie started to mass-close all of those useless tabs as Jason sighed in defeat and sat the mug onto the coffee table gingerly. 

“I don’t even know why we’re bothering trying to search this… thing on the internet,” Jason said, folding his arms, “It’s not like some other poor sod could be going through the same deal, and if we do find something, it’d be some weirdo’s fantasy writing.”

Ellie thought for a moment before snapping her fingers. “Myths! We can look at legends around the globe for answers,” Ellie said excitedly as she started to type search terms in the browser bar. “Why myths?,” Jason asked, “Shouldn’t we be looking for, you know, factual evidence?” “There’s a nugget of truth in a lot of cultural tales,” Ellie explained as she pulled up more web pages filled with different stories concerning giants, “Maybe one of them is actually true.” “You’re sounding an awful lot like Motor,” Jason said as he pushed himself a tad closer to Ellie and arched his neck so he could get a look at the kind of ridiculous stuff she was searching for. The listings had notable large figures such as the treacherous Gogmagog to the vastness of the Daidarabotchi, though many of these listings seemed to pull up gods or malevolent creatures. Jason was sure he was definitely not either of those things.

Probably.

While Ellie may have been on the right track, Jason couldn’t see how any of these beings and monsters had any relation to him. Though it was getting hard to read her laptop screen as she kept tabbing through websites at top speed. While this made Ellie great at procrastinating and getting away with it in her college classes, Jason wanted to research too.

A brief flicker of recognition flashed registered in Jason’s brain as he spotted golden fur for a split second through Ellie’s browsing. Quickly Jason leaned over her and without thinking, slammed his hand next to hers. “Hold on! Can you… Ellie?” Jason attempted to ask before he realized that Ellie’s body froze suddenly. The only thing that was moving was her shivering hand. It felt like her entire soul left her chest and seeing a huge hand that could have weighed more than a brick nearly missed hitting her frail fingers. Ellie’s neck craned slowly tilted her head upwards hesitantly to be met with Jason’s wide chest. Ellie was rendered speechless and Jason eventually picked up on that. He lurked away from her, sputtering apologizes as he proceeded to sit on his hands. “I’m so sorry I-I didn’t think about- I’ll keep myself right here,” Jason nervously trembled as he watched Ellie let go of a sigh of relief she herself didn’t realize she was holding.

“Warn me next time will ya? Geeze,” Ellie said as she tried to regain her composure and sense of safety, “could’ve lost my writing hand.” Compulsively, Ellie rubbed her wrist as she kept her eyes off of Jason for the time being. For now, she pushed down that icky feeling of distress and flicked through some of the back pages silently to see what Jason nearly broke her hand for.

“...It’s uh- … the golden dog I think,” Jason muttered with his gaze glued to the floor, “It looked familiar.” After a quiet moment that felt like ages, Ellie finally spoke up again after taking a swig of her tea.

“The Golden Beast,” Ellie began to read out loud, “A phenomenon seen around the world of a large golden canine that is very elusive, but it is said to be a symbol of great change and good harvest.”

Jason waited for a moment to listen intently to Ellie’s lecture, but nothing else came. “... and?” Jason asked, though he got his answer when Ellie shrugged with a disappointed look. “That’s it, not much information written down here,” Ellie responded as she went ahead to search for the term elsewhere on the internet. Both of them would be lying if they said they weren’t disappointed, especially Jason. 

“I swear I’ve seen something that looked similar but,” He commented as he easily finished off his tea with a single sip, “I just can’t seem to recall anything.” He sat the mug down and watched Ellie peruse through a few websites, but in the end didn’t seem to find much else about the mysterious beast. 

“Another brick wall… bummer,” Ellie said as she stretched her arms outward, making sure her wrists weren’t getting sore. Her bones cracked as she rolled her shoulder, she had attempted to loosen up and let go of the pent up anxiety she had plenty of. In her peripheral vision she could see Jason reaching his head to the side to look hopelessly at Ellie’s laptop without having to get too close to her. 

“There really is nothing that can help me is there?” Jason said as he slumped, “Figures.” The two of them sat in silence for a while, unsure of what they could possibly do next or even find a trail to follow for the answers to their building questions. Ellie even half-mindly scrolled through news sites for anything unusual happenings. Though other than a couple of strange meteoroids being found around the globe, it was all mostly just news of politicians lying, groan worthy e-celebrity drama and a heartwarming story of a local pit bull named Twinkles saving a bus full of deaf school children from falling into the Vancouver River.

Ellie took a deep breath, “Jason I’m sorry I can’t…” Before Ellie could properly apologize to him, she noticed that Jason had a few visitors perched on the top of his head that were tugging tufts of his hair. Though he didn’t seem to notice it himself until he saw the despair disappear from Ellie’s face and she started to chuckle. She couldn’t keep a straight face for even a second. 

[Image Description: Mango and Papaya are playing in Jason’s hair and Ellie is just sitting there. LAUGHING. ]

“Hey, what are you two doing!?” Jason exclaimed, trying to gently shoo away the uninvited guests. The birds of course, did not even acknowledge Jason’s attempts to evict them. Papaya just tugged at tufts of his hair to see if she could make a nest and Mango naively rolled around in the strange grass they discovered. If he had just been a little more stern, he could have negotiated with Mango and Papaya to retreat. However, Jason’s hesitant hands and soft voice made it clear that he wasn’t going to risk being slightly rough with Ellie’s pets.

“Uh- a little help please?” Jason asked as he turned his awkward gaze back to Ellie. She stood up from the couch, and from there, she had to hold on a second to take in how large her friend had become. Her mind could still barely comprehend a giant human being real and be sitting in her house. However, that pleading look in his eyes that paired with his helplessness from the invasion of her birds made one thing very clear: Despite her skin crawling, he was still a harmless dork. “They probably think you’re a tree,” Ellie giggled, feeling confident enough to wave him down closer to her. The giant hesitated, unsure if he really wanted to loom over her like a beastly ogre and give her heart’s well being a run for its money. That thought ended quickly though as Papaya started to nip at the brim of Jason’s glasses. “Oh good grief,” Jason mumbled, rolling his eyes and leaned down towards Ellie’s direction. His shadow engulfed Ellie as he eclipsed the ceiling light to draw closer. The heart in her chest might have exploded in fear when he bowed his head at her. Though upon seeing the little trouble maker’s untroubled play in his hair, Ellie’s shaking ceased. Perhaps, there wasn’t anything for her to worry about after all. Ellie reached her hands out to coerce her babies onto her shoulder and pushed aside tufts of hair to get to them. Though she froze when she felt a huge sigh brush against her legs. “I don’t know what to do,” Jason groaned, “no one in the world is going to know how to help me, never mind fix me.” His fingers halfheartedly fiddled with his socks, not really giving Ellie’s fiddling with his hair much mind. Ellie frowned, placing her birds onto her shoulder and gave the crown of Jason’s head a few pats. “Thanks,” Jason said. “No problem…” Ellie responded, though she did pause for a moment to contemplate a suggestion that Jason probably wasn’t going to like very much.  ��You know, ” Ellie continued, “there is someone who knows a lot about giants and he already knows about this curse.” “No way,” Jason objected, raising his head up to look Ellie in the face. She stepped back in a panic, trying to not be in the path of his drastic head swing. “Wait- hear me out,” Ellie pleaded, “Motor might be a bit… eccentric, but he might be our only available expert on how to handle yourself when you’re like- big.”

“He’s not a professional Ellie, he's a nerd,” Jason said, folding his arms indignant, “all he’d be able to teach me would be how to level a hospital.” Jason kept coming up with complaints while he watched her carry her birds back to their cage. Though most of those unwarranted complaints went through one ear and out the other. “And he’s just not all that bright honestly, how could I trust that ido… ” Jason’s rant was cut short by the daggers Ellie was staring at him, “My bad.” He learned to shut his mouth and sat there with gripped hands on his knees. “I know you two aren’t always on the best of terms,” Ellie said, “but he wants to help you and might be your only option for insight.”

The very idea of Jason having to grovel to Motor for help was already humiliating enough, but reaching out to him about this life threatening disease? Jason would almost rather stay indoors for the rest of his life. Realistically however, it would be only a matter of time before he hurts someone or destroys his house. Unfortunately it would seem like getting help from Motor was going to be his only option even if it was going to be an agonizing experience. 

“Augh, Alright then if I don’t have a choice,” Jason said with a defeated sigh, “can’t help to feel that this is going to be a big mistake.”

Ellie closed the bird cage behind her, “Come on man,” she said as she walked back to Jason with a smile on her face, “What’s the worst thing that can happen?”

“Something terrible I reckon,” Jason responded, his fingers gripping his knees with another long sigh, “Also uh, can you help me shrink back to normal please?”

-----

Nothing happens in Stanley, Idaho. Well, that’s how one particular citizen would like to keep it. 

This unassuming older woman stepped out of her lifted jeep with little effort and made her way inside the tea shop. A subtle exchange of knowing nods were exchanged between her and the front store worker as she walked past the meticulously put together display of various tea leaves. Upon reaching the elevator in the back of the shop, she proceeded to press the following buttons: Lobby, 1, 9, 8, 7, and pound. The elevator closed, and took her below the ground floor, which shouldn’t be possible for a two-story building. 

As the elevator took its sweet time, she glanced down at her Hamilton military watch and gripped onto her steaming hot americano in her other hand. Seeing the watch read ‘5:00am’ made her groan with distaste. It was way too early for her to be up at her age. Duty calls, however, and she begrudgingly accepted.

After waiting for what felt like an eternity for the elevator to stop on the correct floor, she stepped out and was greeted by a long metal corridor that was barricaded with several security doors. Unperturbed, the woman walked up to each door, the same song and dance she always put up with to get to her damn office. Fingers to the hand scanners, eyes to the headache inducing retina scanners, and the most embarrassing of all, sticking her tongue out to a DNA analysis to let her through the final door. She had wondered if the engineers thought that last trial was some kind of bad joke. 

Nevertheless, She slogged into the massive intelligence operation room that was filled with the panicked voices of government workers. They have all been responding to all sorts of calls for assistance to deal with found anomalies and confused 911 operators. However, the older woman was used to this chaos, and promptly walked past all of the pesky underlings trying to ask her questions. Even if she wanted to answer their queries, she had no idea what was going on or what she was called in for during her vacation. 

Once she got to her office, she took off her windbreaker coat and wearily donned her standard issue FAIRA director’s coat. Before she headed to her desk, her hand shuffled through her windbreaker coat’s pocket and pulled out an opened box of cigarettes. Today was going to be difficult, why else would her superiors spring a surprise call-in on her? It didn’t take long for her to sit down at her desk and log her passwords into the computer with the help of her countless post it notes. The video call did not take its time either, ringing the moment her desktop loaded. She rolled her eyes and answered. 

“Witch reporting in, receiving you loud and clear Eagle,” the director spoke before she heard the ear-grating voice come from the other end. 

“EEEY BLAIR! How’s it goin’ grandma?”

“Sir, we have discussed this, we need to use our code names, also do not refer to me as grandma ever again.”

“OOOOH YEEEAAAH… I forgot.”

“Of course, sir. Anyway, was there any godforsaken reason why I was pulled from my vacation?”

“Calm down grandma! This is your crop and you gotta be the cream of it, ya hear?”

“Just get to the point.” “Aye soooo, we got a situation brewin’ up in the lil’ Washington, oooh yeah. You gotta take care of this ASAP. Ya see, they found these shiny rocks fallin’ out of the sky and it looks like your ring, if you catch my drift.”

“Right, so why isn’t NASA leading this operation?” “HMmmmmm uh, remember those budget cuts?” “I see.” “And while I love my guys in camo, they ain’t got the brain cells like your eggheads do, ooohh nooo.” “Fine, I’ll dispatch my team in the pacific northwest immediately-” “Oh no sister! You’re goin’ to pack your bags too!” “What!? Why?” “Cuz I noticed yer always sitting on your ass in that chair for years and I think you’re forgettin’ what it’s like to be one of your men, grandma.”

“My way of running things does not hold any relevance to the situation and for the last time; stop calling me grandma. I have a codename, Eagle, use it. ”

“It does more than you think chica, with somethin’ this big, I don’t think you should skimp on it. Plus, it’s the big Eagle’s orders so ya got no choice ya hear me?” She groaned, “…Understood sir.”

#heart thump #g/t #gt community #giant tiny #gt writing #giant/tiny #gt #writing #giant #jason #Ellie #Thank you guys <3

[opens-up-4-nobody]

I would love to hear your experience in the tags :-]

#i had a couple dreams where i could clearly read words but i always hear thats not possible #maybe its bc im dyslexic and have to memorize what words look like? #unfortunately bc im dyslexic i couldnt pronounce the medication name i was trying to read #it was lagostol something also known as elixi. it was a seizure medicine my grandpa was trying to get me ans my sister to take for no reason #i was looking it up online to convince him we didnt need to take it #poll #polls #dreams

[theres-whump-in-that-nebula]

AHA

I am not going crazy. Having excess beta brainwaves IS correlated to ADHD symptoms (in children and adolescents), specifically metacognition issues, inattention, and irritability:

#This is one study; but it’s interesting that usually the stereotype is having high theta; but that hasn’t really been proven #because correlation ≠ causation #which doesn’t mean much for the beta thing either but STILL #They were looking mainly for high theta and found a lot of diagnosed ADHD kids with high beta and no ODD #I want my brain readings. I want my brain readings n o w #Two more days. I bet they’re gonna say I don’t have ADHD because of the high beta #I bet they’re gonna say I just have anxiety #Again EEG isn’t alone a proven method to diagnose ADHD but I took a written diagnostic too #so maybe this is just to determine what medications will work???? idk I definitely passed the personal history test lmfaoo #But I have a bad feeling I’m gonna get shrugged off #because when they were asking me questions I felt like they were cutting my answers short a little #but that could be because I was infodumping #But yeah my beta power with eyes open is 5.70 and the normal range (if I’m reading it correctly) is 3.65–0 #Beta is supposed to be related to focus so maybe it’s possible that some ADHD people are TOO focused on too many things at once #which leads to focus issues VS some have “sleepy brains” with high theta which can’t focus on anything??? #idk #ehehehehe feed me scientific studies and numbers #yummy #Yeah it’s not that my brain “runs slowly and is spaced-out” it’s that I can’t get it to stop accelerating and latching onto everything #and in order to do one thing I have to rip the suction-cupped tentacles of my brain off five different things before I can focus #which LEADS to anxiety because I can’t always peel myself away from everything else so I’m just stuck there #like a statue #trying in vain to break out from the inside #hence the anxiety

[kkujo]

also idk i feel so fucking good abt myself idk genuinely being consistent with my gym routine has done everything for my mental health and confidence like i still feel bad abt myself sometimes but for the first time since i was probably 9 i'm having days where i look in the mirror and thinking DAMN i look good and those days are getting more frequent it's really the best feeling

#and it's not just the weight loss like. being overweight was such a struggle for me esp bc i've had issues w eds and stuff and. #idk it made me miserable. and i wasn't the healthiest bc i'd gained a lot due to pcos and my periods were irregular etc like it wasn't good #and now i'm medicated and fuck man my period is regular now and my weight is more normal and i just feel like. good abt that #bc i spent so long being unable to lose bc of my hormones and it was so disheartening bc i was doing everything 'right' #i feel a little bad talking abt it bc ik it's a sensitive topic and i have had issues w eds i obv don't think weighing less makes u healthy #etc etc. for me it was the healthy thing to lose what i've lost so i'm proud of that and i did all of that mostly without relapsing #over 2 years and i've had like. maybe a month of relapse total over that time and each time i've come out of it after a week or two #so i'm definitely stronger mentally etc BUT. my point is. the confidence hasn't come from trying to be smaller #and now i'm actively trying to build muscle and for the first time ever my confidence comes from looking BIGGER bc i want muscle growth etc #the confidence truly comes from within and when i was overweight i started to give myself that confidence #by starting to wear cute clothes and stop hiding my body #it is so true that losing weight won't make you like yourself or your body. #like. you can lose weight if you want but you HAVE to respect yourself first. i lost a lot of weight unhealthily in 2019 and regained it #& bc i did it out of self hatred i NEVER felt better abt myself when i got smaller. you rlly have to be able to love yourself as you are rn #it's cliche but very very true #anyway i don't rlly talk abt this stuff on here bc ik it's a sensitive topic but!!! #i really would recommend weightlifting and strength training if you wanna feel more confident #ik it won't work for everyone but for me it's genuinely transformed the way i see myself. #i no longer try to force myself to be as small as possible. and for me that's everything yk #ALSO LIKE. THE MENTAL HEALTH ASPECTS. just having the routine and getting exercise and getting out every day rlly helps too #i really would recommend it i've never felt better or more confident abt myself #the only thing is unfortunately and it's a very real problem but gym/gym bro culture often leans v close to e/d culture #it really sucks bc a lot of gym folks genuinely do love it and are very healthy with it #but the chicken and rice gym bro types are pretty rampant too and there's a LOT of dysmorphia and such in the community #so i kind of avoid gym bro circles for that reason bc i do think a lot of people take it too far and are very mentally unhealthy with it #but weightlifting/going gym in itself isn't the problem and if you're eating properly & taking care of yourself it's not gonna be like that #it's just knowing the types of ppl to avoid bc a lot of the mindset is pretty toxic 😭😭 but there are def a lot of ppl who do it healthily #like. i understand why people do it but i'm kind of against bulking/cutting at least for myself #bc for me it's not abt looking as strong as possible it's abt being fit and healthy physically & mentally if i look buff asf that's a bonus #but a lot of ppl take bulks/cuts too far & a lot of it is just regurgitated e/d shit unfortunately. just b careful who you interact with

[pyr0cue]

Sorry but if any part of your opinion on transness includes a statement along the lines of “transmascs/men gain male privilege when they transition” I pretty much disregard all ur other opinions on the topic

#like. ok yes some white trans men who have full access to medical care for their transition #who can and choose to actively pass as cis #maybe they might possibly gain some social privaledge if no one is aware of their transness #but thag is!! usually not what transness looks like like ur crazy if u think trans men get like #systemic privaledge by being trans?? #anyway #personal

[krawdad]

I've had zero help from medical anything aside from being prescribed muscle relaxers and acupuncture

A massage therapy place we found on fucking google has been able to verify that this is extensive fucking overuse injury that is trapping nerves and has also been able to unstick some of my shit

My shoulders already hang more symmetrically and I have literally gotten taller

This is a tremendously encouraging development but I am so profoundly pissed that it took this long to just end up having to pay out of pocket for a random ass place we found online.

Especially since it turns out that the problem and solution that I presented to every single doctor I've seen since the beginning fucking years ago was exactly correct goddammit. And it's been slowly, excruciatingly getting worse and worse every single day in the meantime.

#no telling what it's going to fucking cost to be able to use my hands again #i guess my 'spend what money you manage make like you're going to have to pay for some inevitable exorbitant medical expense' worked out #i hate this #but I look forward to however much more movement i am able to afford i guess #dude has to put his entire weight into unsticking the stuck shit. it sounds like pulling apart a frozen chicken #and it hurts like you're ripping branches out of my flesh. but in a good way. #maybe making it less physically demanding to move my mummified ass around will let me have more energy #i miss going on walks with my wife and working with my hands. those are like my favorite things to do #it's hard to not feel let down when you have measurably been failed #but hey my neck isn't permanently tilted 10 degrees to the left anymore that's something #i am very very sore though #i have probably been dissociating a lot #apparently i handle having my shit painfully crunched uncommonly well. which like. possibly part of the problem.

[terubakudan]

The GazettE - アビス 「ABYSS」

#the gazette #ruki #uruha #aoi #reita #kai #visual kei #gifs #my gifs #I absolutely love the abyss concert #the setlist for that one is absolutely fire #the concert itself just levels of awesome and I would have loved to be there #I watched the Lucy concert too and maybe I'll make gifs of that too xD #and the trailer they made for the concerts - you got to admire the production values - both look like legit movie trailers xD #Lucy being a slasher flick and Abyss being straight up medical horror #in the Abyss trailer you see the word 奈落 (naraku) #Naraku is the Japanese term for Naraka (hell) in Buddhism and can mean 'the very bottom' or 'the worst possible circumstances' #hence 'Abyss' #well hot doctors and Rukiswirlinginhischair aside - you would not want to end up on that examination table xD #the boys want your blood - so run xD #btw I added some effects to these gifs this time #I added a blur on the ones where you don't see the boys' faces yet #to simulate the view of having just woken up and finding yourself there xD #disclaimer I'm actually very squeamish with horror but I think we can find there's just something fascinating about it #I think because it's a genre that evokes a lot of emotion - and you can mix it up with comedy drama romance etc. #it's essentially 'oh gods no I have to look away but somehow I just can't?!" #it's gripping to say the least

[ettucamus]

aggression against trans people is truly so exhausting like of course there are abrasive and loud trans people on the internet but for the most part. actual trans people are just trying to go about our days managing this very personal struggle while trying not to get hatecrimed. and so much of the discourse about being trans is so removed from what it’s like to be a trans person irl.

#th.txt #like for me personally being trans is more a medical condition than anything like sure i am trans in the same way i am adhd #dysphoria has largely been this pain in my ass for my entire life and i have actively done as much as possible to try to mitigate it #truly the only thing to help has been medical transition and that’s what i don’t get about transphobes #who are so into shaming people for transitioning like it’s truly just another medication for a condition #at this point idek what a gender is or how to go about interpreting my own feelings #i do know physical transition has alleviated my dysphoria and that’s the end of it #i truly am a gender abolitionist in the way that i wish my gender and sex just wasn’t even a topic to discuss ever #nonbinary for me is just a stand in for my feelings that gender is a nebulous social construct i do not support #idc if this is going to ruffle some feathers on many different sides but i am just so tired #i just want to exist and look the way i’d like to and not have people tell me i’m mutilating myself #or that i can think my way out of dysphoria because that’s just simply not happening #after 20 years and more of fighting against dysphoria i think by now it’s clear that it’s an immutable disorder #in the same way i take meds for other mental health struggles physical transition is the medication for dysphoria #maybe other people are stronger than me for being able to withstand the experience of dysphoria without transition #but i’m not one of them! and that’s okay!

[arthur-r]

hi so this started as a life update and then turned into a major vent and i am very sorry so i am putting it under a cut. content warning for medical stuff and surgery and also college and also generally being upset

oh hey arthur update the medical issues i’ve been vaguing about for the past like week are officially not life threatening or anything and will be getting resolved in a surgery this tuesday. so recovering from that will be a super fun way to spend the last three weeks leading into my senior year, which i really badly overbooked with babysitting nearly every day and working my pizza job extra hours, both of which jobs are the kind where just calling in sick for one day causes actual problems for real people in ways that other jobs maybe wouldn’t. so i’m taking off both my jobs on the actual day of the surgery but otherwise i’m just. powering through it all

#starting on monday i’m taking on a whole other family to babysit on top of everything else!! wasn’t planning on a surgery in the midst #on the bright side maybe the money i make from the extra work will maybe possibly kinda sorta make a dent in the fees for all the #surgery and appointment costs even my fifteen minute visit at the cvs pharmacy cost a hundred freaking dollars #so umm let’s hope that the working i’ve been doing this summer amounts to a little more than just. not being in debt #also the family i babysit for hasn’t texted me back after i told them i had to schedule the surgery during a time i was supposed to be #babysitting. and i think they will understand but i feel terrible because they’re supposed to be able to count on me #and i also don’t want them to know i have a surgery because then they will ask me questions and i want my relationship with this family #to start and end with how i do puzzles with their kids. i don’t want to talk to them about scary personal stuff #plus what if they try to send me a care package or something they think i’m a cis girl named ari they wouldn’t know they have to be discreet #and i don’t want people irl to know about the surgery before it happens because then they’ll ask to see it and i don’t want them to see it #because at work i’ve been wearing a mask and nobody knows i’ve had a potentially cancerous growth for a freaking month #and anyway it’s not cancer or anything it’s just my stupid macrophages but i don’t want people to see it or talk to me about it until it’s #gone. in other news my older sister starts college on monday at the local community college that i will probably go to despite my efforts #so. no anxiety here tonight why in the world would i be terrified about anything right now what are you talking about how could there ever #(/s) #i sincerely hope everyone here is doing okay. i am sorry for kind of venting but i have been holding this stuff in a little bit too long #two people total outside from me and my family know what’s going on and i’m not looking to have any more irls find out #but i am bursting at the seams and a little bit terrified. not to mention the stupid college everything piling up on me right now it’s just #a little bit much. anyway the medical world is ridiculous and stupid and if i have to be on hold with one more surgeons office i will cry #and i’m just kind of here. i’ll put a thing at the top so that nobody has to read this. and trigger warnings and everything #and i really hope everyone is okay i am sorry for being a little too much right now #vent tw #medical tw #ask to tag #anyway i’m going to bed really soon i just. really really needed to yell about how much everything is. even if it’s going to get fixed #me. my post. mine. #delete later

[cest-la-venus]

i still don't have the unrebloggable post thing lol

#disordered eating #weight loss mention #medical #with the warnings out of the way here's the real post #ive been having body image issues and Also health issues that may be tied to my weight #so in a moment of weakness a few weeks ago i decided to at least look at the n0/0m app to see what all the fuss was about #bc the marketing really did make it sound like it might be onto something #and i know enough about nutrition to know that everyone's healthiest way of eating can vary wildly #so like idk i gave it the benefit of the doubt. maybe its helping people do a modified version of intuitive eating or something #but nope!!! i wont go into details but it was SO HORRIBLY DISORDERED #i dont doubt that maybe there are some people with cores of steel who could engage w its framework in a healthy way #mostly bc the world is a vast tapestry and i cannot possibly understand everyone elses experiences #but like. MY FUCKING GOD WEIGHT LOSS CULTURE IS SO AWFUL #nothing about what i saw on that app would have supported my health lemme tell ya #(also disclaimer me claiming that maybe I would benefit to lose weight for health reasons is not me saying all fat people are unhealthy #or need to lose weight. nobody owes anyone health or thinness or whatever. i dont want to argue about what led me to this conclusion #and i am being extremely careful to prioritize my actual literal health over my weight #i dont have a goal weight i dont count calories i have a goal of manage xyz conditions using gentle lifestyle changes) #(this feels like a lot of disclaimers to say abt me talking about a very average healthcare choice but i feel the need to say it anyway #bc 1 fat activism is so fucking important and i am aware that my personal health choices are not apolitical #and 2 i am a weenie and i dont want my vent about an app that feels like garbage to me to upset anyone) #anyway. diet culture exists to force as many people as possible into very destructive eating patterns for the sake of The Profit #dont fall for it like i briefly did. worry about your health and let your body worry about how to handle your fat cells

[rose-n-gunses]

when the post-yap clarity hits and I wind up lying on the floor begging god to smite me

#because WHY did i spend an hour regaling my poor coworker with a description of the bizzare thrift finds i habe decorating my room at home #and lamenting about needing to possibly purchase a dress and not knowing where to look #and other such mundane things #he said to me and i quote 'maybe you do need to be medicated because i cannot keep up with you right now' #sigh #it's like i go to work and my brain shut off and i just talk the whole time #but at least he humors me because we had shifts together every weekend last semester so he knows ill talk forever #anyways #irl #just r's thoughts