#and tomorrow I'll finish this report and work on my thesis

[running-in-the-dark]

I'm gonna go to bed now. I did not get very much done, again. but I guess it doesn't really matter since its definitely too late to get a meeting appointment with my advisor tomorrow anyway (since its 4:00 right now...). so I just have to hope that I'll actually be able to finish it tomorrow. or on Friday. I don't know.

I'm hoping I'll still be allowed to register my thesis application. my advisor said if it's any later than the end of October I'll have to talk to someone higher up at my uni. so, since October doesn't end until Tuesday.... well I'm hoping it'll somehow work out.

there's nothing I can do about it right now anyway - I'm simply not anywhere near done with my exposé, so I'm not able to send it right now. and I realised last night that it's a very bad and pointless idea to try to keep going until I physically can't stay awake anymore. especially since I slept for like 11 hours after that. so, I'm going to bed. maybe I didn't overdo it tonight and my brain will work better tomorrow.

I didn't write that much tonight, so it feels like I didn't do anything. I did, though. I found a lot of really good new articles (most of the sources I already had are from 2021 and earlier), I started printing out some of them (which feels very wasteful and also ironic since my topic is sustainability reporting.. but I realised I just can't work with digital files only, not even if they're on my iPad), I read quite a bit, I got closer to having a usable topic.

it's okay. it's okay. I did enough. I did as much as I was able to. in the end, all I need to do is just enough to pass. I don't care about my grade. it doesn't matter. my average is pretty good, and this won't affect it too much - even if I got the worst passing grade. I also don't care what my advisor thinks about me and how much effort I'm putting into this. obviously, I don't want to seem lazy. but beyond that, why should I care? no matter what happens I'll never see any of these people again after February, I'm not going into academia, I'm not getting my masters, it does not matter. I just have to finish it somehow and pass.

it's really hard to be productive when you constantly have to take breaks to have a meltdown 🙃

#yeah I am very much losing my mind here #this is not good for me at all #but I'm hoping I'll be able to get through it. it's ok if I need like six months to recover. whatever. that's still better than not getting #my degree #I'm gonna see my psychiatrist tomorrow about increasing the dose of my meds. it'll only be while I'm trying to get through this. I hope #he'll say its ok because I can't cope like this #personal #posts about my thesis

[andmaybegayer]

Last Monday of the Week 2021-04-26

I think the first time I left my house since last monday was yesterday. I also purchased a new smartphone, so hopefully I'll be able to make calls again when that arrives.

Listening: I almost finished Fallout but as part of thinking about that, I've been listening to the Fallout soundtrack standalone, which I downloaded from the Internet Archive.

It's good, big atmospheric sounds and the faint sound of something you can't quite identify screeching in the distance.

Reading: Identical to last week. Prep for a thesis proposal reading about oscillators and how they work, plus some Worm.

Watching: I watched one (1) episode of Cowboy Bebop. I have poor anime discipline.

Finally watched Annihilation, wonderful. I had seen some stuff about it but I mostly didn't read up past "it's good" so I was a little surprised to find it was /actually/ good.

Oh, and I finished The Good Place. It was about as good an ending as I could hope for, tied up loose ends and ended well, which is not out of place in a story about building paradise. Jason's ending gag was god-tier.

I hear there's a new Madoka movie out but first I'll have to rewatch the first three, since as much as I enjoyed watching those on canmom's stream I think I missed a chunk of 1 and 3. Poor anime discipline strikes again.

Playing: As aforementioned I ALMOST got through fallout, after last playing it in February. I'm at the Master, but I am having some difficulty with the final fight. I know there's Some Way to do a non-lethal clear of The Master but I haven't figured it out yet and I am not above murdering a genocidal meat blob. I didn't notice the door that leads to his chambers until after I spent a good while trying to break into the electronically locked elevator on the other side of that level, it broke my electronic lockpicks. I will have a report for the ol' Fallout Thread soon.

Makin: Nothing at all, although I did pick up some really nice wood for Galena, a slab each of White Oak and Rhodesian Teak, as well as some brass mounting screws. The wood honestly cost less than the pine junk I got from the hardware store so in the future I am only going to this wood place. Public holiday on Tuesday so I might work on that then. Picking up the micros and diodes tomorrow, hopefully, along with an amplifier so I can attempt a repair on my car's subwoofer. Oh fuck I forgot to buy parts for a filter. I'll wing it.

White Oak was the choice for a lighter case, and Teak both in case a darker one looks better. The teak will be interesting to work with, since it's an extremely dense and hardwearing wood. It was used for railway sleepers, if my primary school history teacher is to be believed, and he promised he'd only tell us lies during the last twenty minutes of lessons on Fridays.

Oh I futzed around with some music projects but absolutely nothing in a state to be heard.

Bonus Computers Slot: Computers are bad, but with the power of environment variables, they can be even worse. Let's hear it for environment variables, adding mysterious state to whatever it is you're doing for over four decades.

I am dealing with cross-compiling software, send help.

#last monday of the week #Galena